Live with Purpose
It’s Up to You
It’s difficult to be a girl in 2025… You’re living in two demanding worlds: the real world and the online world. The pressure can build quickly between dealing with school, activities, sports, and even your home life. Never mind the complexity of relationships— both friendships and romantic ones. Or being influenced or bullied by people online.
Beneath that pressure, you have dreams and hopes for your future. You’re on a journey to become a secure, confident woman willing to work for a meaningful life. Many of the choices you make during this time of your life will affect you for years to come, both in positive and difficult ways.
Inside this magazine, you’ll find facts and tools to empower you to make good choices, including
choosing who you surround yourself with, how you think about yourself and your body, whether you should send a nude, and deciding when to start having sex. These choices can all have a major impact on your life.
Your journey to a successful, fulfilled, and purposeful life begins with making the commitment to learn how to choose the right things. Sometimes you might make mistakes, but every day you get the opportunity for a new beginning.
You Get To Decide. Life Is What You Make Of It. Live With Purpose.
Dating and relationships can be overwhelming and all-consuming in our minds.
We spend so much time, so much mental and emotional energy asking ourselves:
• Who am I going to be with?
• How will this person fulfill me?
• How good can I look while doing it?
But we should really focus on these questions:
• Who do I want to be?
• What am I living for?
• Who am I living for?
Figuring out relationships starts with figuring yourself out. People want to have real relationships with the real you. You need to know who the real you is so that you can form those authentic relationships you desire.
• Focus on finding out who you are and grow in your relationship with yourself.
• What are the characteristics you want in an ideal future spouse? An ideal friend? Strive to develop those characteristics in yourself, and you’ll attract that type of person.
Have you ever heard of the Success Sequence? According to the Brookings Institute, only 3% of people end up living in poverty if they do these three things:
1 Get a High School Diploma.
2 Maintain a Full-Time Job.
3 Wait Until Marriage to Have Kids.
I started high school... as a confident, kind, and fun girl. I had my crew, and the four of us conquered freshman year together. I felt secure in who I was—but my friends did not. They wanted popularity and started making decisions I didn’t agree with. I stood my ground and told them I wasn’t willing to do certain things to seem cool. Our friendship became a roller coaster. Sometimes they ignored me, but mostly they tried to “fix” me, saying I was “such a drag.” It shattered my confidence. I became desperate, willing to do anything to keep my friends. Loneliness in high school was my ultimate fear.
After a while, my friends told me that, behind my back, they decided to “throw me out” of the group. I was given a new set of rules: I couldn’t speak with them, sit with them at lunch, or hang out with them outside of school. I felt betrayed. It worsened when they began to bully me, spread rumors, and even turn classmates and teachers against me.
My worst nightmare had happened—I was all alone, and people were believing all sorts of lies about me! I felt the urge to lose myself in relationships with boys and superficial things to mask the pain. I wanted to show everyone they couldn’t get the best of me. I was desperate to be accepted.
Thankfully, I realized that if I chose to hook up with boys because of the pain I was in, the effect of those decisions would last far beyond high school. I’d carry them with me all my life. This perspective helped me to persevere through this tough time. I didn’t want it to ruin the life I was just beginning!
Instead, I channeled the pain and loneliness into new opportunities. I courageously made new friends and found genuine, supportive people who allowed me to be myself. I dove into hobbies I’d always loved: photography and cooking. I even turned my photography into a business.
I became grateful I was no longer with my old friends. I learned that friends who tear you down aren’t real friends. To my surprise, the loneliness I was terrified of opened unexpected doors. I also learned how resilient, brave, and strong I was through that experience, and it made me a more confident woman.
It’s a Love-Hate Relationship
Our phones are really useful tools, but we don’t realize they’re taking over our lives. Is there really a problem with enjoying your phone? Is it crazy that you both love and hate it at the same time?
According to a recent study, these are the top five mental wellbeing problems for adolescents (13-17):
• Feelings of Sadness, Distress, or Hopelessness
• Guilt and Blame
• Fear and Anxiety
• Unwanted, Strange, or Obsessive Thoughts
• Sense of Being Detached from Reality
Yourself:
These problems are all associated with phone or tablet ownership at a young age.
Do you find yourself struggling with any of these things? You’re not alone! And there is hope. You can reclaim your emotional and mental wellbeing.
While it’s not always possible to completely go without a cellphone, here are some suggestions for getting away from the screens and reconnecting with the people and world around you:
• Journaling and reflection. Try setting yourself a daily mindfulness goal, like 10 minutes, and choose to sit still and do nothing. No music, no screen, just you. Journal about it afterwards, if you like.
• Hobbies that involve your senses: music, sports, acting, paper and thread crafts, art, DIY projects, etc.
• Think about and develop your personal convictions. If you’re religious or spiritual, spend some time growing in your faith, praying, and reading holy books. If you aren’t religious or spiritual, deepen your convictions that guide your life by reading and pondering books about them.
Take Action
Most phones have a digital wellbeing widget that’ll show your unlocks and screen time for the day.
