Swan Magazine July 2019 by Douglas Sutherland-Bruce

IN THIS ISSUE FEATURES

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Books and Writing

Fiction 28 My Dinner at Katherines 3 Non-Fiction The Noble Recreation 16 Poetry 4 The Cheese Story 6 The Idler 49 Winter Activities at KSP 5 Writing A Novel? 4 Business

Front Page Photograph: Holiday Reading Photograph 12RFT See article on page 6.

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Business Card Board 49 Finance with Steve 56 Networking 57 Community Annie’s Collective Wonderland 22 Green Polymer Cleans 9 Notes From Parliament 11 SAFE 62 Standing Up For Swan Hills 10 SVRN 54 The Compassionate Friends 63 Toodyay’s Food & Picnic Trail 7 What We Should Be Doing in the Swan Valley 8

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What’s On Leisure

House and Garden Entertainment

Dining Out - Stirling Arms 24 Film 22 Never Look Away 26 Paradise 26 The Prado Museum 27 Under the Silver Lake 60 Footnote People in History 58 Swan Stage 36 Reviews A Fast Life on Wheels 38 Arsenic & Old Lace 37 Hotel Sorrento 27 Popcorn 36 & 40 Theatre Companies Arena Arts 44 Garrick Theatre Club 45 Halcyon Playhouse 42 Life On Hold Productions 43 Melville Theatre 46 Roleystone Theatre 47 Stirling Players 41 TV With Chris 50 Gentleman Jack 52 DISCLAIMER The information in this publication is of a general nature. The articles contained herein are not intended to provide a complete discussion on each subject and or issues canvassed. Swan Magazine does not accept any liability for any statements or any opinion, or for any errors or omissions contained herein.

Swinburne Press (founded 1989) P: 0418 934 850 E: douglas.guvnor@gmail.com

SWAN MAGAZINE WEBSITE:

www.swanmagazine.com.au

Email: editor@swanmagazine.com.au Registered Address: 18 Tokay Lane, The Vines, Western Australia 6069 AUGUST DEADLINES: Advertisements: 1st August Editorial: 1st August Copyright: Swan Magazine 2019 2

BOOKS AND WRITING MY DINNER AT KATHERINE’S DOUGLAS SUTHERLAND-BRUCE

atherine Susannah Prichard was a great writer and in the fifty years since her death, her home in Greenmount has become a great help and haven for established and excellent burgeoning writers. chicken From time to time the KSP dish, Writers’ Centre has writers-invegetarian residence being offered a haven option, salad, of peace and quiet in order to write pastas and so on. without interruption. Often these are We tucked into this kind enough to lend their presence ample and delicious provender and and voice to literary dinners. then Suzi returned to talk about her One of the current two writers method of writing and her latest draft is mystery novelist Suzi Fox who was of her second novel - a psychological the guest of Honour at the recent Film thriller about a serial killer. Noir Literary Dinner - a Gatsby-esque Suzi is a working GP, a mother to her evening of food and readings by Susi small children, a wife and a fullFox from her last novel and the work in time university student finishing an progress. Associate Degree while finishing her I had not previously been to second novel. I suspect she gets four one of the Literary Dinners and was hours sleep every September. looking forward very much. This She then took questions, answering particular one had the theme ‘Film fully and honestly. Asked about Noir’, so I donned a soft black fedora the process she said an agent was and a mysterious look. essential and ‘be prepared to reSuzi Fox, author of Mine There were about twenty or so of write’. Mine went through about fifty (Photograph by D Sutherland-Bruce) us gathered round the appetizers and or more re-writes and polishing was everyone had entered into the spirit of the thing - lovely ladies continuous. garbed in black and men sporting 30’s hats and wide ties. She was articulate, insightful, helpful and charming. Over A motley group of people from all walks, ages and many years interviewing writers I have not always found this to professions with the sole connection of a love of words. After be the case - after all their chosen method of communication is a hour or so of getting to know each other - I met a poet, a the written word, not public speaking. University Professor, an author of young adult novels, publishers We rounded off the talk with a well-deserved avalanche of and avid readers. applause and the dinner with a selection of desserts, including a We were called to dinner by charming sable-clad truly impressive tirimisu. Chairperson Elizabeth Lewis (a published poet and teacher) I found the Literary Dinner most enjoyable, and at $40 and we sat around a long table beautifully and imaginatively excellent value. (It’s even cheaper if you’re a member. Yet decorated with toy guns, paper masks and lots and lots of loot another good reason to become one if you aren’t already.) from the Bank of Toyland. The next Literary Dinner will be ‘Thanks for The Memories’ She welcomed us and outlined the evening’s programme as on the evening of Tuesday 12th November - book here: www. well as briefly introducing the evening’s speaker, Suzi Fox, and kspwriterscentre.com. fellow writer and guest Natalie Cooke. I just love these long table meals where you are seated next to someone you don’t know and there is absolutely no pressure conversation flows in general directions and everyone has a damn good time. The three course meal was cooked by the Board and we were treated to home-cooked Mulligatawny Soup. While we digested this Suzi Fox read us the first chapter of her best-selling mystery Mine, about a woman who has an emergency Cesarean and wakes up positive that the little baby boy presented to her is not hers - hence the title. A master of suspense , she stopped at a most exciting point, leaving us dying to know ‘what happened next’? The Ladies in Black (Photograph by D Sutherland-Bruce) Main course was a buffet choice of an 3

BOOKS AND WRITING WRITING A NOVEL?

POETRY NO BETRAYAL

MARION LOGIE

I cannot understand What I have never felt How could I? It’s a longing that comes From deep inside From my soul

hey say everyone has at least one good book in them. Are you attempting to write that great novel? Have you written a first draft, but need help? The Society of Women Writers WA is conducting a Novel Writing Workshop on Saturday 17 August 2019 from 10.15am to 5.15pm in the Goldfields Room at the State Library of WA. This workshop will be run by Helen Iles, author of Bitter Comes the Storm, Fire in the Heartland, and The Horse Keepers, who will take you on a step-by-step journey through the novel writing process using sound writing techniques. Helen, the Chairperson of The Society of Women Writers WA, says “This workshop will help writers set a solid foundation to their story by focusing on theme, plot, conflict, the development of unique characters and the use of dialogue, hooks and cliffhangers. By setting the building blocks in place the novel will start to write itself." The workshop is open to men and women. Cost is $150 for members; $160 for non-members of the Society. Bookings are essential as places are limited. Email swwwabookingofficer@ gmail.com or call 0429 116 395. For more information, visit the website: www.swwofwa.com. au

It’s a knowing he’ll never betray me It’s comfort in his touch Words are not enough Nowhere near enough When there is love It doesn’t make a sound. Our hearts just know Have I ever felt this way before? No it’s not the same It’s never the same I am older now, wiser perhaps In this wisdom there are no traps. We each have a need A want, a passion And we have found it all In one another.

Writing a Novel?

lll

Venue: Goldfields Room, First Floor State Library of WA, 25 Francis Street, Perth

Helen Iles Saturday 17 August 2019 10.15am to 5.15pm Are you attempting to write that great novel? Have you completed a first draft, but need help? This workshop will be conducted by Helen Iles, author of Bitter Comes the Storm, Fire in the Heartland, and The Horse Keepers. Helen will help you set a solid foundation for your novel by focusing on theme, plot, conflict, the development of unique characters and the use of dialogue, hooks and cliffhangers. Men and women are encouraged to attend. Cost is $150 for Society members or $160 for non-members. Bookings essential. Email: swwwabookingofficer@gmail.com or call 0429 116 395 For further information visit www.swwofwa.com.au

BOOKS AND WRITING WINTER ACTIVITIES AT KSP SHANNON COYLE

We’ll also cover how to write a vivid picture of our personal experiences so that the reader feels they are there. Tickets from $35.

HOLIDAY HUB

Thursday 11th July 9.30am-5.00pm Come on over to the Perth hills to meet Elizabeth Lewis, published poet and librarian, who will guide each young writer through the process of creating a compelling story or poem. Scrap-booking and other book-craft supplies will be provided so writers can transform their work into a zine, or make an inspiration booklet on creativity and writing. Tickets from $40 for Shire of Mundaring residents. BYO lunch.

KSP WRITER-IN-RESIDENCE APPLICATIONS

Deadlines in July, August, September and October The KSP Writers’ Centre is proud to support the development of literary work by hosting a number of annual residencies, mentored retreats and fellowships for writers. Some positions offer a salary and opportunity to present workshops. Please visit our website for criteria and application details: www.kspwriterscentre.com

WRITE YOUR LIFE STORY WORKSHOP

KSP WRITING COMPETITIONS

Saturday 20th July 1.00-4.00pm Join Louise Allan, author of The Sisters’ Song (Allen and Unwin, 2018) who is running a workshop on how to write your life story. Whether you are already writing or wanting to write a memoir novel, short story, essay or blog, this workshop is the one for you. Many people want to write their personal stories but hold back because of fear of writing about private matters, fear they will be judged, and fear of writing about other people. It’s such a shame because storytelling is a powerful way to find meaning and connect with others. This workshop will cover the many good reasons for writing about our memories and lives, and how to conquer the fears that prevent us from doing it.

Deadlines in July, September and October In 2019, KSP’s is offering three writing competitions in the categories of Spooky Stories, Short Fiction, and Poetry. Entry costs for adults start at $10; youth can enter for free thanks to sponsorship from the Shire of Mundaring. Cash prizes and certificates on offer. To book or for more details on any of these activities please visit the KSP website www. kspwriterscentre.com or phone the office on 08 9294 1872.

AUDITION NOTICE

POTCHNAGOOLA By LOUISE HELFGOTT This year marks the fiftieth anniversary of the death of world-renowned West Australian writer Katharine Susannah Prichard. In order to celebrate this milestone, her memory and her work the Katharine Susannah Prichard Foundation has commissioned a one-act play about the unlikely but firm friendship between the aging writer and the teenaged musical prodigy, David Helfgott. Written by David’s sister, well-known playwright Louise Helfgott, the play will be presented at the KSP Writers’ Centre and at selected venues in October/November, 2019. The play is presented as one act and runs for roughly 55 minutes. Performance dates are the 2nd, 5th, 6th (two performances), 28th of October and the 8th November. Producer: Director:

The Katharine Susannah Prichard Foundation Douglas Sutherland-Bruce

Cast required (stage ages) Katharine Susannah Prichard 81 year old writer and activist David Helfgott 18 year old piano prodigy. (Ability to play the piano not required. The actor must be at least 18 years old.) There is a small honorarium of $50 per performance for the performers – six are envisaged at the moment. Auditions will be held on Sunday 21st July at KSP Writers’ Centre, 11 Old York Road, Greenmount. Between 12:00 and 5:00pm. There will be a cold reading, but you may wish to bring a prepared piece no longer than five minutes. Rehearsals will commence within a fortnight of being cast. Enquiries or bookings for audition times may be made by ringing the director, Douglas Sutherland-Bruce on 0418 934 850.

This play for the ‘Colours of Katharine’ 50th anniversary special community event is supported by the Western Australian government through the Department of Local Government, Sport and Cultural Industries, and the Shire of Mundaring. 5

BOOKS AND WRITING THE CHEESE STORY SHERENE STRAHAN

and ears open for the things that happen, the things people say and the way they say them because, one day, they could come in handy. They could either be a story themselves or be part of a bigger one. Prior preparation is collecting things that just might one day be useful. Planning is storing them somewhere I can find them again. Performance is pulling them out to use. Just like I did with this story, which I’d written up in my notes over a year ago. Seeing and listening is just as important as the writing itself. Story telling gets all the attention but story thinking – what we do before we write – is far more important. That’s where we lay the groundwork for success. What do you have stored in your memories or your notebooks, journals, photo collections that could enrich the writing you do? Being ourselves can be the greatest asset we have in getting and keeping the most finite resource today – attention. The CEO of US mega-brand Walmart knows how much it matters that we let people see us as human. “Of course we aren’t perfect. We make mistakes. But if the world could see all of the hard-working, well-intentioned people inside our company who are making things better in their communities and in the world, I’m convinced they would be moved by it all. I am.” Doug McMillon, Walmart CEO. But those moments of human-ness, our own and other people’s, can slip out of our grasp at the very time we need them. Unless we’ve carefully captured and saved them for just the right moment. If only I knew that as a ten year old. Then rather than cobbling something together in desperation, I could have served up a story my classmates would have eaten up.

was ten years old and we had just moved to Australia from England. I was all long hair, long socks and big glasses. And desperate to fit in. The teacher asked us to write about ‘Our Most Embarrassing Moment’. I enjoyed writing and thought this would be a chance to make the other kids laugh with my ‘hilarious’ story. I wanted to be funny and interesting, to get invited to parties and playdates. Yet as the minutes ticked by and the page remained stubbornly blank, I could feel opportunity leaking away. I had to write something. So, I reached back into my memories and came up with The Cheese Story, which I’m recreating here with grown-up perspective ( in my ten year old writer’s hands, the story was even duller than what follows). Every Saturday, our family went to the markets in Bury to buy fruit and vegetables, bread, flowers, cold meats and all kinds of other things. There were lots of stalls, with stall holders shouting above each other in their thick Northern England accents. Mum and Dad ended up at one of the most popular stalls – the cheese stall. I loved the cheese stall too, and I especially loved the crumbly fresh Lancashire cheese we bought there. The man would hack off a thick slice and wrap it in greaseproof paper. The cheese didn’t last long because Mum would break off chunks to eat in the car on the way home. The crowd was big at the cheese stall and as I pushed my way to the front, I thought Mum was right behind me calling out her order. When the Lancashire crumbly was handed past me to Mum, I grabbed it out of her hand and swung round telling her, ‘Bags first bite.’ But it wasn’t Mum – I’d grabbed it out of the hand of a complete stranger. It was my most embarrassing moment. Except it turns out it wasn’t. Because the most embarrassing moment was what happened when I proudly read out my story to the class and there was complete silence. Not a laugh. Not a smile. I had botched my chance to make a good impression and felt like an idiot. I didn’t know then about the 7Ps.

About the Author: Sherene Strahan is a journalist by background, and nature, who fell into marketing. She relishes the storytelling – data not so much. She says; “Any expertise I’ve gained over the years stems back to my training and experience in TV news and current affairs. It really helps in my current role in managing marketing and community engagement for a private school in the Perth Hills. Her website (www.sherenestrahan.com) is about her side project – exploring content marketing and content creation within the business arena. She is passionate about better ways to serve an audience with great content, and committed to sharing what she knows and learn with anyone who might want to learn more too.

It’s an army go-to phrase that says being ready beforehand shores up your chances of success in the moment. Obviously as a ten year old, I didn’t have the experience or the foresight to store away embarrassing moments to pull out when needed. It would have been nice if that had been the case. But now, as a writer, that’s exactly what I do. I keep my eyes

Swan Magazine is pleased and proud to able to share Sherene’s blog and thoughts with you. Look for her in next month’s issue, too. 6

COMMUNITY TOODYAY’S FOOD TRAIL DOUGLAS SUTHERLAND-BRUCE

he latest to join the Tourism Trails of Chittering, the Swan Valley and Wanneroo is the Toodyay Food & Picnic Trail. This is in addition to the established Toodyay Art Trail and showcases seven of Toodyay’s innovative and tourist-friendly venues. The Toodyay Food & Picnic Trail is a self-drive journey providing access to your choice of locally grown seasonal produce for your picnic basket. Along the trail, you will meet the growers and producers of dates, olive oil, wine, breads, pastured meats and condiments to fill your picnic basket along with a camel experience! Toodyay is known for its parks, wildflowers, nature reserves, natural bushland and riverside areas - so bring your picnic basket, stock it up and head to

The other partners include Esslemont Estate Olive Grove, established in 2000, where they grow Mission Frantic and Leccino varieties. They produce a premium certified organic extra virgin olive oil which has won both National and State awards. They harvest, process and bottle on-site and are very passionate about their product. Julimar Date Garden - locally grown dates, from the farm direct to the public. A seasonal fruit (summer/ autumn), the dates plantation was established in 2007. A new superfood, dates provide a healthy nutritious alternative to processed sugars. Situated in the historic old Post Office Uniquely Toodyay is a co-operative offering locally produced products such as macadamia nuts, jams, chutneys, sauces, certified organic honey and bee pollen, pastured eggs, olive oil, stone ground spelt flour and lime cordial. In addition locally made craft and art work are also available. Toodyay Bakery is an artisan bakery providing freshly baked bread including sourdoughs, pies, pasties, sausage rolls and cakes, all made in Toodyay sourcing locally grown produce. Toodyay Bakery has won many awards, along with taking home the Award for Australia’s Best Pastie in 2016. Seating and rest rooms are available, along with a balcony that offers a great view. A good place to stock your picnic basket.

one of the many picturesque locations. The trail can be experienced in half a day, a whole day or be enjoyed over a few days - the choice is yours. Perhaps stay a while at one of the many B&B's and other accommodation in town and out in the bushland surrounding Toodyay. This trail provides the opportunity to explore this 'hidden country gem' right on Perth's doorstep. The Trail was launched at one of the iconic venues, the Coorinja Coorinja Winery Vineyard. Established in the late 1870’s the winery has operated continuously, making it one of the oldest wineries in the State. All grapes are grown on the scenic undulating slopes around the historic Toodyay property. They offer wine tasting and cellar door sales. Perhaps find a picnic spot near the cellar or a quick walk up to the old Ringa Railway Bridge and Harper Brook.

The Meat Hook is a collaboration of the farmer, the Butcher and the Chef combining to provide a unique experience. Sourcing local, ethically raised meats, they slice, dice and mince to order. Offering freshly made in-house terrines, bacon, ham and a variety of sausages. Let them provide all your meaty needs for your picnic. DromeDairy Body+Skin is a Camel dairy producing high quality, ethical and affordable skincare from our own camel milk and offering the opportunity to get up close with their lovely camels (small and big) and experience the magic of camel milk skincare products. Tours: $5 adults, kids free. More information here: www.toodyay.com/ExploringToodyay. 7

COMMUNITY WHAT WE SHOULD BE DOING IN THE SWAN VALLEY COUNCILLOR ROD HENDERSON

ISITOR CENTRE – this project is fundamental for tourism development that is desperately needed the Swan Valley. The City has won the Australian Tourism award two years in a row and to expand visitation we need to actively drive the Valley as a destination. I had budgeted allocated for a plan to be prepared and I have continued to push for the project to remain on the City of Swan advocacy priority listing. State and Federal funding is needed to make the project a reality. The City owns land at Taylor Park in Caversham which is the best option available to us as our contribution towards the project. It is close to historic Guildford and situated off the Benara road roundabout on West Swan road. There is plenty of space to accommodate tourist busses, caravans and other uses. If funding is available, an aboriginal interpretive centre could also be located at the site and respectful discussions with the local aboriginal community is essential. Another significant advantage to a large building where we have the space is an opportunity to show off our museum collection of times gone by which is currently in storage. All of these benefits make this project a priority and are what I want to fight for.

region. I am keen to see further work in this area as the returns are good value for a relatively small investment. SIGNAGE – For some years I have been working with staff on how signage can be utilised for best benefit of business but to retain a rural outlook. Large signs advertising shopping centres are a blight on our key tourist routes and need to go! These and other changes will take time but they are necessary. CLEAN-UP – A former Premier of WA commented that the Valley was a rubbish tip. In some parts he is right, I’d like to see the Valley more attractive so that people can come here to enjoy the culture, the beautiful sights, to enjoy the food, wines, ciders, beers and spirts on offer. SWAN VALLEY PLANNING ACT REVIEW – It takes time to change State planning laws, there is no doubt that after twenty-four years the Act needs an update. The City is currently undertaking some changes but more is coming towards the end of the year should the minister accept proposed tightening of Swan Valley planning laws. The Department of Water is also tightening water availability in favour of viticulture/horticulture meaning that others will likely lose some of their allocation. There will be impacts across all sectors but this needs to done in a balanced way to support all who live and do business in the Valley.

TOURISM DEVELOPMENT – I am keen to continue development of the Asian tourist market. This year I attended a tourism marketing trip to Singapore (at my own cost) along with other Valley businesses to assist in promoting the Swan Valley as a destination. The event was well attended with key Singaporean tourism operatives highlighting expansion opportunities to our

THE STATE EQUESTRIAN CENTRE – The equestrian community occupies more than a third of the Valley with sporting activities across multiple disciplines. The SEC lease is due for renewal in 2020. For the past nineteen years a peppercorn lease has been in place such that equestrian groups can sublease the facility for their club uses. Apart from the current problem that millions of dollars are required to bring the building and grounds up to specifications, negotiating the new lease will take time and an understanding of the equestrian community needs is required. I started the discussion over twelve months ago so that both parties could prepare and develop their use case. Working with Equestrian WA to get the new lease in place and one that works for everyone is essential. There is of course much more to be done. Gidgegannup in the next edition.

The views expressed here are solely those of Rod Henderson and they

do not represent any determination of the City of Swan Council.

COMMUNITY GREEN POLYMER CLEANS DAVID SLY

he problem of cleaning up toxic Chemistry & Engineering. polyfluorinated alkyl substances This project was a collaboration (PFAS) pollution – commonly used in funded by the South Australian Defence non-stick and protective coatings, Innovation Partnership, with support lubricants and aviation fire-fighting from industry partners Puratap and the foams – has been solved through the Salisbury Council. Co-directors of the discovery of a new low-cost, safe and study were A/Prof Sally Plush and Prof environmentally friendly method that John Hayball at UniSA and Dr Justin removes PFAS from water. Chalker at Flinders University. Researchers from Flinders Flinders PhD student Nicholas University in collaboration with the Lundquist was the lead author of the University of South Australia, have study in collaboration with Research developed a new type of absorbent Fellow Dr Martin Sweetman of UniSA. polymer, made from waste cooking oil “This successful project has laid the and sulfur combined with powdered groundwork for significant ongoing, activated carbon (PAC). collaborative research between Nicholas Lundquist and Dr. Chalke In Australia, PFAS pollution – Flinders and UniSA,” says Dr Sweetman, which does not break down readily “as well as with our two industry in the environment - has been a hot partners Membrane Systems Australia news item due to the extensive historical use of fire-fighting and Puratap.” foams containing PFAS at airports and defence sites, resulting in Other key contributors to the study were several current and contaminated ground and surface water in these areas. former members of The Flinders University Institute for NanoScale While there have been few economic solutions for removing Science and technology including Kymberley Scroggie, Max PFAS from contaminated water, the new polymer adheres to Worthington, Dr Louisa Esdaile, and Salah Alboaiji. Funding for the start of this research came from the State carbon in a way that prevents caking during water filtration. It Government’s Defence Innovation Partnership program. works faster at PFAS uptake than the commonly used and more expensive granular activated carbon method, and it dramatically lowers the amount of dust generated during handling PAC ADVERTISEMENT lowering respiratory risks. “We need safe, low-cost and versatile methods for removing PFAS from water, and our polymer-carbon blend is a promising step in this direction,” says Flinders University’s Dr Justin Chalker, co-director of the study. “The next stage for us is to test this sorbent on a commercial scale and demonstrate its ability to purify thousands of litres of water. We are also investigating methods to recycle the sorbent and destroy the PFAS.” During the testing phase, the research team was able to directly observe the self-assembly of PFOA hemi-micelles on the surface of the polymer. Dr Chalker: “This is an important fundamental discovery about how PFOA interacts with surfaces.” The team demonstrated the effectiveness of the polymercarbon blend by purifying a sample of surface water obtained near a RAAF airbase. The new filter material reduced the PFAS content of this water from 150 parts per trillion (ppt) to less than 23 parts per trillion (ppt), which is well below the 70 ppt guidance values for PFAS limits in drinking water issues by the Australian Government Department of Health. The core technology for this PFAS sorbent is protected by a provisional patent. “Our canola oil polysulfide was found to be highly effective as a support material for powdered activated carbon, enhancing its efficiency and prospects for implementation,” says Nicholas Lundquist, PhD candidate at Flinders University and first author in 9359 0322 ken.wyatt.mp@aph.gov.au the ground-breaking study. The research paper, Polymer supported carbon for safe and kenwyatt.com.au kenwyattmp effective remediation of PFOA- and PFOS-contaminated water”, by Nicholas Lundquist, Martin Sweetman, Kymberley Scroggie, Max Worthington, Louisa Esdaile, Salah Alboaiji, Sally Plush, John Authorised by K.Wyatt MP, Shop 10-12 Forrestfield Marketplace, Hayball and Justin Chalker, has been published in ACS Sustainable 80 Hale Road, Forrestfield WA 6058.

