April 2018 The Hillsdale Scroll

New Senior Defense Idea Page 2

College Board Brings New Tests Page 3

April 1st, 2018

News In Brief Senior ditch day has been extended to all students and staffulty members: Mark your calendars for June 2nd!

School Wi-Fi power source upgrades from potato to sweet potato for increased sucrose content

A Student’s Take on AP P.E. Page 6

Sandwiches Page 4-5

Website: www.hillsdalescroll.org Disclaimer: The staff at The Hillsdale Scroll is a strong believer of fighting against the fake news and misinformation that plague our media in these modern times. In the spirit of exaggerated, inaccurate reporting, we bring to you our yearly April Fool’s issue. Hope you enjoy reading!

Purpose Of New Building Revealed Jamie Ip Guest Writer

When the new building at Hillsdale was finished, many students were overjoyed. It seemed almost too good to be true—spacious rooms, high quality televisions, working furniture. That’s why it came as a surprise to no one when the Hillsdale administration announced the true purpose of the new building: a solution to the previous rat infestation problem.

“As students may know, Hillsdale has struggled with a rat problem in past years,” says school facilities manager Joe King. “The rats were dirty, littering all over campus, and they kept crawling around in the ceiling. Now, that’s all changed.”

Rather than subject Hillsdale’s sizable rat population to cruel and inhumane treatment, like poisoning, Hillsdale staff has decided to take a more open-minded approach instead: relocation. Mr. King proudly spoke about the decision, describing the administration’s brilliant idea: “For years, we tried so many other alternatives. Cutting off their food supply. Laying traps around campus. Nothing worked. So, we decided, why not try the carrot instead of the stick?”

Hillsdale plans to relocate its entire rat population into the new building sometime by the middle of next year; the process will begin over summer break.

“Hopefully”, says Mr. King, “The rats will

The interior of the new building, where rats will hopefully be educated.

Photo Credit: Henry Gu

be motivated by the fancy televisions and great rooms to move into the new building of their own accord.

We spent a lot of money on those.”

By organizing the rats into a single building, Hillsdale administrators hope to begin the process of civilizing and teaching the rats. “The classrooms in the new building? They were all built for the rats. My dream is that one day we’ll be able to teach these rats how to live in civilization—and help them break out of the difficult lifestyle they’re born into. Living in the ceilings, hunting

for food, running from predators”— King sheds a tear. “It’s a hard life.”

Students have had mixed responses to the news; on one hand, there are those who refuse to share a campus with “dirty rats”. Then, there are those who believe the rats can be taught and work together: “They’re not rats. They’re brodents”, protests senior Lance Chong-Kit in defense of the new freshrat class. In the end, it remains a fact that Hillsdale is an institution of learning; as long as the rats are here, they might as well be forced to go to school.

Seniors Dye Pool Columbia Blue Sean Tjoa Staff Writer

The Hillsdale Scroll prepares to undergo name changes, looking for ideas

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Do you have comments, feedback, letters to the editors, or Requests to Buy an Ad? Contact us at: thehillsdalescroll@gmail.com

At the heart of Hillsdale’s campus lies the pool. Every student at Hillsdale has become familiar with the pool at some point in their lives, most likely during their freshman and sophomore years when they had to swim for P.E. Many people have grown to resent the pool, an everlasting reminder of the pungent stench of chlorine or the freezing cold of first period P.E. Whether it was the wet floor of the locker room or the crazed hustle to change into your clothes before the bell rang, everyone has faced challenges in one form or another because of the pool. It even seems like some seniors at Hillsdale developed a strong grudge against the pool, culminating in a shocking prank.

On March 29th, many people remarked that the Hillsdale pool seemed strange. There was something wrong about the pool’s color. Questions were raised about whether someone had perhaps urinated in the pool, but that was clearly not the case.

Rather than a muddled yellow, the pool’s color was a bright Columbia blue. An eyewitness reported seeing a suspicious group of students dumping contents from a large bucket into the pool early in the

morning before zero period. They were have approved of the prank, happy to dressed in tight morph suits, chanting out see the pool become a symbol of school “Senior prank!” before they clumsily poured spirit. Hillsdale senior Jackson Gilbert a massive bucket filled with blue liquid into exclaimed, “Watching everyone’s reactions the pool. Later in the day, some students to the pool was hilarious!” However, refused to enter the pool on suspicions he noted that he was surprised that the that it was not safe, but the pool was administration was taking the matter so deemed functional for the rest of the day. seriously because “It was just a prank”.

After conducting a thorough Upon being asked why his clothes were test, Mr. Bissell was able to confirm stained blue, he sheepishly mentioned that that the pool was safe to swim in. Mr. he was “experimenting with Kool-Aid”.

Bissell addressed the The Hillsdale pool, before it was dyed blue. concerned students and Photo Credit: Eilleen Zhang relieved their worries saying, “Although the pool water tasted sweeter than it usually does, I found no other abnormalities in the pool.” Nonetheless, the administration is still looking for the culprits.

Principal Gilbert said that this behavior was “inexcusable” and that there would be consequences for those that pulled off this prank. On the other hand, some students

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April 1st, 2018

Club of the Month C l u b N a m e : C a r n i v o re C l u b Advisor: Missed Steak Leadership: Carr Knee Vor President: Ilov Meet Vice President: Ferdinand Wrighter Purpose: Sponsored by the PRFP(Plant Rights for President) association, the Carnivore Club is a group of passionate advocates for plant rights, and is an open community in Hillsdale for all that believe it is unethical to eat fruits, vegetables, grains, and the sort.

Supporters of this cause argue that consuming plants is completely unnecessary because all nutrients needed can be provided through eating meat, and that the ethics of eating plants is unjustified because plants, too, are living and should be our friends, not our food.

Activities: During their lunch meetings, club members experience a variety of stimulating activities; these include: learning to cook meat-only dishes, discussing the ethicality of plant consumption, and organizing rallies and protests against the killing of plants all around the world. The club also reaches out to the Hillsdale community in events like the Meat Heat, a fundraising swim event for the PRFP, and the Plant Rant, a wildly popular debate competition between the Carnivore Clubs of each school in the area.

Where and When? Rm. 435 during lunch on minimum days only Instagram: @thecc thecarnivoreclub@gmail.com

School News School News

thehillsdalescroll@gmail.com

Senior Attack Trial Proposed

Catherine Lange Staff Writer

Ever since its creation, the senior defense project has had mixed reviews from students. In an effort to improve the project, several members of the administration are advocating for the senior defense to become the junior defense instead, and to turn the senior defense into the senior attack.

The move would pit seniors against juniors in a fight to the death. “It’s similar to Battle at Dawn,” explains a teacher who wishes to remain anonymous. “The juniors hide somewhere on campus, and at sunset, the seniors are released. Juniors that remain on campus and survive the night get to graduate the following year.” But what prevents the Senior class from letting the Juniors live as a sign of peace? Seniors will be assigned points based on how many Juniors they manage to dispatch. The Seniors would have to gain a certain amount of points to graduate. Failure to gain enough points would send them to remediation, in which they would go after Juniors who had been injured, but not fully killed in the initial wave. The Senior Attack Trial (SAT) would be instituted next year, with the class of ‘19 pitted against the class of ‘20.