Just seeing how many times you’ve unlocked your phone and how much time you’ve spent on it each day can help you to manage your phone usage.
Your Loved Ones:
• Hang out with friends in person and keep phones in the “parking garage” in purses or a place where you can’t feel every buzz and hear every notification.
Engage in micro-interactions: chat between classes, talk while eating dinner, give a high five, etc.
Your World:
• Walk out in nature, without earbuds in.
• Go out to fun, free, or low-cost places like zoos, conservatories, museums, parks, malls, petting zoos, animal cafes or shelters, etc.
Learning how to disconnect from tech and reconnect with the current moment will help you to heal your mental wellbeing and also deepen the real relationships in your life.
—Gennie
Body Image BODY IMAG E
Being able to think a multitude of thoughts at one time makes you both a great multi-tasker and an over-thinker. Especially when it comes to self-image. Sometimes it can feel like you are your own worst enemy. Your mind goes through doubt after doubt about yourself in a matter of a minute. Do these jeans make me look fat?
Why don’t I have her waist?
If only I had her style! I wish I had her hair… What will others think of me?
All this overthinking is a vicious cycle of believing you must perfect yourself to have value. You look for things to fix this—new clothes, the latest technology, or maybe just checking out and doom-scrolling. But you’ll still find those things will never remove insecurities but often make them worse. Becoming confident in your body starts with your mind.
Nothing anyone says about you, your body, or your appearance can ever change your value. You always have the opportunity to redefine how you think and feel about yourself.
If you constantly believe you aren’t enough, your imperfections will drive all your thoughts, decisions, and mental energy. Struggling with body image is exhausting because it all happens in your mind! You are your own worst critic when it comes to your body, but now is the time to start re-framing how you think about yourself.
DearLivvy...
Here are some tips:
• Appreciate what your body can do. Write positive thoughts down to serve as a reminder to you when you feel like you aren’t enough
• What do you like about yourself that isn’t related to your weight or physical looks? You are more than a body.
• Pay attention to things that might make you more critical of your body. For example, are there certain magazines, TikTok, or Instagram accounts that always leave you feeling bad about yourself? Unfollow them!
• Talk about it! You aren’t alone in the struggle. Opening up can be a path to support and encouragement. Still, nagging or negative doubts and questions about yourself will come back from time to time. By choosing to reframe how you think about yourself, you can throw those negative thoughts out as quickly as they come.
Your body is part of who you are, but your body doesn’t define you. It was a life-changing moment for me when I recognized that. There’s so much more to me than how I look. It’s liberating to realize that what I see on Instagram doesn’t need to define who I am, what I should look like, or how I should act.
Deep down, we all know that there’s no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect life. Defining yourself by who you are and what you do, rather than how you look, is a brave choice to defy the deception of perfections that society tells us to buy into. It can be scary at first, but the world needs to know that real, imperfect women exist. Let’s dare to break the rules. We don’t need to add a filter to hide or mask our imperfections. We need to be ourselves, telling our own stories and thinking our own thoughts. We don’t have to follow the crowd. We can choose to surround ourselves with people who encourage and uplift us. We are bold enough to reject deceit and believe we are beautiful.
Have more questions for Livvy? Write to her at j4gmagazine.com
Dear Livvy, A random guy contacted me through social media and started telling me how beautiful I am. I have no clue who he is. What do you think of this? What should I do?
–Randomly Beautiful
Dear Randomly Beautiful, This is a red flag, and you should not respond. Just delete his message and block him. It’s scary, but this could be an online predator trying to meet up with you to kidnap, assault or sell you into trafficking. Predators convince young girls and even guys that their beauty will land them a modeling job, only to find themselves victims of prostitution, pornography, and slave labor. If he continues to contact you, tell your parents or a teacher. If he sends you a sexually explicit image, report him to the authorities.
Dear Livvy, It seems like all the girls at school have a boyfriend besides me. I can’t help but feel a little jealous and well, to be honest, desperate. I can’t help it. I just really want a boyfriend! What should I do?
–Really Want a Boyfriend
Dear Really Want a Boyfriend, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s natural to want to be chosen—you are not alone. But it’s also not the case that everyone has a boyfriend! As you wait, I have a couple of ideas. Concentrate on developing into the kind of woman you want to be. Spend time on the things you enjoy. Develop solid friendships. This is the best thing you can do at this time. Friendships are important to have at every stage of life! It can be easy, once you find a boyfriend, to become infatuated to the point where your identity is wrapped up with him, causing breakups to leave you feeling like you’ve lost yourself.
What’s Going On?
Have you ever wondered why you think or feel differently during your cycle? Throughout your cycle, progesterone, estrogen, and luteinizing hormones (LH) all surge and fall, impacting your moods, appetite, and energy.1
In women, Follicle-Stimulating Hormone (FSH) stimulates the growth of ovarian follicles in the ovary before the release of an egg (ovulation). It also signals the body to increase oestradiol production.3 Your reproductive hormones change your body’s internal chemistry, which can and will affect how you think and feel.
