Finance/Children

Hey Taylor: Bet you haven’t heard this question before (haha). Any tips for the best way to make Taylor my stimulus Kovar check count? Don’t love the idea of a handout so if I’ve got the money I want it to go to good use. - Nico

Hey Nico: Another month, another round of stimulus! The whole goal of these payments is to stimulate the economy, so that’s our job as recipients. Of course, there are a lot of ways to go about this. Get your finances back under control. If you’re one of the workers who was hit hardest by this pandemic and the ensuing shutdowns, you need to use this money wisely. Do whatever you can to get back on your feet and comfortable. The economy does much better when more people are self-sufficient, so if you can turn a stimulus check into a new job, then you’ve done the best thing possible for your situation.

Shop local. As you’ve probably heard, big companies like Amazon didn’t struggle much over the last year. It’s the small businesses that took the biggest hit, so that’s where you need to spend if possible. Take your bike to get repaired at the local shop or donate some of your cash to an afterschool program that hasn’t been able to hold classes. Those of us who were fortunate enough to keep earning a paycheck should try to think of the ways we can help people who had a tougher go of it while things were shut down.

Go to restaurants. When you go out to eat, you spread the wealth very effectively. Cooks, wait staff, and food and drink vendors all take home a slice of that pie, so you can feel good about your choice to dine out instead of cooking at home. This is also a great opportunity to tip big, as we all know waiters and waitresses who could use a little extra padding in their wallets.

Get out of debt, invest, save for a home. If you’re all square on the points above, go ahead and use this money to better your life in whatever way you see fit. Pay off a credit card or open a brokerage account. If you’ve been meaning to start saving up to buy a house or a car but never felt like the money was there, this could be the first step. As soon as this money hits your bank account, it’s yours to use in whatever way you want. Don’t stress too hard about making the “right” choice with how to spend money that’s rightfully yours.

This is always a good question, so I appreciate you asking it. Hope everything works out!

Legal Disclaimer: Information presented is for educational purposes only and is not an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies. Investments involve risk and, unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial adviser and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed herein. To submit a question to be answered in this column, please send it via email to Question@GoFarWithKovar.com or via USPS to Taylor Kovar, 415 S 1st St, Suite 300, Lufkin, TX 75901. To most folks, micromanagement has to do with tasks or performance. The micromanaging parent, for John example, is genRosemond erally thought of as one who hovers over a child’s homework or academics in general. Indeed, that is the most common form, but parental micromanagement can also extend to organizing and directing a child’s social life and recreation.

Whatever the context, micromanagement is driven by anxiety. The micromanaging parent is anxious that the child might do something that reflects badly on the parent, which means that parental micromanagement is a variation on the theme of codependency. It is almost always the case that the attempt to micromanage a child engenders relationship problems of one sort or another, including rebellion.

The least obvious form of parental micromanagement involves the attempt to perfect a child’s behavior. The parent in question is affected by a type of obsessivecompulsive disorder, symptoms of which include over-attending to misbehavior, persistent nagging, frequent lecturing, and the over-use of punitive consequences. There is no doubt concerning the parent’s love for his or her child, but it is demonstrated in the most paradoxical of ways. How, pray tell, is a child to understand that someone who is often angry at him genuinely loves him? immunity as evidence of disrespect and the need for more “discipline.” And around and around they go.

Micromanagers are their own worst enemies. By being on the constant lookout for a problem, they activate a self-fulfilling prophecy and problems are what they get. So, for example, the parent who is constantly on the lookout for disrespect gets precisely what she’s looking for. The smallest nuance of body language becomes confirmation that her child doesn’t respect her and needs more correction. Eventually, a child who was just being a child –kids wear their emotions on their sleeves – becomes truly disrespectful. By what magic does a person come to respect a person who is constantly on their back about something or other?

A functional relationship between a superior and a subordinate requires more of the former than the latter. For one thing, it requires that the superior overlook what is nothing but “background noise” –quirks of personality, for instance. Not sweating every little peccadillo is an important part of what being authentically superior is all about.

I hate to bust a bubble or two out there in Reader Land, but parents do not deserve respect. If you want your child to “invest” in your authority, you must act like you know what you are doing. Micromanagers think they know what they’re doing, but thinking is as far as it goes because what they’re doing is counterproductive, always.

It goes without saying, parents who micromanages misbehavior are overly vigilant. They can’t bring themselves to let even the smallest infraction – the child makes a sour face at some instruction, for example – go by the boards. Every little thing is a big deal, worthy of agitation, a lecture, and even punishment. Their kids eventually become immune to lecturing and being punished, which is a rather understandable defense mechanism. Unfortunately, the parent interprets the child’s And their children know that.

Family psychologist John Rosemond: johnrosemond.com, parent guru.com.

John Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society.