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Hempstead, NY Vol.77 | Issue 24

The Hofstra

Chronicle

Thursday May 3, 2012

Keeping the Hofstra Community informed since 1935

5th Annual Relay shows

Luminerias light up the intramural fields during the fifth annual Relay for Life.

for a cure with $100,000 donation to cancer research By Beckett Mufson special to the chronicle

“If you haven’t done it, do it. If you’ve done it, do it again,” said Hofstra sophomore Dwayne Lindsey, who ran for 12 consecutive hours at Hofstra’s Relay for Life fundraiser last Saturday. This is the second year in a row that Lindsey has run for the entire length of the Relay, motivated by his grandfather’s struggle with cancer. “I relay in my grandfather’s memory and to inspire as many other people as I can to the cause,” said Lindsey. Hofstra’s fifth annual Relay for life was held on the intramural fields and spanned a 12-hour period. Participants showed their solidarity for victims of cancer by staying awake from

7 p.m. to 7 a.m. and raising money for the American Cancer Society. Edward Mouradian, a Senior Director of Relay for Life in the New York and Metro area, initiated the opening ceremony, which consisted of speeches and performances from organizers, students, singers, and survivors. Among the speakers was a digital version of Erin Willett, a Hofstra alumnus who has gained fame through singing competition show, “The Voice.” She sent a video relaying her own struggle with her father’s fatal case of cancer, and showed her support for Hofstra’s Relay for Life and the cause it stands for. At the end of the introduction, all the participants communally

took part in the Survivor Lap. The lap was led by 80 people who have been personally attacked by cancer or were identified as caregivers. The rest of the 1300 students, staff, administrators, and employees followed behind in silence. The crowd dispersed until the next event, which was the Luminaria Ceremony. The Luminaria Ceremony is the lighting of makeshift paper lamps, commemorating those who have lost the fight and rallying those who are still fighting. Mourners gather around the Luminarias they have made for their loved ones, often breaking down and crying. As the Relayers were given time to mourn, a rendition of “Amazing Grace” played over the loudspeaker.

After the Luminaria Ceremony, Relay for Life changed gears and hosted activities including Tug-o-War and “Purple Pong.” It remained lighthearted and hopeful all the way through the closing ceremony. The first Hofstra Relay for Life was in 2007, and the organization has grown a lot since its inception. “Relay has more than doubled in size, more than tripled in how much we’ve raised, and the impact we’ve had has been tremendous,” says Zach Dane, the co-chair of the Hofstra Relay for Life. Under the leadership of Dane and his Co-Chair, Katie Friedman, the event on Saturday raised over $104,000, plus proceeds from vendors selling goods on-site.

Photo by Zach Mongillo

“When we started the event five years ago, there were about 300 people, 30 teams, we raised about $30,000 and we had so few Luminaria bags that we had to put them in a circle in the middle of the field. Five years later we’re the fourthlargest relay for life in all of New York and New Jersey,” said Mouradian. Before Mouradian’s work with Relay For Life, he did not realize how much could be accomplished. “I didn’t have a full understanding of what people could do if they came together for a common cause,” said Mouradian.


A2• May 3, 2012

News

The Chronicle The

Chronicle

The Office Shuffle

www.hofstrachronicle.com 203 Student Center (516) 463-6921 Editor-in-Chief Max Sass Managing Editor Jessica Lewis News Editor Andrea Ordonez Assistant News Editor Chelsea Royal Sports Editor Joe Pantorno Assistant Sports Editors Angelo Brussich Jake Nussbaum Entertainment Editor Aaron Calvin Editorial Editor Katie Webb Assistant Editorial Editor Samantha Abram @ Hofstra Editor Rachel Lutz

Assistant @ Hofstra Editor Sophie Strawser Photography Coordinator Michaela Papa Copy Editor Lauren Means Sinead McDonnell Business Manager Cody Heintz Designer Jenny Hart

Lisa Guarrieri, club relations chair of SGA, addresses clubs after their appeals.

By Samantha Neudorf special to the chronicle

SGA reached a decision Tuesday night concerning the relocation of 40 club offices after over two hours of debate and deliberation. The new plan takes into account both the original layout created by the Club Relations committee and the joint proposal from the Hofstra Chronicle and Nexus Yearbook. Both publications will be sharing a space in the Chronicle’s current office. Future SGA president Tevon Hyman is pleased with the

consensus. “We really made some

Committee chair, is satisfied with the decision as well.

“I think we’re going to do a good

job at making it work.”

change,” he said. “It’s a good change. And like other change, it’s not easy. It’s the first time this ever happened. It will benefit everybody, not just a few.” Current SGA president David Zuniga did not respond to contact. Ben Schaefer, SGA Rules

“It creates a better plan for the offices next year and gets us [SGA] to look back at the decisions we made,” said Schaefer. New club offices will be confirmed through email by Friday, Hyman said. The plan will be enforced in Fall 2012.

Cody Heintz/ The Chronicle

The new plan pleased clubs which were initially upset with the SGA’s plan for moving offices. Editor-in-chief of the Chronicle, Max Sass, is thrilled with the publication’s merge with Nexus next year. “Working with Nexus is going to be a great opportunity,” said Sass. “Sharing when you haven’t shared an office for 75 years is a change, and I think we’re going to do a good job at

Continued on A4

Video Editor Jimmy Sia

The Chronicle is published every Thursday during the academic year by the students of Hofstra University. The Chronicle is located in Room 203 Student Center, 200 Hofstra University, Hempstead, N.Y. 11549. Advertising and subscription rates may be obtained by calling (516) 463-6921. The Chronicle reserves the right to reject any submission, in accordance with our written policies. All advertising which may be considered fraudulent, misleading, libelous or offensive to the University community, The Chronicle or its advertisers may be refused. The products and opinions expressed within advertisements are not endorsed by The Chronicle or its staff. Each student is entitled to one free copy of The Chronicle. Additional copies are one dollar each and can be paid for in The Chronicle office.


The Chronicle Eye-on

May 3, 2012 • A3

Book sales for Baseball Brand New scholarship named in honor of late professor By Sinead McDonnell Copy Editor

For months, English majors have been getting emails about the book sale on the second floor of Mason Hall. The books are only $1 each and range from Melville to Freud, donated by teachers from the English department. Since it began at the beginning of the 2011 fall semester, the book sale has raised well over $1,300. The proceeds go directly to the Dana Brand Memorial Scholarship Fund. The scholarship is in memory of Professor Dana Brand, former chair of the English department and an extraordinary professor. When

Professor Brand passed away last May, Professor Fichtelberg, chair of the English department, with the help of Assistant Vice President of Development and Alumni Affairs Meredith Celentano, created the scholarship fund in honor of the late professor. They also held sales in the Student Center and were given donations by check and online. Professor Brand passed away unexpectedly on May 25, 2011. Brand had been the chair of the English department for eight years from 1993 to 2001. He also taught in the English department and the Honors College. Professor Brand wrote “The Spectator and the City in Nineteenth Century American Literature,” a book about the urban spectator that is still

in print 20 years after its first release. Professor Fichtelberg said that Professor Brand “filled

Professor Dana Brand

the room with his presence” whenever he gave a lecture. This past weekend the Hofstra Cultural Center hosted a conference on the 50th anniversary of the New York Mets. The conference was originally organized in 2010 by Professor Brand and Dr. Richard Puerzer, chair of the engineering department. Professor Brand’s love of the Mets began at the early age of seven. After writing about the Mets for the Sunday edition of Newsday, Brand discovered he had found a way to share his love of the team with others. He began a blog about the Mets and went on to publish two books, “Mets Fan” in 2007 and “The Last Day of Shea” in 2009. This year Paula Uruburu, vice dean of university studies, continued organizing the conference.

Professor Fichtelberg, chair of the English department, asked the organizers if funds could be raised for the scholarship. Provost Herman Berliner took it a step further and got all of the funds raised by the conference to be donated to the scholarship fund. While the book sale is over, people can still donate to the scholarship fund either by check or on the Hofstra website in the alumni section. The English department is focused on distributing the last of the books. Assistant Vice President Celentano, Academic Records and Professor Fichtelberg still have to decide how the scholarship will be awarded.

Photo from Sinead McDonnell

Citi Field, home of the New York Mets, Brand’s favorite team. Photo from Flickr.com Creative Commons


A4•May 3, 2012

News

The Chronicle

SGA rearranges offices to accomodate 40 clubs Continued From A2 making it work.” Jess Lewis, managing Editor of the Chronicle, agrees with the new partnership. “I was impressed with [SGA’s] decision,” she said. “Both [Chronicle and Nexus] share the same photography equipment, same computers, and a lot of photographers are at the same events. I think that this will encourage both [clubs] to work together.” Julia Chappell and Megan Markle will be co-editors-in-chief of Nexus Yearbook next year.

“We’re really happy with the way it turned out,” Chappell said. “Working with the Chronicle is going to be a beneficial relationship. We’ll be able to share the same media photos, which will be really helpful.” Markle also thinks the partnership will come with benefits. “It’ll make it more efficient. There will be more connections

and help on different projects. And more room,” said Markle. The Newman Club will receive an office next year

happy, not everyone will be. But you have to do it.” Guarrieri, as well as other club leaders, took away a lesson in handling large conflict by working together. “I told the clubs yesterday that I apologize for the confusion. No SGA is perfect,” she said. “I thank the clubs for their patience and cooperation. We’re all adults and we came to a professional conclusion,” said Guarrieri.

school year. “We’re grateful for the work and planning that SGA, the Chronicle and Nexus put into this,” she said. Club Relations chair Lisa Guarrieri promised to compromise with the club members in disagreement with her committee’s previous proposal. “I guess I learned that no one is perfect,” she said. “As much as you try to make everyone

“I guess I learned that no one is

perfect.”

and share it with the National Student Speech Hearing Language Association. Danielle Natorski, current Networking chair and future president, is happy to have an office for next

Public Safety Briefs now banned from campus. The officer suffered injuries on his back, head and shoulder. A student found his bike missing from Weller Hall the bike missing when he returned to it on April 27. Police assistance was declined.

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A Public Safety Officer assigned to the Relay for Life event on April 29 denied entry to three intoxicated males who attempted to enter. When told they could not enter, one of the males grabbed and shoved the officer, both falling to the ground. The male fled the scene with the two others. The Public Safety Officer radioed for assistance and Public Safety apprehended all three. Public Safety identified one male as a student, who received an appearance summons, and the other two as non-students, who are

A student reported that she secured her bike to a rack in front of Stuyvesant Hall, but discovered the bike missing and her lock cut when she returned. Police assistance was declined.