KEN WYATT MP Federal Member for Hasluck

STANDING UP FOR SWAN HILLS CELEBRATING OUR COMMUNITY GROUPS JESSICA SHAW MLA - MEMBER FOR SWAN HILLS

hey say it takes a village to raise a child. It is true! We are very fortunate here in Swan Hills to have such a strong community, where so many people work tirelessly to take care of one another. This month I thought I would highlight just a few of the amazing groups we have working in our local community. They’re all very keen for new members – getting involved is a great way to give back and helps make our local area an even better place to live.

Our Progress, Resident and Ratepayer Groups Our community is supported by an amazing array of progress, resident and ratepayer associations. From hosting community events such as the Hills Billy Cart Festival to the Bullsbrook Community Fair, advocating on planning issues, safety and security, and making sure our communities have the services and facilities we need and deserve! Advertisement

Jessica Shaw MLA

Our local groups include: • Bullsbrook Resident and Ratepayers Association: www.facebook.com/groups/www.bullsbrook.org.au/ or www.bullsbrook.org.au/ • Chidlow Progress Association: www.facebook.com/Chidlowmatters/ • Ellenbrook and Districts Residents and Ratepayers Association: www.facebook.com/groups/EDRRA/ • Gidgegannup Progress Association: www.facebook.com/groups/993370027416337/ • Mount Helena Residents and Ratepayers Progress Association: www.facebook.com/mthelena/ • Sawyers Valley Residents and Ratepayers Association www.facebook.com/SVRRAI/ • Swan Valley Ratepayers and Residents Association: www.facebook.com/SwanValleyRatepayersAndResidentsAssoc/ • Upper Swan District Ratepayers and Residents Association www.rhusdrra.wordpress.com/ Rumour has it that the Brigadoon, may be forming an Association soon too. Thank you to all our groups for the wonderful work you do! I can’t encourage you enough to get along to your local group meetings and get involved with your local community.

LOCAL MEMBER FOR SWAN HILLS

@JessicaShawMLA Jessica.Shaw@mp.wa.gov.au 9296 7688 HERE TO HELP Aveley, Bailup, Belhus, Brigadoon, Bullsbrook, Chidlow, Ellenbrook, Gidgegannup, Melaleuca, Mount Helena, Sawyers Valley, The Vines, Upper Swan, and Wooroloo. Office Address 13/31 Egerton Drive Aveley WA 6069

Postal Address PO Box 2265 Ellenbrook WA 6069

Lions Club of Ellenbrook The Lions run a variety of fundraising activities, including the monthly Ellenbrook swap meets over spring and summer, the Children’s train at community events, Christmas carols, and sausage sizzles. Funds collected are distributed to a wide range of good causes in and around Ellenbrook and support disaster relief around the world. The Lion’s train is always a highlight for the kids at our local community festivals. Continued on page 61...

Standing up for Swan Hills Authorised by Jessica Shaw, 13/31 Egerton Drive, Aveley, WA 6069

NOTES FROM PARLIAMENT NATIONAL VOLUNTEERS WEEK Hon Donna Faragher JP MLC Member for East Metropolitan Region

hether it be a game of indoor bowls or cards, sewing or quilt making, the Lockridge Community Centre has something for everyone to enjoy. The centre is home to a number of groups including the Lockridge Seniors Indoor Bowls Club who meet regularly throughout the week. This friendly club has over a hundred members and provides seniors with an opportunity to stay active, to meet new people and remain engaged in their community. The club always welcomes new members. If you are interested in finding out more including details of when the club meets, please contact the community centre on 6161 4333. Thank you to Maureen and

Beryl for taking the time to show me their centre and to those members who shared some of their carpet bowling tips - I look forward to returning for another game very soon! Last month I also had the pleasure of visiting the Ertech Construction Academy in West Swan to learn more about the innovative training courses offered to Year 11 and 12 students who are interested in pursuing a career in the civil construction industry. The Academy is a project of the Motivation Foundation and since its opening in 2016, 140 students have graduated with a Certificate II in Civil Construction. In 2018, the Academy achieved a 100 per cent graduation rate with all students securing employment and one winning the Beazley Medal for VET Excellence. Metropolitan Region The Academy was also awarded the Civil Contractors Federation WA Training Employer of the Year Award. It is clear the dedicated hands-on training style and close mentorship that is provided by Academy instructors and industry supporters is having a positive impact on student training outcomes. If you would like to find out more please visit - www.ertech.com.au/ about-us/sustainability/ertechconstruction-academy/. Contact Donna If I can be of any assistance please 9379 0840 | faragher.eastmetro@mp.wa.gov.au do not hesitate to contact my office on donnafaragher.com.au DonnaFaragherMLC 9379 0840.

Donna Faragher JP MLC Member for East

WESTERN AUSTRALIA

Here to help!

Ground Floor 108 Swan Street, Guildford WA 6055

Authorised by S.Calabrese, Liberal Party, 2/12 Parliament Place, West Perth WA 6005.

WHAT’S ON IF YOU WOULD LIKE AN EVENT LISTED IN THIS COLUMN RING our office on 0418 934 850 Entries for non-profit entities are free. SWAN WOODTURNERS GROUP

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS - Glen Forrest Group Every Monday evening We meet at 7.00pm at the Glen Forrest Uniting Church, Mc Glew Rd, Glen Forrest. Call Dermot 0488 905 211 or John 0448 074 536 or the Perth Office (all hours) 9325 3566.

The group meets in the rear hall of The Senior Citizens’ Centre, The Avenue, Midland, at 1-00pm. on 1st, 3rd, 4th, and 5th. Tuesday, and at 7-00pm. on 2nd Tuesday of each month. A demonstration and cuppa are the norm. Men and Women are welcome. Enquiries to Ted 9295 4438.

AUSTRALIAN BREASTFEEDING ASSOC. Discussion groups, guest speakers, morning tea. Free breastfeeding counselling. Expectant mothers, mothers, babies and children welcome. National Breastfeeding Helpline 1800 686 2686 is a 24 hour 7 days a week service.

SWAN VALLEY COMMUNITY CENTRE

Monday Mornings The Art Group meets at Baskerville Hall from 9am – 12pm for just $5.00 per session. Group leader Gilly can help and advise with most media. Feel free to come and have a look and meet our local artists – they are a very friendly lot, new members welcome! For more information call 9296 1976 or enquiries@swanvalleycommunitycentre.com www.swanvalleycommunitycentre.com

Swan/Mundaring Group meets every Monday, 9:30-11:30am at the Gumnuts Family Centre, 8 Mudalla Way, Koongamia.  A qualified ABA counsellor is present at each meeting to give confidential information and support on breastfeeding issues. Contact Natalie 9572 4971.

EASTERN DISTRICTS MACHINE KNITTERS

Kalamunda Group meets fortnighly on a Thursday, 9:3011:30am at the Maida Vale Baptist Church, Edney Road, High Wycombe. Contact Jenny 9252 1996.

Friday - second and fourth We meet from 9:00am to noon at 10 Brockman Road, Midland. Feel welcome to join us for morning tea and see how easy it is to make your own garments. For more information contact Pat 9309 3260; Liz 9572 7074 or Pat 9295 2793.

Northam Group meets each second Tuesday of the month at the Bridgeley Community Centre, Wellington Street, Northam 10am to Noon. Fourth Tuesday each month at Toodyay Playgroup, Stirling Terrace, Toodyay. Noon to 2pm. Please phone Louisa 9574 0229.

SWAN HARMONY SINGERS

Wednesdays Come and sing with us! Swan Harmony Singers is a community choir that meets, 7-9pm, to sing music ranging from jazz to pop, plus the occasional classic. No auditions. Join us at the Salvation Army Church Hall, 371 Morrison Rd, (opposite Swan View Primary School), Swan View. Enquiries: call Anna on 9299 7249, or Chris on 9298 9529 or 0435 062 728.

THE HILLS CHOIR

Monday Evenings Do you enjoy singing and joining with others to make beautiful music? Come and join the Hills Choir. We meet from 7.30 to 9.30pm at the Uniting Church on Stoneville Road, Mundaring. Contact Margie on 9295 6103 for further information.

THE ZONTA CLUB OF SWAN HILLS

Wedneswday, March 20th at the Mallard Duck. Zonta, an International Service organization works to improve the lives of Women and Girls locally and internationally. Projects include Studies Assistance Grant to two girls at Cyril Jackson and Let Us Learn Madagascar a program that encourages girls to attend school, ensuring there are suitable toilets and girls have access to sanitary items. Teacher training is provided. Guests are welcome. To find out more about these and other projects or if you wish to be a guest please contact Ruth (08) 9272 9442 or email ruth@amsaustralia.com. Find us on facebook on www.zonta.org

ELLENBROOK COMMUNITY WEIGHT LOSS CLUB

Every Tuesday evening We meet from 6.45pm to 8.00pm at the Woodlake Community Hall, Meeting room 1 Highpoint Blvd, Ellenbrook. Friendly support group at low cost. Male and females of all ages welcome. Contact Shirley 9276 7938 shirleysardelich@aapt.net.au.

HILLS CHRONIC PAIN SUPPORT GROUP

1st Wednesday of each month Hilltop Grove Estate, 1645 Jacoby Street, Mahogany Creek. Morning tea provided, between 10.30 - 12.00 noon. Enquiries Terina 9572 1655.

ELLENBROOK AND DISTRICT MENS SHED INC.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday We are open at 4 Transit Way Ellenbrook from 10.00am to 3.00pm. Potential members can turn up on those days and there will be someone to explain what we do and give membership details. Annual fees are low and members can do their own thing, participate in projects for the community or simply just come in for a chat and a cuppa. We are considering extending our days to include Saturdays or evenings if there is enough interest.

MORRIS DANCING

All welcome. It’s like bush dancing, with sticks and bells. It’s aerobic exercise and great fun! Tuesdays 7-9pm practice, Guildford Town Hall, cnr James St and Meadow St, Guildford. And drinks later at the Woodbridge Hotel with live Irish music For more information please contact: Christine Hogan: 9279 8778 Email: madtattersmorris@iinet.Net.Au Website: madtattersmorris.myclub.org.au

MUSTARD SEED - DISCOVERING COMPUTERS

Mustard Seed is a nineteen year old non-profit organisation

WHAT’S ON and teaches all aspects of everyday computing. Ability levels from beginners onwards. Want help with Windows 10? In need of instruction with your Mac computer? Have an iPad or Android tablet and don’t know what it will do? We can help. Cost is $2 per session. Classes are held at 56 McGlew Road, Glen Forrest. To gain a place enrol now by phoning 0491 044 805 or emailing: mustardcomputers@gmail.com W: noodlebytes.com JUST A PIECE - TEXTILE KINSHIP Fortnightly Fridays This textile art group meets every fortnight Fridays 9.30 to 12.00 at Just Add Passion on Richardson Rd Stoneville. $5 per session, everyone welcome Check us out on Facebook or text Janette on 0407 633 771.

TALKING HORSES

Wednesday evenings 6:00pm The WA Horse Council equestrian radio program is now in its seventh year. The programme is broadcast on the Community Radio Station 91.3 SportFM. To ensure that your club, event, breed or business gets coverage, call Diane Bennit 0409 083 617.

SWAN VALLEY COMMUNITY CENTRE SWAN VALLEY HOMESCHOOL FAMILY PLAYGROUP

Thursday mornings 9:15am to 11:15am Older siblings welcome to join playgroup in a rural setting

in the Swan Valley. Normal playgroup guidelines apply for children zero to five years old. Baskerville Hall, 129 Memorial Drive, Baskerville. For more information ring 0419 922 792 or email enquiries@ swanvalleycommunitycentre.com

MIDLAND MEN’S SHED

Every Tuesday morning We meet socially every Tuesday morning from 9.30am to 11.30am in the Bellevue Baptist Church Hall and our usual attendance is around fifty-five. At least once a month we have a guest speaker on a range of topics. We also go on excursions to various places of interest (e.g. HMAS Stirling, Aviation Museum, Fremantle Ports, ALCOA, etc.). Our workshop with wood working and metal working is in Midvale and for the opening hours and further details please contact Brian Beer on 0411 833 055. Also in operation is our music group – the Rockin’ Shedders which is going from strength to strength and their repertoire of songs increases each week. For more information on the Shed please contact Kevin Buckland on 0417 961 971 or email: kebinsv@tpg.com.au. THE HILLS CHOIR Mondays We practice on Mondays from 7:30 pm to 9:30 pm at the Uniting Church in Stoneville Road, Mundaring. We are looking for Sopranos, Altos, Tenors and Basses over the age of sixteen to join us. We sing a range of sacred and secular music in four parts. Please phone Margie on 9295 6103, email the thehillschoir@ gmail.com or visit their website www.hillschoir.org.au.

Department of Primary Industries and Regional Development

Gall wasp infestation

Do you have citrus gall wasp?

Citrus gall wasp (Bruchophagus fellis) is a pest of citrus and a threat to the citrus industry in Western Australia. It damages citrus by producing galls that can weaken trees, making them unproductive. Heavy infestations can reduce crop yield and cause branch dieback.

Home gardeners are encouraged to act now to stop the spread of this pest.

Report galls to MyPestGuide Reporter at mypestguide.agric.wa.gov.au/reporter

What to do

What not to do

Check for galls from April to June.

Move plants between properties. Leave galls on the tree.

Prune-out galls by June 30 and place them in the sun to dry out (chop up large galls).

Throw galls in the rubbish without treatment.

Galls removed after June 30 must be chopped up and solarised (in a plastic bag) in a sunny location for at least four weeks to kill developing larvae.

Research into gall wasp control is ongoing, get the latest information at:

Work with your neighbours to reduce reinfestation of your tree.

agric.wa.gov.au/citrus-gall-wasp

agric.wa.gov.au 14

1121/19 JUNE 2019

Wasps emerge from galls in September and quickly begin egg laying but new season infestations will not be seen until April.

HOUSE AND GARDEN CITRUS GALL WASPS MARION LOGIE

he Department of Agriculture and Food is asking the community to look out for and report signs of citrus gall wasp. Citrus gall wasp (Bruchophagus fellis) is an Australian native insect from northern NSW and Queensland. Over time it has spread throughout the major citrus production regions of eastern Australia, such as the Riverina and Sunraysia, where it has become a major pest of citrus trees. The pest was discovered in the Perth suburb of Eden Hill in 2013 and subsequently in a number of surrounding suburbs, indicating it is already established. It produces distinctive galls on cultivated and native citrus making the trees less productive. These galls interfere with nutrient flow in the new shoots and affect fruit setting. Uncontrolled it can result in reduced fruit size, reduced tree vigour and reduced yield with extreme infestations causing branch dieback and potential tree death. While its natural host is the Australian finger lime (Citrus australasica), citrus gall wasp has become adapted to other

citrus varieties. The spread of citrus gall wasp into orchards and backyard citrus trees is usually the result of the introduction of infested citrus plants and the lack of monitoring of gall development in branches. Citrus gall wasps have limited flying range meaning that infestations within a property occur by the close presence of infested citrus trees, including across the fence of urban properties. Spread over long distances is facilitated by the wind, by movement of infested trees or by untreated infested branches. All cultivated citrus varieties can be attacked, though their susceptibility differs. For example: Grapefruit is the most susceptible cultivated variety and lemons and oranges can be seriously affected. The citrus gall wasp produces a single generation per year, spending most of its growth and development inside galls in branches. Adult wasps emerge from galls in spring (September to November), when environmental conditions are suitable. Emergence is closely associated with the spring growth flush. Adult wasps live for from three to fourteen days depending on the temperature. Each female can lay about 100 eggs, mostly laid under the bark of young spring shoots. Egg laying starts immediately after wasps emerge with most being laid within the first three days. The eggs hatch in 2–4 weeks and larvae then burrow into the bark for 9–10 month. Woody tissue is formed around the larvae causing the distinctive swelling of the gall. By the following winter the larvae inside the gall pupate ready to emerge again as adults in spring. Control of citrus gall wasp in both home backyards and citrus orchards is important to reduce the spread of this pest. Galls in newly infested branches are small and difficult to spot. Check for light-green coloured shoots coming out at right angles from branches. An integrated management approach is important to obtain effective and long lasting results. This will require the owners of citrus trees to: • monitor all citrus trees on your property, looking for the stem thickenings (galls) that signal citrus gall wasp infestation from April to June each year. • remove any visible galls by the end of June each year. • solarise any galls removed after June before disposing of them. • encourage neighbours to take the same precautions to control citrus gall wasp on their properties and to prevent its spread. • report galls found on citrus trees online to www.agric. wa.gov.au/pests-weeds-diseases/mypestguide. 15

FICTION THE NOBLE RECREATION

“The detective-story is the normal recreation of noble minds.” Philip Guedalla DOUGLAS SUTHERLAND-BRUCE PART ONE - IN THE BEGINNING

his series of articles can be loosely described as ‘a history of detective fiction’. In a sense that is true, we will be covering the growth of the genre, and in some detail, but this series will be much more than that. It will be a celebration of detective fiction, which, whatever else it may be, is enjoyable. There are many reasons why people read at all, even more why they read detective fiction but the main reason is - they are fun. And the moment they cease to be fun, we cease to read them. As Doctor Johnson said: “No man is a hypocrite in his pleasures.” These articles, I hope and certainly intend, should be as much fun as a good cosy read on a wet afternoon, with a pot of tea, a slab of fruit and nut and a baronet dead on the library hearth rug with a dagger of oriental design in his back. That’s the intention, and what it’s meant to be all about and if you learn anything that will be purely collateral benefit. We will be looking at some curious sidelights of the genre; why, for example, do so many detectives have either elder brothers or are twins? We have only to glance in the direction of Sherlock Holmes’ brother Mycroft, Hercule Poirot’s twin (older) brother Achille; Nero Wolfe’s twin brother Marko Vucic. Lord Peter Wimsey’s elder brother was the Duke of Denver, Rory Alleyn’s elder sibling was baronet Sir George Alleyn and Albert Campion definitely had an elder brother because a butler deduces Campion’s real name, identifying that they both wear the same unique pajamas (later we learn his brother’s name is Herbert, a most prosaic name compared to Campion’s real given name of Rudolph). Miss Marple is not stated as having specifically an elder brother, but she certainly had a nephew (“Dear Raymond is so good to me”) which argues for a sibling of some kind. We shall also take a sidelong long at some true crimes blood as opposed to gore one might say. Jack the Ripper, Alfred Rouse, Bruno Haupmann and a few of the more notorious poisoners. As well, we shall look at some real detectives, since both have been sources for the mysteries we know and enjoy so well. But before we do, let us consider what we mean by the term ‘detective story’. This would seem to be a silly question - everyone knows instinctively what a detective story is - it’s a story with a detective, obviously. If by detective you mean official detectives, then Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing is a detective story - which it isn’t. And if you exclude official detectives then Dame Ngaio Marsh’s series aren’t detective stories, which they most certainly are. What separates the two, of course, is not Chief Inspector Alleyn and Constable Dogberry but the problem. The mystery, the puzzle, if you will. This conforms with Ordean A Hagan’s definition in his book Who Done It (1969) which says a detective story is one in which ‘a detective or detectives solve the crime’. This is true, but only up to a point. I can think of at least two Sherlock Holmes stories where the crime is not solved, or the criminal not brought to justice anyway. And one of them is a murderess (Charles Augustus Milverton, if you’re interested).

In fact, in several of the Holmes stories there is no crime committed t all. And no one, I hope, is willing to argue these are not detective stories. A good working definition of what might be termed the ‘Golden Age’ of detective fiction was given by WH Auden, the poet, ‘The basic formula is this: a murder occurs; many are suspected; all but one suspect, who is the murderer, is eliminated; the murderer is arrested or dies.’ And yet, even within the narrow confines of ‘Golden Age’ stories I can think of several examples where this is not the case. The subtle pleasures of defining a detective story and the shades of difference between a detective story, a police procedural, a crime story, a spy story, a thriller and so on are both fascinating and futile. Fascinating because like the number of angels that dance on the point of a pin, there is no answer; and futile because for every definition at least half a dozen books can be produced that contradict it. This is clearly shown by the lists produced by the people whose definitions they support with ‘The Hundred Best’ or ‘Cornerstones of Detective Fiction’ since many of the entries on these lists violate their own theories. These lists cause much discussion of the after-dinner sort with howls of derision or rage at the omission of some muchloved book or the inclusion of some less-favoured work. I can well recall my own surprise at the inclusion of The Gentle Grafter (O Henry) and Dracula (Bram Stoker) in the QueenHaycraft ‘Cornerstones’. Neither of these are what most people would call crime stories, much less having anything to do with detection. What should go into a detective story? In a way this could be a re-hash of the definition discussion, but I have in mind plot, rather than limitations. For example, there should definitely be a crime. But need it be murder? What I would call the Crumpet and Arsenic School of 16

E.W. Hornung (1866–1921) Christie, Sayers, Allingham and Marsh would undoubtedly shout a resounding ‘Yes’. But Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and his brother-in-law EW Hornung would drawl ‘No’. There are few murders in Sherlock Holmes, though more actual horror, than is usual in detective stories, what with ears in cardboard boxes and severed thumbs. And EW Hornung’s Raffles stories have no murders at all, of course. And the criminal is also the ‘hero’. I find the Raffles books repellent, but they’re still popular. In many excellent books the murder, even if there is one, may be entirely secondary to the plot. One need only look at Brat Farrar by the admirable Josephine Tey. In this the murder, if indeed it was murder, took place some fifteen years before the action of the book begins and the driving force of the book is impersonation. Virtually all of John Dixon Carr’s stories, should a further example be required, are more concerned with the classic ‘locked room’ mystery rather than any murder which may have occurred. This is not to denigrate those books either as novels or detective stories, because they are excellent on both scores, but it shows that detective fiction need not be weltering in gore to be effective or readable. What about love interest? Willard Wright, who wrote the Philo Vance stories under the name of SS Van Dine, thought any love interest was not necessary. The characters in a detective story should, he said; ‘merely fulfill the requirements of plausibility’ because anything else would simply act ‘as a clog in the narrative machinery’. He placed a total ban on romance in his books and recommended his decision to other writers of the genre. In this he was supported by none other than the authority of Dorothy L Sayers who said: ‘the less love in a detective story, the better.’ She severely criticised ‘the heroes who insist on fooling about after young women when they ought to be putting their minds to the job of detection.’ Now this is a bit rich coming from a woman whose detective, Lord Peter Wimsey, mooned over Harriet Vane for six novels before winning her in Gaudy Night. Their married life is described in the play and novel Busman’s Honeymoon,

described by the author as ‘a love story with detective interruptions.’ Generally though, I should say that a little love interest is a good thing if not overdone. As evidence I point to the authors who used, even encouraged it - starting with Wilkie Collins in The Woman in White, running through Edgar Wallace (Bones and the Typewriter and Henry Sanders and Patricia Hamilton), Ngaio Marsh (Rory Alleyn and Agatha Troy), Josephine Tey (Robert Blair and Marion Sharpe) and even Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, who had Dr Watson fall in love and marry Mary Morstan - although he later regretted it and killed Mrs Watson off. Does there have to be a detective? This again, would seem to be obvious and one which must obviously be answered ‘yes’. But just think of all those many stories which do not have an official detective or even a ‘gifted amateur’, but some innocent bystander thrust by force of circumstances into the role of investigator. One thinks of Dick Francis’ admirable romances; John Le Carre’s early detective stories (Call for the Dead and A Murder of Quality); Josephine Tey’s eponymous Brat Farrar and Sigmund Brouwer’s group of literal ‘Accident Detectives’. Possibly the first of these of the modern era might be Marion Halcombe in The Woman in White. She is not a detective in any sense, but arrives at the truth. She must also be the only female detective, amateur of otherwise, with a moustache. Detectives range from the inhuman, superhuman, infallibles to the humdrum, workaday procedural. As examples of the first - Sherlock Holmes (naturally), Dr Thorndyke, the Thinking Machine and Nero Wolfe, Of the second, Inspector Bucket (Bleak House), Sergeant Cribb, DCI Banks and Inspector Maigret. Len Deighton’s protagonist in The Ipcress File and Funeral in Berlin is so self-effacing he doesn’t even have a name. Should the detective have an ‘idiot friend’? The theory behind idiot friends is that they are stand-ins for the reader. They are supposed to say all the things we would say; ask the questions we would; their insights are our insights, so the theory goes, and their confusion our confusion. Perhaps the reader should sue for defamation. The idiot friend is a cross between a red herring and an albatross. If there is a clear footprint, he walks across it. If there is an equally clear fingerprint, he invariably smudges it. If there is a vital telephone message, he forgets to relay it and if there’s a handwriting specimen he mis-identifies it. He’s also very good at establishing alibis - for the killer. If there’s one thing the idiot friend does well it’s pointing vehemently down the left hand track when the villain has wandered off down the right. The confirmed detective story reader will recognise this red herring for what it is and not be deceived. We are more than capable of panting off down the left hand track unaided. To qualify as an idiot friend a character must have total unshakable faith in the hero. That faith must be absolute. An example: The hero picks up a book of Serbo-Croatian poetry, not in translation. To best of the idiot friend’s knowledge, his fried has never been to Serbia or Croatia, nor has he ever even read a word of either language before. Nevertheless, when the hero remarks that there is a rather amusing grammatical error in the third stanza the idiot friend not only believes him, but castigates the author for his carelessness. The best idiot friends are never the same age as their heroes. Sometimes they aren’t even the same sex, such as ‘The Old Man in the Corner’s’ idiot friend Polly. The reason for this is to reinforce the concept that at no level, including chronological, are they equals. They may be older or younger, but not the same. Besides, if they are older the hero gets to twit them about being forgetful and if younger he (and they are almost invariably 17

in detective fiction - false clues cunningly placed by the author to divert suspicion and distract the reader. The term originates as far back as 1807 when it seems some people were distressed by the idea of a fox being hunted and torn apart alive by a pack of snarling hounds and a party of upper-class riders for ‘sport’ and wanted to disrupt the hunt. What Oscar Wilde described as ‘The unspeakable in ... pursuit of the uneatable.’ Polemicist William Cobbett for one, who took a kipper (a smoked herring, which goes a reddish brown in the smoking and is much esteemed as a breakfast food in the UK) and dragged it across the track, causing the hounds to veer off, following the false trail. So it’s the perfect term for a deceptive action designed to deceive.

