STOR IES of
STRU
GGLE process book
STORIES of STRUGGLE process book
CONTENTS 2
Early Development
25
Layout & Binding
39
The Poster
53
The Cover
53
Final Product
EARLY DEVELOPMENT
BOOK DESIGN 2018
E A R LY D E V E L O P M E N T
First up is the brief. The assignment was to find an oral history of some kind and make a book that had either inserts, fold outs, or multiple page sizes.
Project 2 —
1/3
Listening & Archives
Overview ARTC 4316 BOOK DESIGN
FALL 2018 Tues & Thurs 2:00 PM – 4:50 PM JCM 04113 MOLLY SHERMAN mas518@txstate.edu JCM 3107B OFFICE HOURS By appointment Tues & Thurs
An oral history is an audio recording of an interview that may concern personal experience, important events, everyday life, etc. For this project, select an oral history transcript from one of the websites listed below, or record your own interview with someone. Design a book that shares and explores this conversation while deviating from the traditional book structure in a meaningful way through the use of multiple page sizes, inserts, binding, fold outs, etc. Carefully consider the potential of the book’s form and materials. A major component of the evaluation of your book will be your success in integrating your concept with the possibilities provided by the book form. Additionally, pay particular attention to your use of sequencing and pacing in presenting the content you create.
10:00 – 11:00 AM 5:00 – 6:00 PM
Objectives • Explore listening and voice through visual narrative, pacing, and sequencing • Use typography to develop overall tone and style • Design with the reader in mind; create an engaging reading experience • Design for a specific, real world audience • Strengthen your book production and pre-press skills • Explore an expanded approach to traditional book design • Utilize systems thinking in your approach Specifications & Restrictions
a
• Page count, materials, format, and size are all up to you but they must reinforce your concept and narrative. • One constraint you must follow: incorporate multiple pages sizes, inserts, or foldouts into your format in some way. • Show us your type skills! Make sure to use and apply a grid and source well-designed fonts from sites like Fontstand.com. • Make full size mock-ups and print tests as you work and share them in your process crits for feedback. Oral History Sources Archives of American Art www.aaa.si.edu Storycorps storycorps.org Briscoe Center for American History av.cah.utexas.edu
8
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
We were given several resources to help with our search of an oral history. I ended up picking mine from StoryCorps, a website where people record personal stories. I picked out nine of them, as they were fairly short.
PROJECT 2 — LISTENING & ARCHIVES
2/3
Step 1: Research + Concept + Thumbs RESEARCH AND CONCEPT DEVELOPMENT
• Listen to multiple oral histories and select one that you’d like to transform into publication form. Relisten to and pay close attention to the narrative, storytelling, pauses, and the arc of the selected conversation. Explore tone, narrative, and voice — how will you visually distinguish between speakers? • Conduct online and library research related to your selected transcript. Wordlist, sketch, ideate—What is the best book form to share this story? What else can you dig up about the interviewer and interviewee? What research, archival materials, and secondary resources might your add to the transcript and how does this inform the meaning, message, and concept of the book? THUMBNAILS
Sketch 5 sets of thumbnails, each set containing two 2-page spreads. • Each set of thumbnail set represents ONE CONCEPT. • Each set of thumbs should be very different from the others. • Explore ways that the layout, structure, and book form can express the tone/concept of the content. Step 2: Content List + Format + Statement of Intent CONTENTS
• The contents in the book are up to you—you are the editor. • Make a list of the contents in your book, in the order they will appear. This will give you a sense of the overall structure. • Typeset and format your list of contents, and print out a copy. FORMAT
Reconsider the format of a traditional book. How can you utilize page sizes, binding, inserts, size, paper, and materials to reinforce your concept? Sketch, print, mock-up three different ideas to share in crit. STATEMENT OF INTENT
a
Follow instructions on syllabus. Step 3: Roughs + Casting Sheet + Type + Dummy CASTING SHEET—DETERMINE THE PACING
Create a casting sheet that designates what content will be on each page of the book. You do not need to sketch the pages — just write the name of the section. Add additional pages to your casting sheet, if needed. ROUGHS—SHAPE THE PAGE
Set up your grid in a new InDesign document that is the correct page size for your book. Print out blank spreads at 50% scale with visible guidelines, to use for sketching on. Make a hand-sketched rough for each distinct part of the book,
PROCESS BOOK
9
BOOK DESIGN 2018
E A R LY D E V E L O P M E N T
The website is organized with tags that describe the topic of the recording. I looked through the “struggle” tag to find my stories. Within that, three of them have to do with lgbt people, three with suicide, and three with homelessness. These issues seemed common among the struggle tag and felt somewhat representative. It took a lot of research and searching to decide what stories to do, and this is where I landed.
PROJECT 2 — LISTENING & ARCHIVES
3/3
such as: opening spread of text, text with pull quotes, folios, images, etc., and credits. TYPEFACE PAIRINGS
Research three typeface options for the following and print them out: • display typefaces • text typefaces • other possible typefaces (to be used for tertiary information) TYPE TESTS
Transfer your rough sketches onto the computer. Begin with a body text spread. Duplicate the text spread, in order to try different options for type size and leading. Print out the spreads at 100% scale, to test readability and line length. After presenting your type tests in class, finalize the size/leading for the main body and create a paragraph style in your InDesign document. DUMMY
Create a full-size blank dummy of your book to test out binding, paper, inserts, etc. Step 6: Comp + Cover COMPS WITH FINAL CONTENT
Continue to design all the pages in your book. Use your rough sketches and your grid to guide your layout decisions. Print and trim four finalized spreads at 100% scale. COVER COMPS
Mock-up 2–3 cover designs based on book cover design research from P1. Print, trim, and fold at 100% scale. Process PDF
a
10
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
• Design a digital book that walks me through your design process. • Typeset a divider page for each section. • Sections: Research /Thumbnails /Roughs /Comp/Studio Documentation Final Files Submit your final files to your TRACS drop box: • 43161_Lastname_P2_Process.pdf (single file with cover and interior) • 4316_Lastname_P2.pdf (single file with cover and interior) • 4316_Lastname_P2.zip (zipped InDesign package)
HANNAH GASKAMP
The next step was to sketch out some ideas as thumbnails.
PROCESS BOOK
11
BOOK DESIGN 2018
E A R LY D E V E L O P M E N T
We had to bring in a printed copy of the oral history we were doing. Here is the first page of mine with a few miscellaneous notes on it.
12
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
Below is my statement of intent that describes how I originally intended to go about this project. The gist stayed the same, most of the changes happened in the size and binding. The book itself would contain the intros and some statistics, but in order to read the stories you’d have to pull out a poster. To read the stories you’d have to struggle — some folding would be required.