The SAT is admittedly controversial.

Some parents and staff enjoy the emphasis on perseverance, bloodlust and ruthlessness

“so There’s a reason why sports players are successful and glorified later in life. The

primal aggression and willingness to crush the weak in the crucial moment without a second thought on whether they live or die is what’s making them stand out from the rest.”

the attack would encourage. Many argue that a return to primal bloodlust would be invaluable experience for later success.

“There’s a reason why sports players are so successful and glorified later in life. The primal aggression and willingness to crush the weak in the crucial moment without a second thought onwhether they live or die is what’s making them stand out from the rest, explained Ace Ballard, a Hillsdale parent.

Ace went on to elaborate that every real world corporation is a bloodbath, and that the world is a bottomless pit of ambition.

Current seniors Jackson Tintinnabulum, Zach Burger, and Emily Worthage agree that a senior attack “would be so much better than a senior defense,” and junior Emma Casey stated that the SAT “seems pretty fair.”

Even sophomores, including current

—Ace Ballard, parent of three

class president Patrap Lucy, defiantly proclaimed this evening that “The sophomores are clearly the best class.

There’s nothing they can’t do. Just look at the scream contest, and the Hillsdale cup.

I challenge the class of ‘19 to come after us with everything they have next year.”

However, the weaklings, like current sophomore Kathryn Lang, are frightened that “a fight to the death is dangerous, and not what high school should be about.”

When asked about why a fight to the death was preferable to the current situation, a teacher mentioned, “We found that too many people were graduating from high school. As educators, we felt we weren’t doing a proper job weeding out the weak,”

The SAT still has to pass a vote taking place next Thursday, but according to one staff member, “the SAT is inevitable.”

District Board Calls Off Spring Recess

Meddy Andaya Staff Writer

Due to the many minimum days and holidays in the past months, the San Mateo Union High School district has decreed that spring break, originally planned to be from April 2nd to April 6th, is canceled. This is because of the multiple holidays, early dismissals, and staff development days. Some schools in the district have already received this news and canceled all their spring break plans. What did students plan to do over their spring break? Travel to other countries, visit some colleges, study for the AP tests, spend time with their families, hold weeklong smoothie challenges, mess up the sleep schedule, and completely forget about school for a solid week. All these dreams they wished to fulfill over spring break were crushed.

High school students are not ridiculous!” The students and families happy about this news. A sophomore from concerns were ignored by the district board.

Hillsdale says, “I’m angry. I don’t get why The district board is trying to solve they have to cancel our spring break. It’s not the situation and find a solution to calm the fair.” Sarah from Sara High School agrees, students and families but is having a hard saying, “This makes me hate school even time. The board requires all schools to more.” The students are so mad about this announce this cancellation to their students issue that they started to protest against and staff by the end of March. Chris Hank, the district. Multiple banners and posters head of the school board insisted that the were held high up in the air saying that cancellation of spring break is necessary for students want their spring break back. The the students’ learning. He remarks, “This is march started at Curtis St near the park just the way it is. The teachers need to cover and ended in front all the curriculum of the District office. topics needed for One parent from the students.” He added, protest complained, “If spring break “What about our were to happen, family vacation? then students have to We c a n ’t c a n c e l attend extra classes our plans! This is —Sarah, Serra High over the summer.”

“I’m angry. I don’t get why they have to cancel our spring break. It’s not fair.”

Hillsdale welcomes New House: Pyongyang

Anya Lance-Chacko Senior Staff Writer

Due to the increase in the size of next years seniors class, Hillsdale has decided to propose a new house called Pyongyang, after the glorious capital of North Korea. Its tradition of freedom and creativity will allow for students to fully express themselves, which is something Hillsdale truly values.

In their sophomore years students learn about how incredibly influential governments such as that of North Korea’s can be. Underclassmen learn about the history of these thriving totalitarian governments in lower-division, which no doubt instills an excitement in underclassmen students that will probably have them all clamoring to get into the new upper-division house.

“I just can’t wait to be a junior next year,” said one sophomore whose existence has not been confirmed. “I really hope I get into Pyongyang next year. I want to stay at this school for forever.”

Students at Hillsdale are taught about indoctrination and the other powerful methods that Pyongyang’s government uses, and many will no doubt request to be in that house. “I’ve had a million requests from students to be in Pyongyang; many actually request to not be placed in a different house,” said one anonymous counselor.

In this new house, educators hope to use many of the tactics utilized in Pyongyang to create active and productive members of society. Choice in work will be replaced with assigned and increased labor. In Pyongyang, the homework will be, in fact, double that of all the other houses and double what every other school in the state of California requires. Students will have 48 hours of homework in APUSH alone each night, and roughly 24 hours in every other class. In addition, the house leadership has decided to require students to take PE all four years and include military training into the curriculum. Furthermore, Hillsdale will be publishing a new textbook

for a new required class only offered in the new Pyongyang house called “How to be Effective Members of Society.” Students will be taught various skills, such as the importance of finding an enemy (Aragon) and teaching their children to hate that enemy (Aragon). Students will also be required to wear uniforms and bow to their educators, and kneel and bow 5 times to the Administration each day.

“ I h e a r P y o n g y a n g ’s people are extremely happy - so I know our students will be happy too,” nervously whispered a teacher who chooses to remain anonymous while in front of the sign.

Hillsdale believes that the values of discipline that North Korea holds will help to increase the number of graduates for future years. And since the students can’t leave, the new house is guaranteed to be successful and to grow and thrive for years to come!

A poster in the new house!

Image Credit: Anya Lance-Chacko

April 1st, 2018

World News World News

Website: www.hillsdalescroll.org

New Standardized Tests Jamie Ip Guest Writer

standardized system that will determine their future depending on how adept they are at taking tests.” In other words, students will be expected to prepare for and score well on AP Tests, the S.A.T./A.C.T., and F.A.R.T.S., to get into a good college-luckily for students, prep books for each individual F.A.R.T.S. test (as each one covers individual topics) will be sold for merely $99.99 per book. But wait, there’s more! For every book purchased, you can choose to buy a ticket that will allow you an extra ten minutes on the test, for only $19.99!

Students have reacted to the new testing system with overwhelming positivity, exclaiming over the benefits of undergoing yet another series of tests that will inevitably become useless once they graduate. “Another way I can quantify my self-worth in numbers! Yay!”, exclaimed enthusiastic sophomore Joe Czarfunee, who at this moment was taking 6 AP classes and a preparatory SAT class. “I’m very interested in F.A.R.T.S. Although I’ve already invested so much of my time into schoolwork and extracurriculars, I suppose I can spend a few extra hours studying for my F.A.R.T.S. as well, because who needs a life anyway?”, states junior Anita Breake. It appears we can expect students bragging about the scores of their F.A.R.T.S. in the near future.

