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Times April 6, 2014

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Ed Sheeran sings to teen fan on her deathbed See story on page 12

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2 Times Sunday Magazine

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APRIL 6, 2014

Times Feature

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ecently, the Deaf Association of Guyana (DAG), with sponsorship from Scotiabank, released its first ever booklet on sign language. This is the first of many beneficial plans DAG has in store for the deaf. All over the world deaf people use sign language to communicate with each other, talking about the same things hearing people talk about. Sign language follows different rules from spoken and written languages. Most importantly it conveys the essentials of a message through signs, eye contact, facial expression and body posture. For instance, asking, “Do you want something to drink?” may be signed just as “drink”. The ‘you’ is expressed through eye contact and the question through facial expression. With the release of ‘Start Signing’, persons can learn the basics of sign language

A look of what the booklet contains

and to better communicate with the deaf. In an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine DAG’s member Sabine McIntosh said, “DAG wanted to do this for

a long time because we get requests from parents who have deaf children and others who would like to communicate with the deaf. The booklet provides a basic vocabulary for the general

Students of the Diamond Special Needs School are happy with their newest hydroponics project

public.” McIntosh added the booklet targets parents especially. She stated that when deaf children learn sign language in school, parents are left behind. With this booklet, they can now expand their communication, beyond the mundane questions of hunger and sleep, and have meaningful conversations with their children. “This is a start in making sign language accessible for parents and the general public. The booklet is based on the American Sign Language (ASL), but we would like to invest in getting the Guyana Sign Language (GSL) documentation going. We’re waiting on a great funder to start documenting GSL, which is very similar to ASL,” she noted. Notably, DAG has been a pioneer in caring for our deaf children. Recently, it sent the very first two deaf students to the Sophia Training Centre, who recently graduated from there. Additionally, the Board of Industrial Training will soon be facilitating some more of the deaf students. “That is why the booklet is so important. Although [trained sign language instructors] are there to provide communication, the

The booklet, 'Start Signing'

programmes’ lecturers can have an opportunity to learn about signing and be better able to communicate with deaf students,” McIntosh pointed out. This year, DAG plans to expand its programmes to include a quiz event, in addition to its regular hosting of visual and performing arts events, and establishing sign language programmes in all schools. Recently, the Tuschen Deaf Academy was opened to help deaf children in the West Coast area. According to McIntosh, the academy is a bottom-house school, housed under the home of a parent of a deaf child. “This school, with funding from the British High Commission, is important because they don’t have facilities like that over there. Some of the students attending the academy have never been to school because of their disability, and so we hope, with more funding, to open schools like this one countrywide,”

she declared. DAG’s vision is that “members of the deaf community play a positive and integral role in national development” and are challenged by its mission “to help deaf youths achieve their full potential and to improve the socioeconomic well-being of members of the deaf community”. The association is a nongovernmental organisation registered under the Friendly Societies Act in 2010. DAG's network with members of the deaf community stretches across several regions. It works closely with special needs schools countrywide and is engaged in the visual and performing arts, education, sign language research, sports, among others. The booklet is currently being sold for GYD$500, money that will be invested in the expansion of DAG’s programmes. For more information call 225-4489 or 687-3597.


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April 6, 2014

Times Sunday Magazine

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Times Focus

INSIDE Pursuing a passion for theatre

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Star of the Week

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he Georgetown Solid Waste Management Programme (GSWMP) seeks to make significant improvements in solid waste management in Guyana. To achieve this, the Government of Guyana is implementing a programme with six interlinked components. The six components are: Component 1: Institutional strengthening and capac-

Students being taught on composting issues to all stakeholders, including citizens, corporations, community groups, NGOs and other organisations, and to involve them in the major decision-making in solid waste management in Guyana by determining how the changes will be implemented through this participatory approach. The Government of Guyana intends to win the commitment and co-operation of

designed to increase awareness and knowledge as well as reinforcing the behaviour change efforts of smaller subpopulations. The strategy promotes new ways of managing waste as alternatives to dumping, littering and other improper methods of solid waste elimination. International experience demonstrates that this may be achieved by adher-

Men working on a compost heap in Mocha Arcadia ity building for solid waste management; Component 2: Community participation and public awareness programme; Component 3: Design, construction, operation of the Haags Bosch Sanitary Landfill; Component 4: Waste collection from participating NDCs; Component 5: Rehabilitation, expansion and closure of the Le Repentir landfill; Component 6: Treatment and disposal of healthcare and hazardous waste. The Clean and Green Guyana programme is part of the community participation and public awareness programme and is designed to create behavioural change in improper disposal of waste. Funding for the six components include loans provided by the Inter-American Development Bank (IADB). Component 2 involves a community participation and public awareness campaign to provide information on relevant solid waste management

stakeholders in achieving the objective of the programme. The project influence area includes the capital city, Georgetown, and the surrounding 15 Neighborhood Democratic Councils (NDCs) in Region Four (DemeraraMahaica). Its scope of work is to develop a comprehensive strategy of community participation and public awareness by undertaking a series of activities that form part of a tried and proven methodology to raiseawareness and knowledge of solid waste management issues within the selected communities. In order to achieve its goals, the Clean and Green Guyana campaign is implementing two concurrent campaigns: a Behavior Change Communication (BCC) campaign among selected target audiences and an Information, Education and Communication (IEC) campaign, which will be broader in scope, reaching a wider target audience with messages

ing to the four Rs: reduce, reuse, recycle and recover. In the Guyana context, focus is being placed on reducing the amount of waste created by promoting reusable containers, in order to reduce the volume of single-use plastic products, and promoting the separation and composting of organic waste at the household level. In order to support the use of fewer plastic bags and disposable containers, a branded re-usable bag will be provided to the public through major supermarkets throughout the project target area. In an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine, Project Coordinator Oliver Insanally stated that the public is encouraged to help the campaign by spreading its messages and by adopting the proper waste dis-

posal methods that the campaign is encouraging. This should include placing waste in a receptacle and ensuring that it is collected by a waste disposal service and taken to the Haags Bosch Sanitary Landfill (and by not littering, dumping or burning waste). He added that communities can also compost their organic waste and turn this into a rich fertiliser, which can be used on plants. Citizens can also reduce the amount of waste they generate by re-using items when possible and cutting down on their use of plastics which take many decades to biodegrade and release toxins during this process or when they are burnt. “We particularly encourage citizens not to use plastic bags, plastic bottles and Styrofoam containers. When shopping, citizens can use a re-usable (cloth) bag instead of a plastic one,� he urged. Outlining the project’s future plans, Insanally said there will be a rollout of the national IEC campaign that will see the dissemination of TV and radio messages, brochures and posters all encouraging proper solid waste disposal practices. Additionally, major supermarkets will increase their efforts to encourage their shoppers to use a

Trendy kaftan tops

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Pg 10

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan confirmed to star in Mani Ratnam film Pg 14

An adventure of a lifetime Pg 23

re-usable (cloth) bag instead of plastic bags. The community composting initiative, which has already started in two of the three pilot NDCs selected (in the Mocha-Arcadia and Good Success/ Caledonia NDCs), will continue to spread in these areas and will begin shortly in the third selected pilot NDC of Reconnaissance/Mon Repos.The campaign is also collaborating with the National Centre for Educational Resource Development (NCERD) Unit of the Ministry of Education to produce three workbooks on solid waste management and five educational videos for use within the education system. There is much more happening with the project in realising its goals of a greener and cleaner Guyana. For more information visit Clean & Green Guyana on Facebook.


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Times Sunday Magazine

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April 6, 2014

Times Feature

T

he Food For The Poor’s Angel of Hope programme’s mission is to help underprivileged children to reach their highest potential. In 1982, Ferdinand Mahfood received a Christmas present from his wife. It was a book called “Something More”, written by Catherine Marshall. As he turned the pages of the book, while on a flight to Chicago, Ferdy (as he is properly known) was moved by the writer’s call to serve God in a more intimate and committed way. He wanted to have a closer relationship with God and to experience the fullness of his love. A Jamaican by birth, Mahfood had inherited a successful import business from his father and had eventually moved the business to Miami. Since boyhood, he had given donations to the poor and continued to do so as his business flourished. In 1982, after rededicating his life to God, he decided to use his business expertise to serve the poor. He has already seen the gut wrenching poverty in the slums of Jamaica, and he increased his donations to the poor in that coun-

-Providing for underprivileged children Additionally, their grades have improved. “Our Angel of Hope coordinator also makes regular visits to check up on the children’s progress. This information is then sent to our US donors. Although they are thousands of miles away, the donors keep tract of the children’s progress via the information sent from the coordinator,” Hamilton mentioned. Recently, 35 children from the orphanages were sent to Burrowes School of Art during their ‘summer’ holiday. This was a collaborative effort with the arts school. Consequently, FFTP hopes to expand its efforts to include scholarships, and providing opportunities for the children to succeed academically. FFTP would also like to collaborate with other entities, so that the children can be exposed to

FFTP donating school supplies for children at Silver Hill try. But business expertise alone could not alleviate the suffering and poverty of millions in Haiti, Nicaragua, Guatemala and El Salvador. So Mahfood became a beggar

Distributing food supplies to families in Parika

Wayne Hamilton (right) receiving a plaque from Dr Jeetendra Mohanlall, Programme Manager, National Tuberculosis Programme, Ministry of Health, in appreciation of FFTP’s contribution to the programme for the poor, combining his business expertise with the donations he received, to start a chain of giving that today results in relief projects and programmes in more than two dozen countries in Latin America and the Caribbean. Food For The Poor (FFTP) was established as a vehicle for Mahfood to give back to the world. In an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine FFTP’s Public Relations Officer Wayne Hamilton stated that the Angel of Hope programme started about ten years ago and provides for 250 children from eight homes across the country.