Statement of Intent This book will be generally about stories of struggle. The book itself will contain research on some common types of struggle, including statistics and resources. Inside the book will be a folded insert inside a sleeve. The idea of the insert is that in order to read the actual stories, you have to also struggle. In order to read each story, some level of folding will be required. Some of them will be obvious, and some of them will be less obvious. Anyone who is interested in the humanity of struggle will enjoy this book and its complicated folded insert. The type will be modern and in a variety of colors on the poster, and simple, friendly, and modern in the book itself. The book will be square, about 4.5 by 4.5 inches, to accommodate the squarely folded insert. To keep the sleeve in place with the rest of the book, Coptic stitch binding will be used. It might be a little pricey to print the poster sized insert, as it will be an oversized print.
PROCESS BOOK
13
BOOK DESIGN 2018
E A R LY D E V E L O P M E N T
My casting sheet was overall very simple, but had some edits made once I really got into the actual designing of the book. I had planned for maybe upping my story count to 12 and dropping that later made it a bit confusing, but it worked out cleanly in the end.
14
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
In my rough sketches of the layout, I was mostly just playing with where things sat on a page and trying to not make them too expected or traditional. Only a small amount of this layout made it into the final book, mostly just the idea of objects switching which side of the page they were on.
PROCESS BOOK
15
BOOK DESIGN 2018
16
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
E A R LY D E V E L O P M E N T
HANNAH GASKAMP
None of the typefaces I originally chose made it into the final product. At first I was looking for something that reminded me of newspapers or news articles online. My stories reminded me something you’d read in that kind of context. In the end, though, I ended up researching for typefaces that had an element of struggle in their history, and they ended up being for the better.
PROCESS BOOK
17
BOOK DESIGN 2018
18
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
E A R LY D E V E L O P M E N T
LAYOUT & BINDING
BOOK DESIGN 2018
LAYOUT & BINDING
Originally I wanted to try coptic stitching. I liked how handmade and personal it looked and I liked that you could lay it flat. After spending far too much time and frustration learning how to do it, I discovered that no matter how hard I tried I could not get the gap in the middle to go away, and I wanted something that felt more sturdy to hold my poster into the book.
22
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
For a good portion of my project after that I went with the idea of stapling my book. I started out wanting it to be a square so that the poster could evenly fold into a square and slide neatly into the book. This was the square size I could make with printer paper, so that was my original idea, but it ended up feeling too small, and the square wasn’t justified enough with my concept. I had to use two bands to hold this mock-up closed, as the poster inside made it too fat. See page 40 to look at the poster inside this book and how it progressed from there.
PROCESS BOOK
23
BOOK DESIGN 2018
LAYOUT & BINDING
I quickly started playing with the idea of making this book as much of a struggle to read as possible. I tried to make the layout require you to turn the book, often several times for each page, but that ended up feeling like too much. Here are some original layouts that were lost after this iteration. After this the colored text was toned down, and even the photos were recolored. Also lost after this was this paper I had chosen. All of the color, in the design and the paper, was too happy for the kind of content I had chosen.
24
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
I had originally wanted to use a thicker paper to offset the weight of the poster inside, but as we’ll see later, it wasn’t the best option.
PROCESS BOOK
25
BOOK DESIGN 2018
26
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
LAYOUT & BINDING
HANNAH GASKAMP
With these layouts and the type tests we performed a critique called a fine tuning protocol in class. There’s lots of timed sections, rules, and structure. It can be hard to keep to, but it’s paid off with better feedback every time we’ve done it.
PROCESS BOOK
27
BOOK DESIGN 2018
LAYOUT & BINDING
Here are my notes from that critique. Lots of things changed after this. The fonts were too friendly, the colors were too happy, the paper was too upbeat. I had to change lots of things. The changes in fonts, coloring, and paper that have been mentioned up to this point all happened at this step. Another change was the poster, after it was pointed out to me that I probably couldn’t print oversized double sided, or at least not in a way that would line up perfectly. See page 46 for more information on this particular change.
28
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
The next iteration was completely different. With the poster changing, these shapes began to emerge for each story. The idea of the vellum jacket came from my girlfriend, and I ran with it hard. To see the transformation of the cover design, see page 55.
PROCESS BOOK
29
BOOK DESIGN 2018
LAYOUT & BINDING
In this book, I had fixed the fonts and made the layouts more systematic. I only used color sparingly and I made the colors I did use much more sparing. I used a thick, textured, darker paper to try and match the tone of the content but it ended up making the text bleed a little too much and the whole book was gigantic. This iteration was also printed at home, instead of professionally, and you can really tell in how crooked things are and the photo quality.
30
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
While the font choices were better, the typesetting wasn’t perfect. The pages with statistics were too tight, and the bold I had chosen to emphasize select parts was making it harder to read.
PROCESS BOOK
31
BOOK DESIGN 2018
LAYOUT & BINDING
As I mentioned, this book was gigantic. The thicker paper was really difficult to work with. I made my new poster fit nicely inside a sleeve in the middle of the book, but then I ended up having to take apart the book multiple times. A page was upside down, the staple was really crooked, etc. After all of that, the sleeve had taken quite a beating and fell out. Also added at this step was this pattern of the shapes that were now present throughout the book. The muted color kept it from being too happy but it still looked friendly.
32
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
At this iteration I met one on one with my professor and another round of changes were made. Some details about the cover were hashed out, explained in more detail on page 60. Most of the changes were typesetting details, like the problems listed on the previous spread.
PROCESS BOOK
33
BOOK DESIGN 2018
LAYOUT & BINDING
The next change happened in the form of new binding: saddle stitch. After having the sleeve fall off of the staple, and after seeing someone else with a successful saddle stitch, I decided to try it. It would bring back an element of humanity and also make it more sturdy. Here was my first attempt at learning the surprisingly easy process of saddle stitch binding.
34
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
The next iteration featured many of the changes from before. New paper, new typesetting, new binding. This one was just printed on printer paper for sake of ease, and also printed at home. So it’s remotely thinner than the paper I knew I wanted, and the print quality is still lacking just a little.
PROCESS BOOK
35
BOOK DESIGN 2018
LAYOUT & BINDING
The pattern was added to all blank pages and the statistics pages were re-typeset. The flap went from opaque, heavy paper, to mostly transparent vellum, which was paired with the poster being flipped so the colors on it showed through.
36
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
One more quick iteration happened before the final, just to double check how things looked on this, my final paper. Slightly parchment, slightly off white (on the warm side but not by much), and comparable in weight to copy paper, this new paper checked all the boxes.
PROCESS BOOK
37
THE POSTER
BOOK DESIGN 2018
I wanted the poster to house the stories and make them as much of a struggle as I could without it being impossible to figure out. I started with this idea of folding it to reveal more and more stories. It was very complicated and no one would figure it out without my coaching. This page and the next show the many, many steps I had made in showing the stories with this poster.
