The Myth of The Lone Survivor

By Larry Ferguson Editor

Children are very seldom afforded the freedom of choice, and unfortunately, when it comes to deciding whether or not they are safe in their homes, that is absolutely the case. Although the primary responsibilities of a parent are to nurture and protect their children, it is all too common for them to fail at fulfilling those duties on some level.

This was the case for Housatonic Student Anthony Mendoza in an extreme way. Life was never easy for him. Just breathing the wrong way after his dad had a stressful day at work could spell disaster for the young boy. He grew up with a father who was highly physically and verbally abusive and a mother who was equal parts neglectful and too afraid to defend her son. This left Anthony with no saving grace.

For Anthony, his early childhood was the hardest part of his life. As an only child, his well-being was always in question as he truly had no safeguards against the abuses of his parents. This led to him feeling nothing but isolation and fear. With no other options, Anthony did what any other child in his position would. He had to learn how to survive by any means necessary.

In his case, survival meant repression. Taking all of his pain and fear and tucking it away where he wouldn’t have to face it was the best way to proceed. To him, feel ing nothing was better than feeling helpless, so he almost completely cut himself off from his emotions.

The moment he was old enough to participate, he began engaging in sports to strengthen his body and buy himself time away from his dangerous home. He was content with having his trou bles unseen and unheard. He thought that his physical strength and lack of emotional vulnerability had turned him into a lone survivor who could muscle through all of his hard times. Little by little, day by day, unbeknownst to him, his maladaptive coping mechanisms were bringing him to a breaking point. It where he thought it was im possible for him to feel safe around others, but when he and his newfound friends were able to seek community with one another, connecting through their pain and knowing that they were no longer alone, Anthony started to develop what he referred to as “real strength.” own… but by sharing parts of our hearts, mixing and matching them by helping one another heal, we were all able to become whole again,” he said.

The love that they felt for him allowed him to finally see merit in loving himself. His friends pushed him to from the ledge the same way my friends helped me, I know I’m doing the right thing,” he said.

With a real support system to help him through his tough times, Anthony now has the confidence to proudly dismiss the myth of the lone survivor and build a better life with the people who truly care for him the way that he has learned to care for them.