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The Chronicle

News

May 3, 2012 • A5

Knock, knock, who’s there? Maintenance clarifies policy on room entries checks,” added Paul Romano, Associate Director of the Physical Plant at Hofstra. The maintenance policy is to receive a work order, schedule a date and time with Residential Programs to figure out when the work will take place and to carry out the tasks. Scheduled visits to dorm rooms usually take place in the daytime, when students are not likely to be around. Maintenance workers are instructed to knock loudly and identify themselves. Students have the right to ask the worker to come back later if they enter at an inconvenient time if the situation is not an emergency. If not, maintenance workers let themselves into the

An example of the door tags maintenance leaves after doing work in rooms. Photo by Michaela Papa/ The Chronicleo

By Samantha Neudorf special to the chronicle

S

ophomore Jaclyn Cifuni heard a knock on her dorm room door one Saturday afternoon. Cifuni was lying in bed in Nassau/Suffolk and chatting with her roommate. They did not answer the door. Hofstra maintenance workers let themselves into Cifuni’s dorm room and said that they had to check something in the room, even though she did not recall any problems in her suite. Cifuni described the two-minute visit as “really awkward.” Sophomore Angelina Ciaschi faced a similar situation. Ciaschi was lying in bed at 9:00 a.m. on the Friday before President’s Day weekend and was startled by a knock on her bedroom door in Colonial Square. She was the only person present in the suite and did not answer the door. Three maintenance workers shortly let themselves into her room. They were sent

to fix a closet door. Ciaschi did not recall any problems with her closet door. Work orders are what generate maintenance work. They are forms that specify what kinds of issues need to be tended to across campus. But not all work orders are produced by students. Residential issues are filed through students or Residential Assistants and sent to the Office of Residential Programs. Residential Programs can also file work orders based on any complaints written on Room Condition Reports. Maintenance workers can let themselves into a dorm room as long as they knock and identify themselves. This is the policy, according to Joseph Barkwill, vice president of Facilities and Operations at Hofstra. “Our maintenance staff enter rooms under a work order or for emergencies,” assured Barkwill. “They don’t just go in for routine

room. Students may not be notified if a required maintenance job must be completed. Small emergency maintenance jobs include fixing leaks, floods, and condensation from air conditioners and heaters. Any larger tasks such as painting require scheduling a time with the student. If the student is not present in the room and work is performed, the maintenance worker leaves a door tag inside of the room. The worker is not to move or touch any personal belongings. They would return at a later time if moving any furniture or items were necessary. “It [the door tag] is similar to

hotels’,” explained Romano. “Personal belongings would not be moved.” However, if a student does not choose to answer the door, it creates “an awkward moment for everyone,” Barkwill stated, “It’s embarrassing for personnel to walk in on students when they do not answer.” “It’s a Catch-22 type of situation,” he continued, “There is a delicate line we have to maintain… if someone does not answer the door, we do not know. At least knocking and identifying is better. If there is a better way to coordinate with the student, we will.”

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@Hofstra

A6 May 3, 2012

The Chronicle

Hofstra’s presidents throughout the years

In the 76 years Hofstra has been around, there have been eight different people that have held the title of President. Each brought a different perspective and impact to Hofstra. Photos courtesy of the Hofstra University Archives. By Cody Heintz BUSINESS MANAGER

Stuart Rabinowitz:

James M. Shuart:

He is our current president, who has served since 2001. He originally joined the Hofstra community as a law professor in 1972. He became the dean of the School of Law in 1989. Currently, he holds the title of the Andrew M. Boas and Mark L. Claster Distinguished Professor of Law. He is a graduate of Columbia Law School as well as City College of New York. He helped rewrite the Nassau County charter in 1993, which created the County Legislature. He has also served on the county’s fiscal advisory board in both 1992 and 1999. During his tenure Hofstra has established the Honors College and the Medical School. During this time the process of opening a School of Engineering also began.

He served as Hofstra’s president from 1976 until his retirement in 2001. He is an alumnus of Hofstra University, where he earned a bachelor’s degree in 1953 and a master’s degree in 1962. He originally joined Hofstra’s administration in 1959 as an admissions officer and served in various positions until 1971. Then he was appointed Commissioner of Social Services for Nassau County and was later appointed Deputy County Executive for Nassau County. He served as a member of the Hofstra Board of Trustees from 1973 to 1975. He would rejoin the University’s administration in 1975 when he was named Vice President for Administrative Services. He was elected president in June of 1976 by a unanimous decision from the 24 members of the Board of Trustees. During his tenure, Hofstra made the transition from Division III to Division I in NCAA sports. After his retirement, Hofstra Stadium was renamed the James M. Shuart Stadium in his honor.

Man on the Unispan How much power should

“How much power do they have now?” - James Thomas, Senior

“Not so much that it becomes difficult for clubs to function.” - Nicole Spencer, Sophomore

the Student Government Association have?

“SGA should have enough power so that it can distribute money to the clubs.” - Robert Sheen, Junior

“The ultimate decision making power, but they should reach out to more students to gather ideas.” - Brittany Auger, Senior

“Enough that it can do something for the school.” - Brandon Davis, Sophomore


@Hofstra

The Chronicle

May 3, 2012 A7

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FRESHMEN DO’S AND DON’TS

By Sophie Strawser ASSISTANT FEATURES EDITOR

To think that our first year of college is ending in two weeks is absolutely insane. We have bonded throughout the year, from standing in line for California Pizza Kitchen at midnight, standing next to each other with red cups (I think you get the picture), to clogging up the Student Center while waiting in the “hangover omelet” line. We have dealt with finals before, but this time we’re not fighting for a month-long break; we are reaching three whole months with which to do whatever we please. Most people will

probably continue to eat “hangover omelets” but the studying, the classes and the living in buildings that are flooded and have mold issues will be done with. Late-night Dutch runs will be replaced by your mom’s cupboard. Student Center food will be swapped for Momma’s food – thank goodness. The masturbating guy the floor above you will be substituted by your little brother – although that’s not better. Your social gatherings will leave

Hempstead for neighborhoods that don’t leave you with a 99 percent chance of getting shot outside of a Popeye’s, biscuit still in hand.

Facebook and Pinterest. But I am seriously focused, not distracted by summer at all. That is 100 percent a lie. I could attempt to tell you to start studying for finals in the next couple of days, but the only thing that would do for us is provide a good laugh, and prove I’m a hypocrite. Hofstra might not like this, but I suggest spending one of your “study” days in the city. Do something exciting! Staring at an open Italian book for hours upon hours, reading through Oreo crumbs, will get

These next two weeks may be Hell itself, but with a little help from coffee and overpriced Dutch snacks we’ll make it. With only a few weeks of on-campus time left, there is a large chance we may be able to keep our sanity. Stay focused, I say, as I attempt to write this with three tabs open: Twitter,

you little to nowhere – break up the studying. Most of us will head back to places far from New York City, so utilize it well during these last few weeks. These next two weeks may be Hell itself, but with a little help from coffee and overpriced Dutch snacks we’ll make it. Try your best not to read the statuses of students from other schools, because Hofstra, being the kind university that it is, decided not only should we have our spring break in a different month than most, but we should also get out of school three weeks later. Almost done, Hofstra. See ya next year.

Prof ‘van B’: Photojournalist, artist and speed-track coach By Rachel Lutz FEATURES EDITOR

After spending the semester in Professor Dan van Benthuysen’s Journalism 41 class, photojournalism, we’ve learned a lot about his Photoshop and photography skills. We’ve developed our skills in those areas, but learned a lot about our professor, too. Through his subtle, but self-deprecating humor, we learned that he couldn’t spell his last name as a kindergartener, thus dubbing him “van B.” And because “he’s an expert in layout, design and artwork…a strong writer/ reporter/copy editor,” said Professor Papper, Chair of the Department of Journalism, Media Studies, and Public Relations, we here at The Chronicle value his expertise. His nearly 30-year career as a photographer turned photo editor for Newsday brings inspiration and direction to our weekly center spreads, as well as general layout throughout our pages. It was toward the end of the semester I realized Courtesy of DanvanB.com there’s a ton about all of Caption: Van Benthuysen said painting people wearing paper crowns (which are found in our professors that we, as “crackers,” toys kids in the United Kingdom play with at Christmastime) shows that they don’t take themselves too seriously. He believes there is already enough pompous portrai- students, don’t know. For ture in the world today. He did this self-portrait in 2007. example, Professor van B.

didn’t originate as a journalist, but rather as an art student (you can check out his work at danvanb.com). He continues painting to this day, but he says that his training in art helped shape his perspective and helped mold him into a successful photographer and judge of photos for news value. As far as journalism skills go, students have a lot to learn from van B. His experience at Newsday combined with his freelancing for the New York Times and Wall Street Journal are all invaluable. But on a personal level, he has some fascinating stories to tell. He recently spent a week in Spain and naturally photographed everything. We got to see a slideshow of the oldest restaurant in the world, Botin, where Hemingway was a permanent fixture in the upstairs seating area. He was a speed skater growing up in the Midwest, as well as a short track speed skating coach on Long Island. He said in the 1960s, it was the macho thing to do because the NHL hadn’t expanded throughout the United States. He coached a woman all the way to the World team, which is the Olympic team in a non-

Olympic year. She went on to compete in Beijing, Switzerland and Japan. The first time rollerblader turned speed skater tried out on the ice, “she put blades on where she had had wheels, and it was like watching one of those flowers bloom in time-lapse photography. Quite literally, every lap she took was better, and my jaw dropped.” So they worked together for about two years, and he realized that she had learned all she could from him without picking up all of his bad habits. She had about six months of additional training before making the world team. In 1997, he organized and co-directed the short-track national championship at West Pointe. Nine national records were shattered and there were zero injuries, which is an unusual correlation. Speed skating is the fastest you can go on a flat surface with the least amount of equipment. You can go about as fast as a thoroughbred racehorse if you’re really good. When he’s not at Hofstra, he spends his time painting, cycling in the warm weather (about forty miles in a weekend!), and traveling. He’d still love to visit Prague, Budapest or Vienna.


