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TUESDAY • JUNE 4, 2013




Fourth-year finds own identity thief Joy Crane Senior News Staff

Art Mart Chicago-based artist Joe Smigielski, left, displays his oil paintings in Hyde Park’s 66th annual 57th Street Art Fair last weekend. This year’s fair featured over 200 artists from around the country. SYDNEY COMBS | THE CHICAGO MAROON

After a series of e-mail blasts were sent to UChicago students and faculty in his name last Wednesday, fourth-year Kevin Zhang filed complaints of cyber fraud and identity theft with police. Through his personal blog, Zhang has gone public with the alleged sender of the e-mails, an individual not affiliated with UChicago. The unsolicited e-mails sent last Wednesday, claiming to be from Zhang, a computer science and biological sciences double major, invited students to check out an anonymous posting Web site, In the vein of similar Facebook pages, the site endeavored “to discover the hidden secrets of Uchicago through the anonymous sharing of thoughts,” according to the message sent from Zhang’s e-mail

address. The e-mails, sent from a mailing list through MailChimp, an e-mail marketing service provider, were sent to an unknown number of UChicago-affiliated recipients. Third-year Emily Laackman, who received the e-mail, said, “It’s kind of popping everywhere, the whole idea of trying to get engagement of students, either like UChicago Crushes or Confessions…so I just assumed it was one of those.” The UChicagoAnon Web site is now offline and the mailing list has been disabled by MailChimp. According to his blog, Zhang said he suspects the e-mails to be connected to a previous batch of e-mail blasts delivered on May 26, which invited recipients to submit a written list of achievements for consideration to an alleged UChicago secret society. According to his write-up of the ZHANG continued on page 3

Clothesline Project SFCC plans future after referendum fights for funding Anastasia Kaiser News Staff

Stephanie Xiao Associate News Editor A Student Government (SG) Annual Allocations Committee (AnnAl) decision to deny funding for the UChicago Clothesline Project was met with student outrage and the distribution of an online petition on Sunday night. Though the project can apply for money next year under a different funding body and members of SG said they are likely to receive it, the students associated with the project took issue with AnnAl’s reasoning. The petition, which states, “The University of Chicago student body supports the UChicago Clothesline Project: zero financial support is unacceptable,” has currently attracted more than 750 online signatures out of a target 1,000. Over 100 of these are accompanied by personal messages listing support for the project and sexual assault awareness. The UChicago Clothesline Project, modeled after the National Clothesline Project, was started this year under its parent RSO, Tea Time and Sex

Chats (TTSC), to “allow [sexual assault survivors] to share their stories in a striking, powerful way,” according to the project’s Web site. The Project involved nine T-shirt-making sessions in which artists designed shirts based on anonymous submissions from sexual assault survivors over the course of the past two quarters, culminating in a public art installation in Hutch Courtyard last week. This year’s project received startup funding from Resources for Sexual Violence Prevention, the Center for the Study of Gender and Sexuality, and Assistant Vice President of Student Life and Associate Dean of the College Eleanor Daugherty. When the organizers of the project applied for AnnAl funding for next year, however, they were rejected on the basis that they failed to justify and support the project’s high projected future attendance, according to a response that TTSC received from AnnAl. An appeal was also rejected. Instead, the group was told to apply for Student Government Finance Committee (SGFC) funding CLOTHES continued on page 2

Inside: The Class of 2013 Graduation Issue insert

After students voted in support of its referendum for divestment, Stop Funding Climate Change (SFCC), the primary student group behind the referendum, is authoring a proposal providing more detail on divestment in the

hopes that it will be presented to the administration and the Board of Trustees in the fall. SFCC members hope that the proposal, to be written during the summer, will be considered seriously by the University and the Board of Trustees as a guideline for how divestment can be accomplished. According

SOUL seeks guaranteed jobs Anastasia Kaiser News Staff Despite Executive Director of Campus Dining Richard Mason’s assurances that the majority of Pierce dining staff would be relocated to Bartlett and Cathey Dining Commons next year, students involved with Students Organizing United with Labor (SOUL) have expressed skepticism about the fate of the workers. Mason met with the students in response to a letter they delivered to his office on May 21. According to Mason, UChicago Dining expects

current Pierce workers, who are employed by Aramark, the food provider for the dining halls, to remain at the University. He partly attributed this to the additional workers needed at Bartlett and Cathey next year when those commons begin to accommodate more students after the demolition of Pierce Tower. “Between those additions and the natural attrition of dining staff that occurs every year, we do not anticipate any layoffs resulting from the closure of Pierce,” he said in a written response to the letter from SOUL. SOUL continued on page 2

to SFCC President and thirdyear Paul Kim, the proposal will contain an argument about why the University should divest, research on the impact of divestment, and a response to concerns about the impact of divestment on the University’s endowment. At a Student Government

Cabinet meeting on May 7, President Zimmer told students in an informal Q&A session that he wanted to see a more concrete argument made in favor of divestment before the administration considered the issue, according to a student present at the CLIMATE continued on page 2

Logan leaks, students evacuated Jonah Rabb Maroon Contributor The Logan Center for the Arts was plagued with water leaks due to torrential rain last week, forcing some students to temporarily vacate the building. Second-year Sasha Ayvazov was watching the dress rehearsal for University Theater’s Merchant of Venice last Tuesday when he and other students were evacuated due to leaks in the building. According to Ayvazov, the leak spread from the terrace to the catwalk of Theater

East, where the rehearsal was being held. The catwalk, where the lighting for the theater is operated, became a potential hazard, forcing students to leave the area, he said. On Saturday, students once again witnessed leaking in the building. Secondyear Manasa Ravi, who performed in Commedia dell’Arte’s The Pirate King this weekend, noticed leaks in the backstage area next to the courtyard. “From what I could see, it was leaking from the ceiling, along columns, and through LOGAN continued on page 2




On convocation: Take your own advice » Page 4

Top five lists for summer » Page 8

From field to Booth, former Arizona Cardinal takes on next challenge » Back Page

Letter: Burqa ban debate in context » Page 6

2012-2013 Athlete Awards » Page 15



Dance groups push for space in new dorm Sindhu Gnanasambandan News Staff Dance groups on campus want to make their mark on the new residence hall. Motivated by a current dearth of dance spaces on campus, Dance Council, a group comprised of representatives from over a dozen UChicago dance groups, started an online petition this February demanding that dance space be added to the building plans for the new North Campus residence hall. The petition has garnered over 400 signatures. The building plans for the new residence hall, currently being formulated, do not dedicate a space to dance practice or performance space, though, according to Katie CallowWright, assistant vice president for campus life and assistant dean in the College, there are plans for other spaces that may be able to double as practice spaces. “Currently, the project includes fitness and recreation rooms, common rooms, lounges, and study spaces. Most are intended to serve multiple functions, including small group rehearsal and even occasional performance by residents involved in dance, theater, and other arts,” she said in an e-mail. The grievances shared by dancers are twofold: not only is

there a lack of space, but dancers also feel the current system for reserving space is inefficient. “There are so many groups who are trying to get the dance spaces like martial arts RSOs and just a plethora of other movement RSOs that have to fight over literally two or three dance spaces,” said second-year Ruchi Mahadeshwar, who has danced in the Raas and Maya dance groups. Second-year Ayushi Shrivastava, who was the dance coordinator for this year’s South Asian Student Association show, said that she had to spend much of her spring break trying to secure much needed space for show rehearsals. Each quarter at the end of eighth week, groups rank Bartlett Hall Art Rehearsal Space, the Ida Noyes dance room, and the lounges in Ida Noyes, and through this lottery application are assigned a space for approximately six hours a week. “There is lots of switching between groups, like some sort of trading system, something the community has been forced to do because the current system isn’t working for us,” Shrivastava said. After not receiving a response to an e-mail she sent to the administration suggesting the idea of a new dance space, fourthyear and Co-President of Dance Council Shir Yehoshua decided to start a petition.

UBallet practices in the Ida Noyes dance room. Dance RSOs on campus are petitioning for an improved dance rehearsal space in the new North Campus residence hall. TIFFANY TAN | THE CHICAGO MAROON

“The problem is that we can voice our concerns, but our timeline is these four years, and their timeline is long term, so we don’t always see change happening,” Yehoshua said. “When we talk to administrators, they are usually extremely supportive and also want to see change, but in the middle levels, nothing has taken effect yet.” Bill Michel, executive director of the Reva and David Logan Center for the Arts, acknowledges that student needs have not yet been met, but emphasized the

progress made in recent years, such as the reparation of the Ida Noyes dance room and the creation of more performance spaces in the Logan Center. “We’re working on developing a system next year for dance RSOs to reserve additional space when they’re preparing for performance,” Michel said. Eleanor Daugherty (A.B. ’97), assistant vice president for student life and associate dean of the college, pointed out that the administration must balance the needs of dancers with those

of hundreds of other RSOs and student groups. But dancers worry that the shortage will worsen, as the student population and the interest shown toward dance has grown. “Now we are sort of able to figure it out, but a couple years down the road, we are going to be in a gridlock,” said thirdyear and Executive Director of UBallet Martha Fahlgren. “There will be a ceiling that we hit where there is just not enough dance space.”

All residential workers at Pierce will be retained, Housing says Vigil will be held Thursday afternoon to SOUL continued from front returns will be rehired is worth Trevor Ferguson wrote in a letter raise awareness about climate change

However, because the workers’ contract is between Aramark and Teamsters Local 743, Pierce dining staff ’s union representative, Mason is not able to guarantee each current Pierce worker a job next year. According to second-year SOUL organizer Miriam Shestack, Mason’s response was not sufficient to settle their concerns. She said the group worries about a higher risk of worker attrition with the closing of Pierce. “We believe that giving workers certainty about their jobs next year by promising that everyone who

more than protecting Aramark from the truly minimal risk of having to potentially hire a few more people than they ideally would have by allowing them to keep the door open for layoffs until the very last minute,” she said in an e-mail. SOUL’s letter asked the University to pressure Aramark to meet with representatives of the union to negotiate the future of Pierce dining staff. Aramark was scheduled to meet with Donnie von Moore, president of the Teamsters Local 743, yesterday. Aramark Associate Vice President

to Mason that the meeting would be held in order to “discuss any miscommunication that occurred and our path forward.” SOUL has received confirmation from the Office of Undergraduate Student Housing that all Pierce residential services and facilities services employees will be retained and moved to different work locations next year. In addition, all permanent staff, including the custodial staff subcontracted with housekeeping contractors DFS and ABM have received confirmation of their future employment with the University.

SGFC chair says Project likely to receive funding next year CLOTHES continued from front

next year. AnnAl, which mainly funds “long-standing or newly-permanent programs,” meets at the end of each year to allocate 60 percent of the total funds given by SG, while SGFC meets weekly to allocate the remaining 40 percent, according to the Office of the Reynolds Club and Student Activities (ORCSA) Web site. There is “no normative difference between the two bodies,” said fourth-year AnnAl and SGFC Chair Jordan Sokoloski, as “they are just instituted to fund different kinds of events.” According to Sokoloski, SGFC funds events “in the advanced planning stages,” while AnnAl finances events “that have been planned before.” “The Clothesline Project had not happened this year by application deadline…and it had not happened in previous years and is thus not a ‘regular

occurring event,’” he wrote in an e-mail. “In addition, Tea Time and Sex Chats expected double as many students in attendance for next year as they had expected for this year, even though this year’s had not occurred. Thus, the committee felt that the RSO was unable to provide sufficient details on the project due to lack of experience with it.” Fourth-year Patty Fernandez, founder of the UChicago Clothesline Project, said that, contrary to Sokoloski’s statements, the Clothesline Project applied for funding to supply only the nine T-shirt making sessions, all of which had occurred by the time of application, and not the installation, with a proposed budget that matched this year’s budget. “This isn’t to demonize SG, but I do think that some of the comments that the AnnAl board made seem to indicate that they hadn’t even read

our appeal because they completely dismissed and didn’t answer some of the points that we made,” she said. Despite the popularity of the petition this year’s decisions are final, Sokoloski said, though the Clothesline Project is likely to receive the funding it needs next year through SGFC. Nonetheless, Fernandez said, she believes the petition has successfully increased awareness and support for sexual assault issues on campus. “I think what it ended up really doing and—I don’t know if we could have really anticipated it—was showcasing how much this campus really wants to support survivors. I think that has been the most important outcome,” Fernandez said. “We want to build a repository of shirts and stories that can keep growing every year so we can keep a record of the survivors in our community and keep supporting them even after they’ve moved on.”

CLIMATE continued from front

meeting who did not wish to be named because the meeting was off-the-record. SFCC is authoring the proposal partly in response to President Zimmer’s concerns, although they have not had any formal communication with the administration or the Board of Trustees. Campaigners for divestment face an uphill battle because, historically, the University has not heeded campaigns urging the administration to divest from controversial businesses. The University did not divest from companies engaged in business with the Sudanese government in 2007 during the genocide in Darfur or from South Africa during apartheid rule in the 1980s. In explaining these decisions, the administration has cited the Kalven Report, a 1967 document espousing the doctrine that the University should remain politically neutral to foster academic freedom. In addition to authoring the proposal, SFCC is planning a vigil in Bartlett Quad this Thursday at 4:45 p.m. in order to raise

awareness about climate change. Students will light 400 candles to call attention to the fact that that the concentration of carbon dioxide in Earth’s atmosphere has reached 400 parts per million (ppm), surpassing the 350 ppm most scientists say is safe for human life. SFCC’s plans for fall quarter includes continued education for students on the issue of climate change and continued student mobilization in support of divestment. “Just because [divestment] is a good idea and it’s something students are behind doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen at the University. We want to show that student support for this issue is not going away,” Kim said. The climate change referendum on this year’s SG ballot read “Should the University shift its investment strategy to account for the environmental impact of oil, gas, and coal used by the companies it invests in?” It received the support of 2,183 students, or 70 percent of those who voted on the issue.

