I-Female Magazine January 2012 by I-Female Magazine

January 2012 | www.i-female.net | I-Female Publishing

I-Female Magazine. Inspire, Motivate and Encourage! HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

Contact Us Publisher Stenell Greene-Myers Assistant Editor James Chandler Design Trudean Wright Le Petite Capella www.aurigacapella.com To contact I-Female Magazine P.O Box 935 Vineland, NJ 08362 Phone: 856-366-0333 215-613-5207 Fax: 215-613-5000

Welcome to our January 2012 issue of I Female Magazine. I-Female Magazine is about helping to inspire, motivate and encourage each and every woman. We exist to educate, empower and uplift women in areas such as entrepreneurial development, while bringing awareness to the female psyche dealing with depression, low self-esteem, loss and domestic violence. As individuals we all have changes within ourselves we would like to re-shape as we start of the New Year. Whether it’s making changes in our finances, relationship, or physical appearance whatever the case I-Female is an avenue that will allow you to relate, release and reestablish the you within. I-Female is excited to begin this year with a new twist in motivating women of all race and cultures. I am especially thrilled about our first upcoming “I Am A Survivor” fundraiser event that will be held on April 28, 2012 at the Renaissance Catering in New Jersey. I get a chance to really showcase my inner passion of bringing women together who have overcome many trials and tribulation in life. Each month our issue focuses on entrepreneurs in our communities. Our front cover has our very own Regina Grace, owner of Canvas Salon. I personally have had the pleasure to experience Regina great creative work, she has a vision that is unique and a passion that is unspoken. Because spirituality is my life, each month we are blessed to have Gospel Secrets from Tony Myers. He brings the gospel that is clear, precise according to the Bible which can reach any audience. This issue is very special to me because it is the beginning of a great future for I-Female.

Email: We focus on local entrepreneurs that are really making a difference like Noni’s Patois a magazine@I-female.net live band venue located in the City of Philadelphia gaining a positive name for many local www.i-female.net www.facebook.com/ ifemalemagazine Twitter @IFemaleMagazine

artists who are moving towards the music industry. I love to see local business owners branching out elevating as individuals making their own decisions and stepping out on Faith. As you read each page may you find yourself intertwined and engage as this magazine was created for you. Thank you to our creative designer Trudean Wright at Le Petite Capella for her artistic imagination as she breathes life to her vision and our lovely assistant editor James Chandler. We at I-Female Magazine are very grateful and truly thankful for everyone’s interest and support. As we continue to strive to reach our audience I would also like to thank you the reader and those who have sent in their letters to helped support and inspire other women through I-Female Magazine. Your letters and support continues to make I-Female a reality to the world. God bless you all and remember you are I-Female<. Stenell Greene-Myers, Publisher www.i-female.net

“ am Your co azin insp cau urag g. Re irat io e ha se n and adin nal ve o m li g t sto ft h ize , I r r d I ead atter s my em g ies a ’m r i s h v b the ow pir es e co lesse stor bad it up me me d ie be I Nic any and s and think I ole thi ca re I C. ng ” n ov al26 er

CONTENTS 4 | Chapter 1 “I-Female” 7 | Inspirational Story 9 | Body& Spirit > Poetry ANNOUNCEMENT I-FEMALE MAGAINE “I AM A SURVIVOR” FUNDRAISER EVENT APRIL 28, 2012. LOCATION: Renaissance Catering 194 Fries Mill Road | Turnersville, NJ 08012 IN ASSOICATION WITH LE PETITE CAPELLA & CANVAS HAIR SALON

TalkingBack! MailTime! Letters From Readers

“I-Fe male never to me me ans I stron alone, th at I a am g, I a m mm ore t s h u a r n v i Keya a nna B vor” rown . 23. NY

WRITE US I-Female Magazine welcomes letters from its readers. To contact Editorial: Send us a fax (215-613-5000), email (magazine@i-female.net) or mail (Letters to I-Female Magazine, P.O Box 935 Vineland, New Jersey 08362). Letters should include the writer’s full name, address and daytime phone number. Letters may be edited for length and clarity.

“I always told my daughters you are more than a conqueror but now I can tell them you are IFemale.” Hallie -Inspirational Story Pg. 7

FEATURES 13 | Canvas Hair Salon Let Gina Grace create your masterpiece.