“The programme is mainly sponsored by residents in the US who would normally send supplies and financial support for birthdays, Christmas parties, and our annual get-together and fun day where all the children meet up and interact. From the supplies we receive at Food For The Poor, we are able to provide clothing, food, toiletries, school supplies, and much more,” Hamilton explained. Noting the effectiveness of the programme, Hamilton pointed out the children, which the programme caters for, are attending school more regularly because they now have needed supplies.

various academic areas. “Many have come forward to donate to our programme. We continue to urge local donors to donate food items, school supplies, clothing; anything that is suitable for the children. FFTP also provides home supplies and does infrastructural work on the orphanages. There is always a need for funding and we encourage the general public to help us so that we can help our underprivileged children,” Hamilton declared. For more information on this programme visit Food For The Poor on Facebook.


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April 6, 2014

Times Sunday Magazine 5

Times Women

Dr Jean Small is a Caribbean Hall of Fame inductee on a mission to promote literacy through theatre

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r Jean Small is a Guyanese-Jamaican who graduated from the University of the West Indies in Foreign Languages – French, Spanish and Latin. Her profession all her life has been as an educator, which she passionately pursues. She was born in Guyana but has been living in Jamaica since 1954. Small has worked in Guyana, Trinidad, Nigeria, Australia and Jamaica as a French teacher at both secondary and university levels. Her love since school days has been theatre. She considers herself first as an actress and secondly as a director and playwright, using theatre tools as a vehicle for understanding life, language, culture and interpersonal relationships. As a foreign language lecturer, she uses theatre to teach French and Literature at the university level. Her publications include a series of textbooks in French and Spanish for schools; the play ‘A Black Woman’s Tale; and articles on the empowerment of theatre. Small has participated in theatre internationally and is the only person in Jamaica who uses theatre as a tool for teaching French and Literature. For 13 years, Small led a team of experts from across the Caribbean to formulate the curriculum in French and Spanish for the Caribbean Examinations Council. Notably, she participated in writing the syllabus for Theatre Arts for CXC. She was the External Examiner for Theatre at the Edna Manley College and External Examiner of French for the Joint Board of Teacher Education. The prolific educator has been decorated twice by the French government

Dr Jean Small

for distinguished teaching of French and Literature. (The first in 1985 with the Academic Palms at the level of Chevalier, and in June 2004 at the Level of Officer.) Small is presently retired from the University of the West Indies where she last headed the Philip Sherlock Centre For the Creative Arts. She is currently the Convenor of the Fine Arts Board of the University Council of Jamaica, member of the Alliance Française (an organisation that promotes French language and culture worldwide), and past president of the Jamaica Association of French Teachers. In 2001, Small was inducted into the Caribbean Hall Of Fame in Jamaica. In 2003, Small joined the Toastmasters International, which is an organisation that sees communication and leadership as essential to personal and societal development. Through her performance in her club, the Dynamic Speakers, she gained the designation as Distinguished Toastmaster in 2012. In 2004, she placed third

Acting a dramatic piece at a storytelling event

Small manipulates two puppets during a puppet show in 2008

in the Jamaica National Speech Competition. In May 2005, she won the Jamaica National Humourous Speech Competition, and in November of the same year she won the Humourous Speech Competition held in St. Croix, which made Small the 2005 Caribbean Toastmasters Champion of Humourous Speeches. In 2006, she won the evaluation contest at the Area Level, and in 2007 she became the Caribbean Champion of Public Speaking. Additionally, her other awards include the Actor Boy Award (1995) for her performance in ‘Hot Flashes’, the Charlotte and Isidor Paiewonsky Prize for the Best First Publication of “Lament” - a poem dedicated to Prof Kamau Brathwaite in the Caribbean, and the choice of her play, ‘The Black Woman’s Tale’ as the best Jamaican play in 1998, which she performed in France in French at the Theatre Gérard Phillipe. Small also writes short stories and is a storyteller. On 14 November 2006, she was chosen to perform as a storyteller with the internationally acclaimed storyteller, Gayle Ross, at the Edna Manley College. On October 2007, the United States Embassy invited Small to perform her winning speech entitled ‘Rain’ at the opening cocktail reception of the launching of the Chiefs of Mission HIV/AIDS Conference in Jamaica. In the 2006, at the Tallawah Drama Competition held at the University of the West Indies, the French play Small entered won two awards: one for the script that she had written, which consisted of translations into French of six of Mutabaruka’s poems, and the one for the performance of poetry by a group accompanied by drums and movement. Small is also the director of her own company, TALA

(Theatre Arts Learning Aids), which promotes the use of theatre as a teaching tool. Through TALA, she teaches values and attitudes using the art of puppetry and storytelling. Her puppetry troupe is called

Puppets For Peace, which presents puppet plays for children and workshops for early childhood educators and Sunday school teachers on the effective use of puppetry as a teaching tool. TALA offers a course

in Public Speaking. Small also conducts drama classes with the children of the Portmore Missionary Preparatory School. In 2010, Small was awarded the Bronze Musgrave Medal by the Institute of Jamaica for excellence in theatre. In that same year, she received the Life Award from the Jamaica Association of Dramatic Artists for over 50 years of contribution to theatre in the Caribbean, as well as a plaque from the Guyana for her outstanding contribution to theatre. In 2011, Small was awarded her Doctor of Philosophy for her thesis on creativity and the use of theatre techniques in teaching French Language and Literature. Small is divorced and has one son, Seretse Small, who is an applauded guitarist and CEO of his own company Griot Music. (First published on www.guyanesegirlsrock.com)


6 Times Sunday Magazine

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April 6, 2014

Times Book World

The Shaping of Guyanese Literature

2014 World Poetry Day Day 2014, the Guyana edition had a theme by default – women. This was evident from the first performance entitled “Woman” done by Genesia Samuels of Green Acres Primary. This was followed by “Ladies have some dignity” by Katyana George of the National Library, which begged the question, “Ain’t I a woman?” by Kezra Boyal and followed by “Phenomenal Woman”, performed by Nicola Moonsammy, Ayanna

By Petamber Persaud

W

orld Poetry Day 2014, celebrated in Guyana on 25 March, was an exhilarating experience, invoking various quotations on the subject, some springing readily to mind, others corrected by research, all adding to the euphoria. Perhaps the first quote that came to mind on that occasion was by Walt Whitman: “[T]o have great poets there must be great audiences too.” The audience for the occasion at the Umana Yana, Kingston, Georgetown, Guyana, was a ‘great’ one. It was a full house bubbling with vitality, a vitality feeding the performers fodder of encouragement and pride. The audience was a good one and for being good, it was well rewarded throughout the event with excellent poetry and performances. “Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people,” Adrian Mitchell. Well, well, well, almost all the poems performed resonated with almost all of the people, almost all of the time. For instance, “You have to be deaf to understand” performed by Shonette Belgrave, Erin Sullivan and Quincy Richards of the Deaf Association of Guyana. The miming, the sign language and the articulate gestures were hilarious, but the message got home because the audience took up the chant

proud There were other great performances, but a mere listing would diminish their worth so I would like to close as I started. Joseph Joubert stated, “You will not find poetry anywhere unless you bring some of it with you.” The audience came prepared and was not disappointed. World Poetry Day was originally set for 15 October. However, in 1999, UNECSO declared 21 March World

the day says to “give fresh recognition and impetus to national, regional and international poetry movements”. Responses to this author should be sent to oraltradition2002@yahoo.com or call (592) 226-0065. What’s happening: The 2013-2014 issue of ‘The Guyana Annual Magazine’ is now going into production. This issue is dedicated to A J Seymour and will focus on the increase interest in photography, the

Poetry Day. World Poetry Day has its genesis in one person, a woman, who not only knew of the power of poetry and has tasted its pleasures, but also wanted others to be a part of this sacred art. In 1936, Tessa Sweezy Webb started honouring poets of Ohio, USA. This vision soon caught the imagination of poetry lovers worldwide. By 1951, forty-one countries were celebrating the works of their poets. Webb used the third Saturday in October for her magnanimous work, but by 1951, October 15 was accepted as the ideal day to mark the occasion. UNESCO’s declaration of 21March as World Poetry Day was to promote the reading, writing, publishing and teaching of poetry throughout the world and, as the UNESCO session declaring

expanding arenas for cultural activities, what’s happening in the diaspora (GuyAspora) and will continue its role championing the cause of locally based emerging writers and of Guyanese writers in general, offering space and encouragement for their work. Also, World Book and Copyright Day will be commemorated by the National Library on 23 April. It is here: ‘Anthology of Contemporary Guyanese Verse: Volume 1’ published by The Caribbean Press, compiled by Petamber Persaud with an introduction by Dr Lynne Macedo, University of Warwick. The work of 21 writers is captured in this 164-page book.