Logan ceiling to be repaired for damage incurred by multiple leaks last week LOGAN continued from front

lights and sprinklers,” she said. “At one point, it stopped raining outside, but you couldn’t hear a difference because it was leaking inside just as hard as it had been raining outside.” Facilities Services Communication Strategy Manager Amy Lee said that the drainage issues on the third floor terrace, including some damage to the

ceiling, are being addressed. “Facilities Services continues to investigate the cause of the leak impacting the lobby and mezzanine. We have taken interim steps to minimize the impact of a re-occurrence,” she said in an e-mail. The Logan Center for the Arts was constructed between spring 2010 and spring 2012 and officially opened last October.



Farmers market on 61st an oasis in a food desert Sindhu Gnanasambandan News Staff In an area otherwise served by fast food restaurants and convenience stores, the Farmers Market at East 61st Street and South Dorchester Avenue seeks to create easy access to fresh, regionally sourced food and produce. Experimental Station, a nonprofit which also runs Blackstone Bicycle Works and other community programs, started the Market in 2008 in response to a study which listed Woodlawn as one of 23 Chicago food deserts, defined as districts with extremely limited access to healthy food. According to the study, 50 years of economic divestment in Woodlawn and a lack of proper leadership and

planning turned the once bustling commercial district into one that no longer attracts supermarket chains or small businesses, contributing to an extremely high rate of diabetes and other health problems for Woodlawn residents. Market manager Danny Burke explained how the Market, which only sells food from farms in Illinois, Indiana, Michigan, and Wisconsin, addresses an array of problems afflicting both the South Side and much of the world. “I was always turned off that [the environmental movement] was a largely white and upper middle class movement, and so I got interested in the social justice aspect of environmentalism and looking at access disparities,” he said. “When I was doing community assessments, one of

the guys tending his tomatoes told me, ‘It’s real bullshit when, in most communities in America, it is easier to get a gun than it is to get a tomato.’” According to Burke, this mentality accurately reflects problems of food access and hunger in America. “If all you can walk to is your corner store and it has cheap candy, pop, and Twinkies, there is not a choice there to eat healthy, even if you wanted to. You don’t have a car, and maybe the only way to get to a supermarket outside of the community is to take three bus routes,” he said. While Experimental Station promotes the Market on campus at Wellapalooza and other health-related events, fourthyear Adriana Urdaneta, a student

intern at the Market, feels that a lack of awareness among students remains. “The number one factor I get for why people haven’t gone is that they didn’t know it existed, and I’ve tried to address that a little in outreach,” she said. But, she added, the Market’s obscurity to students may not be so terrible. “I definitely think that it could have a bigger presence on campus, but it’s important to keep in mind that the Market is there to serve the residents of Woodlawn, not just the University of Chicago,” Urdaneta said. Echoing her sentiment, Burke said, “[University members] are great neighbors in terms of really involved faculty and students coming to the Market, but we want

to try really hard not to make it be a University of Chicago Farmers Market.” Though students have requested that the Market be run in the quad area, Burke emphasized that the current location is key to the Market’s identity. “Just seeing two people from different walks of life buy the same spinach and talk about how good it tastes—that’s my favorite part of it. It’s really a community event,” he said. “When you are surrounded by a lot of violence in the South Side, to see that and to see the huge positive aspect of the South Side in the midst of all the negativity you see on the news is what’s so great.” The Farmer’s Market is open every Saturday from mid-May through mid-December.

Students to relaunch SRIC campaign by meeting with CIO Marina Fang News Editor UChicago Students for a Socially Responsible Investment Committee (SRIC), a group which urges the University to create a committee of students, faculty, and alumni to advise on the University’s investments, has scheduled a meeting with Chief Investment Officer Mark Schmid for next Wednesday. In April 2011, students voted overwhelmingly in favor of the creation of such a committee in an SG referendum. But administrators, including Schmid and University President Robert Zimmer, have opposed it on the grounds that it violates the Kalven Report, the University’s statement of ideological neutrality. According to third-year Grace Pai, one of the students heavily involved in the campaign, the meeting is meant to re-engage administrators on the issue. However, students will also bring up new proposals at the meeting that they hope could serve as stepping stones for encouraging

more socially-conscious investment. One such proposal is the creation of a Social Choice Fund, modeled on similar funds at Harvard and Brown. Pai said this would involve setting aside a portion of the University’s endowment to which alumni could contribute and which “would adhere [to] environmental, social, corporate governance concerns.” “It would be a way to engage alumni who care about socially responsible investment, who are wary of how the money they donate to the University is used. Currently, there are no ways for alumni to do that,” she said. “We see it as an opportunity to really expand the ways in which the University can both reach alumni and…people who want to be able to support the University. I mean, I’ve had a great experience here. I want to be able to support the University, but I don’t want to do it in a way that is inconsistent with my values.” The Social Choice Fund is one of six proposals the students plan to bring up, according to

Pai. Others include increasing transparency on what investments are made and holding annual meetings between the Investment Committee and interested student groups like the Student Government Finance Committee – proposals the students consider “small asks.” “Having an annual meeting would be a positive step, making it so that info is shared easily.… These are things that are relatively straightforward,” said fourthyear Michaeljit Sandhu, another student involved in the campaign. Sandhu said they anticipate objection from Schmid on the Social Choice Fund, as it faced long administrative debates before it was implemented at Harvard and Brown, but plan to gauge how receptive he is to the idea. “We think there’re going to be push back from it, but we don’t think there’s anything negative about this. In the meeting with Mark, we’re just trying to get a sense of how he feels.” However, they are prepared to address potential objections during the meeting, such as

financial considerations. “[The Fund] doesn’t have enormous risk because it’s not the whole endowment, and there’s not a whole lot of volatility associated with the Social Choice Fund,” he said. Sandhu also believes that the fund would not violate the Kalven Report because it only involves alumni rather than the University as a whole. He added that Assistant Vice President for Alumni Relations Damon Cates expressed enthusiasm when the students met with him, and they plan to work with him to engage alumni. According to Sandhu, the meeting emerged from the petitions delivered to administrators by UChicago Climate Action Network and Stop Funding Climate Change (SFCC) during winter quarter of this year. The students worked with Assistant Vice President for Student Life and Associate Dean of the College Eleanor Daugherty (A.B. ’97) and SG Vice President for Administration Douglas Everson to facilitate the meeting with Schmid, though it was

continually delayed. Sandhu said he was not sure of the cause of the delays. Pai said she hopes to collaborate with SFCC to further promote awareness of investment issues, particularly given the recent referendum in support of climate change divestment. “I think the referendum is a testament to the continuing interest in socially responsible investment,” she said. “They can support us, and we can support them, even though we’re not seeking divestment as our root.” As a graduating fourth-year, Sandhu is confident that the SRIC campaign will live on, since it was part of the Impact Slate’s platform. “[Incoming Vice President for Administration and second-year] Sofia Flores attended one of our meetings, and the new Undergraduate Liaison to the Board of Trustees and second-year Brendan Leonard was involved in the campaign in the fall and in the winter, so we’re anticipating that it will continue.” —Additional reporting by Ankit Jain

Zhang: “I caught a lucky break” in tracking down the person who allegedly sent e-mails under his name ZHANG continued from front

Fourth-year Kevin Zhang recently had his identity stolen. FRANK YAN | THE CHICAGO MAROON

investigation, available on his blog, Zhang traced the e-mails to a Dartmouth student, who currently seems unaffiliated with the University. Zhang said he was able to figure out the identity of the alleged sender by crossreferencing the domain name with the records of an associated Web site. Tracking down the sender took “less than an hour,” he said. “I caught a lucky break, sort of,” he said. According to Zhang’s account of the incident, the e-mail blasts were sent in retaliation to critical comments he made about UChicagoAnon on posts advertising the Web site

in various UChicago Facebook groups. “I posted comments about the severely flawed nature of the site…and for the next week or so, I didn’t think much of the site,” Zhang said on his blog. “Whoever created UChicagoAnon apparently got very butthurt about my comments, and instead of taking them constructively he/she decided to retaliate, in the form of a criminal act.” Zhang’s case has been filed with multiple law enforcement agencies, including the University of Chicago Police Department (UCPD), the Chicago Police Department, the East Brunswick Police Department in East

Brunswick, New Jersey, where the alleged sender of the e-mail is from, and the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). While the UCPD cannot speak about individual cases, UCPD spokesperson Robert Mason did confirm that the victim of the reported incident has been contacted by UCPD Investigative Services Bureau. Zhang also reported the incident to Dean of Students in the College Susan Art. While she said she was unable to speak to the particulars of any student case, she stated that internal disciplinary proceedings and a University investigation require that both the

victim and the accused of a cybercrime be two University of Chicago students. Despite the incident, Zhang does not see the University as especially vulnerable to cybercrime, pointing to the inherent difficulties of multijurisdictional cyber fraud. “I would say that we don’t have any more or less tools than any other institution to combat cybercrime. For example, our directory server is public: if you type in a name, it will give you information,” he said. “That can obviously be exploited for sinister purposes. So that’s one thing, that people are really starting to realize now is that it’s possible.”


Editorial & Op-Ed JUNE 4, 2013

In case you missed it The Editorial Board reflects on the notable news stories of the past year The student newspaper of the University of Chicago since 1892 REBECCA GUTERMAN Editor-in-Chief SAM LEVINE Editor-in-Chief EMILY WANG Managing Editor DOUGLAS EVERSON, JR Senior Editor JAMIE MANLEY Senior Editor MATTHEW SCHAEFER Senior Editor CELIA BEVER News Editor MARINA FANG News Editor MADHU SRIKANTHA News Editor JENNIFER STANDISH News Editor AJAY BATRA Viewpoints Editor KRISTIN LIN Viewpoints Editor EMMA THURBER STONE Viewpoints Editor EMMA BRODER Arts Editor ALICE BUCKNELL Arts Editor DANIEL RIVERA Arts Editor VICENTE FERNANDEZ Sports Editor SARAH LANGS Sports Editor JAKE WALERIUS Sports Editor HYEONG-SUN CHO Head Designer SONIA DHAWAN Head Designer KEVIN WANG Online Editor ALICE BLACKWOOD Head Copy Editor ALAN HASSLER Head Copy Editor JEN XIA Head Copy Editor

Wow. What a year it’s been. Several big stories have consumed campus over these past three quarters. Before you start your summer, we thought we’d remind you of the year’s most memorable moments—with some overlooked details. 1. Bartlett failed a city health inspection after mouse droppings were found in food preparation areas. Rumors that the droppings were planted by students in a ploy for extra Maroon Dollars remain unconfirmed. 2. Three people were caught on “a restricted area” of the roof of Pierce early Sunday morning and the UCPD referred the case. To whom? Spiderman? 3. Prolific namesake Arley D. Cathey (Ph.B. ’50) met with students in his eponymous house fall quarter. His pocket label maker was confiscated upon arrival. 4. The Institute of Politics

(IOP) completed its first full academic year of programming. Incidence of students looking sweaty and awkward in suits rose 200 percent. 5. The Committee on Dissent and Protest held an open meeting and four out of its six members decided not to show. In protest? 6. Stony Island continued its run as UChicago’s best kept secret for Maroons looking for a fun destination off the mainland. 7. The University brought back the mysterious position of Dean of Students in the University to assist Karen Warren Coleman, who is Vice President for Campus Life and Student Services. It’s a wonder how administrators keep all these titles straight without a full-time Associate Vice President for Nominal Allocation and Liaison for Student Titular Comprehension and Dean of Dean Administration in the College.

8. Soledad O’Brien. 9. IOP Director David Axelrod (A.B. ’76) shaved his mustache. He and Dean Boyer are no longer on speaking terms. 10. A sinkhole on University Avenue has been expanding over the past several weeks. The Editorial Board lauds this long overdue response to persistent student demand for an abyss in which to hurl defunct syllabi and hated textbooks. 11. CAPS was renamed Career Advancement. Administrators are in talks to institute a new Career Search and Rescue program for students who had to be left behind on the steeper job treks. 12. Politically Incorrect Maroon Confessions exposed students’ complete ignorance of what “politically incorrect” means. 13. The University eliminated P.E. and swim requirements for

graduation. In response to the news, a gaggle of fourth-years reportedly got very excited, but failed in several attempts to jump up out of their chairs. 14. Nelly headlined Summer Breeze. 15. In a series of unrelated incidents, several Northwestern students awoke from feverish nightmares in which Nelly headlined Dillo Day. 16. The University Web site won a Webby award. The Chicago Career Connection Web site was not nominated because it did not load in time. 17. The Reg extended its weekend hours. There is now one more place where you can be carded for your UCID at 11 on a Saturday night.

The Editorial Board consists of the Editors-in-Chief and the Viewpoints Editors.