19 | Cyberbullying “ Cyberbullying is the use of technology to harass, threaten, embarrass, or target another person. “

“I know that your magazine will encourage so many women to make the right choices and decisions in life and the courage to save themselves.” -South Africa-

Who’s Gonna Pay The Mortgage?: A Woman’s Guide To Relationship Recovery. Ladies, this first chapter will give you the tools for the next chapters to come. Women are considered the foundation of eternal life; we give birth to our children and guide them through life. We get our children up in the morning for school, making sure they have a quick bite to eat, clothes cleaned, ironed, and hair groomed. Come home, prepare and cook dinner, while we help and check homework. It is we, who call out of work when our children are sick, take them to the doctors, get their prescriptions filled, and nurse them back to health. It is we who have to pay for after-school programs, school trips, school activities such as sports, and purchasing more pictures than we have family members and friends. It is we who wake up in the middle of the night to take our children to the bathroom and make sure they are safe. We are courageous, loving, and will do anything for our loved ones. Females, we are the greatest and know it when we look good, which makes us feel good. We are educated and go after any and all goals that we set out. We wear multiple hats in the home, at work, and in completing our desires rather it is education or self employment. We work two jobs, go to school care for our children, and raise our grandchildren. There are no boundaries, ladies, when it comes to doing what we need to do to better ourselves and our family. We can do just about anything a man can; we are designed to produce egg cells that produce children. Women, we are the forefront of our households; you know the saying “IF MAMA NOT RIGHT, NOTHING IS RIGHT!” Embrace

As a single female mother of three, I always get caught up in work and my children’s lives. I learned to live for myself, doing things for me

that will make me happy alone, without a man. Raising my children alone matured me in areas of spirituality, wellness, education, and self-development. Learning me is a work in progress that I strive to master. What I have

By doing so, he is aware you have

mastered through trial and error is acknowledging what I will and will not tolerate, setting

people that care about you and hopefully he will respect you more.

boundaries and limits on anyone in my circle. I am learning to rejoice in me, love me more

Lean on your abilities, finish high school, go to college, finish college

than I already love me. Don’t settle for any-

and enjoy life. Having babies as a young lady will make significant

thing but the best, and do not allow yourself to be hindered by anyone that does not have your best interest.

changes in you, which you are not ready for. You have not learned the tools in life for yourself. A child will

I FEMALE (for young ladies finding their way)

force you to grow up faster. Your life will change and you will miss out on

As you read this book, I hope it will inspire you

the most important time ENJOY

to find your right path, as you travel the long

YOURSELF. Lover yourself; no one

road called life. While on your journey through

can love you the way you can.

life, I hope it will inspire you to find your right path, as you travel the long road called life.

I-FEMALE PLEDGE

While on your journey through life, I hope you will de independent in making your own deci-

“I female, strong, prosperous open

sions. Sometimes, young ladies, you can get so

to love and receive ONLY the best

indulged in a man that you will do anything for him, putting aside your feelings for yourself.

for my soul that will replenish my

You are strong, independent and beautiful. Your beauty does not have to be equipped

I am a lady groomed for only good-

with the media image of beauty; you and BEAUTY. You do not have to give a man your body. Sex is very complicated; sex takes you to places you do not want to be. Sex will have you crying all night, under– or overeating to busting out the windows of your man’s car, which is a coward’s move. A move that is based in a false sense of love through sex

yourself, hold your head high, and de-

which will disarrange your character from young lady to disrespect and lower your stan-

light in your GOD-given beauty. You

dards. Let a young man first meet your par-

were created of greatness to love who

ents, mother, father, grandmother, cousin or

you are and rejoice with happiness and

whoever is a strong inspiration in your life.

grace.

