MoeSAMPLE

MOE IS A D*CK by Ida Cuttler

Ida Cuttler 18 Nash Apt 1, New Haven, CT 06511 415 686 7389 ida.cutt@gmail.com

CHARACTERS PENELOPE*

f, 62. White. Speaks with a thick southern New England accent.

ISH

f, 20. White. Daughter of Penelope. Ish is short for Ishmael.

QUEE

Non-binary, 22. Black. Quee is third generation Cape Verdean American. AFAB/ with a Masculine gender presentation.

RADIO ANNOUNCER

Played by same actor who plays Quee

VOICEMAIL

Played by same actor who plays Ish

VOICEMAIL 2

Played by same actor who plays Penelope

WHALED AD**

A recorded voice over

A NOTE ON CASTING *PENELOPE's missing leg should be played seriously. No peg legs. **WHALES AD is a recording. It should be a di!erent voice than anyone in the cast.

SETTING New Mellville, Massachusetts (a "ctional town resembling a rapidly gentrifying coastal former whaling town See: Fall River or New Bedford) TIME Something akin to our present day. Chapter 1 takes place in the New Mellville Art Center the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Chapter 2 takes place in Quee's apartment the Sunday before Thanksgiving through Thanksgiving morning. Chapter 3 takes place in Penelope's house on Thanksgiving. Chapter 4 takes place in Ish's car on Black Friday. Chapter 5 is back in Quee's apartment, six hours after the end of Chapter 4. Epilogue takes place in Ish's car six years after the end of Chapter 4.

TEXT NOTES Any quotes from Moby Dick appear in the script as "underlined italics quotes" but don't worry about it. When spoken, these quotes should just blend in with the rest of the dialogue or at least only slightly tickle our ears. / indicates overlapping dialogue < indicates anything not said out loud NOTES FOR PERFORMANCE The chapter titles/headings in the script should be visible to the audience.

The space and transitions and ensemble and audience's experience should all evoke working on the deck of a ship Consider a large sheet that evokes a sail always present in the background as a projection surface, consider the use of an overhead projector and transparencies.

Consider any scene changes being fully seen by the audience with all the lights on and the crew dressed like sailors.

Potential Soundtrack and Vibes (for scene changes): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/ 3APtC0ZVkvOTg6SNb4DGjp?si=oWCoqxvKTrKgJkR0rTooWA&pi=upErxXEtJTXur&nd=1&dlsi=1e3cbf62faf94d94

1.

ACT I CHAPTER 1: "LOOMINGS" (New Mellville Art Center, about 3pm in the afternoon.

The weaving studio is empty save for PENELOPE who sits at a large floor loom weaving. Classical music plays from an onstage boombox. RADIO ANNOUNCER enters and presses pause on boom box, then addresses the audience in a stereotypical classical radio announcer voice.)

RADIO ANNOUNCER Good afternoon. You are listening to 42.7, New Melville's very own station for classical music. From Bach to Beethoven, Mozart to Rachmaninov: the harmonious sounds of strings, woodwinds, timpani and piccolo: whatever it may be that lead you to turn that dial... we are glad you are here. I'm Reman Lavelle, keeping you company every Sunday afternoon- playing those gentle classical favorites. Next up we have our very own CapeCod Symphony Orchestra, this is Debussy's La Mer...

(RADIO ANNOUNCER presses play on the boombox, music creeps back in. RADIO ANNOUNCER either exits or just goes off the the side. PENELOPE is speaking on the phone but please, no phone props) PENELOPE Just calling to say hi! And miss ya! Happy Thanksgiving. Almost.

Do you think you're coming here? How come you don't do the cute voicemails like you used to? Remember when you recorded silly voices on the home phone?

Why don't you do that anymore?

Have you decided if you're coming home on Thursday? I need to know if I'm getting the air mattress out of the cellah.

I had a dream about ya last night. I can't really remember all of it.

It wasn't a whole beginning, middle, end type dream.

It was more just random facts... "absent-minded...extracts" from the depth of my subconscious...ha! The mind. How strange!

(PENELOPE gets up and goes up to turn down the radio) Oh! Before I fahget--

2.

PENELOPE (Continued) Could ya remind me of the name of the place we used to go to that has the good clam chowdah?

Text it to me!