BEN ZIGTERMAN Head Copy Editor SYDNEY COMBS Photo Editor TIFFANY TAN Photo Editor COLIN BRADLEY Grey City Editor JOY CRANE Grey City Editor THOMAS CHOI Assoc. News Editor ALEX HAYS Assoc. News Editor ANKIT JAIN Assoc. News Editor

After hours A morning person hopes to understand the darkness of the night

HARINI JAGANATHAN Assoc. News Editor STEPHANIE XIAO Assoc. News Editor ELEANOR HYUN Assoc. Viewpoints Editor LIAM LEDDY Assoc. Viewpoints Editor WILL DART Assoc. Arts Editor LAUREN GURLEY Assoc. Arts Editor TATIANA FIELDS Assoc. Sports Editor SAM ZACHER Assoc. Sports Editor JULIA REINITZ Assoc. Photo Editor FRANK YAN Assoc. Photo Editor TYRONALD JORDAN Business Manager TAMER BARSBAY Undergraduate Business Executive QUERIDA Y. QIU External Director of Marketing IVY ZHANG Internal Director of Marketing VINCENT MCGILL Delivery Coordinator ANDREW GREEN Designer SNEHA KASUGANTI Designer JONAH RABB Designer NICHOLAS ROUSE Designer KEN ARMSTRONG Copy Editor KRYSTEN BRAY Copy Editor CONNOR CUNNINGHAM Copy Editor LISA FAN Copy Editor NISHANTH IYENGAR Copy Editor CECILIA JIANG Copy Editor MICHELLE LEE Copy Editor CHELSEA LEU Copy Editor KATIE LEU Copy Editor CARYSSA LIM Copy Editor KATARINA MENTZELOPOULOS Copy Editor JONAH RABB Copy Editor HEIDI SIEGRIST Copy Editor LINDSEY SIMON Copy Editor RUNNAN YANG Copy Editor ESTHER YU Copy Editor The Chicago Maroon is published twice weekly during autumn, winter, and spring quarters Circulation: 5,500. The opinions expressed in the Viewpoints section are not necessarily those of the Maroon. © 2013 The Chicago Maroon, Ida Noyes Hall, 1212 East 59th Street Chicago, IL 60637 Editor-in-Chief Phone: 773.834.1611 Newsroom Phone: 773.702.1403 Business Phone: 773.702.9555 Fax: 773.702.3032 CONTACT News: Viewpoints: Arts: Sports: Photography: Design: Copy: Advertising:

By Kristin Lin Viewpoints Editor Most days I rise with the sun. I never thought it would become a part of my routine here in college. The relentless alarms of my high school years haunted even the deepest of my slumbers, and I dreaded every morning when I would watch the first rays of light emerge on my road to school. I thought I would be done when I stepped on this campus. Yet over a decade of early rising has altered my circadian rhythm quite permanently, and by my third week of classes here, I had gravitated toward a regular interruption to my 7 a.m. dreams. To my own surprise, I am a morning person. There are few of us larks here on campus—I can recognize most of the ones who live in Pierce. While the majority of the student body operates on caffeinated wakefulness during the day so that it can thrive on adrenaline at night, we morning people willingly wake up while the local news is still broadcasting. We rarely talk to each other, instead keeping to our own while sharing the secrets of the morning. The school is abandoned—not in the eerie, zombie-apocalyptic way, but rather in the way someone at the Reg will drift off to sleep while trying to finish an incredibly boring reading—unguarded. We share this sleeping dorm and

its unmoved certainty, guaranteed with each bowl we scoop full of oatmeal. My tendency to wake up early comes with the caveat of a relatively early bedtime. Even when I do stay up, I rarely talk to others, instead retreating to the confines of my room. So every time I catch the vignette of a long UChicago night, I am surprised to discover the late hours to be loaded, burdened by the crumbling facades of the still-awake. In all of its silent melancholia, the 4 a.m. hum of Harper is something I hope I will never experience again. By no means was my first encounter with Quad sunrises planned; one procrastination method led to another and by 8 p.m. Sunday I had confined myself to a library chair, my wooden prison at the end of an incriminating weekend. A finished paper would be my bail. I wrote through the night, remaining stationary as the chatter faded into shuffles, shuffles into echoes, echoes into the present—charged, monotonous, with a pitch deep enough to make me wonder whether it was present all along, underneath the papershuffle and covert whispers of daylight. As I toiled on, a post-midnight somberness revealed itself in the things I trusted most to remain certain: Admitting defeat, someone curled into an armchair, clenched in the fetal position, his body contorted to the confines of the lumpy chair. Another paced the walkway of the reading room, relying on the lilt of his steps to keep himself awake. The night was numb—but in a prickly way, like a sleeping foot. The sunrise the following MORNINGS continued on page 6

On convocation: Take your own advice Hindsight provides a premise for advice-giving, but serves more for our own reconciliation than others’

By Jake Smith Viewpoints Columnist As I barrel toward my college graduation, everyone has a little bit of good advice to offer me. Older people wish me well and impart that vital gem of wisdom they wish they had heard at my age. The good folks of LinkedIn barrage me with e-mails full of “Amazing Career Advice For College Grads!” My Facebook newsfeed brims with YouTube clips of commencement addresses—some powerful, some eloquent, some unusual—delivered by all manner of leaders and celebrities. And then there are the valedictorians, class presidents, and other young speakers around the country who will bravely take to the stage, proudly flaunting their funny hats and robes, seeking to make students laugh and parents cry. A few of my classmates will have their turns at the podium in a few weeks’ time. Giving a graduation speech is no easy task, and I wish them luck. It’s the time of year when solutions abound. Everyone—Michelle Obama, David Bowie, my fellow 20-somethings nationwide—knows exactly what problems I face and how to solve them. And I should too, surely. After all, I graduate in just two weeks. As a wise and wizened fourth year, I should have valuable lessons to teach everyone. I should be offering my fel-

low graduates a refreshing new way to think about our education and what comes next. I should at least be telling you younger students not to worry, to roll with the punches, to let the sunshine in, to make sure you smell the roses—because college is short, kid, and you’re gonna miss it one day. Plus, as a columnist, I’m expected to spout solutions. In previous columns, I’ve never hesitated to tell you how to act. I’ve asked you to change the way you protest, change the way you talk to others, change the way you stereotype our school, and change the way you look at social problems. This column has been my little megaphone to UChicago, and you are right to expect that I use these last few inches to articulate my life philosophy, or impart some final wisdom for the benefit of this community. But I cannot do that. Truth is, I’m 21 years old and I don’t know what to make of it. Any advice I might give you would be insincere and self-serving. As Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich once put it, “Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.” Advice, then, is given for the giver’s sake. To give advice is to offer the version of my history that I want to have been true. When you seek advice, you don’t really want a reminder that you will be OK. Rather, you want to know that I can look back on my mess of a college career and say, “Yes, it was all worth it.” You want to see me forging bravely into what lies ahead GRAD continued on page 6



Uncultivated indulgence Ability to enjoy simple pleasures should not be hampered by our university’s culture of refinement

By Liam Leddy Associate Viewpoints Editor In two weeks’ time, I’ll return home for the summer fresh from a weeklong detour into Tennessee. Upon arrival in my hometown, my first order of business will not be to see my parents, my sister, or my dog; I will not head straight to my home to unpack and recuperate; I won’t go to any of my friends’ houses to hang out. Instead I will make a beeline to a dusty gravel parking lot on the near south side of town, amble purposefully up to a rundown silver trailer, and order some tacos. I’ll order my usual—three “Trailer Parks,” all trashy—and sit down on a picnic bench in 100-plus-degree heat to ingest three flour tortillas filled with fried chicken, green peppers, pico de gallo, and queso. Once the last bits are gone, and I’ve wiped off the queso that’s inevitably clung to my face, then—and only

then—can my life at home begin. This order of priorities might seem a bit strange, and probably even unhealthy. Admittedly, it is unhealthy, given that I haven’t seen my family in six months. Three Trailer Parks, all trashy, can’t really be healthy either. But I have a need for great tacos, and a truly great taco is something I just haven’t found at UChicago, in Hyde Park, or in Chicago as a whole. That’s really not the point, though: There’s nothing less sophisticated than queso-covered fried chicken served out of a trailer, and that’s the point. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve learned anything I actually need to know in my eight months of class here, but I certainly have learned that I am an incredibly lowbrow individual. And that’s what I miss, more than just tacos. I miss an environment where the unrefined is embraced and celebrated. UChicago is one of the finest universities in the world, and our student body’s IQ is undoubtedly far above the world average. Being intelligent students, we study sophisticated things—Plato, Kant, quantum mechanics, Hegel, fractals, and so on. Thus we come to be and come to think of ourselves as refined and sophisticated people, with refined tastes and ideas. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. We are intelligent people with the ability to understand and enjoy complex forms of entertainment, food, culture, etc. But I feel like we

forget sometimes that just because we’re capable of understanding complex and highbrow things doesn’t mean that we can’t also enjoy the lowbrow ones. Even worse, I feel like we have this idea of ourselves as intelligent, intellectual, and sophisticated, and we eschew unsophisticated things not because of a lack of desire for them, but rather because we hold ourselves to some illusionary higher standard. We wouldn’t dare enjoy listening to the bubblegum pop the Katy Perrys and Justin Biebers of the world churn out—not because we don’t think it’s catchy, but because we’re better than that, or perhaps, even worse, just wouldn’t want to be caught enjoying it. While I’m not saying that phenomena like these are ubiquitous within our student body, I do think they exist, and are concerning in any concentration. Being a UChicago student and enjoying Fast and Furious 6 will and does not make you incongruously dumb or undeserving of enrollment here; it just makes you capable of enjoying the simple things as well as the complex ones. And that certainly isn’t harmful—it’s probably beneficial. What is harmful is keeping ourselves from things we like simply because we’re supposed to be sophisticated. This inhibition of baser desires is not without a social element: The pressure to maintain perpetual refinement is one that originates not only from our own thoughts, but the thoughts

and words of those around us. Judging each other for our guilty pleasures is what makes them guilty when, really, they needn’t be. Externally imposed and unnecessary guilt is something we’d all like less of, and if we stop allowing our status as intelligent students to dictate what we’re allowed to enjoy, we just might have less of it. So when I get home and head straight for that trailer, it’s not because I don’t love my family or like my friends; it’s because I need to remind myself that I’m back in a place where I can proudly eat whatever lowbrow form of delicious trash I want without worrying that I’ll be thought a barbarian. Then again, maybe I am a barbarian. Maybe my love for things that are a little simpler is just an indication of my inferior intelligence. Maybe I can’t hold myself to a higher standard because I can’t reach one. But I don’t think so. I don’t think I’m the only UChicago student who has the urge to indulge in the unsophisticated, but I do think that, sadly, I’m in the minority that succumbs to that urge. I wish more of us did. You may call me unrefined or just plain stupid for saying so, but I think we should all just relax and have a taco every once in a while. Liam Leddy is a first-year in the College majoring in economics and psychology.

In the interest of students Impending increase in Stafford loan interest rate will hold back students whose success could contribute to economic recovery

By Anastasia Golovashkina Viewpoints Columnist Last July, the spiritual successor to 2011’s apocryphal debt-ceiling crisis went into effect. In the name of reducing national debt, the student loans provisions of the Budget Control Act eliminated the in-school interest subsidy on Stafford loans for graduate students, effectively raising their interest rates from 3.4 to 6.8 percent. This year undergraduate Stafford loans will suffer the same fate, unless the federal government does something immediately (ha). Beginning on July 1, new undergraduate borrowers will be expected to pay 6.8 percent interest on their Stafford loans. For most of the 35 percent of U.S. undergraduates who have Stafford loans, that translates to an additional $1,000 a year in interest—which, in my opinion, constitutes a far greater burden. Not only is this move unfair to students, but it’s also incredibly harmful to our fragile but recovering national economy. Even worse, it’s completely

unnecessary. In 2013 alone, the federal government is expected to make some $51 billion on student loan payback, or about $0.36 profit on every dollar it lends students. In the words of Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, that’s “more than the annual profit of any Fortune 500 company, and about five times Google’s yearly earnings.” But rising student loan interest rates are only the latest financial hardship to plague U.S. college students. Since 1980, college costs octupled to more than $1 trillion, growing faster than even health care and living costs, which have respectively quadrupled and doubled in the same period. From yearly tuition hikes at more than twice the rate of inflation to several-hundreddollar textbooks and completely unjustified administrative fees, today’s colleges are sending off graduates with an average of $25,000 in debt that even bankruptcy can’t discharge. These figures point to a very troubling trend: a national neglect of education made all the more problematic by the necessity of higher-level education in our increasingly integrated knowledge economy. Instead of seeing education as an investment in our collective future, our Congress has come to see student loans as just another source of revenue—so much so that, today, you’d be in a much better position to borrow money from the U.S. government if you were to die and reincarnate as, say, a bank. Needless to say, the greater economic con-

sequences of this are disastrous. We’re the only developed country to see the current generation receive less schooling than its parents’. Once leading the world in percentage of college graduates, we’re now 12th among 36 developed nations. And though nearly 70 percent of our high school graduates do enroll at college within two years of graduating, only half of those students graduate within six years. And the graduation rate is only half that for those pursuing a twoyear associate’s degree. Especially hard-hit are lower-income students, who are disproportionately more likely to drop out for financial reasons and who need our government to provide low-interest Stafford loans the most. By all accounts, fewer of our students are graduating college—and, degree or not, nobody seems to be getting out without holes in their pockets. Factor in a hostile job market that demands not only a degree but also experience, and the phenomenon of unpaid internships as the increasingly quintessential gateway to getting that experience, and it’s no surprise that, instead of giving an educated, energetic young workforce a head start on its professional pursuits, college is simply sending throngs of twenty-somethings back to their parents’ basements. It wasn’t always this way. In fact, it was arguably our nation’s brilliant decision to pay the tuitions and living expenses of all World War II veterans wishing to pursue postsecondary, secondary, or

vocational schooling—in the form of the 1944 G.I. Bill—that sparked rapid economic growth throughout the 1950s and made us a world leader in human capital. And it’s not this way in other countries. Our more educated German, French, Finnish, and Danish competitors (who also happen to be making more money and report a higher level of happiness with their lives) have made public college education completely free. We could follow suit; it would only cost us about $30 billion per year—0.078 percent of 2013’s federal budget—and would virtually eliminate the financial constraints that currently inhibit so many lower-income students from completing their degrees. Such a measure could moreover check the rise of private college costs, helping make every college graduate an immediately productive member of society. In an era when practically every job requires a college education, we should be doing even more to prepare our next generation for the market’s obvious demands. We should be actively identifying legal and economic ways to curb the rise of college tuition, and should be cultivating a national culture of college attendance and completion. And, needless to say, we should not be raising the interest rate on Stafford loans. Anastasia Golovashkina is a second-year in the College majoring in economics.

