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Kris Marshall
Our journalist asks a ‘celebrity’ the questions no one else has the balls to
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MARTINEY PASHLUS VERS
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or seven long years, Kris Marshall played ‘Adam the ginger fella’ in those BT adverts that were the bane of every commercial break. And though in a long acting career he has appeared in countless other TV shows and films, including middle-class sitcom My Family and the Hugh Grant cinematic atrocity, Love Actually, he is currently still best known as the lanky, soppy-hearted bloke with a girlfriend who looks about 15 years older than him. After BT joined the rest of the nation in getting bored with all this unfunny nonsense, they replaced him and his ‘family’ with an even more irritating bunch of tools. loaded got him on the phone and talked pygmy sex, Rice Krispies, and AIDS. We also found out that he is rather a good sport too.
My BT landline quality is shocking, could you do something about it?
[Laughs] I get a lot of people coming up to me in the street saying pretty unoriginal stuff like that. There was a guy who pulled up next to me in his car one day and shouted ‘Leave the bitch, leave her!’
It’s a good point. You looked years younger than her – it was a bit creepy and disturbing at times. I’ve always thought it was more a kinky mother/son thing going on...
I’m nearly as old as her – it’s the drink and drugs that keep me looking so young. But she’s a lovely girl and it was a pleasure to bring up her children.
Did you get to sleep with her in real life?
[Laughs] No, beautiful question, but no.
Do you worry about typecasting?
PICS: THE ADVERTISING ARCHIVES
No. They were a small part of what I was doing. I went to America and was in a couple of TV shows there. I did movies so I don’t think I will be typecast. It’s about changing people’s perception.
You once did a movie about pygmies called Oka!. Is this because you feel gingers such as yourself are unfairly persecuted in the same way as small people? No, ginger-haired people are much more persecuted than pygmies.
Were you loads taller than them?
Yes, quite a bit. They are around 4ft tall and I’m around 6ft 2.
So were you lording it up like C3P0 did over the Ewoks in Return Of The Jedi? (Laughs) No. But they think you are very
wealthy. Which, of course, in comparison to them you are.
I have to ask this: did you sleep with any of your new pygmy friends?
No, no. There was always a chance to sleep with someone in Africa, but I’m all right for AIDS so I didn’t indulge.
You discover a female Bigfoot living at the bottom of your garden, do you: A: Call the RSPCA? B: Film a documentary about the monster? C: In the interests of inter-species relations, mate with her? D: Beat it to death with a rake? After all Bigfoots are devious and must be destroyed for the sake of your fellow man.
and began... [makes mouthing off noises].
What did you do with the money from BT, did you upgrade to Sky?
B’dum tish! I went with Sky but then all the money eventually ran out so I’m now with Virgin Media.
Why on earth is your name spelt with a ‘K’ then? Is that some sort of tribute to the breakfast cereal ‘Rice Krispies’?
C. Sleep with it. I’ve always quite liked a hirsute woman.
Yes, who doesn’t want to name themselves after Rice Krispies? I was originally torn between ‘Snap’ or ‘Crackle’. Not really. There was an actor already called ‘Chris Marshall’ so I had to change it. It was the first thing that came into my head. The other Chris Marshall has retired from acting now but gets loads of invites to parties and premieres because they think he’s me.
(Laughs) He was fantastic in bed. He left me afterwards and I went out and got drunk
Exactly. As long as someone is happy that’s all that counts. ■ loaded Kris’ new film ‘A Few Best Men’ is in cinemas from 31 August 2012
You once called Ricky Gervais a ‘Talentless fuck’. That’s a bit harsh isn’t it? Was he really that bad in bed?
Good for him.
“I would sleep with a female Bigfoot. I’ve always quite liked a hirsute women” loaded.co.uk l 029
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