The Rainbow Rose Caper The Rainbow Rose Caper
A Mystery Solved in Five Scenes Setting
Created by the artists of The Goose Creek Theater Workshop
Detective’s Office
THE RAINBOW ROSE CAPER
SCENE 1
Setting: In a Detective’s Office
BIG DILL. There! Done for the day. And now, to go home and rest.
Knocks on the door. BIG DILL sighs.
BIG DILL. Sorry, we’re closed.
Knocks on the door
BIG DILL. No one’s home.
Knocks on the door
BIG DILL. Leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeeeep.
MRS. ROSE (From off) Please. I’m desperate. I need your help.
BIG DILL. Hmmm… how desperate?
MRS. ROSE I heard you’re the best. You’re the Big Dill.
BIG DILL. I am the Big Dill. But I’m also done for the day.
MRS. ROSE. I’ve got money. I can pay!
BIG DILL opens the door and MRS. ROSE rushes in.
MRS. ROSE. Thank you!
BIG DILL. Well, whenever you’re in a pickle, you can always come to Big Dill.
MRS. ROSE. That’s what I’ve heard. That’s why I’m here. I just didn’t know where else to go.
BIG DILL Now you’re here, tell me about it.
MRS. ROSE. Just now, just earlier. The strangest thing happened to me.
BIG DILL. Go on…
MRS. ROSE. My most prized possession has gone missing. My Rose.
BIG DILL. A rose?
MRS. ROSE. Not just a rose. MY rose. My rainbow rose.
BIG DILL. A rainbow rose.
MRS. ROSE. Mrs. Rose’s Rainbow Rose of Revelry
BIG DILL. Riiiight…
MRS. ROSE. Many years ago -
A group of pantomimes enter One holds a sign that says “Many Years Ago”
MRS. ROSE. I was lost in the woods. I’d been traveling with friends, but we got separated. As night fell, it got colder I was scared. And hungry And alone. Another day came, and went. I still had no idea which way to turn. I fell into despair I thought I might just be alone forever
When suddenly, a bright glimmer appeared ahead of me. I crawled weakly toward it. And as I reached into the shimmering rainbow, my hand grasped a rose. The second I closed my fingers around its stem, my heart felt light. Happiness washed over me. And I suddenly had the strength of spirit to keep going. I no longer felt lost. I just felt glad to be moving. I enjoyed the woods, and the adventure. And I just kept walking, full of merriment, until I reached a town I’d never seen before. With all the nicest people living there. And they help me reach my friends. We threw a party to celebrate.
This rose, Mrs. Rose - that’s me - Mrs. Rose’s Rainbow Rose of Revelry. It is a powerful thing. And now it's gone.
BIG DILL. Wow.
MRS. ROSE. Do you think you can help me?
BIG DILL. First I have to process the fact that a magic rose exists.
MRS. ROSE. Right, of course.
BIG DILL. So, when did you notice it had gone missing?
MRS. ROSE. Only hours ago.
A group of pantomimes enter. One holds a sign that says “Only Hours Ago”
MRS. ROSE. I was on my stoop watering my flower boxes. All was right in the world. My mother and sister were visiting, and they came outside to tell me dinner was ready Mom made my favorite meal, Rosemary Chicken Casserole. It’s delicious, if you’ve never had it. She makes it with a soft biscuit layer on top /
BIG DILL Sure. Can we get back to the missing rose?
MRS. ROSE. Right. We were standing out front when suddenly I heard glass break inside. We ran in to see what was the matter The glass case that holds my Rainbow Rose, was shattered on the floor Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of Black and White dashing out the living room window I was frozen in fear! Someone - or something - had been in my home! There was more commotion outside from the alley Finally, when the noise faded away, we dared to go out there. Where we found a trail of candy wrappers. Leading straight to a bag.
BIG DILL. A bag?
MRS. ROSE. This bag!
She holds up a black and white tote bag. It has a panda face on it.
BIG DILL. Very strange. It’s full of candy. And… stolen IDs. Drivers Licenses, and passports. Dozens of them.
MRS. ROSE. Surely there is enough evidence here to lead you to the thief.
BIG DILL. More than enough. Even for a detective half as skilled as Big Dill.
MRS. ROSE. I’m so glad to hear it.
BIG DILL. But I will need help. And I know just who to turn to…
SCENE 2
LIL PICKLE. Look what the cat dragged in.
BIG DILL. Or, maybe you should say… “Panda”.