BDS a hypocritical movement Boycotts, divestment, and sanctions against Israel would wrongly punish a nation that is far from an apartheid state Blake Fleisher Viewpoints Contributor On May 21, Luke Brinker wrote an excellent column titled “The flaws of ahistorical activism” illustrating the hypocrisy of the anti-Israel movement. In the article, he argues that the progressive policies of Israel’s government are in line with the broader views of activists who dismiss it as an apartheid state. His analysis is accurate, though there are several issues that he did not discuss. In particular, he did not sufficiently undermine the flawed and repeated claim that Israel is an apartheid state and he did not explain the dangerous consequences of the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions movement (BDS). I will continue where Brinker left off. Brinker’s article is a response to Students for Jus-

tice in Palestine’s (SJP) recent event “From South Africa to Israel: The Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions Movement.” At the core of SJP’s argument is the notion that Israel is an apartheid state. This is absolutely false: In South Africa, the black population was segregated, banned from voting, and deprived of their citizenship; in Israel, Palestinian citizens of Israel (or Israeli-Arabs) share the same exact facilities as non-Arab citizens, have the right to vote, and hold Israeli citizenship. Though Israel is unfortunately not free of discrimination, there is not a single democracy in the world that is. Whatever forms of discrimination that exist in Israel are essentially no different than those in any other Western democracy. Recently, University of Chicago Friends of Israel (UCFI) invited Ishmael Khaldi to speak to the

university community. Khaldi was born in a Bedouin tent, voluntarily served in the Israel Defense Forces, and eventually rose to become Israel’s Deputy Consul General in San Francisco. He is the first Muslim diplomat, let alone Bedouin, in the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Khaldi considers himself living proof that Israel is not an apartheid state and said, “Israel may be the only country in the Middle East, if not the world, where a Bedouin shepherd can become a high-tech engineer, a scientist, or a diplomat. The sky’s the limit.” Arabs hold many other prominent positions in Israel. A few years ago an Israeli Arab Supreme Court Justice, Salim Joubran, sentenced Israel’s former president to prison. In 1999, Rana Raslan became the first Arab Miss Israel. This past year it was an Ethiopian-Israeli. There are many Arabs who

hold high ranks in the Israeli military, and the recently appointed director of emergency medicine at Hadassah University Medical Center in Jerusalem is also an Israeli-Arab. Furthermore, Arabic is taught in Israeli schools, is on Israeli signs and, as an official language, is provided via subtitles on the state television channel. Another major facet of SJP’s argument is that BDS is the solution to fighting Israeli apartheid. Well, we’ve already established that Israel is not an apartheid state—but let’s look at what BDS ultimately does. It would force individuals to boycott Israeli products, musicians, sports teams, companies, and even academics. The BDS movement is nothing but a hypocritical movement aimed at the destruction of the State of Israel. The hypocrisy ISRAEL continued on page 6



Letter: Burqa ban debate in context In response to “Neither respectful nor liberating” (May 31) The University of Chicago French Club was pleased to see the discussions prompted by this month’s talk “Neither Whores Nor Submissive: The Burqa Ban in France.” In response to Zahed Haseeb’s piece “Neither respectful nor liberating” (May 31), we would like to add a few clarifications. The conference was the first in what we hope to be a long series of talks aimed at giving UChicago students the opportunity to interact directly with practitioners at the center of French political, social, cultural and, economic life. We seek to foster discussion on Franco-American or “FrancoFrench” issues like the burqa ban that have made headlines in the U.S., perhaps perplexing or piquing the curiosity of American onlookers. The French Club invited Fadela Amara, former French minister and founder of the feminist organization Neither Whores Nor Submissive, to provide

context surrounding the 2010 ban on the burqa in public spaces. Given his disgust at “the abuse of women anywhere,” Haseeb will be glad to learn that Amara has dedicated her life to calling attention to and improving the situation of women in marginalized French neighborhoods. Amara is a prominent authority in France on racism and gender discrimination within and against the country’s immigrant North African Muslim population. First a victim of such discrimination, she then became an activist in this community, engaging in “concerted efforts to ensure that women receive their due and that any abuse or infringement upon a woman’s sense of agency is viewed as unacceptable.” It is precisely in accordance with this view that Amara pushed for the burqa ban. The ban and the support that “people

of Amara’s ilk” show for it are a reaction to evidence of increasing pressure on women in French immigrant neighborhoods—pressure that leads to forced marriages and genital mutilation, as well as intimidation over how to dress. Whether or not the burqa ban is the best way to address these issues is, of course, a matter for debate. It is important to note that the burqa ban had widespread political support in France from both the left and right. It is simply incorrect to associate Amara with the French extreme right. A member of the Socialist Party for 23 years, Amara firmly considers herself a “femme de gauche.” A practicing Muslim, born of Algerian immigrant parents in a ghetto outside Clermont-Ferrand, France, Amara falls squarely in the category of those the National Front, the far-right French political party, would

love to see deported. Though the law in itself is debatable and we wish to encourage such discussion, we hope that students will engage in critiques of Amara’s work with full knowledge of both her background and its French context, in which the rise of Islamic fundamentalism among a minority has pushed some women to “choose” between being harassed or wearing a full-body veil.  Though he was unfortunately unable to attend the talk in person, Haseeb, and all others interested, will soon be able to view the video of the talk on our Web site, We look forward to many more spirited discussions on France and Franco-American issues at our future events. —The University of Chicago French Club

What’s worse, everything’s been in the wrong order; a good share of horrifying and humiliating failure has taken place in the last few months, a time when, surely, I should have known better. I cannot yet establish a cohesive idea of this place for myself, and I certainly cannot establish one for you to cling to. It would be whitewashed and disingenuous. Advice requires us to look back on our lives selectively. It’s the comforting narrative that we want our listeners to believe—because we need to believe it as well. It’s the idealized story we want to set in stone. Whatever we find ourselves telling people—well, that’s the story that we want to be true. So imagine yourself penning a column like this one. Imagine yourself onstage in the funny hat and robes, microphone inches from your face. What do you tell your audience? How do you want to make them feel? Whatever you end up saying, that’s the advice that you want to hear—that you need to hear—right now. What’s my advice to you? Whatever you want it to be. The advice we want to give is the advice we need most. Jake Smith is a fourth-year in the College majoring in political science.

“Economic warfare” waged against Israel would be equally damaging to the Palestinian people ISRAEL continued from page 5 of BDS begins with its founder Omar Barghouti, who is a graduate student from Tel Aviv University. Since he argues for a full boycott against Israel, including academics, BDS supporters should boycott him as well. Boycotting Israeli products is also a challenge when one considers that Israel has made major contributions to many areas of technology, including the cell phone, text messaging, and the Intel chip in the laptop I am using to type this. Even Stephen Hawking’s refusal to fill the role of honored speaker at an event hosted by the Israeli president is hypocritical, as his boycott does not extend to the computer system that gives him the ability to talk. The computer, which is built around an Intel Core i7 Processor, was designed by Israel’s Intel team. BDS ultimately hurts Palestinians from an economic standpoint as well. Many of the Palestinians in the region controlled by the Palestinian National Authority commute to Israel for work. The BDS movement attacks Israel’s economy, which could ultimately force Israeli companies to lay off employees—many of whom would be Palestinian. Thus, many Palestinians could suffer severe economic consequences from a boycott aimed at advocating for their wellbeing. Those that support BDS are not “pro-Palestinian.” The movement does not help Pal-


GRAD continued from page 4 so that you can think to yourself, “Yes, the future is bright.” You want me to encapsulate my last four years with a beautiful sentence or idea so that we can all agree, “Yes, that’s what it meant.” You want me to tell you what the hell we’re all doing here. This is a perfectly reasonable thing to want. We all need desperately to feel comforted. In two short weeks, I myself will listen to a handful of earnest speakers adorned in funny hats and robes tell me what it means to graduate, so that I can feel a little more optimistic about the future, and a little less alone. My parents and sister will sit through an endless litany of names they don’t know so that they can spend six seconds cheering with pride when Dean Boyer evenly proclaims, “Jacob Jerome Smith, Political Science.” These traditions are lovely, and they comfort us. But I can’t give you that kind of comfort: I don’t yet know what to make of it myself. I know that I cannot paint over the ugly parts of my past, because my time at UChicago has been too much all at once. I’ve built incredible relationships, and I’ve seen them topple. I’ve had fun, I’ve had too much fun, and I’ve had no fun at all. I’ve been wildly successful, and I’ve experienced mortifying failure.


Graduation season is a time steeped in traditions that comfort those whose dive into uncertainty is imminent

estinians in any significant way; it only hurts them. In all, the BDS movement is nothing but a hypocritical movement that aims to destroy the State of Israel via economic warfare. BDS will not solve the conflict—it will only prevent peace. Blake Fleisher is a second-year in the College majoring in linguistics.

SUBMISSIONS The Chicago Maroon welcomes opinions and responses from its readers. Send op-ed submissions and letters to: The Chicago Maroon attn: Viewpoints 1212 East 59th Street Chicago, IL 60637 E-mail: Viewpoints@ChicagoMaroon. com The editors reserve the right to edit materials for clarity and space. Letters to the editor should be limited to 400 words. Op-ed submissions, 800 words.

There is a certain sincere sanctity surrounding late-night, Trix-dusted conversations that shields my consciousness, I would MORNINGS continued from page 4 morning snuck up on me, and with it re- have folded as well, joining him in his turned the veil of mundanity. That was my crooked disposition. The ghosts of daytime sadness do not first all-nighter. Later that quarter, I sat in my house bury themselves in the soil of the sunset. lounge talking with a friend, our chatter Sure, they lay dormant when we go out contributing to the buzz of a Saturday eve- with friends and when we’re alone, the ning. The lounge is windowless, eternally voice of the radio talk show host croondaylit. Yet, the hum that haunted my first ing into the humidity. But they are really all-nighter trickled in as the midnight bus- Harper’s deep hum: omnipresent, hidtle began its denouement into darkness. den among sorority gossip and academic There it was again: the somber moan, po- musings, the clatter of wooden chairs and tent exclusively to the sober. the thuds of finally closed chemistry textWe ended up eating a box of Trix with books. a guy who lives a few doors down. He One morning my roommate and I were was drunk. Funneling the cereal into his standing at our respective closets getting mouth in a grotesquely cartoonish way, ready for the day. She had gone to bed a he had mastered a chew, swallow routine: mere three hours before. Crunchcrunchcrunch—pause—crunch“You know, my favorite time to talk to crunchcrunch. people is around 5 a.m., when there’s not A relentless cadence. much to lose, and a lot to gain. People reI realized that, before this moment, I ally give a shit that late at night.” had never really noticed him—his thin Dabbing perfume onto my wrists, I wonframe bent to receive the cereal, lanky dered what other forms of darkness I forgo arms fumbling to catch fallen pieces. He for the pleasantry of my peaceful mornings. was surprisingly clumsy, vulnerable. Had I not already succumbed to the autopilot Kristin Lin is a first-year in the College.


CONGRATULATIONS ON A GREAT SCHOOL YEAR. But, before you run, remember to return your books, your keys to the landlord, and of course the Comcast equipment you’ve used all year long.

Need to return your Comcast equipment? Choose one of these fast and easy options!


Call us at 1-800-XFINITY and we’ll send you a self-addressed, pre-paid box to return your equipment via UPS. Pack your equipment in the box and take it to an authorized UPS shipping location.



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Listlandia JUNE 4, 2013

Five fashion flops to avoid at all costs 1. Flip-flops For all that I’m looking forward to about summer, fashion is not near the top of the list. While I can appreciate the simplicity and lightness of summer style as much as anyone else, I’m accepting the fact that I’m in for three months of skimpy dresses, bro tanks, and visible feet. Every day I’ll be confronted by masses who take the carefree quality of summer attire to the extreme of just plain sloppiness and looking forward to the fall when people start to wear coats again. I know the hordes of flip-flop devotees will probably stop reading right here, but I’ll never understand the ubiquity of these impractical shoes, which are the touchstone of summer slobbery. I know enough people who have tumbled down stairs wearing flip-flops because of the mere fact that they don’t naturally move in unison with the foot. Simple T-strap sandals give your feet just as much air and will actually stay on, all while looking infinitely more polished. 2. Too-high-cut denim shorts Remember when those denim cutoffs that were so short that the pockets stuck out from the bottom were all the rage a few years ago? It seems we have now moved on to an equally dreadful variation

on denim shorts, which is the cheeky high-waisted variety. I think people have been attracted to these shorts because they think that there’s something “vintage” about them, but looking vaguely artsy does not change the fact that you’re wearing denim underwear. Would it kill you to add an extra inch to your inseam? 3. Sheer clothing with bright undergarments I do sympathize that when it’s 98 degrees, I don’t particularly care what I look like while I’m trying to get from air-conditioned Point A to air-conditioned Point B. No one can be told to wear more clothing in these conditions. While I love sheer clothing because I think it’s beautifully airy, one summer trend that I just can’t comprehend is the need to pair these items with lingerie that doesn’t match. A white sheer blouse with a glaring red bra underneath screams for attention, and destroys what should be a delicate effect. Undergarments closer to skin tone or the color of the clothing piece are better suited for this. 4. Crop tops… …don’t work for everyone. Please accept this and move on.