As the college admissions process becomes more competitive than ever, College Board announced their newest plan for ensuring only the most overqualified kids are allowed into good colleges; the Fairly Accurate Redundant Testing System, also known as F.A.R.T.S. College Board representatives have stated that F.A.R.T.S. will consist of seven tests, taken between eighth and twelfth grade, that will be totally not mandatory. However, a failure to complete these tests will prevent students from getting into college, because how else are college admissions officers supposed to judge you without the crucial knowledge of how well you can memorize the periodic table? Which is, by the way, a required subject for the fourth F.A.R.T.S. There have also been unconfirmed talks about another plan to implement the Standardized High Aptitude Regular Testing System, S.H.A.R.T.S., for grades 1-7, but those plans have yet to be finalized.

Each test in F.A.R.T.S. will cover their own unique mix of topics, ranging from differential calculus to organic chemistry to gender studies. Of course, each test will require a fee-- but College Board is happy to announce that every test will only be $150 for the first try, with every retake $10 cheaper! Each test will only take around 2 hours to complete, so students will be expected to take these tests in their free time, signing up through the College Board website as they do for all other standardized tests. College Board also states that F.A.R.T.S. will not replace AP testing or the S.A.T., but be “an additional system to test the qualifications of The logo of the new F.A.R.T.S. assessment! children using a rigid, Image Credit: Ben Liao

Archaics Gone Missing Eilleen Zhang Editor-in-Chief Interview transcript with RACHEL SANG, PhD and current expert in archaic gods research at Hillsdale.

Q: What are the archaic gods?

A: Umm… We’re not entirely sure, but they are gods and they ARE archaic.

Q: What do the archaic gods do?

A: We’re also not entirely sure about that,

however, we will pay for information. Right now our current goal is to find the archaic gods and we want to ask them to rewrite the laws of science to be less confusing, or possibly disprove them entirely.

Preferably before the AP exams in March.

May? March? I don’t know which one.

Q: Is there anything that you personally gain from talking to, finding, and discovering the archaic gods?

A: It would make my AP Physics exam a LOT easier. *laughs* Also, did you know, you can just tape flyers onto school walls and no one will stop you.

Q: Are there any updates on current archaic gods research?

A: Well, we’ve had a tip that there are current archaic gods in the bubblegum valley in tropical Antarctica. We’re still trying to figure out how to reach them though. Also, apparently if you take five Five-Hour Energy drinks and drink them behind a 7-11 at 1AM, you can fight an archaic god, but there’s also a chance that you’ll meet your shadow self, and you’ll have to beat them in a fistfight, or they’ll replace you.

We haven’t tested this yet but, we plan to.

The archaic gods are out there.

Image Credit: Rachel Sang

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Q: Is there anything else you want to say?

A: Ehh, not really. Thanks for your ongoing appreciation for our search for the archaic gods!

PROM POP UP FINDS GLASS SLIPPER

Mitchell Yu senior Dallas Fiporoy describes. “Everyone Staff Writer knows what Cinderella’s glass shoes are. Of

Cinderella’s lost glass slipper has course we want to take pictures. We want been found at a high school prom clothing to know if it’s real, and we can share [the sale. On March 21st, Hillsdale High School photos] with each other.” He continues, “I held a Prom Pop Up, a place to buy gently was pretty sure we weren’t going to see used formal clothing it for long. I mean, for low prices.

Cinderella can’t be Students wish to dress okay with this, right?” well for the event, so

Tonto contacted Prom Pop Up takes Wa l t Disney place in order to allow Animation Studios students to purchase for how to return the or rent dresses and slipper, and soon, the tuxedos affordably. glass slipper was on The prices can be as its way to Cinderella’s low as single-digit castle in A-tinyvalues for several ties. kingdom-peaceful In the midst prosperous-and-richof such spectacular in-Romance- andbargains and Tradition, Orlando, impeccable haggling, Florida. Princess S e i - J y u t To n t o Ella ‘Cinderella’ almost sold some Cinderella’s crystalline slipper, Charming said in a famous crystal miraculously found at Prom Pop-Up. prepared statement, footwear. As Tonto Photo Credit: www.insidethemagic.net “I cannot fathom was helping sell how our prized glass suits and dresses, a pair of transparent, slipper could have traveled halfway across blue-tinted slippers slipped into the stream ‘United States of America’, but I could of formal attire, and Tonto nearly gave it not have asked for a happier ending. A away. Says Tonto, “I would never thought dream is a wish your heart makes when something like that would end up in the you’re fast asleep. In dreams you lose your [Prom Pop Up]. I was that close to selling heartaches; whatever you wish for, you it for five dollars.” Tonto would have if not keep. And if you dream, then someday for the sharp eye of senior April Pazzo. your rainbow will come smiling through.

Pazzo was looking for a reasonably No matter how your heart is grieving, if priced dress for her evening at the Hillsdale you keep on believing, the dream that you High School prom, A Knight Under the wish will come true. I cannot express in Sea. “I wanted something nice, right? And words my gratitude for the kind peoples they hyped up [Prom Pop Up] so much, so of ‘Hillsdale High School Prom Pop Up’.”

I decided to see if there was something for “I’m just glad it made it back me there.” As Pazzo began to pay for an in one piece.” Tonto expresses relief emerald green dress, she saw a glimmer out in the satisfactory outcome. “Although of the corner of her eye. “So I picked it up, I wonder exactly how the slipper got and what do you know! A glass slipper!” here. You don’t just lose something

Pazzo wasn’t the only one who like that and chalk it up to bad luck. was surprised. “I’ll never forget what it Something’s fishy, don’t you think?” was like,” junior Ostermond de Trottel When asked if they were explains. “It was straight out of a movie, looking into how such an irreplaceable the way it just showed up like that.” He antique was lost, sent to the opposite goes on, “I wish I could have bought it. end of the contiguous United States, I’d probably get it for, like, seven dollars and dropped into a box of gently used and then sell it to someone for a lot more. formal apparel, the Walt Disney Company, I dunno, a glass collector or something.” Walt Disney Parks, Experiences and

“People started crowding around Consumer Products, and Prince Christopher and taking pictures when word got out,” ‘Kit’ Charming declined to comment.

Snapchat Reads Minds

Emily Chang thoughts going through the user’s head at the Staff Writer moment, although the current beta version is Try the newest Snapchat feature: SnapMind! infamous for its hilarious inaccuracies. The

Snapchat has released the biggest next release, in hopefully a couple months, update yet this year with the addition of Snapchat promises a near 80 percent the feature SnapMind. accuracy, which would With advanced facial be a historic breakthrough recognition software not only for technology, and data from a user but also in government base of over 150 million, and medical care. The Snapchat has developed criminal justice system a revolutionary algorithm faces extreme amendment that can read minds based with the obviation of lie on facial expression.User detectors, and doctors feedback has been mixed, are using the feature to but company stocks have better communicate with plummeted with lawsuit the disabled community! after lawsuit for

If Snapchat privacy infringement. Snapchat attempts to make up for new a n n o u n c e s p l a n s

While users changes with their classic dog face filter. to monetize this Photo Credit: Pinterest take a video on feature, it could Snapchat, the feature save the company’s can be activated with the touch of a button. rapidly sinking revenue, and push the Type appears on-screen describing the progression toward ever-greater technology!

