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In my just-post uni early 20s, I saw many friends, and myself included, struggle to enter the ‘real world.’ We were a fresh-faced 22 and yet, for some reason, we were all in the midst of something akin to a mid-life crisis. In many ways, we showed signs of depression, anxiety, and even touches of mania, but never enough of anything to merit a diagnosis. Instead, we deemed it angst, and wore it as a badge of honour. Our doubt only showing in that fragility behind our eyes, which looked eerily similar to a child who has lost their mother at the supermarket.

In pop psychology a uarter li e crisis is defined as a period of anxiety over the direction and potential of one’s life. Insecurity, doubts and disappointments begin to seep into our concept of ourselves, and we localise that pain in an array of areas, ranging from our career to our relationships or financial situation. The ter is (unsurprisingly) adapted from the infamous notion of a mid-life crisis. But (surprisingly), that term was coined by a psychoanalyst called Elliott Jaques in 1957.

Jaques claimed that it is common for people in their early 40s to experience a ‘depressive episode’ that can last years. Symptoms tended to include religious awakenings, promiscuity, a sudden inability to enjoy life, hypochondriac concern over one’s health, and compulsive attempts to remain young, which usually take the form of impulsivity (e.g. suddenly quitting one’s job) or excessive substance abuse. Jaques argued that, at its core, a mid-life crisis is a reaction to the discomfort provoked by the knowledge that one’s life is halfway over. But, within that, comes the realisation that death isn’t something that just happens to other people; they are but mere mortals too.

However, if we take psychoanalysis as our point of departure I thin we can find so ething deeper at work. While one’s life may feel halfway over at 40, it is only beginning at 20. Why would we then struggle with such similar existential angst? In my eyes, there is one core similarity: the societal expectations placed on us begin to change.

For example, in our early 20s, we are expected to find a ob and beco e adults. The world stops perceiving us in terms of our future potential and instead focuses on what we can offer in the here and now. At 40, we experience a similar – but intensified version o that. In that instance it becomes even less about the present, and more about what one has achieved in the past. In both cases we need to adapt our ego (aka our concept of ourselves) to certain limitations. However, neither is the first ti e we have had to undergo such a transition.

pecifically in n Narcissis ( ) reud argued that people are born without a sense of themselves as individuals (an ego). We have no idea where our mother starts or we end, and we experience it all as undivided wholeness. As we move away from that state of being, we will retroactively invest it with eelings li e ulfil ent joy, and all things one thinks of when they think about ‘ego-less’ living.

Instead, the ego develops during infancy as the outside world (aka parental control and expectations) intrude on this ‘primary narcissism’, as he put it. As we learn more and more about the nature of our social environment, that wholeness is fragmented and chipped away. In other words, we adapt to certain limitations of being. But instead of losing any sense of wholeness, we merge it with those limitations to construct an ‘ideal ego’. This is an image of a perfect self towards which the ego can aspire. In other words, we set our sights on a version of who we want to become, believing that if we reach it, we will again feel whole and complete.

Thus, in my eyes, a quarter- or mid-life crisis occurs when we need to undergo another period of building our ideal ego. New limitations are seemingly imposed and from that we must once again visit this original transition. If we struggle with the process, it could perhaps reveal to us how we struggled during those beginning years, when the foundations of who we are was forming. For example, what I saw many of my friends do (but mostly myself) is try to double-down on an adolescent ideal ego. It was as though we felt as though we had finally achieved that per ect sel . The idea that we would need to let go of it (e.g the notion that my job would suddenly mean more than what parties I went to) was terrifying. I had to, once again, accept the loss of wholeness.

So, I suppose, all of this to say, if you are struggling with a period of transition – be it in your 20s, 30s, 40s or 80s – lean into the idea that the fear of change you are feeling could be rooted in that original loss. Try to retain a curious position towards your experience and remember: if you anaged to get through that first one you can survive this change too.

Written by Molly Fitz

On a warm summer evening in July of last year, one of the Netherlands’ most respected and beloved journalists was leaving the television station on the Leidseplein in Amsterdam. Having just featured on the entertainment and news program “RTL Boulevard”, where he was a frequent guest, Peter R. de Vries never made it to his car and never made it home. He was brutally gunned down by a young assailant and taken to the hospital in critical condition. For the next several days, a stunned nation waited for an update on the investigative journalist’s condition. or nine days the nation waited until finally on 15 July 2021, Peter R. de Vries succumbed to his injuries.