CHAPTER

mind so I can have a joyful filling life.

ness for myself. I will not accept just anything or anyone giving me donations of sympathy and playful rhythms on my heart.” -Stenell Greene-MyersNOW AVALIALE ON AMAZON.COM WWW.BARNESANDNOBLE.C OM $9.99 ONLY ON WWW.I-FEMALE.NET

QUOTES OF THE MONTH “If you want change, you have to make it. If we want progress we have to drive it."- Susan Rice

Jan. 2 “It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny.” -Jean Nidetch Jan. 3 “Destiny waits alike for the free man as well as for him enslaved by another's might.” -Aeschylus Jan. 4 “The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others.” -Hasidic Saying Jan. 5 “Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.” -Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Jan. 6 “A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.” -Ayn Rand Jan.7 “Always continue the climb. It is possible for you to do whatever you choose, if you first get to know who you are and are willing to work with a power that is greater than ourselves to do it.” -Ella Wheeler Wilcox Jan. 8 “Always desire to learn something useful.” -Sophocles Jan. 9 “Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.” - Og Mandino Jan. 10 “Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.” -Wayne Dyer Jan. 11 “Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful V ISIT

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and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.” -Mother Teresa

or happy.” -Norman Vincent Peale Jan. 12 “A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life.” -Charles Darwin Jan. 13 “Every man dies. Not every man really lives.” -William Wallace Jan. 14 “A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.” Nelson Mandela Jan. 15 “Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” -Robert Louis Stevenson Jan. 16 “Faith is love taking the form of aspiration.” -William Ellery Channing Jan. 17 “Grace is the beauty of form under the influence of freedom.” Friedrich Schiller Jan. 18 “A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity.” -Robert Hall Jan. 19 “Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”- Albert Camus Jan. 20 “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” -Dalai Lama Jan. 21 “Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received

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Jan. 22 “Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mohandas Gandhi Jan. 23 “It is time for parents to teach young people early on that in diversity there is beauty and there is strength.” -Maya Angelou Jan. 24 “Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” -Tony Robbins Jan. 25 “The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” -Confucius Jan. 26 “Where there is love there is life.” -Mohandas Gandhi Jan. 27 "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." -Eleanor Roosevelt Jan. 28 “You have to be careful who you let define your good.” -Lois McMaster Bujold Jan. 29 “In order to succeed, you must first be willing to fail.” Anonymous Jan. 30 "It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect It's successful outcome." -William James Jan. 31 "I believe life is to be lived, not worked, enjoyed, not agonized, loved, not hated." -Leland Bartlett

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHEN HERON

You Are Never Alone

I was 18 when the doctors told me that I had contrast an std, scared, lost and confused was how I felt, by the grace of God it was something curable and not life threatening. You may read this and think to yourself; It was careless of me and I was being a foolish teen having fun without thinking of the consequences. I was a straight A student, loved sports and president of my class. I never thought in a million years something like this would happen to me but it did. I remember it like it was yesterday, a bad dream hunting me. February 2005 I was invited to a friend’s birthday party, we were having fun, enjoying ourselves and that's when Mr. Tall dark and handsome came along. He was cute as can be and what I thought was perfect. He had a great smile, he had a goal, a dream, and he wanted to be somebody. I thought he was too good to be true and I turned out to be right. As the night went along we kept bringing me drinks and I kept saying no. I wasn't a big fan of alcohol I saw what it did to my mom growing up but he kept pushing and finally I said ok. He said can we go somewhere more quite? me not thinking at the time told him yes. We were outside in the back talking, having an innocent conversation when he kissed me, I kissed

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back but he wanted more. I told him I wasn't that type of girl and that I was a virgin and wanted my first time to be special. He kept pushing and I kept saying no, I was taught if a guy can’t take “no” for an answer get out as fast as you can. Don't wait for him to react, get your stuff and leave. I told him I had to go and he ask if he could take me home I told him I was getting a ride I’m fine. I didn't see it coming he snapped at me grabbing my hair, he began to beat me up like I was one of the guys. I try to scream for help and he said "no one is gonna hear you, you’re not leaving until I get what I want.” After he was done he asked me if that was special enough for me. I think I spent the next two days in the shower trying to unmask his scent and everything about him off me. I never told my mom or anyone. My grades began to fall and I wasn’t the same person anymore. I had supporting teachers who would talk to me asking me if everything was ok because they notice a change in my grades. With the help of staying after school and make up tests I was able to pull my grades back up. Time seems to be moving slower than usual and with time changes with my body began to happen. I was scared the first thought came to me was I have a disease and I was going to die. I went to the hospital where I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant and I had Chlamydia, I could hear the sound of my heart beating and I felt like a bomb had gone off in my head. I cried my way home and for many days after. I've tried to terminate my pregnancy and my life on several occasions, I told myself my life was over and I truly thought it was. My doctor told me the side effects of having Chlamydia and how it can affect my unborn child life. I finally found the courage to talk to my mom and JA NUA RY