National Dance Company performing 'Gethsemane'

Katyana George of the National Library reading a poem at the World Poetry Day event at Umana Yana

at appropriate intervals, “You have to be deaf to understand.” “Me a wan country man”, by Ivor Thom, involved the audience, which wanted more of the dialect performance, a language enjoyed because of its colourful and racy pictures created, leaving Standard English way behind in elucidation and delivery of poetry for that par-

ticular audience. Another poem that had the audience going (making a stand for the rights of a woman to take her place in the world without being molested, violated and victimised) was “Hear me men” by Donna Sergeant of the National Library, pleading with men for respect. Although it was a floating theme for World Poetry

Waddell, Sonia Yarde, and written by Maya Angelou. A few lines would put that theme in perspective: Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. It's the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. It's in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed. I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you

Standby to restart ‘The Journey’, an evening of literature. Performance by the Deaf Association of Guyana


guyanatimesgy.com

APRIL 6, 2014

Times Sunday Magazine 7

Times Feature

Star of the week

Quick Tips to Improve Your Email Etiquette

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f the only people that you write emails to are friends and family, then suddenly you’re conversing with professional contacts, mentors, professors, potential bosses and colleagues – it becomes a whole different ball game. To start, if you don’t already, make sure you have a professional email address. Here are some quick tips to improve your email etiquette. Address everyone properly Sometimes people have titles. Not only is it respectful to use them, it can also be quite flattering to the other person. Sign off eloquently Although “Thanks” is a great way to end an email, try to switch it up and use “Best Regards”. Just the fact that you leave a greeting before you end the email is a great step. Be well mannered Say please if you’re asking for something, be as respectful as you would to the person’s face. Just because you can’t see them, it doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want. Learn where the spaces go Everything should not be one paragraph. Learn to space out your emails so that they are easy to read. Spend a few minutes getting an email signature together Include important links and a title if you have one. Keep it simple though, no need to include images when you don’t need to. (Those take time to load as well and sometimes appear as attachments.) Watch the length Try to keep it to the point, unless otherwise indicated, most people don’t want to read an essay. Read it over for spelling and grammar mistakes One of the most unprofessional mistakes is having typos and grammar mistakes in your email. Check your Google + photo - Gmail only Did you know that the photo you have on Google + appears to other Gmail users when you email them? Make sure it’s a professional photo, that photo of you and your boyfriend at the beach, while lovely, is probably not what you want your professional contacts seeing when you email them. There you have it, quick and simple. These couple of things might seem basic but they are absolutely helpful when communicating via email. Especially if the first impression you are making is a virtual one! (www.theyoungprofessionaltimes. com)

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ying for the Miss World Guyana crown, transcendent beauty Ayana Whitehead is poised to not only win the crown but to use the forum she is given for the greater good. Hailing from East Berbice, Corentyne, the 19-year-old’s pageantry history includes being in the top ten placements in the Miss Caraibes Hibiscus Pageant (2013-2014); second runner-up and awards for Miss Congeniality and Best Dressed in the Miss Universe Guyana Pageant (2013); first place winner at the Miss London Elite Saint Lucia Pageant (2012); and first place winner in the May Pole Queen Community Pageant Nabaclis (2003). Ayana decided she will compete in the Miss World Guyana pageant because of its Beauty With A Purpose project. Last year, she wanted to carry out a campaign during the Miss Universe Guyana pageant, but was unable to get funding for it as it was not a pageant requirement. However, in the Miss World Guyana pageant, she has the opportunity to do so. The effervescent philanthropist is confident that she will succeed in getting her project completed “by God’s grace”. Though she would like to represent Guyana as an international ambassador, Ayana is more concerned with the humanitarian aspect, rather than the crown/title. Focused on her platform, “Using Publicity For Good; Knowledge Is Power”, Ayana believes pageantry is an avenue to inform people and make a change. Any form of publicity given is an opportunity to share with persons values that are important to her. Being involved in a pageant is significant to Ayana because it allows her “to do something extra”. If crowned queen, Ayana plans to expand her Beauty With A Purpose project, and to include other contestants and their platforms as well.


8 Times Sunday Magazine

guyanatimesgy.com

April 6, 2014

Times Kids Page

Creature Corner

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Cane Toads

n its native range - from the southern United States to northern South America - the cane toad is, well, just a big, ordinary toad. It hatches from an egg laid in water, begins its life as a tadpole, and eats pesky insects. But in Australia, the cane toad became the pest. In 1935, sugarcane farmers in Australia couldn't ward off an insect that was eating their crops: the cane beetle. The Australian government imported cane toads to control the beetles. Some 3,000 cane toads were released in sugarcane plantations. People thought that the toads would eat the beetles and the sugarcane would be saved. That turned out to be a big mistake. Not only did the cane toads have no real effect on controlling the cane beetles, the amphibians had very few predators. The toad population spiralled out of control. Cane toads reproduce easily and quickly, and they had plenty of food in their new home. Today there are millions of cane toads in Australia, and they're causing a lot of problems. Cane toads have poison that can kill animals that try eating them. Predators in the toad's original range—including caimans, certain snakes, eels, and fishes—find cane toads tasty. Some are immune to their venom; others avoid the most venomous parts and can tolerate the venom they do eat. But in Australia, few animals were safely able to eat the toads, including pets like dogs. Once a male attracts a female, they mate as the female lays her eggs. She lays from 4,000 to 36,000 eggs at a time in the water of a stream or pond. They come out as long strands of black eggs surrounded by a clear jellylike substance. Tadpoles hatch from the eggs within about three days. As tadpoles, cane toads eat algae and other plants that grow in water. Cane toad tadpoles metamorphose, or change, into fully formed frogs in 12 to 60 days.

C

Did you know?

ane toads are large: They are four to six inches (10 to 15 centimetres) long, and weigh almost three pounds (1.4 kilograms). Cane toads vary widely in colour and pattern. Generally they are gray, brown, reddish-brown, or olive coloured. Their undersides are a cream colour, with black or brown blotches. The back feet of cane toads are webbed; the front legs are not. A cane toad lives for five to ten years in the wild. In captivity, it can live for 20 years. If threatened, a cane toad turns so its side faces its enemy. By doing this, it's directing the glands behind its eyes, called parotoid glands, toward the threat. The parotoids hold the main store of the toad's venom, which often oozes out of the glands. The toad can even spray the venom for a short distance from those glands. Intense pain results for people who come in contact with cane-toad venom through their membranes, such as those in a person's eyes, mouth, or nose. Cane toads often eat from pet dishes that are left outside. Another name for the cane toad is marine toad. Cane toad is the common name it got when it was used to control insect infestations on sugarcane plantations.

Dot-to-Dot The objective of the game is to fill all the blank squares in a game with the correct numbers. Every row of 9 numbers must include all digits 1 through 9 in any order. Every column of 9 numbers must include all digits 1 through 9 in any order. Every 3 by 3 subsection of the 9 by 9 square must include all digits 1 through 9.

please see solution on page 22

Maze Daze

Penguin's Home Help your penguin friend find his home

FUN FACTS

A

What Are Clouds Made Of?

cloud is made of water droplets, or ice crystals, or a mixture of both that is suspended above the Earth's surface. Clouds are formed when moist, warm air rises. As it rises higher and reaches a space that's cooler, the warm air cools down. This causes the water vapour to condense into tiny water droplets and/or ice crystals, depending on how cold they get. Those droplets and crystals stay together because they are attracted to each other. The result is a cloud. Some clouds are thicker than others because they happen to have more water droplets packed in close together. Clouds are a key part of our planet's water cycle, in which water continually moves between the surface and the atmosphere. Water changes from liquid to gas to liquid, and sometimes to solid as well. If it weren't for that cycle, there probably wouldn't be any life on our planet.


10 Times Sunday Magazine Times Fashion

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o create her irresistible collection, ‘First Resort’, designer Sonia Noel has infused her signature latticing, kaftan silhouettes and versatile wraps. The chic collection has over 100 sophisticated and comfortable designs, which keeps expanding as more stylish pieces are added. In an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine, Noel stated that the collection depicts the easy, carefree, uninhibited nature of Caribbean lifestyle presented in breathing, eco-friendly, caressing textiles, which captures the attitude of comfort and leisure. “These outfits are definitely perfect for a weekend at one of our beautiful resorts in Guyana, Bartica Regatta or rodeo. These kaftan tops are made from cotton, chiffon and cotton jersey fabric, and can be worn as a swimsuit, cover-up or with shorts, skirts, leggings or jeans,” Noel explained. For this week’s photo shoot, the models are Umadevi Bux, Meleesa Payne, Raquel Thomas and Steffi Bynoe. This collection is presently available at Noel’s fashion studio located at 176 Barr Street, Kitty. Call 226-3099 for more information. (Photos by Shiv Dindyal)

April 6, 2014

guyanatimesgy.com


The Lumineers is a folk rock band. The two founding members and songwriters of the Lumineers are Wesley Schultz (lead vocals, guitar) and Jeremiah Fraites (drums, percussion). Schultz and Fraites began writing and performing together in New Jersey in 2005. Neyla Pekarek (cello, vocals) joined the band in 2010. Stelth Ulvang (piano), and Ben Wahamaki (bass), joined the band as full-time members in 2012. In December 2011, what would become the band's first single, “Ho Hey”, was used in the season finale of CW's “Hart of Dixie”. This started a national buzz on social media. Their self-titled debut album was released on Dualtone Records on April 3, 2012, eventually peaking at number two on the Billboard 200 chart in January 2013. As of December 2013, their debut album has been certified Platinum in the US and Ireland, with gold certifications in the UK, Australia and Canada.

guyanatimesgy.com APRIL 6, 2014

Star Times Hollywood

Times Sunday Magazine 11


12 Times Sunday Magazine

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April 6, 2014

Times Hollywood

Lupita Nyong'o is Lancome's new face

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arning, you might need a tissue for this heart-breaking story. Ed Sheeran made the wishes of a very sick girl come true by singing one of his most beloved songs to her whilst she was on her death bed. After years of battling Cystic Fibrosis, a 15-yearold girl named Triona was terminally ill; so, her brother Colm took to Twitter in an attempt to make one of her final dreams come true. #SongForTri trended on Twitter and eventually man-

aged to get through to one of her idols, Ed Sheeran with

hopes of arranging a unique final performance. Thankfully Ed was more than happy to oblige and played Triona's favorite song ‘Little Bird’ over the phone as she lay down in bed. Triona's family says that during the song, the girl slowly drifted off to sleep and passed on moments after the song's completion. Ed took to Twitter not long after with the following message for his lost fan, posting “Rest in peace Triona, so heartbreaking x”. (Glamour)

"I used bad judgment and I learned my lesson." On April 3, photos surfaced of an exchange between Franco and 17-yearold Scottish fan Lucy Corde.