THE FIRST

It would be an attractive thought that until police Forces came into being there could be no detective fiction - but that is far from the truth. By almost any definition the story of Susanna Basil Rathbone (Holmes) and Nigel Bruce (Watson) and the Elders would be regarded as a mystery tale. The story goes that Susanna (meaning ‘Lily) a fair woman, male) gets to tease them about having a lot to learn. Books with the wife of a man named Joakim was bathing in her garden idiot friends in them pass this off as witty repartee. having sent her attendants away unaware that two lustful The foremost and most famous idiot friend is, of course, Dr elders judges) have hidden themselves secretly to watch the Watson. The Dr Watson of the original books is nowhere near as lovely Susanna naked. idiotic as he is portrayed in a lot of the film and TV adaptations When she makes her way back to her house, they accost her, until very recently. threatening to blackmail her that she was meeting a young man Dr Watson as played by Nigel Bruce in the twelve movies in the garden unless she agrees to have sex with them. made by Universal Studios in the 30s and 40s with Basil She refuses indignantly and is arrested and put on trial the Rathbone as Holmes is shown as a drooling half-wit barely able next day. She is convicted on the false evidence and about to to dress himself in the morning. However he is pretty dim, even be lead away to be put to death for promiscuity when the young in the books. Daniel interrupts the proceedings, shouting that the elders The device is older than Dr Watson, however. The first of should be questioned to prevent the death of an innocent. the breed being Edgar Allan Poe’s Monsieur C Auguste Dupin’s After being separated, the two men are cross-examined friend, who is so self-effacing that like Deighton’s hero, is by Daniel about details of what they saw but disagree about the remains un-named. He works purely as a narrator, but he was tree under which Susanna supposedly met her lover. Conan Doyle’s inspiration. The first says they were under a mastic tree, the second A quick glance at a short list of idiot friends will show says an evergreen oak tree. The great difference in size between you the sort of person I mean - think of Sexton’s Blake’s Tinker; a mastic and an oak makes the elders’ lie plain to all the Albert Campion’s Magersfontein Lugg; Lord Peter Wimsey’s observers. Bunter and Precious Ramotswe’s Mma Grace Makutsi and The false accusers are put to death, and virtue triumphs. Hercule Poirot’s Captain Hastings - arguably the most idiotic of Classic. In fact the plot, slightly altered and updated, all the friends. of Strong Poison by Dorothy L Sayers. But all the elements of Other friends and sidekicks of the Great Detective may a modern plot and procedural are there - the assumption of be regarded as a help-meet rather than a hindrance and plot innocence, the examination of the witnesses individually and device, particularly when there’s boring legwork to be done. the weighing up of evidence. Examples here are Nero Wolfe’s Archie Goodwin; Inspector The first record of the story of Susanna dates it to the Morse’s Lewis; Inspector Wilfred Dover’s Sergeant MacGregor second century BCE, some two thousand years ago. It is accepted and Chief Inspector Alleyn’s Inspector ‘Bre’r’ Fox. as a genuine part of the Bible by the Roman Catholic Church and Incidentally, the term ‘red herring’ comes up a good deal the Eastern Orthodox Church and included in the Book of Daniel. 18

The Protestants have rejected it and regard it as part of the apocrypha. That’s nineteen centuries before the next generally recognised step.

François-Marie Arouet (Voltaire) [1694-1778] In 1748 Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet) published a book entitled Zadig ou la Destinée (Zadig, or The Book of Fate) about a good-hearted, observant, intelligent handsome young Babylonian, Zadig who, blighted in love, goes traveling. One day, walking near a little wood, he saw, hastening that way, one of the Queen’s chief eunuchs, followed by a troop of officials, who appeared to be in the greatest anxiety, running hither and thither like men distraught, in search of some lost treasure. ’Young man,’ cried the eunuch, ‘have you seen the Queen’s dog?’ Zadig answered, ‘A bitch, I think, not a dog.’ ‘Quite right,’ replied the eunuch; and Zadig continued, ‘A very small spaniel who has lately had puppies; she limps with the left foreleg, and has very long ears.’ ‘Ah! you have seen her then,’ said the breathless eunuch. ‘No,’ answered Zadig, ‘I have not seen her; and I really was not aware that the Queen possessed a spaniel.’ By an odd coincidence, at the very same time, the handsomest horse in the King’s stables broke away from his groom. The grand huntsman and all his staff were seeking the horse with as much anxiety as the eunuch and his people the spaniel; and the grand huntsman asked Zadig if he had not seen the King’s horse go that way. ’A first-rate galloper, small-hoofed, five feet high; tail three feet and a half long; cheek pieces of the bit of twenty-three carat gold; shoes silver?’ said Zadig. ’Which way did he go? Where is he?’ cried the grand huntsman. ’I have not seen anything of the horse, and I never heard of him before,’ replied Zadig. Naturally he was arrested. But he had a defence: ’This is what happened. I was taking a walk and I noticed

the track of an animal in the sand, and it was easy to see that it was that of a small dog. Long faint streaks upon the little elevations of sand between the footmarks convinced me that it was a she dog with pendent dugs, showing that she must have had puppies not many days since. Other scrapings of the sand, which always lay close to the marks of the forepaws, indicated that she had very long ears; and, as the imprint of one foot was always fainter than those of the other three, I judged that the lady dog was a little lame. ’With respect to the horse, I noticed the marks of horseshoes. They were all equidistant. Ah! said I, this is a famous galloper. In a narrow alley, only seven feet wide, the dust upon the trunks of the trees was a little disturbed at three feet and a half from the middle of the path. This horse, said I to myself, had a tail three feet and a half long, and, lashing it from one side to the other, he has swept away the dust.” ‘Branches of the trees met overhead at the height of five feet, and under them I saw newly fallen leaves; so I knew that the horse had brushed some of the branches, and was therefore five feet high. As to his bit, it must have been made of twenty-three carat gold, for he had rubbed it against a stone. Lastly, by the marks which his shoes left upon pebbles of another kind, I was led to think that his shoes were of fine silver.’ Does that remind any reader of anyone? Anyone tall, thin, and wearing a deer stalker? Voltaire never intended the book to be a simple e, detective tale at all, like most of his works it is designed to be read on two levels - firstly the story and secondly a commentary - some of the problems Zadig faces are thinly disguised references to social and political problems of Voltaire’s own day.

BOW STREET RUNNERS

We agree, I think, that detective stories predate police forces, but the establishment of such is naturally a requirement of police procedural novels. What became known as the Bow Street Runners was part of a huge overhaul of the entire system instigated by the Duke of Newcastle when he appointed Henry Fielding and John Fielding magistrates. They marked the first British effort towards increased professionalism and greater state control of street life in London, which had been known for lawlessness and crime.

The Bow Street Runners in action 19

Bow Street still exists in London and still contains a very busy magistrates court. The first magistrate of Bow Street was Thomas De Veil, appointed in 1740. Described as ‘a courageous man, unafraid to expose himself to the criminals and mobs who terrorised London at the time.’ Incorruptible in a time when corruption was rife De Veil set an example to Henry Fielding who succeeded him in 1748. Far better known as a playwright, satirist and as the author of Tom Jones, Fielding and his blind brother and fellow magistrate John founded a force of six officers to enforce the law a year later. What made them different from the constables, night-watchmen and thief-takers was that they were drawn from ordinary householders and worked out of Bow Street Magistrate’s Court and were paid a salary by the central government, rather that a system of bounties or rewards. They wore no uniforms but Runners were identified by carrying a tipstaff with the Royal Crown on it, which had a compartment inside to store official identification and documents. They were immensely successful despite their small numbers. In addition to arresting thieves they managed to break up several gangs and far-sighted people began to ask for the establishment of a larger police force. The Bow Street Runners continued until 1839, although Sir Robert Peel, as Home Secretary, established the Metropolitan Police Force in 1829.

acceptance grew their nicknames changed to ‘Bobbies’, for the founder, Sir Robert ‘Bobby’ Peel, ‘Peelers’ for the same reason and also ‘Coppers’ from the word ‘cop’ in the sense of ‘capture’ dating from at least 1704 - numerous other derivations from ‘constable of patrol’, copper badges (or helmets) or the like, while colourful are totally wrong. Later still in the 1880s the term ‘rozzer’ came into use - origin entirely unknown. A word that is no longer used but was popular in the 1850s was ‘esclop’, pronounced ‘slop’ and is police pronounced backwards. These days, of course, it’s The Old Bill or just The Bill, although this was originally just the London police, but the TV show gave it much wider use.

SÛRETÉ NATIONAL

In France the situation was rather different. Police as the France understand the term means an agent of government. The very word police is French and means ‘public order’. Arising from edicts from King Francis I between 1536 and 1544 which created the first systematic measures to police France in the form of a kind of military police known as the maréchaussée. Effective in the countryside, they were less so in the town so in 1666 King Louis XIV created a modern efficient police force. The edict issued by Louis XIV proclaimed the office of lieutenant of police (the title later was changed to lieutenant general of police). Nicolas de La Reynie, a magistrate, was the first person to hold the post, from 1667 to 1697. Like most government offices of the time, the police lieutenancy had to be bought from the French treasury—a system that favoured abuse, as the appointed officer naturally wished to recoup his investment. The lieutenant of police possessed regulatory, judicial, and executive powers. He also briefed the king on all noteworthy events in the realm, ranging from unusual crimes to matters considered threatening to state security (e.g., religious dissent). Very heavy reliance was placed on informers and agents. In a much-quoted remark, Lieutenant General of Police Antoine de Sartine boasted to King Louis XV that “whenever three people speak to one another on the street, one of these will be mine.” However they failed to predict the French revolution which swept them away along with all royalist systems. After the collapse of the French monarchy, the revolutionaries abolished the maréchaussée, only to reinstate it in 1791 under the name Gendarmerie Nationale. However, the constant turmoil of the revolutionary period prevented any further reforms until the rise of Napoleon Bonaparte and his minister of police, Joseph Fouché - most usually described as ‘sinister’. The revolutionary government created the general ministry of police in 1796 and appointed Fouché as minister. A consummate politician, Fouché won the confidence of the future emperor Bonaparte by helping him to carry out the coup d’état that brought him to power as one of three consuls in 1799. Supported by Bonaparte, Fouché reorganized the French police in legislation enacted in 1800. The lasting legacy of Fouché was his distinction—inherited in great part from the ancien régime—between “high” policing, with its focus on national security, and “low” policing, with its focus on crime. Which brings us to Eugéne François Vidocq. Born in Arras in 1775 he was destined to have a huge impact on the world of crime and detection, both literally and in literature. We shall look at Vidocq in next month’s issue ...

A ‘Peeler’ from the 1850s Peel did not want his policemen to look like soldiers so he dressed them as civilians in blue tail coats and reinforced black top hats. They were unarmed. Political disturbances in 1832 brought them into conflict with the general public who quickly regarded them as tool of repression used by the government. They rapidly came to hate the police and called them ‘Peel’s Bloody Gang’ or ‘Blue Lobsters’. It took thirty years before they became accepted, during which time crime diminished and public order was restored. As 20

COMMUNITY ANNIE’S COLLECTIVE WONDERLAND DOUGLAS SUTHERLAND-BRUCE

you drive around the UK, if you’re at all interested in old, ACentresantique and vintage you will see just about everywhere ‘Antique - 60 Dealers. Places like Leominster (pronounced ‘Lem-stir’)

seem to have huge buildings convered into collective antique stores with the dealers taking turns to man the counters or even hiring a manager. This means that you can see specialist collections and dealers, rents are shared, and dealers have time to source new (old) material while business continues. We don’t seem to have the same concept here in Australia yet. Or we didn’t until Annie had a very bright idea when Swan Settlers Markets was floated as a concept. If you love vintage, retro, antique, flea markets, shabby chic and just plain quirky, I expect you already know about Annie’s shop at Taylor’s Art House - Annie’s Vintage Wonderland. If you don’t, immediately put it on your ‘To Visit’ list. But the shop at Taylor’s, even with knocking into the next building is too small for Annie’s wonderland of wonders, so she has joined up with Swan Settlers Markets and rented a huge area in it, acting as a collective with a number of other dealers and suppliers. She even has her eye on an expansion within the markets, which would double the area and dealers’ spaces available. Annie has moved some of the more portable items from Taylor’s, raiding her large stock from the warehouse and buying in new old stock. ‘New’ seems like an odd word to use, but ‘old’ seems less accurate - perhaps ‘odds and ends’ might be better. A sampling of her goods might include, vintage jewellery and clothing, collectable stamps, matchbooks and boxes, suitcases, tins, Australiana, toys, books, walking sticks, 50’s furniture and she is one of only five Annie Sloan’s Chalk Paint stockists in Western Australia. Annie is a real person, unlike Betty Crocker, and is on hand to talk, deal and her happy cheerfulness is a huge asset to her shop. The collective is open from Thursday to Sunday, plus Public Holidays from 10:00am to 3:30pm, but if you ‘like’ her on Facebook facebook.com/AnniesVintageWonderland/ you can shop on her ‘Annie’s Vintage Wonderland Online Wonders’ pretty much all the time as treasures are photographed and posted in batches. Prices are open to negotiation, so now’s the time to call in and have a browse, make an offer and collect something you’ve been

COMMUNITY

seeking for ages - be it a 1963 Beano comic, a matchbook from the Playboy Club, a plastic soldier originally found in a Cornflakes packet, a street name or a dresser in peppermint green with orange trim. Whatever it might be - Annie may well have it, will get it, or knows where there is one. And while youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re there, you can browse the vast range of other stallholders at Swan Settlers Market - the newest addition to tourism in the Swan Valley. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a dealer looking to open a low-rent shop-front, talk to Annie - she can probably help.

DINING OUT

The Thoughts of an Ageing, Balding Foodie

STIRLING ARMS HOTEL DOUGLAS SUTHERLAND-BRUCE

f it is true, as famously Frank Lloyd Wright said, that the hearth is the heart of any home, then I think we may assume that the local pup is the heart of any community. It’s a place to escape the day to day worries of life, meet boon companions, share a drink, have an inexpensive simple meal, enjoy a convivial atmosphere, exchange views and discuss events, sporting, political and trivial. This naturally depends entirely on the quality of the local pup, of course. The Stirling Arms Hotel has a long and chequered history. It’s the oldest continually licensed hotel in Guildford, which along with Perth and Fremantle was one of the first established towns in the new Swan River Colony. So it has pedigree. It has changed hands a few times in the more than a century and a half of operating and in recently was showing some of its age. Looking a bit weary, like a Dowager Duchess down on her luck. But it has recently been taken over by new hands and under hands-on Managing Director Brendan Craig is burgeoning again into the rightful centre of community focus. The fabric of the building has been restored, renovated, reconditioned, renewed and refurbished. But the owners have resisted the temptation to try and recoup their considerable outlay within the first six months with high priced food and expensive drinks. Clearly the new Stirling Arms Hotel management is in it for the long haul, and I for one am delighted that it is so. I have eaten at newly revitalised Arms now several times over the last month or so and am in a reasonable position to

advise you about its charms. Firstly, from the point of view of visitor, not one staying in one of the nine newly refurbished suites or the three bedroom apartment, but someone who’s just dropped in for a pint and a pie, there are three options - inside in the general bar, with the vast TV screens, inside in the snug watching the pool players or outside in the large al fresco area. This last would not seem a good choice in winter, but there are umbrellas and heaters and if its not actually raining, it’s very pleasant. In addition there’s a Drive-Through Bottle Shop with a wide range of grog. One fronts up to the bar and orders both food and drink menus are scattered around outlining options as well as specials such as the Tuesday’s $15 Parmy, Chips and Salad, Wednesday’s $15 Steak Chips and salad; or Sunday’s $15 Roast. $15 goes a long way here. You take a table number and when it’s ready someone will bring it to your table - in a remarkably short space of time given how busy they were. The first time I came, in a group, and we had a few bowls of chips ($7) together with plates of Spicy Reggae Wings ($12) and Salt and Pepper Squid ($14.50). The first mouthful and I sat up and thought, as one does, ‘Hell-o, this is good stuff!’ We proceeded to make short work of the food and ordered more, washed down, in my case, with truly excellent pints of Hello Sunshine Cider (on tap). Bolstered with thoughts of the snacks the next visit I ordered a meal, one of the ‘Big Plates” - Slow Roasted Pork Belly with chips, served with a very nice jus and a crisp green salad ($27). Exceptional value for money and cooked to perfection, the pork tender and tasty almost beyond belief, the crackling going off with a muffled gunshot as you bite down on it. Absolutely delicious. The other offerings in the range are either beer-battered or grilled fish with chips ($23); 250g Char-grilled eye fillet ($39.50); 300g Char-grilled sirloin ($35.50); the Pie of the day ($21) or the simple classic Chicken Parmigiana ($24). I haven’t had the Chicken Parmy, but I have excellent reports of it. These are the extreme ends of the menu - a light snack or a full meal, but there are a great number of choices in between. There is a small range of pizzas - Sassy Seafood, Meat Almighty, Garden Gifts, Pigs Palace and Speakeasy (you will notice that a truly twisted mind named them - I admire that) These range in price from $19.50 for the vegetarian to $26.50 for the seafood, with most costing $22 for a descent size pizza. There’s a range of pasta too, with different styles and sauces - Fettuccine Puttanesca ($22); Prawn and Crab Tagliatelle ($29.50) or Tagliatelli with chicken and bacon ($22). For groups there are ‘Share Platters’. Either the Stirling Teaser with chorizo, hummus, pesto, meatballs, chicken wings of various kinds, vegetables, chips and Turkish bread ($39.50) or the ‘Vego Share Plate’ ($32.50) of Sweetcorn fritters, roast pumpkin, marinated mushrooms, pickled vegetables, hummus, feta cream, pesto, olives chips and more Turkish bread. If a burger takes your

fancy I can personally recommend the Stirling Wagyu Burger ($23) with its Wagyu beef patty, bacon, salad, pickled cucumber, fried onion, cheddar with aioli and tomato sauce in a Foccaccia bun, accompanied by those excellent Stirling chips. Or you might like a simple Steak Sandwich ($24) of a marinated steak fillet, bacon, caramelised onion, salad and mayonnaise between toasted sourdough slices. There is Kids Menu of $10 each for Ham and Pineapple Pizza or Penne Pasta in Napolitana Sauce or Chicken Nuggets and Chips or Fish and Chips. In the unlikely case you still have not eaten sufficient there is dessert ($11) - White Chocolate and Pistachio Brulée; Gourmet Sorbets; Blondies (Brownies made with white chocolate or Mango and Passionfruit cheesecake. We haven’t talked about the drinks, and I’m not going to - go along and have a browse yourself. Beers, Wines (red, white and sparkling) Spirits, Cocktails, Mocktails and liqueurs as well as a goodly range of beers and a cider on tap. The Stirling Arms Hotel has put together some innovative approaches - for example, the ‘Cellar Key’ Club - free to join at the Bottle Shop, benefits including $2.99 Pints of Swan Valley Lager, $6.50 House Spirits and $6 House Wines. They’ve also entered into an arrangement with the local theatre company, Garrick Theatre, offering a $20 drink and meal deal including parking on presentation of your theatre ticket. Billed as ‘The Home of the $2.99 Pint’ the Stirling Arms Hotel is very well worth a visit. Very Highly Recommended Indeed.