Guys
In men, the Follicle-Stimulating Hormone (FSH) acts on the Sertoli cells of the testes to stimulate sperm production (spermatogenesis).1 So, adult males are hormonally consistent from day to day. During puberty, guys can have mood swings, but they don’t fluctuate cyclically like a woman’s does during her cycle.
A “Typical” 28-Day Menstrual Cycle
Low Estrogen and progesterone levels signal the body to start shedding the built-up blood and uterine lining
Estrogen, FSH, and LH all increase during follicular and peak at ovulation.
Your body naturally ovulates.
The corpus luteum (the follicle where the egg came from) tells your body to start producing progesterone to make the womb a nice, welcoming place for a baby to implant.
During the luteal phase, estrogen falls to a moderate level and progesterone rises, causing the uterine lining to build up.
Estrogen and progesterone fall sharply before menstruation.
What’s Going On with Hormonal Contraception?
When discussing the hormone cycle, it’s important to understand the difference between your natural cycle and the hormonal shifts your body experiences when using hormonal contraception or birth control.
The placebo week, for those contraceptive methods that have one, mimics menstruation but is actually caused by hormone withdrawal.4
Continuous release of synthetic progesterone and estrogen prevents the natural fluctuation of hormones and ovulation. It’s a bit like continually being in the middle of the luteal phase, but with a high risk of developing anxiety and depression.5,6
The constant, relatively low levels of progesterone and estrogen do not cause the endometrium to build up like it does in the luteal phase.7
To learn more about hormonal contraception and its side effects, visit: www.j4gmagazine.com/contraception-consequences
What can I do?
The hormone cycle affects women in all aspects of life. So, it makes sense that the choices we make in different areas of our life will also have an effect on our hormone health. Adjusting our lifestyle, movement, and nutrition choices to the phases of our menstrual cycle can help improve how we experience it and our disposition towards it. Diet changes, natural supplements, and exercise can help to regulate and support a healthy cycle.
If you struggle with some part of your cycle in particular, try using these suggestions to see if they can help with your problem areas.
If you think you have a cycle disorder, such as PCOS or endometriosis, or if something seems seriously wrong, talk to a trusted women’s health physician or specialist. Debilitating pain and nausea during menstruation are not normal or healthy.
For more information and suggestions, scan:
STOP
If the doctor recommends hormonal contraception, you can say no! There are natural options that may work for you. You have the information and the tools to say that hormonal contraception isn’t what’s best for your body and that you want something good for your natural cycle.
Follicular
Menstruation
Luteal Ovulation
DATING DECODED
So, you’re getting to know who you are, and you’re striving to be the best version of yourself, to love yourself. Now you’re feeling ready to start thinking about dating!
I’ll let you in on a little secret: guys find self-respect attractive! A woman who knows her value and sticks to her convictions is way more attractive to a guy than the most beautiful girl in school who has no selfrespect and lets guys walk all over her. Good guys will wait to have sex if you will. The players and those just looking for a good time won’t stick around once they realize you’re serious, but the best guys will! Those are the ones worth investing your time, energy, and heart into.
So, how do you date in the real world? Here are a few tips.
Get to know each other as friends first. Go and do things with a group of friends. Talk to each other in person.
Don’t take any relationship to the next step over text. To have a real relationship, you need to have clear communication in person. The best way to escape the gray area of “talking” or “hanging out” is to talk about things in person. This means clearly communicating about when you’re just friends, when you’re getting to know each other better, and when you’re dating. Clear is kind, both to him and to yourself, even if it’s hard and feelings could get hurt.
Take things slow. When you have such strong feelings for someone, it’s easy to think that you’ll be together forever. But take a step back and look at your situation with fresh eyes. You’re still high schoolers, and neither of you are looking to get married yet. Keep it a little more casual. It’s good to take things slow, both physically and emotionally.
Women & Porn
“I felt trapped and alone… People don’t see what it does in the hearts and minds of those that it affects. They don’t see what it does inside the homes and relationships of those that it holds captive. They don’t see the lives that it ruins.”
In the past, pornography and masturbation have been framed as male issues, leaving many women feeling isolated in the struggle against pornography. The reality is that 62.1% of women have seen pornography before the age of 181, and 17% struggle with it.2
Pornography is far from harmless. There is nothing normal or healthy about it. It alters the brain, normalizes sexual violence, and sets unrealistic expectations. Even so-called “ethical” pornography hurts the people who use it and often continues to exploit the people involved in producing it. 3
“I ran to pornography whenever I was lonely, but it only breeds loneliness. It also became a crutch if I was ever bored, disappointed, or angry with myself.”
A growing number of young people are saying no to pornography and there are a lot of good reasons to join the movement:
1. Your mind matters. Pornography changes your brain. It is addictive, decreases sensitivity to pleasure,4 and reduces frontal brain matter.5 It has also been found to decrease self-control6 and it’s harmful to the mental health of those who use it.7,8
Dating Do’s & Don’ts
Stay with the Group
If you don’t know the person well or if you met online, it’s better to date in a public setting or to go on a double date with a couple you know. Be aware of the dangers of human trafficking.