let her know what had happened and that I was now pregnant with a child I never asked for. I thought she was going to be angry but she held me in her arms and told me everything was going to be ok and that whatever I decided to do she was there with me every step of the way. I graduated high school and took the year off for college. I have two beautiful 5yrs old twin daughters that I love each and every day and a degree in Human Service. My life didn’t turn out as planned but it turned out to be much better than hoped. I'm married to a man who loves me and my daughters like nothing else in this world, I have a mom who supports me through it all and a God who held me in his arms and never let go. My advice to you, especially our teens, BE CAREFUL and SPEAK NOW. I thought no one would have believed me, and I was alone but remember you are never alone. When you find yourselves in dark days pray, talk to an adult and if you find it hard to talk to them, you write a letter. If I had went to the cops or an adult maybe I could have helped “You are the next girl out there but maybe is I-Female” something I will never know. Be encouraged and stay in good faith for when one door closes another opens. I always told my daughters you are more than a conqueror but now I can tell them you are I-Female.

Still pushing forward Hallie

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Sex & Love > Relationship

Stenell Greene-Myers, author of “Who’s Gonna Pay The Mortgage? A Woman’s Guide To Relationship Recovery”, therapist, professor and motivational speaker

Dear Stenell

Dear Stenell I read about “dear Stenell” online from your website. I felt like I could open up to you as a friend, a friend who will always be honest with me even when I’m not honest with myself. I’ve been with my boyfriend now for over 8 years and it seems as if I’m the only one who wants more out of our relationship. We talked about getting married and even made plans but it seems as if I’m the only one who actually wants to move on from the “girlfriend, boyfriend” status. I would love to be married to this man and start a family with him but am I the only one who actually feels this way? What should I do? Every time I bring the topic up he seems to change it. If he’s not ready to be married why doesn’t he say so? How do I go about approaching the situation? NY, NY 29 Dear NY, NY 29, I thank you for trusting me to give you the best answer to help you in your situation. I am going to be very honest and tell you something you may not want to hear, but I will guide in a direction to help you. You stated, you have been with your boyfriend for over 8 years. You did not mention if you live together which would take me in a different direction. NY, You have invested a very long time with a man that you clearer state you want MORE, specifically to be married and start a family. Here is the bottom line; you have to love yourself enough to say this is what I want PERIOD. You are placing his feelings, his wants before yours which result in your unhappiness. You have invested so much time, and he knows this. How would you feel if you break up with him, and he marries someone else? I say this because it happens. Men will be with a woman for so long and not marry her, find someone else and in months they are married? Why do you think that happens? Some women will not stand for this and will place standards on a man, in which you should do the same for yourself. This comes down to your self- worth. I encourage

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A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength; for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers. Proverbs 24:5-7.

you to read my book Who’s Gonna Pay The Mortgage? (A Women’s guide to Relationship Recovery) your story reminds me of many of my chapters but what really comes to me is “Chapter 17----Being Bit by Russell viper venom is still not enough”. I encourage you to read it. When you bring up marriage he changes the topic because he does not want to be married. When a man wants to marry you, he will make more preparations than just asking you to marry him. He will show you he wants you in all ways financially but more importantly with security love, compassion and most of all respect. I do not believe in giving a man an alternative marry me or I will leave, because after all this time he know what you want, he would have done it. It does not take over eight years to decide. Are you sure this is what you really want? You have to really ask yourself that question. Is this the man you want to open up a bank account with? life insurance? a will? go on vacations? and have children with? Is he a good provider? more importantly is he faithful? Have you had any problems with other women? You must be honest with yourself. Do you both practice the same values, spiritually? Cont...

