Boundaries are Gifts, Not Barriers

How are you feeling, beloved? If you are feeling nervous about having to assert yourself if you never have, or learning to speak up when something goes against your values, or having to learn to communicate directly - I get it. And I see you. This was not second nature for me initially for me, either. I grew up in a household and family where children were expected to be seen, not heard and silence was the solution to all the problems. I had to unlearn that programming not just to make it where I wanted to go in life, but because the silence eventually turned on ME. My dance with learning to put in boundaries for myself has been a spiral dance and sometimes it was one step forward and two steps back. Every DAY, I have to uphold my rules of engagement and it's not always comfortable or easy. I have to check myself every day on moments when it feels easier to give in to someone's small request of my time when I've made plans for myself, or allow a disruption when I've made it clear verbally or nonverbally that I was in work mode. I have learned over time that if I choose to ignore my intuition or go against my commitments to myself and my rules of engagement, it always costs me. ALWAYS.

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Instead of letting that illusion of F.E.A.R. creep back in, what I would like to suggest is a bit of a reframe around boundaries. Boundaries are gifts, NOT barriers. Boundaries are one of the deepest acts of self-love, selfcare, self-worth and self-concept we could display to communicate to ourselves (i.e. inner child, Higher Self) that we can be trusted and that we do matter. All throughout childhood and school, our boundaries are crossed in ways that we do not even consciously recognize. The list is way too long for me to go into here, but as an adult (or whatever age you are as you read this!) you owe it to yourself to protect the treasure that is you. You are sacred and you are here on purpose, remember? Your body is a temple. Your mind is brilliant. Your Spirit is divine. What reason can you think of to NOT make sure people who access you physically, spiritually, emotionally or mentally have your permission to do so? Boundaries, in my perspective, are inherently connected to consent. Consent is absolutely something we should be all learning about from as young as we can speak and alot of parents these days are finding ways to bring that into conscious parenting. Yet, we still have so much further to go as a collective so that those vulnerable to experiencing violent acts of boundary crossing feel empowered and able to speak up before things go too far...or at least to notice the red flags and to call in support when someone repeatedly crosses a boundary. So with all of this said, if you felt hung up about making your rules of engagement or enforcing your boundaries, let me give you permission to let that shit GO. You deserve the best and you should expect it in return.