Slow-roasted pork belly and chips 25

REVIEWS Film: Director: Reviewer:

FILM shik) is recommended to take over the English coaching of a schoolgirl while the usual tutor is overseas. Problem: he has no qualifications. Solution: his sister can forge a degree certificate. Ki-woo arrives at the luxurious mansion of the Park family. After a successful interview with the (dumb and naive) mother, he is a hit with the daughter. Within a short time he has arranged for his sister to impersonate a painter and be hired to foster the son’s artistic talent. Very soon after that, the housekeeper and chauffeur are shown to be inadequate – to be replaced by Mum and Dad respectively. And so the Kim family – all pretending not to know each other – become parasites on the Park family. All is going well until the Parks go on a trip. This is a chance

Parasite Bong Joon-ho James Forte

Korean Domestic Trauma p until now, few Korean films have made it to Australian screens. (The Host, a 2006 black and white Godzilla-like monster movie is one of the few that I can remember.) That is until now. Parasite may or may not be a true representative of Korean style, but it is going to change the way we view black comedy. The film was written and directed by Bong Joon-ho. It has won a top award – the Palme d’Or at Cannes. It has had Hollywood producers thinking hard about how they can adapt this style for American audiences. It is darker than a black cat playing with a lump of coal in a deep cellar at midnight - after the power has been disconnected. Like the previous sentence, it is perhaps a tad overlong,

for the Kims to open some expensive wines and spirits. Then the original housekeeper returns to reveal her husband was also a parasite and is hiding in the underground bunker cum panicroom. And the Park family return early. And then things start to get a little complicated… There is a theme – “if you do not have a plan, then nothing can diverge from it and go wrong”. And so our two families bumble from one absurd (but hilarious) situation to another. Parasite is currently showing at Luna and Palace Cinemas. Fabulous fun, particularly recommended for students of film-making and anyone who wants to see where cinema is going. Recommended, four and a half stars. ~oOo~ British or European comedies would, I think, have ended with the situation about two thirds of the way through. Before all the violence really got started. The plot sounds simple. The Kim clan has hit hard times. They live in a basement in the slums of a big city. Unemployed, they get a small income from (badly) folding pizza boxes. Teenage son and daughter spend time hunting for a free WiFi signal. Then one day, the son, (Ki-woo played by Choi Woo-

Film: Director: Reviewer:

Never Look Away Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck James Forte

History through Art The central theme of this film is established in the first two minutes. A primary school boy has been taken to an art gallery by his Aunt Elisabeth in 1937. There, the politically correct guide contemptuously 26

dismisses modern art (Picasso, Mondrian, Kadinsky, Klee) as obscene, decadent and unworthy of German galleries. The repression of thinking for yourself is exposed as evil and his Aunt exhorts him to examine confrontational art and issues and Never Look Away. We move through 20th century German history from the establishment of National Socialism, through the stain of the concentration camps and the Second World War to the Communist occupation and escape to the west. This is done from an artist’s point of view. If all this sounds like very heavy going for an evening at the cinema – be assured it is not. It is a long film (three hours) but the time passes very swiftly. The screenplay and direction (both by Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck) are riveting. It is epic – it reminded me of David Lean’s Dr Zhivago. It has won a pile of prizes and was nominated for two Academy Awards - including best foreign film. And just perhaps you will emerge saying: “that truly was just awesome”. Young Kurt Barnert lives in eastern Germany. His Aunt is free-spirited and unconventional and does not conform to Nazi doctrine - with predictable results. From the safe distance of their small rural town, the family witnesses the obliteration of Dresden at the end of the war. Kurt (an outstanding portrayal by Tom Schilling) becomes an art student under the equally repressive Communist regime and falls in love with fellow student Ellie (Paula Beer). The bedding of Ellie provides one of the many humorous episodes to lighten the overall dark theme. For Ellie’s father is medical Professor Carl Seeband (Sebastian Koch) – a man with a dark secret

Never Look Away

associated with Kurt’s family. Finally there is the act of escape to the west (before the construction of the wall, it was possible to board a U-Bahn train in East Berlin and get off in West Berlin). The politics are paralleled by developments in art; Kurt’s life is based on the biography of the still-living artist Gerhard Richter. Always following his aunt’s encouragement to find his own artistic truth, Kurt’s life is intertwined with the history of modern Germany. Never Look Away opened at Luna Cinemas on June 20th. This is going to be high on the list of ‘must-sees’ for 2019. Recommended, four and a half stars. ~oOo~ Film: Director: Reviewer:

The Prado Museum Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck James Forte

A Wealth of Spanish Culture As noted in previous issues of the Swan Magazine, the Luna

Cinema chain is to be praised for screening high-definition films of exhibitions in the world’s great art galleries. The only thing better than these films is personally visiting the place – and even then you will not get the detailed and expert commentary. The Prado Museum is the latest such film: scripted and directed by Valeria Parisi. The Prado in Madrid can be compared to the Louvre, the Hermitage, the Uffizi, the Rijksmuseum, the Tate or New York’s Met. Its impact is unforgettable. The format is familiar: Jeremy Irons is our English tour guide giving us an overview of the building, history and collections. For particular eras or artists, the local experts explain the fine details. Built in 1785 the Prado building is huge and we get access to parts normally reserved for scholars. The collections go back to the fifteenth century as generation of Spanish kings brought notable artists to their courts and commissioned (mainly religious) works. Here you find some of the best by Bosch, Titian, Rubens and Caravaggio. My favourite is the extensive collection from El Greco. However the Prado is most famous for its Velázquez (Las Meninas is his masterpiece) and its 932 paintings by Goya. Concluded on page 60 ... 27

FICTION THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE OF SAMANTHA BLACK JAMES FORTE

Sam’s former neighbour, Agatha Ashcomb, had been at the home for eight years. Sadly her mental state was deteriorating and her thinking during the fortnightly visits had become vague. Sam glanced around the parking area but Nurse Pritchard’s car was not there. She was not on duty and that was a small blessing. The two had decided to dislike each other after a minor traffic bingle in town. They now communicated, when necessary, with cold formality. The dashboard clock showed a minute after eleven as she parked. Sam smiled - close enough. She wrote “11.00” in the visitors’ register and waved a hello to the receptionist. In her room, Agatha was asleep. Sam closed the door and moved a chair closer to the bed to sit and wait. The bed-sitting room was bright and air-conditioned cool. Summer sunlight poured through the window. The furniture was minimal. Apart from the bed, there was a coffee table and two chairs, a large chest of drawers, a television and a tall bookcase – mostly filled with decorated boxes and framed photographs. A telephone was on a small table next to a potted cactus and the television. There was a door in each of the four walls. One through which Sam had just entered from the corridor, one to the small kitchen and bathroom, one was a French-door to the outside gardens. She knew the latter would be locked with the security alarm set. Not that that mattered. She had never seen it open – it was rigid with rust and dust. The last door communicated with the next unit – where Agatha’s husband had lived until his heart attack four year’s earlier. Now next door was occupied by a lady who was currently away on a cruise with her grandchildren. Having nothing else to do, Sam checked that it was locked to maintain privacy. The maid had delivered a cup of tea and a biscuit just before she arrived. Now it sat there steaming its way from hot to cold. Sam sat and waited. The television was showing some cooking program and she changed the channel to the ABC. Outside she could hear handbells. Some of the residents practicing bell ringing? Then a lawnmower started up. Sam was just about to leave when Agatha’s phone rang. It was three ladies seeking a fourth for cards. Sam assured them that Agatha was fine but asleep. She waited a few more minutes, checked that the old lady’s breathing was regular and then concluded that she might as well get on with the day’s work. It was ten past eleven when she signed out of the building. ~o0o~

THE SOCIAL media entry went straight to the point: am I going mad? at lunchtime a duplicate of my car came from nowhere EXACT COPY same make model year colour same scratch on the bonnet SAME FRIGGIN NUMBER PLATES driven by a woman who looked like me in 10 years checked my car - still where I left it OMG - my car has an identical twin! maybe it dropped out of a parallel universe maybe a future me has jumped back in time what should I do? Underneath were the usual replies about how good last night’s party must have been. Also the name of a local psychiatrist. The item rippled through the social media pool and a copy washed up on the page of Celine Davies. Even with over a million inhabitants, Perth is a small, pleasant town. Its social networks are well connected. The short, slim maths student, with the blonde ponytail, loved impossible puzzles. She sat on her bed and contemplated the item on her iPad. It had been posted by a Jennifer Watson. A quick check revealed she was an office worker at an engineering company in West Perth. Presumably reliable. Eventually Celine decided that it was probably a prank. Parallel universes and time travel were the stuff of science fiction. Then she went off to a tutorial on graph-theory and thought no more about it. ~o0o~

The following day, Samantha Black was also contemplating time travel - as she drove into the Evening View retirement home in Toodyay. For the residents here, time was not measured by clocks or calendars but by visits from friends and relatives, by meals and cups of tea. Perhaps by television programs or sessions with the occupational therapist. Evening View was a large single-story brick building with views to the west and to the north, where the Avon River cut its rugged way down to the coastal plain. The gardens were extensive and laid out with hedges, gardens and paths. The latter went in all directions to provide novelty for those with poor memories but sufficient mobility.

At seven that evening, Sam was washing her dinner plate when there was a knock on the door. It was a tall, gaunt, ratherseedy, middle-aged man backed up by two large characters in police uniforms. He announced himself as Detective Inspector Baird and asked her name. That was just a formality. His face showed that he knew exactly who she was. He stated that he was investigating the death of Mrs Agatha Ashcomb and would like her to assist him with his enquiries. Sam went into shock but assured them she would help wherever possible. Then a policewoman took her arm and firmly 28

ushered her towards a car with flashing lights. People had come out, of what used to be Agatha’s place, to watch. Other police officers entered her house to start a search. Sam spent the next three hours in a daze. The car drove her to Northam police station. She was told that she was not under arrest. Yet. She was cautioned and then told that her friend had died at around five past eleven that morning. Impossible though that was. Would she like a lawyer? Of course she would. She knew of a small legal group in Northam and half an hour later a solicitor turned up. He had a law student trailing along behind him. The student looked happy at being given a break from filing. The solicitor was a Mr Hugh Fletcher. He gave Sam his card. He introduced the student as Miss Janet Gosport. In the interview room, Baird was accompanied by a sergeant named Selby. There was a feeling that this should not take long. Fletcher asked for details of any charges. The sergeant explained that Agatha Ashcomb was asphyxiated, by being smothered with a pillow, at four minutes past eleven that morning. Fletcher asked about the evidence. Baird looked up. “We can save time if I just show you two videos.” He opened up a laptop computer. “The first is from the security camera of the corridor outside Mrs Ashcomb’s room. You will note the time and date stamp in the top right corner. The film showed the length of the corridor. At one minute to eleven the maid took a cup of tea into the room. Nothing else moved until just after eleven when Sam entered and closed the door. “Is that you, Ms Black?” Baird asked. Fletcher answered for her. “That is a person who looks like my client.” Baird shrugged and kept the film going. At ten past eleven the door opened and a woman left, heading for the office to sign out. Baird did not even bother asking for an identification this time. It was unmistakably Sam. He speeded up the video of fifteen minutes of empty corridor. The maid appeared to clear away the tea things. There was a muffled scream and then she appeared in the doorway calling for help. “A doctor was visiting the home. She attended immediately. Mrs Ashcomb was found to be deceased. Judging by body temperature, she’d been dead for about fifteen minutes.” Sam spoke for the first time. “You just said it was exactly four past eleven.” “Hold on a second. We were called straight away. We searched the lady’s room. There was a small camera hidden on a bookshelf. Mr Derek Ashcomb has since confirmed that he installed it. It was in case of any abuse of his mother by the staff. Would you like to comment on what should be on the recording?” Fletcher was about to comment when Sam over-ruled him. “I’m happy to tell you. I waited for ten minutes. She was sleeping the whole time. She was very much alive when I left. I checked for regular breathing.” “Did you hear any noises? Did anything happen?” “The TV was on. I changed channels. There was some bell ringing outside. And a lawnmower.” “Anything else?” Baird persisted. “There was a phone call. Her friends wanted to play cards. I told them she was asleep.” “Thank you. Let me play you the film from the hidden camera. Please note the time shown on the bedside clock.” The camera had been set up in an awkward position on the top shelf of the bookcase. It did not cover the entry door or the whole of the bed. It showed sunlight coming in the window and French-door, the bedside table with a digital clock-radio and Agatha’s head on the pillow. It did not show the TV screen but the

sound was clear. It was of a cooking show. There was the sound of the door opening and a maid put a cup of tea and a biscuit on the table. A couple of minutes later, the door opened and closed again and there was the sound of a chair being moved and someone off-camera sitting down. The clock showed two minutes after eleven. From outside came the sounds of bell ringing. At four past eleven, a pair of gloved hands pulled the pillow out from under Agatha’s head and pressed it down on her face. There was a little feeble struggling before the body lay still but the hands continued to hold the pillow down. Sam sat staring at the computer screen. “That’s all wrong. It’s a fake.” “Keep watching.” The sound from the TV changed to the ABC and a gloved hand could be seen putting the remote down. A lawnmower started up. The telephone rang. Sam gasped. It was undeniably her voice, using her exact words, to assure the caller that Agatha was fine but asleep. That they should go ahead with their card game without her. After another minute there were the sounds of the killer leaving the room. Baird broke the stunned silence. “We have checked with the card players. They confirm the call. There was a bell-ringing practice at the home this morning. The lawn-mower was as scheduled. The TV programme is exactly what was showing at that time this morning. The time of your entering and leaving the room matches exactly the CCTV footage of the corridor. Miss Black, the person in that video is you.” It was an open and shut case. Sam had been filmed killing her friend. “Why did you do it?” “My client and I must consult. Then she may make a statement.” Fletcher was firm. Sam was formally placed under arrest. Baird and the sergeant left the room. Sam was sobbing. Janet Gosport tried to reassure her and finally she pulled herself together. “This is crazy. It’s like two parallel worlds. In one, I’m in the room and Agatha is alive. In the other, someone - with my voice - has exactly the same things happening but Agatha is dead. Exactly the same. The bells… the telephone… everything… it’s the same.” Fletcher said quietly: “Don’t do anything tonight. Sleep on it. We’ll be here tomorrow morning and help you make a statement.” The lawyers departed. There was no point trying to arrange bail. Sam was taken to the cells. ~o0o~ As was to be expected, Sam did not sleep well. Her thoughts on twenty years of prison food were confirmed by breakfast which was a featureless omelette. Fletcher and Gosport turned up before nine – looking gloomy. The firm of Fletcher and Fletcher had also acted for the Ashcomb family and knew the contents of Agatha’s will. There was a sizeable bequest to Sam, as a close friend who had been visiting her once a fortnight for many years. This was not good news. It meant that Sam would have benefited from the death. A motive had been established. Mr Hugh Fletcher advised her to seriously consider admitting guilt and cooperating with the police. They would do everything they could to mitigate the sentence. Later that morning she was brought before a magistrate. She was not required to enter a plea. The case against her was quickly summarized. Mrs Agatha Ashcomb was known to be alive just before eleven and found dead by a maid twenty-five minutes later. She was pronounced deceased by a doctor at eleven-thirty. A corridor surveillance camera showed that Ms Samantha 29

Black was the only person to have entered the bedroom in that interval. A film inside the room showed the visitor smothering Mrs Ashcomb. The voice of the visitor was admitted to be that of Ms Black. Bail was refused. Sam was remanded to Bandyup prison. She climbed into the back of the police van in despair. Also despairing was Janet Gosport. The confusion of Sam had appeared so genuine. She had innocently supplied all the details of her visit to Evening View – and all had cemented her guilt. Why would a murderer sign in, be recorded entering the room, kill someone and then sign out again – under their real name? Her arrest was inevitable. Yet she seemed to be an intelligent and rational person. Pleading insanity was clearly not going to work. At Duckmanton College, Janet had been as close a friend as any to the rather solitary Celine Davies. They had both gone on to the University of Western Australia, Celine to study maths, Janet law. From time to time they had a coffee together in the library café. Celine was fascinated by impossible puzzles. Janet thought it was time to call her. Over the phone, Celine admitted that she had not heard anything about the Ashcomb death. She expressed polite interest until Janet used the phrase ‘parallel universes’. “What d’you mean?” Celine asked. “It was as if there were two parallel universes operating in that bedroom. Practically everything was the same. In the real one, the lady was dead when Sam left. But in the other, the one Sam experienced, she was alive. It’s impossible.” “You’re the second person this week to see parallel universes.” Celine tried to remember the other time. Of course! The girl with the duplicate car. “What was the victim’s name again?” “Agatha Ashcomb. It was on the news this morning.” Janet said. “Where are you? We have to talk.” “I’m in Northam. Getting some work experience with Fletcher and Fletcher. I’ll be home in York this weekend.” “I’m going to Beverley, Saturday. Jacaranda Tearoom? Ninethirty?” ~o0o~

sideways at Janet for a second and then continued with “I remember you. You were at Duckmanton. Before those terrible shootings. And now you are working on a new mystery?” “Oui.” “Then I shall leave you to your discussions.” Janet sat down and started nibbling on a Celine. She explained the whole story as she knew it. Celine was particularly interested in the doors. “Only the maid and Sam Black entered any of the rooms on that corridor. The French-doors to the gardens are all locked. They have alarms which are monitored in the office. None of the outside doors in that wing were opened. Inspector Baird checked.” “The connecting door to the next unit?” “The maid swears it was locked after she finished cleaning, first thing. She has a staff key. But it was locked - and bolted.” Janet paused. “The kitchen-bathroom door was open – Sam looked in – but they were empty.” “Hmmm.” Celine was skeptical. Janet shrugged. “Even Sam agrees - she was the only possible person in that room, at that time.” “D’you ever see Sam’s face on the video?” “No. But that’s her voice. She admits it.” “So the killer knew about the hidden camera and kept out of view?” “Yeees.” Janet was tentative. “Sam says she didn’t know about it. But it was found by the cleaners soon after Mrs Ashcomb’s son put it there. It was common knowledge. Everyone knew the room was bugged.” “So.” Celine murmured. “Baird was meant to find it. If he hadn’t, someone would have told him.” Janet reached into her purse and pulled out a USB thumb drive. “I’m not sure if I’m allowed to do this. As Sam’s lawyers, the police gave us a copy of the two videos. I made a copy for you. Don’t tell anyone.” Celine finished her tea. “This is an excellent puzzle. I want in. Could you call the cops at Northam and tell them I’m acting as a consultant, pro bono, to Miss Black?” Janet went white. “I can’t do that. I’m only work experience. I

The Jacaranda Tearoom is one of the foremost institutions of the Avon Valley. Just up from the river, the two old Jacaranda trees provide clouds (and a floor) of purple in November and green shade for the rest of the year. Celine was met by the chef, who expressed his Gallic nature with a formal kiss on each cheek. That gesture transformed into an informal bear hug. Celine was small; she completely disappeared into the folds of his white jacket and apron. She fought her way free. “I made a batch of Celines this morning.” There was a click of his fingers and as she was ushered to a table, a plate bearing half a dozen of the delicacies named in her honour appeared before her. “A pot of tea, Mam’selle?” She nodded. “For two.” At that moment, Janet entered and saw her. “Deux mam’selles.” He looked

The Jacaranda Tearoom 30

don’t have authority…” Celine smiled. “That’s okay. I know the Inspector.” Janet was leaving as Douglas Cromarty and Jessica Smith, of The Avon Messenger, arrived for their morning tea. Celine offered them the last of the cakes. Jessica took one look at Celine’s face and asked: “What are you up to?” “What can you tell me about the death of Mrs Agatha Ashcomb?” Douglas queried. “I covered the hearing. Straightforward. Baird caught the killer the same day. Someone called Samantha Black. She’s in Bandyup. What can you tell me?” Celine shook her head. “Not much. But it most definitely is not straightforward. I might have a story for you.” Jessica leaned forward. “The old lady’s son is a bit shifty. I heard he’s in trouble on a couple of projects.” “What does he do?” “Runs an engineering company. In Perth.” Thanks. Let’s stay in touch. Gotta run.” Celine grabbed her bag and headed for the door. Somehow she forgot to leave any money for the bill. Douglas sighed. And paid. ~o0o~ Celine crossed Beverley off her list of destinations for that day. Her battered old Peugeot headed for Northam. Baird was off for the weekend but Sergeant Selby knew her. He agreed that the police had finished at Evening View and called the home to say she was coming. She pushed the car hard and arrived before eleven. The car-park was full. She would have been able to squeeze in except that a red Alfa had been badly parked diagonally across two bays. With a sigh, Celine drove down the hill to the overflow car-park and then walked back in the forty-degree heat. Natasha Pritchard was the registered nurse on duty. Celine briefly complained about people learning to park properly, but she was ignored. The nurse stayed close while Celine looked around. The hiding place of the camera was pointed out. Celine stood in the centre with her phone and photographed the whole room for future reference. She was allowed to glance into the adjoining room - which was presently kept locked while the occupant was away. The connecting door was bolted on both sides. It could only be opened if the people in both rooms co-operated. The security alarms on the French-doors were explained and Celine was taken to see the control panel in the office. Individual doors could have their alarms disabled but the receptionist had been on duty the day of the murder. She was adamant that nobody had been near the switches before ‘the incident’. Just to be sure, the police had tested the alarm. It worked perfectly. The nurse clearly did not like Sam. She commented on a collision between their cars some weeks earlier. Presumably being a poor driver naturally led to being a killer of old ladies. On the other hand, the receptionist could not believe Sam had done it. She was described as a lady who had been visiting Agatha Ashcomb for many years and was always pleasant and cheerful. The sort of positive, happy visitor they encouraged at Evening View. The nurse who had been on duty at the time of the murder was not available. But Celine was able to get the maid away from Pritchard. She took her for a walk in the gardens. However the maid had little to add. The victim was alive at eleven when she took in the tea and biscuit and was dead at eleven-thirty when she went to collect the cup. “Did you notice anything strange? Anything at all?” “No. The room was clean and tidy. Everything was normal. I

told the police.” “Did Mrs Ashcomb often sleep in the morning?” “No. Never. That was strange. And she looked forward to visitors.” “And the doors were all as they should be?” Celine asked. “The men who look after the bodies… They took Mrs Ashcomb out through the French door. So it doesn’t upset the other people here. We had a lot of trouble getting it open. Rusty hinges. Hadn’t been opened in months.” “Can you think of any way, anyway at all, someone could have got in, or hidden in there? In that half an hour.” The maid was quite certain. “Only Sam Black. I saw her. And she was on the security TV too.” ~o0o~ Celine drove back to Perth along the Toodyay road. She realized that with only a small detour she could call at Bandyup. She also realized that she knew nothing at all about the protocols of visiting a prisoner on remand. She rang the prison. No, she couldn’t call in anytime she felt like it. Yes, she could make an appointment to see Ms Samantha Black. Tomorrow, Sunday - providing the prisoner was agreeable. Celine left her name, address, phone number and the message that she was a friend of Janet Gosport of Fletcher and Fletcher. Back at college, she watched the two videos several times. She made and revised notes about the timing. Of one thing she was certain. She did not believe in parallel universes. If there were two sets of events in the same location and they did not happen in parallel then they must have been sequential. Celine assumed the police would have tested the videos for tampering – but she scrutinized them closely anyway. She paid particular attention to anything that indicated the timing. The digital bedside clock was accurate. When a gloved hand picked up the remote, the TV channel had changed. The police said they had checked that the programmes were absolutely correct for those times. The phone call agreed with the time given by the card players. Logically, how else could she measure the passage of time? Of course! The tea. She made herself a cup of tea and placed it next to the computer. She started the film again watching the steam rising from the two cups of tea. This was, of course, pathetic science. It depended on the starting temperature of the tea and on the ambient conditions in the room. Nevertheless, there was little difference between the moments when she could no longer detect any steam rising. Both films covered the maid and Sam entering and leaving the room. Annoyingly, the footage from inside the room stopped after Sam left and before the maid re-entered to collect the dirty cup. 31

Celine called Janet who explained that the police had checked the camera. The batteries were dead. They had lasted just long enough to record the murder. Lucky, eh? Then Celine had an idea. She went over to the maths lab and took over two computers side by side. She played the two films, one of the corridor, one of Agatha’s room, simultaneously. The two agreed on the time Sam had entered the room. She continued watching. And as she expected they agreed to the second on the time Sam left. Celine thought about the other event from ‘parallel universes’. She sent off an e-mail to Jennifer Watson requesting more details of her seeing her car in duplicate. It looked like Sam Black was guilty – but Celine had niggling little doubts. The killer avoiding being on camera - as if he or she knew where it was - but not bothering to cover up the lens. The coincidence of the batteries lasting just long enough. She went to bed frustrated. She was running out of ideas. ~o0o~

never been to a prison before. Surrendering her beloved iPad and mobile phone was one thing. Being thoroughly searched for drugs, alcohol, electronics or other contraband was quite another. She was shown to a room in the remand section. Sam arrived a few minutes later. The two became instant friends. Sam realized that at last she was in contact with someone who didn’t just sound hopeful, but was actually working to discover the truth. To Celine, Sam was smart. Smart enough to find ways of killing old ladies without getting caught. Janet was right. Sam simply did not look like a murderer. Celine asked Sam to go through the whole story. There was only one thing that was unusual. The fact that Agatha Ashcomb was asleep that morning. Sam confirmed that there was no one else in the unit. That the French door and connecting door were locked. The window was closed. She had not known about the hidden camera and had walked about the unit. Her face should have appeared in the film. And she had not worn gloves. Sam confessed a suspicion of being a beneficiary in Agatha’s will. But she was quite comfortably off financially, as her landscape gardening business had been doing well. Celine pointed out that if she was found guilty, she would get nothing from the will. It would go to the son, Derek Ashcomb. The man who had installed the hidden camera. Sam had already thought of this. So had the police. Inspector Baird had checked and found that Derek had been in business meetings, with a government department in Perth, on the morning of the death. He had been found by Perth police and had headed to Toodyay eating a sandwich lunch as he drove. Celine asked if Agatha had any enemies at Evening View.