Stand Your Ground
Don’t be tolerant of a guy who violates your personal boundaries. If he doesn’t respond when you tell him to stop, leave the situation.
Watch Your Beverage
Don’t accept beverages from people you don’t know and don’t drink out of anything you’ve left unattended. “Date rape drugs” can be slipped into your drink when you’re not paying attention or without you even realizing it.
Trust Your Instincts
If you sense something isn’t right, end the date or get out of the situation. You can say you need to use the restroom and then leave. If you’re concerned for your safety, call 911.
2. Your time is valuable.
47% of pornography users reported consuming pornography for 30 minutes to three hours per day.9 In one year, that can add up to over a thousand hours. Unsurprisingly, 30% of users reported that their work performance suffered because of their pornography use.10
3. Pornography sets unrealistic body standards. Pornography use worsens body image and decreases self-esteem.11 What makes you truly beautiful and attractive is your intelligence, personality, and your natural body. The pornography industry treats women as sex objects, valuing them only for their bodies while setting completely unrealistic standards.
4. Pornography normalizes objectification and sexual violence.
The pornography industry profits from abuse and exploitation12 fuels sex trafficking,13 and portrays sexual violence as normal. A team of researchers found that 88% of the scenes in the most popular pornography films contained physical violence and 49% contained verbal attacks.14 No one should ever treat you like that, especially not in a vulnerable situation. Degrading women isn’t sexy, and it certainly isn’t love.
5. Your relationships are healthier without it. Pornography use decreases relationship satisfaction15 and commitment to one’s partner,16 as well as dramatically increasing the likelihood of divorce.17 Your current and future relationships will be much healthier without pornography!
If you are struggling, seek real help from health professionals. For more information and testimonies from young women like you, scan this QR code.
DearLivvy...
Have more questions for Livvy? Write to her at j4gmagazine.com
Dear Livvy, I was asked by my boyfriend to send a nude. I feel pressured into sending it because he said that I would be a “prude” if I didn’t and that all our friends are doing it. –Pressured to Sext
Dear Pressured to Sext, Let’s be clear, you’re not a prude if you say no. And you’re not alone. You may think all your peers are sexting, but did you know that only 15% of adolescents have ever sent a nude?1 This number has been steadily going down! Standing up to someone else’s demands on the other side of the screen shows you value and respect yourself. You are not just a body. You are a whole and complete person with unique talents and gifts. You have a sense of humor and a personality. A sexually explicit image of yourself treats your body like a disposable object and often, women who send nudes regret it.
I think I’m pregnant…
Have you ever thought about what you might do if you experienced an unplanned pregnancy? Or how you might respond to a friend who is pregnant and worried? Here are some steps to help you or someone you know:
Take a breath, don’t panic. Panicking tends to take your mind to the worst possible outcomes of a situation. Take a deep breath and confirm whether or not you’re currently pregnant. Stay calm and remember you don’t have to go through this alone.
Don’t judge yourself for your emotions. Being pregnant causes so many chemical and hormonal changes in your body. You’re going to feel a lot of emotions — let it happen and don’t judge yourself for it. Bottling up your emotions will only add to your stress and anxiety. Talk through your feelings with a friend or counselor, or write it out.
Take care of yourself. Your body is doing a lot during pregnancy. Make sure you’re getting rest, proper nutrition, and plenty of water. Talk to a healthcare provider about proper prenatal care, and don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself.
Get a support system together and ask for help. Surround yourself with people who will support you, and don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it— whether it’s financial or emotional. You can ask your support network for help planning a baby shower, getting baby supplies, or even setting up a GoFundMe to buy supplies in the future.
Dear Livvy, I have a new boyfriend and I’m nervous he will try something I’m not ready for. What should I tell him if he pushes me? –Not Ready
Dear Not Ready, There’s no reason to be ashamed for not being ready to send nudes, have sex, or do anything you aren’t ready for! This shows good self-awareness on your end. Before you get in a situation, I recommend setting boundaries about sex. Be upfront with him and talk about it. I recommend saving sex for marriage, and you’re not alone if you want to. Waiting to have sex will make it better, not worse, because your relationship will be on solid ground when you do. Having sex early on will decrease your chance of a successful relationship. If he isn’t willing to agree on the same goals and boundaries as you, let him go. It’ll hurt, but if he really loves you, he won’t just wait for you but join you. He isn’t worth it if he compromises your goals and boundaries.
saving sex
“As a teen, I played the third wheel because my sister had many boyfriends and I didn’t. I became depressed and wondered why guys didn’t like me.
When I finally got a boyfriend, it became an abusive relationship. I ended it, but even with that freedom, I still didn’t know who I was and ended up with more exes. Then I met Caden. Even though our values didn’t match, he made me feel special. I thought Caden was “the one.”
I wanted to remain a virgin before marriage, but the only thing I remembered from sex-ed was ‘don’t have sex.’ I took that to mean anything but sex was fine. We kept getting physically closer until that one night we went all the way. I regretted it immediately. I couldn’t take it back, ever. I felt like avoiding sex no longer mattered, so we kept sleeping together (in secret).