For most foreigners to the Netherlands, Peter R. de ries was not a well nown figure. But a ter his attack, if you caught a glimpse of any news or talk show, you undoubtedly saw reports on his life: how he started in investigative journalism, his passion for reporting on crime rings in the Netherlands and of course the case that made him known in the US: his coverage of the disappearance of Natalee Holloway in Aruba in 2005. Now, people who remembered that case thought to themselves: “Oh yeah, I remember him.” complicity in her disappearance. This remark led to Mr. Van der Sloot throwing a glass of red wine in De Vries’ face. A couple of years later, Mr. De Vries garnered the global spotlight when he claimed to have solved Natalee Holloway’s disappearance using hidden-camera video confession from Joran van der Sloot explaining the death of Ms. Holloway and his part in the disposing of her body at sea. (Mr. Van der Sloot said later he was lying in the video and the Aruba police determined there was not enough evidence to justify a re-arrest of Van der Sloot.) This video was broadcast worldwide, including major US news outlets including Fox News, ABC News and Good Morning America. This same year, 2008, Peter R. de Vries won the prestigious International Emmy Award for Current Affairs for his continued reporting on the Holloway case.

Before the Natalee Holloway case catapulted him into investigative journalism super-stardom, Peter R. de Vries covered dozens of national crime cases that have beco e defining o ents in recent Dutch history. He started his career as a general reporter for De Telegraaf newspaper, and quickly shifted to crime reporting to expose the organized crime rings in the country. Some of his earlier cases included covering the kidnapping of Dutch beer tycoon Freddy Heineken (aboutwhich he wrote two books); the 1994 murder of Dutch ight attendant Christel brosius and the murder of 11-year-old Nicky Verstappen, whose murderer was only recently convicted due to De Vries’ continued efforts. More recently, he was covering the trial of leading members of the ocro afia a Dutch oroccan cri e ring. The suspects in his murder are connected to this crime ring as well.

As editor-in-chief, De Vries also helped transform the male-targeted magazine Aktueel into more of a crime magazine in the mid-80s and even hosted his own crime reporting show, ‘Peter R. de Vries – Crime Reporter’, from 1995 to 2012. After a brief stint with politics, De Vries returned to crime reporting and over the decades became a symbol of honest journalism in the pursuit of justice and the truth. The nation came to know him for his integrity, his compassion for victims, his love for fairness and the belief in the justice system in the Netherlands.

The Netherlands celebrated him for helping bring corruption in many sectors to light, bring criminals to face the law, and for grieving alongside family members and loved ones of victims of crime. For those from the US, he’s the Dutch version of John Walsh (of ‘America’s Most Wanted’ fame) with the persistence and integrity of Woodward and Bernstein.

For his lifelong pursuit against crime, his support for victims’ families and friends, for the indelible legacy he has left on Dutch and international journalism with his integrity, honesty and character, on this anniversary of his untimely passing, we can all hail Peter R. de Vries as truly a modern Dutch hero.

“Goodbye…” It’s such a powerful and emotive word, isn’t it? And, as we will see, it’s more than just a word to signify a parting; it’s a way to complete a cycle. By saying healthy goodbyes, we bring a sense of closure and prepare ourselves for the new chapter in our lives. Here’s how we can do this, and why it’s so important…

Whether we’re the one leaving or the one who stays behind, we will always feel the sadness of a parting. Change, however, is the only constant and we will have many opportunities to say goodbye in our lives. Saying goodbye is therefore a skill to practise and an emotional process to go through.

This is especially true for expats, who have to say goodbye more than most! A common reaction to an upcoming goodbye is to become detached. Many of us will keep our distance from loved ones, whether friends, colleagues or family, before a relocation or other major change. We may shut off and try to avoid the goodbyes entirely.

A few years ago, a very good friend of mine, who I’d spent time with almost daily, did this as he was due to leave the Netherlands. He gave me a quick hug, and left. This wasn’t the goodbye I wanted and it left an uneasy sadness (perhaps for him too).