40
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE POSTER
HANNAH GASKAMP
PROCESS BOOK
41
BOOK DESIGN 2018
The next iteration was a little more user friendly. You fold along the matching colored line to complete the story. I ran with this for several iterations, as you’ll see, but it was not the winning idea.
42
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE POSTER
HANNAH GASKAMP
Still going with this fold-to-reveal idea, I made a printed version that ended up being much too small.
PROCESS BOOK
43
BOOK DESIGN 2018
A bigger, full copy was made, fitting all of the stories on it.
44
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE POSTER
BC: Do you remember what it was like when we were 19, and totally in love, and couldn’t tell anyone? SC: I do. I remember the feeling of, I have found the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with, and , discovering that I couldn’t have anyone else celebrate it with me. When something our happens that makes you feel so p in e good and you have to hide it, e slee f th (EK) it takes away a little bit of the joy of og, w inside o ere erer finding someone. Kalb the d w and and the me we eir Erika BC: Do you remember what it was ck d ti Ja like when we moved to Ohio? K) an and r it’s cold y. One turned th it dad el er (K o SC: Ohio, yes! I remember Ohio. nd your down d lon us and alber I remember the second day that n. A es ris K I and we were there that your mother ng an ular to over agai who’s in came by and said that she wanted K and rain com confusi ic e d u d se o as a an Y en to talk to me. She told me that it KK: hen the it’s very up perp ey” over us up to ized it w be was a small town, that your father p g s al W was a prominent doctor, and that car. ws ice u car pull lling, ”H ds wakin they re w is it to she would give us three days to o k o a get out of town so that we wouldn’t wind ep and started ye school ki on’t thin amed. H disgrace your father, his pracle d d h h m tice, your extended family. all as ts on an me hig oing. I lt as , so I’ st fe d so now so BC: Well, they then sent me to a psychiatri brigh out it’s at we’re And I ju a year e’s only ly s h st to see if they could fix er over al me. That obviously didn’t work turn r and w in a car. r for nch. Th don’t re do since we’re still together. ca g ca r in u e u I I p h s? th SC: (Laughs) We had been together g in o have a ng. But the way my y slee r friend n il vi m f ti li for 33 years when we finally u o fa st ec do for the first time got to stand up been kind nd yo , susp to adju ry to ike, in front of our friends and family e’ve arou n, w e of them them like I’ve had the libra ssible. L nd and tell them that we loved each t o other and that we cared for each I mea m EK: sure so e withou me. And y to go to of imp to one. A to other and that we were going to t y take care of each other for the rest d in li prett u can like, pity hool. I tr just kin gas to ge getting of our lives. And I remember your yo f mom deciding that her daughter , ’s o sc g gh s at u lon them to ly for should have the right to marry es th e eno chance a lot. te t are. wan comple sometim don’t hav and any out that you lg BC: My mom had been diagnosed t e n gs u ab w b in ro co PA y with a brian hemorrhage, and th or ow st n go to my G I worr she actually wanted to walk us down one ework ca ow h the aisle before she died. hom not near wed up get into. u kn nd you re yo re sc to A SB: And this is the same woman (in f e’ t es k . o w unison) that gave us three days I thin h kind ould wan k sometim g woman t u at to get out of town) b th n it es I w f me, doing w ’t thin right you colleg ead o e b BC: Yes same woman. So we thought I don e. fe ah hat I’d b about it, for about three secrika, tremely to colleg li E y : onds, and then said okay, we’ll have ne e m idea w KK e an ex ill go a civil union. We had it in her w I hav is is o ar o backyard, with three of four ministers, You nd you nd th n able e that have n a lot of friends from church. A ee in. A tell m d I, I’d It was a beautiful ceremony. I remember lege. r a sp fix. I’ve b g. And you n the minister saying, you us fo und. o. A xin You, know, Bobbi and Sandi did it backward taken e to try to d time fi EK: u do to eren’t aro s, you know, they did all the as h yo g ar av committing stuff, and then got married. h h in that f if you w le th pect I’d having a who ex BS: I didn’t believe that there was mysel k this I didn’t this… I’m another level that we could reach t I thin but just having the ceremony and KK: as a mom g else, bu n’t. stating publicly and having our ca g friends and family there happy for thin everythin d that I us was sort of like being 19 again te and celebrating our love. to fix isappoin I’m d
HANNAH GASKAMP
My idea was to scan it in and then recreate the text, and pray that it was close enough to line up. This was a far cry from an exact science, and did not make it very far.
PROCESS BOOK
45
BOOK DESIGN 2018
The night after our tuning protocol I was contemplating how to keep all the text on one side. All the other ones had text on both sides, but that would present a challenge to perfect, and also to print. Suddenly, it hit me. Make lines of the stories, do several at once. With clean, even folds, and the middle folded inward to connect the two sides.
46
STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE POSTER
HANNAH GASKAMP
Viola! A doable poster idea with all of it one side, and an easy way to make it perfectly line up. I started by drawing out the lines and creating the full shapes that the text would go across. I wanted each story to be unique, so instead of straight lines separating the stories, I started mixing them up. These new shapes are what became a new motif of the entire book. I also started changing the orientation of the stories within their shapes. What a struggle to read!
PROCESS BOOK
47
BOOK DESIGN 2018
THE POSTER
I threw the text into the shapes and edited the spacing until they filled as much of the shape as possible. Then I covered up half of each shape with white, and put it together.
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BC
KK: You and I and your dad and Jack and the dog, we sleep in our car. When the rain comes down or it’s cold and the inside of the windows ice up it’s very confusing and lonely. One time we were all asleep and a car pulls up perpendicular to us and turned their brights on and started yelling, ”Hey” over and over again. And it turns out it’s some high school kids waking us up to see who’s in the car and what we’re doing. I don’t think they realized it was a family sleeping in a car. And I just felt ashamed. How is it to be around your friends? EK: I mean, we’ve been living in our car for over a year now, so I’m pretty sure some of them kind of have a hunch. There’s only so long you can lie without them like, suspecting. But I don’t really want them to, like, pity me. And I’ve had to adjust the way I do things completely for school. I try to go to the library to do my homework but sometimes that’s just kind of impossible. Like, we’re not near one or we don’t have enough gas to get to one. And that kind of screwed up my gpa and any chances of getting into colleges I would want to get into. I worry about that a lot. KK: Erika, I don’t think sometimes you know how strong you are.You are an extremely bright young woman. And you can go to college. And you will go to college. EK: You, you tell me that I have my life ahead of me, but I think that you do too. And I, I’d have no idea what I’d be doing with myself if you weren’t around. KK: I think this whole thing has taken us for a spin. And this is one thing as a mom I didn’t expect I’d have to try to fix. I’ve been able to fix everything else, but this… I’m having a hard time fixing. And I’m disappointed that I can’t.