I felt like I was leading a double life. I kept ignoring the nagging problem of our mismatched values. He was perfect for me except for one thing—he didn’t understand my value of saving sex for marriage. Breaking up with Caden was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it changed my life and made me the person I am today.
I vowed not to be physical with someone again until I was 100% sure whom I would marry and that he would respect my sexual integrity.
While I was single, I found a group of friends who shared my values. An honorable guy in the group, Tyler, later became my beloved husband. I was his first girlfriend—his first kiss! He understood that waiting was important, so we waited to have sex until our wedding night. Now I am content with the real man who showed me I was worth waiting for.”
Do you know the facts?
1. What percentage of sexually active young women have had a genital Human Papillomavirus (HPV)?1
a. 30%
b. 15%
c. 80%
d. 70%
2. True or False: The younger a person is when they start having sex, the greater the chance of getting an STI.2
a. True
b. False
3. True or False: You can get an STI if you have oral sex.3
a. True
b. False
4. ___ out of ___ teens who have had sex wish they had waited.4
a. 1 out of 4
b. 2 out of 3
c. 1 out of 3
d. 1 out of 2
5. According to the most recent CDC data, at least 43 million people nationwide were infected with HPV in 2018.5 More than ___% of cases of cervical cancer are linked to HPV.6 a. 30% b. 63% c. 91% d. 99%
Answers: 1: C 2: A 3: A 4: D 5: D
Live with Purpose
In today’s society, the conversation about waiting to have sex can feel outdated or meaningless. Who has enough willpower these days to actually hold themselves to that goal? Contrary to what pop culture says, people do still wait.
Did you know that couples that wait to have sex have higher levels of satisfaction, contentment, and better sex? Relationships that quickly move toward sex, on the other hand, are often filled with problems.
There are countless ways to show someone that you love them, other than having sex. Waiting to have sex until you’re fully committed to one another, like getting married, is a beautiful expression of real love. It shows you’re willing to use self-control, patience, and put real love into practice for someone. Not to mention, waiting to have sex is the number one way to find someone who truly loves you for all the right reasons.
Maybe you’re reading this and you’ve already had sex with someone. That doesn’t mean you can’t start over now. Just because you’ve had sex in the past doesn’t mean you have to do it with the next person you date.
Lyda
The inside scope on girls
Are you a consumer?
Are You Ready to Take on Your Future?
The stress of being a man can add up. Maybe that pressure comes from school, family, your coach, or even your friends’ expectations of you. Do you feel it?
Every guy wants to be a success, but not every guy makes a plan to succeed. The decisions you make today will make a difference later on.
You want to make good grades, have some money, and play your favorite video game, but ultimately you want to finish school, get a great job, and build the perfect life. One major challenge to building that future revolves around how you develop relationships today. That’s what this magazine is all
about―how to build good, solid relationships.
In this magazine, you’ll get the “Inside scoop on girls,” dating advice, and the hard-hitting truth about pornography and how it keeps you from the future you want.
Now is the time when you decide what kind of man you want to become and what type of life you want to live. You get to choose what your future looks like. This is your time.
Dating and relationships can be overwhelming and all-consuming in our minds.
We spend so much time, so much mental and emotional energy asking ourselves:
• Who am I going to be with?
• How will this person fulfill me?
• How good can I look while doing it?
Figuring out relationships starts with figuring yourself out. People don’t want a relationship with a fake person; they want a real relationship with the real you. You need to know who the real you is so that you can form those authentic relationships you desire.
But we should really focus on these questions:
• Who do I want to be?
• What am I living for?
• Who am I living for?
What are the characteristics you want in an ideal future spouse? An ideal friend? Strive to develop those characteristics in yourself, and you’ll attract that type of person.
SUCCESS SEQUENCE
Have You Ever Heard of the Success Sequence? According to the Brookings Institute, only 3% of people end up living in poverty if they do these three things:
1 Get a High School Diploma. 2 Maintain a Full-Time Job. 3 And Wait Until Marriage to Have Kids.
This leads to a 97% chance of living free from poverty.1 Those are pretty good odds.
“I’m not always attached to my phone; sometImes It’s chargIng.”
Smartphones are useful tools, but sometimes we don’t realize they’re taking over our lives. How do these devices affect us? Is there really a problem? According to a recent study, these are the top five mental wellbeing problems for adolescents (13-17):1
• Feelings of sadness, distress, or hopelessness
• Guilt and blame
• Fear and anxiety
• Unwanted, strange, or obsessive thoughts
• Sense of being detached from reality
These problems are all associated with phone or tablet ownership at a young age. Do you struggle with any of these things? You’re not alone! And there is hope. You can work to reclaim your mental and emotional freedom and stability.
While it’s not always possible to completely go without a cellphone, here are some suggestions for putting away the screens and rooting yourself in the world around you:
YOURSELF:
- Disciplined reflection For example, set yourself a daily goal, like 10 minutes, and choose to sit still and do nothing. No music, no screen, just you.
- Think about and develop your personal convictions. If you’re religious or spiritual, spend some time growing in your faith, praying, and reading holy books. If you aren’t religious or spiritual, deepen those convictions that guide your life by reading and pondering books about them.