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Body & Spirit > Poetry

I-Female By Mike Santiago I F E M A L E

Intelligent I am chosen from above Faith in God filled with His love Energetic and bold with divine authority Majestic I am the Mother of Humanity Authentic is my design as I walk with integrity Liberated from oppression with strength and dignity Enduring all things through Christ who lives

LETTING GO I didn’t want to admit it, It was easier to lie, To hide the hurt and emptiness, To smile instead of cry

You’re the one I love You’ve the one I still desire And all the pain you put me through I take and slowly admire

When you entered my heart the thing you did was sign Because things are very differ- And now that you’re leaving ent now, I don’t think you realize And you are not the same What you’re leaving behind For every time you hurt me Another scar I gain A girl who would do anything Who would walk day after You said I was your destiny day I opened up the gate Who would swim to the botBut you’ve hurt me more than tom of the ocean words can say Who was throw her dream You’ve interrupted fate away V ISIT

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Who would hold her breath and slowly die If it meant that you would smile instead of cry .

I-Female Magazine welcomes poetry from its readers. To contact Editorial: Send us a fax (215613-5000), email (magazine@ifemale.net) or mail (Poetry to IFemale Magazine, P.O Box 935 Vineland, New Jersey 08362). Poems should include the writer’s full name, address and daytime phone number

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Sex & Love > Relationship Ask yourself these questions and you will get your answer, which you may already know. I hope this has helped you. NY, you are great, and you want more, so seek more within yourself and you will get it. Remember you are I-Female; don’t ever let anyone take away from you what God has given you… A Piece of Mind. God bless you and thank you. Rest in what you need to do for yourself, God will show you everything else.

Dear Stenell, You are truly a voice for women and I commend you on your journey. I've been seeing this guy for some time now and we are not in an "official" relationship. We've been on a few dates and spending time with each other, we've even stated that we wouldn't want each other to see other people or date anyone else, yet we have not made a decision on if we want a relationship. I really like this guy and I'm starting to have mix feelings. What should I do? Help. Washington D.C 25 Dear Washington D.C 25 Looking at your age 25, you are right there in the middle were you are learning. Depending on which road you take you can look back and say I surely enjoyed my twenties or say I wish I would have made wiser choices, whatever you decide, you must do what is best for you. First you must decide if you want a relationship. Are you nervous or fear of the unknown? You both are placing titles on each other without fully stating if you both even want to be in a relationship with each other that sound backwards. I’m curious, do you really like him? and I know you said you really like him, but what are the mix feelings? I ask because you said “I really like this guy”, not I like this guy. I learned, when you really want something, you don’t have to second guess it. You know how we women are, think about it. When you have that feeling inside, there is no second guessing. Don’t make a decision because he is a nice guy; make your decision because you value Ms. Washington above all. Remember true feelings are not mix feelings. God bless you and don’t let anyone talk you into something you don’t want. Be true to yourself, you deserve it. Remember you are I-female, strong and prosperous.

“Makes Me Smile” - Single by Shivice Brown on the iTunes Store. Preview, buy, and download Makes Me Smile - Single for $0.99. Songs start at just $0.99.

Write to Dear Stenell and your letter may be featured in IFemale Magazine where author, therapist and motivational speaker Stenell Greene-Myers will respond to you.

“Just Wanna Be Heard” Shivice Brown

Also “Hold On” her second single on the iTunes Store. Preview, buy, and download .

Dear Stenell P.O Box 935 Vineland New Jersey 08362

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Body & Spirit > Gospel Secrets > A Blood Wage BY TONY MYERS

According to the dictionary wages means “recompense or return”. The meaning of recompense is “to pay or give compensation for; make restitution or requital for (damages, and or injuries)." The bible state that the wages of sin is death but the gift from God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 6: 23). We all understand that and we also know that salvation was not free, that it came with a price. We say this all the time. This very true cliché is proven every time we bleed. The price of seeing blood is pain. From the paper

ment for all mans illness was paid in

cut to gunshot wound whenever you see your blood you experience pain. Well that experience was no different for Gods’. God came down from the thrown and

full. His head was bleeding as well when they push the crown of thorns on it. A price paid for your peace. The bible states, “Peace I give unto you, my peace I leave unto you, not as the world gives I unto you, let not your heart be

step into time, into a woman, and into flesh for

trouble either let it be afraid.” (John 14:27) The mental capacity of a

the express purpose to pay the wages of mans

man was paid for by the blood of Jesus. The blood that purred out

sins. That payment was made with blood, Gods’

from his head was payment enough to cover all mental issues. His

blood. God experienced the pain of bleeding in

hands were bleeding too. The spike that was driven into his hands

a way I pray that you and I will never have to

was payment for your prosperity. The bible states, “Beloved, I wish

forgo. The blood that was shed for our sins

above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as

came at the expense of great pain and suffering.