BIG DILL holds up the tote bag.
LIL PICKLE. What trouble are you bringing my way now?
BIG DILL. A new case. And I need your help, Lil.
LIL PICKLE. Why me?
BIG DILL. I have a feeling this one’s going to get a little… wild. No one’s better than Lil Pickle when things get hairy
LIL PICKLE. That’s the truth.
BIG DILL So you’re in?
LIL PICKLE. Nope. I’m out.
BIG DILL Come on! I’ve got a paying customer this time!
LIL PICKLE. It’s not about the money, Dill. It never is. And you know it! Though, goodness knows you owe me the money, too.
BIG DILL. Oh, geez, are you still sour over the Canada thing?
LIL PICKLE. The “Canada Thing”?! It was a nightmare!
BIG DILL. I knew it! You’re never going to let this go. It was an accident.
LIL PICKLE. I spent 3 MONTHS in jail! Because of you.
BIG DILL. I’m sorry. Okay! I’m sorry.
LIL PICKLE. Shove your sorrys in a sack, Dill.
BIG DILL. Okay. Okay. I hear you.
Silence for a long moment.
BIG DILL. So will you help me with this case or not?
LIL PICKLE. Not!
LIL PICKLE storms away.
BIG DILL. And the Big Dill stands alone. I’ve handled worse. Sure I had Lil Pickle with me. But… I’ve got this. I’m a Big Dill! I’ve…got this…
BIG DILL stares at the Panda Bag.
BIG DILL I just need my first break.
Continues staring at the bag
BIG DILL There’s a panda on the bag. A panda. Panda bears. Where are there bears…?
Taking out a cell phone
BIG DILL Rosie. Be a doll and meet me at the Zoo?
SCENE 3
MRS. ROSE. What are we doing here?
BIG DILL. A lineup.
MRS. ROSE. You’ve found a suspect already?
BIG DILL. Even better. I found a whole exhibit full of them.
MRS. ROSE. I don’t get it.
BIG DILL Take a good look. Do any of these bears look familiar?
MRS. ROSE. I guess… I used to come here as a child. So, I remember visiting this bear exhibit before.
BIG DILL Do any of them look like the intruder that escaped from your living room window?
MRS. ROSE You think a bear stole my Rainbow Rose?
BIG DILL Precisely The clues all fit. What do bears eat?
MRS. ROSE. Meat. Fish.
BIG DILL. GUMMIE BEARS!
MRS. ROSE. I’m not sure that’s right.
BIG DILL. And to seal the dill… there’s a Panda Bear on this bag full of candy. It’s so obvious.
MRS. ROSE. But, why would a bear carry a tote bag?
BIG DILL. For his candy.
MRS. ROSE. And the stolen IDs?
BIG DILL Exactly!
MRS. ROSE. Why would a bear need stolen IDs?
BIG DILL. To sell on the black market. [GASPS!] The black bear market…
MRS. ROSE. Mmmmhmmm… even so… none of these bears make sense. I saw a flash of black -
BIG DILL. Black bears -
MRS. ROSE. and white. None of these are black and white bears. The only black and white bears I can think of are…
BIG DILL. Pandas.
A zookeeper walks by
BIG DILL Excuse me, zookeep. I’m Big Dill. Private Eye. Hot on the trail of a bear theft.
ZOOKEEPER. Someone stole a bear from us?
BIG DILL No, no. Well, not that I know of.
MRS. ROSE. Something very important of mine was stolen from my home last night. And we believe it was a Panda Bear who did it.
ZOOKEEPER. Oh, we don’t have any panda bears at this zoo. I wish!
BIG DILL. Don’t you sell these Panda Bear tote bags in your gift shop.
ZOOKEEPER. No, that doesn’t look like ours. I don’t think there’s a single zoo in this state that has a Panda Bear. They’re endangered. And, majestic.
BIG DILL. This isn’t adding up.
ZOOKEEPER. What was stolen from you?
MRS. ROSE. A very precious flower.
ZOOKEEPER. Is it edible?
MRS. ROSE. No, I don’t think so.
ZOOKEEPER. Definitely not a bear then. They’ll tear a car apart for food. Or even food trash. But if they can’t eat it. They don’t care.
MRS. ROSE. What if it’s not an actual bear.
BIG DILL. Explain.
MRS. ROSE. What if the thief was just dressed like a bear?
ZOOKEEPER. Oh, like a Cos-Player! That makes sense.
BIG DILL Does it?