Not even sunglasses that big can deflect the shame of these outfits. COURTESY OF CHICAGO MAGAZINE

5. And for men: critter shorts This last one I’m torn on, mostly because they’re adorable on boys under the age of 10. Besides that, I can appreciate critter shorts when worn with a healthy dose of irony, but from my New England vacations, I can say that most

men are not trying to be funny when they wear these. I can’t take any guy seriously who chooses to sport an embroidered whale motif to dinner, but hey, maybe it’s just me. —Alexandra McInnis

Books to put on your “To Read” list 1. The Ocean at the End of the Lane, by Neil Gaiman It’s hard to know how to hypothesize about Gaiman’s newest book, which will be released June 18, in such a short space, since the previews of it so far have been totally confusing and/or totally scrambled. The Amazon book description, for example, reads, “This bewitching and harrowing tale of mystery and survival, and memory and magic, makes the impossible all too real....” (That ellipsis is not helping.) The cover art for TOATEOTL is similarly indecipherable, a heavily edited image of a girl eerily but generically suspended in a body of blue water. Basically, this book might be terrible, or fantastic—my personal bet is that it’ll be a so-bad-it’s good thriller, or just the good-’n’-alittle-trashy novel, because Gaiman has done interesting work in several different genres in the past. But if I’m wrong, Pub wings are on me come fall. Wilson took a page out of Rilke’s book. COURTESY OF LIVERIGHT PUBLISHING CORP.

2. The Unwinding: An Inner History of

the New America, by George Packer. The New Yorker staff writer has pieced together some of the work he’s done over the past years for the magazine and added large chunks of new material to ultimately end up with this book, which uses several specific narratives to get at a few broad ideas about the state of the union. It is already being heralded by reviewers as “close to a non-fiction masterpiece,” and it has all the sound structure, hard-hitting facts, and gorgeous prose style you could hope for, although on the whole it’ll be some pretty damn depressing subject matter. Squint into the sunlight while standing on a suburban front lawn and contemplate the crumbling fiscal and governmental structures of this country. How green does the grass look from there?

joice, for Wilson has written a somewhat similar text to add to your list of faves. Well, maybe; this book makes me a little nervous, because while Rilke’s letters were compiled and edited by the actual young poet to whom he sent them 20 years prior, Wilson just kind of wrote this unprompted. Some of the urgency and authenticity of the original premise will be gone. And I don’t know: Maybe the arrival of this book signals we’re in an era when science, not art, is the primary mode of truth-making for society. Doubts aside, though, Wilson, a biologist and teacher for 60 years, is a living sage (The Social Conquest of Earth is another must-read from him). At this point, he has much to tell humans about how to live a life as replete with curiosity and wisdom as a cell beneath a microscope.

3. Letters to a Young Scientist, by Edward O. Wilson If you’re part of the group who believes that Rilke’s Letters to a Young Poet should be required reading for all adolescents and young adults, re-

4. Bobcat and Other Stories, by Rebecca Lee It’s probably safe to assume that anything by Rebecca Lee will be up to aesthetic, technical snuff; she’s an alumna of BOOKS continued on page 12

The Class of 2013




                          !"!  !#$!"%!  &'(%   


Ben, Congratulations on your college graduation! We are very proud of all you have accomplished! Looking forward to sharing your future successes. Good luck! We love you! The Wolff Family Mom, Dad, Joseph, Jordan & Gracie

You are one of our gifts from God. You Did It! We love you, and are proud of you. The Best is Still Yet to Come.

Your Biggest Fans, Daddy, Mommy, Dante’ & Alyse



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THE MAROON would like to congratulate its graduating fourth-years! Thanks for your wonderful work and dedication:

Charna Albert Alice Blackwood Douglas Everson Luke Brinker Hannah Gold Andrew Green Ilya Gutin Don Ho Ben Lange Jordan Larson Tyler Lutz Amy Myers Ben Pokross Raghav Rao Sharan Shetty Jake Smith Gabe Valley


-+,.% "''  !"# ##% ( " " %!! "!%) *



Carolyn Jacquelyn Hoke Class of 2013 All the hard work has paid off. Congratulations on a job well done and keeping your sanity.

(see what happens when you double major and fully participate in your college experience)

Theodore Lee Neff Prize in French A.B. in French AND Theater and Performance Studies 48 courses (when you only needed 42!) 2 majors (French and TAPS) & Honors Across the Board! Unaccompanied Women A capella Group Performances almost every quarter (and sometimes in more than one!) Listening, Break, Kiss Me Kate, Vamp, A Funny Thing Happenedâ&#x20AC;Ś., Nowhere Town, Henvy IV, The Drowsy Chaperone, Reefer Madness, Two Gentlemen of Verona, Volpone and Dr. Horribleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sing-a-Long Blog.

A winter in Paris A summer in Los Angeles Solving the CTA & Metra

You are ready to take on the world and we are so proud of you. (Sept 2009)

Love, Mom and Dad June 15, 2013 Chicago, Illinois



Congratulations! Andrea M McPike

2 0 1 3

University of Chicago - Public Policy Urban Partnership Bank UCPIP Fellow UC Booth School of Business Scholar Love Mom and Dad, and Andrew

Congratulations, Chris Stavitsky, U Chicago Class of 2013! We are so proud of you and your accomplishments! Continue to soar in all that you do.


Love, Mom and Dad, and your whole family 



Huge Congratulations to my daughter Alexis Golling-Sledge on your completion of a long and successful journey. Today is a great day of joy as one chapter closes and a new even more spectacular one opens. Success has no boundaries for you and even though the direct path isn't drawn out clearly, there is no doubt you will succeed in all aspects of life. You have brought immense pleasure and pride to not only me but our entire family. I, we congratulate you with all our heart. I am truly a proud mother and it makes me proud to see you so successful in life, and I will continue to be proud of any direction you choose for your future.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.â&#x20AC;? (Numbers 6: 24-26) â&#x20AC;&#x153;I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.â&#x20AC;? (3 John 1:4) God Loves You and finds Favor in all you do. We love You Alexis Mom, Kayla, Stephanie, Charlize and Charles




Proud of our Cholo! Congratulations, Franki University of Chicago Class of ‘13

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Congratulations Chloe!



We love you Mom, Dad, Edward, Claire, You’ve been well prepared to succeed and make your mark and May by one of the finest institutions in the country.

WE WISH YOU ALL THE BEST! Your friends at



CONGRATULATIONS! Hannah McGinty U Chicago, Class of 2013 We are so proud of you. Love always, Mom and Dad

Congratulations, Erik! We are so proud of you! Love, Mom Dad Sarah & Loki

(mission accomplished)


Molly Nora Simon Class of 2013!

Simply Spectacular We Love You!



Mom, Dad & Sweetness





Your family is SO PROUD of you and all of your accomplishments! CONGRATS and LOTS of LOVE!




Congratulations Michael on your graduation!! Over the years, we watched and cheered you on with how much effort you put into being the best you could be in the coursework you undertook to better understand the field of science notably in physics. As you can well attest, there are no shortcuts. Continue to believe in yourself, in your talent and skills that have brought you to this special day as you graduate from the University of Chicago. For every ending â&#x20AC;&#x201C;there is a new beginning, for every memory---there is a dream ahead. Continue to climb and aspire excellence as you move into the next chapter at Carnegie Mellon University. With lots of love and pride, we raise a toast of Congratulations!! Love, Dad, Mom and Katie





class of 2013



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How to save a Chicago summer 1. Nature We’ve all heard about Chicago’s innumerable attractions. Theater, restaurants, style, art, cinema…the list goes on. However, what people often leave out is the monetary aspect involved that conflicts with cheap college kids. But fear not. This list will give you at least a launch pad for an interesting summer that won’t leave you dirt broke. If you’re tired of the gray cityscape or sick of jogging to the Point to get some fresh air, consider exploring some nature opportunities near the city. The Chicago Botanical Garden, located in the northern suburbs, is a unique space encompassing 385 acres of land on nine islands. This attraction has 26 gardens, including a bonsai collection and a fern room. You can take the Metra to the North Side to access the garden and, of course, this nature center is free seven days a week. August 12 will give you a chance to enjoy the Perseid Meteor Shower, one of the most intense showers of the year. 2. Dance If you find yourself downtown during the next few months and you’ve spent all your cash on food or parking, head to Grant Park for the Summer Dance Festival. This outdoor attraction takes

place from June 27 until September 15. Every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, the park will host free dance lessons, performances, and concerts. Head up with friends to escape your unair-conditioned apartment or go alone so nobody will see your moves. 3. Theater If you’re bored with the hike up north, there are some great opportunities to enjoy the arts on the South Side, too. The Free Street Theatre Group is a unique acting company that puts on free productions during the summer across the South Side. These performances range from serious dramas to puppet shows and are a great way to spend time in nearby neighborhoods. 4. Music Most would agree that Chicago is a great town for concerts. But unfortunately, most of these shows might break your budget and take place in stuffy, crowded venues that leave you feeling plain miserable by the time the band takes the stage. Luckily, the city has a number of free summer outdoor music festivals that let you enjoy a concert with all of the music and none of the body odor. The Chicago Blues Festival is happening during finals week

It’s going to be a hot one, folks, so cast a long shadow over all these free things to do! COURTESY OF CITY OF CHICAGO/D.C.A.S.E.

( June 7–9) and is the largest free blues festival in the world. If OChem’s the soundtrack of your spring, not to worry: Throughout the summer, Millenium Park will provide three free concert series: Downtown Sounds, Loops and Variations, and Made in Chicago, which showcase Chicago based indie rock and pop, electronic, and jazz performers, respectively. 5. Museums Behold the legendary citysponsored-museum: probably the best way to beat heat and bore-

dom without spending cash. As you may know, admission to both the Art Institute and the Museum of Contemporary Art (up north on the other side of the river) is always free with your Arts Pass (your student ID). Countless museums have special free days throughout the summer, such as the Alder Planetarium and Shedd Aquarium. If you’ve been there and done that, consider stopping by the always free Jane Addams Hull House on the Near West Side, the National Museum of Mexican Art in Pilsen, the Cen-

ter for Intuitive and Outside Art at the east end of Noble Square, the DePaul University Art Museum downtown, the Center for Contemporary Photography at Columbia College (also downtown), and many more. So, aren’t you glad you’re staying in Chicago for the summer? Or now sad that you’re leaving ? At any rate, this list should inspire us and open our eyes to the accessible attractions in this great city. —Marika Van Laan

Windows down, volume up

“WTF” at Kanye’s latest album cover (pictured above). COURTESY OF DEF JAM RECORDINGS

1. Drake—Nothing Was the Same—expected in July Drake is the reigning king of rap, the center of gravity. He’s less interested in rap as a culture, and more curious about it as a concept to frequently question and repurpose. Working in the shadow of Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak, he has almost singlehandedly made dark and moody the template for modern hip-hop production. A majority of rap fans embedded in the ’90s tradition are tempted to discredit Drake, finding it difficult to admit how important versatility and emotional

complexity are now. Nothing Was the Same looks like his best effort yet: A leaked track list features production from the English whiz kid James Blake and guest verses from Justin Timberlake, Frank Ocean, Jay-Z, and A$AP Rocky. What’s perhaps most amazing about Drake’s ascendancy is his ability to work outside of his self-alienation; he makes or appears on almost every major rap radio release, and he’s almost universally admired by music critics. At 26, he’s getting just the kind of communal affection a young icon deserves.