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April 1st, 2018

Sandwich Controversies Exposed

thehillsdalescroll@gmail.com

The Hillsdale Scroll Staff: We hold a thoughtful debate on several important sandwich controversies 1) When you cut a sandwich in half, does it hotdog food? I watched an episode of “How which way you slice this! A sandwich must become one sandwich or two sandwiches? It’s Made” focusing on the sweaty, sizzling consist of a top and bottom, with filling, and pups in question. Woweeeee! The playdough- there is no way that more than one sandwich Eilleen’s take: To answer this question we esque mounds of brown mush are more akin can be formed in the given configuration must establish a basic understanding of to the disease-ridden slime of a sewer crevice without using a piece of bread that is not what a “sandwich” truly is: two, WHOLE, than food. The World Health Organization already in the formation of another sandwich. pieces of bread surrounding delicious foods has dubbed hotdogs as a carcinogen, like If the sandwich breads chosen are the top or expertly folded in between. By cutting the cigarettes and asbestos. If you define a bottom two slices, the remaining bread and sandwich in half, the bread has become split “sandwich” as “potentially inedible,” then filling would simply be sandwich extensions. from its true form and order must be restored sure: hotdogs are sandwiches. But if you are If the very top and bottom slices are chosen, in the universe. These two HALVES OF “the realest”, like the great philosopher Iggy there would be one supreme sandwich with SANDWICHES must be recombined while Azalea, then no, hotdogs are not sandwiches. the middle bread constituted into the filling. consuming the foods in order to receive the full nutritional value that you deserve. 3) If you have three layers of bread in your 4) Are burgers sandwiches? hand with stuff in between them, how many Zack Berger’s take: I’m not a sandwich!

Jamie’s take: In the instant that a sandwich sandwiches are in your hand?

I’m a real boy! I have emotions, I have is cut in half, the mythical Schrödinger’s dreams, I have pizazz. Frankly I refuse to sandwich is formed. It is simultaneously both sit idly by as the Deep State government one sandwich and two. Both possibilities perpetuates their human-sandwich exist in a state of quantum superposition; conversion agenda. Join La Revolución! the sandwich has transcended the flux of space and time. This condition lasts until Henry’s take: To get to the heart of this the paradoxical sandwich is observed by the controversial issue, we must first consider external world, at which point it must resolve the definition of a burger. According to itself lest it be winked out of existence.

Wikipedia, “a hamburger, beefburger or Thus, as the cutter comes to a decision on burger is a sandwich consisting of one or the state of the sandwich, the superposition more cooked patties of ground meat, usually collapses into the state that the viewer thinks beef, placed inside a sliced bread roll or bun. of the sandwich as, whether it be one or two The patty may be pan fried, barbecued, or flame broiled.” As we can see, the literal Catherine’s take: Cutting a sand witch in definition of burger contains the word half is a terrible atrocity. How can we stand sandwich, offering irrefutable evidence that a by and allow innocent magic users lose hamburger is indeed a sandwich. Furthermore, their lives? Lettuce come together in this a sandwich is defined as any dish where two crucial time and stop murdering witches! Is this one or two sandwiches? Or maybe or more slices of bread serve as a wrapper or three?? container for another food type. In the case Photo Credit: bbcgoodfood.com 2) Is a hot dog a sandwich? of a burger, the “buns” serve as a “container” (one might even call it a home) for the various Ben’s take: You have two sandwiches! If you vegetables and meats that make up the call the food in your hand only one sandwich, food. In conclusion, a burger is a sandwich. you’re disrespecting the extremely important piece of bread in the middle. I believe that Mitchell’s take: Oh, the burger is definitely food also tastes better if you give it the respect a sandwich. The real question is whether the it deserves, so calling a sandwich with three burger for which you’ve substituted a lettuce pieces of thread only one sandwich will not wrap in lieu of the sesame bun can still be called only make the sandwich less enjoyable for a sandwich. Can lettuce truly be considered you, but for the sandwich as well. It will feel a worthy colleague of the bun? Can the vain, belittled by its title, on the same level as those veiny leaves leave the great but grating grains degrading? No, only the bun shall survive, lowly two-piece sandwiches.

Jamie’s take: You have three sandwiches in and only then shall the burger remain and What do you even call this? hand. There are the two sandwiches created retain the old inspirational designation of our Photo Credit: geniuskitchen.com by the ingredients in between the slices of hearts’ expectations: the title of Sandwich. bread, but one cannot neglect the larger Where was I? Oh, yes, a burger is a sandwich.

Eilleen’s take: Let us examine the typical hot sandwich that encompasses all the ingredients dog: the two-sided bun, with delicately crafted within the outermost layers of bread. By Ben’s take: Ah, the humble sandwich. Two sausage sitting in the middle. Now, under sandwiching two sandwiches together, a wholesome pieces of bread, lots of healthy typical circumstances, this bun would render third and ultimate sandwich is created. greens in the middle, maybe a few slices of this foodly apparatus as something other than ham and some fruit (apples, cranberries, sliced sandwich. However, think about the nature of Mitchell’s take: There are four sandwiches in oranges)... a perfect, healthy meal that you can the bun: the two sides perfectly fit around the your hand. Naturally, there is the one sandwich make at home and take with you on the go. A sausage to provide the perfect combination of formed by the topmost and bottommost layers burger, on the other hand, is usually not very bread, sausage, and condiment. Imagine the of bread. The top and middle layers define healthy, filled with oil, and advertised by how hot dog as an elongated sandwich, connected a sandwich unto itself, and the middle and big the beef patties between the two buns are. bottom layers constitute another sandwich. along one side for safe and secure consumption.

This comes out to three, but the stacking of How could these two different foods, with the top-middle sandwich and middle-bottom such different connotations, be put together Catherine’s take: A hot dog is evidently sandwich around the middle-middle middle under one umbrella? It’s like comparing a steamy canine. A sandwitch is a female of mixed-grain makes the sandwiched graphing calculators and Macbooks; one mage who has undergone a pilgrimage sandwich of sandwiches, the fourth, final can do so much more and be so many more to be one with the beach and in doing formation of fine, favorite, fun family foods. things (while the other is overpriced and only used for school) that it just doesn’t so gains power over small pieces of the earth. I suppose an overheated canine could Emily’s take: You have one sandwich, no matter seem proper to call them both “computers”. attempt this journey, but I cannot recall an instance in which the two are the same.

Emily’s take: A hot dog is clearly a sandwich; by definition a sandwich is some filling surrounded by starch, and hot dogs satisfy the criteria impeccably. Also, per this definition, a crepe is a sandwich and so are dumplings! At the heart of this controversy, though, everything in its essence is a sandwich. We are simply air sandwiches. Earth is a space sandwich.

Zack’s take: I think the real question is, is a

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Sandwiches Sandwiches

Quote of the Month Mr. Loskutoff on the criticism sandwich: “You’d say, ‘Hey Mitch, good job on that test! By the way, your shirt looks like cr**. But I really like that bracelet you’re wearing!’ So you have the nice stuff first, then you shut them down, and then something good again.”