Sunday breakfasts in university colleges are informal affairs. Celine dawdled over her toast and Vegemite - making a list of things to ask Sam Black. She phoned Janet to give her a report on the lack of progress. Then she called Jessica Smith of The Avon Messenger. Jessica was intrigued but clearly thought it an open and shut case. They promised to keep each other informed. She was not surprised when she received a call from Baird. “What’s going on?” He sounded threatening. “And good morning to you Inspector”, she said sweetly.” I thought you were off for the weekend?” “What are you doing with the Ashcomb case?” “It’s like there are parallel universes. One in which she dies. One in which she lives. Like Schrödinger’s cat. The two progressing in synchronicity…” “What?” “Going on at the same time. Except they can’t be. I don’t believe in parallel universes.” “So?” he demanded. “I don’t know…” He came back sounding pleased. “Can you repeat that?” She meekly complied. “I don’t know. The only solution is that Sam Black killed Agatha Ashcomb.” “You mean I’ve got it right for once?” He laughed as he rang off. Celine sat sipping her coffee for a few minutes. If the two universes were not exactly parallel then one had to be out by some time interval. And she had just realized how she could test it. Once and for all. She rang Evening View and was pleased to get the same receptionist as yesterday. She asked for a favour. Had the window been opened on the day of the murder? The reply was definitely not – the air-conditioning had been on. Would it be possible to take a photograph of the wall near the head of the bed at exactly eleven this morning and email it to Celine? Certainly. And could she also include the roster of staff who had been at work in the twenty-four hours previous to the murder? Right away. ~o0o~

No. She had been there eight years. Her husband had died four years ago of a heart attack – in the adjoining room. Now she was showing signs of dementia. She did not always recognize Sam during visits. But she had loads of friends, with whom she played light-hearted card games. “Is there anyone who might want to frame you for murder?” Sam thought a moment. “Everyone at Evening View is so friendly. I don’t have any enemies. At least none that are killers.” She hesitated. “Not even Natasha Pritchard.” The nurse? I’ve met her. Don’t think she liked me much either,” Celine confirmed. “We had a minor traffic accident, in Toodyay, ages ago. Since then we’ve been very formal. You know. How we talk to people we don’t like.” Celine nodded. “I complained to her about some idiot who couldn’t park their car properly. Started off with a negative vibe. No wonder she didn’t like me.” Sam laughed. “I have a bad habit. Whenever I go to the home, I look around the car park. If I don’t see her car, I feel much happier.” “And did you?” “Of course. And no, Natasha was not there. Someone said

The Sunday drive out to Bandyup women’s prison - joining the flow of cars heading for the Swan Valley vineyards and restaurants - was pleasant. The reception less so. Celine had 32

she’d gone to Perth for the day.” They sat for a minute trying to think of anything else that might throw light on the mystery. Then Celine promised to visit again next weekend and said goodbye. She picked up her phone and iPad and sat in the prison car-park for ten minutes making notes. The only solution seemed to be that Sam suffocated Agatha Ashcomb and was particularly accomplished in lying. Everything depended on her one final test. ~o0o~ Back at the college, an e-mail from the Evening View receptionist appeared. There was a list of the staff on duty for the day of the murder. Natasha Pritchard had been the registered nurse on duty the previous night. She had signed off at 9.30am. And then gone off to Perth, if Sam was to be believed. There was also the requested photograph - of the wall in the Ashcomb unit at 11.00 that morning. Celine found the photos she had taken of the unit the previous day. Working backwards she plotted the position of shadows on the wall. Of course, the sun moved in a curved path and she was approximating it with a straight line and then extrapolating backwards - but it gave her a reasonable answer. She then started the much longer calculations with spherical trigonometry to find the exact position. After an hour, with several mistakes and recalculations, she arrived at a position close to the previous answer but with a much smaller margin of error. She could feel an accelerated heart beat as she watched the hidden camera footage. She stopped it at the 11.00am mark and examined the shadow carefully. There was no doubt about it. It was in exactly the right position. That film had been made while Sam was in the room. Sam had been lying. She had known about an avoided the camera. She had worn gloves. She had answered the phone call of the card players. She had asphyxiated Agatha Ashcomb. She sent off messages to Janet, Jessica and Inspector Baird. Formally, as she had been taught to do as a scientist, she objectively reported her research and her conclusions. She had found no evidence to suggest that Sam was innocent and plenty to show she was guilty. Almost immediately, two e-mails arrived. The first was ironic. It was from Baird. It simply said “Thanks. We must work together like this more often.” It was followed by two exclamation marks and three smiley faces. The second was from Jennifer Watson supplying the requested details. Her car was a 2018 Alfa Romeo Giulietta. Red. With a deep scratch across the bonnet. It was a company car from her employer, Ashcomb Engineering of West Perth. The name stood out - as if in crimson 72-point italic bold underlined. A quick check revealed that the company was run by a Mr Derek Ashcomb, who had been educated at Toodyay High School. But there was something else. The badly parked car occupying two bays, at Evening View yesterday - when Celine had visited. It had been a red Alfa with a badly scratched bonnet. What had Jennifer been doing there? Celine collapsed on her bed in a state of shock. And slowly the mists started to clear and she realized how she had been fooled. She started to jot down how she would have carried out what must be close to a perfect crime. ~o0o~ Celine missed her Monday lectures. She spent some more time in the maths lab, with two computers again running the films side by side. When she compared the time interval from when the maid left the room to when Sam entered, there was a two second discrepancy. It wasn’t much – but it was enough. Then she phoned Inspector Baird. He was still feeling

considerably chuffed at having Celine eat humble pie. She had two questions for him. Politely and diplomatically she asked him to check if Nurse Natasha Pritchard of Toodyay was caught speeding somewhere in Perth at the time of the murder. Baird promised to check. Then she asked if the TV remote in Mrs Ashcomb’s unit was checked for finger prints? This Baird could answer immediately. The answer was ‘Yes’. Were Sam Black’s prints on it? Again ‘Yes’. “But wasn’t the person with the remote in the film wearing gloves?” There was a pause. “I’m sorry, Inspector. I got it wrong. Samantha Black is innocent. And I can prove it.” As Baird rang off, she could hear the expletives of his frustration. Finally, she sent off messages - to Samantha Black at Bandyup and to Janet Gosport and Hugh Fletcher in Northam stating she was certain that Derek Ashcomb had killed his mother. Almost immediately there was a reply from Janet. She and Hugh were in York on other business. Could they see her this afternoon? All expenses and a reasonable fee would be paid by Fletcher and Fletcher for her assistance. Would the Jacaranda Tearoom be convenient? Three o-clock? Celine sent back ‘Yes’. And then a phone call from Baird. An Alfa-Romeo Guilietta belonging to Natasha Pritchard had been photographed by a multanova on the Polly Farmer freeway in Perth. It had been doing 105 kph in an 80 kph zone at 11.10am on the day of the murder. “So who did it?” he asked. “ Agatha’s son, Derek. And someone in a red Alfa,” Celine replied. She offered to see him in York that afternoon. To make him feel a little better, she added a qualifier: “I was lucky.” ~o0o~ Celine was not surprised to find Inspector Baird and Sergeant Selby in the tearoom when she arrived. The greetings were a little chilly. A waitress hovered. Celine consulted the menu. With tea and cakes on the way, the small girl looked up at the tall policemen and blurted out her belief. “I can prove Sam Black did not kill Agatha Ashcomb.” Before she could elaborate, Hugh and Janet from Fletcher and Fletcher walked in. Hugh rapidly informed the detectives that Celine was on a retainer and that anything she said was for the lawyers’ ears only. Baird’s face went several interesting colours. He looked as if he were about to pick Hugh up and then snap him like a stick over his knee. Celine nervously moved her chair back. She gave an appealing look at Hugh. She had no idea of the etiquette of briefing both the police and defense lawyers simultaneously. Janet appeared to also be confused - but looking forward to an advanced lesson in legal ethics. Hugh relented and invited the police to join them. “As far as I can see, we’re on the same side. We want Ms Black freed. That means Derek Ashcomb arrested. Normally we would be representing the Ashcomb family, but Ms Black takes precedence. Now Ms Davies… If you can explain…” Celine started her analysis of the crime. It was a mixture of known facts and conjecture – but within a few minutes Hugh was convinced. He believed he could have his client out on bail within twenty-four hours and all charges withdrawn within fortyeight. First they discussed motive. Hugh confirmed that Derek was short of funds. It was known he had been distressed by his mother leaving her money to Sam. By the time he became aware of the situation Agatha was clearly suffering from dementia and it was 33

going to be difficult to get the will changed. Celine painted a possible scenario. On one of his visits to Evening View, Derek had become aware that Nurse Natasha Pritchard believed in euthanasia for demented patients. Further Natasha hated Sam Black. If Sam was shown to have killed Agatha then she could not benefit from the will and all the funds would pass to Derek. Celine licked her sticky fingers from scoffing a piece of lemon meringue. “Derek’s an engineer. If he was going to murder his mother then there must be overwhelming evidence for his innocence and Sam’s guilt. He would want quadruple redundancy - as protection for his actions. “What d’you mean?” Celine became deadly serious. “Derek wanted four independent stories – each of which proved beyond doubt that Sam did it and that it was absolutely impossible that he or his accomplice could have done it. He set up his own universe where he killed his mother and a parallel universe where Sam appeared to kill her. It was a beautiful piece of engineering.” She ticked off the items on her fingers as she wiped them clean. “First, the time of death was just after eleven. Confirmed beyond doubt by the maid and the doctor. Sam had signed in and she admits that she was there at that time. The only person there at that time. She had opportunity and motive.” “Second, two reliable and independent cameras recorded Sam being in Agatha’s room at the time of the smothering. One filmed the actual killing. Each had the time embedded in the recording and they agreed precisely.” “Third, at the time of the murder, Derek was in a meeting with senior public servants and Nurse Pritchard was caught speeding on a freeway. Both in Perth.” “Fourth, should either of them be caught and brought to trial, they would get an expert witness, probably an astronomer, to certify that the sun’s shadow was exactly where it should have been. For the time on the clock and the programme on the television. For when Sam smothered Agatha. There was no way that the time had been tampered with. Short of the earth’s rotation slowing down or speeding up.” Celine smiled. “And then he got a lucky bonus. A fifth factor. Agatha’s friends called with the invitation to the card game. The camera didn’t just record the presence of someone who could only be Sam – it recorded her voice too.” “Everyone was fooled. I was fooled. Even the police. It had to be Sam.” “So what evidence do you have? That I can use to arrest him?” Baird asked. Celine took a deep breath. “We had parallel universes. In one, the real one, Agatha Ashcomb was smothered to death. In the other, experienced by Sam Black, the lady was alive and well. A total impossibility. Perhaps there were two identical rooms – one with a dead Agatha and the other with a lookalike who was visited by Sam and continued breathing. Baird gave his opinion. “Garbage!” “Agreed. Derek had to set up both universes in the same room. And if they cannot be parallel, then they must be sequential. That is one happened after the other. We know, in the first, that Sam left Agatha alive. Then in the second, she was killed. Ten minutes later, the maid found her.” Janet could not remain silent. “That isn’t possible. All the things - television, bell ringing, phone calls happened at the same time.” “That is where Derek was so clever. There were seven things… in mathematics we would call them temporal variables… that had to be controlled. These were: One – the time stamp on the CCTV camera – this was the only

one which ran true. Two – the bedside clock which gave the time on the hidden camera. Three – the programme on the television, complete with switching of channels. Four – the external sounds like bell ringing and lawnmowing. Five – the phone call from the card players. Six – believe it or not, the steam rising from the cup of tea. Seven – incredibly… the position of the sun.” “All had to be shifted by ten minutes or so,” Hugh noted. “But there was no time for digital manipulation of the recording.” “Correct. There had to be a jump over Sam’s visit and then a recreation of everything ten minutes later when they killed Agatha. Inspector. If you run the two camera recordings at the same time…” “I’ve already done that,” Baird asserted, rather defensively. “They agree to the times, when Sam Black entered and left, exactly.” “Agreed. But if you check the times when the maid left and Sam arrived you will find a two second difference. Not much. Not normally noticeable. But that is your primary piece of evidence.” “Second. With the hidden camera there is a small jump in the cloud of steam about one minute after the maid leaves. There is a small change, an irregularity, in Agatha’s breathing. Someone used a remote to pause the camera - and then restart it! When there was no one in the room, apart from a sleeping lady! I only spotted it because I was looking for it. You have to look really hard.” “There was no need to shift the time back afterwards. The camera was stopped as if the batteries had run out. Batteries dying exactly then… just too much of a coincidence.” “Whoever killed Agatha was wearing gloves but Sam’s fingerprints were on the TV remote. That is another piece of evidence.” “The murderers had a huge advantage. They could afford to wait until conditions were perfect for pinning the crime on Sam. If there was some hiccup, they would wait a fortnight until Sam’s next visit and then try again.” “The fourth piece of evidence is based on the cars.” Celine grinned. It was gratifying to have their total attention. “I may have a few minor details wrong but this is how I think it was done.” “Two months ago, Derek Ashcomb bought two new red Alfas. They were identical - with number plates just one integer different. One he gave, as a company car, to Jennifer Watson, his personal assistant. The other was registered to Natasha Pritchard. When one received a bad scratch across the bonnet, he ensured that the other gained a similar scratch.” “The day before Sam’s visit, Natasha drove down to Perth and her rear number plate was swapped for Jennifer’s front plate. It was Natasha that Jennifer saw driving away from Ashcomb Engineering in what looked like her car with her registration on the rear.” “The next morning Derek’s wife borrowed Jennifer’s car and 34

just after eleven sped through a known multanova speed trap. She was probably wearing a wig in Natasha’s hair colour. Great alibi, should it ever be needed. Natasha would now get a speeding ticked showing she was in Perth at the time of the murder. Later that day, Natasha would come down to Perth to swap the plates back again. Or maybe they did it some other way when Derek went up to Toodyay to see the body of his mother.” “Neat,” from Sergeant Selby. “Derek had also insisted in installing a hidden camera in his mother’s room to guard against any abuse by staff members.” “Natasha was the nurse on duty on the Monday night before Sam’s visit. Getting onto a night roster is easy. No one wants to do it. During the night, she went into the office and switched off the French-door security alarm - for the room next to Agatha’s. Before going off duty she unbolted the connecting door and gave Agatha a strong sleeping pill with her medication.” “Around nine that morning she told people she was off to Perth for the day. Drove out in her distinctive car. Hid it somewhere near – maybe under a tarpaulin in the overflow carpark. And walked back through the gardens. She wasn’t spotted – but if she had been, she was in uniform. It would have been easy to make some excuse and abandon the murder plot for that day.” “She watched for Sam to arrive. The maid had delivered the tea and gone. Out of view of the camera, she used her staff key to open the connecting door between the two apartments. Agatha was asleep. She paused the camera and set up her own sound recorder. She marked the position of the window’s shadow on the wall. Then back to the next room, locking the door as she went.” Celine stopped to ask the waitress for more tea. Baird and Fletcher both grunted their impatience. Selby and Janet were too busy taking notes. “After Sam had gone, Natasha returned. She’d a list of tasks she’d practiced. We have to remember - the camera had been pointed at Agatha’s head. It also showed the tea, the clock on the bedside table and the shadows on the nearby wall.” “Natasha stopped and rewound the sound recording. She locked the corridor door to make sure she wasn’t interrupted. Probably used a straw to suck the cold tea - without moving the teacup - and replaced it with hot from a thermos. Turned the TV sound off. Puts the bedside clock back – about ten minutes – to the time when she paused the camera.” “She couldn’t move the window frame so she used some cardboard and sticky tape to fix the sun’s shadow at the mark she had made.” Celine paused. “That was an act of genius. I spent hours calculating the sun’s position. It was so easy for her to get it exactly right. It convinced me the time of the recording was genuine. I was certain Sam was guilty.” She looked at Hugh. “I think it would have convinced a jury too.” Inspector Baird was honest. “We never thought to check the shadow. But it would have convinced us.” Celine continued. “Natasha switched on the sound recording she’d made. Then she restarted the camera recording. There was the sound of Sam entering. The bells and lawn mowing sounded at just the right time. When Natasha heard the TV channel being changed her gloved hand appeared putting the remote down. In between she picked up the pillow and smothered Agatha.” “And the lucky break. There is the recording of Sam answering the telephone. Her voice. Her exact words. It doesn’t get any better than that. When Sam heard it later, she thought she was going mad.” “Finally, there is the sound of Sam leaving. You can’t see the door. But the sounds agreed exactly - with the CCTV recording in the corridor. We all checked.” “Now all the killer had to do was tidy up. She stops the

camera and changes its good batteries for expired ones. The camera is no longer functioning. It cannot show any time jumps. She resets the bedside clock-radio to the correct time. She turns the volume on the TV back to normal. She removes the cardboard from the window. She unlocks the corridor door.” “Then back into the next room – locking and bolting the adjoining door behind her. Out through the French door into the gardens.” “Maybe five minutes later, the maid comes in to collect the teacup. Finds Agatha dead, screams for help. During all the consternation, the office is unattended. Natasha pops in to reset the alarm for the outside door of the next unit. Retrieves car, goes home.” “We all know the rest.” There was a brief silence. Janet gave Celine a huge grin and a fist-bump. Finally, Hugh smiled his thanks. “We’ve all got work to do. I will be starting release proceedings.” He looked at Baird. “I’m assuming there’ll be no opposition from the police?” Baird nodded. “Give us an hour to arrest Nurse Pritchard. And Ashcomb. Maybe his wife too.” Celine had been eyeing off the last remaining tart and made a grab for it. “Can I tell Douglas and Jessica at the Messenger?” “No!” Baird scowled. “Well maybe,” disagreed Hugh. “We owe you. The news must be embargoed until the police make a statement. But they could start writing their stories. I’ll arrange a fee for your services. And we might want you as an expert witness.” He signed to the waitress for the bill. “Janet tells me you never have any money.” After they had all gone, Celine pulled out her phone and called the newspaper office. “Douglas. I’ve a great story for you. Tell you over dinner. You will buy me dinner? I’m starving.” The End

REVIEWS Production: Producer: Reviewer:

lighting and décor; well done, how often do we have black void instead? The top-quality properties were supplied by Marion West. Considering that the scenes were indoors, the lighting and soundscape designs were quite complex and with well thoughtout effects by Geoff Holt. The precisely timed technical operating was by Eddie Baross and Caileb Hombergen-Crute. The show was smoothly stage managed by Graeme Dick.

Popcorn Garrick Theatre club Gordon the Optom

oopcorn is definitely a play for adults. Crafted by the amazing British-born playwright, now a WA writer, Ben Elton – who very recently celebrated his 60th birthday. Ben has written and succeeded in many genres from ‘Mr Bean’ and ‘Blackadder’, to the script of We Will Rock You for Queen. This is yet another genre, with bawdy foul language throughout and yet, as always with Elton, there is a cheeky warmth to his writing. Elton’s fourth novel Popcorn won a highly prestigious Crime Writers’ Association’s Gold Dagger Award. Elton adapted this 1996 satirical book into this ‘bloodcurdlingly funny’ play that is part thriller and part social commentary. The play premiered at the Nottingham Playhouse before moving to London’s West End, where it then achieved the 1998 Olivier Award. This rip-roaring two hour drama / dark comedy can be seen at the Garrick Theatre, 16 Meadow Street in Guildford until Saturday 20th July. Evening performances have curtain up at 8.00 pm, the Sunday Matinées are at 2.00 pm on 7th and 14th July.

The self-centred film director, Bruce Delamitri (Tim Fraser), who specialises in blood and gore, has just been nominated for an Oscar as Best Director. Not surprisingly, the public think he is glorifying murder and that he is

The Scene: The year 2025 (?) in California, mainly in the loungeroom of Bruce’s luxury Hollywood top floor apartment. The story depicts those that are ‘recognised’ and those trying to be. The Set: Was magnificent. Designed by Graeme Dick and aided in its construction by Michael Vincent, the structure was solid, futuristic and colourful. Graeme and Adrian Ashman painted the set. The loungeroom walls were white with grey stippling. Modern stylistic paintings hung around the room. The floor was black and white chequerboard marble, with a deep red, shag pile rug. To the side was a contemporary scarlet and black drinks unit. Centre stage was an ultra-modern Dutch-style coffee table, with two glass shelves on single cantilever legs (quite a find). A black leather settee. Across the rear of the room was a 60 cms high walkway leading to the front door and bedrooms. A jarrah frame and cord balustrade. A large window with red and white candy-striped curtains overlooked the main street. Outside the room’s double doors was an entrance hall with

actively encouraging criminals to join in. Bruce, his disenchanted teenaged daughter, Velvet (Sophie David) and Karl, his demanding producer (Gavin Crane) are scanning the various channels on the large screen TV, as the journalists and commentators (Paula Hudson, Fiona Forster, David Gribble) warn of troubled times ahead. Bruce, as obnoxious as ever, argues that showing violence does not encourage it. Just as Bruce finishes dressing for the Award Ceremony, his alienated wife, Farrah (Sarah House – great), arrives demanding that they agree on their divorce settlement. Whilst at the Oscars, two psychopaths in the style of Bonny and Clyde – but nasty – arrive. They are Wayne (Tim Presant) who is dim, wicked and heartless and his adoring lover, Scout (Sjaan Lucas – loveable and frightening, fabulous) who is also his soulmate, break into the flat to wait for Bruce’s return. They are the infamous Mall Murderers, responsible for 57 deaths – so far. Knowing the police are close on their 36

tail, Wayne has devised a scheme to avoid the electric chair but needs to discuss it with Bruce. Bruce arrives home with an attractive but intoxicated photographic model, Brooke Daniels (Sherryl Spencer – wonderful) who fancies herself as a would-be diva. Before long they are joined inside his apartment by a TV camera crew, Kirsten the sound recordist (Colleen Bradford) and cameraman Bill (Graeme Dick). Trouble is brewing. Colleen Bradford was in charge of the various costumes – or in Colleen’s case, the shortage of costume! This play has tremendous pace and relies very much on an excellent rapport between the cast members. With fast dialogue in an American accent, the potential for problems was increased. However, thanks to great direction L to R: Richard Hadler, Jacquie Warner and Kerry Goode by Siobhán Vincent and her assistant in Arsenic and Old Lace Marion West, the actors were perfectly rehearsed, confident and with clear (sweetly played by Tracey Morrison), but is very intimidated enunciation in the rapid passages. about perpetuating the Brewster curse of insanity. Ben Elton had developed a selection of very strong but While giving away no spoilers, let us just say that given extremely different characters and this cast bonded together revelations by his aunts Abby and Martha, Mortimer and Elaine perfectly. The interaction was outstanding. Over the years, should go on to enjoy a long and happy life together! every member of the cast has proved themselves to be talented, Jacqui Warner and Kerry Goode played impeccably off winning numerous awards on the way. each other, as one would expect from actors of their experience Even so, I think for the members of this exceptional cast it and talents. could still be their best performances ever. A special mention for Ryan Perrin brought Teddy to life, playing his bugle and the two Tims who were powerful, unrelenting and brilliant. “chaaarging” at most inappropriate moments (and, importantly, Superb acting with NO punches pulled. This play is not for the to the annoyance of his neighbours). This family unit was very delicate prudish theatregoer, but if you are slightly broadminded believable, although unconventional. there is subtle humour throughout and plenty of shocks. Richard Hadler was a mature Mortimer, with an elastic Loved it. Guaranteed full houses, so get in quickly. face that encompassed every emotion, and he was well ~oOo~ matched by the equally mature Tracey Morrison. Benedict Chau obviously relished his role as the Production: Arsenic and Old Lace bad brother, and his performance was enhanced by the Producer: Darlington Theatre Players performance of Harrison MacLennan as Dr Einstein, whose Reviewer: Ruby Westrall German accent was reliable and clear. Speaking of accents, the lack of a clear direction in a t was with delicious trepidation that I general American accent amongst the cast was very off putting entered the auditorium of Marloo Theatre to me, and detracted from the performances as a whole. to view the Darlington Theatre Players I would have loved to have heard a continuity in accents production of Arsenic and Old Lace. This across the cast and my wish list would have included an very well known play, about two lovely old American Irish accent for police officer O’Hara (David Seman) spinster sisters (Martha and Abby Brewster) and potentially police officer Brophy (Billy Darlington). who have a very different idea about charity than most of us, Michael Hart showed his worth once again as The promised great fun, with direction by Brendan Tobin. Reverend Dr. Harper and the Police Lieutenant with Raymond Very well cast and with a wonderful set by George Boyd, Egan making solid contributions as Mr Gibbs and Mr the play did not disappoint. Witherspoon. Jacqui Warner as Abby and Kerry Goode as Martha were Lighting by Michael Hart was beautifully realised by exceptionally well cast, with the right amount of elegance and Lachlan Kessey, and Brendan Tobin’s sound design was barbarity intermingled, providing us with the dichotomy of the seamlessly integrated by Jonathan Masterton. Brewster clan…gentility mixed liberally with insanity. Marjorie DeCaux has once again excelled in her costume Ryan Perrin, as the “mad brother” Teddy Brewster (who design and realisation. believes he is Theodore Roosevelt) gives us the “good” side of This well loved play was given the respect it deserved the insanity running through the clan, while Benedict Chau as by its creatives and performers, and the audience responded the “bad brother” Johnathon Brewster denotes the ‘evil” side. likewise. In the middle is Mortimer Brewster, played by Richard ~oOo~ Hadler, who is hoping to settle down with his love, Elaine Harper

Production: Starring: Reviewer:

chat about another project I’m working on. We finished up late in the afternoon, then Tim was off to his next engagement with Channel 9, and ultimately the evening show. I don’t know about you but if I had a show on, I’d be spending the run up in equal parts preparation and panic. There is no denying Tim’s energy levels are still fine, so too his creative force as we discussed new ventures including the promise of another movie. Watch this space, it sounds like a life affirming hoot. Also keep an eye out for a return visit. Last time the organisers had to keep adding more and more rows of seating. Or if you’re in another state of Australia keep a look out for Fast Life On Wheels dates. ~oOo~

A Fast Life on Wheels Tim Ferguson Glennys Marsdon

here are many reasons why people will go to see the new show A Fast Life On Wheels, by Tim Ferguson. For some it’s nostalgia for the Doug Anthony All Stars, others may want to see a comedy legend in action. Some are learning the trade and want to sit at the feet of a master. Then there are the people living with or caring for someone with a disability. Or maybe they have some masochistic desire to know what life is like with a disability. Either way I can guarantee they’ll find themselves laughing one minute and feeling challenged the next. This month was the second time Tim has brought his latest show A Fast Life On Wheels to Perth. The first time was during the Perth Fringe Festival. With sell out audiences, why not bring it back. The show was a follow up to Carry a Big Stick, which some of you may have seen a few years back. Both shows dip into Tim’s past before focusing on the current, particularly his progression of life with MS. The new show was funny, candid, thought provoking and genuine as always, just like the man himself. Recounting tough stories through humour, his positive outlook is no doubt a big reason for his continued success. As an example some quotes which have stuck with me are ... “I don’t suffer MS, it suffers me.” “You live and learn in that order.” As I reflect on the Fast Life On Wheels show I saw earlier in the year, I recall feeling strangely envious about some aspects that disability brings (you’ll never think of showering in the same way). The intriguing comedy ideas that sprung out of the audience interaction elements were a hoot. It was like being part of a mini comedy masterclass. No doubt some of the audience members lived out a fantasy, while others may have been left thinking about starting a comedy career. There may be less stage diving now that Tim’s in a wheelchair, but by the twinkle in his eye I wouldn’t put it past him. I was fortunate to sit down with Tim while he was in town to

Production: Producer: Reviewer:

Hotel Sorrento Holy Cross College James Forte

Australian Classic Drama chool drama productions are fascinating. The competent, if basic, acting skills are overlaid with energy, enthusiasm and a diamond-hard determination to shine. This is a fine example. The opening few minutes of first-night nerves soon gave way to the confidence that comes from many rehearsals and a deep knowledge of the material. Initial projection was at the low end of adequate but soon moved to a clarity suitable for a large hall. Hannie Rayson wrote Hotel Sorrento in 1990 to use family values and betrayal to explore what the world thinks of Australians and what we think about ourselves. Three sisters have been apart for ten years and reunite at the family home in a coastal holiday town on the

Mornington Peninsula. It is an Australian classic – included on the syllabus of school drama courses in many states. It is comparable with the famous American drama August Osage County (currently playing elsewhere in Perth) and has many common themes and events. The three sisters of the Moynihan family are: Hilary (Maria BravoEchevarria) the eldest who, as a widow with a teenage daughter, has stayed at home to care for their father; Meg (Alannah Reberger) a famous novelist living in London – her latest work is up for the Booker Prize; Pippa (Kirsten McCumstie) a jet-setting marketing executive in New York. Their father Wal Moynihan (Alex Smilovitis) has retired, but is a local identity around Sorrento. Also in town are Marge Morrissey (Breannah Rigoli) who is a divorcee and long-time neighbour of the Moynihans and Dick Bennett (John Paul Botha), the editor of a bi-monthly newspaper. Dick is keen to meet celebrity Meg when she returns to Sorrento.