I wanted clam chowdah at Thanksgiving which I know, I know ya gonna say: That's a weird thing to have at a Thanksgiving. But I just have a craving that won't go away and so I thought: If the lady wants chowdah let's get her chowdah! Me. I'm the lady.

(PENELOPE sits back down) Remembah? I remembah the place had two types of chowdah.

So maybe you could text which one you liked the bettah? Or even bettah, the one I liked bettah! Cause I can't remembah. Oh! Maybe I'll get them both. We'll just have so much food I'll explode(The art centers' phone rings. This IS a phone prop) Oh for Jove's sake, sorry, one sec. I have to get that.

(On the phone, PENELOPE'S accent gets even thicker) "Hello, New Mellville Aht Centah, this is Penelope, how may I help you?

Yes, hello Ms. Hawthorne.

Well, we ah open but technically only fah the next fahty minutes.

We're operating on a winter fall schedule just until...yes, we will be closed for ThanksgivingYes, that's the 24th.

Well, I don't make the schedule, Mrs. Hawthorne!

Yes. Yes. Well I encourage you to take that up with--Hello? Ms. Hawthorne? Are you still there?

(PENELOPE hangs up the phone and returns to loom) Sorry about that! I'm at the aht centah- Listen!

(PENELOPE hits the pedals of her loom) Ya hear that? It's my loom! I'm weaving right now, but I've also just started feltin-' Purses! Well. They're supposed to look like purses! Right now they just look like rags.

3.

PENELOPE (Continued) But I suppose "a purse is but a rag unless you have something in it." Right? Let me know if you remembah the chowdah place and also if yah coming! I can get the air mattress from the cellah. No rush! It's only Sunday. Sunday scaries?

Sundays are scary. I'll tell ya what's scary about Sundays. The football game. It's the football game I hate, all the bahs full of men, drunken men, so loud taking up so much space, so...angry! About what? What do they have to be angry about?

They should all just go to the bahs in The Town. They make me so irritated! These football players with their stupid team caps. I just want to go into the streets and deliberately "knock off the caps of each one that I see-" (VOICEMAIL enters) VOICEMAIL YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR RECORDING LIMIT. PENELOPE Oh...

PHONE VOICEMAIL IF YOU ARE SATISFIED WITH YOUR MESSAGE PLEASE PRESS 1.

PENELOPE Yes. Yes, I am satis"ed with the message I will press 1.

(PENELOPE presses 1. Then calls back. Then lowers volume on the radio. Then paces.)

PENELOPE (Continued) Sorry, the voicemail cut me o!. I'll try to be quickah: I'm alone at the aht center now.

The studio is really peaceful when no one is here. Calm. It's right on the watah.

Sometimes, I take a break from my loom and my rags. I just go out there. It's meditative. Which I know, I know I can hear ya rolling ya eyes Like, like, like, "no duh" like you used to say! Everyone knows, meditation and water go together-no duh!

But it's really nice. Ya always liked the water. The ocean. Remember? I used to dip you in there as a little baby, hold you by the wrist and then pull you out. We sang a little song. (singing) "Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea swims so wild and swims so free with the heaven above and the sea below it's a little white whale on the gooooo..." I know, I know my singing voice. I'll spare ya.

4.

(A thumping noise begins to fill the space and continues throughout the rest of this speech.)

PENELOPE(Continued) OH! I just remembered a part of that dream! OK. The two of us were in a library- well, it musta been a library cause there were shelves and shelves of books. But it wasn't the public library they have downtown, cause the walls weren't made of marble but of wood. Anyway! There were these great white billowy sheets, curtain thingies, like sails hanging from the ceiling. I remember in the dream there was this...thumping noise.

Like someone was knocking or hammering on the ceiling above us.

In the dream, you kept wandering o! to go pull books from the shelves, and bring them back to me. I looked down and I saw each book you brought me had turned into a large...bone. A bone! I know yah gonna ask me what kinda bone-I don't know. I don't know what kind of bone. But they were huge so maybe like a bear, or a dinosaur, or a, a, a whale. How bizzah, I thought, they were books on the shelves, and in your hands, but bones when they got to me! Look at these books they are turning into bones! I tried to tell you. But you didn't listen. You kept going. Back and forth. "An endless procession". Soon there were no books on the shelves and my hands were full of bones. The bones were so...heavy. Somehow, in my dream, I had the knowledge that it was up to me to put these giant creature's bones in my hand all together so they "t into something that looked living and like it had nevah died.And I was like: (Thumping stops.)