A Sandwich For Hillsdale

Henry Gu Editor-in-Chief

Ingredients:

3 slices of bread 2 scoops blueberry jam 1 tbsp blue cheese 3 oz cooked swordfish filet (optional) 6 oz red meats (the redder the better) 1/4 cup red beets 1/4 cup red tomatoes 1/4 cup sliced carrots 1/4 cup sliced avocados A few pieces of seaweed (from Kyoto)

Preparation & analysis

Here at the Hillsdale Scroll, we have always strived to deliver the most informative and enjoyable content for our readers. We have informed them of school and world news, intrigued them with reviews of restaurants and movies, and entertained them with monthly comics and crosswords.

For this April edition, we have decided to delve into a new realm of journalism: food recipes. This month’s feature will be on the “Hillsdale Sandwich”, a meal guaranteed to be both extremely delicious and nutritious.

To begin the “Hillsdale Sandwich”, one must begin with three slices of bread.

Whether you believe this results in one sandwich or two, the crunch and taste of this trifecta of wheat will be undoubtedly

amazing. Any bread should do the trick, but many of our readers seem to prefer whole grain or ciabatta types. Place the slices sides by side on a flat surface.

Next, layer your vegetables. On the first slice of bread, place tomatoes then red beets. Be sure to use as natural ingredients as possible. Unfortunately, beets today are genetically modified, which may taste better but lack the same natural flavor. Perhaps they should start labelling these GMO foods so that we can tell them apart more easily.

Now for the most important part of any sandwich: the meat. In keeping in with Hillsdale tradition, we want to use as much red meat as possible. Whether it’s beef or pork, put as much as you can onto the second piece of bread. Try to keep it as red as you can, straight from the animal should be perfect. Consider adding swordfish as well for a sharper taste. Once you’re done with all the meat, place the second slice of bread on top of the first. Your sandwich should currently resemble a red lump.

To make the sandwich more appealing, we’ll balance the colors out with some blue food. Spread some blueberry jam on the final slice of bread (did you know that bananas are berries?), then add some blue cheese to strengthen the flavor. Be sure to add some Hillsdale carrots next! Though nobody knows where they come from, they will be a wonderful addition to the sandwich.

Put the final slice of bread on the other two and voila! You have in your hands one or more Hillsdale sandwich(es)! Serve with some seaweed from Kyoto and dig in!

Problems with Prom Ben Liao Editor-in-Chief

Website: www.hillsdalescroll.org

April 1st, 2018

However, seniors soon started to realize that perhaps this change would be beneficial. Seniors who wanted to visit colleges could do so on the weekend of April 14th, when Prom was previously planned. They could also attend some prospective student events that are being held at colleges across the country that weekend. And, finally, after being moved to May 5th, all the seniors at the dance would already have committed to colleges and, as such, would be completely stress-free at the dance. Perhaps it might be a good idea to leave prom in May for future years!

The Hillsdale prom organizers recently announced that the senior class’ bank account had been hacked, and as a result, they needed time to secure all of the money again.

Prom would be moved back to a different day at the same venue, to Saturday, May 5th.

In addition, the prom organizers announced that since the date of prom was changing, the venue no longer had enough resources to support the old theme, “A Knight Under the Sea”. So, the theme of this year’s prom was changed to “A Knight on Bourbon Street”, with a special focus on their signature meatball sandwiches, The classic meatball sandwich, which will served at which will be served at the this year’s prom. dance for party-goers to enjoy.

Photo Credit: Kitchme.com At first, the reaction amongst seniors was overwhelmingly negative. “I already asked my crush and I wanted to go to Prom as our first date, but now that it’s going to be later, I don’t know if she’ll have second thoughts”, said junior Matt Atpom. Prom is also seen by many as the beginning of the end of senior year, so moving it back three weeks feels like extending the difficult middle months of second semester senior year by three weeks.

In-n-Out of Business

Elise Raphael & Julia Richardson Staff Writers

With complaints piling up on social media and taking over the news, the popular burger chain, In N Out, is being forced to close down. Since first opening in October of 1948, In N Out has been a popular choice in fast food restaurants among Californians. Last September, In N Out launched a new vegan burger option, which quickly became popular within the vegan and vegetarian community.

Buyers described the burger as, “the kindest one-of-a-kind option” in the industry, as the burger includes no animal products and maintains a satisfying taste. However, a major outcry sparked when consumers found out that the unique burger is actually made out of watered down, and flavored, cardboard.

Mailing and storage stores began to report cardboard boxes being stolen in the masses as more vegan burgers were sold. One of the managers at the local U-Haul, Hew Paul, was determined to catch the cardboard burglars, or “cardburglars”, as he called them. Paul, “set up cameras in the storage room, hoping to catch the burglar”. After recording multiple robberies, Paul reports having checked the footage, which showed a robber wearing a strangely familiar mask. It was later found that the robber sported a red, palm tree covered, mask that resembled the In N Out

logo. Following the discovery, customers also expressed having had strange food cravings when passing the local U-Haul and other packaging exchange stores after eating the vegan burger. Norma Eggular, a regular consumer of the vegan burger option, has reached out to tell us of her weird experiences during the process of moving into her new home. According to Eggular, “every time [she] picked up a cardboard box, [she] felt an overwhelmingly strong urge to eat a burger.” This incident has surfaced many comments from the public, some even taking an optimistic view. An anonymous student from Burgerlingame High School comments that they, “want to remain positive,” after hearing the news about their favorite burger.

In an effort to try to understand the motives of the In N Out chain, the student explains that, “it was a smart idea, just because it’s something different doesn’t mean it’s bad; [they] never knew cardboard could taste so good.” Those who don’t share the same optimism as the Burgerlingame student, however, are left questioning how such an outrageous ingredient was introduced as a meat alternative. The vegan and vegetarian community is torn between a decision to use an item that could be a revolutionary change in diet or be an insult towards their beliefs.

The iconic In-’N-Out logo will no longer be visible along California highways.

Graphic Credit: Henry Gu

The Buzz Around New Reading Requirement Nicole Valenzuela Staff Writer

The captivating novel series that has been the top bestseller book nationwide, and was also made into a blockbuster movie.

Fifty Shades Of Grey will now also enter the list of the required reads within English classes of high schools, including Hillsdale.

Fifty Shades Of Grey is the first novel of its series from author E.L. James. Many people don’t know that Fifty Shades of Grey all started out as just a twilight fanfiction with the title “Masters of the Universe” before it became an international craze.

Fifty Shades Of Grey is the first novel of its series from author E.L. James. Many people don’t know that Fifty Shades of Grey all started out as just a twilight fanfiction with the title “Masters of the Universe” before it became an international craze. The story focuses on the characters Christian Grey, who is primarily based on Edward Cullen, and Anastasia Steele who is based on Bella Swan.

It is no surprise this new reading requirements is creating a commotion. Some parents are furious and confused. One Hillsdale parent stated her objection, “It’s unfortunate my little boy has to read such vile content. Also my poor boy is up late at night, sometimes until two am, to read this awful mess of a book series!” Others parents support the new reading requirements, “I

think this is a wonderful and whole new step in challenging students as readers; they’re going through puberty anyways.”

Parent responses vary at each school.

