Removing Cupid’s Arrow

By Chloe Hodnett Editor

Valentine’s Day has been regarded as the highest Hallmark holiday of them all. Throughout the short but grueling month of February, we’re bombarded by kitschy hearts and chocolates at every turn, and subjected to the collaborative performance of countless couples on social media competing to see who can be the most #goals of them all. It’s all a bunch of baloney, as we all know, but the true goal of goals is more pervasive and sticky than it seems. Sometimes, those who seem to be the most in love are the most unstable and unhealthy.

It’s only natural to believe in the comforting fantasies of beds of rose petals and the one, particularly when the reality of a person’s relationship is too horrifying to confront, especially for women. However, HCC has multiple resources that work together to create a proactive net of support for students struggling with violence from a loved one.

The HCC Women’s Center acts as a safe space and source of empowerment for students who identify as women. Katrina Camerato, coordinator of the Women’s Center, has created a safe-haven for women on campus within the warm walls of Beacon Hall 336. The air within the room is calm and clear, helped undoubtedly by the assortment of houseplants that Camerato has propagated. Empowering words and artwork adorn the walls, making sure women never feel small or intimidated within the space.

When faced with a student confiding about domestic violence, Camerato explained how she and the HCC Counseling Office approach in the most constructive way possible. Every situation is different, she says, and so is the approach. Regardless of the situation, the Women’s Center works with the counseling office to provide assistance to the victim and additional resources if needed.

“We all have to work together to provide care and assistance to those who come to us looking for help,” says Camerato, “It’s never a job for just one person.” If the situation warrants immediate action, both the Women’s Center and Counseling Center will contact law enforcement to protect the student from future harm.

While within the spiral of domestic abuse, however, those suffering may find it hard to confront the severity of the situation, and are often wary of asking for help. This past October, the HCC Women’s Center invited students to attend The Center for Family Justice’s Domestic Violence Vigil at the Hartford Healthcare Amphitheater. As a part and universities, including our own HCC, Sacred Heart, Fairfield, and the University of Bridgeport. of Domestic Violence Awareness month, the vigil was in honor of victims and survivors, including the thirty-two deaths caused by domestic violence in Connecticut last year. Rebeca Garcia, Bridgeport police chief, spoke deeply to those in attendance, saying, “Love is not supposed to hurt. Love is not supposed to manipulate and control.” The non-profit provides sanctuary, support, and education for survivors and those not directly affected by abuse. The organization also works to advocate for and empower women within various Southern Connecticut colleges

Garcia’s words struck a chord in me, as I’m sure they did with many attendees. Personally, I have both seen domestic abuse and been a victim of domestic abuse. When caught in the current of an abusive relationship, you feel paralyzed with fear, too wounded to run away, and yet somehow still in denial, unable to realize how bad things have become. Abusive relationships don’t just affect the partners involved; they impact everyone in their orbit. Seeing a loved one be abused is a heartbreaking experience, especially when you don’t know what to do to help. The HCC Women’s Center, Counseling Center, and The Center for Family Justice’s Domestic Violence all provide education and advice to bystanders of violence as well as survivors. “The most important job for us is to listen, to be there,” added Camerato.

Being a present, proactive bystander is crucial when made witness to possible domestic violence. The tiny, red flags that have adorned our campus this school year aren’t just for decoration; they are reminders to be on the lookout for red flags within your own relationships, as well as within classmates’ and friends.

One of the many red flags meant to remind us to always be on the lookout for behavior we see that may be an indicator of domestic violence. Photo by Chloe Hodnett

Domestic violence often goes unreported or unresolved, and the visible warning signs are sometimes subtle. The obsessive monitoring of a partner’s social media, controlling finances, a withdrawal from one’s hobbies or interests, and obsessive criticism or beratement are all subtle warning signs of domestic violence. Once you feel something may not be right with one of your peers, it is crucial you do something, despite feeling like “it’s none of your business,” because the safety of one’s peers is everyone’s business.

As written in flyers you may have seen around campus with information on the Red Flag Campaign, students are encouraged to follow the 3 D’s, Direct, Delegate, and Distract. First, directly intervene within the situation if you feel comfortable doing so. If not, delegate the task to someone who will be able to do something, like Camerato, a Housatonic counselor, or a security guard. Creating a distraction can also help attract attention from others to your area, as well as give a peer the chance to leave if they are uncomfortable.

Love is not always what it seems. Behind closed doors and behind closed eyes can lie a cycle of relentless belittlement and torture, one incredibly difficult to break free from. Thankfully, there is always support available, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

If you are grappling with the effects of domestic violence, visit the Women’s Center at HCC for a safe space to decompress, book a tele-health or in-person appointment with HCC’s Counseling Center, or seek support from The Center for Family Justice’s Domestic Violence. In addition, you can call or text the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-7233 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

To learn more about the Housatonic Counseling Center visit: https://www.housatonic.edu/counseling-wellness-center