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he healing and strength I found in accepting my mother’s illness intrigued me and I began turning fully toward the suffering with love and compassion. It was amazing to learn how to allow whatever was present to be welcomed with kindness and care, and see it for just what it was without the story. In letting go of reactions of resistance, anger, and control and my stories of “should and would,” I found grace and tenderness carrying me through the days. Instead of falling apart and shutting down, I found myself becoming more resilient and kind. In the middle of sorrow was so much joy. I understood that everyone of us will pass from this world and have our own unique journey. This particular illness is my mother’s path. As I practiced MBSR and learned to bow to things I cannot change, and changed my attitude instead of wanting to change the circumstances, something started transforming inside me. The moments when I held my mother and rocked her to sleep, the moments when I fed her and bathed her, the moments of support and care with my father – these became gifts of joy that I will treasure for the rest of my days.
I began more extensive trainings in mindfulness – silent retreats, workshops, reading and listening to anything I could get my hands on. I learned that there was another way to navigate through the “ten thousand tears and ten thousand joys” of our life. I found that there is a way to train the heart-mind to not cling to the past or fear the future. It 18 • Hat Trick Magazine • hattrickstrategies.com
became possible to live joyfully in the present moment – even if the present moment is meeting my mother’s Alzheimer’s with full acceptance. Alzheimer’s became my greatest teacher. With Alzheimer’s, there is no memory of the past and no being in the future. So when I was with my mother, I realised the more I could tap into my heart, to be fully present, the easier it became to transform the suffering with compassion and kindness.