LK
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I I ca took got ps bine 18 up sh yc t 0 an Ye oc hiat and pill d I si ah ked rist wen s. I was ab nce , I be ca t didn taki im ou I w actu caus me to ’t ng ov po t it as ally e in bed. wri m ti er. rtan . I 14 fa I ha and Yo te y m bo on LK t desc , so ked d kn he ur a no or ps rn is th : Ye leg. ri I w a ow said sist te ning w yc , no ey ah.W So bed as lot. n , “L er fo . I m an hen hiat m wou he yo ou a go I yo in un just ed I d I yo ric atte ld n u di r fa od neve u m da d pu icat m just rem u flo r w pl I w sapp m fake r y , I ha me t th ion of om fe em wer or ha ay a as in ea ily r. fake who ve and e an qu yo en lt, ‘W be e bo we t ti lit th ring as EK d m le no th bott d I if es u. A t th ow r yo rn he me tle e ho ju a ta : W y life id ey les just be I sp tion nd at I , ur , an ard of lull sp st ble, ell love as ea took ba didn to co en so that took this eyes d it. day aby ital, knoc an that fo the how m ck in ’t is m ’s m m m t e ju they And or ni ever the ked d yo ’s w r yo mos you’ e to th stop to st on e, “M lik o uch ha thos my st . ha gh y ho th u ha u t re th e ta ood ths. om e yo muc ab rd e pi da lock nd I th t. tim sp e w t w bu se al e ho med And I ke it. ” A , u. h ou to ac lls, ught ed ed ou So e a ital who ere as t I cure ive. sp icin ing mea care A ch nd it I co LK : tim t mys ce I w er.’ on you ght on baby ’s tr le the so pu was pe ” EK ital e yo n, of ild w ul I e el pt. as B m to ab th ’s adi- thin mos zzlin suic rson : I w . The g be u I kn th ’s as dn’t rem wit f an EK : n’t ut, ine. m out e t g idal . LK as d I th in And e m co ow eir job terr ev em h so : be ore me ba it’s mot is to ifyi en lo ber you, I th bega inki that lie pr no her be ng ok you I w ough n to ng bu “p ve ou ck ro that d from t ov em a ch t I at yo sayi ould t, er ot ud lik ,” you of yo th ye iona ild, unde u fo ng e bu ca u. is, t, lly no r- r us that t it m n us LK I co but . EK t to w bo ak e : ul se : th ill nd es the I ca dn’t eer al be m w n’ or t e. m A way tw e feel d ea nd s ee ns n wor th be ld th at m to e e.
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did ow that : H er lk to r th u . KW o ta Yo 50 his m t to SM: Yeah. er : ge rs. was ld SM diff to d n s I to n’t u . es e do yo ah ng te o gu e. H I to ye hi an ag d : I m So ilar me, met ey w e w , I ha and th . . SM ned eak. sim ed as so , th on ow y ion e n w ow rl kn rm 58 ow g fr is u A ivis th t y ow e is was d in il is er kn e gi yo the D as ou l I son fuck fam rs d th You e th But in rne at w was ah. y te ew . b : s bo th I ye ort nti y e g u m th : M gh kn did to SM ar ir til y, p , so ye . A n in ell, ith KW au ays s d itar p er ” 5 on : W o w r. y d alw boy ante Right t 1 nd ing, es u mil va su oth ers! 2 siti d ghte m I er I w : en e 82 harg oth the the each sist ke th p, th an ? SM sp ck KW li cl to th u o o e au d u t tr t yo ng dd : B ing the An s]. : I to rd-c en’s h in eah, ng at ar at ’clo ow star cep ythi gran ? KW ow gs ns. augh e. KW ing y ha om : O : Y icki ally ffee 10 o l kn ghs] t. re co u gr in dia [l iv go rett w . SM KW itp n’t ac t an y at s al [lau un I th did ily an r m yo was e d In ffee surv per p ng id p — n guys for e er co t : I fam ’t w n o ned n I sam an g co uld roo ere eari afra ou like u ’s ther serv : Me? dis , bu for s in y rs is as KW ur n so ow he e co at w t w as gr st yo ny e yo did and r dis : W th boy ak at I par iers star I w port ju ell, Den leav : The s. KW ilitar ghte : It tion he y gr te SM like Cow d m th as a sold n’t ause p then , “W in nd KW esse t m dau . SM ues su d id sit : A s] tr n y nal q m gh h. n’t d an so s, e id ec it. r dau : Yea I did y an ing n’t lace , th I d it b der g an le sa uld KW augh e wai erce st m itio t o of KW t. rm sew I was l p as in ray. ’t do sgen kin eop wo k — : [l l th ty p lo nd oub glad en y A as f al w ort n an d jo p e ar KW al en ve nco a d m pla at w who , o its I to p ould e tr te : — t. W e d & ith t tw to ha ot u er : I’ th be sted un d I w at th star SM a lo ’d b . SM ts w ge rts is n nev . KW to enli the u ha y. et we s] lk d it ight flir We hu ve re’s ster I nd e yo ilitar e m nd augh d ta an at n e KW: , it d lo he y si : Sh s] ow an e. T m A ag m , w : A : [l an oon ck im the en SM KW nd rn lo s. SM gh kn et, r m are of ut th p — — ou afte o’c u : [lau You stre fo ou B ou uff t ar e 10 ow KW s] ay ere : Y gh o-w th SM gr d st o si th — s kn & s t. an e d ck in SM: ager ! SM : [lau a tw way no W lo ht an do ! KW ot al e or o’c nig e m you do is n u’re b at th es, we ve : Yo ould us, : Y es, t lo KW w SM : Y ou us. you SM und of er fo me th so whe to
OF STORIES OF STRUGGLE
GP: Farm he went ing was the family to colle Matt tradition. where he just felt that ge and he studi And even that wanted that to be, but was where he ed to do some though decisions.”he died, that thing else, I’m think morning, he it was where needed to be. just he need Mayb said ing, “This starte get through is norm to me, “I feel ed to be. And e not and I’ve d to get dark. the planting, al stress paralyzed. the we’d Then, my got dinne you.” I can’t day phone rangbe okay.” But . This is sprin had. He We always said r ready and and it was he didn’t come gtime. If we make was at the you’r that, alway kind could Matt. I s. And I e tired. Why don’t very humbof a love letter place wher said, “Wh in for dinner, said, “I e . he And ling you and it died ere love farmers he said for me twice in when he called you too.” Thatcome home?” are you? It’s dark to to And And when ask for help. read the word that me. was I’ve alway s that Matt letter, “I think He left a letter the last conv he said, “I love did you you get down s ersat you shou wrot to feel , your instincompared it ld have me that was ion that we knew the about me takin to one e, and I think ct is to very beau Trent person about it tiful, taking care tor comi sounds of Matt g over the farm work harder, a lot.You farm for you.” ’s tractors. ng down and TA: It ? GP: You of know, it’s it wasn A farm know a lot of times an 18-hole really hardwas ’t Matt the road. And on it. So. I rememberwife sort of , it’s funny, I’m , that’s not the golf course by like is, “Grie for know them not I’ve right the a f s selve read real mech thing that. first time you looke is love with a lot of anical perso to do. How s. that you And I could alway are you d out for me andno place to go.” different defin came,Tren n, but I s hear Matt ition really?” Um. TA: quite often I But you just never s of grief, and t, with the ’s ways you tractor, tracask, you You do and one let you don’tMatt were quite ask that a lot. know, “How me be alone of them I really and very long. are you?” GP: Beca alike. TA: think abou use And And But, t suicid a decision I am then, “How when I will ask e. I mean, just, you think concerned. In abou some He was myself, an excel ‘What a lot of times befort Matt Peters, e him. I’ve lent farmer would Matt have doneI make and every told you to you that befor one respected ?’ know that e, but I want one GP: Than k you. more time. everythingHe was my .
