NORTH IDAHO LUXURY LIFESTYLE | Spring 2017

GOLF IS A FAMILY AFFAIR A conversation with my golfing buddies during a recent round at the Club revealed some interesting similarities in the way we all seem to view the relationships we share with our golf clubs. It got me thinking... If our golf clubs are a family, then what stereotypical family member roles most accurately describe each club? Here’s what I think: It all starts with at the top with the Driver. The Big Dog. Chief. It’s the Dad of the bag—the head of your golf-gear household. And when Driver is happy, productive and in command, everyone else seems to work together more harmoniously. But when Driver is cranky, hungry, over-worked and stubborn, then watch out! It’s likely going to be a really long day. You might even get smacked upside the head a time or two. In some extreme cases, you can make do without a Driver/Dad, but it really puts pressure on the rest of the family.

The truth is that at the core of the game, at golf’s most basic level, enjoyment is derived from hitting the snot out of the ball. Perhaps Michael Murphy was right, and it’s an innate reminder of our hunter/gatherer days, and seeing the ball in flight is reminiscent of a stick or stone on its way to bring down our next meal. Maybe it’s the human desire to fly. Maybe it’s just so much fun to hit something farther than we can throw it. Who knows?

I do know this. I’d much rather smash the ball off the tee for eighteen holes, miss a few greens, putt like a hack, and shoot a mediocre score, than I would rather scrape, clank and fight with Driver/Dad all day, and then grind like a gear-shifter around the greens to salvage a respectable score. Golf is simply just more enjoyable when Dad is happy and I hit the Driver well, regardless of my final score on the day.

The long and short of the golf family is this—if Driver is the Dad, then your wedges are the Mother. Mommy Wedges is the glue that holds everything together. She’s calm, consistent and dependable. A soft place to land after a missed shot or a long day. She cleans up our messes, keeps things neat and tidy, and maybe most importantly, puts food on the table. (Any professional golfer will tell you that their money is made with their wedges from 100 yards and in.) Mommy Wedges can be a bit boring at times, but that’s just the way we like her, no, rely on her, to be.

Have you ever noticed that your Wedges and Putter don’t always get along? That’s because the Putter is like a Girlfriend, and she’ll never finish things exactly the way your Mom wants her to. Like loading the dishwasher, or saving pars. The Putter is like a girl you’ve been dating for a few years, but just can’t seem to make a long-term commitment to. You enjoy dating her, you might even love her (or so it seems), and you’ll take her proudly on your arm to even the most important work or social event, but if she gets a little crazy from time to time, or three putts the eighteenth green in a money match, you’ll leave her in an instant. No regrets.

Sometimes the only way to get your Putter to work harder is to make her jealous. You might get an occasional itch to look for something new—at the bar down the street, or on the rack at the Golf Shop. Go ahead, scratch it. There’s no need to feel guilty. Take a New Putter off the rack. Hold her in your calloused hands. Feel her soft grip. Give her a stroke. Take her on a date. Maybe to the putting green. Maybe even to the course. Buy her a drink.

Whisper in her ear. Get a little boozy and dance with her. See if she’s easier to line up than your Old Putter. See if you can scoop up a ball off the ground with the back of her blade. Once you can convince your Current Putter that you’re honestly considering another, she just might start to make more putts for you. But if not, then the break-up can be made official by stripping off the New Putter’s... price tag.

Keep your Old Putter’s number in the little black book though. She’ll likely be back again some day. Because the grass is rarely greener. After all, you did bring you with you into the new relationship. What did you expect? Who knows, maybe someday you’ll run into your Old Putter in the dusty corner of the garage, your golf locker, or trunk, and you’ll remember how much fun she was to stroke in the first place.

Your 3-Wood is like your goofy, crazy, fun-Uncle. Everybody loves it when he’s hanging around and he’s in a good mood. He’s fairly reliable when he’s on. But when he’s bad, he’s rotten. Just watch a Raiders game with him, or get a few too many drinks in him, or both, and like his political views, it doesn’t take long for things to left. Hard left. Hooked through the trees, out of bounds, over the fence and off the neighbor’s roof into the pool left.

Sometimes when Uncle 3-Wood is bad it’s the topped-roller, the thinned-bullet, or the dreaded fat-stab. But usually, just like every good player I know, when Crazy Uncle 3-Wood comes to town, you have to fear a hook.

This makes 5-Wood like your favorite Aunt. Everybody loves to hit their Auntie 5-Wood. She’s easy going, fearless, flies high and lands soft. Just not everybody makes a decision to carry one. I don’t understand why. It’s just not cool, or masculine, I guess. She’s into art, not sports. Sure, Auntie 5-Wood might forget to shave her legs, or wear a little too much perfume and lipstick. She might even sneak off to the side of the house and have a smoke. You can smell it on her breath and hear it in her voice. And at the end of the day, she’s by far the most laid back and easy-going member of the bunch. She’s everyone’s favorite club, but not everyone likes to admit it.