thy soul prospereth.” (3 John 1:2)

The bible states, “he was wounded for

God paid a blood price for your prosperity< poverty was cared at

our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniq-

Calvary. The path that a man goes in life was paid for by the blood of

uities: the chastisement of our peace was upon

Jesus. Blood came out of his feet. According to Psalm 37: 23 “The

him; and with his stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah

steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD<” And finally he gave

54: 5) Jesus Christ the anointed one of God, the

up his life so you could have life.

first begotten of the Father suffered a terminus price for our salvation. The stripes that the bible

Jesus said" No man takes my life but I freely lay it down".

is referring to are the 39 lashes that He took onto his flesh.

Let's not forget the blood that came from his heart when they pierced

The whip that they used had a hook at

him on his side. The blood pays for every person to have the heart of

the end, so that it can hook into the flesh and rip

Christ. Jesus body paid for not only the sins of man but also the con-

the flesh off his body. His back looked like

dition of man! Yes we are brought with a price, and that price was

ground beef after they were finished. The pay-

and still is the blood of Jesus Christ.

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I-Female Magazine and Canvas Hair Salon in association with Le Petite Capella

Present

“I Am a Survivor” Fundraiser Event

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magazine@i-female.net We are taking the time to honor women who have overcome the many trials and tribulation of life. We all know someone or maybe even ourselves, who has endured some obstacles.

WWW.IAMASURVIVOR.EVENTBRITE. COM

CONTACT: STENELL GREENE-MYERS (856-366-0333) GINA GRACE (856-520-3344) TRUDEAN WRIGHT (215-720-6265) KAMILLI WALKER (856-430-5167)

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Now ready to take Canvas Hair Salon to the next level Gina began to build her team where she met Charlene Barnes a registered nurse at Robert Wood Johnson Hospital whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s passion for beauty shows in her signature smokey eye make-up as well as dramatic lashes. Canvas Hair Salon provides services such as single and multi-dimensional hair color and cuts, eye-brow waxing/ arching as well as relaxers. Canvas Hair Salon is open from Tuesday-Saturday by appointment only

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Specializing in natural hair, weaves and braids, Gina went to beauty school where after completing and received her certification and licenses took the beauty industry by storm. From hairstyling and doing make-up for photo & video shoots, as well as hair shows and training up and coming stylists, she was ready to start something new, something of her own style thus she started Canvas Hair Salon.

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I-Female Magazine Rate Sheet | Stenell Greene-Myers, Publisher I-Female Is Me

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Family > Relationships > Teenagers > Cyberbullying

Mean girls and bullies have been around forever, but with technology they have a whole new platform for their actions. Growing up we were taught “sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt me” as adults we’re becoming more aware that the “sticks and stones” adage no longer hold true; virtual name calling can have a great effect on the well being of kids and teens. Parent doesn’t always know how and when to step in and sometimes it’s not always easy. Kids use technology differently from parents. Many spend a lot of time on social networking sites; send text messages and instant messages (IMs) by the hundreds. Even though they may be advance with technology, they still need parent’s guidance.

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The growing awareness of cyber- sense of humor could be anbullying had helped us learn a lot other's devastating insult. Nevermore about how to prevent it. theless, a repeated pattern of emails, text messages, and online posts is rarely accidental. LeavWhat Is Cyberbullying? ing overtly cruel cell phone text Cyberbullying is the use of technol- messages or post mean notes on ogy to harass, threaten, embarrass, websites can be clear-cut. Other or target another person. By defini- acts are less obvious, such as imtion, it occurs among young people. personating a victim online or When an adult is involved, it may posting personal information or meet the definition of cyber- videos designed to hurt or emharassment or cyber-stalking, a barrass another child. crime that can have legal conse- A 2006 poll from the national organization Fight Crime: Invest quences and involve jail time. in Kids found that 1 in 3 teens Cyberbullying also can happen ac- and 1 in 6 preteens have been the cidentally. The impersonal nature of victims of cyberbullying. As text messages, IMs, and emails more and more youths have acmake it very hard to detect the cess to computers and cell sender's tone — one teen's joke or phones, the incidence of cyberbullying is likely to rise. JA NUA RY