: tot Do you fee ally rem em life ling of, in love, with, wi I hav and couber wh e fou hid th me.W and ldn at it wh e it, hen , discov nd the ’t tell was like som the at it wa it takes anyon when secon eth ering person aw s tal we I am e? SC : d day like wh ay a litt ing hap that I and k to going I do. were 19 en we le bit pen cou tha father that sheme. She , and to spe I rem of the s that ldn’t mo tol t we if , had they cou his practi would giv d me tha were the ved to Oh joy of makes have any nd the ember the you bee on ce, ou ld fin res re t e io? and r friend n togeth fix me. your ext us three it was a that you SC : Oh ding som feel so goe else cel t of my s and tha Th sm er your t we we fam for 33 at obvio ended famdays to all tow r mothe io, yes! eone. BC od and ebrate you it ily get I rem r yea n, : mo re been m dec going and tel rs wh usly did ily. BC : out of that youcame by em Do you have tow diagn iding to tak l them en we n’t wo Well, and ber Oh rem to r the osed that e car that finally rk sin they n so tha father wa said tha io. I remember ais the ember three le before with a her dau e of eac we loved for the ce we’re n sen t we wo s a pro t she wa ght t bri h mi for abodays to she die an hem er sho other foreach oth first tim still tog me to a uldn’t dis nent do nted to d. uld get er ether. psychi e orr grace ctor, had ut three out of SC : An hage, have thethe res and tha got to d sta SC : (La atrist to your t it t and ughs) see from in her seconds, town BC this is the she act right of our livewe cared nd up to in : We chu bac ter say rch. kyard, and the Yes sam same wo ually wa marry s. And for each front of e n It wi other nted BC : My I rem know ing, you was a bea th thr said ok woman. man (in to wa mo ember ee ay, uni , So ried. they did know, Bo utiful cer or four we’ll hav we tho son ) tha lk us do m had wn mi t all BC that : I did the combbi and emony. nister e a civil ught abo gave us we cou n’t bel I rem s, a San ut un mi and ld rea ieve tting di did it ember lot of frieion. We it, sta family ting pu ch bu that the stuff, and backw the mi nds t jus bli nis ard re being there hapcly and t having was anothen go s, you having ther t marthe our 19 aga py for love. in and us wa our frie cerem level nds ony celebr s sor ating t of lik and e
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48
was ing yed iles ds nce ee at th be jo m l n d si d ean ly en d 20 ia llie oth a ki I m real alke a spec g bu ly n al ’t was es, — w as bein d re idn d iah im s he e w m et ay e, H ally on, an iah he m re m f w ubl : Je so t o tro . DC actu g re ol JL: up lo in son as goin d Je scho id g a y w iah? in out was m He was t, an high he d m . re grow left iend was rely hat ou in if st t Je e a fr he ve w m th him la ou tim nd t a at : Se em g hi mon ked the th ki ab gh ugh d JL th llin a as ’s d bit u was tho rou … l, tell pu hin ne, that p an p by o ut it le a to he nd te litt d d if he very ted ho abo d w e pho .” A ors ith en sc an th ad do w e a ha , an h, m He was nd u . I’m rm the lked ol on u, d my self e n m th A ow to to ta ho m tell s. u nd he l. kn ing t we sc hi yo p o hi g yo pou way tbal u be wen e, gh lled love u ed rin an 0 the foo d, yo was tly wif to hi I ca , “I ed kill du ses , an y t , id ow h fe as n : C 32 DC ", ard aphy frie d he nst d m en r 20 Sa s sh mia s li s gl n 6'6 kw gr at , an I co an w obe did.” eriff Jere k hi ay, hi w aw hoto d th an ol. Me he ct I sh at too t d thro gh p fin g m ho ne. . So . O eah, wo th e ha od ou I to un le sc do that as it , “Y . T ed : H t. T , fo en , yo idd as do w said him rm . DC rrec tsed Just know mm g w to that he om info om Co an es. ou co in ant ed s, d fr ch ro JL: dep am . Y he cked y w ecid ore ar mu bath ll. as f n ore re sho m d s ch I he y e reca w o ym whe ly at ve hi me rett th if I , he nch an m real g th ha ti p , in ur ed a bu ke o t in ust ev uh, gun ho troy ed ’t ta thro wha th e m ief n ays a nch des call ldn ba d last H gr alw as lu e , u at an e er. he ’ll w wer n him he co to th ide, is th app t. T you t, I so o at in suic is cr gh t, en or, e th ent d th as a trau guil s par tect nsibl , w itte was w dis he iah’ pro spo ow m e saw ally . T m his re u kn me ’s o ti ” m n re away Jere be that n. Y ell ng. so en es as hi be go I w d to ne tio “W yt n it er ve. ose e o ac say, ever he to w es ha pp th that ple s su m r eo al ot m is. I’ fo p he N co th
I got up and I was taking my morning medication and I just didn’t stop. And I took 180 pills. I didn’t write a note. I just put the bottles back in the medicine cabinet and went to bed.Your sister found me and they took me to the hospital. The psychiatrist came in and he said, “Linda, I have no idea how you’re alive.” EK: I was so shocked because I had known you my whole life as the most secure person. LK: Yeah, I actually faked a lot. I never faked my love for you but I was suicidal since I was 14, so I was a good faker. EK: Well that’s what was so puzzling about it. I described our family as a table, and you were the most important leg. So you disappearing just knocked the whole thing over. LK: Yeah. When I was in the hospital, the hospital’s tradition is they would play a little lullaby every time a baby’s born, no matter what time of day or night. So on the psychiatric floor we heard it. And I thought about when you were born, and they handed you to me and I remember your eyes just locked on mine. And I just felt, ‘Wow, this is my daughter.’ But, in that moment that I took those pills, I wasn’t thinking of you. And that’s hard to accept. EK: I began to question so much about myself and I thought, if I spent too much time with you, I would become like you. LK: I remember you saying to me, “Mom, I couldn’t even look at you for months.” And it was terrifying but I understood it. A child’s job is to be a child, not to take care of their mother emotionally. EK: I mean, I know it’s not over yet, but seeing you come back from this, I couldn’t be more proud of you. LK: I can’t believe that you can use the word “proud,” but it makes me feel like that bond between us will always be there. And that means the world to me.