2. Kanye West—Yeezus—June 18 The 2004 Kanye who released the seminal College Dropout is almost unrecognizable as the Kim Kardashian–loving, fashionobsessed, always-distracted 2013 Kanye, who seems more interested in performance art than in music. Yeezus will undoubtedly push the limits of his own imagination (if not also ours), one that now requires him to wear leather kilts at concerts and produce punk-influenced singles like Yeezus’s “Black Skinhead.” He’s opening up his collaborative universe, working on this album with local Chicago acts like King Louie and Young Chop in addition to EDM mainstays like Skrillex and Daft Punk, but he’s still surviving only in his own mind, trapped in a world that refuses to let his audience get what it expects. 3. J Cole—Born Sinner—June 18 J Cole remains the rapper whose music you send to your girlfriend or boyfriend. He’s the man who has stayed calm while his genre moves toward more complicated moods. What’s perhaps most distinctive about him is his ability to produce his own music: Recent mixtapes have featured his smooth, soul-based production underneath his distinc-

tive, gravelly voice—something that glides effortlessly over the warmth of his own beats. Born Sinner will probably be more of the same, and rightfully so; J Cole doesn’t seem interested in fitting into a niche other than his own, singling out Miguel, the monumentally gifted R&B artist, as his central collaborator. The first single from Born Sinner, “Power Trip” (featuring Miguel), is one of the best tracks of the year, a study in how opposite sounds relate. Even if he never changes, he’ll still be an innovator. 4. Future—Future Hendrix—expected in July or August Future is a creature of modern rap, a direct descendant of the genre’s new electronic bias. His latest single, “Karate Chop,” is a kind of sonicmelding blur of synths, bass thumps, and vocal jabs—a voice manipulation experiment. Future’s music can come off as almost comical, a prank on the lyric and rhythmic ambition of a previous rap generation that refuses to see a rapper for anything other than what he or she really is. Future Hendrix is a follow-up to the critically acclaimed Pluto, and it already has a murderer’s row of guest stars: Kanye, Drake, Rihanna, Rick Ross, Andre 3000, Nicki Minaj, Ace Hood, and Jeremih included. Those

who treat his hits like “Same Damn Time” as irony are missing the point: Future is a tertiary force, but very much a connective tissue. 5. Pusha-T—My Name is My Name—expected in July or August Pusha-T, formerly of the rap duo Clipse, has been promising his fans a debut solo album for years now, navigating the rapidly evolving hip-hop universe as stealthily as he can while he continues to master his own sound. My Name is My Name will present the new, fully formed Push, the one who plays sidekick to Kanye on the G.O.O.D. Music label while dabbling in the collaborative arts that define modern hip-hop: You can find him everywhere from N.O.R.E.’s “Tadow” with French Montana and 2 Chainz to the pounding, minimalist solo track “Numbers on the Board.” He’s become a master at transitioning from an earlier age of rap to a new one that demands cross-appeal and constant experimentation: “Pain,” the first single from My Name is My Name, relies heavily on the auto-tuned rapper Future, an artist who represents the opposite end of the sound spectrum. —Noah Weiland



Top of the class (and of the shelf) 1. Kir Royal

3. French 75

1 ounces crème de cassis 5 ounces champagne

2 ounces London dry gin 1 teaspoon powdered sugar 0.5 ounces lemon juice 5 ounces Brut Champagne

My pick for the ultimate graduation cocktail is the Kir Royal. If you’re at the point where a simple, elegant flute of champagne isn’t enough to commemorate the completion of your studies, then it’s time to break out the crème de cassis, a sweet but tart black currant liqueur that pairs perfectly with dry champagne. This couldn’t be easier to make; fill a flute onefifth of the way full with crème de cassis, and top with champagne. As the champagne’s carbonation activates the thick, syrupy liqueur, the drink will turn a luscious, deep pink color. 2. Champagne Punch Lots of fruit Brandy Cointreau Bottles of Brut Champagne Ice This drink is excellent when celebrating with a large group. In allowing for wide variation of taste and ambition, this punch is both versatile and reliably non-controversial, able to please a variety of drinkers. Begin by adding rind, pulp, leaves, and/or slices of any of the following to a large bowl: oranges, grapefruit, lemons, pineapple, cherries, strawberries, and mint. Add brandy and/or Cointreau (a version of the orange liqueur triple sec) and a bottle of club soda. Stir until ingredients are mixed, then top with several bottles of Brut Champagne. Finish with lots of ice just before serving to avoid diluting the mixture before it can be fully enjoyed.

Anyone who served in France during the Great War should recognize the name of this drink. It comes from the Canon de 75 modèle 1897, a type of 75-millimeter anti-personnel field artillery gun. They were a big deal—at Verdun, over 1,000 “75s” were kept in constant use for what must have been a very loud period of over nine months. During the war, someone at Harry’s New York Bar in Paris borrowed this gun’s name for a new drink rumored to have a kick that felt like being shelled by the beloved French “Soixante Quinze.” In a cocktail shaker, combine the gin, sugar, and lemon juice; shake vigorously. Strain into a glass, top with ice, and add nearly a full flute of champagne. 4. Bellini 2 ounces peach purée (or nectar*) 5 ounces Prosecco The Bellini was invented in Venice, and thus is technically supposed to be made with Prosecco, Italy’s Champagne equivalent. Champagne’s richness allegedly does not pair well with the peach nectar, and so Prosecco remains a popular choice even today. The peach nectar turns the sparkling wine deep pink. Allegedly this hue reminded the drink’s creator, Giuseppe Cipriani, of a painting by the 15th-century artist Giovanni Bellini, hence the name. Simply combine the peach and Prosecco in a glass and enjoy! *For a truly authentic nectar, the peaches are cut a day or two in advance and allowed to soak in a sweet white

Summer and drinking go together like summer and drinking. Congratulations, grads! COURTESY OF KITCHENDAILY

wine before being puréed and sweetened with sugar. This is the difference between peach nectar and peach purée or peach juice, which is not sweetened. Many stores sell both nectar and purée.

ferred.) Add brandy. Fill the flute with Brut Champagne, but be careful, because the champagne will foam violently when it comes into contact with the sugar mixture. Top with a cherry or orange pith garnish, which will pair nicely with the aromatics in the bitters.

5. Champagne Cocktail 1 sugar cube Bitters 1 ounce brandy (optional) Brut Champagne It’s hard to beat the classic champagne cocktail, which uses sugar and bitters to add flavor and sweetness to dry champagne. But be advised that expensive champagnes won’t be able to stand up to the intensity of the bitters and sugar, so save the Dom for later and use something a little more down-to-earth. Begin with a chilled champagne flute. Add one sugar cube and bitters, in dashes (usually 3–4), stirring until the sugar is dissolved. (Angostura bitters are pre-

Author’s Note: By definition, the sparkling white wine called Champagne comes from the rolling hills of the northeastern French region that supplies its name. Because of complicated legal rules governing appellation, sparkling white wine made outside this region is not technically Champagne. But whether we call it Cava (from Spain), Prosecco (from Italy), California sparkling white, or bubbly, the principle is the same. The double fermentation process that gives champagne its bubbles adds a costly step in the production process, transforming this white wine into a luxury product commensurate with the honor, hassle,

and catharsis of graduating from the University of Chicago. Champagne and other sparkling white wines (which can be used interchangeably in all these recipes) are classified according to sweetness: “Extra Brut” has six grams of sugar per liter, followed by “Brut,” which has less than 12, “Extra Dry,” “Sec,” “Demi-sec,” and, finally, “Doux,” which has over 50 grams of sugar per liter. Many of these drinks capitalize on the effervescence of the wine and pair a dry (less sweet) champagne with a sweet liqueur or fruit juice. They are also predicated on having very, very cold champagne, so make sure that the wine you use is super chilled. The Mimosa, a brunch and graduation staple, is not present on this list, but deserves an honorable mention—it can be made by simply combining champagne and orange uice in whatever quantities are preferred. —Andrew Green

This summer, let’s play follow the tweeter and sipping on tequila libations?

Rick Bayless servin’ up a bowl of some hot tweets. COURTESY OF TIM KLEIN/TIMEOUT CHICAGO

1. Rick Bayless Rick’s renowned line of restaurants includes downtown favorites Frontera Grill, Topolo (whose Web site recommends making reservations eight to 10 weeks in advance), and Xoco. However, the best way to get a taste of this chef ’s unique flavor is to follow him on Twitter, where he shares food and drink

tips, links to food apps and Web sites, and info about good meals from restaurants in Chicago and around the world. He also sends out notices about classes he gives around the city on topics varying from how to make great tacos to the best way to mix rhubarb margaritas. With the heat increasing, who doesn’t want to spend sultry evenings eating Mexican food

2. John Darnielle If The Mountain Goats’ pared down acoustic rock is the perfect accompaniment to your long summer afternoons, John Darnielle’s Twitter and Tumblr are a must. Featuring funny stories from interactions with his son, fans, and selfdeprecating comments, his wry sense of humor will have you snorting into your morning Cheerios. If you enjoy his altered version of the seven stages of grief—“what the hell do you mean Jandek’s not on Spotify #denial #anger #bargaining #depression #acceptance #outrage #eternalwar”—then you’ll probably find the rest of what he has to say worth reading. Even if only over breakfast. 3. Christopher Jobson Jobson manages the visual arts blog Colossal along with its Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest counterparts. All of his web ventures, including a weekly e-mail digest, showcase a highly curated collec-

tion of the finest contemporary art from around the world. You’re likely to find such eclectic works as a Volkswagen Beetle rolled into a sphere and chandeliers made from used bicycle pieces. Top-of-theline photography and conceptual art also appear. The blog and its counterparts are updated with new art frequently, almost daily, and provide more than enough fodder for a few hours of open-mouthed staring and possible screen stroking. The final cherry on top of this art behemoth? Christopher lives in Chicago and keeps his finger on the city’s artistic pulse. 4. Sloane Crosley The riotously popular essay collection I Was Told There’d Be Cake cemented Crosley’s place as a firstrate humorist. Besides her Twitter and various fun pieces on her Web site (including a diorama of scenes from I Was Told There’d Be Cake with yellow chickens made from pipe cleaners), she also manages the blog Sad Stuff on the Street with Greg Larson. Watch her Twit-

ter for snort-worthy tidbits and the occasional Twitter poem. If you like her enough to shell out a couple of bucks for a copy of one of her books, go ahead, but the best way to enjoy this woman’s sharp wit is free. 5. Chance the Rapper So Acid Rap wasn’t enough to sate your undying need for Chance the Rapper in your life? Follow him on Twitter and get updates for his tour along with links to videos and insider info. And if you’re lucky, you might get an invitation to come twerk at one of his concerts. A bit creepy? Yes. But from reading his Tweets, it would appear that there is a twerk drought in the city. Solution? Head to one of his shows in his summer tour, which will hit just about every major American city before heading across the pond to the UK and continental Europe. Twerking optional. Great music guaranteed. —Robert Sorrell



Get global with five new art exhibits 1. Chicago, IL: American Art at the Smart Did you know that somewhere in the Smart Museum of Art’s storage, there are paintings by several American masters, including James McNeil Whistler and Winslow Homer? This summer the Smart will be showcasing approximately 80 of both its more familiar and lesser-known American works including paintings, sculptures, prints, drawings, and photographs spanning the years 1850 to 1940. The exhibition, entitled The Land Beneath Our Feet, will honor the centennial of the 1913 Armory Show in Chicago, and will feature paintings by head avant-garde art organizers Arthur Davies and Walt Kuhn. 2. London, UK: Under Pressure at the Victoria and Albert Museum As a boy, rock legend David Bowie, born David Robert, joined a school choir where his voice was deemed “adequate.” This summer the Victoria and Albert Museum in London celebrates the life and

50-year career of the 66-year-old glam rock star, famously known for his sexually ambiguous Ziggy Stardust bodysuits, red hair, and extremely private personal life (he has not performed in public since 2006). The first international retrospective of Bowie, the exhibition features handwritten lyrics, original costumes, fashion, photography, music videos, and other Bowie paraphernalia. 3. New York, NY: Pop Artist Claes Oldenburg at the MoMA Can lingerie, cigarette butts, and hamburgers be considered art? According to Claes Oldenburg and his fans, yes. One of the most important pop artists of the past century, Oldenburg is known for turning everyday and often vulgar objects into high art, including his famous store and street scenes. At the MoMA this summer, four of the most important contributions made by the Swedish pop art master in the ’60s and ’70s will be showcased. 4. Los Angeles, CA: Japan’s Modern Divide at the Getty

Catch a red-eye to L.A. this summer to check out Japan’s Modern Divide at the Getty. COURTESY OF PACHD

In the school of 20th-century Japanese master photographers, Hiroshi Hamaya and Kansuke Yamamoto represent two very distinct angles on modern Japanese life. Hamaya favored an objective documentarian approach to the traditional, while Yamamoto is known for his provocative and avant-garde take on the urban. This summer, Japan’s Modern Divide at the Getty presents a genius juxtaposition of the diverging works

of the two artists. 5. Indianapolis, IN: Ai Weiwei’s Midwestern Debut One of China’s most influential artists, activists, and celebrities, Ai Weiwei will be taking the Midwest by storm this summer. These 30 works, which are part of a touring exhibition called Ai Weiwei: According to What? will grace the galleries of the India-

napolis Museum of Art. A major retrospective of his career to date, the exhibit will feature some of China’s most provocative photography, sculpture, video, and architectural installations, including painted Han Dynasty urns and a new sculpture constructed out of steel rebar from the 2008 Sichuan earthquake. —Lauren Gurley

Funny people under the radar and on the rise so I’d advise you to get on the YouTube posthaste and look him up before he gets too big, wins a Grammy and totally sells out, man.

Comedian Aparna Nancherla is on the rise like that one side of her mouth. COURTESY OF MARK MANRING

1. Rory Scovel “I found out last night that you’re a jerk if you hold a revolving door for a lady.” Bearded and soulful, Scovel bears a passing resemblance to Justin Vernon (Bon Iver) and is very nearly as funny. Sometimes he has a

Southern accent and sometimes he doesn’t, but he’s excellent in both cases, and his onstage impression of a man eating a really good cookie is among the greatest comedic performances I’ve seen. He’s on board to star in his own TBS sitcom (famous last words),

Learn Web Programming at the U of C this Summer! The Computer Science Department is offering a new version of CMSC 10200 in Summer 2013 featuring Ruby programming and Ruby on Rails, MWF June 24 to July 26 (five weeks).

2. Aparna Nancherla Women aren’t funny? I take Aparna Nancherla as evidence to the contrary. She’s been at it for a while now—I first caught her waaay back in 2006 when she appeared on NBC’s infamous Last Comic Standing—and it shows: Her sets are airtight, and she tells very funny jokes about pretty much everything except women and Indians (I mean she does a little bit, but still—the variety is there). She now writes for and performs on FX’s Totally Biased with Kamau Bell, and she’s up on stage eight days a week. Check out her act at Park West when she rolls through town this July. 3. Josh Ruben Best known for writing, directing and starring in a series of sometimes-funny Col-

lege Humor videos, Ruben also gets in front of the mic from time to time and pretty consistently slays. In a pandemic of “bored” comics, Ruben is manic and highly physical, with serviceable impressions of at least three famous actors. Thus far he has appeared as a bartender in a soap opera and someone named “Lamp Guy” in the 2012 shitfest For a Good Time, Call..., but his wit and symmetrical features (a rare combination) tell me that he’s on the cusp of MTV greatness. 4. Daniel Simonsen Dubbed “Best Newcomer” at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, Simonsen is Norway’s greatest (and, possibly, only) comedian. He’s sparse in his writing, but his act is all in the delivery, which is to say that his very thick accent sounds funny. Simonsen seems most at ease when delving into some of the more awkward aspects of human existence, and he possesses a deep understanding of the COMICS continued on page 12

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“Some of the work in here will be absolutely...fierce” BOOKS continued from page 8 the Iowa Writer’s Workshop and now is on the faculty of an M.F.A. program down in North Carolina. Some of the stories in this collection were previously published in The Atlantic Monthly. Yet in spite of her considerable institutional ties, Bobcat and Other Stories won’t be a boring collection to dip into intermittently this season. Consider this line from the title story, in which the hostess of a dinner party needs to tell her husband how to make a terrine: “It was like describing to somebody how to paint a Monet, how to turn the beauty of the earth into a blurry, intoxicating swirl, like something seen through the eyes of the dying.” It’s lines like these that convince me some of the work in here will be absolutely…fierce.