@Hofstra

A8 May 3, 2012

The Chronicle

Vegan Sandwich By Jenna Grasso STAFF WRITER

Whether students are eating on campus or not, they have the right to choose to be a vegetarian or a vegan. For many, these dietary options are not as big of a decision as trying to find ways to creatively execute this lifestyle. Going to the Student

Center to grab the most recent Chinese platter isn’t an option. Neither is a meaty wrap from the sandwich station. Snacks for vegans and vegetarians to munch on are important, but where are they hiding? When these students are up late pulling all-nighters, the options are limited. This snack is not only a

Vegan Sandwich

Ingredients:

- 2 slices of bread - 1 jar of peanut butter - 1 bottle of agave nectar

tasty way to get the peanut butter cravings out of the way, but also to fuel your body. It’s not just peanut butter and jelly – it’s way more delicious than that. This is a simple sandwich recipe, so all you will need is your preferred bread and your fillings: peanut butter and agave nectar. Agave nectar is a sweetener for you peanut butter, so it will be much Jenna Grasso/The Chronicle sweeter than This easy recipe serves as the perfect midnight snack for vegans and vegetarians. actual peanut butter. You can agave nectar on top of it. You different. typically find it in a Whole can add to this sandwich by Slice it in triangles like your Foods store. using slices of bananas, apples, mom used to do, in half like the For the filling, put peanut nuts, or other favorite healthy Student Center does, or cut the butter (1-2 teaspoons) on one snacks. Everyone likes their crusts off. Whatever you like of the slices of bread. Add peanut butter with something best!

Overheard @ Hofstra Compiled by The Chronicle Staff In the Student Center: Guy: I need you to help me do a bibliography. Please, I’m bad at them too. At Relay for Life: Guy: I’m about to lose my s--t. I’m a frat guy -- I’m not supposed to lose my s--t. In Bits & Bytes: Guy 1: You’re always so nice to people you don’t know. Guy 2: If they only knew what kind of sick, twisted f--k I really am. Outside the Student Center: Girl: I can’t stand bitches these days.

In The Chronicle Office: Girl: When in doubt, it’s probably best not to use the word ‘penis.’ Outside the Axinn Library: Guy: Blunt between three and four? Sure, I can pencil you in. In the Student Center: Guy: I know sometimes breathing can be difficult. Not everyone can do it. In the Student Center: Guy: She’s trying to back-door you, bro. Back-door her way into our formal. In the Student Center: Guy 1: We’re still going to the bar tonight, right? Guy 2: Why wouldn’t we be?

In the Student Center: Girl: I still have that guy’s number who threatened at the bar, “No blondies!” In the Student Center: Girl: So I told him, if he doesn’t eat me, I’m leaving. In the Student Center: Guy: Her nose was so far in the air that she hasn’t seen her tits in years. In The Chronicle Office: Guy: I haven’t seen my upper lip in nearly 40 years.

Over hear something funny? Send it to us!

Chronicle. Features@Gmail.com


The Chronicle

@Hofstra

May 3, 2012 A9

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a&e vol77 issue 24 may 3 2012

Double Dance

Dance Dept. & Dance Works -B2-3

Michaela Papa/ The Chronicle


B 2• May 3, 2012

A&E

The Chronicle

Michaela Papa/ The Chronicle

The Danceworks Spring Concert featured numerous dance styles and effects. The show was performed on April 30 and May 1.

Dance�Works�Presents Katie webb

editoRiAL editoR

t

he danceworks spring Concert on April 30 and May 1 started off with a surge of power. Black silhouettes appeared dramatically cast against a red-lit background. eminem’s “till i Collapse” began to play a quiet piano tune that merged into a rap with the sound of saluting soldiers. the dancers, dressed in leather jackets and studded hats, stomped out in their combat boots with intense energy. their arms moved in slickly isolated formations like the Ancient egyptian hieroglyphic paintings. they crashed their bodies to the floor on the lyrics “and they stay down” from dJ Khaled’s song “All i do is win.” the dance ended with the performers in army-like formation, grouped solidly together with their hands reaching to the sky and fingers pointed. the crowd erupted into elated cheers after each song, and began them all with cat calls, whistling, and personal cheers for individual dancers. the audience seemed to feed off the fire in the dancers every movement. At times the crowd, a full house at Adams Playhouse, was so uproarious the stage music was overwhelmed. the emotional tone of the show ranged from high-energy hip-hop to heart wrenchingly sorrowful ballet pieces. the choreography by alumna Amanda Gordon, not to mention the hauntingly beautiful dancing in the piece called “twisted tutus” stood out among all the inspired performances. Figures in delicate yellow tutus trickled out onto the stage with their every muscle bound with tension. Beethoven’s “Moonlight sonata” began to unfold the

grave scene. he dancers’ shoulders hung heavily as their arms reached tragically out for something untouchable in the distance. the music drifted into a bittersweet Gary Go version of the song “Just dance.” As the tempo rose so did the emotional turmoil flooding through the dancers’ movements. spinning delicate pirouettes, as well as the tail of a tortured soul only looking for a release through dance, the piece was a story words cannot do justice to. the dancers formed a human cage holding back one dancer from escaping their gripn other moments that won an outbreak of applause and near-riotous acts in the audience were numerous. the seductive, sensuous, spanish-inspired “All day, All night” performance choreographed by junior stephanie Caputo set the playhouse on fire making it feel like a nightclub. The transformation of the dancers, who started as one circle of bodies woven together and blossoming out into individuals across the stage in Julie seal’s “How it ends” was like watching a kaleidoscope breaking off and crashing back together into intricate, enamoring images. the dancers pulled and pushed at each other with structure to their isolated movements, surrendering their limbs and wills to the woeful deVotchKa song. the show ensnared the senses and brought third row center to their feet. Before the curtain fell, the seniors had their final performance and their last bow to the song “we Are Young” by Fun. though there were many dancers with tear-stained faces at the end, they were also sure to keep dancing ecstatically until the show was done.


The Chronicle A&E

May 3, 2012 •B 3

Spring Dance Recital By Chelsea Royal Assistant News Editor

T

he Spring Dance show, choreographed by Hofstra faculty, had its opening night on Thursday. There were a total of four shows throughout the weekend, ending Sunday. Although the opening night did not bring in much of a crowd at the John Adams Playhouse, the performance was definitely worth seeing. As someone who does not know much about dance, especially contemporary, I really enjoyed and actually understood the show. There was variety in each dance; each piece was very different from the one before and gave the audience a completely different feel. For the most part, I enjoyed the selection of music. It was not just random sounds put together, but something that to me, made sense for the dances. The performance was not simply dancers on stage with background music. The show included special effects through the use of lighting and sound effects, props and costumes. The Spring Dance Show was creative in the use of special effects. One piece used strobe lights to change the movements of the dancers. In another piece, the spotlight moved on and off the dancer on the stage, so the audience was only let into the dance when the spot light was on the performer. In a tap dance piece, the dancers actually made their own sounds effects. The dancers moved and worked very well together. This number also had its own special effects besides. The music came from the dancers on stage, but also from a drum set placed next to the dancers. It gave the performance a completely different feel. The performers were consistent in their facial expressions, which never contradicted the sound of the music. When there was a smile on their face, it remained throughout the entire dance. In two of the dances, it seemed like the movements were very precise, but it was hard to connect. The music was a little strange to me, and I got the feeling of being in some kind of institution. The movements were a little too exaggerated. The noises being done live was a great effect, but more difficult to relate to and

a bit strange. However, I prefer when the dancers perform to actual music rather than sounds; I can connect better when there are words. In this performance, the music was solely instrumental. In another piece, the dancers held their positions for a long time. Although this was a much slower dance, the dancers still kept the attention of the audience. However, I prefer the faster paced dances because it seems like more of a challenge to keep this speed and synchronization. I was extremely impressed with the final piece. This dance was actually composed by a guest choreographer, who brought something new and unique to Hofstra. I think her addition to the show was really beneficial to the success of the performance. The use of the flowing white silk really put the dance over the top. Although the costumes in every number correlated with the inspiration, music and dance in general, the silk costumes in the final piece really stuck out. The dancers were each dressed all in white for the final piece, but these were not just any white outfits. The use of flowing white silk created special effects on the stage and changed the way they looked.

“I was extremely impressed by the final piece.�

Mike Cutrone/ The Chronicle

The Dance Departments Spring Showcase was choreagraphed by the faculty and performed by the students.


A&E

B 4• May 3, 2012

TV That

Review Round-up

Matters

By Matt Ern

Breaking Bad

B

By Andrew Mcnally

CoLUMnist

Summer Preview

COLUMNIST

reaking Bad has proven itself to be the best show on tV for a variety of reasons, and as the show moves into its endgame this season you can be sure showrunner Vince Gilligan will be stepping up the intensity. this season (season five) will reportedly be the show’s last, although Bryan Cranston has hinted that the episodes will be split into two eight-episode seasons spread out over the next two years. For the uninitiated, Breaking Bad does the remarkable job of transforming a milquetoast high school chemistry teacher who gets diagnosed with lung cancer into a murderous drug dealer who will go to any lengths to get his way and save his skin. walter white, who should all by rights should be the most sympathetic character on television, has almost completed his transformation and has certainly “broken bad.” Factor in a handful of emmys for leading man Cranston and one for his supporting player Aaron Paul and you should have every reason to be catching up on Breaking Bad for its final season this July.

The Newsroom

t

he newsroom is Aaron sorkin’s (writer of the social network, the West Wing) new show premiering on HBo on June 24. sorkin’s name attached to the project should be more than enough reason to give the show a chance given his past success with political dramas. the show will revolve around a tV news anchor, played by Jeff daniels, who is famous for being universally liked and never revealing his political party. But while doing a Q&A at a college, he finally snaps and reveals just what he thinks about the state of America and our political system. He and the rest of his staff have to deal with the fall out and handle the chaos of running a nightly news program.

Workaholics

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omedy Central’s best slacker comedy returns for a third season at the end of May and will certainly contain even more drug-fueled antics. the show follows the exploits of three friends, roommates and coworkers. workaholics is far better than i originally gave it credit for, so if you’re on the fence or have just never seen or heard of it, now

The Chronicle

would be a great time to jump in. it’s not the kind of show that really requires you to catch up on before starting the new season, but the first season is on Netflix and contains an episode where the gang camps out in their office overnight while on ‘shrooms and fear burglars in the building are coming to kill them, so you should probably just watch it.

Hip-Hop Squares

i

can’t promise you that MtV2’s Hollywood squares reboot will be good, or that a sane human being came up with the idea, but i can promise you that it will be interesting. interesting the way a seven-car pile-up on the side of the highway is interesting. the show starts at the end of May and will be a re-imagining of the classic Hollywood squares format but with a panel made up of all hip-hop stars and Bam Margera (i’ll get to this in a minute). Big names like Ghostface Killah, Biz Markie and (Hofstra favorite) Fat Joe are all reportedly attached to the project. Anyway, i have no idea why Bam Margera is on this show other than to remind us that he’s still alive. Ghostface and Fat Joe have performed at Hofstra in the past few years and Bam recently did an appearance at a Hofstrabar.Coincidence -- or conspiracy? You decide.