"What's the hotel? Should I rent a room?" Franco asked the underaged girl. When Corde replied that his comment could have been part of an April Fool's joke, Franco then sent a selfie confirming that it was really him. "Unfortunately in my position, not only do I have to go through the embarrassing rituals of meeting someone, but if I do that, then it gets published for the world so it's doubly embarrassing," Franco added to the Live! cohosts. Franco clearly looked uncomfortable discussing the situation, but in true Ripa form, she jumped in to lighten the mood. "I promise I will not reveal our text messages," she quipped. (US Magazine)

J

ames Franco is fessing up. The actor apologized for trying to pick up a teenage girl via Instagram earlier this week during an appearance on Live! With Kelly and Michael on Friday, April 4. "I was feeling awkward -- I didn't want to come on the show and just feel awkward," Franco, 35, said to Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan. "I'm embarrassed, and I guess I'm just a model of how social media is tricky. It's the way that people meet each other today, but what I've learned -- I guess because I'm new to it -- is you don't know who's on the other end." "You get a feel for them, you don't know who you're talking to," he continued.

Drake debuts an apparent ode to Rihanna

D

rake has released the studio version of a track titled "Days in the East". Co-produced by PARTYNEXTDOOR and Noah "40" Shebib, the song was previously debuted by the rapper during his show in Europe.

The slow-tempo song fea-

tures Drake spitting some bars about him being in love with his special lady, which fans believe is rumored girlfriend Rihanna. "Spending all my days on the East side/ Forgetting who I was on the other side up/ Young n***a switchin up the program right now/ Tryna put the power in my own hands right now," he raps. In the song, Drake includes the background vocals pulled directly from RiRi's "Stay". The line "I threw my hands in the air and said show me something" can be heard before Drizzy talks about visiting Erykah Badu and having a conversation about love with her. "She made tea for me/ We talked about love and what life could really be for me," he says. "Days in the East" comes just a day after Drake dropped "Draft Day", a new track that samples Lauryn Hill's 1998 hit "Doo-Wop (That Thing)". In it, the Canadian star gives a shout-out to Jennifer Lawrence and Chance the Rapper. (AceShowbiz)

upita Nyong'o is revealed as the latest Lancome brand ambassador. A photo of the Oscar-winning actress in her first beauty campaign for the label was debuted on Friday, April 4. "I am truly honored to join the Maison Lancome, a brand with such a prestigious history and that I have always loved," Nyong'o said in a statement. "I am particularly proud to represent its unique vision for women and the idea that beauty should not be dictated, but should instead be an expression of a woman's freedom to be herself." In her new role, the 31-year-old joins the brand's current spokeswomen such as Kate Winslet, Julia Roberts, and Penelope Cruz. The "12 Years a Slave" star's

ads will launch in September. She told WWD, "What appealed to me about Lancome is that they're not dictating what beauty is.. What they do supports something that already is - and that was appealing to me, too. It's what drew me to them. Hopefully it's a symbiotic relationship that I benefit from being associated with them, and they benefit from being associated with me, as well." She also related it to her Oscar win, saying "I had to give a speech about beauty right before the Oscars, and for me, beauty is a compassion for yourself and those around you. And I think that in focusing on that, the light inside illuminates the beauty outside. The idea that Lancome now has a few actor ambassadors is significant because actors are not

I

t's been five months since the Jonas Brothers shocked fans with their surprising split, and by now you've probably taken your posters down off your wall, packed away your merch and locked up all those JoBros memories in a safe place. But all's not lost because the brothers have been working separately on their own projects. Nick took on the job of creative and musical director on Demi Lovato's Neon Lights Tour, Kevin has been on diaper duty as proud new dad to daughter Alena Rose and Joe's now in the "baby stages" of his next musical project. "I'm trying to [make it] something that I really want it to be — do music that I'm really proud of and not let too many cooks in the kitchen," Joe told Scene magazine. "I'm really at the baby stages. I'm writing with people I like and admire, but I'm taking my sweet, sweet

time with it." Taking his sweet time is something that couldn't be said about his 2011 solo album, Fastlife, which he felt rushed to complete "in a big way." So this time around, Joe's calling all of the shots. And he's worked with several collaborators so far, including the Strokes' Albert Hammond Jr. "There are always stereotypes when people think of a band, any artist, that they're going to sound like a certain thing," Joe told the magazine. "[I hope that] when I hit the reset but-

just faces, they are spirits that people enjoy and relate to more than in an aesthetic way. We have the privilege of standing for something other than just looks." Citing supermodel Alek Wek as her inspiration, she said, "When she came on the scene, I felt more seen. Having me on a huge campaign like this will hopefully do that for other girls or people who feel unseen or underseen." (AceShowbiz)

ton and release new music, fresh ears will listen openminded and not judge." The singer is still trying to figure out how his new sound will manifest, but we imagine that when it does he'll probably have his brothers take a listen because despite the band breaking up, the guys are still very much a part of one another's lives, if their Instagram feeds are any indication. Joe also revealed that his strong connection with his family has kept him grounded, unlike some other young pop stars. "I've had an easier route than most. The youngsters just turning 20, the Biebers of the world, are under a microscope," Jonas said. [Bieber] is having a very tough time finding balance. I think we all saw it coming. Your dad is your party animal — that's going to sum it up pretty quick. There's an equation for some sort of explosion." (MTV)

Paula Deen closes one of her restaurants, did not inform employees

S

ix weeks ago, Paula Deen admitted she was ready to fight to get her name back after scandal hit last summer. Now, the celebrity chef is ready to close the door on another chapter in her life. Uncle Bubba’s Seafood & Oyster House, one of her family restaurants in her hometown of Savannah, Ga., has officially closed for business. The Deen family’s new publicity team released a statement explaining “the restaurant’s owner and operator, Bubba Hiers, has made the decision to close the restaurant in order to explore development options for the waterfront property, on which the restaurant is located.” The restaurant was also the venue that triggered the sexual and racial harassment suit by an employee against Deen, 67, and her brother, Hiers, 60. During a deposition for the lawsuit, Deen admitted to using a racial slur in the past and that revelation ultimately sent the Southern chef’s fortune spiraling out of control last June. The lawsuit was eventually dismissed but the damage had been done. Deen lost her job at the Food Network, a cookbook deal, as well as the majority of her endorsement deals. The abrupt closing of Uncle Bubba’s, which opened in 2004, surprised some staff and fans. One employee told PEOPLE, “I was

supposed to work tonight and got a text this morning saying the restaurant was closed.” “It’s crazy,” he added. “All the employees I’ve talked to are mad because everybody’s worked there so long. Why overnight? Seems like they could’ve said we’re closing in a week or something like that. I’m bummed because it was good money.” According to reps, employees at the restaurant will receive severance based on their position and tenure. Additionally, “all effort will be made to find employees comparable employment with other Savannah restaurant organizations.” No word yet on whether any of the staff will end up working at the Deen family’s other Savannah restaurant, Lady & Sons. But an employee from there stood outside Uncle Bubba’s this morning informed visitors the restaurant had closed and recommended heading to Lady & Sons instead.. There was also an off-duty police officer on hand hired by Paula Deen Enterprises for security purposes, according to Julian Miller, the Public Affairs Administrator for the SavannahChatham Metropolitan police department. Sources close to the family deny the move had anything to do with last year’s drama. “They’re just moving forward and focusing on other things,” explained one source. (People)


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Times Sunday Magazine 13

Star Times Bollywood

Pulkit Samrat is an Indian actor and model. He is best known for starring as Lakshya Virani in the popular show “Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi” (2006). He won Best Fresh New Face Award at The Indian Telly Awards and Favourite Naya Sadasya (Favourite Newcomer) at Star Parivaar Awards for that show. In 2011, he appeared as the lead in choreographer Vaibhavi Merchant's musical theatrical “Taj Express”. He made his film debut with “Bittoo Boss” (2012), thereafter “Fukrey” (2013), which was hit. His most recent film is “O Teri”, which is produced by Atul Agnihotri and also stars Sarah Jane Dias.