LK:
OR ST
TJ: That day, I had a bad feeling. I immediately started scouring the news websites, and it said that there were three US soldiers killed in Khost, Afghanistan, and I knew obviously that’s where she was stationed. SJ: So how did you get notified? TJ: I knew that any communication about Donna was gonna come to you guys, because, even though we were married, I wasn’t considered her next of kin. So Donna’s sister called me and told me that the military people were there. So I grabbed a copy of our marriage certificate. I went to your place, and I said, “You know, I’m her… her wife. And I brought documentation.” The Notification Officer looks at it, and then he looks at me, and he looks at it again and he goes, “Can I have a copy of this?” And when a soldier’s fallen, they usually have a military escort that brings them home. And I said, “Can I do it, because I’m military?” He goes, “Well, we’ll see.” But I know it wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for your insistence. SJ: I just… I did not want her coming home with a stranger. I wanted her coming home to family. TJ: I was flown up to Dover to see her brought back on American soil. And honestly, I can’t tell you how great of an honor it is to escort a fallen hero home, but then when that hero is your wife, it means a lot more. And uh, I was given all her awards, and all her personal documents that I had to turn over to you. And one of the hardest things for me was our wedding ring. I actually slept with it that night. I put her ring on with mine because I thought it was going to be the last time I was going to get to see it. SJ: Wow. I gave you your ring back. I thought that was only natural. Because I don’t know how the Army or any military does it, I just know what’s fair is fair. TJ: You know, I’m so thankful for everything you’ve done. You allowed me to be named as a spouse in the obituary. Being given a flag in a private ceremony before the funeral, being given a second copy of all her awards, being allowed to sit in the front pew, and pretty much being treated as family the entire time, cause in reality... SJ: In reality, you married my daughter and that was it. TJ: But if anybody else were in my shoes, they could’ve been completely shut out and not had anything. So I understand how blessed I am to be a part of your family. SJ: Well, I want you to know that I’m very proud of you. I consider you mine, because Donna considered you hers. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
KW: I didn’t start transitioning until I was 58. SM: I guess I was 50. KW: How did your family accept you? SM: Well, my son disowned me. He told his mother that he didn’t want anything to do with the fucking freak. So I don’t get to talk to my grandson or my granddaughter. KW: My family is similar to yours. SM: Your daughter disowned you? KW: Both my daughters disowned me, yeah. SM: Yeah. KW: Yeah. SM: When I was growing up, I always knew there was something different. I didn’t like the same things the other boys did.You know, they wanted to play Army and Cowboys and Indians. And I wanted to be the girl on the wagon that was sewing and making coffee [laughs]. KW: Right. SM: But you know, I had to be who I wasn’t so that I could survive. KW: I spent 15 years in the Army and I enlisted, of all places, as a paratrooper going to the 82nd Airborne Division. And the units I was in, the soldiers were pretty hard-charging, so that was the image you had to portray. I didn’t start wearing women’s clothes until I was out of the military. I wouldn’t do it because I was afraid. SM: Oh in the military, yeah. But then, we met at the transgender support group — KW: Yeah, the va support group — SM: And we started joking and then just like nitpicking at each other, and stuff — KW: [laughs] SM: — people said, “Well, you guys really are sisters!” We do sit around and talk a lot. We would sit in Denny’s for coffee at like 2 o’clock in the afternoon and it’d be dark — KW: And leave there at 10 o’clock at night SM: — 10 o’clock at night. SM & KW: [laughs] KW: The servers all know us, the managers know us. SM: She flirts with all the waitresses. KW: Me? [laughs] SM: Yes, you do! SM & KW: [laughs] KW: We get twenty percent military discount. SM: Yes, we do! KW: [laughs] You know, it hurts to have lost my daughters, but I found out love is not a two-way street, and love is not unconditional. SM: It is for some of us. KW: You’re always there for me. There’s never a doubt or question as to whether you would be or not. SM: You are my sister. KW: I’m glad of it.
I , . e d e e g. as ge es, n’t day, feelin star te ebsit e thre anistan she w : I knew a com I was told m arria r wife en at Th bad ely ws w e wer , Afgh here ed? TJ gonn ried, e and our m r… he and th ” a iat ne as st ar w m er of tifi it, he this? had immed the at th in Kho that’s get no na w ere m called copy , I’m s at py of ings g on ok I rin id th lled sly you t D we w ter bed a know r lo a co at br l, scou it sa iers ki obviou w did abou ough na’s sis grab “You Office I have rt th , “Wel and sold ew So ho ation en th Don So I id, tion “Can esco goes your US I kn d. SJ: munic e, ev n. So there. d I sa ifica goes, ilitary ?” He t for er. ng and ione com caus of ki were ace, an e Not d he a m tary wasn’ stra to stat any ys, be r next ople ur pl ” Th ain an have mili if it ith a over u that you gu ed he ry pe to yo tation. it ag ually use I’m ened me w to D ll yo us ca te to ider milita ent men oks at ey happ ing ho n up n’t then be cons the te. I w t docu he lo llen, th do it, t have com as flow ly, I ca but was that ifica ough and r’s fa an I ldn’ t her : I w nest home, uh, I d cert d I br at me, ldie id, “C it wou t wan ily. TJ d ho hero And at I ha An looks n a so d I sa ow did no fam soil. An llen ore. ts th e was he d whe me. An t I kn … I me to ican rt a fa lot m men for m t her Bu I just g ho Amer esco ns a docu ings I pu st ho An al e.” la in ea : em th to th ll se e. SJ com ck on is ght. the g it m rson est we’ tenc her t ba nor it wife, r pe hard that ni to be ur rin insis anted brough an ho your d all he of the it ing u yo how with was go ve yo know TJ: I w her t of ro is , an one see grea at he ards And slept t it . I ga n’t is fair. ed how n th her aw you. tually though Wow e I do fair allow a whe n all er to g. I ac e I it. SJ: Becaus what’s .You g in give rn ov rin becaus see ral. ow done n a fla py of ng tu tu kn ve ve co h to eddi mine get to ly na just you’ ing gi cond muc I w to on our on with ing was es it, ything y. Be n a se etty realipr go at ar do er g rin I was ght th tary for ev obitu g give w, and SJ: In y else ili e in e ... tim . I thou any m ankful in th ral, be nt pereality anybod t and or so th ouse fune the fro e in t if ut ou to back my in caus TJ: Bu y sh I am a sp the Ar I’m the ow, med as fore to sit time, as it. pletel essed you to kn ed e m t bl be nw You be na mony g allow entir that en co how I wan I co to re e and ve be tand ell, you. onna in e th m e ce , be ily W d of hter uld’ ders . SJ: ds e D dI at m priv r awar d as fa y daug they co So I un mily prou becaus rs. An y fa ry an . m he he all treate ried shoes, hing your I’m ve mine, you ve it yt g . ha y of at ar th you idered ldn’t r way bein u m e in m had an part yo er a know sider cons wou othe not be ty, w