Go to www.hofstrachronicle.com for Music Fest coverage

Summer Preview

Beach House - Bloom Release Date: May 15 dream-pop duo Beach House haven’t exactly changed their sound much, but from early speculation and brief internet leaks, “Bloom” is going to live up to the hype around them. Beach House incorporates relentlessly atmospheric elements into their music, resulting in a simultaneous drug trip and lullaby. the leadoff single and leadoff track “Myth” are engrossingly dreamy, like the soundtrack to a space walk in a movie. it’ll all be very pretty and entrancing, and it’ll all get stuck in your head. don’t expect to hear this on the radio – you’ll have to go looking for it.

If You Like: Cat Power, Mazzy Star The Future of the Left - The Plot Against Common... Release Date: June 12th (tentative) the Future of the Left formed out of the remnants of Mclusky and Jarcrew, and jumped out with an aggressively noisy punk sound, and without the cliché attitude that goes along with it. their music is anywhere to painful to political, though often complex and rough. they’re not a cut-and-paste punk band like the Ramones, but rather experimental in hitting new and different levels in distortion and feedback. their passion can only truly be grasped live, but it works well on an album. Look for “the Plot Against Common sense” to be the album where they finally hit their stride.

If You Like: Mclusky, Titus Andronicus

Glen Hansard - Rhythm and Repose Release Date: June 19th Hansard, best known for writing and performing the music for “once,” as well starring in the film, is fresh off the news that the play adaptation of the film was nominated for 11 Tonys. “Rhythm and Repose” marks his first solo album, one likely to be stuffed with beautiful folk melodies and rhythmic acoustic songs. His previous work has been praised for its engrossingly melodic rhythms and deeply poetic lyricism. Hansard will have his work cut out for him for “Rhythm and Repose” to match the quality of the “once” soundtrack, but if you’re looking for something beautiful, get a good feeling for this one.

If You Like: Bon Iver, Iron & Wine


B-section nonicle

The

Hofstra

The

PAID INSERT

Hofstra

Chronicle Vol.75 Issue 12 Vol. ?? issue <3

November 19, 2009

KEEPING HOFSTRA UNIVERSITY Entertained SINCE 1935

May 3rd, 2012

Most People Don’t bother to Read Text this small

Breaking News: SGA president discovered to be mythic Lovecraftian horrorbeast

By Bryan Menegus

Still waiting for that Thin Lizzie reunion

A recent intra-University survey has determined, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that SGA President David Zuniga is actually Cthulhu, the tentacled, multi-dimensional chimera popularized by the works of H. P. Lovecraft. When asked to confirm this, University President Stuart Rabinowitz said, “Oh sweet Christ almighty what is that hideous sound?! My hands are snakes! My hands are snaaaaa—oh, hi Dave.” Suspicions began earlier this academic year, when a new Student Government mandate required all club leaders to fill out official forms using their own blood. Most clubs were nonplussed but accepting. Said Pride Network President Christian Fuscarino, “When the Red Cross comes here every semester, gay men still aren’t allowed to donate. Using blood for administrative functions seemed very progressive at first… until we found out it was for something called ‘The Third Hymn of the Harvesting of Souls’, which, it turns out, has nothing at all to do with social equality.” In order to imprison the minds of extracurricularly-

inclined students in evershifting cage of nonEuclidian geometry and perpetual darkness, SGA have also stepped-up security from Public Safety to keep clubs out of their offices during the Student Government’s nightly “ceremonies”. This tandem effort has, while restricting clubs’ freedoms, kept the on-campus murder rate down to 3 per week. “My buddies Chuck and Tad, we were just passing by,” said Junior psychology major Devlin Coones, “and I start hearing this weird sound like a crappy Youtube stream of the anguish of the entire universe. Then, I see this weird tentacle monster wearing an ugly polo, and a whole bunch of douchey-looking kids bleeding from their eyes and chanting in unison.” According to Coones, things only got truly “weird” when Tad and Chuck sprouted needles from their skin and then were banished to a time vortex. While Coones managed to escape by the skin of his teeth (which are now actually made of skin), friends Tad and Chuck reported that the time vortex was officious, argumentative, and profoundly mismanaged. Most recently, SGA have proposed sweep-

WWE forms bodyslam poetry federation More on page 3:16

ing legislation to rearrange the offices of Hofstra’s 40+ clubs, some of which have maintained the same space for half a century. At first, this plan seemed to be a halfassed cry for attention from a group of otherwise powerless and empty fleshsacks, seeking to wage a senseless turf war against the very students which their organization is intended to service. However, SGA assured clubs that this rash of evictions was only part of a larger plan to, “really get deep into the drywall and floorboards to find the three whistles that sing the song that ends the universe,” finally bringing the student body into un-time. A new, better floorplan was arranged by The Chronicle and Nexus but the psychic trauma of

One of Zuniga’s more positive campaign posters during last year’s election cycle.

defying Cthulhu caused Chronicle Managing Editor Jess Lewis to eat all of her fingers. When Zuniga was asked a variety of questions, among them: Are you actually Cthulhu? What this plan a shoddy, pisspoor idea? Is your head

completely up your a--, or just slightly wedged there? The resounding reply from amidst the mass of his thousand tentacles was, “ by which I mean ‘yes’.”

Moon, unable to take a hint, continues to Explosion of flavor leaves wink at sexy Earthlings 30 dead, 150 wounded during eclipses More on page (515)-556-9097

More on page :(


C 2• May 3rd, 2012

The Nonicle

PAID INSERT

Facebook status & ensuing argument solves nationwide problem

By Max Knoblauch Tired of your antics, Bobby.

If you’d told David Belmonte last week that his Facebook status would, in just a few hours, change the very fabric of our nations governing system, he probably would have laughed or spit in your face. But that’s exactly what it did. Posted last Sunday, at 4:42 pm Mountain Time, Belmonte’s status of, “this hole country sux a--. obama sux an romney sux to,” sparked quite an argument. Within seconds, Belmonte received a response from acquaintance Mark Watkins, reading, “dude, ik i don’t really know you or whatever, but your an idiot. Obama’s way better.”

“When I got Mark’s comment, something just shut off in my brain,” said Belmonte, recalling the incident. “I knew in my heart that I was right, and for him to question me? It’s just… It was like I blacked out. Something else just took over. Something big. Something terrifying.” What happened next will be read about in history books by generations to come. Belmonte’s roommate, Henry Peterson, a self proclaimed expert on “news and shit”, responded with a witty and powerful “you’re*. Not ‘your’, you dumb shit.” The floodgates were open; the battle for Facebook had begun. In the ensuing 73 comments, Belmonte, Peterson, Watkins, and Watkins’ bro Thomas debated nearly

every important topic on the 2012 political ticket, ranging from health care to financial aid reform, and thoroughly covering which of the four was the most gay (Peterson). Around the 75th comment, the folks up in Washington started to take notice. “A White House intern actually came to me with his laptop,” said Vice President Joe Biden. “He was screaming that there was something I needed to see on his news feed. I knew immediately that it had to go to the top.” Biden dropped everything he was doing, including the writing of important documents on health care for veterans, and rushed to the Oval Office with his intern’s 13-inch macbook pro. “The first thing I noticed

was the intern’s desktop wallpaper. It was Pulp Fiction. I love that movie,” said President Barack Obama. “But then I started to read this Facebook thread. The arguments were so…profound. The points made…so deep.” The points President Obama is referring to are those made by Belmonte. “Of course I started off skeptical. He said I sux, obviously I didn’t believe him. But once he elaborated, like 10 comments later, after the part about how that Mark kid was fat? That’s when I knew. He was right. I do sux. This whole system is sux.” Obama wrote his resignation letter on the spot, and after a few quick phone calls, republican candidate Mitt Romney announced that he too

would be stopping his campaign. Nobody called Ron Paul. The two presidential hopefuls have been working tirelessly over the past week in an attempt to persuade the four Duke freshman involved in the Facebook argument to come to Washington and lead our nation into the future. “Do I think I could be president?” said Belmonte, to himself, “I don’t know bro. All I know is Mark Watkins is a douchebag.” Watkins responded to the statement on Twitter, saying “I’m not a douchebag. Ur the douchebags.” So just who is the douchebag? No one can be quite sure, but the very fate of our nation hangs in the balance.

The Nonicle guide to summer By Tyler Elam The layman’s Jason Statham.

It’s the end of spring semester and you know what that means: summer is right around the corner. For many of us, that means fun in the sun and returning home for a real bed and real food. But along with that comes boredom. We all know when college kids are bored they begin to experiment with masturbation, BDSM, and black tar heroin. Now that all sounds fun, but its summer break, not Christmas at the in-laws. My first recommendation to beat the heat is to go to a nice beach. Beach visits have declined over the past five years because of whales, the mythical rapists of the sea. No worries, we have proved whales are nothing more than the government’s anti-communist propaganda. They were also invented to make you forget about all the nucle-

ar engineered turtles running through your sewers. The next question you may ask is, “How did you get into my house, and where is my dog?” But I’m sure the follow up question would be, “What if there are no beaches around?” A good substitute would be a local public swimming pool. I wouldn’t recommend the one near my house though. They kept telling me to be quiet and replaced the diving board with a young adult fiction section. Also they seemed upset I peed in the children’s section, although it was my understanding that everyone peed there. While we’re at it, who names a swimming pool ‘Barnes and Nobles’? There are some of you out there that are deathly afraid of whales and water, well never fear, another activity that is fun for the entire family is visiting a dog park. Dog parks are

where you can hunt the most dangerous game, domesticated house pets, for sport, their lush fur, and tender meat which is always great for Summer BBQs. There always seem to be several protestors who are against the practice. I usually just retort with a copy of Barack Obama’s tell-all book in which he discusses the benefits of dog meat. In the end, the most important thing you can do this summer is relax. It was a long year and every student needs time to recover, to be fresh and renewed for the upcoming school year. Unless you graduated. If that’s the case, then I recommend ingesting hallucinogenic mushrooms to forget about how you wasted four years on a liberal arts degree and today’s economy makes it impossible for you to find a job.