Well, no! No to that! and then I woke up.

VOICEMAIL YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR RECORDING LIMIT. PENELOPE Oh for the love of JoveRADIO ANNOUNCER DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN NOW STREAM 42.7 FROM YOUR LAPTOP, TABLET, OR MOBILE DEVICE? VOICEMAIL If you are satis"ed with your message/press 1.

RADIO ANNOUNCER /LISTEN TO 42.7 24 HOURS A DAY/ 7 DAYS A WEEK.

5.

VOICEMAIL To delete and re-record/your message.

PENELOPE Yes! Yes. Delete and re-record that's "ne.

(PENELOPE presses 2, VOICEMAIL exits and PENELOPE turn down radio so that RADIO ANNOUNCER either exits or moves slightly off.PENELOPE calls back) PENELOPE Sorry, a billion messages from me. You almost had more. Almost sent one where I was telling you this wicked long epic dream, you know how I ramble. Anyway, T-R-D-L, T-L-R-D. T....T....well, you know. I was really just calling to say hi. So: Hi! ........Oh! And I CUT OFF MY LEG. Call me back when you get a chance, I don't have a lot going on these days which isn't to guilt you! I swear. It's just to let you know I'm not busy. So here I am! And I'll pick up whenever you call me, so "Call me Ishmael"!

(PENELOPE hangs up the phone) VOICEMAIL This hour of music has been brought to you by the W.H.A.L.E.S corporation.

W.H.A.L.E.S: the perfect place to go for all of your holiday shopping needs. This Black Friday why wait IN line when you can go ONline? Become a WHALES Gold member today and enter code SEA SHANTY at checkout for "fty percent o! all your purchases through November 24th!

(End of Scene)

6.

CHAPTER 2: "A BOSOM FRIEND" (QUEE and ISH are in QUEE'S one room apartment.

They are sitting on the floor on pillows. There is incense burning. Various handmade anti-WHALES posters are hanging on walls or leaning against furniture. Smoky room, as the two have been smoking weed. In one corner of the room sits ISH'S open unpacked suitcase with clothes spilling out. QUEE is thumbing through the pages of Moby Dick.)

ISH What are you doing?

(QUEE ignores ISH and keeps counting) ISH(Continued) Literally, what are you doing?

(QUEE still ignores and keeps counting) ISH(Continued) Hello???? Hello????

QUEE 50! 50 pages a day and you could "nish.

ISH I am not reading it.

QUEE We could take turns reading it to each other.

ISH You can do whatever you want. Break it into small chunks. Read nonstop till your eyes fall out. I'm not reading it.

7.

(QUEE shrugs. Goes back to reading the book) QUEE Last night was okay?

ISH Yeah.

QUEE Do you... wanna stay over...again?

ISH Yeah.

(QUEE smiles. ISH throws a pillow at them) ISH Oh, don't look so pleased with yourself!

(Lights go off. When the lights come back on it's later that night.

Quee and Ish are sharing a pipe.)

ISH Hey. Can you give me a tattoo?

QUEE OK. What do you want?

ISH Mmmm....a planet, I think.

Maybe Jupiter?

QUEE Why Jupiter?

8.

ISH I always thought she looked cool. You know cause she's got the ring. Like it was a planet that could hula hoop.

QUEE You are thinking of Saturn, you big dummy! Saturn has the rings!

ISH (laughing) You're right.

(QUEE laughs) Well then what the fuck does Jupiter look like?

QUEE Probably just like every other planet.

ISH Fuck. It's like,I like how Saturn looks but I like the name Jupiter.

(QUEE takes ISHMAEL's face and puts their foreheads together.)

QUEE How about I tattoo Saturn but then write Jupiter underneath it?

ISH I love you.

QUEE Let's get in bed.

(Lights go off. Lights come back on. Quee and Ish are smoking.

Lights go off. Lights go on Ish is lightly tracing a Tattoo on Quee's arm. Lights go back off. Lights on and Quee is tidying the room.)

9.

QUEE So you pulled up to her driveway and just turned around? Did she see you?