Pulkit Samrat


14 Times Sunday Magazine

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Times Bollywood

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan confirmed Amitabh Bachchan thanks SRK for cameo A to star in Mani Ratnam film

A

ishwarya Rai Bachchan is to make her comeback in Mani Ratnam's next film. The former beauty queen made her film debut with Ratnam in 1997 in “Iruvar” and worked with the director again for “Guru” and “Raavan”. The director's wife Suhasini confirmed the news to Hindustan Times explaining the film is a "Tamil-Telugu bi-lingual film, a spy-thriller, an espionage film like “Mission Impossible” and “Bourne Identity”. "The film also stars Tamil stars Mahesh Babu and Nagarjuna, and Shruti Hassan in the second lead," she added. Shooting for the untitled project begins in June. Bachchan, who was last seen in the 2010 film “Guzaarish” with Hrithik Roshan, has

been the focus of ongoing speculation regarding her comeback movie. The actress was forced to issue a statement denying she had committed to any film projects after reports circulated that she had signed for P. Vasu's film. (Hindustan Times)

mitabh Bachchan has thanked Shah Rukh Khan for his cameo appearance in “Bhootnath Returns”. Khan will be seen making a special appearance in the upcoming film. "Thank you Shah Rukh for being a part of ‘Bhoothnath Returns’ and taking time out to shoot with us... ever gracious," said Bachchan. Khan responded by praising the film and wishing luck to the production team. "The pleasure was all mine sir. Film looks endearing and hard worked at. All the best to the whole team especially the Chopras,'' he said. Khan also made an earlier cameo in the original “Bhootnath” in 2008. Ranbir Kapoor also filmed a small part in the project in January. “Bhootnath Returns” releases on April 11. (Digital Spy)

Raveena Tandon offers to pay for Sonakshi Sinha: 'I can't remember the stalker's medical treatment last time I met Shahid Kapoor'

S

onakshi Sinha has said she has had enough of rumours linking her to Shahid Kapoor. The actress has been linked with Kapoor after they starred together in Prabhu Deva's “R… Rajkumar”. The 26-year-old told IANS: "It is like I can't move out. You connect me to him! I can't remember the last time I met him or spoke to him. "It's like if I step out of my house, the news come out that I have stepped out to meet him. It's quite annoying," she added. The “Holiday” star, whose father is veteran actor Shatrughan Sinha, said her family don't react to such gossip. "No they haven't reacted to any such reports, they are used to it. Luckily, my

family knows me and if anything as such would have happened, they would be the first ones to know. But they don't react to all this," said Sinha. While Sinha has not previously been linked with

any of her co-stars, Kapoor has been in longterm relationships with actresses Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra. The “Haider” actor has said he is fed up of dating actresses. (Digital Spy)

R

aveena Tandon has recently been prey to a violent stalker who has been following the actress around for several months. "She didn't take much notice of him till last week when he followed her to Otters Club, which she visits often accompanied by her husband Anil Thadani. The stalker followed the couple around the club and even attacked Anil till he was restrained by the security and shooed away," said a source close to the actress. The following week was eventless, but yesterday, the same man started pelting stones at Raveena's Carter Road residence. Anil, who was returning home at the time was targeted too, his BMW took a few hits on the windshield. The couple has filed an FIR with the Khar Police station. The 42-year-old man, who has since been arrested, has been identified as Mahaveer Jaspal Pandav, a Khar resident. When questioned, he said that he was married to Raveena and was only trying to protect her.

"When informed about his delusional state of mind, a sympathetic Raveena offered to bear the cost of his psychiatric treatment," added the source. (Times of India)

Sushmita Sen: ‘I’m looking Imran Khan gears up for fatherhood forward to acting with Ash’

I

mran Khan is very excited these days as he will soon become a dad. Imran, who has always maintained that he wants to be a hands-on father, says that he has started preparing for this impor-

tant phase in his life. Sharing his joy with the media, he says, "Right now I am doing my rehearsals and preparations to get into the part. We are doing some intensive workshops. I am working with my 'producer' Avantika." Asked what exactly he meant by intensive workshops, Imran replies, "I buy all those books on babies and it is lot of fun." And on a humorous note, the actor adds, "But it is Avantika (his wife) who is heading the production." Imran had earlier said that he would take time off and would be around to experience fatherhood rather than run off to a film set leaving the kid at home. In fact, Imran was earlier quoted saying, "Films will come and go, your child, your son or daughter's childhood... that is going to happen only once. Take six months off. What is the rush?" (Times of India)

A

sh’s one-time rival and former Miss Universe, Sushmita

Sen, says she is looking ­forward to work with her in adman Prahlad Kakar’s

debut Bollywood directorial, “Happy Anniversary”, which may be Ash’s Hindi film comeback. “Aishwarya, I am looking forward to working with you! The truth is that Prahlad, Ash and I go back a long way... to our (1994) beauty pageant days.” Sush adds, “I’ve never known her well enough to call her a friend. But I think she is a great human being. In those days, our lives ran parallel. Later, we chose different paths. But there was no rivalry. I live my life loving people.” (Hindustan Times)


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Times Sunday Magazine

15

Times Healthy Living

T

he myth: Your fertility plummets after age 35. The facts: Women have been led to believe that our eggs are stamped with an expiration date: midnight on our 35th birthday. But a recent study headed by Anne Steiner, MD, an assistant professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, found that

among 38- and 39-year-olds who had been pregnant before, 80 percent got pregnant naturally within six months. This doesn't mean that the quality and quantity of eggs doesn't decline with age (experts still maintain that by age 40, a woman's chance of getting pregnant is less than 5 percent per cycle). But the decline happens at such variable rates that many healthy women will still have a stockpile of viable eggs late into their 30s. So investigate (by talking to your gynecologist), before dismissing your chances. The myth: With no family history of breast cancer, you're pretty much in the clear. The facts: About 10 percent of women diagnosed with breast cancer have a mother or sister who also had it, or some other strong family connection. Another 10 percent have a family member a little further down the family tree. But about 80 percent have no fam-

P

imply? Puffy? Wrinkly? How the way you eat can affect the way you look.

The Wholesome Drink That's Linked to Acne

ily history at all. The reason your doctor is so interested in your relatives is because we still don't have a better way to identify which women are at the highest risk for the disease, says Debbie Saslow, PhD, the director of breast and gynecologic cancer for the American Cancer Society. The only other risk factor that even comes close is age, she says, which is why it's important to keep up with those mammograms. The myth: If you've got hot flashes, you've got menopause. The facts: Hot flashes, as you've no doubt heard, plague 85 percent of women going through menopause. But these sudden drenchyour-blouse sessions can also be triggered by anxiety and stress. Other, less common causes include hormone imbalances, thyroid disorders and infections. So if you're under 40 (less than 1 percent of women hit menopause before this age) and are experiencing symp-

soda, honey, agave nectar) or simple carbs (bagels, pasta, cupcakes) can throw off your insulin levels, which can lead to inflammation both inside the body aswell as on your face, explains Dattner. (Bonus: Giving up sweets and starches can also help you lose weight). Try this: Dattner suggests that those plagued by pimples avoid sugary cereals, which often have a higher glycemic index than both sugar and simple carbs alone.

The Skin Saboteur Hiding in Plain Sight at Every BBQ

Studies linking the consumption of dairy to breakouts date back to the 1960s. In fact, doctors used to treat acne by recommending patients give up milk, says Alan Dattner, MD, a holistic dermatologist who practices in New York and a fellow of the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD). But then, as medication to treat pimples became more effective and available, Dattner says, there was less of a focus on preventing breakouts through dietary changes. That didn't stop the evidence (and the anecdotes) from piling up over the years, and in 2010, an influential research review published in the ‘Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology’ found an association between dairy consumption and acne. Now the AAD suggests that acne sufferers talk to their dermatologist about limiting dairy to see if that helps. Try this: Consider cutting back on skim milk, Dattner says, which has shown the strongest link with skin flare-ups. (Yogurt seems to have the weakest effect.)

The Snacks That Can Inflame Your Skin (While They Inflate the Rest of You)

Heating meat at high temperatures produces a chemical reaction between the fat and protein that results in compounds called "advanced glycation end products" (AGES). These AGES are aptly named, says Dattner, because they're linked to oxidative stress and inflammation that can make your skin look ruddier, duller and more wrinkled— older, in general. (AGES can also increase your risk of diabetes and cardiovascular disease.) These compounds are found in French fries, potato chips, deep-fried chicken and other foods that have been cooked in oil at extremely high temperatures. What's more, Dattner says, is that AGES can interact with UV rays and wreak havoc on the skin. Try this: You don't need to go on a rawfood diet, but it might not be a bad idea to eat grilled foods in moderation (deep-fried, too, but you knew that).

The Little Bags of Salty Goodness That Cause Little Bags of Puffy Sadness

When a team of nutritionists and dermatologists reviewed the scientific connection between food and skin, they came away with a pretty compelling case against a high-glycemic diet. Eating a lot of sugar (raisins,

Many brands of chips, crackers and popcorn are loaded with sodium, which can cause water retention. If you're prone to puffiness all over, it will be most noticeable

toms of menopause but don't have any reason to think you're going through "the change," it may be due to something else. Either way, talk to your doctor to figure out what's going on. The myth: Cranberry juice cures your urinary tract infection. The facts: The strategy isn't totally (sorry!) fruity. Cranberries contain substances—such as quinic acid, malic acid and citric acid— that can prevent infection-causing bacteria such as E. coli from sticking to the walls of the bladder. But if you already have symptoms, such as burning and itching, that means there's too much bacteria in your bladder and kidneys for the berries alone to wash out, remove or destroy. As for protecting you from future UTIs: A recent review of 24 studies and 4,473 participants concluded that the benefits of cranberries have been overstated and that drinking the juice

under the eyes, because the skin there is very thin, and it doesn't take much to cause swelling. Dattner adds that these kinds of greasy snacks are likely to have been cooked at high temps, and thus contain AGES,

or taking supplements hasn't been shown to make a significant difference in prevention. Instead, think about...chicken: A high percentage of packaged raw chicken has been found to be contaminated with the kind of E. coli that can cause UTIs in humans. (Excerpted from www. oprah.com)

which could result in a double-whammy of puffiness and redness. Try this: Roasted, unsalted mixed nuts can satisfy your snack craving without the side effects. (www.oprah.com)


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Times Home & Cooking

Creatively Colourful Shower Curtains Lacking colour in the bathroom? Spice up your bathroom with a colourful shower curtain that's sure to turn heads.