This seems to be the summer of books about American life: its history (a book version of the article James Agee originally submitted to Fortune magazine, which would later become Let Us Now Praise Famous Men); its decay (the Packer work I’ve listed here); and, mercifully, its glory days—that’s where DiScalfani’s debut novel comes in. According to a recent Times review, it is a pleasing blend of “the youngadult category and the historical romance.” This novel will offer, I expect, emotional richness of a different sort than Gaiman’s novel; it’s about a rich teenage girl who loves to ride horses and goes to boarding school after committing an unknown evil deed, a definite romping read. When it’s winding down, when the main love triangle has been tied up—or not—maybe Gatsby fever will have finally broken.

5. The Yonahlossee Riding Camp for Girls, by Anton DiScalfani


"Awake in Peace!" Interpreting, Seeking, and Combating Dreams in Ancient Egypt

Presented by Robert Ritner Professor of Egyptology, Oriental Institute, Department of Near Eastern Languages and Civilizations, Program on the Ancient Mediterranean World in the Deparment of Classics and in the College, The University of Chicago

—Emma Broder

Wednesday, June 5 at 7:00 pm

Simonsen understands “the intrinsic weirdness of telling jokes in front of people for money” COMICS continued from page 11 intrinsic weirdness of telling jokes in front of people for money. This dude is basically blowing up across the Channel; he’s booked through the summer in London and across the UK and has secured a spot on the new BBC sitcom House of Fools. He’ll be in your living room in 2014, whether you like it or not. 5. Jim Jefferies Jim Fuckin’ Jefferies. Probably the funniest thing to come out of Australia since the koala bear, Jim is doing his level best

Tour of museum led by Docent at 6:30 pm

Breasted Hall The Oriental Institute

to revive the lost art of comedic storytelling (some of his bits last well over 30 minutes), and his stuff is so offensive that it once earned him a punch in the face by a drunken fan. While his sold out theater performances and regular TV appearances make it hard to call him unknown, his popularity outside ’Straya and the UK could certainly do with boost, a boost he’ll likely receive when his quite funny and surprisingly touching comedy series Legit returns for a second season next year.

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Whitmore looks back on decorated All-American career Men’s Track & Field Isaac Stern Sports Staff For most of us, running is a dreaded workout that slowly puts us out of breath before draining our muscles entirely of their strength and eventually collapsing us upon couches where we proceed to munch on junk food. For others, it is a way of life. Fourth-year Billy Whitmore has run for four years on three varsity teams: cross country, indoor track and field, and outdoor track and field. He loves running. While running for the Maroons, he has had a slew of All-American performances, consistently placed at conference, won numerous meets, and been named MVP. The man is accomplished. “When I think of Billy, I reflect on someone that truly bought into the philosophy of growing through the process of training,” head coach Chris Hall said. “He was constantly challenging himself to improve. I often speak to our athletes about the goal of getting better every year for four years. Billy was clearly able to do this.” His first year he ran his signature event, the 5,000m run, in 15:53.18. Little did he know that by his final year, he would run the same distance in a blazing 14:30.53. “Back then, all I hoped to do was to make a difference on the team, let alone compete in the UAA or qualify for the NCAA championship,” Whitmore said. By Whitmore’s second year, he had changed his

mentality. He began to run with a sense that he should lead rather than follow. He set new goals and challenged himself in new ways, and improved his 5000m time by a minute that year. “People on the team started calling me ‘Wild Bill’ because I ran with such freedom and intensity that I looked like a runaway horse,” Whitmore said. “I found that I performed best when I was having fun.” From that point on, Whitmore dominated both within the conference and nationally, running most of his top performances in his third and fourth years. His times often ranked top 10 in the country, and his finishes earned numerous other accolades. His final year alone, Whitmore qualified to three separate national championships, and he was named an All-American twice. At cross country, indoor, and outdoor track and field Nationals, he finished the races 11th, 7th, and 12th, respectively. “I consider my biggest achievement to have been representing UChicago at the national championship my junior and senior years,” Whitmore said. “I feel that we have gained more recognition not just in academic rankings but also for our athletic accomplishments at the DIII level. I hope to have disproved the stereotype that all UChicago students are bookworms. We have some great athletes, too.” However, Whitmore’s successes ranked second to the other perks of running.

After four years of standout performances for the Maroons, All-American Billy Whitmore is set to graduate. COURTESY OF BILLY WHITMORE

The more time Whitmore spent getting better, the closer he became with his new family. His teammates and coaches pushed him to new limits and helped him accomplish his goals. Without them, he knows he only could have gone so far. “I want to thank my teammates, with whom I have enjoyed training through wind, rain, snow, etc., shared countless memories, and whose support was overwhelming. They helped push me to be the best I can be, and I hope to have done the same for

them,” Whitmore said. “Coach Hall has been a major influence and first challenged me to test the limits of my endurance. He believed in me and has been a huge motivator throughout my career.” Hall attributes Whitmore’s legacy as a runner at Chicago to his team focus and mentality. “His greatest value to our program was perhaps the example he set for others and the fact that the team aspect of our sport was truly the most important thing to him,” Hall said. “His teammates were

extraordinarily supportive of him and the reason for that is that they were so important to him and his development as a runner.” Now, with the season over, Whitmore has seen his last race as a South Sider. But while running for the Maroons, he put a team focus on a sport many view as an individual effort. Luckily, his time on the teams will remain fresh on the minds of Chicago runners for years to come, and hopefully, it will serve as a guide to follow the path he has already completed. “ We have had a lot of

athletes succeed at a high level at Chicago, but Billy is arguably one of the best in our distance program’s history,” Hall said. “ We are very much going to miss him but feel he. along with his senior teammates, helped to create a culture within our program that will allow us to be successful for years to come.” Whitmore will graduate with a major in comparative human development in the coming weeks and hopes to one day work with a focus on marketing and sales.

Women’s lacrosse team comes together for best season yet Club Sports Spotlight: Women’s Lacrosse Derek Tsang Sports Staff Chicago’s women’s lacrosse club is coming off of their best season in recent memory, and the future looks even rosier. Between making the playoffs for the first time since 2006, an influx of talented first years, and burgeoning team chemistry on and off the field, the Maroons are confident that their success this season wasn’t a fluke. “Our expectations for next year are that we continue down the path we’re heading,” third-year cocaptain Lynn Garrett said. This year, the South Siders qualified for the Women’s Collegiate Lacrosse League DII playoffs via a wild card and, according to Garrett, the team thinks it can win their conference next year. After going 3–8 in 2011, the squad turned an 8–2 season last year by tearing apart a bevy of overmatched clubs. They won every game they played against teams

with losing records, often by lopsided margins. This year, against stronger competition, the Maroons went 5–5, but that doesn’t reflect the quality of their season. Three of their losses came against rivals Lake Forest (18–2), and the other two came in two- and one-goal games against DePaul (8–1) and Saint Louis (4– 3), respectively. Co-Captain Lucy Peterson, a fourth-year, is confident that her squad can reverse their losing streak against Lake Forest. Each of their three losses this year was closer than the last. “We hold our own when we play them, especially considering we rarely have subs, and they have enough players to field more than two full teams. I have faith that we can beat them next year,” Peterson said. One of the reasons for the team’s recent success is the injection of talent that came with the Class of 2016; roughly half of the team

is in their first year, snared by the club’s recruitment during the fall and during RSO fairs during prospie visits. With the new group of athletes, “we became a young and enthusiastic team,” Peterson said, “which really added the final push that allowed us to do well.” The team is player-run, so they don’t have any coaches. Instead, the captains handle the logistics that come with competition, and the team takes a democratic approach to decisions, with each team member getting a say. Garrett cited scheduling practice space and games as a difficulty, as varsity and intramural sports get precedence at Stagg and for indoor spaces during the winter. “However,” she said, “we’ve figured out most of the logistics by now, and it is nice to be an independent organization that does handle all of its administrative aspects.” As far as club teams go, the women’s lacrosse team is relatively serious. Most of the players have expe-

rience in the sport dating back to high school or even middle school, and the team meets on the Midway to put in two hours of practice time five days a week. They compete during the fall and train during the winter before going through their dense spring season. All the time the team has spent together on the field has helped cement their camaraderie off it. “Playing so many games in such a short amount of time meant we were together often, and we jelled as a team,” first-year Charlotte Franklin said. “These tighter friendships also really improved our game.” “We spend a lot of time together,” said first-year Tayryn Edwards, who earned All-Conference honors during the spring season. “Far more than grade-fearing UChicago students should.” That chemistry is something that’s emerged this year in particular. “In previous years, the team was cohesive for sure,” Peterson said.

“But this year, the team is pretty much a friend group in itself.” Despite the association of lacrosse with East Coast prepschools and lax bros, the club has diversity in almost every regard, from majors to personalities to hometowns. “Trying to characterize our team is a feat in and of itself,” Edwards said. “We are such an eclectic group of individuals, but I will say that we are, in the spirit of alliteration, gifted gabby goofs with gumption.” That vibrant sense of community is another one of the reasons why the club is clicking on the field. “We’ve really tried to emphasize team bonding,” Garrett said. “And it really shows. Our teamwork on the field has greatly improved.” For their upcoming season, the squad is considering adding on a coach to help take them to the next level, and they’ve been working out with their counterparts on the men’s lacrosse club.



Wright: “I missed feeling in-over-my-head challenged, having to even catch up intellectually” WRIGHT continued from back

in-over-my-head challenged, having to even catch up intellectually.” These factors, combined with Wright’s passion for poverty alleviation, education reform, and the anti-human trafficking initiative were enough for him to announce his retirement in July 2011. Wright said he felt business school would develop his analytical and strategic skills in order to become an effective leader. Surprisingly, acceptance to what some acknowledge as the top

business school in the world was not an arduous process for the man seven years removed from the classroom. “I should be honest about how ignorant I was about what business school really entailed,” Wright said. “People will be mad at me who really spend a lot of time trying to prepare to get into the top business school. I just decided to take the GMAT; I took one of the online courses.” That was enough to place Wright in the 97th percentile of GMAT takers, and inevitably he received acceptance to Booth.

“I chose Booth for a few reasons – its reputation for analytical rigor; I didn’t want to come out of business school just having amplified my strength which is soft skills,” Wright said. “They made me feel like I was someone unique who would not just take something but provide something.” Unfortunately, upon arriving at Booth, Wright felt anything but empowered. “I definitely had to spend a lot more time in my school work than my peers to catch up,” Wright said. “I had amazing

classmates that were willing to offer their expertise.” Throughout his time at Booth, Wright’s primary involvement has been with First Principals. The non-profit and finalist in Booth’s Social New Venture Challenge provided executive teaching to 12 elementary and high school principals in its pilot program this past year. First Principals will include around 30 principals next year. Upon graduation, Wright will take the skills he has gained at Booth, in the gridiron, and through his non-profit work to

Fourth-year to graduate having broken 12 school records CYGAN continued from back

was a big part of the team’s success—she held her opponents to a .177 batting average, and was named to the all-region and allconference teams. “Junior year was definitely my best year as a pitcher,” Cygan said. While the 2013 season didn’t quite measure up to last spring, Cygan remained a force to be reckoned with. In one of her final games, she pitched a no-hitter, the first of her career, against Beloit, pitching five innings and striking out 11 batters. Cygan’s athletic career may be over now, but she won’t be forgotten any time soon. Not only has she had a big influence

on her team, she has made considerable changes to the record books, breaking 12 records in her four years. “I will probably miss most the competition and playing on and for a team,” Cygan said. While Cygan’s ability as a pitcher has certainly had a positive effect on the team, her leadership was just as valuable. A captain for three years, she truly enjoyed supporting her teammates and the role she played in shaping the team. “I loved being able to have a different relationship with the coaches as a team leader,” Cygan said. “Being able to talk through many team-related issues and bounce ideas off of them was a

very rewarding experience.” Besides being a leader on the field, Cygan was also president of the Women’s Athletic Association (WAA). The WAA represents the University’s female athletes and organizes various events around campus, including the annual Hoops for Hyde Park Schools fundraising raffle, which raises money for the physical education departments of local schools. Cygan has helped organize the event for the last two years. Through her leadership and skill in softball, Cygan has accomplished a great deal over four years. It will be a big task to replace her presence in the team. “It’s hard to imagine her not

being a member of this team, and her enthusiasm and passion for the game will be missed,” McManus said. Though Cygan will be sad to leave her team behind, she is ready to start her job and new life downtown once she graduates. “I have absolutely loved being a student-athlete here at UChicago and am so thankful for the opportunity,” Cygan said. “I have learned so much from my teammates and coaches, and I know I will carry those friendships for years down the road. Graduating and becoming a retired athlete is, of course, a little bittersweet, but I cannot wait for the next stage of my life.”

