Ben Kimmel

Recovery Stories of New York A project dedicated to those in long-term recovery from opioid addiction

RECOVERY STORIES OF NEW YORK

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About the project Recovery Stories of New York is an undergraduate graphic design thesis project that features five individuals from New York State who are currently in long term recovery from opioid addiction. These stories show that recovery is possible and serve to inspire others out there who have experienced opioid addiction or those who may know someone who is experiencing addiction to opioids.

Stories were gathered in Fall 2020. recoverystoriesofnewyork.com Special thank you to those who have helped me through this project: Jaclyn Cirello College Prevention Coordinator, SUNY New Paltz

Marianna Horowitz Senior Project Coordinator, Faces & Voices of Recovery

Phoenix Kawamoto New Paltz Community Education Coordinator

Jillian Nadiak Community Engagement Coordinator and Technical Assistance Specialist, Ulster County Deptartment of Health HEALing Communities Division/Opioid Prevention

Dr. Adam Stephens Assistant Professor, Psychology, SUNY New Paltz

Note Ben first contacted me on Facebook in fall 2020. He told me that he was a member of the recovery world for 30 years and noted he was a life coach. He shared a video interview he had done in the past to make sure he was a good fit for the project as well as his blog (thewrittenaddiction.com). I was completely inspired by his words and I could feel how deeply he cared about helping others. His story reminded me of my brother’s in many ways and I knew Ben had to be a part of this project.

I also had the chance to speak with Ben over the phone about my project and he was incredibly enthusiastic and so excited about sharing his story. It was almost like talking to a family member because of how sincere the conversation was. I am incredibly grateful that Ben found my project and shared his recovery journey.

Ben Kimmel 29 YEARS & 7 MONTHS IN RECOVERY 48 | ROCKLAND COUNTY, NY

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I was exposed to opioids through street use.

I thought this was all a good idea, like I was some kind of tough guy or cool. I knew about cocaine and crack, but when the coke ran out and my nerves wouldn’t stop, someone told me, “Hey, you should try this” and she gave me a bag of dope. I found out about my addiction pretty fast when I thought I could just stop. It was a good idea at the time. Then it became a chase to keep the high. Then it became a job just to keep from being sick. I never thought I would go through withdrawals. I never thought any of the stories I heard would ever happen to me.

But I was wrong.

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When I was a small kid, I was picked on. I had this thing called depression, but I never really knew what that meant. I had problems in school. I couldn’t do the work like other kids.

I always thought there was something wrong with me. And maybe there was.

I believe trauma-based circumstances, depression, and developmental delay/ learning disabilities were all factors that contributed to my substance use.

No one ever asked to be the one that gets picked on in class or to the kid that gets picked last. I was always trying to find a way to look cool so I picked the easiest image I could hide behind and it sort of grew from there. I turned into a trouble-maker. Then, I found out about the kids that smoked in the parking lot. Then, I got high and found out that being bad felt pretty good. And that’s just it. I just wanted to feel good.

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BEN KIMMEL

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BEN KIMMEL

I used opioids for around a year before I ended up in the backseat of a police car.

If they never took me away, I don’t know what would have happened. I probably would have just been another statistic like the rest of my friends.

At the time of my arrest, I was around 80lbs. My skin was green. I had dark rings beneath my eyes and there was no way for me to survive in jail.

The courts offered me a shot at treatment instead of prison.

I took it. And that’s what saved my life.

As a condition of my sentence, I was remanded to long term treatment. I was in three different facilities and one by one, I swore I’d just get through so I could get back home. I never thought I would change, but I eventually gave in.

Eventually, I listened and I learned.

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BEN KIMMEL

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I wouldn’t have known what to do if I tried to clean up on my own.

Plus, I never thought I could do it.

The pathways that were most helpful to me in my recovery were inpatient treatment and 12-Step modalities. There were others there that went through similar things. I found out other people felt the same way and had the same problems. They helped me structure a plan and a strategy to achieve my goals and change my life.

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BEN KIMMEL

I have been in recovery for 29 years and 7 months.

I maintain my recovery on a daily basis by using self-help, mindfulness, 12-Step programs, personalized coaching and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) skills. I had to learn different ways to replace thought with action. I needed steps to follow so that I could maintain my life in a way I could understand, otherwise, I’d go back to feeling lost. My recovery has helped me change my way and given me the tools to navigate through everyday life and achieve my best possible potential.

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Some challenges I have faced during my recovery are personal insecurity, depression and suicidal ideation. I have come a long way, but when anxiety gets tough and depression comes along, I have learned to replace thought with action.

I’ve learned how to improve my self-esteem by doing better esteemable acts. I chose to educate myself about mental health and addiction.

I earned different professional credentials to not only help myself, but help others as well.

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BEN KIMMEL

The most influential people in recovery are myself and my family.

Special role models and friends that failed are also influential in my recovery. They have taught me how to live.

I have said goodbye to organized religion, but as an ordained minister, I have learned to find ways to achieve a sense of personal balance. I am certified in hypnosis. I write. I coach and teach. Most importantly, I learned to replace problematic thinking with help-based activity.

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BEN KIMMEL

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BEN KIMMEL

My life has changed in many ways during my recovery. First and foremost, I’m not in jail or dead.

I became a published author. I learned to reach my dreams and achieve my goals.

I became a certified professional life coach, sober coach, peer advocate and I have been flown across the country for my work in the mental health world.

A goal of mine is to build a help-based facility for youngsters that were like me, scared, depressed, and looking to get help and learn how to live in a productive environment.