The Nonicle

May 3rd, 2012• C 3

PAID INSERT

Study shows most students aware of Jay Leno problem

By Johnny Fingers The saddest boy in New York

A new study shows that most college students are aware of the problems faced by viewing Jay Leno and his television show(s). Scientific studies have shown that watching the Tonight Show With Jay Leno on a regular basis can cause a decrease in one’s quality of humor, and has led to excessive quoting in the workplace, which can be harmful to fellow co-workers. Luckily, college students are generally aware of this problem,

and have been working to avoid such circumstances. Most students polled are, during the 11:30pm time slot, instead watching the Colbert Report, doing homework, or taking various amounts of illegal drugs, all of which have been proven as being less harmful and more logical than watching Jay Leno. “My parents watch him every night” said one unfortunate senior. “I keep telling them to stop, but they won’t. Last Saturday…last Saturday, I overheard them quoting a joke about Bill Clinton to some friends. I think

I need to get them some help. I think it’s time to disconnect the television.” Watching Jay Leno has been shown as a problem affecting older generations, something college students have taken note of. “Thank god my generation has been blessed with quality television shows, so we don’t have to rely on watching Jay Leno prance around awkwardly, making jokes that he looks like he doesn’t understand. Does he even know who Kourtney Kardashian is?” asked one sophomore. One tragically sheltered freshman admitted

to having already succumbed to the problem. “I started with Jaywalking, and I was only going to watch that. I was doing okay, until someone showed me Headlines. From there, it was the monologue, and then there was no turning back. It spiraled. It spiraled” she said in between tears, the way most conversations about Jay Leno end. “Next thing I knew, I was watching Jay ask Jennifer Aniston about Matthew Perry’s private parts. He made a “Bing” joke. I laughed. I actually laughed. I want to die.” The Internet and

DVR have only worsened this problem, as Jay Leno can now be absorbed at all hours of the day, instead of just 11:30 on weeknights. Scientists warn that there are only so many Lindsay Lohan jokes one can take before becoming a habitual Jay Leno watcher. It is a kickable habit, say scientists. Therapists have been administering heavy doses of Arrested Development and Futurama to those whose humor has been dumbed down by the talk show host. If you or someone you know has been affected by Jay Leno, help should be sought.

Student film so progressive it can’t be considered film By A. R. Gyle No Soliciting.

The Hofstra Film Club’s spring festival was truly a night to remember. Some of the school’s hardest working students got to show off their work to friends and family. The biggest surprise this year came from sophomore Michael Wong’s film, “###XYZ]:(&” a progressive art film that didn’t register in the visual spectrum. The twenty minute “film” addressed age old questions about the human condition, the nature of good and evil, and most importantly of all, love. Mere minutes into the screening the audience knew they

were in for an usual treat when the soundtrack (a series of blaring horns and beeps) broke the Student Center Theater’s sound system and caused three hemorrhages. The earliest moments of the film were performed in the theater by an acting troupe, before a series of unrelated images started flashing on the screen. The images increased in frequency until a few viewers complained of feelings of nausea. However, moments later when the projected images transcended space and time all complains of upset stomachs ceased, due to the fact that the audience’s thoughts fused into a

single consciousness. There were no physical survivors of the film’s screening, but the Collective Consciousness, a being of pure energy and gamma radiation, said it enjoyed the film. “At first we found the movie trite. It empathized too strongly with human emotions and registered within their five pitiful senses. But after the Convergence we totally ‘got it,’” said the Collective Consciousness. The supreme being also likened Wang’s film to Inception and praised the way its layered storytelling captured the protagonist’s adolescent hopes and fears while calling attention to our own mortality.

“We cannot explain the themes of the film to you humans without exposing your brains to fatal levels of X-rays,” the Collective Consciousness said. “It would be like trying to explain a Herzog film to a football player, the mind would literally melt.” When asked to comment on his movie and the 13 dimensions it exists in, director Wang said he was surprised but pleased with the Collected Consciousness’ review. “Everyone really seemed to enjoy it which was chill because my professor really didn’t like the script. Plus it was pretty cool the way everyone melted into their seats and stuff.

Wang will not be charged for the deaths of anyone in the audience because their minds will live on forever as an ageless being older than time itself. “Honestly though,” Wang added, “People are reading way further into this than I ever meant them to. I got the idea after I got baked and watched “Scarface” one night. I thought it would be totally boss if me and my buds could make something like that. But when the raw footage crashed my editing program and my hard drive burst into flames, I knew I was on to something.”

Hofstra student shanked during jail & bail By Johnny Fingers Jumpy but finally medicated.

Graduate student Jenna Adelphi brought the Student Center to a halt when her screeches of pain ripped through the hustle and bustle of post-class lunch. It was Hofstra’s Jail and Bail, and she had just been shanked for not having any cigarettes. The student with the homemade civ was

Christopher Bronte, or “Christ” for short. Bronte is a female senior majoring in political science. Adelphi was put in the faux-jail by her suitemate for “flagrant borrowing of hair brushes,” where Bronte was imprisoned by her RA for “weaponry” and has served actual jail time in Pennsylvania. Adelphi responded to the incident after being treated, saying “She asked

me for a cigarette, and I said I didn’t have any. I’ve never smoked a day in my life. She accused me of lying, saying I was hiding them. I asked where I even could, and she said, ‘How do you think I got my meth in here?’ Then she stabbed me in the shoulder.” Hempstead police officer Robert Rodriguez was already on the scene, hired by Hofstra to preside for added authenticity, and

also miserably trying to recruit. “I saw what happened. I ran into the cell, threw Christopher on the ground and punched her in the face. I probably wouldn’t have punched her in the face if I knew she was a woman.” Officer Rodriguez recovered the weapon, made out of chips from the floor’s tiling. There were twentysix marks on the ground, presumably indicating the

minutes Bronte had been in the cell. Rodriguez let fellow officers take care of Bronte’s smuggled methamphetamines. Bronte is now being held in maximum security, in the hallway between Rathskellar and the Post Office. Bail has been set at the price for one class.


C 4• May 3rd, 2012

The Nonicle

PAID INSERT

Eddie Murphy found to percieve time as linear series of deterministic events

By Bryan Menegus Has never lost at UNO.

According to leading scientists at the recent International Time and Space Summit, Eddie Murphy was determined to possess the ability to see into the fourth dimension. When approached by reporters to address the plausibility of these claims, Eddie Murphy had left his front door open, with a sign hanging from the mailbox with the words “You will arrive at 2:28pm in a used Prius, the answer is yes, come inside for Belgian waffles and mimosas” scrawled in what appeared to be lipstick. Eddie Murphy, erstwhile comedic dynamo, sat in calm repose on a divan, and explained that at the height of his cocaine usage he challenged the ghost of Lenny Bruce to a fistfight; while pop sensation Eddie Murphy managed to win, he was cursed to understand time and space as a series of ever-fraying threads. “Space is like an onion,” explained the actor Eddie Murphy, “space has layers; onions make you cry.” Before the reporter—a one James Seltzer, parttime hairdresser—could ask how understanding the connection between every event didn’t lead Eddie Murphy to even

greater fame, or at least winning the lottery, Eddie Murphy responded, “I saw myself as an important patch in the cosmic quilt, and understood that my success was untenable. Remember that earthquake in Japan? The Nutty Professor II prevented that from becoming a nuclear event.” While James Seltzer had not heard of Japan or Eddie Murphy, this interdimensional stranger continued, “Vampire in Brooklyn is why California hasn’t sunk into the ocean, Norbit kept the world’s guacamole supply for seven whole days—the historic basis of Channukah—and A Thousand Words…you don’t even want to know what would have happened if I hadn’t made that awful mess. Hint: we would have gotten rid of Carlos Mencia but we would lose every song besides Tegan and Sara’s “Walking with a Ghost”” As it turns out, if Eddie Murphy had continued to be famous, it may well have ended the world as we know it, beginning first with the re-popularization of leather suits in 2015 and ending with a food fight which wasn’t going to be fun for anybody. “I’m forced to be known for my lesser work,” Eddie Murphy said, refusing to serve the

Belgian waffles which had long since gone cold and basically just hogging all the mimosas, “the safety of our cosmos seems more important than enjoying another waking second of my time in this washed up mortal coil.” In a followup email in which Murphy replied to a correspondence that had not yet been sent by Mr. Seltzer,

Eddie Murphy admitted: “Tower Heist was just for fun; sorry about the economy.” At the time this article is being written, an angry mass of unemployed Americans are approaching Mr. Murphy’s home. He is expected to experience the sweet release of death once this mob finishes smashing all of his good china.

The Nonicle

www.nonsensehumor.com

A satircal insert to The Chronicle, written and produced by Nonsense Humor Magazine

Editor-in-Chief Bryan Menegus Managing Editor Cody Heintz 25% More Fiber! Ana Davis Fleeing Incarceration Andrew McNally AKA Johnny Fingers Worth Her Weight in People Holly Mayer The Rabble Matt Ern, Tyler Elam Max Knoblaugh AKA A. R. Guyle, Max Knoblaugh & Tyler Elam (Bread &) Butter “I can’t believe it’s not” Bam Margera

DISCLAIMER: NONSENSE is Hofstra’s only intentional humor magazine and the Nonicle is an extension thereof. We meet once a week and produce three issues per semester. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the views of Hofstra University or the Hofstra Chronicle. Any likeness to people existing or fictional is purely coincidental.

Public Safety Briefs November 3st - November 10th, 2011 On April 22, a PSO was seen attending Live at the Apollo. In his report, he described his weekend as “otherwise uneventful.” Non-student died while attempting to commit suicide. He was issued a summons.

Dempster Hall became sentient and killed a communications class on April 25. Public Safety officers returned Dempster to it’s building status and issued it a stern talking to. A student student was banned from campus by a PSO March 29, reportedly for being black. The stu-

All-You-Can-Eat Schadenfreude

dent was unaffected, being that he attended Harvard and had never heard of Hofstra University. Sophomore film student Lars von Try-Hard was removed from Dempster for continuing to produce films. The entire independent film community was secretly relieved.

Two students were seen eating nachos. They described the experience as meaningful and were issued a summons. On May 1, two North American Cardinals were given summons for being in the Bird Sanctuary without an appointment. They have been banned

from campus and campus’ airspace. The price of gold saw record highs this April 29. In other news, PSO Ray Davies finally got a good deal on that sensible Toyota coupe he’d been saving up to buy.