BC: Do you remember what it was like when we were 19, and totally in love, and couldn’t tell anyone? SC: I do. I remember the feeling of, I have found the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with, and , discovering that I couldn’t have anyone else celebrate it with me. When something happens that makes you feel so good and you have to hide it, it takes away a little bit of the joy of finding someone. BC: Do you remember what it was like when we moved to Ohio? SC: Ohio, yes! I remember Ohio. I remember the second day that we were there that your mother came by and said that she wanted to talk to me. She told me that it was a small town, that your father was a prominent doctor, and that she would give us three days to get out of town so that we wouldn’t disgrace your father, his practice, your extended family. BC: Well, they then sent me to a psychiatrist to see if they could fix me. That obviously didn’t work since we’re still together. SC: (Laughs) We had been together for 33 years when we finally for the first time got to stand up in front of our friends and family and tell them that we loved each other and that we cared for each other and that we were going to take care of each other for the rest of our lives. And I remember your mom deciding that her daughter should have the right to marry BC: My mom had been diagnosed with a brian hemorrhage, and she actually wanted to walk us down the aisle before she died. SB: And this is the same woman (in unison) that gave us three days to get out of town BC: Yes same woman. So we thought about it, for about three seconds, and then said okay, we’ll have a civil union. We had it in her backyard, with three or four ministers, a lot of friends from church. It was a beautiful ceremony. I remember the minister saying, you know, Bobbi and Sandi did it backwards, you know, they did all the committing stuff, and then got married. BS: I didn’t believe that there was another level that we could reach but just having the ceremony and stating publicly and having our friends and family there happy for us was sort of like being 19 again and celebrating our love.
GH: I was homeless 12 years and I can’t even begin to tell you the misery of rain. I don’t even care how slight the rainfall is, it was misery beyond belief. And then sometimes you sleep during the day because it’s warm enough to sleep and then at night you keep moving so you don’t freeze. And I used to watch people get on the busses and I used to say, you know, those are normal people and you feel anything but normal. One time I just happened to be sitting on this bag ’cause if you didn’t carry your blankets or your jackets around in a bag they were gone. And here comes a homeless man so dirty it was just awful I mean his hands were like black with the exception of his knuckles and joints where the bone had kind of rubbed through the dirt. He had rags tied on his feet and his hair was matted in two big nasty dreads. And out of all the people in skid row he looked down at me and reached in his pocket and pulled out a dollar in change, ’cause that’s all he had. And he gave it to me and he said, “Here, man, I feel sorry for you!” And he shuffled away. Something about that moment changed everything and I just said, “Oh no no no no. I’m going to get some help.” With that dollar in change I caught the bus and I went to the psych unit in the hospital. You know, I still think about it sometimes and I don’t have regrets for anything that happened because going through the homelessness just made me so grateful, determined, thankful. And now every time it rains and I have keys in my pocket, I have a joy of life that you cannot believe.
TJ:
GP: Farming was the family tradition. And even though he went to college and he studied to do something else, Matt just felt that that was where he needed to be. Maybe not where DC: Can you tell me a little bit about Jeremiah? JL: Jeremiah was a kid that was he wanted to be, but it was where he needed to be. And the day that 6'6", 320 pounds. He had a tough time growing up sometimes, I mean being he died, that morning, he said to me, “I feel paralyzed. I can’t make deciawkward the way he was, and he was kinda left out a lot of ways — really enjoyed sions.” I’m thinking, “This is normal stress. This is springtime. If we could just photography, football. And uh, if he thought a friend was in trouble, he walked 20 miles get through the planting, we’d be okay.” But he didn’t come in for dinner, and it startto find that friend, you know. I’m very proud that he was my son. DC: He was a special needs ed to get dark. Then, my phone rang and it was Matt. I said, “Where are you? It’s dark and young man, and he was being tormented by… JL: Severely. He was actually being bullied since I’ve got dinner ready and you’re tired. Why don’t you come home?” And he said, “I love you.” middle school. I constantly went to the school, tell them what was going on, and really nothWe always said that, always. And I said, “I love you too.” That was the last conversation that we had. ing was done. Me and my wife, we talked about pulling him out, and Jeremiah didn’t He was at the place where he died when he called me. He left a letter to me that was very beautiful, kind want to do that. So he went to high school and within a month in high school he of a love letter. And he said twice in that letter, “I think you should have Trent farm for you.” TA: It was very decided that was it. October 20, I called him on the phone, asked him if he did humbling for me to read the words that Matt wrote, and I think about it a lot.You know, it’s really hard for farmers his chores, he said, “Yeah, I did.” Said, “I love you, dad.” And that’s the last to ask for help. I’ve always compared it to one person taking care of an 18-hole golf course by themselves. And when time I heard from him. Two sheriffs showed up on my doorstep and T J : you get down, your instinct is to work harder, and a lot of times, that’s not the right thing to do. How did you uh, pretty much informed that Jeremiah killed himself with My mothfeel about me taking over the farm? GP: You know, it’s funny, I’m not a real mechanical person, but I knew a gun, in the bathroom. DC: He took his life during the er wasn’t realthe sounds of Matt’s tractors. A farm wife sort of knows that. And I could always hear Matt’s tractor lunch hour if I recall. JL: Correct. That day, his glasses ly around when coming down the road. And I remember the first time that you came, Trent, with the tractor, and were destroyed, he was depantsed, food thrown my brother and I were it wasn’t Matt on it. So. I’ve read a lot of different definitions of grief, and one of them I really on him, called a bunch of names. Just enough like is, “Grief is love with no place to go.” But you just never let me be alone very long. And young. She was in prison a that he couldn’t take anymore. You know, I you looked out for me and quite often I ask, you know, “How are you?” And then, “How lot, so I was with my aunt and went into that bathroom where he commitare you really?” Um. TA: You do ask that a lot. GP: Because I am concerned. In some her kids and my brother — about ted suicide, and what really shocked me ways you and Matt were quite alike. TA: But, when you think about Matt Peters, seven of us. We shared a room in one of was this is the last thing that my son saw you don’t think about suicide. I mean, just, a lot of times before I make the city’s homeless shelters. As if high school was a crapper. He must have been really a decision I will ask myself, ‘What would Matt have done?’ distraught. The grief never goes away. is not hard enough itself, you know, the hour and He was an excellent farmer and everyone respected The guilt, you’ll always have. I was a half bus ride, it was kind of exhausting. JH: And most KK: You and I and your dad and Jack and him. I’ve told you that before, but I want Jeremiah’s parent, I was supposed people didn’t know this, and we kept yelling at you for the dog, we sleep in our car. When the rain you to know that one more time. to be his protector, so I’m the one being late. TJ: I was embarrassed. I was 14, and I was homeless. GP: Thank you. He was my comes down or it’s cold and the inside of the winthat’s responsible for that action. everything. I didn’t want people to look at me like, Oh you know, she needs dows ice up it’s very confusing and lonely. One time You know, people say, “Well charity. We have to take care of her. But there were all these things that we were all asleep and a car pulls