“Never enough men” is a standard nightmare for theatre companies. Hilary’s child is a son in the script – faultlessly transformed to a daughter, Tracey (Olivia Feszczur), for this production. A much more difficult task was the character of Edwin Bates (Bianca Scinto), Meg’s English husband. Despite the girl’s voice, Bianca provided an acceptable middle-aged Englishman. Awesome. I wonder if the addition of a man’s hat (cloth cap in England, a Panama to keep off the sun in Australia) might hide her hair and help audiences quickly believe and accept the character. The ensemble worked well together and all eight actors gave fine performances that held one’s attention. If there was a weak point, it was in the writing - which had a television soap opera feel about it. There were many brief scenes requiring some adjustment of the set, then the actors to position themselves, lights up, perhaps a half-dozen lines of duologue, followed by lights down. This all takes time and the director, stage crew and actors are to be congratulated on making this format work. The best scene, for me, was the extended meal in Act Two with the cast around the table and some solid verbal sparring between Meg and Dick. The set you see as you enter the theatre is impressive. The large jetty in the centre physically links the Australian Moynihan house to the English home of Meg and Edwin. For Act Two, the English home transforms to Tracey’s bedroom. Lighting and soundscape (seagulls and crashing waves) were effective. All was well coordinated and directed by Mr Chris McRae and Natasha Whyte. The production was the output of many of the school departments: Media for the photography and poster, Design and Technology- Woodwork for the set, Visual Arts for the paintings and backdrops. Of particular note was the excellent programme consisting of sixteen pages of colour photographs. Many theatre companies could use it as a model. Recommended. ~oOo~ 39

Production: Producer: Reviewer:

Popcorn Garrick Theatre Club Inc Douglas Sutherland-Bruce

A Thinking Adults Only Drama en Elton is possibly best known for his light comedy. Stand -up routines and so on. Blackadder sort of falls into this because although very funny, it has a serious edge, and with Blackadder Goes Fourth, the satire really shows. As a person, Elton has strong views on a range of subjects and as a writer choses to express them in a variety of ways, often sugar-coating the serious thought-provoking medicine with a candy coating of laughter and absurdity. Such a work is Popcorn, currently showing at the Garrick Theatre in Guildford. This production, which has the blessing of the great man himself (he now lives in Fremantle) is directed by Siobhan Vincent, probably better known as an actor (Way of the World, Salonika, The Lion in Winter and many, many more) but no slouch as a director either - The Glass Menagerie, her previous production at Garrick having been very much admired and commended. For this play Vincent has collected a remarkable cast and put their talents to good use. Let me say at once that Popcorn is a play for adults - and broad-minded, sophisticated adults at that. There is open drug use, violence and what my mother would euphemistically describe as ‘very bad language’. None of the roles are easy, ‘call it in on the phone’ roles, as the plot moves rapidly from light farce to grand guignol and back again in the turn of a perfectly polished sentence. Before moving to the play itself I would like to praise the set designed and built by Graeme Dick - absolutely perfect for purpose. beautifully conceived and immaculately realised, it

Tim Fraser with the author of Popcorn, Ben Elton shows just how much can be achieved in quite a small space. I don’t want to give away much of the plot but it all centres around the vents of a single day, the day of the Academy Awards presentations. Bruce Delamitri (Tim Fraser), a well-known director of very violent films has been nominated and he and his family, wife Farrah (Sarah House) and daughter Velvet (Sophie David) alongside family friend and producer the (very) Australian Karl Brezner (Gavid Crane). Two of Bruce’s admirers are the ‘Mall Murderers’ a couple of crazed killers out on a spree who decide to come calling at the home of their idol ... now read on. I have said none of the parts are easy, and that’s true; but the two psychopathic killers, Wayne (Tim Presant) and his girlfriend Scout (Sjaan Lucas) would be so easy to overplay or to caricature, so extreme are their actions, but both turn in beautifully judged performances. Elton has gone on record as saying that if you don’t get Scout right, almost nothing else works. Everything works here. And to a remarkable degree. It’s a farly small company, which helps, but the ensemble work is impressive. This is a cast that have worked hard together, trust and support each other and it shows in the result. It would be very hard to single any one performance out, and I’m not going to. Uniformly excellent. I would say that Sherryl’s routine to remove her pantyhose was impressive to say the least, were it not an entirely sexist remark. The staging is well done. The use of a huge TV screen in the Delamiti’s lounge room was well thought out in unusual and unconventional ways. The set dressing is impressive and the whole I would call unmissable theatre. Popcorn runs until the 20th July and there are a few seats left, although by the time you read this, that may no longer be true. Lady Trollope famously remarked: “so much to see, so little to admire”. I think if she’d seen Popcorn at the Garrick she might have changed her opinion. Very Highly Recommended Indeed.

Garrick Theatre Club Proudly Presents

An explosive comedy for adults by Ben Elton Directed by Siobhan Vincent

Tickets:

$25 - Adults $22 - Concession $20 - Members Booking: 9378 1990, www.TryBooking.com bookings@garricktheatre.asn.au

Thu Fri Sat Sun JULY 4 5 6 7* 11 12 13** 14* 18 19 20 **There are two performances on Saturday the 13th Curtain Up ~ Evenings 8:00pm *Matinées 2:00pm

Caution: sexual references, coarse language, adult and violent themes.

An Amateur production by arrangement with Origin Theatrical, on behalf of Samuel French Ltd

4th to 20th July, 2019 40

STIRLING PLAYERS ARE YOU BEING SERVED? PETER DONALD

Are You Being Served? features L to R:Melissa Cruikshank, Roxanne O’Connor, Jenny Wren, Peter Neaves, Ginny Moore Price, David Young, Lesmurdie resident David Gribble, Peter Boylen, Bob Charteris, Owen Phillips and Sean Bullock

“But essentially I just want to make the show as funny as I possibly can with the audience going along for the ride.” Are You Being Served? runs from July 19th until August the 3rd at 8:00pm with 2:00pm matinees on July the 21st and 28th. Tickets cost $22,($20 concession) – book through Morris News on 9446 9120 or at www.trybooking.com/ZGUG. Stirling Theatre is on Morris Place, Innaloo.

nnuendo, misunderstandings, mistaken identity and farce are all on stage at Stirling Theatre in the form of the popular TV comedy series Are You Being Served? Directed by Andrew Watson, the stage version is written by the show’s creators David Croft and Jeremy Lloyd. Doubleentendres fly as the motley crew of Grace Brothers department store, including Mr Humphries, Mrs Slocombe, Captain Peacock and Miss Brahms, prepare for a sale of German goods. They head off for a staff holiday at a one-star Spanish hotel and only have a nun’s habit, bowler hat and pair of Union Jack knickers to survive – everything remains intact except their modesty. “Captain Peacock is the Grace Bros department store floorwalker who oversees the retail staff in the men’s and ladies’ wear department,” David Gribble, who brings the role to life, said. “He’s ex-British army (Catering Corps) and lives up to his name, always strutting about, ordering people around and very aware of his dignity at all times.” The main challenge, according to David, is playing such a well-known character. “Audiences often come with a clear memory of how the character looks, speaks and acts so you can’t create the person from scratch as you can with other plays,” he said. The play is very funny with the double entendre comedy the Brits do so well. But at a deeper level, it’s also a window into the British class system in the 1970s and how that influences the behaviour of the characters, even in a retail setting. Director Andrew Watson said he loved putting old TV comedies on stage. “They were hugely popular and have a wide appeal, not only to people that know the shows, but with the humour that spans generations,” he said. “With Are You Being Served? I need to push my actors to study the show and their characters to get as close to the real thing as possible. 41

HALCYON PLAYHOUSE 100 WALTER PLINGE

The show has only been presented once before in Perth, through Curtain University. Halcyon Playhouse saw this as an opportunity to bring 100 to a wider audience and put their own stamp on the show. “When I first read the play it really made me stop and think how I would like to spend eternity. It’s a big call – if you don’t think about certain people for your final memory they’re gone. That really attracted me to being involved with this production.” Shallcross explained. Director Kovacs, assisted by Devetta Ridgwell knew that they had their work cut out for them. One of the biggest challenges for the show is working in the round: “100 offers a unique experience for the audience, especially with such a challenging story. I am loving working with the cast and crew of 100 – it’s a beautiful production.” 100 runs from July 12th to the 20th at 7.30pm with a 2:00pm matinee on July 14 at The Round Room, 435 Carrington Street, Hamilton Hill, within the Hamilton Hill Memorial Hall. Tickets are $20 for adults, ($18 concessions and children), plus transaction fees – book at www. halcyonplayhouse.com or on 0422 394 749. Please note: the show contains haze and flashing light effects. The Guides (L to R) Lee Wilson & Ryan S McNally (Photograph by JS Photography and Imaging) Raffle and program sales, along with funds raised from other activities, will go to Asthma WA, Presented as an ‘in the round’ experience, 100 investigates Helping Minds and Skyira. the theme of death and how one would decide to spend eternity. What would it be like to stop, step out, look at your life and would you reconsider your choices? The show plays within the Round Room at Hamilton Hill’s Memorial Hall, making it a unique sensory experience. Four strangers, recently deceased, are now trapped in limbo, leaving them in a state of panic and confusion. The only means of escaping the void is by choosing a past memory in which to spend eternity. As each memory is revisited, the strangers fall further into despair. In order to choose, they must first discover more about themselves before time runs out... The first production of 100 was at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in where it won a Fringe First Award for ‘Innovation in Theatre and Outstanding Production’. The show features local talents, Kyal Wilkinson, James Dalgleish, Jessica Shallcross, Nikita Harwood as the four strangers, with Lee Wilson and Ryan S McNally as the not so honest Guides. “There is a real good vs evil aspect to the Guide,” McNally said. “It’s been a lot of fun workshopping the character because it was originally played by only one actor. We read through the script and there was a moment where we thought, this doesn’t quite seem like the right dialogue to be coming from one person.” Wilson added, “When I first read the script, the big thing that stuck with me was that it really left you pondering something at the end. You enter the story with a bit of an idea and what you are going to get, but you came out the other end with this philosophical bubble in your head that you really wanted to get an answer to.” Welcome… To Death alcyon Playhouse gives you just one hour to decide how you will spend eternity this July as they launch their debut stage production 100 by Neil Monaghan, Diene Petterle & Christopher Heimann.

LIFE ON HOLD PRODUCTIONS THE OTHER SIDE HENRY SCAFFIDI

assendean resident Meredith Hunter is involved in a fusion of arts – photography, music and theatre – to highlight stories rarely seen, shedding light on a destructive and demoralising way of life. Presented by Life on Hold Productions at the Victoria Park Centre for the Arts, The Other Side takes audiences through a photographic exhibition, matched with carefully selected music, before culminating in a play about Kate. Kate is a troubled woman who has suffered a great tragedy and is portrayed during different stages of her life by three actors. Directed by Siobhán O’Gara, the play shows how Kate arrived at her tragedy, her experience of living it and how the event affected her years later. The Other Side focuses on the troubled Kate, played by three actors during different stages of her life: L to R: Sarah Christiner, Meredith Hunter and Jane Sherwood. She’s had a rough upbringing and is struggling. The first Kate we understanding for the character – and of the condition.” see is in her late teens to late twenties, struggling with mental The Other Side runs from July 13th to the 26th at 7.30pm health and a violent household. The second version of Kate is a and 6pm and 8pm on July 20th and 27th respectively at the woman in her thirties to forties struggling with parenthood and Victoria Park Centre for the Arts is 12 Kent Street, East Victoria maintaining a marriage, while also battling her inner demons. Park. We then see Kate in her fifties to sixties, the product of the Tickets cost $25, ($20 concession) – book at www. events that have occurred to the previous two versions. trybooking.com/BCRNK. Photos on display will be available for The main challenge is ensuring the audience accept the sale. three actors as the same person during different stages of her life. When tapping into the emotion of the piece, it needs to be enough to draw the audience in but not so much that it comes across as melodramatic. Acting on and off since 1985, Hunter mainly performs at Harbour Theatre and is an adjudicator for South Perth’s Old Mill Theatre. She received a best actress nomination at the 2016 Finley Awards for her role in The Woman Who Cooked Her Husband. More recently, Hunter appeared in the Fringe World show My Friend the Lich and Animal Farm with Life of Hold Productions and has also performed in ghost walks for the City of Gosnells. “The Other Side appealed because I have worked with Sarah Christiner, one of the other Kates, before and enjoy doing so,” she said. “I can also resonate with aspects of the production, given my work as a children’s lawyer in the children’s and family courts where I am dealing with parents who have a range of difficulties, from mental health to drug addiction and family violence.” Director Siobhán O’Gara said she liked plays and scripts that speak to the human condition and are steeped in social reality. “Homelessness is a growing issue in our society and does not discriminate between professionals, the educated or dispossessed and is a leveller in an uncaring world,” she said. “But it’s important to avoid sensationalising the issue and to present the story in a way that elicits sympathy and 43

ARENA ARTS THE TRUTH PETER DONALD

ans of Sir Terry Pratchett rejoice – The Truth is out there. Adapted by Stephen Briggs from the popular Discworld novel, the stage production is coming to the Roxy Lane Theatre, presented by ARENAarts and directed by Ron Arthurs. In The Truth, William de Worde becomes accidental editor of the Discworld's first newspaper with the help of two dwarves. With plots afoot, possible murder, dognapping, love in the air – and a potato – the truth will make you fret, rather than set you free. The late Terry Pratchett was a master of the fantasy genre and sold more than eighty-five million books worldwide in thirty-seven languages. “We are not going for the approach taken by many Pratchett productions, which is large showy sets and intricately-built L to R: Fleur Pereira, Brendan Ellis, Elisabet Pryor and Chris Harris scenes,” Arthurs said. “We have a smaller stage so will be the fandom.” taking a set-minimalist approach and using lighting to move Terry Pratchett’s The Truth runs fromJuly 12th to the 27th at from scene to scene. This will also allow audiences to focus 8pm, with 2pm matinees on July 14th and 21st at The Roxy Lane more on the action and actors with fewer distractions. Theatre on the corner of Ninth Avenue and Roxy Lane, Maylands. “Theatre isn’t just about the set, it’s about the players and Tickets are $22, ($16 concession) – book at www.TAZTix. action taking place. A couple of characters will surprise the com.au or call TAZTix on 9255 3336. Pratchett fan base and my vision is to have a lot of bright colours, in both costumes and settings.” Acting for the past forty years in Australia and the UK, Arthurs first acted as a ten-year-old and has gone on to perform with Moora Repertory Club, Plantagenet Players, Narrogin Repertory, ARENAarts, EdgyX, Harbour, Kwinana, Stirling, Marloo, KADS and Limelight Theatres and the Rockingham Players. He appeared at the UK’s renowned Stables Theatre and has won various acting awards, after appearing in more than two hundred productions. Since mid-2013, Arthurs has appeared in more than 80 local films, the award-winning Fringe World show The Leftovers and has completed voiceover work for The Star War Adventures in the US. “I am a big fan of Terry Pratchett’s novels and have performed in two stage productions adapted from his plays,” he said. “I know there is a large following of Pratchett’s works and want to share them and Mr Tulip (Evie MacPherson) possibly bring others into 44

GARRICK THEATRE CLUB INC

MELVILLE THEATRE VERONICA’S ROOM WALTER PLINGE

across an audition at Melville Theatre for Under The Blue Sky, spine-tingling thriller about a family’s secret will soon be which she appeared in, and directed Cash on Delivery last year. exposed at Melville Theatre, exploring the thin line between “The toughest challenge with Veronica’s Room is drawing fantasy, reality and madness. the audience in and making them believe,” Kling said. Written by Ira Levin (best known for his best-selling “The cast is fantastic and each time I watch them I get goose horror novel Rosemary’s Baby) and directed by Georgina Kling, Veronica’s Room has a sense of looming danger, suspense and unexpected twists. Students Susan and Larry find themselves as guests enticed to an Irish couple’s mansion, after they claim Susan bears a striking resemblance to their deceased ward Veronica. They persuade Susan to impersonate Veronica to solace the dead girl’s sister, now elderly and senile. But once the door closes, Susan begins to feels she may have erred in her decision. “Having seen the script brought to life on the stage many years ago, I've never forgotten the chills I got when the play finished,” the currently-pregnant Kling said. “I bought the script last year and re-read it, only to enjoy it even more. “There are so many twists and turns you don't see coming so the play constantly keeps the audience thinking. “Even once the show’s over, you leave thinking ‘What just happened?’ and ‘Who was that?’ L to R: Kate Elder, Grace Morton, Michael Dornan and Jacob “I love that sense of getting an audience Turner in Veronica’s Room thinking and talking about different theories, bumps, so I hope the audience gets the same feeling.” long after the play has ended.” Veronica’s Room runs from July the 5th to the 20th at 8pm On stage since she was young, Kling took a break for with a 2pm matinee on July 14 at Melville Theatre, 393A Canning sixteen years to focus on school and university but then threw Highway (corner of Stock Road), Palmyra. herself back into the theatre world, embracing acting, directing, Tickets are $20, ($15 concession) – book on 9330 4565 or at choreography, costumes and other behind-the-scenes work. www.meltheco.org.au. After moving to Perth from London four years ago, she came

ROLEYSTONE THEATRE LORDS AND LADIES WALTER PLINGE

lves may be cute, glamourous and fun but nobody said they were good – a fact highlighted in Roleystone Theatre’s production of Terry Pratchett’s Lords and Ladies, adapted by Irana Brown from the popular Discworld novel. Directed by Bradley Towton at Roleystone Hall, the satirical comedy features dark fantasy elements and parodies many story threads from Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Magrat Garlick is a young-ish witch who has to overcome her own feelings of inadequacy to face an oncoming occult invasion of elves. The task is made harder because she was raised to believe elves were happy little fellows – but a witch has to do what she must to keep the people she loves safe, even if it ruins her wedding dress. Dying of Alzheimer’s in early 2015, Pratchett was the UK’s best-selling author of the 1990s, selling more than 85 million books worldwide in 37 languages. “I previously directed Terry Pratchett’s Mort and it was an amazing experience because Pratchett’s subtle humour lent itself amazingly well to the stage,” Towton said. “Mort was the first Pratchett book I ever read, so that was the show I wanted to start with – but when I realised how many people love watching Pratchett shows, I decided to put on another one. “Lords and Ladies is exciting to experience because it turns so many pre-conceived cliches on their head with damsels saving kings, orangutans being the only sensible ones, wizards being useless and elves being bad. “Having a cast full of people who are passionate about the source material is also delightful, as you can tell they just want to give Pratchett’s memory their best shot.” Involved in theatre for the past ten years, Towton studied performing arts at Curtin University and appeared in several Stage Door School shows before joining Roleystone Theatre to perform in Much Ado About Nothing, Avenue Q, Peter Pan and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He has also appeared in Garrick Theatre productions of A Lady Mislaid, Project Macbeth and Love is a Noun and scored acting awards for his roles in She Was Only a Miller’s Daughter and Footrot Flats at Roleystone Theatre. Lords and Ladies is now providing new challenges for Towton. “We’re finding ourselves experimenting with a lot of assets, asking ‘How can we get away without a flamethrower?’ and ‘How can we make a man more than six foot look half his height?’” he said. “Answering these sorts of questions has required us to really think outside the box, making it an interesting challenge, to say the least.” With stage adaptations of Pratchett’s novels, Towton says the key is knowing what to cut and what to keep. “We’re aware some of our favourite parts don’t quite translate well to the stage,” he said. “To meet the expectations, we like to throw in tiny Easter eggs that we know only huge fans of Pratchett will catch. “I am a true Pratchett fan, as are all my cast, so as long as I can keep us all happy with how the show is being created, I don’t doubt our audience will enjoy it, too.” Terry Pratchett’s Lords and Ladies runs from July the 5th to the 13th at 7.30pm with 2:00pm matinees on July 6th

Magrat (Michelle Ezzy) and King Verence (Billy Darlington) [Photograph by Zyg Waltersdorf]

and 13th at Roleystone Hall, 44 Jarrah Road (corner of Wygonda Road), Roleystone. Tickets are $20, ($15 concession) and may be booked online at www.roleystonetheatre.com.au.

