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That's why when my friend Eliza pulled a deck of tarot cards out of her backpack one night in 2017 at the end of our trip to Southeast Asia, I instinctively doubted. I went through a lot during those two weeks, learning what a psychiatrist later told me was an undiagnosed long-term mental illness, but at the time I felt like the chaos was over. end. engulfed my life for a long time. : Every day I go through a series of emotions very quickly, boarding a two-hour flight from Cambodia to Vietnam with a bright smile and then when I returned to Hanoi, I cried so much that a flight attendant don't run away. rushed over to me with a tissue.

I could be kicked out of the gay community for what I'm about to write, but I've never flirted like that. Sure, I've been to several crystal shops over the years (I used to live in LA anyway, where if you don't have a rose quartz in your bra you're basically nobody. ), and I stock up on frankincense as if it's going to be old-fashioned, but that's more to combat the daily clutter in my apartment than anything else. On the other hand, I don't know my moon or rising sign and I don't

put as much faith in the power of positive thinking as your average Goop readers would suggest that I should.

If my mind had been clearer, I could have skipped Eliza's attempt at tarot readings, but as it went on, I could barely express my displeasure before I found myself shuffling the deck ( to “take your energy” on the cards,” as Eliza said It). She asked me to choose three cards one representing my past, one my present, and one my future and as she read their meanings from the handy guidebook that came with her deck, I was shocked to find myself... appeased? The predictions of the cards were hazy, but I remember drawing a Star, which represented hope something I desperately needed at the time. I feel like I've been running for too long, trying to get through day after day with no direction or way to make my struggle meaningful. Although they are ingrained in a mystical culture that I have long rejected, the cards provide an antidote.

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