up perpendicular to us time heals everything.” I needed for my classes — and I was just like, we don’t have money for this and turned their brights on and started yelling, ”Hey” over and Not when it comes stuff. I went to my aunt, and I remember she sent me to school with notes over again. And it turns out it’s some high school kids waking us up to this. that explained the situation. I think the first teacher I gave the note to, to see who’s in the car and what we’re doing. I don’t think they realized came to school with this bag of things for me. And, I didn’t know it was a family sleeping in a car. And I just felt ashamed. How is it to be how to accept it. But after that, she never treated me difaround your friends? EK: I mean, we’ve been living in our car for over a year ferently, and I think that’s one of the things I apprenow, so I’m pretty sure some of them kind of have a hunch. There’s only so long you ciated. I knew that I’m intelligent, you know. can lie without them like, suspecting. But I don’t really want them to, like, pity me. And I have a brain with thoughts that matter. JH: You’re working I’ve had to adjust the way I do things completely for school. I try to go to the library to do your way through college with the extra burden of caring for your brother and caring my homework but sometimes that’s just kind of impossible. Like, we’re not near one or we for your mom… TJ: I work part time for a financial management compadon’t have enough gas to get to one. And that kind of screwed up my gpa and any chances of ny. I go to school, and I help my brother with his homework. I try to getting into colleges I would want to get into. I worry about that a lot. KK: Erika, I don’t do my homework. I don’t really go out much. You know, I was so think sometimes you know how strong you are.You are an extremely bright young tired today, I stayed up all night studying. I wanted to go to woman. And you can go to college. And you will go to college. EK: You, you bed so bad, but I can’t because I have to get A’s. I have tell me that I have my life ahead of me, but I think that you do too. to do well in school. It’s the only thing I have that And I, I’d have no idea what I’d be doing with myself if you can get me out. There’s so many people who weren’t around. KK: I think this whole thing has taken us could, you know, be the next Bill Gates and for a spin. And this is one thing as a mom I didn’t change the world. But because they’re expect I’d have to try to fix. I’ve been able poor or they’re living in poverty, to fix everything else, but this… they’re instantly written off I’m having a hard time fixing. because no one thinks And I’m disappointed they’ll make it. I that I can’t. just want to make it.
HANNAH GASKAMP
The first iteration of this idea didn’t have great spacing, and also had a few minor typesetting problems, but they were all quickly solved. At least it worked!
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
I printed a full-sized copy out of smaller squares (it took nine pages!) and taped them all together. I added the title down the middle and “sometimes in the struggle you fold (along the dotted lines)” I was very proud of this line.
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE POSTER
HANNAH GASKAMP
The dotted lines of the poster, and the poor print quality of once again, my home printer.
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
Unfortunately, the “along the dotted lines� part was deemed a little redundant, and the dotted lines themselves were taken off. People could figure it out without that. But finally, I got a full size, single page print of my poster. There was one print with some minor type issues still, but one more printing and it was good to go. Things lined up nearly perfectly, and the poster was successfully finished.
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE POSTER
HANNAH GASKAMP
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
THE COVER
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
THE COVER
When I had the folding poster that had the lines to instruct the reader, this cover idea was popular. The next idea, with turned text, imitated the idea of the turning you have to do to read the book, but after the systematizing of the layouts, you no longer had to turn the book this way and it didn’t quite work the same. One more rough idea was to fold the corner over to create the cover, also reminiscent of the folding poster and was didn’t fit going forward.
Stories of Struggle
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
HANNAH GASKAMP
PROCESS BOOK
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
Here are some miscellaneous notes on the back of my rough covers. I often take notes on the backs of random papers I have around me. These seem to be extended notes from the protocol, my favorite ideas I wanted to try and do.
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE COVER
HANNAH GASKAMP
When you live with someone you tend to bounce ideas off of them. When I was looking for a title, I was asking my girlfriend for help. She adamantly thought that “Stories of Struggle� was too long and would be hard to typeset. I suggested maybe splitting it up, as is popular now. Breaking up the word somewhat unnecessarily. She had the idea to flip them upside down, just like you have to in the book itself. We also played with the idea of one solid word being upside down, but the word splitting worked out.
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
She also suggested a transparent book jacket, and my immediate thought was that I should die-cut it and have the shapes on it. I already anticipated the cover being on colored paper, so a clear/white jacket would solve the issue of the shapes being the wrong color. I tried to die-cut the title using a diecutter we have on campus, and it worked pretty nicely. The only issue was the “of � being too thin. It was taken off for the next iteration, as seen on the next page.
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE COVER
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PROCESS BOOK
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
The final struggle of this project was that the only place I could print on already die-cut vellum was my house, with the printer we have already seen is not the best. It printed the test copy just fine, but when it came to the final, it was not having it. It would print for a second and the give up, only printing the blue.
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE COVER
HANNAH GASKAMP
It would catch the die-cut and rip it.
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
I finally got it to just print the pattern, but it was absolutely not having trying to print in the middle where the letters were missing.
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE COVER
HANNAH GASKAMP
Finally with my last die-cut page, since it was new and flat, it printed. But it printed crooked. As you can see, the “of ” and the “nine StoryCorps stories” don’t match up with the printing underneath it.
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
My solution, at the last minute, was to go from this cover...
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE COVER
HANNAH GASKAMP
to this one. I took off the offending words so you couldn’t tell that it didn’t line up. In the end, though, I printed the pattern and the text on uncut vellum, and then die-cut it after that at the last minute. I hated how crooked the text was, and I also did a poor job at creasing it.
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THE FINAL PRODUCT
BOOK DESIGN 2018
At long last, after much struggle, the book was done.
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE FINAL PRODUCT
HANNAH GASKAMP
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BOOK DESIGN 2018
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STORIES OF STRUGGLE
THE FINAL PRODUCT