Relaxing the Mind
Kayla Santiago-Snyder used meditation to overcome social anxiety by Shaniya Markalanda
Soft folk music fills the confined and “safe” space, putting her at ease. Kayla Santiago-Snyder comfortably meditates in her closet, calming herself and connecting to the rest of the universe. According to Santiago-Snyder, meditation is a way to find ONE’S true self. “It’s kind of one of those things where you should just relax and clear your mind, but I don’t really believe in that,” SantiagoSnyder said. “I don’t think it should be about clearing your mind, although I do encourage meditation. I think it’s more about connecting and finding yourself.” During meditation, Santiago-Snyder likes to compare everyone’s mind to a star. “The way I see things, it’s like everybody’s mind is like a star and it burns really bright. So when you meditate, you fume the air around you. You feel the weight of it and you feel the surface of your own skin,” Santiago-Snyder said. “It’s like you acknowledge all these things and you begin to erase those boundaries. You connect yourself with the rest of the universe.” Santiago-Snyder reaches a state of peace by picturing an orb of light or herself on a chalkboard. “I say this thing and everyone laughs at me--you breathe in the sunlight and you breathe out the ash. I just like to picture this orb of light and I inhale it then I exhale the ash through my body, and once it’s filled me, once I can picture it, I reach this state of being very tranquil,” Santiago-Snyder said. “Another way I like to do it is I like to picture myself on a chalkboard and somebody just erasing that and then it’s like I’m just one.” When Santiago-Snyder was diagnosed with social anxiety as a sophomore, meditation was introduced to her as a way to deal with things. “Meditation has helped me cope with my anxiety a lot. It’s different for everyone, but for me, when I first experienced that sense of tranquility, I never felt more like
14 . FEATURES
myself,” Santiago-Snyder said. “When I do meditate I just feel like me. It reminds me of who I am and it reminds me that yes, I do have social anxiety and there are things that are wrong with me, but these flaws, everyone has them. We’re not beautiful in spite of them; we’re not beautiful because of them. We’re beautiful and they’re just there.” According to Santiago-Snyder, meditation has helped her accept herself and understand that she is not alone. “Meditation helped me cope with my social anxiety because it reassured me that I’m not wrong. Usually when you get a mental illness, or in my case, you kind of feel alienated and isolated. You feel like ‘oh my god, I’m the only one.’ But you’re not, and you’re not wrong;
you’re fine,” SantiagoSnyder said. “I understand that I’m not as alone as I felt because we’re all connected. We all have flaws and people aren’t going to knock you down for something you can’t help.” Santiago-Snyder feels meditation has
helped her realize the “inherent good” in people. “I always thought that people would think that I was a creep, but they’re just like, ‘oh, that’s all right.’ They’re very considerate about it. I never would have tried to meet people and go and take leaps if I hadn’t accepted the fact that we’re all one. Because of meditation I’m more open to people and opportunities,” Santiago-Snyder said. In addition to making her more open, Santiago-Snyder feels meditation has helped her control her temper. “I don’t really get angry anymore, I just get irritated now. I used to get angry a lot and I think it’s because I was just unhappy. Now I never get angry, it’s just mild irritation with the world around me. Meditation has m a d e me a happier person,” Sa n t i a go-Snyder said. R o chelle Santiago, SantiagoSnyder’s PHOTO BY JUSTIN LEE mother, agrees that meditation helps Santiago-Snyder to deal with her anxiety. “I’m not really involved in Kayla’s meditation, because we as a family believe that that is something more personal to her. But I
do believe her when she says that it helps her remember who she is and that it helps her cope with her anxiety,” Rochelle said. Santiago-Snyder meditates according to how stressed she is. “I usually meditate every morning. I wake up at four and sometimes I wake up more stressed than others,” Santiago-Snyder said. “When I’m really stressed out, I meditate for like an hour. It’s like I connect to everything around me or at least I try to, and it’s this feeling of utter completion, I just feel whole again.” When Santiago-Snyder feels “whole again,” she then thinks about herself as a person. “When you achieve that connection, you then can reflect in on yourself and you’re like ‘okay, why am I feeling so anxious today?’ And then you can help yourself,” SantiagoSnyder said. “That’s what I think meditation is supposed to do. It’s supposed to not only connect you to with everyone around you, but also anchor you to who you are, so you can begin trying to evolve as a person.” Although Santiago-Snyder feels meditation can help evolve as a person, she believes it is not for everyone. “I think it’s for specific people because a lot of people take meditation as a joke and I understand why they do. I would like to recommend it--ideally I think everyone should meditate--but I know that they won’t and I don’t think everyone should. If you’re open to meditation, go for it,” Santiago-Snyder said. Since starting meditation, Santiago-Snyder has felt more at peace. “Meditation is a very introspective thing, so I feel like it gives me a sense of calm,” Santiago-Snyder said. “I’m more at peace. There’s so much more peace in my world and it allows my to take a step back. I know just breathe in and breathe out. It’s like how I like to say, ‘Breathe in the sunshine, breathe out the ash, and just continue your life.’”
ILLUSTRATION BY ANGELA KIM