A12 • may 3, 2012

Editorial

The Chronicle

Senior Sign-offs from The Chronicle Staff By Max Sass editor-in-chief

It’s fitting that my biggest regret after four years with The Chronicle derives from the very first thing I learned in a journalism class at Hofstra. The spring of my freshman year, in Professor Fletcher’s Journalism 11 class we learned that the newspaper was the government’s watchdog. The Chronicle is not the New York Times and we are not expected to watch over the folks down in D.C., but I promised my staff and myself when I was elected Editorin-Chief that we would improve our coverage of SGA and truly become the (Hofstra) government’s watchdog. Excuses about staff size are easy to throw around, but I truly regret that during my time in charge of this fine newspaper, we failed to be a check over Hofstra’s student government. I will not call our coverage lazy, but I will not call it dogged either. I will call it fair and unbiased, but I will not call it in depth enough. I can blame SGA’s inability to check itself internally, but truly the problem was that I, as Editor-inChief, did not hold my staff and myself responsible enough for keeping tabs on SGA. Days upon days can be spent arguing whether SGA’s model is flawed, but what I could have controlled was The Chronicle and in that I failed. I ask and challenge Joe Pantorno, The Chronicle’s next Editor-in-Chief, and all those who follow him, to do what I did not. Be the government’s watchdog. Take them to task for what they do. Hold them responsible for their actions. Inform the students and allow them to make decisions. Most of all, to the future staff:

Do not let government go so unchecked by our newspaper that desperation efforts well into the night are the only option to stop a process someone is unhappy with. Having said all of that, and despite leaving my role without having achieved everything I hoped to, my experience at The Chronicle has been amazing. The people, the office, the time spent. It’s all something I would never trade away. I owe many, many thanks to Professors Peter Goodman and Daniel van Benthuysen in their roles as official and unofficial advisors to The Chronicle. They also have done a service to me, taking time to guide me in my growth as both a leader and a journalist. Plus their advice has kept us out of the courtroom. Many thanks as well to my other journalism professors, including Professors Fletcher, Zook, Graber, Kussin, Jeansonne, Stuart and any others I have forgotten at this late hour. Thank you to the wonderful folks in the athletics department, especially those in the Sports Information department who have been incredibly helpful and patient with my requests. I owe a deep debt of gratitude to my current colleagues at The Chronicle and those who have guided me to this point including Sean M. Gates, Ryan Broderick, David Gordon and many others. My parents, family and friends for supporting me in this incredibly time consuming endeavor and Glen and Charlie for putting up with my shenanigans and whatever part of their workspace I made a mess of. To the Chronicle: Thank you for everything you have done for me. To the future of The Chronicle: finish what I was unable to.

The views and opinions expressed in Op-Ed section are those of the authors of the articles. They are not a reflection of the views and are not endorsed by The Chronicle or its staff. The Chronicle does not discriminate its articles based on the opinions of the author.

By Jessica Lewis Managing Editor

Approaching graduation, I can honestly say that I have had a great four years, but I’m a little disappointed in myself. Not because my grades are horrible or because I didn’t learn enough, but because I’ve realized how much of the Hofstra community I do not know. During my time here, I joined clubs and left clubs, but The Chronicle was always a constant. Joining in my freshman year, every Wednesday I have ever known at Hofstra was spent in The Chronicle office working until the early morning. There were times that I hated devoting my Wednesday nights to the newspaper as opposed to going out with friends, but today I realize I wouldn’t want it any other way. It was in this office that I learned some of the most valuable skills

that I will take with me into my career, it was here that I pushed myself to achieve more and it was here that I met some of the best people I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. When the Student Government Association proposed new office arrangements last week, The Chronicle was one of several clubs affected. None of us were ready to let go of this office and we were determined to keep it. We worked together with various clubs to create our own office layout. We listened to everyone’s concerns and suggestions and in the end made sure everyone was happy. Every club made compromises, agreed to share spaces and had high hopes that our proposed plan would work. As stressful and time consuming as this process was, I’m glad it happened. I got to know so many new people, learned about

clubs I’ve never even heard of and worked with these people to achieve a greater good. As enlightening as this all was, it left me wondering why students only join together in the time of a crisis. While I am still unable to answer this question myself, I’m glad that what could have potentially been a disastrous experience instead became an opportunity to work together. This past week opened up my eyes to a whole new Hofstra. For the first time I felt the “college community,” we were always promised. I regret that it took me a month until graduation to discover the rest of the Hofstra world. With graduation less than a month away, it’s a little late for me, but I urge you all to embrace your classmates – and not just in time of a predicament.

Modern misconceptions By Elisabeth Turner COLUMNIST

Cindy Sherman’s work is on exhibition display at the Museum of Modern Art until June 11. Sherman is a conceptual photographer who deals with the superficiality of the various aspects of modern identity. The first work I saw, upon entering the exhibition, was that of a woman standing across from an elegant outdoor stairwell. The woman was wearing heavy pearls and earrings, and the focus of the shot drew attention to her weary red eyes. Her face was coated with foundation, and her lips were stained red. She also had noticable wrinkles extending from the side of her lip back towards her ear. Immediately, the work impacted me, the message seemingly transparent; modern culture’s obsession with beauty and wealth is hollow, and never brings authentic happiness. Another room was filled with photos of clowns positioned against backgrounds with a multitude of psychedelic-like colors, or actual landscapes. Like the photos of the women, each one possessed a sad and artificial quality. I thought that perhaps the nuances of the clown’s

makeup indicated the implausibility and often hollow measure of appearances. The last room had images that depicted the abdomen and genitalia of both the male and female. Another image was void of dimensional human presence entirely — the only elements included were half-eaten cupcakes, a pair of sunglasses reflecting the tormented face of a woman and some vomit. I was jolted by the sudden thought that sexual distortion of such an intense nature is not really art. The perception of what true art is has changed. Yet, art should still be uplifting and inspiring, even at first impression. Poignancy and melancholy details are undoubtedly some of the very factors that contribute to a piece’s beauty. But is a piece that perverts human identity and sexuality in such an intense and grotesque way truly beautiful? Yes, society and humankind have throughout the ages, continued to condemn and distort sexual identity — this is the very notion Sherman’s work is purported to represent. Her work possesses a deeply moving

message, yet its viability for transition from a sexually and cosmetically hollow culture remains questionable. Some students at Hofstra are driven by ambition, some not so much. Some are artists, a group of people who are perpetually fascinated by the underlying qualities of humanity or by some aspect of nature. Student dreams and goals will always vary greatly in scope, but no matter someone’s major or ambition, it’s important to remember the vast and unrelenting appetite our world has for distortions of truth. Darkness is an essential and enhancing element of art and explicit images are a powerful tool of creative minds. But, as Hofstra students, we should take a step back, and remember what truly defines us as humans and what beauty really is. Cindy Sherman’s work is authentic and poignant, but an even greater distortion of sexuality may not be the solution needed to wake up society. Only beauty can renew the world. As Hofstra students, why not let that beauty begin with you?

“modern culture’s obsession with beauty and wealth is hollow...”


The Chronicle

Op-ed

may 3 , 2012• A13

Relay for Life: A night for remembrance By Ronny O’Leary COLUMNIST

One of the worst experiences a person can have is to lose a loved one to cancer. Emily Lovejoy made a tear-filled speech at Saturday’s Relay for Life fundraiser. She talked about the dreadful experience of losing

her mother, who she called her best friend. There are numerous stories like Emily’s which describe experiences with cancer. This disease is now one of the most common causes of death in the United States, and it has caused unimaginable suffering for the patients and their families. It is essential that we fight this disease

in order to decrease the pain that these people feel. Hofstra has teamed up with Relay for Life for an annual event to raise money for the American Cancer Society. During the first event four years ago, there were only 300 participants. However, this fundraiser has grown in popularity so

Illustration by Kristin Sprague

that there were over 1,000 particpants in this year’s Relay for Life event. It was the most successful event so far, the University managed to raise over $104,000, according to the latest estimates. Heather Schnepf, the secretary of Phi Eta Sigma, said that the University wants to have the most participants in an event by welcoming high school and other college student. I was there as a member of Phi Eta Sigma, and it was a very emotional experience. They showed a video of students who lost loved ones, and there were several people that had multiple family members with this disease. There were also speakers at the event who talked about how they have either lost a family member to cancer or battled the disease themselves. I commend these speakers for being strong enough to discuss such a horrible topic. It is tragic that so many people have suffered, either directly or indirectly, because of cancer. However, it was very inspiring to see so many people showing up to participate in this worthwhile event. Heather Schnepf described how involved each participant was, “Whenever

there was a speaker, everyone gave their undivided attention,” she said. The most memorable aspect of the event was the luminaria ceremony, where paper bags were placed around the field with lit candles. Each bag represented someone who died from cancer. For me, the flames symbolized the spirit that people must maintain after losing someone to cancer. What made the event even better is that Pix 11 News showed up in order to cover the event. I saw the report about the fundraiser the following night. This coverage is very important because it spreads the message even further, and it will hopefully inspire other people to join the cause. Everyone at Hofstra has concern for each other, which is why we are motivated to come out on a chilly Saturday night and show our solidarity in facing such a difficult task. There are plenty of people who, like Emily Lovejoy, have had their families torn apart by this terrible disease. Hopefully, the popularity of this event will keep increasing, and we can continue the fight against cancer.

Letter to the Editor: ‘Tenured Professors’ The Editorial on April 26 (“Tenured Professors, CTRs and who is really in control”) demonstrates a serious lack of understanding of the American Association of University Professors (AAUP) and of the process by which faculty are appointed, reappointed and awarded tenure. Based on what she was told by an anonymous professor, the article states that “the AAUP decides who gets hired…” and goes on to state “the AAUP cannot always just fire or let go of such teachers if they get poor CTRs.” In order for Hofstra students to have accurate information, we believe it is important to clarify the process by which faculty are hired and awarded tenure. Initial hiring, reappointment and tenure decisions are made by faculty serving on Departmental Personnel Committees. Final decisions are the result of thorough reviews by

both faculty and administration, and are subject to the approval of the Provost, the President and ultimately the Board of Trustees. Decisions not to reappoint or award tenure to a faculty member are similarly made jointly by the faculty and the administration. The AAUP is certainly notified of these decisions, byt contrary to Webb’s statements, it plays no role in deciding which faculty are hired, reappointed or granted tenure and which ones are not. The role of the AAUP is to ensure due process and compliance with the contract between Hofstra’s faculty and administration. Tenure always seems to come under fire during economic downturns. Contrary to widely held opinion, however, tenure is not a license to evade ones job. On the contrary, it allows the tenured faculty member to engage in teaching, research and university

service in ways that he or she believes to be in the best interest of students and the advancement of knowledge, regardless of how controversial their teaching, research and service might me. Another misunderstood fact: few tenured professors give up tenure when they elect to become full-time administrators. Tenure helped to fuel American economic progress in the 20th century, and to create the most accessible and affordable system of public/ private higher education that the world has ever known. Whether tenured or not, the vast majority of faculty are strongly committed to their students, their universities and the

profession. The paradox is, of course, that the quality of your education depends upon first and foremost on attracting and retaining a great faculty. The most prestigious schools are not about to end tenure any time soon. Tenure, according to the AAUP, “promotes freedom of teaching, research, and the other educational activities, and also provides a ‘sufficient degree of economic security to make the profession attractive to men and women of ability.” These are critical components of a quality education that should not be taken for granted or considered frivolous. The ability to cultivate a

“contrary to widely held opinion... tenure is not a license to evade ones job...”

marketplace of ideas free of the consideration of university administrators and/ or the political influence of outside organizations are what allow foe the advancement of knowledge and encouragement of critical thinking. Without these ideals we would remain a stagnant and complacent society, not to mention an ignorant citizenry. Dr. Dennis W. Mazzocco President, Hofstra Chapter American Association of University Professors

Editors Note: Last weeks article ‘Tenured Professors” had inaccuracies that needed to be corrected: - Professors can see buff sheets - the AAUP does not decide who is hired and fired - professors going for tenure get three appointment evaluations


Sports

A 14 May 3, 2012

The Chronicle

Pride bounces back for a CAA sweep at Delaware By Alex Hyman STAFF WRITER

Cody Heintz/The Chronicle Junior utility player Austin Nyman (20) warming up in the infield.

