most of my childhood…. Parenthood? If I hadn’t lived such a chaotic life being constantly away, if I had been smarter or better adjusted…. If it had to happen all over again, I’d probably make all the same mistakes.” A scene in which Jonathan admits needing to leave the screenings each time because of the emotional weight carried in those words. HSM asks, “Obviously, we will never truly know, but do you believe Saul could have been a better father if Johnny Cash had never been a factor in his life?” ….. “I don’t blame Johnny Cash for the way my father was. I think my father would have been the same person more or less had he been a doctor, a lawyer or something else. On the other hand, there is no question that Cash was unique and very challenging… he was all but unmanageable. I’ve heard people say to me that it’s interesting that just as my father seemed to be losing control over Johnny, he seemed to be exerting more control over me. I was named after Johnny and in watching the film you’ll see that my father made me sign contracts and his disciplinary methods were that of which would be handled between a business man and his clients. He saw my brother and I as a kind of clay that he could mold into exactly what he wanted as children. And just like Johnny, I rebelled. And so my father didn’t get what he wanted ultimately.” So has Jonathan made peace with the man he thought he’d never know? “I approached the story as a hostile witness. I was no more a fan of my father than I was of Johnny Cash, but over the course of getting to know him and listening to him speak, I got to learn my father’s inner most thoughts about parenthood before and after I was born. It was a very cathartic experience. Sharing his story has allowed me to forgive him but also to reconcile what we didn’t have.”
178 Halfstackmag.com
Johnny Cash passed away on September 12th, 2003. Saul and Johnny hadn’t seen each other in over 20 years at the time of Johnny’s death. Less than 2 years later, Saul would commit suicide, just 8 months before “Walk the Line” hit movie theaters. “When his health began to fail, just as he had done when he quit Johnny, Saul drew up a list of pros & cons for committing suicide. My father put Josh and me in the pro column. Writing, [detente with boys (instead?) of total alienation.] Saul considered this a success. Rather than risk serious illness and giving up control, my father committed rational suicide on March 17, 2005.” Winning 9 awards in the Film Festival circuit all over the world, including the “Orson Welles Award” at Tiburon International Film Festival in the U.S., this documentary has captivated audiences in over 15 countries worldwide since its release internationally in June of 2012. The debut of the documentary hit the United States on September 6, just 6 days before the 10th anniversary of the death of Johnny Cash. It’s as if the universe opened up, and the stars karmically aligned to bring you this intense personal adventure featuring one of the 20th century’s greatest music icons to tell you an inside story on “bad boy” Johnny Cash, his talented but highly troubled manager, Saul Holiff, and a son searching for his father in the shadows of a legend. “I’m very gratified that I am able to tell a story that no one has heard before. People thought that everybody knew Johnny Cash and so the highest compliment I’m paid by reviewers and audiences alike is [We thought we knew Johnny Cash].” “My Father & The Man in Black” is touring the U.S. and hitting movie theaters in only select cities. To find a city near you, please visit: http://johnnyand-saul.com/screenings. Buy your copy of the film at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/MyFather-Man-Black/dp/B00E0P8ZLC or on Itunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/movie/id687555496.