SO, THIS IS HAPPENING AS I WRITE...
I almost did the unthinkable this week. We are talking cardinal sin for me. That’s right! I almost was very close to doing something that I promised - NO VOWED that I would NEVER do. What is it you ask? It’s with vain trepidation I admit I was going to (deep sigh) put an image of MYSELF on the cover this week magazaine! (See artwork to your left) Before you all start throwing rocks or stop reading in disgust, there is a perfectly good explanation - THE LENSA APP. That’s right, I got sucked in this week and paid $5.99 like the rest of you and uploaded from 10 to 20 pictures of myself into the new trendy application. Honestly, it’s the best money I’ve spent all month. I’m generally considering it a birthday present to myself. Why you ask? Because for the rest of that day, I felt like a MILLION BUCKS! Anyone who truly knows me understands I’m the farthest thing from vain. In fact, I’m quite comfortable with the fact I’m a person who derives his sense of self esteem from my talents, ability to turn a clever phrase and indomitable spirit (when I’m on my meds). Never have I ever relied on my “looks” for anything. Why? Because my entire life everyone has reminded me how utterly forgettable I am in that department. Before you all start sending me emails and text messages letting me know how “beautiful” I am, relax, I’m truly alright with this knowledge. In fact, I’m able to look back at pictures of my younger years and say to myself now,”Damn, I was hot and Hades and didn’t even know it.” Which I suppose was a blessing in the long run. I would of been a nightmare. I mean really, if you have to chose between looks and brains, I don’t know about you dear audience, but I chose the old grey matter EVERY TIME. It has served me well all these years in many ways both in business and my personal life.
I had a stunningly beautiful friend once tell me,”You are lucky you are “average” looking. I’ve only had my looks to rely on and now they are fading with age. Meanwhile, you only get more interesting and attractive as time passes.” I agree with him now, but it stung at first. When we are forced to stretch every other muscle in our self esteem arsenal, we inevitably become stronger and more resilient to the ravages of time. And, to quote Martha,”That’s a good thing.”
Another reason why this LENSA App (and so many others now popping up now) has been a gift to me this season is that it showed me a side of myself I would never, ever see easily - an idealized avatar that represents how I should be carrying myself through not only the virtual world, but in the real world as well. Let’s face it, it’s the picture in our head of ourselves that matters most.
It’s been hard these last 7 years to feel strong about my exterior. You see my ex-partner left me for a WAY younger person who in many ways is EXACTLY his ideal physical type. Something I never was. I don’t mind telling you all, that really messed with me for a long while. Don’t get me wrong, he always told me I was “beautiful”, but on the inside, I always knew (because I was told repeated to my face by friends and strangers alike) HE WAS THE PRETTY ONE. Well, now thanks to modern ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE, I now know what that feels like. I mean, it looks enough like me where I can still see it as a possibility in some alternate reality for me to look this gorgeous. For now, that’s enough.
Yes, Carly Simon said it best in the 70’s,”You’re so vain. You actually think this song is about you...” But, I wonder, shouldn’t the song be about us at least sometimes? Personally, I think this trend had a healing effect on me. Sure, I’m not an idiot, I know this is not what I really look like. After all I have mirrors in my home. But, I’ve replaced the avatar in my head with this new “Ben Affleck” version of me. In some ways, I’ve always known he lived in me. It’s just finally nice to see what he look like.
God, I hope the data on my phone is safe! Aw, fuck it! It was worth it.
Love, light and peace to us all, Francisco Garcia Publisher of
HAPPENING DIGITAL MAGAZINE
PHOTO: Avi Ram
Has there ever really been a gay doll?
Well, yes and no. In 1977,“Gay Bob,” marketed as the world’s first gay doll, was sold through mail-order ads in gay magazines. And I’m sure that Mattel still thinks about the Earring Magic Ken fiasco of 1993, and his “necklace.”
But there’s nothing inherently gay about dolls themselves – they’re toys, pieces of plastic after all. In the same vein, there’s nothing inherently gay about doll collecting as a hobby, as a passion, as an art form.
Dolls are cultural reflections of the times, for better or worse. But doll brands like Barbie that are symbols of hyper-heteronormative, old-school femininity are being reclaimed and reinterpreted by adult LGBTQA+ collectors in a new way. And don’t think the toy companies are unaware — they’re not, and they are absolutely involved.
More recently the main way collectors are expressing this kind of love and solidarity, and where community can be found, is through the internet and social media. This is a space where the toys’ brand narrative has usually been out of corporate hands. But companies like Mattel are in it now, noticing these LGBTQA+ fan communities, and vying for their digital eyes.
LGBTQA+ collectors are also identifying with the messages of newer doll franchises, and the potential for what the dolls can represent. Barbie™ collectors in particular are mostly Millennials who never grew up playing with the dolls themselves, but with whom the brand’s identity has resonated.
Doll collecting is, inherently, at least somewhat escapist. There’s something that feels revolutionary about being constantly bombarded with the idolized bodies and lives of cisgender heterosexuals on social media, and then going “screw that! I’m gonna take this toy, make it a representation of me, and imagine a new world with it.”
Utilizing dolls as an art form – through mediums like photography, clothes-making, customization/modification, and fanart – allow for LGBTQA+ collectors to envision a world free of toxic masculinity. Creating doll art in and for an online world allows a safe space for folks to literally “play” with their own femininity and subvert gender roles as they see fit.
For many collectors, it’s not enough anymore to simply admire and collect these homo-male designed fashion figures. They want to see themselves in the dolls that they’ve been projecting onto for decades.
So, while we wait for the brands’ next move, gay culture will keep claiming dolls because we know in our hearts that they’re ours as much as anyone’s.
Kinsmen Dolls
PHOTO: Brian Bunting
JHD Adonis Dolls
PHOTO: Francisco Garcia
Monarch HOMME
PHOTO: Integrity Toys
Ken Doll
PHOTO: Mattel
WHERE IS MY BATMAN WHEN I NEED HIM?
Dating, playing, mixing and mingling..OH MY! It’s easier said than done being gay and pushing 40. All too often I am told that I’ve past my prime by my younger counterparts but that doesn’t keep me out of the game. My question is, what have we become as a community built on inclusion and acceptance?
More often than not when going out I’ve found better connections and conversations with people decades older than myself. I value these pillars of our community from their experiences, advice and often entertaining stories they are eager to share. Not to mention, looking hot as hell in the process these days thanks to modern medicine, gymsdiets and apparently evolution.
I then question why those still getting carded seem to feel threatened or the need to want to put us out to pasture once we’ve lost our sexual appeal. As we say in the South - “there might be snow on top, but there’s still fire in the furnace” (shout out to our pharmaceuticals).
With that said, I also encourage older men to turn down their creeper mode which may lead to some stigmas about OUR demographic. There’s a time and place to play and we have a plethora of venues to do so. It’s possibly acceptible to reach out and say hello in the back room when wearing a jock strap, for example. It’s NOT alright to run your hand down my pants while sitting at the bar enjoying cocktails with friends! There’s a little thing called consent that, yes even our community, needs to practice a bit more.
My advice is don’t let being single or over the hill, keep you out of the scene. Not all heroes wear capes and more often than not we have to save ourselves. Be kind and show compassion, you’ll attract exactly what you’re searching for. Wishing you all a joyous season! Keep it classy and tell your mom you love her.