After a poor team pitching performance a week ago, the Pride bounced back this past weekend getting a much needed sweep of Colonial Athletic Association (CAA) opponent Delaware University. Junior Joe Burg got the ball on Friday and solidified himself as the Pride’s opening starter. “He had the biggest start,” head coach John Russo said. “He came out with a lot of confidence, a lot of moxie and just gave us a big presence on the mound which we’ve been missing for a few weeks.” Burg tossed five shutout innings en route to his fourth victory of the season. Brett Schreiber also shined out of the bullpen finishing the game and picking up his second save of the year. The offense was dominant once again. CAA player of the week senior Kevin Flynn led the way with three hits and one RBI. Juniors Jarred Hammer, Matt Ford, T.J. Thomas and Bryan Verbitsky combined for 14 RBI’s

in the contest, with Hammer and Verbitsky each with a home run. For Verbitsky, it was his fourth home run in the past six games. The Pride went on to score 16 runs to win the game 16-1. Hammer delivered once again in the first inning of Saturday’s game with a two-run double. He then went on to score on a Verbitsky single, which gave the Pride a 3-0 lead. That was all the offense junior John Tiedemann would need. “He was well rested and back to normal,” Russo said. “Only one runner reached second base and he was just real dominant.” Tiedemann was in total control through the first eight innings, giving up just three hits in his fifth win of the year. Verbitsky was able to get out of a ninth inning jam to keep the shutout intact and close out a 4-0 win. Flynn and Hammer led the team with two hits each. The Pride had its toughest challenge in the series finale on Sunday. Freshman David Jesch struggled for the second straight start. After just three innings in his last start, Jesch was unable to record an out in the second

inning and finished with just one official inning pitched, giving up eight earned runs. The Pride was able to score eight runs through the first four innings including an RBI single that plated two from catcher Matt Reistetter that tied the game at eight. Trailing by one entering the top of the eighth inning, Senior and Golden Spikes Award nominee Danny Poma got things going with his nation-best 27th double of the season. After a strikeout, intentional walk, and fly out, it was up to Flynn once again to come up in the clutch. Flynn delivered with a two-run double to put the Pride ahead 10-9. Verbitsky came on once again to pick up a two-inning save, his fourth of the year. The Pride had an out-of-conference game against Rutgers University on Tuesday and picked up its fifth shut out of the year. Reistetter led the way for the Pride with a game high three RBI’s. “I think the James Madison weekend was a big aberration,” Russo Said.

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Sports

The Chronicle

May 3, 2012 A 15

And so I face the final curtain Well, Graduation Day has finally approached, and after four years on the Hofstra campus, it is time to take my talents and laptop to bigger and better things. What those things are I’m not sure, but I can honestly say writing this column has really given me a broader perspective of what’s on tap for this writer. When Max Sass, last year’s sports editor, approached me about this idea, it took me about a microsecond to think about it. Absolutely. What better way for me to take a break from my studies than to vent about all the craziness that is this wide world of sports we adore. I remember the first column. It was based on the kinds of fans that exist and what team you should be rooting for. I also remember it didn’t make it to the print edition of The Chronicle. That’s because I didn’t make it in time for the deadline. Off to a great start. Needless to say, I relied heavily on Facebook to spread the word about the article.

I must’ve posted the link enough times to compete with Kony 2012. Either way, the feedback was awesome and I embraced it. People came up to me with ideas, I wrote them. Athletes and coaches on the campus came up to me saying how much they enjoyed it. I had people who didn’t even like sports say they liked my column. I felt pretty accomplished. I remember having Joe Pantorno read this over all the time before I submitted it, because I knew if he would laugh, the column was fairly good to ship out. However, I quickly learned how fast you can run out of ideas. By December, I was fresh out of ideas and relying on people for story ideas like Dick Cheney relies on stolen hearts to keep him alive (Kalimah! Kalimah!). No matter how strenuous it was, a story always came forward. A joke was always made. An opinion was always stated, and to that I have to

thank the many pro athletes and their many faux pas over these last two years for helping me accomplish my goal…delivering a column you wouldn’t use as paper mache.

A thank you to:

- Jeremy Lin - Amare Stoudemire - Carmelo Anthony - Metta World Peace - Ron Artest (two mentions for double the idiot) - Charles Barkley - Rashard Mendenhall - Ben Roethlisberger - The New York Mets - The Steinbrenner Family - Chris Martin - Tim Tebow - Tom Brady - Bill Belichick - Any member of the New England Taliban, aka the Pats - The Boston Red Sox - The Atlanta Braves - Eli Manning - Houston Nutt - Nick Saban - Chuck Liddell

- Tito Ortiz - Terry Francona - Ozzie Guillen - The Philadelphia Eagles - The Philadelphia Phillies - The Philadelphia Flyers - The Philadelphia 76ers - The people of Philadelphia - Chris Martin - Adele - Karl Malone - Duaner Sanchez - Francisco Rodriguez - Shawne Merriman - The city of Indianapolis - Andrew Luck - Lil’ Wayne - Lindsay Lohan - Paris Hilton - Anything with a Kardashian next to it - The Twilight Franchise - The makers of “The Artist” …so much help, so little space to fill. And one final thank you to you, the reader. You gave this column a special place in your week. You took the time to read these words and to humor me as

SUMMER

SESSIONS

2012

I attempted to humor you. This column had a lot of heart, but the heart I put in to this was only a minor part of the heart put in to the Hofstra Chronicle every week. My column may be gone, but the paper is still here. Keep picking it up. There are a lot of fellow students working hard to produce this. I hope I speak for all of them when I say I get a smile on my face every time I see people turning these pages. Again, thank you. Time to get up and move this armchair somewhere else.

ARMCHAIR

Observations

with Matt

Napolitano

Humor Columnist

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Sports

A 16 May 3, 2012

The Chronicle

Pride receives help it needs but drops regular season finale Hofstra Penn State

8 9

By John Iadevaia STAFF WRITER

Cody Heintz/The Chronicle Graduate midfielder Steve Serling (5) played his last collegiate game against Penn State.

The scene in the locker room was desolate. The assistant coaches sat against the wall staring at the opposite blank walls. The emptiness represented their feelings on another overtime loss, concluding a tough season for the Hofstra men’s lacrosse team. Yet again, the fourth quarter doomed the Pride. Ahead 7-3 entering the final quarter, Penn State rallied from a four-goal deficit. Gavin Ahern tied the game with 17 seconds remaining, while Shane Sturgis would tally the game winner in double overtime, 9-8. “It’s been the story all year long,” said head coach Seth Tierney following the game. Entering the final regular season game, it was a winand-pray scenario for Hofstra, who finished the year 6-8. They had to win against no. 16 Penn State to keep their season alive. Conference cellar dweller St. Joseph’s would also need to beat Towson, since the Tigers had the tie-breaker against Pride. Hofstra would have moved to 3-3 and clinched the fourth seed in the CAA tournament. Towson would have fallen to 2-4. Minutes after Hofstra lost, the team learned that St. Joe’s had won their first conference game in program history. Players stared at

the ground in their chairs. “Just devastating for our guys,” said Tierney. For three quarters, the blueand-gold controlled the game. The offense generated scoring chances against Penn State keeper, Austin Kaut, who earned the win with 14 saves. Senior Mike DeNapoli buried four goals, while midfielders Mike Malave, Aaron Jones, Korey Hendrickson and Torin Varn each chipped in a goal each. The defense was strong, limiting the Nittnay Lions to 3 goals on 25 shots entering the final quarter. Close defenseman Cody Solaja kept attackman Jack Forster silent most of the game. The Texas native finished with two groundballs and caused two turnovers. Yet again, the Pride lost control of the game in the fourth. Penn State scored two quick goals, controlled the face-offs, eventually drawing to within one goal with under two minutes to play. Hofstra was winning groundballs in the fourth quarter, keeping possession in the offensive zone for long stretches. However, another late turnover with a minute left gave Penn State the opportunity to tie it. Fans will look back on this season asking what could have been. Except for Princeton, Hofstra was competitive in the other seven losses. Each game they had a fourth quarter lead. Six of them were one goal losses, four of them coming in overtime.

Against Notre Dame, North Carolina, and UMass, the Pride outplayed these top 10 teams, but not throughout the contest. Whatever the reason, Hofstra could never win in the fourth quarter. It was outscored 43-26, allowed 142 shots, committed 61 turnovers, and lost 41-77 face-offs. “It’s been a little bit of a mudslide…we haven’t been great in the fourth quarter,” said Tierney. With the end of a season comes a fond farewell for the departing seniors. Four-year starting goaltender Andrew Gvozden, attackman Mike DeNapoli, midfielders Steve Serling, Dan Pezzolla, Zachary Pall, Cole Koesterer and defender Brian Hogan all played in their last games for the Pride. Despite the struggles, Hofstra returns a talented roster. Leading scorers Adrian Sorichetti and Lance Yapor return, along with freshman scorers Tyler Begely and Mike Malave. The Three R’s; Ryan Reilly, Steve Romano and John Reicheter return to the defensive midfield, while the starting close defense comes back with Solaja, Mark Mullen, Michael Hamilton and Corey Captuo. It will be a long off-season for Seth Tierney’s crew. A yearlong challenge to his roster awaits: Improve during the summer, play hard in the fall, tune up in the winter and the 2013 lacrosse season will be down the road.

Hofstra Athletics Calendar Home

Away

Baseball

THU 5/3

FRI 5/4

SUN 5/6

vs. Northeastern vs. Northeastern vs. Northeastern

3:00 P.M. Softball

SAT 5/5 2:00 P.M.

vs. UNCW vs. UNCW 12:00 P.M.

11:00 P.M.

1:00 P.M.

MON 5/7

TUE 5/8

wed 5/9 @Albany 4:00 P.M. @CAA Cha mpionships

TBA


The Chronicle Sports

May 3, 2012 A 17

Women’s lacrosse cannot hold off James Madison Pride season ends in CAA semifinals as the defending conference champs move on Hofstra

JMU

9 10

By Angelo Brussich ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR

Cody Heintz/The Chronicle Junior midfielder Emily von Hollen (10) looking to make the right pass.