McKinsey & Company as a consultant. The firm works with organizations across public, private, and social sectors. “It gives me an opportunity to climb the learning curve as far as having an impact,” he said. With everything Wright has accomplished in just over 30 years, his childhood aspiration of becoming a doctor on a spaceship may not be all that far-fetched after all. For the full version of this article, go to www.chicagomaroon. com.

New coach wants team of well-rounded student-athletes SOCCER continued from back

Babst graduated from Boston College, where he played goalkeeper, in 1999, and also has a law degree from Pittsburgh. These dual degrees go hand-inhand with his coaching style: he is focused on both elements to the title “student-athlete.” “[I want to coach at Chicago] to be a head coach at one of the world’s top universities and to have the opportunity to lead a team of talented and well-rounded student-athletes has been my goal since I began coaching,” he said.

Premedicine and Professional Health Careers The Premedicine and Professional Health Careers program prepares students interested in applying to medical school and other healthrelated programs. The concentrations are designed for students who have not completed the courses generally required for admission to these schools. All courses offer undergraduate credit. Concentrations s Premedicine s Prenursing s Prephysician Assistant

s Preclinical Psychology s Prephysical Therapy

The winter quarter application deadline is November 1. 312-503-4682



2012-2013 ATHLETE AWARDS Female Athlete of the Year: Julia Sizek, Cross Country and Track After four years of successful competition for the Maroons, fourth-year Julia Sizek is graduating. Undeniably one of the most accomplished athletes in Maroon history, Sizek ran for cross country, indoor track and field, and outdoor track and field; consistently made Nationals appearances; and was named to All-Conference teams several times over. This year, Sizek finished fourth and 16th in the 10,000-meter and 5,000-meter with times of 35:54.67 and 17:22.33 respectively. In addition to personal records in both events, Sizek also earned All-American status in all three sports to cap off her long list of achievements. Team captain this year for both cross country and track and field, Sizek is an inspiration to her teammates and has left an enduring mark on Chicago running.

Honorable mentions: Sara Kwan, Soccer; Megan Tang, Tennis

Female Rookie of the Year: Ciara Hu, Swimming In her first season swimming for the Maroons, firstyear Ciara Hu made quite the splash. Though already a strong swimmer upon arriving at Chicago, Hu improved steadily throughout the year to take second and third at the UAA Conference Championships in the 400-yard and 200-yard IM with times of 4:26.93 and 2:06.66 respectively. Hu then advanced to the NCAA D-III Championships in the 200-yard butterfly and 400-yard IM, and finished eighth and 10th, respectively. Besides having the highest individual placement out of all South Siders that competed, Hu also earned All-American status as a first-year. This year was an impressive start to what is sure to be a great athletic career for the young Maroon.

Honorable mentions: Catherine Young, Track and Field; Maren Loe, Volleyball

Team of the Year: Women’s Tennis The expectations were not high for the women’s tennis team this year. After winning the UAA Championships, taking second at the NCAA National Championships, and graduating its three top performers (Kendra Higgins, Jennifer Kung, and Carmen VacaGuzman) last year, the Maroons were left with a new coaching staff and one upperclassman (second-year Linden Li). But they persevered. Led by second-year Megan Tang at No. 1 singles and No. 1 doubles, the Maroons amassed an 18–6 record. They garnered third place at the ITA Indoor National Championships, the most prestigious tournament behind the NCAA National Championships. By winning its fifth straight Midwest Invite, Chicago sealed its rank as the top team in the Central Region. After losing to Wash U in regular season play, the South Siders redeemed themselves by defeating their rivals 6–3 to claim third place in the UAA Championships. In front of their home crowd, the Maroons clinched their fifth straight NCAA Regional title before falling in the national quarterfinal. This young team will undoubtedly improve upon its successes in years to come.

Honorable mention: Volleyball

Male Athlete of the Year: Billy Whitmore, Cross Country and Track Billy Whitmore’s legacy goes the distance. Since his arrival at the University of Chicago, Whitmore has represented cross country, indoor track and field, and outdoor track and field as well as any male athlete in the history of the programs. Throughout his career, Whitmore has won a multitude of meets, garnered various All-American honors, has been a team MVP, and sat at the top of the record books. In his fourth and final year, Whitmore went out with a bang. In cross country, he earned his second straight All-American nod after representing the Maroons with an 11th-place finish and a time of 24:47.6 at the NCAA Division III Championships. At the NCAA Indoor Track & Field Championships, Whitmore’s seventh place for his 14:36:39 mark earned the standout his second All-American honor of the year. And in the final race of his career, Whitmore took 12th in the 5,000m with a time of 14:43:53 at the NCAA Division III Outdoor Track and Field Championships. Whitmore’s days at Chicago may be ending, but his influence will long outrun his outstanding four-year career.

Honorable mentions: Dee Brizzolara, Football and Track and Field; Jack Cinoman, Baseball

Male Rookie of the Year: Jorge Bilbao, Soccer The first-year was a revelation in the Maroons’ midfield this season, picking up nine goals and two assists in 17 games. Three goals and an assist in conference play were enough to secure Bilbao the UAA Rookie of the Year award and earned him an All-UAA Honorable Mention. Bilbao was a vital attacking presence for a Maroon team that played the majority of its games with a single striker. Whether he was playing off the striker or in a deeper-lying playmaker role, Bilbao was an offensive threat, averaging over four shots a game. In a season full of highlights, perhaps his standout moment came in the conference game against Brandeis at Stagg Field. Bilbao exchanged passes with secondyear Kyle Kurfirst before slotting home for the gamewinning goal and handing Brandeis its first loss of the season.

Honorable mentions: Jordan Smith, Basketball; Vincent Beltrano, Football

Coach of the Year: Jay Tee, Men’s and Women’s Tennis The men’s and women’s tennis teams have had a different shared head coach for each of the past three seasons. But, it looks like they’ve finally found a keeper. His aspirations tower as tall as his height, and Jay Tee has proven himself the best head coach at the University of Chicago this year. Unlike his predecessors, Tee engaged his players in a strict strength and conditioning regimen. This had a greatly positive impact on his young and inexperienced teams. The women’s team was consistently ranked in the top 10 nationally while, after starting the season unranked, the men’s team ended the season in the top 30. Even with expectations low for the women’s squad, Tee embraced the challenge, and Chicago earned third place at the ITA National Indoor Championships, first at the Midwest Invite, and first in the NCAA Regional Tournament. Although Tee was hired on an interim basis, the University of Chicago Athletic Department need look no further for its permanent head coach.

Honorable mention: Vanessa Walby. Volleyball


IN QUOTES “Congrats to the pacers @pacers great win in OT tonite! You will destroy san antonio in finals.” —@JoseCanseco tries to predict the future before tip-off of Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals. The Heat won 99–76.

From field to Booth, former Arizona Cardinal takes on next challenge Alexander Sotiropoulos Senior Sports Staff Jason Wright had his mind set from an early age. “I wanted to be a doctor on a spaceship,” Wright said of his childhood aspirations. Although that career goal never came to fruition, Wright, at only 30 years of age, has enjoyed a considerable amount of success. He was a running machine at Northwestern where he finished his career as the Wildcats’ fourth all-time leading rusher, enjoyed a seven-year career in the NFL, and after retiring in 2011, enrolled in the Booth School of Business where he is currently finishing his final quarter of studies. As if his resume is not already impressive enough, the M.B.A. candidate is a board member for First Principals, a non-profit organization that provides pro bono executive leadership coaching to public school principals. Wright’s status as a leader both on and off the field is largely credited to his parents. Along with a strict focus on education, Wright’s father Sam took the time to develop Jason’s football abilities, and, thanks to a stellar high school career, the California native landed a spot in Big Ten powerhouse’s Northwestern squad. But the high school star’s rise hit a few stumbling blocks early

on in his collegiate career. As a psychology (pre-medicine) major playing DI football, Wright could not immediately strike a balance between his athletic and academic career. To make matters worse, Wright did not have the opportunity to pursue the running back position, so he was forced into the wide receiver spot and played on special teams. Even though the Wildcat’s minutes were restricted, he said football helped with his academic performance. “Football was good academically in that it gave me a lot of structure,” he said. “With football, you only have a limited amount of time. You couldn’t just say, ‘I’m going to get my homework done at some point during the day.’” By his junior year, Wright was an Academic All–Big Ten selection, and he finally received the opportunity he had been waiting for. In his first game as the starting running back, Wright rushed for 107 yards in a 26–21 victory over Duke. With that performance, Wright was named Northwestern’s starting running back and closed the year with 1,234 rushing yards, which ranked sixthbest on NU’s single-season list. For his efforts, Wright was selected as an honorable mention All–Big Ten running back.

“As an All–Big Ten selection, you definitely start to think, ‘Wow, the NFL is a big possibility,’” he said. “So, while I now expected to get a shot at the NFL, I don’t think I believed I was going to have a career, as far as the seven-year career I had.” Despite continuing to pursue the medical profession (he scored in the 92nd percentile of the MCAT) Wright remained a force on the gridiron, earning Second Team All–Big Ten honors in his senior year. But that was just a precursor to what would be an extremely hectic 2004. Wright was not drafted to the NFL in 2004, but the San Francisco 49ers picked him up as an undrafted free agent. Within days of his signing, the former Northwestern standout was released. “There’s nothing like being 22-years-old and being fired immediately,” Wright said. “I was sitting at home in my parents’ house after that thinking to myself, ‘What the heck just happened?’” After bouncing around the NFL for a few years, including stints at the Atlanta Falcons and Cleveland Browns, Wright was offered a two-million-dollar, two-year contract with the Arizona Cardinals. He was at a new high in his career, but by the end of the 2010–

Current Booth student Jason Wright was one of Northwestern’s all-time leading scorers before joining the NFL in 2004. He’s graduating this year. COURTESY OF NORTHWESTERN ATHLETICS

2011 season, Wright was ready to leave the NFL. “My wife and I approached everything very carefully, so it was the combination of the very real fact that this NFL window

was coming to a close. If nothing else… how we were being led [by God] in that aspect,” Wright said. “I also wasn’t enjoying football as much…I missed feeling WRIGHT continued on page 14

Cygan a leader on and off the field Babst named as men’s soccer coach Softball Tatiana Fields Associate Sports Editor After 367 strikeouts, 417.1 innings pitched, and 60 games started, fourthyear Kim Cygan is graduating, leaving behind a lasting impression on her team. The pitcher completed her final season this year, and her leadership will be sorely missed. From her first season on the team, Cygan made her mark. She pitched 18 games, starting 10 of them, and struck out 75

Men’s Soccer batters as a first-year. In her second year, she was promoted to starting pitcher and captain, positions she would keep for the rest of her Maroon career. Cygan is a natural leader, and her teammates are full of respect for her commitment to the team and the sport. “Kim’s dedication to our team and her work ethic make her a great leader and someone we can all respect,” third-year teammate Maddie McManus said. “She is an amazing

pitcher and softball player. She is very supportive of her teammates and it has been an honor to play with her.” Although Cygan was a strong performer in all four of the seasons in which she played, her third year stands out. She started 20 games and finished the season with a 0.99 ERA, a personal best and the sixth-lowest ERA in all of DIII. The team finished the year with a 26–11 record, and Cygan CYGAN continued on page 14

Pitcher Kim Cygan, a graduating senior, stands in preparation for a pitch in a game against Wheaton earlier this year. TIFFANY TAN | THE CHICAGO MAROON

Sam Zacher Associate Sports Editor Last Wednesday, Mike Babst was announced as the new head coach of the men’s soccer team. Babst joins the Maroons from Northwestern, which has finished first in the Big Ten regular season standings for the last two seasons. Last year, the Wildcats went on to the NCAA DI Tournament, losing to No. 10 Louisville. Before coaching in Evanston, Babst served as an assistant coach at the University of South Carolina. He then spent only one season at Northwestern, but he made his mark. With Babst coaching the goalkeepers, Wildcat second-year Tyler Miller made First Team All–Big Ten as a keeper. “[I believe I bring] an ability to identify the potential in each studentathlete and to challenge them to convert that potential into a valuable role on the field,” Babst said. Chicago hasn’t achieved as much as they’ve hoped in recent years, finish-

ing sixth in the UAA last season and seventh both of the two years before that. However, the future seems bright; all but two players from this year’s squad will be returning in the fall. “Last year we did a lot of things well. We played hard and were on the wrong end of some close games,” second-year captain Kyle Kurfirst said. “Unfortunately we missed the postseason, which is always disappointing, but we have a great foundation with some strong talent, and I think we can build a formidable team moving forward.” The Maroons, who finished 8–4–5 last season, are hoping Babst can help round out the team’s rough edges. “One aspect we can focus on improving is our performance late in games,” Kurfirst said. “We gave up some tough goals in the closing minutes and in overtime [last season], which resulted in some frustrating losses and ties. If we were able to close out some of those

games, it’s a different season.” Babst has his eyes set on the prize. “Our goal is to compete for a UAA title every year,” Babst said. “If we can be right at the top of the league every year, then I believe we will have the potential to do something special at the national level.” Assistant coach Michael Madero was the interim coach during the search for the new head coach. He will begin his eighth season with Chicago next season, now under the rookie head coach Babst. “I think Coach Babst has a great knowledge for the game, and his leadership will be key for us to mature as a team,” Kurfirst said. “He brings in a new perspective and may be the catalyst our team needs to get over the hump and get back to the postseason. I think some of the focus will be placed on creating an even stronger team culture and making sure everyone is on the same page.” SOCCER continued on page 14

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