ZOOKEEPER. Oh yeah. There’s a bunch in town right now for ComicCon. Downtown Convention Center
BIG DILL I have an idea.
MRS. ROSE. Excellent!
BIG DILL There’s a costume convention in town.
MRS. ROSE. …Right…
BIG DILL. We should go there and see if anyone is dressed up as a Panda.
MRS. ROSE. Brilliant. Let’s go.
SCENE 4
Party music starts. Lots of people in costumes of all kinds come out. No Pandas to be seen.
BIG DILL. One thing I know for sure. This isn’t my kind of Brine.
MRS. ROSE. Really? I kind of love it. [Dancing]
ALIEN. Welcome earthlings. First time at the Con?
BIG DILL. Yes. | MRS. ROSE. No.
MRS. ROSE. I mean, yes. I have never been to one of these “Cons” before.
BIG DILL What are you doing?
MRS. ROSE. I don’t know!
BIG DILL You’ve been to ComicCon before.
MRS. ROSE. Okay, yes. I have. I just thought… you wouldn’t take me seriously if you knew I was a [whispers] Nerd.
ALIEN [Covering their ears] Ack! No. We don’t say that word here.
BIG DILL. What, “Nerd”?
ALIEN. Ahh! Forbidden language! Seize them!
[Everyone is staring now.]
MRS. ROSE. Please, no! I’m sorry. I was saying, we’re not… I’m sorry. That’s not what we meant.
BIG DILL. I’m a detective. Private Eye. I’m Big Dill.
ALIEN. Oh, I’ve seen your billboards!
COSPLAYER 2: “There’s no pickle too big for Big Dill to solve.”
BIG DILL. That’s me. And we’re here solving a pickle of a case right now.
COSPLAYER 3. Ooh, a mystery!
MRS. ROSE. Yes! Oh, and maybe you can help.
COSPLAYER 4. I’ve dressed up as a Detective before. I can help!
MRS. ROSE. Thank you! Oh, yay. Thank you so much.
ALIEN. What do you know so far?
MRS. ROSE. Last night…
Pantomimes enter with a sign that says “Last Night”
MRS. ROSE. Some kind of beast broke into my home and stole my most prized possession.
ALIEN Ooh, was it a cursed locket?
COSPLAYER No, no. Was it a sword with the power of lightning inside?
COSPLAYER What are you talking about! Those things aren’t real… Was it a flute that - like - when you play it - it can - like - communicate with snakes.
ALIEN. Oh, because that’s real?!
COSPLAYER. Yeah, man! Haven’t you ever heard of the pied piper?
MRS. ROSE. Oh, it was nothing like that! It was just a flower that meant a lot to me.
BIG DILL. Right, because we all know magic isn’t real. It doesn’t exist.
MRS. ROSE. Right. Magic definitely does not exist.
BIG DILL There is absolutely no such thing as a Rainbow Rose of Revelry.
MRS. ROSE. Hush!
BIG DILL. That makes people happy when they hold it.
COSPLAYER. Oh, that is really a thing! I heard about it last year at the Con.
ALIEN. Yeah, I heard that, too! Some lady dressed as “Poison Ivy” had it.
COSPLAYER. I remember Poison Ivy lady!
MRS. ROSE. It wasn’t Poison Ivy.
COSPLAYER. Too many dips into the punch bowl at the CosProm. [Laughing]
MRS. ROSE. That’s not true! I was not intoxicated. And I was not dressed as Poison Ivy I was The High Elf “Flora” from the manga series, An Ode for Mist and Magic
BIG DILL Rosie!
MRS. ROSE. What?! It’s a really good story
BIG DILL Don’t you think you should have told me that you’ve been in this exact place, exactly a year ago, blabbing about your magical rose to a bunch of costumed Nnnn-
Everyone GASPS
BIG DILL …Enthusiasts…
MRS. ROSE. Now that you say it all out loud. Yes, now it does sound relevant to the situation.
BIG DILL. You know what this means, don’t you?
ALIEN. What?
BIG DILL. You’re all suspects!
[Overlapping] Not me! | No way | I’m not going down for this! | You can’t pin this on me!
A CosPlayer in a black and white panda costume quickly dashes away.
BIG DILL It’s the Panda! Get him!
The CosPlayers run after him ALIEN stays behind
ALIEN. Look, he dropped something.
MRS. ROSE. Is that… bamboo?
BIG DILL Yes But, no It’s a key
ALIEN. The key to unlocking the mystery?