The dam could not hold for the Hofstra women’s lacrosse team, finally cracking under constant pressure from defending Colonial Athletic Association (CAA) champion James Madison University. The Pride gave JMU a surprising scare, but it was the Dukes who prevailed with a 10-9 victory. The loss knocked Hofstra out of the CAA championships and finished off an up and down season for the Pride. “A couple more plays that we could’ve made, or a couple more mistakes that we shouldn’t have made,” said head coach Abby Morgan. “And there’s the game.” Junior midfielder Jill Maier and senior goalie Jaclyn Pandolf lead the way for the Pride, as Maier

scored two goals and Pandolf had nine saves and three ground balls in the contest. “Jackie’s been fantastic, and again she was today,” said Morgan “There were a couple that she probably could’ve had but she can’t stand on her head every game…the shots that we allowed them to take she handled.” The loss gives Hofstra a final record of 5-12, finishing out the season falling one goal short of a birth in the CAA championship game. Hofstra jumped out of the gate the way one would expect an underdog, ferocious and trying to gain momentum. The Pride did just that scoring the first two goals of the contest, but its high was short lived as the Dukes came right back scoring four unanswered goals of its own. Hofstra then came right back, taking the momentum of the game scoring the next four of five goals to head into the first half

with a surprising 6-5 lead. The Pride defense was strong all game, being able to keep the powerful JMU team relatively at bay. “They played high pressure, they were spent, and they did a really good job,” said Morgan. “I think we had them on the ropes.” The second half opened up with both teams standing toe to toe, trading goals as the Pride fought off every attempt by JMU to take the lead. For the first 20 minutes of the second half, Hofstra would answer each goal by the Dukes, allowing them to tie up the game but scoring to retake the lead. Neither team would score anything for the next six and a half minutes until the Dukes finally broke the drought with 3:35 to play. Then a little more than a minute later Amy Rogusti of JMU would finally retake the lead with her third goal of the contest as Hofstra just could not hold off the Dukes attack.

Morgan steps down as women’s lacrosse head coach By Joe Pantorno SPORTS EDITOR

Four days after the Hofstra women’s lacrosse’s 10-9 loss in the CAA semifinals, head coach Abby Morgan stepped down from her position. Morgan was the head coach of the Pride for six years and was with the program for a total of nine. “I have truly enjoyed helping young women succeed in the classroom, on the field and in life,” stated Morgan. “I wish the best to the student-athletes that I have coached here at Hofstra and wish them luck in all of their future endeavors. Personally, I am extremely appreciative and thankful for my Assistant Coaches Tanya Kotowicz and Allison Nuzzi for everything they have done for me and for the program.” Morgan joined the staff as an assistant coach in 2004 season and took over the head coaching

position in 2006. She compiled a 52-50 record, leading the Pride to a 5-12 record this past season. Morgan did manage to lead Hofstra to the semifinals of this year’s tournament to ensure a top four finish. Hofstra made the CAA championship game twice under her in 2007 and 2010. In 2007, she coached the Pride to an NCAA Tournament appearance where it lost 12-8 to Johns Hopkins University. “We would like to thank coach Morgan for her contributions to Hofstra University and our women’s lacrosse program,” said Interim Director of Athletics Danny McCabe. “We appreciate all of her efforts over the last nine years and wish her well in the future.” The Athletic Department will conduct a national search to find Morgan’s succesor. Cody Heintz/The Chronicle Morgan (right) spent nine years with the Hofstra women’s lacrosse program, six as the head coach.


A 18•May 3, 2012

Sports

The Chronicle

Freshman DH Trippi adds new dimension to Pride By Andrea Ordonez NEWS EDITOR

In the cold mist of a dreary May day, senior Courtney Crews squats with her glove ready in front of her. As senior Erin Wade throws pitch after pitch at her, Crews catches each, bringing the sound of a quick snap. “Good job, Erin,” she yells as she throws the softball back. Next to Crews, another girl squats down to with her glove at the ready. From behind, she and Crews look a pair of synchronized catchers, with high blond ponytails and black softball helmets. Ironically, her name is Erin as well. Freshman Erin Trippi emerged on the Hofstra softball team this season as a designated hitter, while Crews remains the starting catcher. Trippi’s days on the softball field began when she was 13, when she would hop from ice hockey practice to softball weekly. A

Cody Heintz/ The Chronicle Trippi has provided a youthful spark to a team filled with veterans.

varsity catcher at Paramus Catholic High School in New Jersey, Trippi garnered three firstteam all-county honors. But going hitless during her first nine trips to bat at Hofstra, Trippi felt her confidence fading. Her struggles were more than just not getting any hits. Trippi spent most of her first semester searching for the perfect balance between school and softball, and adjusting to the mental side of this Division I sports. “The mental part of the game that I’m learn-

ing now, I never knew was even part of the game,” said Trippi. “High school was like, show up and just either hit the ball or catch, it wasn’t really thinking.

And now it’s really about the mental part of the game to be successful at this level.” But now, the signs of Trippi’s previous hardships are long gone as she squats and zones in on fellow freshman Dominique Ficara’s pitches in the bullpen. She credits her sudden success to the persevering words of her coach, Bill Edwards. “I talk to him as much as I can,” Trippi said. “My first few games, I didn’t have a lot of confidence coming in because I was struggling, and he just kept pushing to me that I can do this and I’m in the right place.” Since her double against the UCLA Bruins on March 4, which ended her hitless streak, Edwards was right in that Trippi looks like she’s in the right place. “It’s seldom that I ever put a freshman in the fourth spot, but she’s been doing such a great job and she’s responded beautifully,” Edwards told GoHofstra.com. As of May 2, Trippi is batting .280 with four home runs and 28 RBI’s and has provided some clutch at bats including the game-winning single against the University of Maine in what proved to be her first career RBI. While it’s too early to call her Crews’ successor, Trippi admires her for her guidance. “From the beginning she kind of became a mentor to me, both as a catcher and as a student,” said Trippi. “She kind of put me under her wing and brought me through everything.” Choosing Hofstra for its esteemed business program, Trippi has learned more than just how to bat and catch in a Division I program. “I feel like after getting through this program, I’m going to be able to tackle any obstacle in life,” said Trippi. “Life is going to be so much easier after getting through Hofstra.” But for now, Trippi takes her transition from high school to college one catch at a time. “I kind of know the way things are going now, so everything’s becoming easier,” she said. “I’m finally coming into my own.”


Sports

The Chronicle

May 3, 2012 A 19

For Hammer and Rogers, there is an angel in the outfield By Joe Pantorno SPORTS EDITOR

Junior pitcher Jared Rogers is always confident when a pitch of his is hit to the outfield because he knows he has four players patrolling the open field. One of them, however, does not don a Hofstra uniform. “We have an advantage against every team we play because not only are we such a close team… but we have an angel in the outfield looking over our shoulders at us.”

Rogers is speaking of former high school teammate Kevin Gilbert, a standout outfielder who was teammates with the Hofstra right-hander and junior first baseman Jared Hammer at Hunterdon Central High School in Flemington, NJ. “It’s really a baseball town,” said Hammer. “Flemington is basically a farm community that goes into the suburbs…it’s a great place to grow up.” At Hunterdon Central, Rogers and Hammer, who are two years older than Gilbert, won two New Jersey State

Championships in their junior and senior seasons in 2008 and 2009. Gilbert as a sophomore centerfielder hit a grand slam in the championship game in 2009 to lift Hunterdon Central to its second straight title. “Hunterdon Central will always stick with me because of the careers we had there and the way we went out,” said Rogers. “I’ll always take it with me and it will be close to my heart for sure.” Hammer and Rogers made their way to Hofstra as they represented Flemington while bringing their championship pedigree to Hempstead. Both players received regular playing time under former head coach Patrick Anderson. Back home at Hunterdon Central, Gilbert was preparing for his final year of high school ball before he went to Temple University. In his junior year, Gilbert was named first team all-conference, leading the Red Devils to win the HunterdonWarren-Sussex County Championship. “He was a great kid, he always worked hard,” said Hammer. “He definitely brought a lot of enthusiasm and was a great character; someone you wish you had on your team.” The date was March 12, 2011 and Hofstra was down in Virginia taking on James Madison. “It was our opening conference weekend and our athletic trainer

came into the dugout and told me that my dad wanted to talk to me,” said Hammer. “When he said he wanted to talk to me I knew something was wrong.” “I actually pitched that Saturday and I was just thinking about the game and then I was told my mom and dad wanted to see me,” said Rogers. “My parents are ghosts right after the game. They usually don’t talk to me or see me after the game, especially if I don’t have a good start. I went out there and I saw my mom crying and I knew this was not good.” Gilbert was off to practice at 5:50 AM the day before in his 2008 white Mazda 3 when he lost control of his car entering an uphill curve. The car slid more than 300 feet before striking a tree. Paramedics reported to the scene and found Gilbert breathing. He was airlifted to Robert Wood Johnson Hospital in New Brunswick, but his head injuries were too severe to save his life. He was taken off life support and passed shortly after. He was 18 years old. “I couldn’t believe it,” said Hammer. “I get chills just thinking about him.” “I was just in shock at first,” said Rogers. “I didn’t know what to feel, I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I remember I just went into the dugout and I broke down.”

“Everything around me just stopped.” Away from home and unable to mourn with the community, Rogers and Hammer found solace in their team. “It’s great when you’re not alone and you have someone to talk about this with,” said Hammer. “I remember I just got on the bus and me and him were distraught and everybody just came on the bus and was patting our heads. If we needed anything, they were there.” Hammer takes the field, clad in Hofstra royal blue with one exception; a light blue wristband with Gilbert’s name and number 12 on it. It clashes with Hofstra’s color, but it clashes for a purpose. “We were able to go to the funeral and we got these wristbands,” said Hammer. “I’ve had this on ever since the funeral and I can’t take it off.” “Every time I step on the mound I write his initials on the back of the mound and say a little prayer to him,” said Rogers. “I let him know, ‘this one is for you,’ because I know he’s up there watching me and up there helping me.” Hofstra has recorded one of its best seasons this decade with a 26-17 record and as the Pride nears the end of its season, Hammer and Rogers will continue to find strength from their angel in the outfield.

Cody Heintz/ The Chronicle Hammer has not taken off his light blue wrist band since Gilbert’s funeral.

Photo courtesy NJ.com

Rogers and Hammer lost teammate Kevin Gilbert (above) in a car crash in March of 2011.


A 20 May 3, 2012

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The Hofstra Chronicle: May 3rd, 2012 Issue