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Ben’s advice

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BEN KIMMEL

An important lesson I have learned is to not put others on a pedestal.

We are all human.

Also, the toughest lesson I had to learn is that not everyone will survive and that I need to be mindful and grateful for what I have.

To those still experiencing addiction to opioids, there is help out there. Find it. And when you do, hold on tight and don’t give up.

The advice I would give to those in early recovery would be to find your best sources of inspiration. Not everyone is going to fit your style. Look for the people you feel comfortable with, otherwise, you’ll go back to being uncomfortable.

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No one can ever stop you from improving your life.

Resources If you or someone you know would like to reach out for help, here are some resources located in the Hudson Valley.

To access the links on the list, use the QR code on the back of this zine to bring you to the resources website page.

Treatment Resources

ALCOHOLISM AND DRUG ABUSE COUNCIL OF ORANGE COUNTY 224 Main St. Goshen, New York 10924 845.294.9000 www.adacinfo.com/ ARMS ACRES 75 Seminary Hill Road Carmel, New York 10512

ELLENVILLE REGIONAL HOSPITAL 10 Healthy Way Ellenville, New York 12428 845.647.6400 www.erhny.org/ FRIENDS OF NEW YORK 1529 Western Avenue Albany, New York 12203

845.225.3400 www.armsacres.com/

518.487.4395 info@for-ny.org for-ny.org

CATHOLIC CHARITIES

HOPE NOT HANDCUFFS

Sullivan County: 845.794.8080 Orange County: 845.294.1369 www.cccsos.org

833.202.HOPE (4673) www.familiesagainstnarcotics.org/ hopenothandcuffs.

CAPE

ONWARD RECOVERY

807 Route 52 Fishkill New York 12524

319 Broadway, 2nd Floor Newburgh, New York 12550

845.765.8301 www.capedc.org

845.565.1162 ext. 453 onwardrecovery.org

DUTCHESS STABILIZATION CENTER

MID-HUDSON PREVENTION RESOURCE CENTER

230 North Road Poughkeepsie, New York 12601 845.485.9700 www.dutchessny.gov/Departments/ DBCH/24-7-Services.htm

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RESOURCES

224 Main Street Goshen New York 10924 845.294.9000 www.adacinfo.com/programsservices/mid-hudson-preventionresource-center-mhprc

PEOPLE USA 126 Innis Avenue Poughkeepsie, New York 12601 845.452.2728 info@people-usa.org people-usa.org/ SAMADHI: 122 Clinton Avenue Kingston, New York 12401 845.853.8148 https://samadhiny.org/ STEP ONE 1-877.435.7410 info@step1ny.org www.step1ny.org/

RAISING YOUR AWARENESS ABOUT NARCOTICS Facebook.com/ Heroinaddictionawareness DUTCHESS, ORANGE, PUTNAM, ROCKLAND, SULLIVAN, ULSTER & WESTCHESTER hudsonvalleycs.org/hub/ mhadutchess.org/landingpages/ marc-us opiate-detox-dutchesscounty.business.site/?utm_ source=gmb&utm_medium=referral dutchessny.gov/Departments/ DBCH/alcohol-substance-useservices.htm

Other resources in the Hudson Valley

ELLENVILLE. KINGSTON, WOODSTOCK, NEW PALTZ

SAMSHA

MID HUDSON

www.samhsa.gov/find-treatment

midhudsonaddictionrecovery.com

SOBER NATION

POUGHKEEPSIE

sobernation.com/rehabs/hudson-ny

www.midhudsonregional.org/ alcohol-drug-dependency

OASAS NEW YORK STATE

familyofwoodstockinc.org/ emergency-services-hotline-walk-incenters/family-of-new-paltz

oasas.ny.gov/treatment/types

ORANGE COUNTY

RECOVERY RESOURCE HUB

www.recoveryresourcehub.org/ node/63778

www.recoveryresourcehub.org HUDSON VALLEY www.hahv.org/addiction-substanceabuse-services

ULSTER ulstercountyny.gov/continuouslyupdated-treatment-and-recoveryprograms

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COLUMBIA & GREENE COUNTY

Apps

twincountyrecoveryservices.org WESTCHESTER COUNTY aosresourcecenter.com/outpatientrehab-programs/Westchestercounty-NY/care.html

PINKCLOUD I AM SOBER SOBERTIME SOBER TOOL

PUTNAM COUNTY

NOMO

pvcsd.org/community/community_ pdf/Director_of_Putnam_County_ Services.pdf

SIMPLE HABIT

ROCKLAND COUNTY

Blogs

Rocklandgov.com/departments/ mental-health/chemicaldependency-provider-agency-links SULLIVAN COUNTY greenhouserecoverycenter.com/ detox-centers/Sullivan-county-NY/ listing.html

Meeting Resources

I AM

THE WRITTEN ADDICTION thewrittenaddiction.com THE SOBRIETY COLLECTIVE thesobrietycollective.com/blogs-sites SHE RECOVERS sherecovers.org/blog KLEN & SOBR

AA MEETINGS aa.org/ages/en_us/find-local-aa NA MEETINGS na.org/meetingsearch HA MEETINGS heroinanonymous.org/meetings FAMILY & FRIENDS al-anon.org

sincerightnow.com THE TEMPEST thetemper.com THE FIX thefix.com RECOVERY ROCKSTARS recoveryrockstars.com OUR ASCENT ourascent.com

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RESOURCES

Recovery Stories of New York Designed by Nina Guido SUNY New Paltz 2020–2021