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THE IDLER The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Mind

been briefed and knew what was expected of it. Located adjacent to the fence, where a security guard was sitting, it had one job to do. To remain in position and render assistance, should it be required. As the pack of players advanced, the chair stood fast. In doing so it meant Guelfi couldn’t use his hands to avoid making head contact with the fence. After an hour long hearing the jury took eleven minutes to find McGovern guilty and hand out a one-match suspension. The media went wild. Even though the chair was cleared of all charges, the front-page headlines castigated it for its role in the accident. “Eagles sad, Freo happy, Plastic chair somewhat nonchalant,” read one headline. GLENNYS MARSDON Time and time again football players are lauded for their ability to man up and face down a pack of advancing players. And yet there was no mention of the heroics displayed by this his month marks Plastic Free July and I for one am left with a little chair as a man four times his size loomed large. Instead he slightly uneasy feeling about the timing of this campaign. was ridiculed in front of his friends, family and the general An innocent coincidence? Maybe. Or used in public. How would you feel if your honour was called the wrong hands, could it provide an opportunity to into question with no right of reply? With no legal or further humiliate a hardworking, almost necessary media representation of his own … he had no leg to member of humanity? I hope not. stand on. Some of you may be switching off already but I This is not the first-time the humble plastic implore you to stay with me for a moment. Don’t panic, white chair, known as a monobloc chair, has been I’m not going to list off a range of depressing statistics. I in the spotlight. Mass produced in the 1970’s don’t have to, as I’m sure your subconscious has already the chairs are a common sight all over dialled up the unfathomable image of the rubbish vortex the world. Where would my big Greek, floating in the Pacific. Instead I want to focus on the Italian or any other nation wedding, potential impact of the campaign on one particular plastic be without them? What about item. university graduations or even the Plastic Free July is a global campaign aimed at humble backyard barbie? Think of helping people solve the problem of plastic waste. any social event and they’re sure Specifically, the campaign aims to educate people to be there. working hard with no about the alternatives to single-used plastic. To date the promise of thanks or recognition. campaign has been active in 177 countries and inspired Furthermore, when Uncle John takes over 120 million people to create new habits. I have offence to his brothers comment the humble no problem with the campaign, in fact I fully support it. plastic white chair is usually the first thing to be Yes single-use plastic is bad, but what about other types kicked back, turned over or hurled through the air, of plastic, overworked and undervalued plastic that Nonchalant chair through no fault of their own. might get caught up in the well-meaning frenzy? Sure, each year thousands of adults We’ve already witnessed the most public castigation of a piece end up in emergency rooms after serious chair accidents. People of plastic we’ve ever seen. Let me remind you. fall when chairs collapse, fingers are severed, hands crushed, A few weeks ago, the nation was glued to the front page bones broken, and spines injured. But these injuries are usually of the newspaper waiting to hear the verdict of a critical confined to metal or wooden chairs not the sturdy monobloc. court case. I say, “the nation” but really it was more of a West Yes, more than 18,000 children are injured each year Australian issue if I’m honest. Anyway, it was a huge deal taking in high-chair accidents, but this is often due to the child’s up precious airtime on all the television channels and across inadequate attempts at climbing on or off the chair. various social media platforms. Continued on page 61... West Coast Eagles defender Jeremy McGovern was accused of rough conduct when contact from him sent Essendon player Matt Guelfi sliding into the boundary fence. Guelfi was left with injured ribs and concussion, which is never nice to witness nor a good outcome for all concerned. A court case ensued. A frame by frame review of the event suggested this was not your average fence plant. The footage included vision of a nondescript looking white chair, plastic in nature. AFL versus a villainous (allegedly) plastic white chair. Who would win? On the day of the game the chair had

IN DEFENCE OF PLASTIC

TV WITH CHRIS JULY 2019

inter is traditionally a good TV viewing season. Cold nights, heaters and some seriously good shows make earlier evenings an attractive proposition. First class drama and classic humour all feature in this month’s ouvre. Title: CHERNOBYL Network: HBO/Foxtel

very now and then, a series is released which has the power to move, entertain and break your heart all in quick succession. Even more so, when that series is based on true events the poignancy reverberates even more. Enter Chernobyl, an HBO driven mini series masterpiece starring Jared Harris, Stellan Skarsgard and Emily Watson. Chernobyl manages to pull off in five episodes what many series cannot over multiple seasons of content. A visceral, terrifyingly real account of the horrific events of the 1986 nuclear disaster at the Chernobyl Power Plant in the Ukranian city of Pripyat. The series is told from multiple perspectives, beginning with the workers inside the power plant in the early hours of April 26th 1986. As a failed test of a nuclear reactor goes awry, engineers scramble to stabilise the reactor levels before disaster strikes. We also see the human side with glimpses into the stories of the families of the workers and surrounding residents. What follows is true horror like nothing seen on TV. The effects of Chernobyl’s radiation leaks are well known in the history books but it is put on television in a hyper realistic manner. Soon, scientist Valery Legasov (Harris) and Soviet politician Boris Shcherbina (Skarsgard) are called in to investigate the source of the disaster and, along with nuclear physicist Ulana Khomyuk (Watson) bring out the real truth of Chernobyl with heartbreaking results. Firstly, less than a month since the release of the first episode, the series jumped to a 9.7 rating on the Internet Movie Database (IMDB) with the series finale Vichnaya Pamyat (which

translates to ‘Eternal Memory’) striking an unprecedented 10.0 rating, pushing it to #1 on the top rated shows of all time. This is for good reason. The series does not simply re-tell the events of the Chernobyl disaster. It explores the human cost, the heartbreaking aftermath and the cost of lies as officials and workers aimed to cover up a catastrophic mistake. It is terrifyingly real and gripping television and the atmosphere is dangerous, eerie and pitched perfectly for the content manner. The other thing Chernobyl does so well is it deals with the content as well as real life figures and history in such a respectful manner. As covered in the post-series footnotes which contextualise some of the real facts, the writers have remained so true to the account of events from witnesses, survivors and historical experts. Chernobyl is not an easy watch but it is important and riveting viewing unlike anything seen before. The best series so far this year and will definitely be in line for some major awards. Very Highly Recommended. ~oOo~ Title: MR IGLESIAS Network: Netflix

ow do you measure the popularity of comedians in an age filled with YouTube wannabes and Netflix specials? When they headline their own television series it’s a safe bet that their popularity is strong and their humour is a home run. This is the case for wildly popular US comedian Gabriel Iglesias, more commonly known as ‘Fluffy’ due to his catch phrase ‘I’m not fat, I’m fluffy’. Of Mexican heritage, Iglesias’ humour relies strongly on his cultural background and includes wildly funny impersonations and anecdotes. He now translates his stand up humour to a new sitcom in which he plays a high school history teacher in the appropriately named comedy Mr Iglesias. Iglesias is perfect as the laid back and uber popular history teacher to a bunch of misfit students who many at the school consider the bottom of the barrel and who have to complete summer school just to pass. This is contrasted by the school’s honours class which is run by Mr Iglesias’ best friend Mr Medina (Jacob Vargas), a wisecracking teacher with not much of a clue. Also in the faculty mix are boisterous Jared Harris, Stellan Skarsgård, Emily Watson and slightly egotistical principal Miss Madison and Jessie Buckley in Chernobyl (Sherri Shepherd), the always positive and 50

BLOCKBUSTER SEASON PREVIEW

ith the arrival of the American summer, blockbuster film season is upon us. With Australia currently in the winter months it is perfect weather to settle into a comfy cinema chair with some popcorn or a coffee and enjoy some quality entertainment. So what is there to look forward to in the 2019 blockbuster season? Strap yourself in!

NOW SHOWING

TOY STORY 4 Everyone’s favourite toys led by loveable cowboy Woody (Tom Hanks) and Mr Infinity himself Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) are back for a fourth adventure. With new toy Forky (Tony Hale) on the scene, the gang embark on a road trip which will lead them to realise just how big the world really is. This is truly a endearing series and is set to have plenty of colour and fun for the young ones as well as humour and charm for the big kids at heart. YESTERDAY From acclaimed director Danny Boyle comes a music injected feel good comedy about a young aspiring musician (Himesh Patel) who, after a worldwide blackout wakes up as the only person who can remember the Beatles. He soon finds himself thrust into a musical world of fame and glory as the Beatles’ timeless music inspires and delights

all over again. With toe tapping moments and smile inducing sequences, this is sure to be great fun. Plus, an appearance from Ed Sheeran. Even better! SPIDERMAN: FAR FROM HOME In a world after the events of Avengers: Endgame, Peter Parker, aka Spider-Man (Tom Holland) must discover what the new world is like. When his European holiday is disrupted by the arrival of Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), Peter must face new threats in order to save his friends (and the world) from elemental creature attacks. Marvel is always entertaining and Holland’s Spider-man films always bring the action and the humour. This is set to be no different.

COMING SOON

THE LION KING (To be released July 18th) In an age of live action remakes (Aladdin and Jungle Book to name a few), Disney is bring classic stories to new generations and the beloved Lion King is the next to get the live action/motion capture treatment. The trailers look sweeping and the attention to detail in recreating the African savannah is impressive. With an all star cast including Donald Glover (Simba), Chiwetel Ejiofor (Scar), Beyonce (Nala), Seth Rogen (Pumbaa) and the return of James Earl Jones as Mufasa, this reinvention is highly anticipated and has a lot riding on it. It will be visually breathtaking but will it capture the magic and warmth of the original? FAST AND FURIOUS PRESENTS: HOBBS AND SHAW (To be released August 1st) Yet another instalment in the Fast and Furious canon is upon us and this time it is action men Jason Statham and Dwayne Johnson in the driver’s seats. Lawman Luke Hobbs (Johnson) and outcast Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) team up in what is set to be another action packed, rubber burning thrill ride as they delve into the world of cyber genetically enhanced threats. Will have plenty of thrills and spills and may just keep the Fast and Furious franchise humming.

slightly dimwitted Miss Spencer (Maggie Geha) and the ‘on the verge of retirement’ Mr Hayward (Richard Gant). Put together they play their stereotypes well with some very funny results. This first season revolves around Mr Iglesias ‘attempting’ to prepare his students for Wilson High School’s Academic Decathalon with many speed bumps along the way. This includes the entire school turning against him for refusing to overlook the failing grades of the star footballer. A simple premise, this light hearted comedy series, driven by Iglesias’ colourful persona and quick wit is highly entertaining and binge worthy. With just the ten episodes in the first season time will fly when watching this one. The comedy is fresh, the laughs consistent and provides another great entry into the growing canon of Netflix original series. ~oOo~

ONCE UPON A TIME…..IN HOLLYWOOD (To be released August 18th) Highly anticipated after receiving rave reviews at the Cannes Film Festival, Quentin Tarantino is set to explode back onto the big screen with his sixties set love letter to the golden age of Hollywood. Leonardo DiCaprio plays has-been TV star Rick Dalton who, alongside his stunt double Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), navigate their way through the changing landscape of Hollywood in 1969. A huge ensemble piece which will also tie in the iconic figures of Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie) and Charles Manson (Damon Herriman). The extended cast list is a stunner and this one is set to be huge!

TV GENTLEMAN JACK

DOUGLAS SUTHERLAND-BRUCE

ver since John Logie Baird rang his mum and said: ‘I’ve got a bit of an idea ...’ the British have done Period Drama well. Partly it’s because most of the history is theirs. After all, when you own or control 25% of the world you’re bound to pick up the odd good story, partly it’s because they have all the good period writers - Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, William Thackeray, Wilkie Collins, William Shakespeare and so on. But mostly it’s Britain’s long theatrical stage tradition and attention to detail and passion for veracity. Whether it’s Edward VIII, Henry VIII and his Six Wives or Larkrise to Candleford and Prejudice if it’s a BBC period drama you can expect quality (there’s another one - Quality Street) of the highest order. Anne Lister (Suranne Jones) and Ann Walker (Sophis Rundle) And that’s because that long stage tradition also gives them a huge selection of very talented actors Duke Street, another fine period drama), Timothy West (Edward to chose from, added to the fact that British directors have the VII and countless others), Gemma Whelan (Game of Thrones) charming habit of filling even tiny roles with talented character Peter Davison (Dr Who), Stephanie Cole (Doc Martin) and lots and actors. lots more. This is all a long way round into the TV show I have just The story of how Gentleman Jack came into being binge watched and which I so admire - Gentleman Jack, starring is fascinating. Anne Lister was born in 1791, inherited a Suranne Jones as Anne Lister and Sophie Rundle as Ann Walker considerable fortune and land in Halifax, Yorkshire and had with a supporting cast including Gemma Jones (The Duchess of ‘an interest’ in women which she called her ‘oddity’ - the word ‘lesbian’ was unknown in that sense until 1866. She also kept a diary, totaling more than four million words with roughly a sixth in a self-devised code. The diary details the everyday minutiae of her life, opinions of people, her private thoughts and her sex life, in considerable detail. The diaries remained largely undeciphered and unknown until the 1980s when Helena Whitbread published The Secret Diaries of Anne Lister and No Priest but Love. [See page 58] These were read by Sally Wainwright, a television writer, producer and director from Yorkshire (Scott and Bailey, Happy Valley, Unforgiven and others) who specialises in drama about strong flawed female characters and Gentleman Jack is the result. The story covers Anne Lister’s life from 1832 to 1834, covering the start of her career as a collier and her pursuit, capture and ‘marriage’ to local heiress Ann Walker. In eight episodes Wainwright mingles absolutely known fact with a certain amount of dramatic license in the form of a sub-plots regarding a carriage accident in which a young boy was crippled, a pregnant maid, a murder and so on. Entirely believable and beautifully researched to illuminate the real problems of the time. The show is marvelously cast with Suranne Jones as the eponymous ‘Gentleman Jack’, a sneering nick-name given her by the townsfolk. Suranne and Sally had previously worked together in Scott and Bailey where she turned in an excellent performance in a difficult role. In every actor’s life there is a role which might have been written for them, for which they are so perfectly fitted, physically and in skill that they shine for ever. Think Sir John Hurt as Quentin Crisp in The Naked Civil Servant, Sir Derek Jacobi as Claudius in I, 52

Claudius, Charles Laughton as Sir Wilfred Robarts in Witness for the Prosecution and so on. This is Suranne Jones’ role. She is so perfect in role, so physically gorgeous, either striding along the streets in ‘that’ coat, or leaning forward on a sofa to make a persuasive point and so subtle an actor that we share her anguish, her courage and, it has to be said, her snobbery. Gorgeously costumed to perfection the series has an authenticity that has to be seen to be believed. In part this is because a good deal of the filming of the interiors and all the outdoor shots were filmed actually at Shibden Hall, which was given to the nation in the 1930s. Its open to the public and since the TV show went to air, attendance has trebled. The script to top rate but it violates one of the main rules of serious drama as opposed to panto or comedy. The actor directly addresses the audience, deliberately breaking the fourth wall. We’ve seen it recently in the highly-acclaimed Fleabag, but that is basically a comedy with very serious undertones, whereas this is pure drama. It doesn’t take long before the penny drops, however, and we work out that those speeches are exact quotes from the diaries, so it’s Anne’s words speaking to posterity - us, in fact, so it makes sense. This is Jane Austen from behind the scenes, a real glimpse into reality, not the polished exterior novelists would like you see, or the causes crusading novelists like Dickens wanted to highlight - this is real in that we are listening directly to an authentic 1830’s voice, no less so than if we heard a record. The plot moves along slowly and we gradually get to know the real Anne Lister rather than the brave, brash front she habitually presents to the world. Courage Anne has, in no small measure, we see that in the action she takes when no man can - she has to shoot a much-loved elderly and terminally ill horse. This she does unflinchingly,

but Jones skill as an actor is such that we see what it cost. She meets again, after some years, a wealthy neighbour, Ann Lister, a timid and typical maiden of the period. At first attracted by her considerable means, Anne soon fell deeply in love with her. The eight episodes cover her life from 1832 to 1834 covering her burgeoning romance and laying the groundwork for a second season, which has since been commissioned, I’m delighted to say. How much is historical fact and how much Sally Wainwright I don’t know, and frankly I don’t care, this is a wonderful story, immaculately told. Gentleman Jack is close to being television perfection - writing, plot, acting, costumes, make up and hair, setting, properties, photography, theme music and all aspects of the show are as near perfect as makes no difference. Watch Gentleman Jack and you will I am sure come to love and admire Anne Lister as I have - a woman who dared the world to take her as she was and damn your eyes if you don’t. A truly admirable person - the first modern lesbian. Very Highly Recommended Indeed.

Suranne Jones

Shibden Hall today, with the Gothic tower built by Anne in 1838 53

SWAN VALLEY AND REGIONAL NETWORK STEFANELLI FAMILY DONATES $1 MILLION GRETA JASIAK

he City of Swan is delighted to accept a $1 million contribution from the Stefanelli family towards a new children’s playground in the New Junction precinct. The decision to accept the contribution was confirmed at a Special Council Meeting on Wednesday, June 26. The Habitat Playspace is part of stage two works for the development and is scheduled to commence construction in 2020-21. The playground will reflect elements of the classic Australian backyard - a place to tell stories, catch up with friends and play. The draft concept is based on the habitats of eleven insects unique to Western Australia. It is designed to inspire play, discovery, curiosity and delight. It includes a chrysalis slide tower, wetland play area, snout-nosed katydid climbing cubby, habitat cubbies, parent’s bench and toddler’s corral. The design will be refined through a community consultation process in 2019-20. Joseph Stefanelli, Director of Stefanelli Nominees pty ltd said the Habitat Playspace will provide a safe and inclusive space for children to grow and play. “The Stefanelli family has had a strong connection to Midland and its people. We value this opportunity to give back to the community so the next generation of children and families are encouraged to work together, play together and create a bright future for all who choose to call Midland their home,” he said. City of Swan Mayor David Lucas said he is grateful to the Stefanelli family for their generosity and support for the project,

which is testament to the business community’s confidence in the City’s growth and development. “The Stefanellis have been associated with the business and local community of Midland since 1950 when the founding director, Giovanni Stefanelli, arrived from southern Italy to settle in the Swan Valley. They have helped the Midland Community grow into a vibrant and diverse place to live, work and play. Now they are cementing their place in our future,” he said. “It’s great to see one of our well-known family businesses getting involved and making a positive contribution to the community. “The New Junction project is a reflection of Midland’s proud history and exciting future, and our business community is an essential part of this story.” For more information visit www.newjunction.com.au/.

WA’S RISKIEST INTERSECTION

section of Great Northern Highway near the college. The modifications will start after winter 2019 once final designs have been confirmed and agreed to by the college, and will take several weeks to complete. Transport Minister Rita Saffioti: "I know that this has been a longstanding issue for staff and students at the college, and I'm pleased we are able to deliver these necessary improvements. "I thank the Swan Christian College for their ongoing commitment to this important road improvement, and look forward to working with them as the project moves forward. "The modifications planned for the college's entry and exit points will provide better access on both sides of busy Great Northern Highway. "The main southern access road will be widened to allow for two vehicles to enter and one to exit, while the northern access, an exit only road, will be widened slightly with improved line marking and signage. "I am proud that the McGowan Government has got to work on either planning or building many of the roads outlined in the RAC's Risky Roads surveys."

he intersection of Great Northern Highway and Swan Christian College access roads - voted Western Australia's worst in the 2018-19 RAC Risky Roads survey - will soon be upgraded. A funding boost of $250,000 has been allocated towards improving existing infrastructure on Great Northern Highway to boost safety and traffic flow. Main Roads analysis shows a one way in, one way out system will improve traffic flow and safety during the busy school morning drop-off and afternoon pick-up periods. Works to enable the new system will involve turning pocket modifications, new pedestrian ramps and footpaths, a redesign of the existing median and installation of new line marking and signage. The modifications will reduce the risk of vehicle conflicts, while improving safety for more than 1,500 students and their families attending the college. Students will also have improved pedestrian facilities at the two college access points across the highway. This section of Great Northern Highway is used by 23,000 vehicles per day, of which 23.5 per cent are heavy vehicles. In the past five years, there have been eleven crashes on the small 54

SWAN VALLEY AND REGIONAL NETWORK SMALL MOB SHEARING DAY

NEW POLICY TO HELP

he Western Australian Men's Health and Wellbeing Policy is a WA first, and has been designed to drive improved health outcomes for all men and boys in the State. In WA, males are currently over-represented in the areas of suicide, cancer, type 2 diabetes, heart and lung disease and stroke. More than 77 per cent of WA males are overweight or obese, more than 14 per cent smoke and more than 31 per cent exceed alcohol consumption guidelines, which is the highest figure in Australia. The release of the policy follows extensive research and consultation with stakeholders from regional and metropolitan WA to ensure it delivers strategies to improve access to vital health services and to empower local men and boys to manage their own health. It provides direction for the WA health system and its partners to provide effective services which will boost physical, mental, social and emotional wellbeing. The policy is underpinned by three goals: 1. Men are empowered to be proactive in managing their health needs. 2. Men have equitable access to services. 3. Men's health and wellbeing needs and outcomes are monitored and evaluated. The policy outlines the Government's response to the National Male Health Policy, and is available at www.health. wa.gov.au/mens-health Health Minister Roger Cook: "There are many fundamental and compelling reasons to develop this policy and for our Government's commitment to do more for men's health across the State. "Men continue to face poorer outcomes than women on many key health and wellbeing indicators. "This is a much needed piece of work which outlines clear goals and areas requiring action where men and boys are at higher risk. "It will lead to real gains, tangible actions and health improvements for men and boys, and for all those working with them, in communities across our State."

DONNA EVANS

his will be Rotary’s sixth year holding the Shearing day, providing a place and opportunity for those people who own a small number of sheep to have them cared for. They are once again sheared, drenched, vaccinated and deliced all at the same time. Rotary still charge a small fee of $10 per sheep to cover expenses. If a profit is made, this will go towards Swan Valley Rotary various Community projects. Steve the Shearer will once again be doing the shearing as well answering any queries. A sausage sizzle will be available on the day, as well cool drinks, tea, coffee and cake available for purchase. Many thanks for your previous support and please contact me if you need any more information: 0419 048 477 A COMMUNITY SERVICE PROJECT Where: Gidgegannup Showgrounds When: Saturday 17th August, 2019 Time: 8.30am to 4.30pm Service fee: $10 per sheep – sheared, drenched, vaccinated and de-liced all at the same time.

“Rotary Small Mob Shearing Day” (includes drenching, vaccination and de-licing treatments)

A Swan Valley Rotary Club Community Service Project Where: Gidgegannup Showgrounds When: Saturday 17th August, 2019 Time: 8.30am to 4.30pm Service fee: $10 per sheep

To Book a shearing time call Donna 0419 048 477 55

FINANCE PENSIONERS STUNG BY CUT IN INTEREST RATES STEVE BLIZARD

t its July meeting, the Reserve Bank of Australia cut the cash rate by twenty-five basis points to a historic low of 1.00 per cent, following a similar cut in June. Reserve Bank Governor, Dr Lowe, said that lower interest rates could help advance the bank’s goals of reducing unemployment and addressing a slowing economy. And he and did not rule out further cuts. He said international economic risks, especially from the trade war between Washington DC and Beijing, also contributed to the decision to lower rates.

COLLATERAL DAMAGE

With the RBA’s attempt to kickstart the economy, retirees have become collateral damage, either forcing them to dip into capital or resulting in retiree savings being pushed up the investment risk curve. The squeeze hitting retirees is only set to worsen, according to market expectations, with many economists tipping the official cash rate will drop another fifty basis points, to 0.5 percent, in the next twelve months.

SHORT-CHANGED

The ANZ’s variable home loan customers did not receive the full twenty-five-basis-point rate cut in June, with the bank criticised for only passing on eighteen basis points, but they will be receiving the late rate cut in full. However, within hours of the Reserve Bank's twenty-five basis point rate cut, Westpac and CBA responded by giving larger discounts to investors with interest only loans than to home owners paying principal and interest. While none of the big four banks has passed on the cumulative impact of the fifty basis point cut to home owners paying principal and interest on their loan, Westpac has seen fit to pass on a cut of sixty-five basis points to investors paying interest only. Loans to investors who pay interest only are the most expensive and are preferred by geared property speculators. Westpac has also passed on the smallest proportion of the rate cuts to home owners passing on just forty of the fifty basis point cut handed down by the Reserve Bank over the last two meetings. A spokesman for Westpac said the bank felt the interest only investor market had been doing it tough with many out-ofcycle increases since APRA introduced caps on investor lending in 2014. The caps have since been removed Westpac said it was important to pass on more than the cuts to this segment in order to close the gap in rates between these loans and others. It was also keen to stimulate the property investment market after a period of slowing activity.

Before last month’s rate cut, the four major lenders were offering between 2.2 percent and 2.4 percent for a one-year term deposit. Since then, the rates have dropped to between 1.8 percent and 1.95 percent. “These are grim times for retirees who rely on the income earned on their savings to make ends meet,” Rate City research director, Sally Tindall, said. “Many older Australians will get a shock when they take out their next term deposit and find rates have plummeted to below 2 per cent in most cases” she said. With rates at unprecedented levels, retirees need to shop around for the best deal. Roxburgh Securities has access to some of the highest cashbased investment returns, paying up to 5.2 percent per annum for a fixed term of 12 months, with interest paid monthly.