With deep blue tiled walls, a golden yellow shower curtain brightens the space and provides a bold contrast

Salara (Coconut Roll) Ingredients: 1 tbsp dry yeast ¼ cup warm water ¼ cup sugar 1 cup milk ¼ cup shortening 1 tsp salt 3 cups flour 1 egg, beaten

1 tbsp butter 1 egg white Filling: 1 cup shredded coconut ½ cup sugar ½ tsp cinnamon ½ tsp vanilla essence 5 drops red/strawberry food colouring

Method: Dissolve the yeast in warm water. Sprinkle with 1 teaspoon (5 ml) of sugar. Mix and let stand. Warm the milk, combine the shortening, salt and sugar; add flour and egg. Knead to make moderately stiff dough. Shape into a ball. Place the dough in a greased bowl, cover; let rise to double in size for about 1 hour. Combine all the filling ingredients and set aside. Punch down the dough and divide in half. Roll each half into an 12 inch x 8 inch rectangle, and brush with melted butter. Sprinkle half of the filling mixture on each rectangle of dough. Roll up lengthwise and

seal the edges. Cover and let rise until double in bulk. Brush the rolls with beaten egg white. Bake at 375°F (190°C) for 20 - 30 minutes. Cut into slices and serve. Yields 2 rolls.

Cheese Fries Ingredients: 1 sack frozen French fries 2 tablespoons butter 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups whole milk 2 1/2 cups, (10-ounce) sack shredded yellow Cheddar 3 squirts ketchup, about 1/4 cup

Method: Put fries in oven on a cookie sheet. While fries are baking in the oven, place a sauce pot on the stove and heat it over medium heat. Add butter and melt it. Add the flour and stir. Cook butter and flour together for 1 minute or so. This is called "roux" (pronounced ‘roo’) and it helps to thicken up sauces. Use a whisk to stir as the milk goes into the pot. Keep stirring until the milk gets thicker. Use a wooden spoon or heatsafe spatula to stir in the cheese. When all of the cheese melts, take the sauce off the heat and stir in 3 squirts of ketchup. Pour the sauce over the fries or serve the sauce on the side if you like to dipping better.

Use natural green tones to stand out against the white brick wall

Greatest Cooking Tips This pink paisley shower curtain adds a girly touch and stands out against the bathroom's white walls and fixtures

Avoid sticky rice: Wash the rice a few times until the water runs clear. Remove all the water until no water remains. Let it sit for 20 minutes. This will remove all the starch and help the rice to remain separate. Also adding a few drops of lemon juice to the rice while cooking, you will find that the grains of rice tend to remain separate. Remedy for salty curry: Wash a potato. Cut into two. Place the two halves of the raw potato in the curry and it will absorb the extra salt. Overripe tomatoes: Dip them in cold water, add some salt and leave overnight. They will be fresh and firm to touch the next day. Avoiding over-spilling milk when boiling: Before pouring milk into a pot for boiling rub butter along the top edge and inside lip of the pot. When the milk foams up, it will stop over spilling when it hits the butter. The best way to thaw fish is in milk. The milk draws out the frozen taste and gives the fish a fresh flavour. To prevent butter from over-browning in your pan, add a little bit of lemon juice. Celery getting floppy? Try wrapping it in tin foil before storing in the refrigerator.

Home Help

This vine covered curtain makes a rainforest resort out of a shower

For cleaning a glass-top stove, use lemon juice or vinegar. Fill a spray bottle with hot water, and add either lemon juice or vinegar. Spray the solution directly on the grimy stain, and wipe with a clean cloth. Repeat as necessary. For both methods, don't forget to rinse the clean spot again and wipe it completely dry with another cloth. Baking soda's a great all-purpose cleaning solution for lots of things around the house. Mixed with water you can use it to remove tarnish from copper, juice and coffee stains from countertops, discoloration on stainless steel and hard-to-remove grease. For stubborn stains on granite countertops, try using a poultice, or extractor. Make a paste using flour plus hydrogen peroxide. The thick, pasty mixture should be applied generously, then covered with a plastic sheet and taped around the edges with painter's tape. Let it stand for 24 hours or more, then scrape up the paste and rinse the countertop with water. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!


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Times Sunday Magazine 17

Times Sunday Puzzle

There are four letters that are anagrams to form six words. You can cook food in ____. You need ____ to cover fast food cups. Red means ____ in certain situations. A ____ can be found on dirty clothes and animals. Police officers will ____ a warrant for someone's arrest. *Bonus* A student sometimes ____ to not go to college. see solution on page 22

see solution on page 22

see solution on page 22


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Times Creative Writing

O

nce upon a time, a good many years ago, there was a traveller, and he set out upon a journey. It was a magic journey, and was to seem very long when he began it, and very short when he got half way through. He travelled along a rather dark path for some little time, without meeting anything, until at last he came to a beautiful child. So he said to the child, "What do you do here?" And the child said, "I am always at play. Come and play with me!" So, he played with that child, the whole day long, and they were very merry. The sky was so blue, the sun was so bright, the water was so sparkling, the leaves were so green, the flowers were so lovely, and they heard such singing-birds and saw so many

butterflies, that everything was beautiful. This was in fine weather. When it rained, they loved to watch the falling drops, and to smell the fresh scents. When it blew, it was delightful to listen to the wind, and fancy what it said, as it came rushing from its home - where was that, they wondered - whistling and howling, driving the clouds before it, bending the trees, rumbling in the chimneys, shaking the house, and making the sea roar in fury. But, when it snowed, that was best of all; for, they liked nothing so well as to look up at the white flakes falling fast and thick, like down from the breasts of millions of white birds; and to see how smooth and deep the drift was; and to listen to the hush upon the paths and roads. They had plenty of the finest toys in the world, and the most astonishing picture books: all about scimitars and slippers and turbans, and dwarfs and giants and genii and fairies, and blue beards and beanstalks and riches and caverns and forests and Valentines and Orsons: and all new and all true. But, one day, of a sudden, the traveller lost the child. He called to him over and over again, but got no answer. So, he went upon his road, and went on for a little while without meeting anything, until at last he came to a handsome boy. So, he said to the boy, "What do you do here?" And the boy said, "I am always learning. Come and learn with me." So he learned with that boy about Jupiter and Juno, and the Greeks and the Romans, and I don't know what, and learned more than I could tell - or he either, for he soon forgot a great deal of it. But, they were not always learning; they had the merriest games that ever were played. They rowed upon the river in summer, and skated on the ice in winter; they were active afoot, and active on horseback; at cricket, and all games at ball; at prisoner's base, hare and hounds, follow my leader, and more sports than I can think of; nobody could beat them. They had holidays too, and Twelfth cakes, and parties where they danced till midnight,

and real theatres where they saw palaces of real gold and silver rise out of the real earth, and saw all the wonders of the world at once. As to friends, they had such dear friends and so many of them, that I want the time to reckon them up. They were all young, like the handsome boy, and were never to be strange to one another all their lives through. Still, one day, in the midst of all these pleasures, the traveller lost the boy as he had lost the child, and, after calling to him in vain, went on upon his journey. So he went on for a little while without seeing anything, until at last he came to a young man. So, he said to the young man, "What do you do here?" And the young man said, "I am always in love. Come and love with me." So, he went away with that young

man, and presently they came to one of the prettiest girls that ever was seen - just like Fanny in the corner there and she had eyes like Fanny, and hair like Fanny, and dimples like Fanny's, and she laughed and coloured just as Fanny does while I am talking about her. So, the young man fell in love directly - just as Somebody I won't mention, the first time he came here, did with Fanny. Well he was teased sometimes- just as Somebody used to be by Fanny; and they quarrelled sometimes - just as Somebody and Fanny used to quarrel; and they made it up, and sat in the dark, and wrote letters every day, and never were happy asunder and were always looking out for one another and pretending not to, and were engaged at Christmas-time, and sat close to one another by the fire, and were going to be married very soon--all exactly like Somebody I won't mention, and Fanny! But, the traveller lost them one day, as he had lost the rest of his friends, and, after calling to them to come back, which they never did, went on upon his journey. So, he went on for a little while without seeing anything, until at last he came to a middle-aged gentleman. So, he said to the gentleman, "What are you doing here?" And his answer was, "I am always busy. Come and be busy with me!" So, he began to be very busy with that gentleman, and they went on through the woods together. The whole journey was through the woods, only it had been open and green at first, like a woods in spring; and now began to be thick and dark, like a woods in summer; some of the little trees that had come out earliest, were even turning brown. The gentleman was not alone, but had a lady of about the same age with him, who was his wife; and they had children, who were with them too. So, they all went on together through the woods, cutting down the trees, and making a path through the branches and the fallen leaves, and carrying burdens, and working hard. Sometimes, they came to a long