- Hobbies that involve your senses: sports, exercise, DIY projects, music, art, acting, etc.
YOUR LOVED ONES:
- Hang out with friends in person and keep phones in the “parking garage” in backpacks or a place where you can’t feel or hear every notification.
- Engage in micro-interactions: chat between classes, when eating dinner, give high fives, handshakes etc.
YOUR WORLD:
- Walk outside without earbuds.
- Go out to fun, free, or low-cost places like parks, museums, zoos, conservatories, malls, animal shelters, etc.
TAKE ACTION Most phones have a digital wellbeing widget that’ll show your unlocks and screen time for the day. Just seeing how many times you’ve unlocked your phone and how much time you’ve spent on it in a day can help you to manage your phone usage. You can take back control of your life and mental wellbeing.
Is This What Dating in 2025 Has to Look Like?
You add her on social media or maybe she slides into your DMs. Then you text and message each other back and forth, sharing what you think of each other. You start to think every notification is from her and race to check them.
Then you start hooking up with each other…
But you both stare at your phones when you go out on dates.
“We couldn’t communicate in person because we had built the relationship through our phones.”
Does this sound familiar? If you like a girl, take the time to interact with her in REAL LIFE. It’s hard to build a relationship with someone you never speak to in person. Here are some tips to building a more real and meaningful relationship:
• Get to know the real her as a friend first. Do things in a group setting, in person. Allow her to get to know the real you, too!
• Don’t take any relationship to the next step over text. To have a real relationship, you need to have clear communication in person. The best way to escape the gray area of “talking” or “hanging out” is to talk about things in person. This means clearly communicating about when you’re just friends, when
you’re getting to know each other better, and when you’re dating. Clear is kind, even if it’s hard and feelings could get hurt. Be kind to her and yourself.
• If you’re interested in being exclusive with a girl, ask her out on a date in person. Talk to her about moving from seeing each other to dating. Define mutual expectations with her.
• Take things slow. You’re both still developing as young adults. Don’t rush into physical and emotional intimacy. Allow things to progress slowly so you can both get to know the real person you’re dating. And keep both her and your future success in mind.
Body Image
Feeling awkward or uncertain about your body at different stages in life, particularly during your teenage years, is completely normal. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are influenced by societal expectations that often define masculinity through traits such as strength, control, and physical appearance. Most of your peers grapple with these ideals, leading to feelings of inadequacy or insecurity about their bodies.
Struggling with body image is not a sign of weakness; rather, it reflects a deep emotional awareness and an understanding of yourself in a challenging social landscape. Everyone has their own insecurities, regardless of how they may appear on the surface.
Here are some tips:
Celebrate your individuality and acknowledge that perfection is an unrealistic goal. Instead of striving for an unattainable standard, focus on nurturing your own unique interests, talents, and mental well-being.
Engaging in activities that bring you joy can be a powerful way to relieve stress and enhance your self-worth. Whether it’s pursuing hobbies, sports, or creative outlets, these activities can serve as positive distractions and boost your confidence. Additionally, reaching out to trusted friends or family members to share your feelings can provide a sense of relief and support. Building a circle of supportive individuals who encourage your personal growth is invaluable during this period of self-discovery.
While dating can be an exciting part of life, it’s essential to remember that friendships, including those with girls, are equally valuable. These connections can lead to meaningful relationships and provide a foundation of trust and understanding.
Throughout your journey towards self-acceptance, always practice kindness—both towards yourself and others. This self-compassion will help you navigate the ups and downs of adolescence, fostering resilience and a deeper understanding of your own worth. In a world that often emphasizes external appearances, nurturing your emotional health and finding joy in your true self will pave the way for a fulfilling and authentic life.
Appreciate Your Strengths: Think about what your body can do for you—whether it’s crushing it at the gym, running fast, or even just keeping up with your friends in a game. Write down those things that make you feel strong and capable. It’s a great reminder when you’re feeling down about your appearance.
Focus on Your Skills and Interests: What do you like about yourself that has nothing to do with how you look? Maybe you’re a great gamer, a talented musician, or you’ve got a knack for making people laugh. Remember, you’re so much more than just your physical appearance.
Curate Your Feed: Be mindful of what you consume online. If certain social media accounts or magazines make you feel bad about yourself, it’s time to hit that unfollow button. Surround yourself with positivity that lifts you up instead of dragging you down.
Open Up to Friends: Remember, you’re not alone in feeling this way. A lot of guys deal with similar struggles. Talking about it with friends can help you feel supported and understood. Sometimes, just sharing your thoughts can lighten the load and open up a path to encouragement. By focusing on these aspects, you can build a healthier mindset and appreciate yourself for who you are, not just how you look.
The Inside Scoop On Girls
Have you ever said to yourself, “I never know what she wants? I’m not even sure she knows what she wants. One minute she’s fine... then she suddenly isn’t! What’s going on?” Before you decide to give up, there’s a logical answer. Take a look at these two hormone charts.
