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The Romma Volume 78, Number 13
Pulling Longwood's Leg Since 1920
April 1,1999
Rotunda Newspaper Editors Jailed for Hostage Situation PRESS RELEASE Early Wednesday morning, the editors of The Rotunda were arrested for numerous offenses. Melissa Gill, a sophomore, was arrested for drug smuggling, attempting to murder the newspaper staff, and for her role in the violent protest to the campus police about the overflow of parking tickets. Knsten Ingram, a freshman, was arrested for possession and distribution of narcotics, assault and battery on the newspaper staff, and malicious wounding. The two were arrested inside The Rotunda office on Wednesday evening. The two had taken the newspaper staff hostage as a result of their late work and gossip.
Many staff members had been complaining of forced labor and all-nighters in the office with no food, drinks, or breaks. Some say that sometime in the middle of the day, the two had just snapped under the pressure ofthe deadlines. The women locked the staff in the office. There was a call to the Farmville Police from the women demanding Mountain Dew, pizza, and working computers. When the items were delivered, the staff would go home unharmed.
When their plan failed, they at-, tempted to escape through the office window. They had already set up a trap outside to distract po-
lice. Apparently, the two almost escaped when they put up a huge donut outside as a distraction to
the Farmville police. An onlooker stated, "I thought for sure that they were gonna outsmart the cops with the giant donut! Had it not been for the FBI, they would have easily gotten away." Gill had been in the watchful eye of the campus police ever since her role in the earlier protest about the "Wynne incident." Many police say she is also responsible for uncovering the scandals and secrets of Longwood College that got many higher-ups fired. As she was
forced into the police car, she was screaming, "It's all a huge conspiracy! I must uncover it before they get me too!" Ingram was a suspect in the wounding of all members of an off-campus fraternity. Ingram snuck in after a frat party and tattooed the letter "K" onto the men's foreheads and all over the walls of the house. When asked why she did such a thing, she commented, "K is offensive!! You must watch out for K! It is the evil letter! It must be removed!" No one was hurt in the incident. Both women are pleading temporary insanity to the charges. The question still remains, will The Rotunda ever be the same?
Sex, Lies, and Clinton: Dining Hall Construction Workers to How These Relate to Lecture on Sexual Harassment Longwood College MELISSA GILL Rotunda Junkie
DANIELLE RECAME Clinton Fanatic Clinton is coining to Farmville! Yes, you are reading correctly. President Clinton is coming to little old Longwood College on Friday, April 2.1999, at 8 p.m. in Jarman. Clinton is going to speak to students about how to twist words around when trying to get out of an assignment, how important it is to do laundry when your clothes are dirty, how to B.S. your way through or lie on a test, where to get your cigars and how to use them, and why Diet Coke is the beverage of choice after a sexual experience. Poetry books and ties will be on
sale in the lobby for the student's pleasure. On Saturday, April 3, Clinton and Ken Starr are going to play golf (which is open to any student that wishes to join). For those that are not golf fans, Monica Lewinsky and Hillary Clinton will be in the Cafe from 11-2 to answer any questions that Clinton did not cover-up the night before. Lewinsk will demonstrate how to clean your knees after they get dirty and which hats to wear for certain occasions. This is going to be a very informative lecture that no one will want to miss.
In a rare show of gentlemanly behavior, the dining hall construction workers are holding a lecture called How to Cope with Sexual Harassment. The lecture is open to al! Longwood students and _ will be held in the Hull Au- »i, ditorium on April 7, 1999 * at 8 pm. The lecture was put together due to the harassment the workers have gotten from many Longwood women. Last week, many sorority pledges were sent to the administration for harassing the construction workers. Many stood by the gale yelling and whistling at the men as they speedily worked on
our dining hall. One upset construction worker commented, "It really hurts us when people yell crude things at us. We are not pieces of meat to
Photo by Allison Beverly be gawked at. We have feelings just like every other human being." In an ironic twist, the women of Longwood College attempted
to say that the construction workers were harassing them. Some women claimed that every time they walked by the site, the workers gawked, whistled, and made rude comments to them. The Rotunda even dropped the I workers numerous times in Z the Props and Drops colI umn. But after a brief investigation by the campus police, a it was determined that the £ women were not being haK rassed by the men. It was * exactly the opposite, the women were harassing the men. The women should be ashamed of themselves! Harassing inniceat men who are just doing there job! Truly, this has been a dark year for Longwod College.
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