green avenue that opened into deeper woods. Then they would hear a very little, distant voice crying, "Father, father, I am another child! Stop for me!" And presently they would see a very little figure, growing larger as it came along, running to join them. When it came up, they all crowded round it, and kissed and welcomed it; and then they all went on together. Sometimes, they came to several avenues at once, and then they all stood still, and one of the children said, "Father, I am going to sea," and another said, "Father, I am going to India," and another, "Father, I am going to seek my fortune where I can," and another, "Father, I am going to Heaven!" So, with many tears at parting, they went, solitary, down those avenues, each child upon its way; and the child who went to Heaven, rose into the golden air and vanished. Whenever these partings happened, the traveller looked at the gentleman, and saw him glance up at the sky above the trees, where the day was beginning to decline, and the sunset to come on. He saw, too, that his hair was turning grey. But, they never could rest long, for they had their journey to perform, and it was necessary for them to be always busy. At last, there had been so many partings that there were no children left, and only the traveller, the gentleman, and the lady, went upon their way in company. And now the woods was yellow; and now brown; and the leaves, even of the forest trees, began to fall. So, they came to an avenue that was darker than the rest, and were pressing forward on their journey without looking down it when the lady stopped. "My husband," said the lady. "I am called." They listened, and they heard a voice a long way down the avenue, say, "Mother, mother!" It was the voice of the first child who had said, "I am going to Heaven!" and the father said, "I pray not yet. The sunset is very near. I pray not yet!" But, the voice cried, "Mother, mother!" without minding him, though his hair was now quite white, and tears were on his face. Then, the mother, who was already drawn into the shade of the dark avenue and moving away with her arms still round his neck, kissed him, and said, "My dearest, I am summoned, and I go!" And she was gone. And the traveller and he were left alone together. And they went on and on together, until they came to very near the end of the wood: so near, that they could see the sunset shining red before them through the trees. Yet, once more, while he broke his way among the branches, the traveller lost his friend. He called and called, but there was no reply, and when he passed out of the wood, and saw the peaceful sun going down upon a wide purple prospect, he came to an old man sitting on a fallen tree. So, he said to the old man, "What do you do here?" And the old man said with a calm smile, "I am always remembering. Come and remember with me!" So the traveller sat down by the side of that old man, face to face with the serene sunset; and all his friends came softly back and stood around him. The beautiful child, the handsome boy, the young man in love, the father, mother, and children: every one of them was there, and he had lost nothing. So, he loved them all, and was kind and forbearing with them all, and was always pleased to watch them all, and they all honoured and loved him. And I think the traveller must be yourself, dear Grandfather, because this is what you do to us, and what we do to you. (By Charles Dickens)

It takes a mighty fire To create a great people. It takes a mighty fire To smelt true steel To create and temper steel Needs patience and endurance But oh what steel And what people Are my people The mould is not yet made – perhaps. That can unite and make my people one. But more important than the mould Is the temper of the steel The spirit of my people. Theirs is a vitality A quality of living That knows no equal. It is difficult steel to smelt They are crude and simple, Dark and deep, But oh what steel And what people Are my people And when that steel is smelted And when that steel is tempered And when that steel is cast Oh what a people shall my people be. Untitled- H D Carberry

The New House Now first, as I shut the door, I was alone In the new house; and the wind Began to moan Old at once was the house, And I was old; My ears teased with the dread Of what was foretold. Nights of storm, days of mist, without end; Sad days when the sun Shone in vain: old griefs and griefs Not yet begun. All was foretold me; naught Could I foresee; But I learned how the wind would sound After these things should be Thomas Hardy

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APRIL 6, 2014

Times Sunday Magazine 19


20 Times Sunday Magazine

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April 6, 2014

Times Tech

How To Recover a Lot of Space on Your iPhone Fast

I

t was a logical mistake. You didn’t imagine you’d ever fill up 32 or 64 gigabytes of storage, so you saved some money by buying an iPhone with less. And now you can’t even take a video or a photo, because your phone says it’s full. You’re frozen out until you have the time and expertise to delete stuff. But which stuff? You probably know that the biggest space hogs on your phone are likely your video files. Heck, deleting just one downloaded movie or TV show could solve your storage crunch instantly. But apps, photos, and music files also add up. Fortunately, iOS 7 makes it very easy to see what’s eating up your space — and to delete the fattest culprits to make the most room with the least effort. Here’s where you start: Open Settings, then tap General, then Usage, then wait a minute or two for the list of apps to appear. The list shows what’s using up your space, biggest items first. By tapping the > button at the right edge, you can see the details and, in many cases, make some deletions on the spot.

Tech news

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There are all the TV shows, movies, and podcasts you’ve bought or downloaded. Tap Edit to get red delete buttons beside their names (above, right), so that you can free up some space right now. To purge your photos, the quickest method is to hook up to iTunes, import the photos, and take advantage of the option to delete the freshly imported photos from the phone. Turning off your Photo Stream can give you back

Xbox password flaw exposed by five-year-old boy

five-year-old boy who worked out a security vulnerability on Microsoft's Xbox Live service has been officially thanked by the company. Kristoffer Von Hassel, from San Diego, figured out how to log in to his dad's account without the right password. Microsoft has fixed the flaw, and added Kristoffer to its list of recognised security researchers. In an interview with local news station KGTV, Kristoffer said: "I was like yea!" The boy worked out that entering the wrong password into the log-in screen would bring up a second password verification screen. Kristoffer discovered that if he simply pressed the space bar to fill up the password field, the system would let him in to his dad's account.

Tech Byte

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an instant gigabyte, too. (In Settings, tap iCloud, then turn off Photos.) The Usage list presents a long list of apps, biggest listed first. There’s a Delete App button for each one. Not everything appears in the Usage list, ready to delete. You know the coloured graph of what’s on your phone that shows up in iTunes? Often, the biggest item here is the mysterious Other category. What is that stuff? It’s caches

"I got nervous. I thought he was going to find out," Kristoffer told television station, KGTV. "I thought someone was going to steal the Xbox." Dad Robert - who works in security - sent details of the flaw to Microsoft. In a statement, the company said: "We're always listening to our customers and thank them for bringing issues to our attention. "We take security seriously at Xbox and fixed the issue as soon as we learned about it." Kristoffer's name now appears on a page set up to thank people who have discovered problems with Microsoft products. The company also gave him four free games, US$50 (£30), and a year-long subscription to Xbox Live. (BBC)

(Internet data stored on the phone to make repeated visits faster), backups, partial downloads, and data from iOS 7’s built-in apps — all your text messages and email, for example. Here’s how you clean them out: Delete the web browser cache. The phone saves web pages into its own memory so that they’ll appear faster the next time you try to visit them. If you’ve had your iPhone awhile, those cache files can really add up.

know your email passwords before you do this! In the process, you’ll vapourise all the attachment files and message caches that you’ve ever downloaded and opened on your phone. When you add the account back again, those files will still be online, ready to download — but only when you need them. (This trick works for most account types — but not for POP3 accounts.) Delete voice memos, music files, and ebooks. Audio files and iBooks eat up a lot of space, too. Consider purging the recordings, books, and songs you can do without (from within the Voice Memos, iBooks, and Music apps). (Yahoo)

Yahoo adds more data security

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nternet giant Yahoo said in a blog post that all of the traffic to its data centres is now encrypted. The company said it also planned to introduce additional security to other services, including Yahoo Messenger. Last November, Yahoo chief executive Marissa Mayer announced the company's security measures in the wake of US surveillance disclosures. Since then, users have already been able to access secure versions of popular products like Yahoo Sports. The move came after whistle-blower Edward Snowden leaked documents that alleged that the National Security Agency (NSA) used various technologies to spy on US citizens that included routinely asking firms like Yahoo and others for user information as well as tapping fibre-optic cables that carry global information networks. Yahoo said that as of March 31, all information being transmitted from one Yahoo data centre

It's about time: New atomic clock is more accurate

ood news for people who are sticklers for punctuality: The National Institute of Standards and Technology has a new atomic clock that isn't supposed to gain or lose a second in roughly 300 million years. The new clock was launched Thursday. It's located at the institute's Boulder centre. The clock is the nation's civilian time standard. The U.S. Naval Observatory maintains military time. The new clock, called NIST F-2, is about three times more accurate than the old one, called NIST F-1, the Boulder Daily Camera reported. The institute plans to operate both for a while and use comparisons to improve them. Banks, computer networks and others use the atomic clock to synchronize their own. The institute's radio broadcasts are used to update about 50 million timekeepers daily. Its Internet service gets about 8 billion automated synchronization requests a day. "Nothing here is going to change the way we live tomorrow, in terms of having a three-times-more-accurate clock," said physicist Steven Jefferts, lead designer of the new clock. "But these technologies keep getting adopted

Open Settings; tap Safari; tap Clear History and Clear Cookies and Data. You may get a speed boost as a side effect. Delete text messages. In the Messages app, you can delete individual texts or entire conversations; because they frequently include photo, audio, or video files, you can reclaim a lot of space. Delete email attachments. Files downloaded with your email take up a lot of space, too. The solution is to delete the email account (open Settings, then Mail, Contacts, Calendar, then the account name; scroll down and tap Delete Account) — and then add it again. Make sure you

for use in our society, so we have to keep inventing things to make them work better." Both clocks use cesium atoms to determine the exact length of a second. They measure the frequency of a particular transition in the cesium atom — which is more than 9.1 billion vibrations per second — and use it to define one second. One key difference is that the old clock operates at about 80 degrees while the atoms in the new clock are kept at about minus 316 degrees. That cooling significantly lowers the background radiation and reduces some tiny measurement errors in the old clock. (Yahoo)

to another is now encrypted, making it more difficult for outsiders to decipher emails and other information flowing between the centres. Search requests made on Yahoo's home page are also now automatically encrypted, and Yahoo said it was planning to add additional security measures to Messenger and video chat in the coming months. "Our goal is to encrypt our entire platform for all users at all time[s], by default," wrote newly installed chief security information officer Alex Stamos in the blog post. "We will continue to work hard to deploy the best possible technology to combat attacks and surveillance that violate our users' privacy," he added, without specifically mentioning the US government surveillance or allegations that the NSA spied on Yahoo users. Yahoo joined eight other companies, including Google, Facebook, and Apple, to call for reforms to US surveillance programmes in December. (BBC)