Girls
In women, progesterone, estrogen, and LH all surge and fall during her cycle, impacting her moods, appetite, and energy.2 This isn’t an excuse for girls to be mean, but it might help you understand a little better why your mother, sister, girlfriend, or classmates act the way they do.
What’s She Feeling?
Here’s a cheat sheet for you. While her emotions and reactions may still be confusing, hopefully knowing a bit about what she’s experiencing internally will help you to understand her a little bit better.
Guys
In men, the Follicle-Stimulating Hormone (FSH) acts on the Sertoli cells of the testes to stimulate sperm production (spermatogenesis).1 So, adult males are hormonally consistent from day to day. During puberty, guys can have mood swings, but they don’t fluctuate cyclically like a woman’s does during her cycle.
Menstrual Phase (Period) Hormones are low. Her emotions are generally low and can be more volatile.
Five Steps to Help Her...
Have you ever thought about how you can support a friend, girlfriend, or family member when she’s faced with an unexpected pregnancy?
1. Be there for her. When she finds out she’s pregnant, she’s going to feel like life is changing too fast. This can cause a lot of anxiety. Let her know that you’re there to listen and that she’s not alone.
2. Be Positive. Try not to respond with alarm when she’s already stressed—choose to be calm and reassuring.
3. Help Her. Identify ways you can help and offer to lend a hand. Could she use help finding a doctor, picking up her latest pregnancy cravings, or getting supplies? Don’t be overbearing. Just be available.
A “Typical” 28-Day Menstrual Cycle
Follicular Phase Hormones and energy are on the rise. She’s generally happy and excited.
Ovulatory Phase Hormones and energy peak. Her emotions are intense, for better or worse, and she’s ready to conquer the world.
Luteal Phase Hormones and energy start falling. She’s less interested in doing things and starts turning inward.
4. Provide Rest and Relaxation. This might be the most challenging period of her life. Support and encourage her. Let her know she still deserves a little pampering. Treat her to a meal, have a movie night at home, or indulge her with a spa day.
5. Create a Support Network. Have friends and family join in to help her as she adjusts to motherhood. Throw a baby shower, set up meal trains to help feed her, raise gas money or offer to drive her to appointments, start a GoFundMe page, or fundraise to help pay for baby supplies.
Start to think about this today, just in case. Plan to be there for her. She’ll need support. The key is not to panic if you or your friend faces an unexpected pregnancy.
Porn - ARE YOU A CONSUMER?
When was the last time you consumed pornography, on your phone, laptop, or tablet? Do you find you can’t keep those images out of your mind? By 11-yearsold, 51%1 of boys have seen porn, and by 17, 79%2 of young men have.
While some casually view pornography, many experience a real addiction to it. Society and pop culture perpetuate the belief that all men watch pornography by making jokes and crude comments about it. Pornography is treated as normal and good. But it’s not. So, if everyone watches it, why should you stop? Pornography has consequences. There’s nothing healthy about it, which is why a growing number of young people are refusing to be consumers. There are a lot of good reasons to join the movement:
1. Pornography messes with your mind. Pornography changes your brain. It’s addictive, decreases sensitivity to pleasure,3 and reduces frontal brain matter.4 It has also been found to decrease self-control5 and it’s harmful to the mental health of those who use it.6,7
2. Pornography keeps you from achieving your goals. 47% of pornography users reported consuming for 30 minutes to three hours per day.8 In one year, that can add up to over a thousand hours! Unsurprisingly, 30% of users reported that their work performance suffered because of their pornography use.9 Your goals matter―pornography gets in the way of achieving them.
3. You respect your body. Pornography not only affects the way that users view themselves by worsening body image and decreasing selfesteem,10 but it can also lead to physical problems, like sexual dysfunction.11
4. You refuse to fuel exploitation. The pornography industry profits from abuse and exploitation12 and fuels sex trafficking.13 Even so-called “ethical” pornography shows a disrespect for the sexual integrity of others and often exploits the people involved in producing it.14
5. Your relationships are healthier without it. Pornography use decreases relationship satisfaction15 and commitment to one’s partner,16 as well as dramatically increasing the likelihood of divorce.17 Your current and future relationships will be much healthier without pornography. It is possible to break the habit and there are countless people and resources to help you. Visit fightthenewdrug.org or joinfortify.com to find resources to help you!
“For 10 years of my compulsion, I didn’t pursue my dreams.
I didn’t discover my hobbies. For 10 years I played video games, watched TV, and watched porn. That was pretty much my life. Yes, I went out with friends and did social things, but when no one was around, that’s all I did. Now that porn is out of my life, I can pursue my dreams again. I can’t begin to describe how much
I want the last decade back. The relationships I could have had and the growth I could have experienced. Porn prohibited me from having any real relationships. By taking up hundreds and hundreds of hours of my life, porn stunted me from growing as a person.”
Breaking the Habit
Fighting against a pornography addiction can be mentally exhausting. You might feel like you’re all alone but you’re not the only one feeling guilt or shame. Pornography addiction is becoming a global epidemic that plagues too many. It is possible to create positive habits that will eventually break the addiction to pornography, but the images you viewed in the past may re-surface in your brain down the road and lead to relapses. Simple adjustments in your everyday routine will help you steer clear of pornography and keep it out of your life.