BIG DILL. Yes. But, also no. It’s an actual key.
MRS ROSE “Peter”
BIG DILL The Panda’s name is Peter Alien laughs
MRS. ROSE. Something funny to you?
ALIEN. Yeah, the name Peter.
BIG DILL. Grow up.
ALIEN. Peter Panda…?
MRS. ROSE. Oh, I get it.
BIG DILL. Clue me in.
MRS. ROSE. Peter Panda. From Peter ’s Pretzel Place.
BIG DILL. This is no time for snacks! We’re so close to solving this case.
MRS. ROSE. Dill, think! This could be the answer
ALIEN You’re not just looking for a person in a panda costume. You’re looking for a Pretzel Peddling panda mascot!
MRS. ROSE Quick! To the Pretzel Place!
SCENE 5
ALIEN. Listen! There’s someone in there.
BIG DILL. After hours? Geez, haven’t they ever heard of work-life balance?
MRS. ROSE. More likely it’s someone up to no good!
ALIEN. Try the key! If we are right, this key should let us in, and let us know.
The key works. They all run into the Pretzel Place.
BIG DILL We’re onto you, Peter Come out with your paws up!
MRS. ROSE Look, Dill. It’s a candy trail.
BIG DILL It leads to a note. “Look up”
MRS. ROSE Up there! Another note.
ALIEN “Look behind you”
BIG DILL tries to look at his own behind
MRS. ROSE. No, Dill. They must mean back here. Back to the front door?
The Panda slowly creeps out and toward the trio.
ALIEN. But there’s nothing over here.
BIG DILL. We’ve already been over here. We came in from here.
MRS. ROSE. I know. But that’s what the note said! There must be something here. Keep looking. There must be another note. Or some kind of clue. Something we’ve missed when we came in. AHHHH!!
MRS. ROSE squeals as she feels the Panda trying to slip the rose into her pocket.
ALIEN. Ahhh!! The Panda!!
BIG DILL. Careful! He has “bear arms”!
ALIEN. We come in peace!
MRS. ROSE. Are you Peter?
The Panda shakes his head No.
MRS. ROSE. Who are you? Did you steal my Rose?
The Panda shakes his head No.
MRS. ROSE Why do you have it?
LIL PICKLE steps out of the shadows
LIL PICKLE I gave it to him.
BIG DILL/MRS. ROSE Lil Pickle?!
ALIEN. Who are you?!
LIL PICKLE Yes, fine. It was me. I confess everything.
ALIEN Woah. Drama!
MRS. ROSE. You mean, you stole my Rainbow Rose?
LIL PICKLE. I was tired of being so angry!
BIG DILL. Lil…
LIL PICKLE. Remember, last fall?
The Pantomimes come out with a sign that reads: “Last Fall”
BIG DILL. Our cruise to Canada?
LIL PICKLE. It was so lovely, Dill. The cool waters of the wide open sea, headed to the Land of Maple. The Great White North. I was happier than a gherkin in its own crock.
BIG DILL Yeah, it was amazing. So what?
LIL PICKLE. So what?! So, you ruined it all!
BIG DILL. This again! It was an accident.
LIL PICKLE. You threw away my license and passport. My wallet. My whole purse. OVERBOARD!
BIG DILL. I sneezed.
LIL PICKLE. How?!
BIG DILL. I’m allergic to salt water.
LIL PICKLE “It’ll be fine, Lil.” You said. “Don’t worry We’ll explain it all at the port. The Mounties will understand.”
BIG DILL I took full responsibility I explained to security that you were destitute and had nothing to your name. And that you were basically homeless on the cruise - you didn’t even have a ticket.
LIL PICKLE Because you threw it overboard!
BIG DILL Well, yeah. They didn’t know that.
LIL PICKLE Full responsibility, my hide. They arrested me. Because they thought I was a stowaway. Because of YOU!
BIG DILL. So that’s where you went when I ran to the bathroom.
MRS. ROSE. Oh, Dill. That’s bad.
LIL PICKLE. Do you know how long it takes to get a copy of your travel documents sent to Canada?
ALIEN. A couple of days? Can probably just fill out a form online.
LIL PICKLE. Oh yeah, I can just go online… in Canadian Prison?!
ALIEN. Okay, so like, a week?
LIL PICKLE. It was 3 months!
BIG DILL. It was Canada. They’re so polite up there. It can’t be that bad!
LIL PICKLE. It wasn’t great.
