AUGUST 2022 | 15
COLUMN
Why a quarter-life crisis isn’t all bad In my just-post uni early 20s, I saw many friends, and myself included, struggle to enter the ‘real world.’ We were a fresh-faced 22 and yet, for some reason, we were all in the midst of something akin to a mid-life crisis. In many ways, we showed signs of depression, anxiety, and even touches of mania, but never enough of anything to merit a diagnosis. Instead, we deemed it angst, and wore it as a badge of honour. Our doubt only showing in that fragility behind our eyes, which looked eerily similar to a child who has lost their mother at the supermarket. In pop psychology a uarter li e crisis is defined as a period of anxiety over the direction and potential of one’s life. Insecurity, doubts and disappointments begin to seep into our concept of ourselves, and we localise that pain in an array of areas, ranging from our career to our relationships or financial situation. The ter is (unsurprisingly) adapted from the infamous notion of a mid-life crisis. But (surprisingly), that term was coined by a psychoanalyst called Elliott Jaques in 1957. Jaques claimed that it is common for people in their early 40s to experience a ‘depressive episode’ that can last years. Symptoms tended to include religious awakenings, promiscuity, a sudden inability to enjoy life, hypochondriac concern over one’s health, and compulsive attempts to remain young, which usually take the form of impulsivity (e.g. suddenly quitting one’s job) or excessive substance abuse. Jaques argued that, at its core, a mid-life crisis is a reaction to the discomfort provoked by the knowledge that one’s life is halfway over. But, within that, comes the realisation that death isn’t something that just happens to other people; they are but mere mortals too. However, if we take psychoanalysis as our point of departure I thin we can find so ething deeper at work. While one’s life may feel halfway over at 40, it is only beginning at 20. Why would we then
struggle with such similar existential angst? In my eyes, there is one core similarity: the societal expectations placed on us begin to change. For example, in our early 20s, we are expected to find a ob and beco e adults. The world stops perceiving us in terms of our future potential and instead focuses on what we can offer in the here and now. At 40, we experience a similar – but intensified version o that. In that instance it becomes even less about the present, and more about what one has achieved in the past. In both cases we need to adapt our ego (aka our concept of ourselves) to certain limitations. However, neither is the first ti e we have had to undergo such a transition. pecifically in n Narcissis ( ) reud argued that people are born without a sense of themselves as individuals (an ego). We have no idea where our mother starts or we end, and we experience it all as undivided wholeness. As we move away from that state of being, we will retroactively invest it with eelings li e ulfil ent joy, and all things one thinks of when they think about ‘ego-less’ living. Instead, the ego develops during infancy as the outside world (aka parental control and expectations) intrude on this ‘primary narcissism’, as he put it. As we learn more and more about the nature of our social environment, that wholeness is fragmented and chipped away. In other words, we adapt to certain limitations of being. But instead of losing any sense of wholeness, we merge it with those limitations to construct an ‘ideal ego’. This is an image of a perfect self towards which the ego can aspire. In other words, we set our sights on a version of who we want to become, believing that if we reach it, we will again feel whole and complete. Thus, in my eyes, a quarter- or mid-life crisis occurs when we need to undergo another period of building our ideal ego. New limitations are
seemingly imposed and from that we must once again visit this original transition. If we struggle with the process, it could perhaps reveal to us how we struggled during those beginning years, when the foundations of who we are was forming. For example, what I saw many of my friends do (but mostly myself) is try to double-down on an adolescent ideal ego. It was as though we felt as though we had finally achieved that per ect sel . The idea that we would need to let go of it (e.g the notion that my job would suddenly mean more than what parties I went to) was terrifying. I had to, once again, accept the loss of wholeness. So, I suppose, all of this to say, if you are struggling with a period of transition – be it in your 20s, 30s, 40s or 80s – lean into the idea that the fear of change you are feeling could be rooted in that original loss. Try to retain a curious position towards your experience and remember: if you anaged to get through that first one you can survive this change too.
