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Two of his friends recently got engaged, and I find myself reacting to the news with dread. We’re expecting another wedding invitation soon. Is there any way I can tell my boyfriend I don’t want to go? I feel like a terrible girlfriend. But I don’t like them. The irony is, I don’t think he likes them either. He just feels like he has to go. I know you, and I’ve been there. Let’s be honest, there’s only one thing straight people like more than Friends and Mr. Brightside by The Killers, and that’s attending each other’s weddings. I remember discovering this truth a few years ago when I was dating a straight guy and hanging out with his college friends. Like you, my own social scene has much more diverse romantic lives and very different priorities. Sure, some people are married, but the weddings are few and far between, and most are private. For the uninitiated, groups of friends where large weddings are the norm can be a culture shock in exactly the way you describe. An expensive shock.
I don't drink either, so I know firsthand how challenging a wedding can be for the social battery: it's a whole day of small talk with people you don't know very well, who tend to get drunker as
time goes on. I say this to reassure you that there's nothing wrong with hiding in the bathroomsounds perfectly normal to me! I just want to pause for a moment about your fears of not being too weird to be liked by his friends. I haven't seen any of you interact, but it's possible that you might be projecting a little onto his friend's girlfriend. I know it's annoying (not our type of annoying) and a little crazy that many straight friend groups seem to intuitively divide so that women and men are equally drawn to each other, but if you're going to be in this relationship, these are the women you're going to see a lot of. Unless you have specific examples of rudeness or alienation, I recommend giving them the benefit of the doubt. What's to stop you from suggesting something everyone can do together? You might be surprised by the results, and even if you're not, you'll have the smugness of someone who also took a moral high ground and made an effort alongside your partner's friends.
All my other girlfriends seem to know each other. I feel like they don't really like me. The only girlfriend I really connected with got dumped by his friend recently, and I feel devastated, because she was my social lifeline. But I have my own friends too and I don't understand why I have to put up with my boyfriend's friend's girlfriend. Sometimes I feel like because I'm bisexual, I don't really fit in with them. I feel like I'm too weird, too weird, too eccentric in their eyes.
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