MRS. ROSE. Oh, Lil. I’m so sorry.
In a Canadian accent:
LIL PICKLE. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry… every day, constantly, that’s all I heard for months. Sorry, sorry.
MRS. ROSE Here, this will help.
She hands the rose to Lil
LIL PICKLE Ahhhh… Thank you.
MRS. ROSE You’ve been holding that in for some time, huh?
LIL PICKLE I’m just so tired of being angry
MRS. ROSE Tell me more.
LIL PICKLE. I’m not a criminal. Or, I wasn’t a criminal. I guess this changes that.
BIG DILL. What have you done, Lil?
LIL PICKLE. I met this guy. My cell mate. You get to really know someone when all you have is time to talk. He got me my first job outside of the clink.
ALIEN. Peddling delicious chewy, soft pretzels for Peter Panda.
LIL PICKLE. Yeah. It was great. We got to stay friends. And then we got transferred back down here. But as soon as I got back.
LIL PICKLE. I saw you. Working a case. And I remembered my old life as a PI. How much fun I used to have. I missed it. Unraveling mysteries, instead of raveling up knots of salty dough.
BIG DILL. Yeah, it’s pretty great.
LIL PICKLE. You never had to give up your way of life. But you made me lose it all. I was so angry at you. For so long. And then I was angry at you for making me angry. It was a vicious cycle. I wanted a way out. That’s when my friend told me about the Rainbow Rose he saw at ComicCon last year. He said The High Elf “Flora” showed him.
MRS. ROSE You recognized my costume?!
The Panda Nods
MRS. ROSE. Oh yay! Someone got it!
The Panda taps his temple to say “I know.”
LIL PICKLE I was just going to borrow it! I just wanted to feel better, for a minute. Happy like I was before this whole terrible cruise happened.
MRS. ROSE Okay, but, you could have asked. You didn’t have to break into my home and set off a whole caper
LIL PICKLE. I didn’t do it myself. I was too… cowardly. I’m not a criminal, I told you!
ALIEN. But he is? What did you end up in prison for?
The Panda puts his fingers to his lips and shakes his head.
BIG DILL. That’s somehow scarier than knowing…
LIL PICKLE. He’s really just a teddy bear, I swear. But, graceful, he is not.
ALIEN. Have you ever seen the videos of those pandas falling out of trees, and stuff?
BIG DILL. [Laughing] Yeah. Pandas are so goofy. Hilarious.
LIL PICKLE. He botched it. But, I’m not mad. Maybe it's for the best we got caught. I don’t know. I can’t keep living this life of crime!
BIG DILL. Yeah, you’re really not skilled at it.
LIL PICKLE. When you showed up asking for my help, I knew it was only a matter of time before you found me out. I tried to leave clues to throw you off. And the notes, to distract you. Until the Panda could reverse pickpocket the rose back into your possession.
BIG DILL. You failed.
LIL PICKLE I know!
ALIEN What a plot twist. So glad I didn’t skip the party tonight.
LIL PICKLE As much as I hate to say it… “I’m sorry.”
MRS. ROSE I understand.
BIG DILL Yes, I forgive you.
LIL PICKLE Not to you! I’m still… upset about what you did. But I will learn to let it go. For my own peace of mind.
MRS. ROSE. Good for you. | ALIEN. That’s very fair.
BIG DILL. Fine. Yeah, I get it.
MRS. ROSE. How about, you just replace my glass case for the rose, and we call it even.
LIL PICKLE. Deal.
BIG DILL. Or should you say - Dill… Big Dill.
SCENE 6
Pantomimes enter with a sign that reads: A Few Months Later.
MRS. ROSE is sitting in her living room sipping some tea. ALIEN and a Cosplayer (GARY) storm in.
ALIEN. Gary keeps “borrowing” my costume foam even though he knows it can’t be reused once he shapes it.
GARY. I can never remember to pick some up. And you work at the crafts store! You’re always bringing some home.
ALIEN. Because I’m always running out. Because you’re always using it.
MRS. ROSE. Friends. Time to stop and smell the Roses?
She lifts the glass from the rose display They each touch a part of the rose. And deeply inhale. LIL PICKLE storms in.
LIL PICKLE Guess what Dill has done now…
MRS. ROSE Ring around this rose, and tell us all about it. But - happily LIL joins them.
LIL. So - just moments ago -
The Pantomimes enter with a sign that reads “Just Moments Ago” but the lights BLACK OUT
END OF PLAY