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Signs of Cyberbullying Many kids and teens who are cyberbullied are reluctant to tell a teacher or parent, often because they feel ashamed of the social stigma, or because they fear their computer privileges will be taken away at home. The signs that a child is being cyberbullied vary, but a few things to look for are:  signs of emotional distress during or after using the Internet  withdrawal from friends and activities  avoidance of school or group gatherings  slipping grades and "acting out" in anger at home changes in mood, behavior, sleep, or appetite

Effects of Cyberbullying No longer limited to schoolyards or street corners, modern-day bullying can happen at home as well as at school — essentially 24 hours a day. And, for kids who are being cyberbullied, it can feel like there's no escape. Severe cyberbullying can leave victims at greater risk for anxiety, depression, and other stress-related disorders. In some cases, some kids have turned to suicide. The punishment for cyberbullies can include being suspended from school or kicked off of sports teams. Certain types of cyberbullying also may violate school codes or even anti-discrimination or sexual harassment laws.

How Parents Can Help If you discover that your child is being cyberbullied, be sure to discuss how it feels. Offer assurance that it's not your child's fault. Talking to teachers or school administrators also may help. Many schools, school districts, and afterschool clubs have established protocols for responding to cyberbullying; these vary by district and state. But before reporting the problem, let your child know that you plan to do so, as he or she could have concerns about "tattling" and might V ISIT

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prefer that the problem be handled at home. Other measures to try:  Block the bully. Most devices have settings that allow you to electronically block emails, IMs, or text messages from specific people. Limit access to technology. Although it's hurtful, many kids who are bullied can't resist the temptation to check Web sites or phones to see if there are new messages. Keep the computer in a public place in the house (no laptops in children's bedrooms, for example) and limit the use of cell phones and games. Some companies allow you to turn off text messaging services during certain hours, which can give bullied kids a break.  Know your kids' online world. Check their postings and the sites kids visit, and be aware of how they spend their time online. Talk to them about the importance of privacy and why it's a bad idea to share personal information online, even with friends. Encourage them to safeguard passwords. If your child agrees, you may also arrange for mediation with a therapist or counselor at school who can work with your child and/or the bully.

When Your Child Is the Bully Finding out that your child is the one who is behaving inappropriately can be upsetting and heartbreaking. It's important to address the problem head on and not wait for it to go away. Talk to your child firmly about his or her actions and explain the negative impact it has on others. Joking and teasing might JA NUA RY

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seem OK, but it can hurt people's feelings and lead to getting in trouble. Bullying — in any form — is unacceptable; there can be serious (and sometimes irrevocable) consequences at home, school, and in the community if it continues. Remind your child that the use of cell phones and computers is a privilege. Sometimes it helps to restrict the use of these devices until behavior improves. If you feel your child should have a cell phone for safety reasons, make sure it is a phone that can only be used for emergency purposes. To get to the heart of the matter, sometimes talking to teachers, guidance counselors, and other school officials can help identify situations that lead your child to bully others. If mismanaged anger is a problem, talk to a doctor about helping your child learn to cope with anger, hurt, frustration, and other strong emotions in a healthy way. Professional counseling often helps kids learn to deal with their feelings and improve their social skills, which in turn can curb bullying. All information on KidsHealth is for educational purposes only. www.kidshealth.org Article reviewed by Michelle New, PhD Date reviewed: January 2009

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SAVE THE DATE HOW TO GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

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Do you get butterflies at the very thought of speaking before others? Need help finding your rhythm and developing your style? Want to sharpen your elevator pitch and your presence? Considering a career in public speaking? Received constructive critique that you need help implementing?

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SAVE THE DATE Mo Hamilton, DTM Lt. Governor Education and Training District 29 Toastmasters Website: www.district29tm.org REGISTRATION: Secure your space via payment center on www.publicspeakinghelp.eventbrite.co m. After payment is received ($20 non members, $10 members) the access web link and dial in instructions will be emailed to you. This call will be recorded

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