• Avoid problem websites and browsing the internet when you’re bored, tired, or stressed.
• Are there certain social media accounts that always end with you watching pornography? Avoid them.
• Block pornography sites in your browser. You could also use a text-only browser for a while.
• Don’t keep your smartphone next to your bed. If you need it for an alarm clock, get an actual alarm clock or switch your phone onto airplane mode.
• Did you just suffer a bad break-up? If so, only browse during the day. Try to replace the habit of watching pornography with some other activity. It’s easier to replace a bad habit with a good one than to just break it. Start working out to use up excess energy and fall asleep more quickly at night. The single most helpful thing you can do is talk about it with someone else and set up some sort of accountability system. You’re much less likely to view pornography if you have someone to help and keep you accountable. This should be someone you trust and report to frequently. It may seem like a scary thing to do; however, just the knowledge that your web activity can be seen by someone else will most likely keep you out of the darkest areas of the internet.
Sexting +
Have You Ever Been Asked To Send Nudes Before? Have You Ever Asked Someone Else To Send Nudes? Why Does It Matter?
You are not just a body. You are a whole and complete person with unique talents and gifts. You have a sense of humor and a personality. Nudes destroy that. A sexually explicit image of yourself treats your body like a disposable object.
Standing up to someone else’s demands on the other side of the screen shows that you value and respect yourself. More often than not, people who send nudes regret it, and those that don’t send them rarely do.
In the groundbreaking NY Times article, journalist Nick Kristoff shines light on the reality of sexting… “In the eighth grade she developed a crush on a boy a year older, and he asked her to take a naked video of herself. She sent it to him, and this changed her life… He had shared the videos with other boys, and someone posted them on Pornhub.” At the time, Savannah was 14 years old.
Before you send a nude, think about what it might mean for you in the future. Will this be the only person you ever sext? What happens to those pictures after you break up? Sharing an explicit image of yourself can open you up to assault and abuse by more than just one person.
If you’re thinking, “it’s just a little innocent fun,” picture your nudes on the web forever—nothing is ever fully removed from the internet. And future schools and employers will check the internet to see what they can find about you before looking at your application or resume.
Sending, having, and distributing explicit images or videos of people under 18 is illegal. Many teens have gotten into serious legal trouble for it, both the sender and the one who asked for it. It’s scary, but it’s important to think about future consequences before requesting or sending a nude.
Why save sex for marriage?
What a deep and intricate question. One that has caused major changes in the way our world views sex. They tell you that it’s just sex. It feels good, right? Why not enjoy it? I had to answer this question for myself when I began seriously pursuing a relationship. Why should I wait? If I truly love someone and I am attracted to her, isn’t it in our nature to desire sex, especially at our age? I found my answer to this question several years ago while sitting in my room reflecting on my beliefs. I decided someday I wanted to get married, I wanted to love someone completely. To do this, what must I do?
Well, I think that means I need to save sex for marriage. If I don’t wait, what happens? Well, I demonstrate my complete lack of self-control and a selfish desire to feel good. Frankly, it makes me look like a pathetic man who follows sudden whims and cravings. To me, it just seems... well, it seems rather easy to have sex before marriage. If I’m going to take the easy path in a relationship, how can I look her in the eye and tell her I truly love her? If I’m not willing to make this sacrifice for her, it isn’t love. It’s selfish. So, I found my answer. I will save sex for marriage because it shows that I actually do love this woman; not only her, but myself, too.
Many people have given me grief for this decision. My classmates do not seem to agree with my line of thinking, which has made things more difficult. But no one said love would be easy, so I take this difficulty as a direct challenge and one that I can overcome. So, what about you? Will you take this challenge with me? Now is the time to prove your manhood to the woman you claim to love. Do you love her, and will you wait for her? Or do you want to give in to your weakness? I chose the difficult path, and I believe it will lead me to happiness.
What will you choose?
Did you know?
Teens having sex are statistically more likely...
• To get pregnant1 (compared to sexually active adults).
• To live in poverty2 and have less financial net worth.3,4
• To contract sexually transmitted infections.5
• To experience sexual abuse and victimization.6
• To have poor self-esteem and mental health struggles.7 Among high school students, 68% of boys and 69% of girls have never had sex.8
50% of 18-19-year-olds wish they had waited longer to have sex.9
Young adults contract about 10 million new STIs each year, costing about $4.16 billion in direct medical costs.10
Now is Your Time
So now you’ve read some important—if not life altering—information about relationships. Are you willing to seek success for your future?
Each man is different. Each of us grows at our own pace and finds real love at different times. Perhaps today you’ve realized pornography is destroying your life. Maybe you see how it will influence your future and want to stop consuming now. You can, but you’ll need help.
Knowing the facts, recognizing relationship pitfalls, and seeking help from someone you trust are the first steps in accomplishing your relationship and life goals.
It’s time to rise to the challenge, make good choices, and create a great life for yourself. — Axel