Some students also reply with excitement at the new reading books added to the English curriculum. One sophomore exclaimed, “This is honestly… the most exciting thing to happen, I never want to read another page of To Kill a Mockingbird ever again, how refreshing!!! High schools are truly bringing up their game to realize more beautiful masterpieces.” Others revealed their hatred, saying: “Oh my goodness! This is atrocious!

Have you all gone mad?? I have entirely lost hope in humanity and in sandwiches, just when I thought high school couldn’t get even more stressful and disappointing”.

The way these books will be taught is that teachers will ask students to have student-run discussion groups every day, until the books are finished. Special assignments will also be assigned each night, including weekends, writing detailed analysis of paragraphs about each chapter.

So now we are asking you, how do you all as high school students attending HHS feel about knowing that the next upcoming school year you’ll be reading Fifty Shades of Grey as your new reading requirement? Which books do you all think are a much better option and should be added, maybe The Very Hungry Caterpillar?

Advice from

Sky Blue & T-Bone Dear Sky Blue and T-Bone, I’m having trouble coming up with ideas on how to ask the girl I’ve liked for years to prom. I’m a senior, and I really want this promposal to be good, for it to be a memorable memory in the future, hopefully for both myself and my crush. Suggestions on how I should do it, no matter how crazy the idea is?

Sincerely, Desperately Needing Ideas Dear Desperately Needing Ideas, Well, there’s always the option of making a poster, writing a poem, and buying some flowers! If this is your first time asking someone to a dance, it will be memorable no matter what you do. And honestly, as long as it’s not exceedingly cheesy or generic, a poster, poem, and flowers will be really sweet and cute. To make sure it’s not cheesy or generic, try to include some references to inside jokes you might have with your crush, to something that she loves (or hates), or to an activity or class that you both participate in. These tips will make it personal, touching, and meaningful to your crush.

However, if that’s not snazzy enough for you, I have a couple of other, more non-conventional ideas for you.

1) One thing that I’ve always thought would be awesome is to send your crush on a scavenger hunt of sorts. Basically, you give some of her teachers some notes that tell her to go to other places in the school and find more notes. At the end, you prepare something special and surprise her with your promposal. The same advice given above all applies to the actual promposal, but the lead-up would be extensive and would make her appreciate all the effort and planning you put into the promposal.

2) Sit down with your crush at lunch, bringing a couple pieces of plain or white bread and a colorful variety of sandwich ingredients.

Then you say that the bread is plain, lonely, and wanting to be made into sandwich. Just like yourself—lonely and chugging through life, wanting some color in your life, someone to take to prom. Then tell your crush that she would be like the colorful ingredients in the sandwich, in your life; would she be willing to help the plain bread become a sandwich?

And then, if she says yes, then make the sandwich together! That would be fun, right?

Sincerely,

Sky Blue Dear Desperately Needing Ideas, They always say that the way to a person’s heart is through their stomach.

And what’s the most memorable item of food that anyone on this planet has ever consumed? That’s right. Sandwiches. Above all else, a promposal involving sandwiches is sure to capture her heart in a flash.

Sample poster lines include: Lettuce go to Prom, I’ll Ketchup with you at Prom, I want to go to prom with you from my head tomatoes, Olive my sandwich belongs to you, I’d be in a pickle if I didn’t go to prom with you, and I’ll be your Breadwinner at prom. The not-so-subtle references to pieces of bread surrounding various insides will allow her to reminisce about the idyllic times you’ve had together in the past, frolicking in the grass and eating only the best of sandwiches. These memories will ensure that your long-awaited promposal goes well when you finally do it.

Sincerely,

T-Bone

6

April 1st, 2018

Editorial Editorial

thehillsdalescroll@gmail.com

Thoughts on AP Physical Education Bathrooms Andrew Chang Senior Staff Writer

Hillsdale High School has joined the score of California high schools offering the new AP Physical Education Curriculum.

The thinking is simple: embarrassingly few Americans have even the most basic knowledge with regards to fitness, nutrition, and general health. More importantly, an estimated 17% of youth in the United States are medically obese, as measured by the 2011-2012 National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey2. The AP P.E. aims to improve public health by fostering a generation of students who are well-informed about the biology, anatomy, and physiology concepts relevant to general health and wellness.

Here are a couple of sample questions released by the College Board: PHYSIOLOGY: The size principle states that: A) Muscle fiber recruitment order is determined by motor unit size B) Slow-twitch muscle fibers are recruited first C) Fast-twitch muscle fibers are recruited first D) Both A and B D) Both A and C Which of the following neuropeptides are involved in appetite regulation: A) Leptin B) Ghrelin C) Insulin D) Neuropeptide Y E) All of the above

ANATOMY: Identify the following: A) Teres Major B) Latissimus Dorsi C) Trapezius D) Serratus Anterior E) Erector Spinae

The College Board’s AP P.E. test evaluates students’ ability to apply their knowledge in a practical setting. Specifically, it requires students to adopt the role of healthcare professionals and consider the appropriate treatment for theoretical patients.

Furthermore, students are expected to demonstrate a solid understanding of the principles of clinical trials, systematic reviews, and meta-analyses.

The following free response questions illustrate the degree of mastery necessary t o s u c c e e d i n t h e A P P. E . e x a m .

FREE RESPONSE: Respond to the following prompts: A) Casey Davidson, age 25, hopes to transition to a vegan diet. Describe the dietary and supplemental considerations that he should take into account.

B) Coach Mao hopes to improve the

performance of his high school badminton team. He understands the importance of progressive resistance training for general strength development, but he worries about a potential interference effect. Explain how he would implement autoregulation strategies in his athletes’ resistance training programs.

C) Shafiee et al. reported an estimated 10% prevalence of sarcopenia in men and women aged 60 years or older3. Read the systematic review, look at the results of the meta-analysis, and provide an overall bias assessment.

Hillsdale’s is the first school in the San Mateo Union High School District to offer AP P.E. Student interest is greater than any other AP course offered at Hillsdale. In fact, in the 2018-2019 school year, Hillsdale may actually host AP P.E. for other students from Aragon High and San Mateo High. This shouldn’t be surprising, given that a recent survey indicated that over 80% of sophomores at Hillsdale would choose to take P.E. for all four years, if given the option1.

Works Cited 1 Liao, Ben. et al. “Physical Education Interest in Bay Area Adolescents.”

Gu Journal of Gastroenterology 120.3 (2018): 15-21. PMC. Web. 6. Mar. 2018.

2 Ogden, Cynthia L. et al. “Prevalence of Childhood and Adult Obesity in the United States, 2011–2012.” JAMA 311.8 (2014): 806–814. PMC. Web. 6 Mar. 2018.

3 Shafiee, Gita et al. “Prevalence of Sarcopenia in the World: A Systematic Review and MetaAnalysis of General Population Studies.”

Journal of Diabetes and Metabolic Disorders 16 (2017): 21. PMC. Web. 2 Mar. 2018.

Lack of Boxes Plagues School Eilleen Zhang Editor-in-Chief

As the dreary winter months transition into warm spring, more and more students are becoming afflicted with seasonal allergies such as hay fever. It is at this time of heightened need that students must highlight a principal concern in their school day: whether a classroom provides tissues or not. For those who cannot understand, imagine their predicament: a student wakes up in the morning, ready to take full advantage of their great educational opportunities.