DEEMING DISASTER

Deeming rates now look set to replace franking credits as the hot button issue for Centrelink Aged Pension recipients, as the gap between the “deemed” assumed rate of return on pensioner investments moves out of tandem with the new one percent official cash rates. Pension access is partially determined by deeming rates, which range from 1.75 percent to 3.25 percent. Concluded on page 60 ... 56

BUSINESS - NETWORKING CHUCK IT ALL IN AND GET A JOB... SHARRON ATTWOOD

hy do we say that like it’s a bad thing? It may be the right path for you and your skill set at this point in time. But how do you know? Who do you listen to? At an event last week, I had a colleague call me over to join her conversation, and to confirm that at some point we’ve all had a sneaky look at Seek. Her companion was worried it was just her. I mean, all the apps are in on our frustration. Facebook now insists on showing me jobs advertised by pages I follow – and others that Zuckerberg thinks I may be interested in. LinkedIn is just as helpful, or unhelpful depending on your state of mind. Jobs you may like. Positions of interest. Yeah nah thanks – I’m an entrepreneur! Then I laugh and laugh – as I have a look at the other side of the fence. A magical land where I work the hours and get the money – paid on time and with a set regularity. I get holiday leave, sick leave and get paid for not working on Public Holidays. Ahh the serenity! I asked other colleagues about it – and they have all looked at some stage – though I can’t quote them. Some look to see if their skills are transferable to the world of employability. Wondering if they could even get a job. LinkedIn will actually tell you if your skills match up to the role’s requirements. So maybe it’s just for that feeling of security that we take a look. To know that if we had to – there is a job we are suitable for. We feel reassured in knowing that if we needed to jump the fence, we have options. We need to know that being self-employed hasn’t boxed us in, or out of, the job market. Whilst others admit they look when they have had a bad day. Ready to venture over the fence. At times, they may have even applied for a job. The appeal of not being alone in our business endeavours can be strong. Even couples in business together speak of the lure a job holds – say if one of them was employed – to have that layer of financial security. I can see the appeal. What are the triggering issues in running a business then? Inconsistency of cash flow is often given as a major stressor. Seasonal differences can cause fluctuations – and even though we should be able to plan for them eventually, early on in business it can be hard. Needing to predict and allow for the fluctuations in income is an ongoing challenge. Many see

employment as the solution. Marketing is another challenge. I am a big fan of Michael Gerber’s the E-Myth. In it he covers the difference between being good at your thing and being able to run a business and sustain yourself selling the thing. I meet many business owners looking to leverage their passion or skillset – only to quickly realise that marketing is where their skill needs to be at! Time and the managing of it can also be drain. For many, a minute spent in quiet contemplation leaves us feeling we missed an opportunity to work on or in our business. It leads to burnout and can be counterproductive – yet we often realise too late. It’s hard to just switch off – and we see a job as the solution. We can put our worries about ongoing work and income in someone else’s hands. It may help you sleep easier. If it does it’s a sign being in business may not be for you. So why do I look? And when I do why is it ok with me that I don’t seem to find a role my entire skill set aligns with? I mean obviously, there are things I can do – but I never see anyone looking to take on an employee that does all the things I can do – all the things I love to do. And the money? The flexibility? The flexibility around how I can earn my money? It’s just not there. It’s certainly not without its challenges – working by myself, for myself. Even if or when I have a team, there are still those times when I am alone in my responsibilities. But the upsides? It may take a sneaky look at Seek to confirm I’m on the right path. A path allowing me to do what I am best doing. Can it ever be a bad idea to check in our decisions? To make sure we are utilising our skills and energy the best way? To ensure we are travelling down the best path for us? I don’t think so. I don’t see one choice as superior to the other either. Employed or self-employed. Check in on that choice and don’t be afraid to change your mind. But also look to get support with the parts of being in business you don’t enjoy or excel at. No one is saying you must do it all or make a commitment for life. But what are you saying? Do you just know you are meant for this business journey? We all have bad days – challenging days. Do what you need to do to assure yourself you are on the right path – listen to you - and get back to work!

FOOTNOTE PEOPLE IN HISTORY ANNE LISTER (1791 - 1840)

nne Lister was an English landowner and diarist from Halifax, West Yorkshire. Throughout her life, she kept diaries that chronicled the details of her daily life, including her lesbian relationships, her financial concerns, her industrial activities, and her work improving Shibden Hall. Her diaries contain more than four million words and about a sixth of them — those concerning the intimate details of her romantic and sexual relationships — were written in code. Anne was the daughter of Jeremy and Rebecca Lister in Halifax on 3 April 1791. The Listers had four sons and two daughters, but only Anne and her younger sister, Marian, survived into adulthood. Anne was educated at home and at the age of seven was sent to a school in Ripon. On her visits to her aunt Anne and uncle James at Shibden Hall, the Misses Mellin gave her lessons. In 1804, aged thirteen, Anne Lister was sent to the Manor House School in York, where Anne met her first love, Eliza Raine. Anne and Eliza met and shared a bedroom but Anne was asked to leave after two years, but rejoined the school after Eliza had left. Anne began an affair with Mariana Belcombe, a day-pupil at the school. Mariana called Anne ‘Fred’. Lister is described as having a “masculine appearance” and Mariana Belcombe, was initially ashamed to be seen in public with her because her appearance was commented on. She dressed entirely in black, which was traditionally only worn by men and women in mourning. She was referred to disparagingly as “Gentleman Jack” in Halifax. Mariana and Anne were lovers for several years, including a period during which Mariana was married and to which her husband, Mr Lawton became resigned. Her uncle, the owner of Shibden Hall died, leaving control of the estate and its income to Anne, bypassing her father, but giving his wife, also Anne, use during her lifetime. In addition to income from the agricultural tenancy, Anne’s financial portfolio included properties in town, shares in the canal and railway industries, mining, and stone quarries. Lister used the income from this varied portfolio to finance her two passions, Shibden Hall and European travel. Lister greatly enjoyed travel. She made her first trip to continental Europe in 1819, when she was 28 years old. In 1824 she returned to Paris and stayed until the following year. In 1827, she set out on a tour of northern Italy and Switzerland. Only in 1828 did she return to Shibden Hall. She left Shibden for the continent once more in 1829. With Paris as her base, she visited Belgium and Germany before heading south to the Pyrenees. Here she did hiking as well as crossed the border into Spain. Whilst there she demonstrated both her strong adventurous streak and considerable physical fitness by ascending Monte Perdido, the third highest peak in the Pyrenees. Returning to Shibden Hall in 1831, she found life with her father Jeremy and sister Marian so uncomfortable that she almost immediately left again, visiting the Netherlands for a short trip with Mariana Lawton. All in all, between 1826 and 1832, she only spent a few weeks at Shibden Hall, with travels around Britain and Europe. Although Lister had met her on various occasions in the 1820’s, neighbour Ann Walker in 1832 took on a much more substantial role in Lister’s life. Eventually the women took communion together on Easter Sunday 1834 in Holy

The only known portait of Anne Lister. Painted c1830 by Joshua Horner Trinity Church, Goodramgate, York, and thereafter considered themselves married. The church has been described as “an icon for what is interpreted as the site of the first lesbian marriage to be held in Britain”, and the building now hosts a commemorative blue plaque. In 1834 she again visited France and Switzerland, this time for her honeymoon with Ann Walker. Returning with Ann in 1838, she again headed south to the Pyrenees and completed the first “official” ascent of the Vignemale, the highest peak in the French Pyrenees. This required a ten hour hike to reach the top, and another seven to descend. The couple lived together at Shibden Hall until Lister’s death in 1840. Walker’s fortune was used to improve Shibden Hall and the property’s waterfall and lake. Lister renovated Shibden Hall quite significantly to her own design. In 1838, she added a Gothic tower to the main house, to serve as her private library. She also had a tunnel dug under the building which allowed the staff to move about without disturbing her. Their last and greatest trip began in 1839. Leaving with Ann Walker and two servants, they traveled in their own carriage through France, Denmark, Sweden and Russia, arriving in St Petersburg in September and in Moscow in October. With a reluctant Ann Walker in tow, she left Moscow in February 1840 in a new Russian carriage and very warm clothing. They traveled south, along the frozen Volga river, to the Caucasus. Few West Europeans had visited this area, let alone 58

West European women, in part because of unrest amongst the local population against the Tsarist regime and at times they needed a military escort. The two women were a source of great curiosity to the people they visited. As Anne noted in her diary, "The people coming in to look at us as if we were some strange animals such as they had not seen the like before". Anne Lister died on 22 September 1840 aged 49 of a fever at Koutais (now Kutaisi in Georgia). Her body was embalmed and taken back to Halifax, where she was buried in the parish church. In her will, Lister's estate was left to her paternal cousins, but Ann Walker was given a life interest. We only know most of this, and all the private detail because beginning in 1806 , Anne wrote a diary, recording in secret code parcels sent to and from Eliza Raine, starting on scraps of paper and ending as twenty-six quarto volumes, only ending at her death in 1840. In addition to her handwriting being incredibly difficult to decipher, around one-sixth of the diary is encrypted in a simple code Eliza and she had devised, combining the Greek alphabet, zodiac, punctuation, and mathematical symbols and it describes in great detail her lesbian identity and affairs, as well as the methods she used for seduction. Not all of the coded sections are about her sex life, she used it for any thoughts she regarded as private. The diaries also contain her thoughts on the weather, social events, national events, local people and society and business interests. The majority of her diary deals with her daily life, and not merely her sexuality, and provides detailed information on social, political, and economic events of the time. The code used in her diaries was deciphered by the last inhabitant of Shibden Hall, John Lister (1847–1933) and a friend of his, Arthur Burrell. When the content of the secret passages

was revealed, Burrell advised John Lister to burn all the diaries. Fortunately Lister did not take this advice, but instead continued to hide Anne Lister's diaries behind a panel at Shibden Hall. They were re-discovered in the 1930s and lodged with Calderdale Archives. And there matters might have rested, but along came Helena Whitbread. She grew up in Anne Lister’s Halifax. Due to ill health, she dropped out of school at age of thirteen and never pursued further education until the age of thirty-five. After graduating from university at the age of fiftytwo, Helena began to look for a research project. She was familiar with the Shibden and knew of a few stories about Anne Lister, a woman who had owned the property in the mid-nineteenth century. She decided to write a short paper about Anne’s letters. In 1983 Helena discovered the diaries. At that time she was completely unaware of the journals’ explosive contents. Gradually, by painstakingly decoding each and every word of Anne’s crypt hand, Helena discovered the truth of Anne’s lesbian sexuality, as well as Anne’s views on men, money, business, and the society in which she lived. The word ‘lesbian’ did not exist, therefore she was left to introspect and come to terms with her identity, which she did in a most impressive way. Helena quickly realised that this story was important; it painted a completely different picture than the women in other popular and classic English novels of the time, including Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters. Helena saw Anne for what she was: a revolutionary in her time for women’s roles, appearances and behaviour. Anne was bold, fiercely independent, a landowner, industrialist, traveler – and lesbian. Helena decided to share Anne’s story with the world. She published the first volume of Anne’s journals in 1988, entitled I Know My Own Heart.

Helena Whitbread

Shibden Hall today, with the Gothic tower built by Anne in 1838 59

A second volume, No Priest But Love, covering Anne Lister’s life from 18241826 in 1993. Their graphic nature meant at first they were believed by some to be a hoax, but documentary evidence has since established their authenticity. Her final book, The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister, covers Anne Lister’s life from 1816-1824.

Concluded from page 27... Of the latter, the depictions of the atrocities of the Napoleonic Peninsular war are notable (see The Third of May 1808) although only briefly considered. Brace yourself; the viewer of this film is in danger of being overwhelmed by the experience. Rather than pick a representative sample and giving a contemplative coverage or analysis of each work, we hurtle through the collections at a rate of better than one painting a minute. The result is an illustrated history of six centuries of Spanish aristocracy and its culture. Personally I like to take my visits to a gallery at a quiet amble. Jeremy Irons does a fine job of holding it all together but there is a feeling of exhaustion Andrew Garfield and Riley Keough in Under the Silver Lake as well as of exhilaration. The Prado Museum will have five Concluded from page 56 ... screenings at the Luna Essex and Leederville from July 13th to The rates were last set by Centrelink way back in 2015 when the 16th. Also watch out for three other productions: Art and official rates were at 2.25 percent, more than twice as high as Mind (27-30 July), Young Picasso (3 August) and Rembrandt (28 they are now. September). These films of the world’s great art collections are Ian Henschke, chief advocate for National Seniors highly recommended. Australia, says older Australians now face “a hidden tax”. ~oOo~ Older Australians are being penalised by Centrelink when they hold the majority of their investments in low return bank Film: Under the Silver Lake deposits. Director: David Robert Mitchell In other words, if pensioners have money in low return bank Reviewer: Sharryn Attwood deposits, they are being assessed at a rate that is much too high, reducing their fortnightly age pension. Weird, weird, weird “It’s time to review the (deeming) rates,” says Professor Billed as a delirious neo-noir fever Deborah Ralston, chair of the Self-Managed Super Fund dream about one man’s search for the truth Association. behind the mysterious crimes, murder and disappearances in “The government did so in the wake of the GFC and now is his East LA neighbourhood; Under The Silver Lake starts of in a the time to do it again.” rather routine way – slacker avoids mother and employment – While there are a number of alternative share and property ex-girlfriend pops in – landlord demands overdue rent. investments paying higher levels of income, these options are Life seems odd yet directionless for Sam. not always appropriate for elderly investors wanting to reduce That is all about to change however as Sam (Andrew their capital risk. Garfield) becomes obsessed with uncovering the truth behind Among the suggestions to review the system is the concept his neighbour’s disappearance. of an independent body that would set deeming rates rather Sarah (Riley Keough) loved to swim in the apartment than the government, which sets them under a non-transparent complex pool – and you get the feeling she also loved to be system. watched – with Sam all too eager to oblige. They have one night There have also been calls to “peg” the deeming rate to the of getting to know each other before he wakes to find her gone, official cash rate to make the system fairer. along with any trace she was ever there. For investors in higher risk assets, such as shares, the Sam attempts to join the dots in an almost maniacal way, deeming rates are not a problem with total share returns on the discovering and uncovering how the seemingly random turn of ASX over the year to June at more than 11 percent. events he is presented with start to fit together. However, for conservative investors, the 12 Month Account I was left a little shell shocked at the end of this rather available through Roxburgh Securities, paying up to 5.2% per long and meandering journey – wondering what was real and annum, can help solve this deeming problem. what Sam had imagined. I also felt somewhat irritated at the Courtesy of Roxburgh Securities realisation that so many questions remained unanswered. It is this open endedness DISCLAIMER though that I feel will see The information in this publication is of a general nature. Under The Silver Lake The articles contained herein are not intended to provide a achieve a cult like status complete discussion on each subject and or issues canvassed. with conspiracy theorists Swan Magazine does not accept any liability for any statements for years to come. or any opinion, or for any errors or omissions contained herein. 60

Concluded from page 10... For more information see www.facebook.com/ LionsinEllenbrook/ or email secretaryellenbrooklions@gmail. com. Seniors Social Space Seniors Social Space is run by seniors for seniors and is a safe and welcoming place for seniors to meet. Seniors Social Space host a variety of workshops including photography, cooking, arts and crafts and maintenance interests. They also arrange for guest speakers from local clubs, groups and many areas of interest to come along to their meetings. They recently ran a Cancer Council’s Biggest Morning Tea raising $1,211 to support the cause. What a brilliant effort! To join in the fun, email seniorssocialspace@live.com.au. Zonta Club of Swan Hills Zonta Club of Swan Hills make breast cushions for women with breast cancer, support women refuges, assist Midland Women’s Health Care place and provide support to Zonta Foundations international projects. The club meets the third Wednesday of every month and hosts some fascinating guest speakers. To find out more see www.facebook.com/www. zontaswanhills.org.au/ or email zonta@zontaswanhills.org.au. RSLs – Bullsbrook, Chidlow and Ellenbrook Our local RSLs do a great job support supporting our serving and ex-serving members of the Australian Defence Force. They run touching memorial services annually for ANZAC Day and Remembrance Day. Thank you to all our RSL members for your service. Find your closest RSL branch via www.rslwa.org.au. Ellenbrook and District Men’s Shed The Men’s Shed provides a friendly and welcoming place where men can work on meaningful projects at their own pace in the company of other like-minded men. Our local Men’s Shed sell some great products. I encourage you to check out their Facebook page www.facebook.com/Ellenbrook-and-DistrictsMens-Shed-2161070290848203/ or email ellmenshd@outlook. com. Rumour has it that a Shelia’s Shed is on the way! Rotary Ellenbrook The Ellenbrook Rotary mission is to help the local community and to have much fun as possible. Their focus is on community projects, helping families, youth and seniors of Ellenbrook and immediate surrounding areas. I recently had the pleasure of attending lunch with Ellenbrook Rotary to hear about some of their current projects. I’m so pleased to support this group and all of the amazing work they do for our community! Email mail@ellenbrookrotary.com or check out their Facebook page www.facebook.com/ellenbrookrotary/. CWA Bullsbrook and Districts Branch The Country Women’s Association (CWA) aims to improve the wellbeing of all people, especially those in country areas, by promoting courtesy, cooperation, community effort, ethical standards and the wise use of resources. The Bullsbrook and Districts Branch focuses on community service, learning, friendship and fundraising for CWA causes. The lovely ladies at CWA Bullsbrook and Districts recently undertook a collection of items for emergency back packs for kids in crisis care with a stall at Ellenbrook Central. Thank you CWA for the work you do and to all of those who donated to their backpack drive! If you’d like to know more about the Bullsbrook CWA see their Facebook page www.facebook.com/CWABULLSBROOK/ or email

cwabullsbrookanddistpresident@gmail.com. Ellenbrook Community Collective We are lucky to have the wonderful Ellenbrook Community Collective, a local not for profit volunteer organisation supporting our local Ellenbrook and Aveley communities. They host some great fun local community events such as the Aveley Community Festival and my personal favourite, Christmas in Elfenbrook. This year’s Elfenbook will be held on Saturday, 14 December. Make sure you save the date! Check out the Ellenbrook Community Collective’s Facebook page www. facebook.com/ellenbrookcommunitycollective/ for other community events. These are just some of the groups I have the great privilege to work with, as your local MP. There are so many fantastic groups out there looking out for our community. I encourage you to get in touch with these groups and get involved! As always, please don’t hesitate to contact my office if I can be of any assistance! Concluded from page 49 ... To the best of my knowledge this is the first time a plastic white chair has been globally reprimanded for simply staying still and doing his job. But I digress. Back to the football. As I read on about other AFL cases heard around that time, it was interesting to note that Fremantle player Michael Walters was given a one-game ban for allegedly headbutting Jay Lockhart. Walters, had to wait thirty minutes for his hearing to start due to inadequate video-link facilities at the Dockers' headquarters. The hearing finally went ahead when an AFL staffer's mobile phone was switched to speakerphone and balanced in the middle of the tribunal room. I wonder what it was balanced on. A sturdy plastic white chair perhaps? Here’s hoping our much-lambasted little chair doesn’t have any cousins working at the AFL tribunal or we could be in for an interesting time. For more information about Plastic Free July go to www. plasticfreejuly.org 61

PHOTOGRAPHS: ABBY MURRAY PHOTOGRAPHY

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COMPANIONSHIP! This gorgeous old boy’s dream is a home where he gets to spend lots of time with his Loved One/s - whether that’s lying around inside, going for walks, or sitting outside at a cafe. He still has lots of energy and loves an outing. An active semi-retired person or someone who works from home would be perfect for him. He’s such a clever boy and would even be up for learning new tricks. When he’s out on the town, he pretty much ignores other dogs, but he really doesn’t want to share his loved one at home with them - or children, or cats and at his age, why would you? Jasper is 9 years old, desexed, microchipped and up to date with vaccination. If left on his own, or left outside and not included as part of his family, he gets lonely and anxious and will try to escape.

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Eyes Like Jewels

Saving Animals From Euthanasia Inc (SAFE) is an animal rescue organisation that has saved and rehomed more than 23,000 homeless animals since its beginnings in 2003. It has grown to be WA’s largest volunteer-based animal rehoming organisation using foster care instead of cages. SAFE has 12 branches state-wide. In 2018 it was the national winner “Outstanding Rescue Group” in the Jetpets Companion Animal Rescue Awards. SAFE is the Western Australian arm of Animal Welfare League Australia (AWLA). FOSTER CARE means animals live the lives of normal pets, with no time limits, enjoying love in their place of care, and socialisation in the home and community. Their carers’ knowledge of how they respond to different situations means SAFE can make a great match. Would you like to help animals on their journey to a new life? To become a foster carer, the first step is to contact our SAFE Avon Valley branch on 0409 000 259 or our Perth-based branch, SAFE Metro on 0475 346 545 or 0448 893 033. VOLUNTEER: https://safe.org.au/volunteer/

DONATE: https://safe.org.au/donate 62

ADOPT: https://safe.org.au/find-a-pet/

COMMUNITY he Compassionate Friends of Western Australia Tregardless strives to support families who have lost a child, of that child’s age throughout WA.

We are a non-profit, non-government funded charity that provide peer call support, group meetings, a drop in centre, sending out quarterly newsletters, Anniversary Cards, we hold Walk of remembrance and a candlelight service (non-religious) at Christmas. We are run by volunteers and bereaved parents that are further along in their grief and wish to help others who have suffered this tragedy. Although everybody’s grief is different it helps to talk to someone who has actually had this tragedy happen to them. They WON”T say “I know how you feel” as no one can, but they will say “I don’t know exactly what you are feeling but this is how I felt when my child died”.

WALK OF REMEMBRANCE HELD IN MARCH EACH YEAR Events like these above give the bereaved some hope of a life after the death of their child. They connect with others that have been through the same tragic experience. In doing so its helps them to feel that they are not alone in their grief, that there is a worldwide connection to other suffering the same. DONATIONS Donations allow us to purchase stamps so we can send our booklets and other information to the newly bereaved, community groups, doctors surgeries and hospital throughout Western Australia. They help us cover advertising cost in newspapers throughout Western Australia, pay for our office and utilities allowing us to have Peer Support Workers come in and contact to bereaved that wish to have contact. The Compassionate Friends of WA Inc. receives no Government funding in any way.

We raise funds by holding events, charity drives and donation from our members and outside bodies. Although this is fantastic, we still struggle with the cost of keeping our doors open so any suggestion on fundraising or donations are gratefully accepted. VOLUNTEERS NEEDED We are always looking for volunteers to help man Sausage Sizzles, Charity Shopping Centre Drives and other events along with peer support volunteers (bereaved parents) for telephone support and group meeting facilitation.

54 Simpson Street, Ardross 6107 6257

who owes his or her position to political deals with the Prime Minister of the day who got him/her the numbers would not be as independent. Such a head of state would rightly feel some obligation towards and be slightly beholden to those who voted for them. They would likely not be as rigorous in strictly upholding the constitution if it will thwart their sponsors plans. Australians see this every day in the conduct of some earlier Speakers of the House of Representatives. The Speaker is supposed to be independent and impartial but the reality is always subtly different. I cannot think of a better example to highlight to Australians the danger inherent in any move to a republic with a politician as head of state and to reject any push for a republic. While you did not intend it, your conduct as PM in your last days and hours has immeasurably strengthened the case for keeping our current constitutional arrangements. You are truly an â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Elizabethanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. Yours sincerely, Philip Benwell National Chair Australian Monarchist League

An Open Letter to Malcolm Turnbull Dear Mr Turnbull, I would like to pass onto you the eternal gratitude of The Australian Monarchists League for the work you personally did as PM in your last days in office to strengthen the role of our Governor General in our constitution. You will go down in history as the republican leader whose conduct in office as his leadership crumbled did more damage to the cause of a republic than any other! While the presence of the independent office of Governor General was a frustration to you at the time and thwarted your partisan manoeuvring to beat your challenger it did prevent a constitutional crisis with the nation finishing up without a Prime Minister. The Governor General was not in the room but his independent power was very present and even in his absence he was the watchdog that ensured all constitutional requirements were strictly adhered to, most probably much to your chagrin. Australians will readily appreciate that a head of state

THE WATCHDOG NOT IN THE ROOM PHILIP BENWELL

t is interesting to note the part that the Governor-General played in ensuring that constitutional lines were not crossed. It is not that he was actively involved or indeed may not even have known anything about his name being used in the Turnbull discussions, it was the fact that, as representative of the Queen, everyone involved knew that there was no way that he could ever be a party to the intrigues of the prime minister. Convention decrees that the Governor-General must accept the advice of the prime minister, but that is only if that advice accords to the constitution and its conventions and precedents. There has been comment that the Governor-General is merely a cipher. The events surrounding the manoeuvrings of Malcolm Turnbull, firstly in attempting to save his prime ministership and secondly to block Peter Dutton is proof that the Governor-General is anything but. As executive head of state he is the guardian of the constitution and acts always in the interests of the people, never, ever in the personal interests of the Prime Minister. If we had become a republic in 1999 and if the president came from the same faction as Malcolm Turnbull ('a mate for head of state'), the end result could have been far different and would most likely have resulted in a constitutional crisis. The revelations over the Turnbull machinations have actually served to strengthen the position of the GovernorGeneral and our unique system of constitutional monarchy.

His Excellency General the Honourable Sir Peter Cosgrove AK, MC 64

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