CRAP IN THE LIVING ROOM Hi. Welcome. Oh this? You like it? We picked it up at a flea market in Espana. Oh, now that over there has been in my family for years. What can I say? My Mom just loved camouflage! And that, well, I wasnâ€™t not going to hang a plaque to commemorate the final season of The Facts of Life for everyone to see.
We loved T.G.I. Fridayâ€™s so much that we built one in our living room. 9
You know youâ€™re ugly when a naked angel is embarrassed to sit next to you.
When you press the yellow button, you hear Schubertâ€™s Symphony No. 9. Iâ€™m totally kidding. He farts. 11
You should see the can opener.
Itâ€™s half past party time and a quarter â€™til cirrhosis of the liver. And at half past Seagrams, remind me I need to pick up my kids.
Scrub all you want, but you canâ€™t clean OCD.
Jesus playing soccer? Or Jesus being chased by a giant turkey and trying to save a soccer ball? You decide.
I heard through the grapevine that youâ€™ve gotten four DUIs.
He might be smiling, but heâ€™s also thinking about burning the house down.
Do you even realize how many hotdogs you have to eat to earn one of these? I don’t know the exact number, but the answer rhymes with “heart attack.”
It’s just like getting a puppy for your birthday. Except it’s not your birthday. And the puppy is dead.
You think your job sucks? 152
If you donâ€™t put the seat down, Genghis Khan will pillage your house and steal all your scented candles.
Crap at My Parents’ House is a laugh-out-loud celebration of all the weird, odd, and unfathomably tacky stuff that our moms and dads accumul...