If we avoid goodbyes, the cycles of emotions and loss accumulate. Though we may avoid proper closure – and/or not know how to handle it – going through the sadness of an ending is normal and healthy. “Goodbye” represents that closure and helps with a smoother transition. Closing the cycle gives you a strong foundation as you begin again.

Healthy goodbyes are valuable in every meaningful relationship we have. or exa ple you ay now your relationship is ending but find yoursel struggling to let go. This is tough we now but it’s better to find the strength to say goodbye sooner rather than later, and to bring in that end. Why? Because your time is precious; it is a non-renewable resource. And you can only start over when it’s over. A healthy goodbye also helps you to savour the good parts of your experience; the treasures from your previous chapter (treasures that can never be taken from you). This can give you strength; it gives you love. It can give you the power to continue when the transition is di ficult.

It can be helpful to follow the steps of the RAFT process:

1. Reconciliation – a space to forgive and be forgiven. Confront the issues of the past and deal with unfinished business . . fir ation so eti es re erred to as expressing appreciation or thanks. It also gives an opportunity to hear what others appreciate in us. 3. Farewell – rituals to say goodbye. This provides scope for creativity, cultural empathy and celebration. . Thin Destination thin ing specifically and realistically about our destination is an integral part of good goodbyes.

We’ve discussed the pain – and importance – of goodbyes, but it also helps to look forward and to remember that goodbyes are not just about separation – they are an opportunity for deeper connection.

Ask yourself: • What else do I need for a healthy start? • What is important to me? • What matters the most to enable as peaceful a transition as possible?

These transitional phases are di ficult so eti es but they can also be very exciting. There is the pain for something precious that is gone; there is the beauty of what’s to come. But isn’t life a little bitter-sweet?

By Vivian Chiona, Psychologist, Founder and CEO of Expat Nest, www.expatnest.com

On Sunday, June 19, 2022 the Embassy of India in the Hague celebrated the 8th International Day of Yoga (IDY) with the theme ‘Yoga for Humanity’ in the Atrium City Hall, The Hague. The event saw participation of more than 500 yoga enthusiasts and practitioners from across the Netherlands.

The Ambassador of India to the Kingdom of Netherlands H.E. Mrs. Reenat Sandhu opened the celebrations with the lighting of the lamp along with senior o ficials o the overn ent o the Netherlands who also participated in the yoga session. In her address, Ambassador Sandhu welcomed all the participants and highlighted the health and spiritual benefits o yoga especially during the pandemic. She underscored the important role of yoga in bringing people together through compassion and kindness and fostering a sense of unity, because of which the theme of this year has been chosen as ‘Yoga for Humanity’. The ambassador also conveyed the message of Prime Minister Shri Narendra Modi to adopt Yoga as an integral part of our daily lives.

The Common Yoga Protocol was conducted by the yoga teacher and students of the Gandhi Cultural Centre of the Embassy. Several yoga schools, Indian community representatives, elderly people and children actively participated in performing the protocol. The protocol was followed by meditation exercises on live rendition of Indian bansuri by a Dutch artist.

The representatives from Dutch armed forces also took part in the event for the fourth consecutive year. Yoga is part of curriculum of the Dutch armed forces and is taught on a weekly basis at various barracks. Representatives from various Yoga schools in Netherlands were felicitated and encouraged to continue playing active role as Yoga Ambassadors of the Netherlands. The popularity o yoga has seen a significant rise in the Netherlands. There are more than 150 yoga schools in the Netherlands.

The event is one of the many events the Embassy organized to mark the ‘Azadi ka Amrit Mahotsav’ (Independence of India) and 75th anniversary of establishment of diplomatic relations between India and the Netherlands.

The event was also live streamed to over 100.000 followers on various social media platforms of the Embassy.

In run-up to the event, young students from top universities of the Netherlands such as TU Delft, Eindhoven and Wageningen held yoga day in their respective campuses. Yoga students of the Gandhi cultural centre also spread the message of #YogaForHumanity by performing at famous and historic sites across Netherlands such as the Dam Square in Amsterdam, the Peace Palace in the Hague, the Delft City Centre and the Zaanse Schans, the windmill village.

Written by Nanda Jagusiak-Monteiro