But the second they leave the door, it is as if their nasal cavities have been attacked and flooded, immediately beginning to run at the very touch of pollen. In full misery, they endure the journey to Hillsdale, desperately awaiting the moment that they can blow their nose into a soft, inviting piece of disposable textile. Imagine their devastation when, upon eagerly entering the classroom, their scanning eyes realize that there are, indeed, no tissues in the classroom. This is a pressing issue that many students face every day in their lives.

Having high quality tissues in every classroom is unspeakably important to the learning environment. First, having tissues relieves the stress that students face in the classroom every day. Instead of worrying about how to control their mildly rampaging allergies, they can learn in peace knowing that a fresh tissue is only a few

steps away. Second, tissue boxes obviously provide a high level of health safety within a classroom. By simply having a tissue box in the corner, the Healthfulness aura emitted by the legendary-rank item allows the classroom to level up the Sanitary statistic by three points. Third, tissue boxes are a valuable weapon for teachers to use in the battle against disease and sniffles. If our teachers are afflicted, who will be left

extend this call to the whole school at the beginning of each semester into a “Tissue Collection Ceremony”. Teachers should offer extra credit to incentivize students and maximize tissue output. A majestic tower of tissue boxes should be erected in the Great Court, with special waterproofing and windproofing structures placed to protect the school’s tissue treasures. Another step is to bring the responsibility back to the students. Students need to motivate themselves to bring their tissue boxes to school and contribute to the ceremony. In addition, students should be the ones to claim individual tissue boxes from the school’s inventory for their own classrooms. Cooperation and coordination between students and staffulty must be at peak levels to ensure that this urban machine of tissue distribution remains functional.

A tower of tissue boxes can become reality.

True respect for the Photo Credit: Ben Liao tissue boxes that govern to to teach? More importantly, who will be students’ lives must be restored, perhaps there to frequently restock our classrooms even considering monthly, weekly, or with the crucial tissues that sustain students? daily celebrations of the tissue boxes Obviously, our classrooms cannot go around the school during advisory. without these small parcels of salvation.

Tissue boxes are like the keystone

Many crucial initiatives must species of the school ecosystem; completely take place to ensure that every student has unlike the ramp’s ignorable friction; access to the tissues they need. In the past, totally like the heat that is emitted from some teachers have called for students every reaction. Without tissue boxes, to bring in their own tissue boxes at the we are incomplete. Please, join today in beginning of the school year, effectively the movement to restore tissue boxes to stockpiling all the tissue paper they need classrooms across our deprived campus. for the rest of the school year. We need to

Ben Liao Editor-in-Chief

In past years, walking into the campus bathrooms, especially toward the end of the day, was always an unpleasant experience. The floor would usually be very wet from people wringing their hands directly onto it, the stalls would smell and look bad for certain unflattering reasons, and on rainy days the floor would be covered in tree leaves and dirt. However, the bathroom conditions this year seem to have gotten vastly better, with students taking care of the bathrooms and being considerate for the custodians who used to clean up the mess after school every day. With the improved conditions, perhaps Hillsdale’s maintenance staff can be reassigned to other jobs because they no longer need to do the horrible job of preparing the restrooms for the next day at school.

Students are showing a newfound initiative to help keep the bathrooms tidy.

In a new study, recently conducted and then released by a few Hillsdale students, it was noted that the bathroom floors stayed dry through the day and had, on average, one more piece of trash on the ground per day the bathroom wasn’t cleaned by the utility workers. In addition, no evidence of body waste was found on the floors at any point during the course of the weeklong study. Of course, it is not possible for the floors to have stayed this clean without outside intervention; it indicates that students were the ones who were responsible for the bathroom’s sustained cleanliness. This is conclusive evidence that students at Hillsdale truly care about not only their own hygiene but also the hygiene of their peers. Now that students are doing the job of the custodians in past years, it should be clear that the district should move them to where more help may be needed in keeping the campus clean.

Even the custodians themselves are speaking out about the improvements. Joe King, a member of the maintenance staff who appears frequently in the Scroll, told us that he was “amazed at the ability for the students to treat the bathrooms with respect” and that he “never thought this day would come”, referring to the day that he would have to spend less than 30 minutes cleaning up the boys’ bathroom in Sir Cedric’s court. His statements are well-corroborated among other staff interviewed as well.

I n c o n c l u s i o n , H i l l s d a l e ’s unhygienic bathrooms are now a thing of the past. Students take responsibility with the upkeep of their bathrooms, eliminating the need for custodians to spend hours after school cleaning, disinfecting, and rinsing them after school every day. Perhaps there is now time to work on something else… like if the school asked them to fix the faucets in the bathrooms once and for all…

A common sight after school, no longer necessary once students start taking responsiblilty.

Photo credit: Ben Liao

April 1st, 2018

Entertainment Entertainment

Spongebob Ending Julia Chen Senior Staff Writer

one-of-a-kind laugh, parents are simply fed up hearing it in their house for hours on end. They claim that no one in the house can focus when the laugh is echoing through the rooms.

What’s worse is when their children begin to mimic the laugh. One parent complained that her son randomly interrupted peaceful dinners with abrupt “dahahaha”. Another parent, a mother to three children, angrily told the producers that she has been listening to the annoying laugh for over 15 years and it’s time for it to stop. However, Spongebob cannot simply stop laughing. What makes him so special is his unique laugh.

Spongebob Squarepants is an iconic figure for But at the same time, the company people of all ages. couldn’t afford to keep getting so Photo credit: Encyclopedia Spongebobia many parents’ complaints. Therefore, the obvious conclusion the producers

We all know who lives in the pineapple under the sea: Spongebob came to was to just end the show altogether.

Another major factor that has led to Squarepants. Spongebob has been around the show’s end is voice actor Tom Kenny’s for almost twenty years, bringing laughter inability to continue voicing Spongebob. and joy to people of all ages through its Considering how unnaturally high pitched hundreds of episodes. Spongebob seemed and squeaky Spongebob’s voice is, it’s like one of those timeless things; after all, no surprise that it’s a difficult voice to how could a show about such an iconic recreate.

Tom Kenny, now 55-years-old, has sponge end? Sadly, we were wrong. A expressed concern in his ability to continue few months ago, a tweet from the official using such a high voice. He has stated that Spongebob twitter account was shared his many years of being Spongebob has stating that the show would be ending worn out his voice. Kenny can no longer on April 1, 2018. The tearful picture of effortlessly create the Spongebob voice as he Spongebob attached reflected the reactions did years ago. With this, the producers have of its millions of worldwide viewers. The decided to close the curtains for Spongebob. thought of no longer hearing the opening Considering how much time and effort it theme and Spongebob’s annoying laugh on took to find a voice actor for Spongebob TV broke the hearts of children and adults to begin with, the more reasonable from all around the world. However, not choice seems to be to just end the show. everyone was sad about the show’s ending.

