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monday, march 31, 2014
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guyanatimesgy.com
Foundation
Parenting For Success
The dangers of emotional abuse: Alissa’s story — ChildLinK’s vision is a Guyanese society where every child enjoys the right to a childhood in a safe and caring family, free from poverty, violence, and exploitation
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leven-year-old Alissa Khan lives in a rural community in a small two-bedroom house with her mother Juliet. Her grandmother, uncles, and aunts live in a large two-storey house at the back of the same yard. She has cousins who live a few communities away and on weekends, they usually visit their grandmother. People, from time to time, would say how lucky Alissa was to be part of such a large family that cares for her well-being, but Alissa didn’t think they care for her. She knew that her mother loved her and in turn, she loved her mother more than anything else in the world. However, all her life, Alissa had been treated differently by her extended family. This treatment was especially perpetrated by her grandmother and uncle. Alissa was not welcome at her grandmother’s house like her cousins, and whenever they visited, they were not allowed to
play with her, either in the yard or in the house. They would turn their backs on her and say, ‘Mummy, says we’re not allowed to play with you, Alissa.’ Whenever her aunts, uncles, and cousins came to visit, her grandmother would have treats for the children but nothing for Alissa. Grandma would tell the girls how beautiful they all were, and the boys how strong they were, but nothing kind was said to Alissa. ‘You’re here all the time, what’s special about seeing you?’ Her grandmother would say when Alissa looked disappointed.
teacher noticed that her grades had dropped and she was no longer interested in outdoor activities and hanging out with her school friends. Sometimes, the class teacher would catch her in a daze in during class sessions. Not much was thought about the sudden change of behaviour until one day Alissa got really sick in school and started to complain about abdominal pains and a headache. She was taken to the sick bay at school to lie on the bed and relax in the hope that the pain would ease.
ter to the hospital, the teachers began to question Alissa about what she had eaten that morning for breakfast; she said toasted bread and eggs. A teacher then asked her if she had drunk anything: it was this question that made Alissa look up at the ceiling and begin to cry. The teacher explained to Alissa that she cares about her and wants to help her, but can only do so if she told her what was upsetting her. With tears rolling off her cheeks, Alissa told the teacher that that morning when
Emotional abuse
The way Alissa was treated by her extended family always bothered her mother, Juliet. Alissa would cry to her mother, and ask her why they treated her so badly. Her mother would try to comfort her in the best way that she knew how: ‘Alissa they’re just jealous because you’re so beautiful!’ But Alissa could see that her mother was afraid of her grandmother too, because she never openly said anything to them concerning the way they have been treating her At school Alissa’s class
better if you had died as a baby then we would all have been better off today.” Alissa told the teacher she had run behind the house and started to cry and that was when she saw the kerosene in the tin. She said she had decided to drink it, because she wanted to die. Upon hearing this, the teacher immediately sent for a ChildLinK counsellor who was at the school at the time. The Counsellor suggested that the child be taken immediately to the hospital for treatment. Just then the mother walked in and assisted in taking her daughter to the hospital.
No acceptance
Her condition worsened and she began to vomit in the sick bay. The headteacher immediately contacted her mother. While waiting for Juliet to come and take her daugh-
she was filling water to take a bath, her uncle came and pushed her away from the pipe and threw away her bucket of water, yelling, “You must not use this pipe to fill water! It would have been
After the incident was related to Juliet, she broke down in tears and wept for her daughter. The next day, Juliet was asked to visit the school to have a discussion with the Counsellor. Juliet told the Counsellor that since Alissa was born, her grandmother, uncle and aunts have been constantly harsh and bitter towards the child. According to Juliet, an arranged marriage had been set for her with an older man who resides overseas. The plan was for her to marry this man and then send for her parents and siblings, in the hope that
they could live a happier life abroad. This plan was ruined when Juliet fell in love with a younger man and got pregnant. They all tried to convince her to terminate the pregnancy, but she refused to abort her baby. “When Alissa was born and I looked upon her face I knew I had made the right choice, she was so beautiful and for the first time in my life I was glad for someone to love and care for, I could never give up my baby for them,” she said. After Alissa was born her family made it very clear that they would never accept the child, “but I didn’t care; she was mine and I love her”. Juliet said she had always been aware of the ill-treatment towards Alissa and had tried as much as possible to keep her away from them. She sighed, “I guess she needed to feel accepted by them. I was not aware of the incident this morning. If I had known, I would have protected Alissa.” The Counsellor reassured Juliet that what had happened that morning was not her fault, but something needed to be done about the extended family whose behaviour was clearly having a negative impact on Alissa’s well-being. Juliet said she would make a report to the police station about the incident. The Counsellor arranged a meeting with the extended family to further discuss the situation, but no one turned up. As a result of the incident, Alissa started to attend counselling sessions that focused on building a positive self-concept and adapting appropriate coping mechanisms that would neither hurt her or anyone else. Juliet was able to remove herself and daughter from the environment to a better home environment where Alissa feels loved and accepted by those around. Child protection is everyone’s business. Do not hesitate to report child abuse; you could be saving a life: children deserve to grow in a safe environment from abuse. If you know a child that is being abused, please make urgent contact with the Childcare and Protection Agency on telephone numbers 227-4082 or 2270976. Please contact ChildLinK on telephone number 2317174 or at programmes. childlink@networksgy.com for any support you may need on parenting and any other challenges that you may be experiencing with your children.