Written by Molly Fitz
Modern Dutch Heroes: Peter R. de Vries On a warm summer evening in July of last year, one of the Netherlands’ most respected and beloved journalists was leaving the television station on the Leidseplein in Amsterdam. Having just featured on the entertainment and news program “RTL Boulevard”, where he was a frequent guest, Peter R. de Vries never made it to his car and never made it home. He was brutally gunned down by a young assailant and taken to the hospital in critical condition. For the next several days, a stunned nation waited for an update on the investigative journalist’s condition. or nine days the nation waited until finally on 15 July 2021, Peter R. de Vries succumbed to his injuries. For most foreigners to the Netherlands, Peter R. de ries was not a well nown figure. But a ter his attack, if you caught a glimpse of any news or talk show, you undoubtedly saw reports on his life: how he started in investigative journalism, his passion for reporting on crime rings in the Netherlands and of course the case that made him known in the US: his coverage of the disappearance of Natalee Holloway in Aruba in 2005. Now, people who remembered that case thought to themselves: “Oh yeah, I remember him.” On a Dutch talk show in 2006, De Vries held and interview with Joran van der Sloot, the main suspect in the American teenager’s disappearance, and his parents. De Vries made several remarks questioning Van de Sloot’s credibility and ultimately accused him of
THT6_2022 _CS.indd 15
complicity in her disappearance. This remark led to Mr. Van der Sloot throwing a glass of red wine in De Vries’ face. A couple of years later, Mr. De Vries garnered the global spotlight when he claimed to have solved Natalee Holloway’s disappearance using hidden-camera video confession from Joran van der Sloot explaining the death of Ms. Holloway and his part in the disposing of her body at sea. (Mr. Van der Sloot said later he was lying in the video and the Aruba police determined there was not enough evidence to justify a re-arrest of Van der Sloot.) This video was broadcast worldwide, including major US news outlets including Fox News, ABC News and Good Morning America. This same year, 2008, Peter R. de Vries won the prestigious International Emmy Award for Current Affairs for his continued reporting on the Holloway case. Before the Natalee Holloway case catapulted him into investigative journalism super-stardom, Peter R. de Vries covered dozens of national crime cases that have beco e defining o ents in recent Dutch history. He started his career as a general reporter for De Telegraaf newspaper, and quickly shifted to crime reporting to expose the organized crime rings in the country. Some of his earlier cases included covering the kidnapping of Dutch beer tycoon Freddy Heineken (aboutwhich he wrote two books); the 1994 murder of Dutch ight attendant Christel brosius and the murder of 11-year-old Nicky Verstappen, whose murderer was only recently convicted due to De Vries’ continued efforts. More recently, he was covering the trial of leading members of the
ocro afia a Dutch oroccan cri e ring. The suspects in his murder are connected to this crime ring as well. As editor-in-chief, De Vries also helped transform the male-targeted magazine Aktueel into more of a crime magazine in the mid-80s and even hosted his own crime reporting show, ‘Peter R. de Vries – Crime Reporter’, from 1995 to 2012. After a brief stint with politics, De Vries returned to crime reporting and over the decades became a symbol of honest journalism in the pursuit of justice and the truth. The nation came to know him for his integrity, his compassion for victims, his love for fairness and the belief in the justice system in the Netherlands. The Netherlands celebrated him for helping bring corruption in many sectors to light, bring criminals to face the law, and for grieving alongside family members and loved ones of victims of crime. For those from the US, he’s the Dutch version of John Walsh (of ‘America’s Most Wanted’ fame) with the persistence and integrity of Woodward and Bernstein. For his lifelong pursuit against crime, his support for victims’ families and friends, for the indelible legacy he has left on Dutch and international journalism with his integrity, honesty and character, on this anniversary of his untimely passing, we can all hail Peter R. de Vries as truly a modern Dutch hero. Written by Marla Thomson
11-07-2022 11:12