Many viewers have followed

For such a popular, beloved show Spongebob through all his adventures to end, there must’ve been a good reason. from his first day under the sea to his final Whether there was is debatable. The goodbye. There have been various rumors producers of Spongebob have been getting of Spongebob ending in previous years but thousands of complaints from parents for unfortunately, it isn’t just a rumor this time. years about how obnoxious Spongebob’s Spongebob has had a long and extraordinary laugh is. While children love Spongebob’s run but sadly, it has come to an end.

Mom, Phineas and Ferb are Making a Musical!

RJ Dadivas Staff Writer

agent, saving the tri-state area from the evil scientist, Professor Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

In this exciting phenomenon, Phineas and

After 4 seasons of building, 133 Ferb once again knows what they’re going to episodes of action-packed platypuses, and do today: one giant virtual reality simulator 104 days of summer vacation, childhood in the whole Tri-State Area. However, Agent favorites Phineas and Ferb, are back at it P must stop the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz again with the great inventions. The lovable from flooding the Tri-State Area in order duo decided to take their plan another step to sell his brand of towels: Doof ‘n Poof. forward and try something bigger. Next

Dan Povenmire and Jeff “Swampy” thing to do today: do it all on Broadway.

Marsh, the creators

For a of Phineas and simple recap: Ferb, have decided Positive and to team up with the energetic Phineas, composer of The and his quiet stepEmoji Musical, brother, Ferb, are Manis Morales. two simple kids Their interview who do bizarre was reported on the creations all in their Dingledorp Post. backyard, while “It’s an absolute they avoid their pleasure for Phineas and Ferb pose with Perry. older, tattletale him to join us,” Photo Credit: Fanpop sister of theirs, proclaimed Dan. just to spend their “At first, we were going for the people time on their summer vacation. With the who did Disney on Ice, but Jeff was help of their friends: the loveable girl scout, thinking more musically, since there was Isabella, the ingenious brainiac, Baljeet a lot of singing involved in our show.” and the tough bully, Buford, anything can

Fans were loving the idea possibly happen. Meanwhile, Phineas and that one of their childhood idols we’re Ferb’s loveable pet, Perry, secretly escapes coming back, only this time, it’s onstage. his normal day life into the life of a secret

7

Website: www.hillsdalescroll.org

Monthly Horoscope Anya Lance-Chacko Senor Staff Writer

Ever wondered if you could look into the future? Well, wonder no more with the Hillsdale Scroll’s expertly and credible interpretation of what the stars are trying to tell us every night.

(Photo Credit: www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com)

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Ophiuchus

You may find yourself suddenly beneath a large rock, but that’s ok--you’re optimistic.

Sorry about the world flooding- - we don’t know if cows can swim (see Pisces). But you’re also very good at singing, so perhaps you can moo while you float? … Many of you Tauri end up being architects, so I’m sure you can build something.

You won’t be able to get “Havana” out of your head, but you won’t mind ‘cause you like music and march to the beat of your own drum anyway. See? You’re humming it now.

You won’t fall in love with a stranger today (or ever) ‘cause you dislike strangers and vehemently avoid them with a dying passion. Have fun crawling back into your shell (of blankets). Doritos will be your faithful companion.

By the end of this week you’ll be the last person on earth. Sorry about not ever having an audience again, Mx. Performer.

Today you’ll fall into a pile of mud.

Happy Birthday!

Tomorrow you’ll have to make a decision. [Shocking!! Unprecedented!!]

Good luck with that.

Shh, don’t tell any Leos ...turns out we predict you’ll be the last person on earth, which is pretty sad, but at least you’ll always be the correct one in the room, and there won’t be anyone to be resentful towards.

You’ll have a paper marked down for lacking details.

Tomorrow will be a normal day and you will hate almost everything at some point.

Tomorrow every sentence you speak will be disagreed with. Sorry.

Today is the reenactment of the Great Flood, but it’s OK,you can swim with the power of two fish. But they’re swimming in opposite directions. So I don’t know, maybe your feet will kick one way and your arms will swim backstroke. Who knows? Good luck with that.

Today’s the day you come out of your hibernation to establish your true dominance as the 13th astrological sign.

Gone are the days when you slept in cowardice, afraid to show yourself! Go forth and be free!

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Entertainment Entertainment

April 1st, 2018

thehillsdalescroll@gmail.com

April Crossword ACROSS:

1: Thank you in Paris 4: Homework assignment in Seine 7: Informal for bathroom in Liverpool 8: The air we breathe, for example 10: Center of an atom 12: Not affirmed 14: Third largest state in U.S. 16: Mangers oversee training and schedule of employees 17: Flowing in a Bach suite 18: Extreme response to something funny in Android 20: Rice cooked in seasoned broth 21: Elemnt which often forms electron sextets instead of octets 24: With the strength of Tchaikovsky 25: Hue in Norwich 26: Controller of music at dances 27: Keyboard and screen for comp.

29: Railroad abbr.

31: To purify a liquid by vaporization in California 32: Generally synth. music that people rave to 34: Upper limb 35: Ice crystals in the winter months of Berlin 36: A dreaded time consumer in Managua

DOWN:

1: Simian in Seville 2: Equipment used to play tennis in London 3: Polite addition to a command on iOS 4: Twice in Santiago 5: Photo-sharing pltfrm.

6: Farm generally for tending animals in Oaxaca 9: Flying high across the sky, like eagles 11: Pressed bean curd food in Shanghai 13: Hillsdale Scroll does every month 15: Daucus carota in Phoenix 19: Loose clothing similar to a cloak in New York 20: God of nature and wilderness in Athens 21: A joke in Santiago 22: Glean information from symbols on paper 23: Stop remembering in Saint-Étienne 24: Deep inlets from the sea in Oslo 26: Urgent, desperate 28: Soul/heart in Madrid 30: Modern close friends are babies?

31: Place where automobiles meet gvmt.

33: Button which forgets in Calculator?

Comic of the Month!

April Polls

Polls opened 3/20 - 3/27; 267 respondents. Ask your advisor if you weren’t able to respond to the poll!

Monthly Dose of Puns • • • •

How do you congratulate a hammer for doing a good job?

Nailed it!

What sound does an airplane make when it bounces? BoeingBoeing-Boeing Why did the price of balloons go up? Inflation People who play Minecraft are blockheads.

Editors-InChief: Ben Liao Eilleen zhang Henry Gu Advisor: Ms. Mylan

• • •

Advertisement

What do you do when you see a space-man? You park your car, man.

Did you hear about the guy who was suprised by a lightning bolt? Yeah, he was shocked.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Senior Staff Writers: Julia Chen Andrew Chang Anya LanceChacko Esha Kher Staff Writers: Olivia Umstead Meddy Andaya RJ Dadivas Elise Raphael

Julia Richardson Sean Tjoa Mitchell Yu Catherine Lange Emily Chang Samuel Chen Zahra Khan Breen Mee Nicole Valenzuela Photographer:

Elizabeth Donovan

The advertisement to the left is a real advertisement, and not a part of the April Fool’s theme of this newspaper issue.

The Hillsdale Scroll is published by Hillsdale High School’s journalism club.

All views, opinions, and editorials are representative of the Scroll staff and are not necessarily those of Hillsdale High School’s administration, staff, or student body.

Advertisements are not representative of the opinions of the Scroll staff.

Thank you for reading.

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