ISH No. I just--couldn't do it, dude. The idea of spending the WHOLE Thanksgiving break with her was all of a sudden as unfathomable as actually "nishing that book. SoQUEE You texted me.

ISH I was nervous, I know we didn't talk since high school.

QUEE You just drove here, you just showed up, I haven't/seen you since high school ISH I really didn't think we'd...you know.

QUEE I'm glad we you know'd. Are you glad?

(ISH's phone rings) That her? When is she expecting you?

ISH I was intentionally vague about my arrival.

(ISH sends a quick text) QUEE What did you just text?

ISH She asked a question and I just said "Yes" QUEE What was the question?

ISH "Did you hear my message?"

QUEE And did you?

10.

ISH No. (Lights off. Lights back on. ISH and QUEE are in bed together reading) QUEE "Me thinks" ISH You thinks.

QUEE "My Body" ISH Your body.

QUEE My body.

ISH A GOOD body.

(ISH gets closer to QUEE in a sexy way) QUEE Ah, ah, ah-"is but the LEES of my better being."

ISH Mmmm. Lees...

(QUEE straddles ISH) QUEE "In fact, take my body"...

(Switch positions, now ISH is on top) Take it I say!

ISH Take it they say!

(They switch positions again, QUEE pins ISH's hands with one hand and holds the book with the other) )

11.

QUEE "It is not me."

(QUEE kisses ISH, softly and then it devolves into tickling, laughter. The gentle playfulness of two people who know each other really well but who are at the same time are still finding out about what is new about being together right now. ThenQUEE playfully bites ISH'S arm. Looks up at ISH like, "Is it okay?")

ISH What do I taste like?

QUEE Mmmmmmm, salt...sweat....sour.

Pickled herring ISH Ewww, really? I'm back in this village/ for one day and already I taste like "sh.

QUEE Village, huh?

ISH (bitting her own hand) I don't taste it.

I don't taste it! Try again!

QUEE Silly.

You can't taste yourself.

ISH Says who?

12.

QUEE Everyone.

ISH My turn..

(ISH begins to close in on QUEE, wants to take a bite ) QUEE No. ISH Just a piece.

QUEE Get o! of me.

ISH Let me taste!

(Without meaning too, ISH touches QUEE's chest--an off limits place.)

QUEE NO! (QUEE shoves ISH off.Maybe a little harder than both of them were expecting. A beat. QUEE is as surprised by their reaction as ISH is. QUEE is as apologetic as they are angry.)

ISH I'm sorry, did I-

13.

QUEE No. It's okay.

ISH I'm sorry.

(QUEE affectionately moves ISH back and gives her a kiss.

Lights off. Lights on. It's Later: Quee is writing the unspoken words below on ISH'S back and ISH is guessing) QUEE <Y.O.U.> ISH You. QUEE <M.A.K.E.> ISH Make.

QUEE <M.E.> ISH Me...you.

QUEE <F.E.E.L.> ISH Feel.

14.

QUEE <WHOLE> ISH Whale.

Whale?

QUEE No! <W....H/...O...L....E.> ISH You. Make. Me. FeelW. H. OOh. Whole!

Awww....Quee.

QUEE I still can't believe you're here.

ISH In New Mellville?

QUEE In my bed. Remember when we were kids and we used to wrap both of ourselves in one blanket like a cocoon?

ISH Yeahhhhhh. So that: "the tip of our noses and the/crowns of our heads be slightly chilled" QUEE "/Crowns of our heads be slightly chilled."

(ISH's phone goes off again. ISH gets up to silence it.)

ISH I'm not gonna go to Thanksgiving. And I'm not gonna feel guilty about it.

QUEE Alright.

15.

ISH I'm probably gonna try to feel guilty about it but it's your job to not let me feel guilty about it.

QUEE What's my payment for this noble job?

ISH You can bite me all you want.

QUEE They are cutting my hours at the book store.

ISH Okay...

QUEE I don't have to go to work tomorrow ISH Okay!

QUEE Or for the next four days.

(ISH sticks out her pinky) ISH We need a pact. An oath. A prophecy!

Let's not leave this room for the next 4 days.

(QUEE and ISH pinky swear. Lights off. Lights on. Quee and ISH are reading out of Moby Dick.)

ISH/QUEE(simultaneously) "All this struck me as mighty singular yet, upon second thoughts, there was something almost sublime in it."