First look at reversible USB design

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new design for USB - a standardised connection for data transfers between electronic devices - has been shown off for the first time. The new connector will be reversible, bringing an end to the everyday irritant of trying to force a USB cable in the wrong way. The images were first published by technology news site The Verge. The USB Implementers Forum anticipates the new designs will be finalised in July. But rollout of new ports will take some time as manufacturers gradually incorporate them into their products. The new Type-C standard will be similar in size to the current MicroUSB connector, typically used for charging mobile phones

and cameras. The first USB cables were released in the mid-1990s and, until now, could only be plugged into a computer or other device one way round to ensure a data connection. Other improvements to the new cable include: support for scalable power charging, allowing the cable to offer up to 100 watts; data speed transfers of up to 10 gigabits per second, double what is possible at the moment; a promise that the new design will accommodate further upgrades. (BBC)


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April 6, 2014

Times Sunday Magazine 21

Times Art

Amanda Richards uses photography as a channel to capture the spirit of special moments as authentically as possible

'Kamuni Creek'

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ecently, photography has become a recognised form of art in Guyana. Many photography competitions being held by various entities, including the Guyana Tourism Authority, encourage persons to explore their skills in the art form. The result? Photography has gone from mere point-and-shoot to capturing life from an artistic point of view. In an interview with Guyana Times Sunday Magazine, photographer Amanda Richards explains her techniques in capturing life events and her advice for those who would like to follow in a similar path. Sunday Magazine: What sparked your interest in photography? Richards: Way back in 2009, my son had a school project that required pictures of wooden buildings in Georgetown. A search on the internet turned up very few usable photos, so we set off with a pointand-shoot camera and took our own. I decided to post these photos on a photo-sharing site, and the favourable responses encouraged me to continue posting. Today I have almost 8,000 photographs in my gallery on www. flickr.com/photos/arichards-gallery/. These photographs are in sets and albums, and collectively have received around 1,600,000 views and counting. Photographs of buildings, statues and monuments in Guyana are the most popular ones, and I guess that these are being used by students for assignments and for research

Sunset on the Demerara River

Winning entry from the last Guyana Tourism Authority competition – ‘Essequibo Sunrise’

Amanda Richards purposes. Sunday Magazine: Is photography a hobby, passion or career? Richards: Photography is both a hobby and a passion, and I use it not only to record places and events, but as a channel for capturing the spirit and emotion of special moments as authentically as possible. Sunday Magazine: What do you like photographing? Richards: Depends on my mood and interest at the time. I love a challenge, and I'm always trying new techniques. I have done flowers, birds, animals, architecture, landscapes, portraits, events and lots of perspectives of things from unusual angles. I love taking photographs at big colourful events

such as Mashramani and Children's Mashramani, as I am a big fan of vivid colour. I also love taking candid photos of young children. Sunday Magazine: What is your focus when photographing? Richards: I always try to plan ahead to make sure that I have the right equipment and that I have a basic idea of the right techniques that I need to get the shots I want. Then I'll go out and make it happen. You learn from your mistakes, so I'm not afraid to make them along the way. Sunday Magazine: What’s the secret to ‘good’ photography? Richards: Everyone has their own perspectives on what is a good photograph, and it often comes down to individual taste, but the basic requirements are good composition and focus. There are volumes that have been written on this subject, but most people are drawn to photos that have a subject that is in sharp focus and a scene with a story to tell. Sunday Magazine: Is good photography dependent on the camera or an artistic mind? Richards: Some of my earliest photographs using a simple pointand-shoot camera are still my favourites today. So I'd say that even though a good camera gives you more scope for creativity, you can still

use whatever equipment you have successfully, once you get the focus and composition right, and have the mindset to see photo opportunities everywhere. Sunday Magazine: Do you consider photography as an art? Richards: Photography is definitely an art, but one that can be learned. Anyone can use a camera, but it takes some practice and skill to effectively capture a moment in time. I learn something new every day. Sunday Magazine: Any projects you are currently working on? Richards: Right now I'm challenging myself to capture performers in motion at events under low light or variable light conditions without using the camera flash. If you've tried taking photos at dance recitals or late afternoon sporting events, you'll know that this is easier said than done. I've also just set up my own photo gallery/website at www. amanda-richards-guyana.com. I also have a bucket list of photographs that I would like to take some day, and I am constantly working on improving my skill level. I plan to seize opportunities as they arise to capture anything new and unique. Sunday Magazine: Have you received any awards for your photography?

Richards: I have received prizes in several local competitions, organised by the Public Relations Department of Embassy of the United States of America; PAHO; the Guyana Tourism Authority; and the Ministry of Culture, Youth and Sport. I also consider the support and positive feedback from friends and family as the true reward for what I do. My photographs have also been exhibited as a part of the last Visual Arts Competition, and I currently have two on show at the National Cultural Centre for the "Capture Guyana" competition and exhibition. Additionally, I showed five landscapes photographs at last year's "Kiss My Art" event organised by RED Entertainment. Internationally, my work has been exhibited at the United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen (2009) and the Fotofestival Mannheim Ludwigshafen Heidelberg in Cologne, Germany. Sunday Magazine: What is your advice for those who would like to pursue a career in photography? Richards: There's a quote, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” To choose photography as a career, you have to first and foremost love the art form, and be prepared to put in long hours to be successful. (Cover photo: ‘Evening at Splashmins’)


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APRIL 6, 2014

Times Sunday Magazine 23

Times Travel & Tourism

Enjoy a refreshing bath at the final destination- Orinduik Falls

Breathtaking views, like this in the photo, are enjoyed throughout the safari

Camp out at Ireng River

Serene sunset at Ireng River - a destination that will be visited during the safari

Adventurers are eagerly awaiting the upcoming eight-day, 600-mile, 12th Pakaraima Mountain Safari. This year’s safari is said to be the largest yet. Although 24 vehicles have registered, a convoy of 31 vehicles, including a truck, will undertake the over 600mile journey starting on 12 April until 20 April. The Pakaraima Mountain Safari, dubbed an “adventure of a lifetime”, entails travelling via 4×4 vehicles across Regions Four, Eight, Nine and Ten, starting below sea level and reaching approximately 3,800 ft above sea level. The journey takes participants through rugged terrain and passing more than 25 Amerindian villages before reaching its destination, Orinduik Falls. (Photos copyright to Michael C Lam. TheMichaelLamCollection.com)

Amazing view of the Pakaraima Mountain Range


24

Times Sunday Magazine

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APRIL 6, 2014

Times Last Laugh

By Melvin Durai

I

've been looking through an interesting book called "The Book of Questions," in which Dr. Gregory Stock poses more than 400 questions that help you explore your values, morals and beliefs.

Some are fairly simple questions that you already know the answers to, such as "Do you ever spit or pick your nose in public?" Others are questions that really test your values, such as "Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by twenty years to become Oprah's dog?" I changed the last ques-

tion slightly, but I haven't changed any of the following. I'm just going to answer them: Q: If you were at a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner and you found a dead cockroach in your salad, what would you do? A: I'd do the only ethi-

cal and moral thing: pick up the cockroach discreetly and toss it onto my friend's plate. That way, I won't embarrass my friend and I'd also be doing what all religions teach us to do: share. Q: What do you most strive for in your life: accomplishment, security, love, power, excitement, knowledge or something else?

A: I used to strive for many things, but now that I have two young children, I strive for only two things: peace and quiet. Q: If you had to spend the next two years inside a small but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person, whom would you like to have with you? A: Halle Berry, of course. I would have picked my wife, but I don't want to be selfish: Who would take care of our children? Q: If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? A: I would regret not having told my wife and children that I truly love and appreciate my car and they'd better not touch it. Q: For $20,000 would you go for three months without washing, brushing your teeth or using deodorant? A: Yes, I would. But how much are you going to pay the neighbors? Q: Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? A: That's easy: my Indian passport. If there's anything worse than watching your house on fire, it's spending a day at the Indian embassy. A friend of mine walked in with a full head of hair and walked out with a bald spot. I really felt bad for her. Q: If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you chose, would you? A: I can't think of any particular person I'd want to hurt. But I'd definitely take the doll with me the next time I go to the embassy.

The price

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said, as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, “$5,000 for a male brain, and $1,000 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used!"

Parental excuses

These are actual excuse notes from parents excusing their children from missing school (includes original spelling): Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

My feet

A three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."

Bible story

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

Stairway to Heaven

A redhead, brunette, and blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven. The brunette went first and started

laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either. Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing. “Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.” “I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”

Measuring

A city slicker came upon two country folk balancing a long piece of lumber vertically on the ground, while a third fellow with a measuring tape climbed up on the lumber. “What are you doing?”, asked the urbanite. “We are trying to measure this piece of wood,” replied the country cousin. “Why not lay it down and measure it?,” asked the city fellow. Nope,” replied the country boy. “That won’t do it! We want the height, not the length!”

Shrinking clothes

Max went into the doctor’s office for his annual check-up, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. So Max told the Doc that his suit must have shrunk over the last year, because it didn’t fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, “Suits don’t shrink just sitting in a closet. You probably put on a few pounds.” “That’s just it, Doc, I know I haven’t gained a single pound since the last time I wore it.” “Well, then,” said Doc, “You must have a case of Furniture Disease.” “What in the world is Furniture Disease?” asked Max. “That’s when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers.”

Always complaining

Brother John entered the "Monastery of Silence" and the Abbott said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so." Brother John lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbott said to him, "Brother John, you have been here five years now; you may speak two words." Brother John said, "Hard bed." "I'm sorry to hear that," the Abbot said. "We will get you a better bed." After another five years, Brother John was called by the Abbott. "You may say another two words, Brother John." "Cold food," said Brother John, and the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in the future. On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again called Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today." "I quit," said Brother John. The Abbot replied, "It is probably best; you've done nothing but complain since you got here."

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