1970-2025
Scene
REWIND: 1972 YEARS
show at John Carroll in
We weren’t wrong. RIP Brian Wilson.
UPFRONT
A CLARK-FULTON RESIDENT TURNED HER YARD INTO A COTTAGE GARDEN. CLEVELAND TOOK HER TO COURT
JUST ABOUT AS SOON AS TANISHA
Caravello and her husband moved to Cleveland, she yearned to cover every inch of her yard in plants.
She wanted a cottage garden, an old English-style approach to horticulture, which led to Caravello and her husband, Jeremy, planting 46 plant species from the edge of her front sidewalk to the fringe of her backyard shed.
Her taste ran the gamut. By Caravello’s first spring in Clark-Fulton, in 2017, there were a plethora of native and non-native flowers blooming— Ring of Fire sunflowers, Black Eyed Susans, Daisy Gloriosas, Italian oregano to eat, faux strawberry to combat weeds, Shasta daises and Siberian Wallflowers.
“I just love that feeling of creating an ecosystem,” Caravello, 50, said from a table in her dining room off West 41st Street. “I don’t have kids. So it’s my way of creating life, I guess.”
“And kids walk by—they’re so excited,” she added. “Their eyes get all big and whatnot. It makes people smile.”
Everyone except for, it turns out, the Cleveland Department of Building & Housing.
In March, Caravello received a criminal complaint in the mail from Cleveland Municipal Court accusing her of committing a misdemeanor.
Last September, the complaint reads, an inspector for Building & Housing cited Caravello’s yard for allegedly being host to a collection of “noxious weeds,” a wide category of plants that, as city code reads, can “aggravate hay fever, asthma, allergic respiratory reaction, or similar conditions.”
Caravello was charged with one count of a minor misdemeanor—“High grass and weeds”—and she would have to show up to court and pay a $95 fine, or take the developing case to trial.
Ends that don’t give Caravello much confidence in the legal system.
“I will keep on getting fined because I’m changing nothing!” Caravello said. “Like, these are flowers. They’re in my yard. I don’t get it. Like, what am I doing wrong?”
Since 2023, Mayor Justin Bibb has beefed up his Building & Housing Department to crack down on negligent homeowners and faraway landlords in a program dubbed Residents First, which carries weighty fines if stairs aren’t repaired or roofs aren’t fixed. Fines and repair costs can climb into the tens of thousands.
But these new laws, intended to bring Cleveland’s aging housing stock into the 21st century, can also mean tricky cases that can seem oddities in the legal system. That is, everyday Clevelanders being brought to court on criminal charges for a precise interpretation of city code those Clevelanders previously knew nothing about.
Which seems to be the case of Caravello and her garden off West 41st.
A case equally perplexing to her husband, Jeremy Kurtti. “Many of our neighbors have always supported us: ‘Your yard is beautiful.’” he said in a phone call. “And yet it’s a criminal misdemeanor.”
Kurtti said he thinks this is simply
an instance of poor judgment on the inspector’s part. Especially considering the inspector snapped a “blurry” picture, Kurtti noted, in the fall.
“And probably he’s just not used to seeing this style of gardening,” he said. “I mean, I haven’t seen that many like ours around here.”
“This is nothing new, as the City of Cleveland has always required that homeowners cut their lawns rather than letting the grass grow, which is considered a nuisance and a sign of neglect,” a city spokesperson told Scene. And that Caravello is a “part of a growing trend of homeowners choosing to plant grasses and let them grow without cutting them—whether that’s because they like the way it looks or for other reasons. Regardless of their motivation, doing so violates the City’s longstanding requirements.”
In April, Caravello and Kurtti showed up to court to meet Michael Glazer, the city attorney prosecuting them. Caravello, who studied plant biology and molecular sciences at the University of California, brought a
Photo by Mark Oprea
printout of every single one of the 46 species of plant on her property. None, she said, were on Ohio’s nuisance plant list.
In fact, she and Kurtti had been here before. Back in 2018, two years after they relocated to Cleveland from Astoria, Oregon, the two were fined by Building & Housing for similar charges. Caravello paid the ticket and court costs.
But today’s different. Caravello and her husband want to sell the house they’ve repaired and move to Bangor, Maine. And not drag an open misdemeanor case over plants with them. (Glazer declined to comment to Scene on the case.)
“I just feel kind of screwed,” she said. “I just want it to stop.”
“If I knew for sure that I could pay the $95,” she added, “and have them just leave me alone for the last two or months that I’m here? Then, I would.”
Outside, Caravello walked a thin trail to her backyard, where yet-toblossom Black Eyed Susans craned next to Tiger Lillies. She walked to the front yard, equally covered in flowers grown up to one’s hips or stomach.
As Caravello tended to one of her violet crocus plants, a car drove by on West 41st. “Love it!” a woman yelled.
“See?” Caravello said, standing up. “People do that all the time. All they see here is a beautiful garden.”
“And here am I,” she added, with a laugh. “The criminal gardener.” –Mark Oprea
Cuyahoga Deputy Who Shot at Two Teens Was Deemed Unfit for Suburban Force
A Cuyahoga County sheriff’s deputy involved in separate shootings of two teenagers while assigned to a controversial downtown patrol unit was once deemed unfit by a suburban police force, an investigation by The Marshall Project - Cleveland and News 5 Cleveland has found.
During a nine-month stint with the Mentor Police Department, personnel records show Isen Vajusi failed his field training, lacked confidence, had “difficulty in stressful situations,” and “hesitates because he is afraid of making a mistake.”
This article was published in partnership with News 5 Cleveland.
Supervisors found Vajusi’s performance so poor that he needed to be terminated. He resigned Oct. 15, 2021, Mentor police records show.
After a year on the East Cleveland police force, Vajusi joined the Sheriff’s Department in June 2023. Within weeks, he was elevated to Sheriff Harold Pretel’s fledgling downtown safety patrol to target crime hotspots.
Then came the shootings involving Vajusi, along with an unrelated deadly pursuit.
Despite the gunfire and growing concerns over potential liability and costs, Cuyahoga County Council members backed down from threats of suspending the patrol.
Efforts to reach Vajusi for comment were unsuccessful. A county spokesperson declined to make him available.
The two shootings by Vajusi — in October 2024 and May — are strikingly similar. In each instance, Vajusi opened fire within seconds of exiting his cruiser. He can be heard repeatedly claiming the teens were armed, but neither was.
Two police experts who reviewed the bodycam videos and Vajusi’s personnel files said there are numerous red flags necessitating scrutiny of the deputy. Statistics show most officers rarely fire their weapons during their career.
“This guy is not wired to be a cop,” said Jeff Wenninger, the founder and CEO of Ohio-based Law Enforcement Consultants LLC. “He was so scrutinized for not being assertive and taking control of situations. The pendulum just swung way too far in the correction of that. He is just over the top.”
Wenninger retired as a lieutenant after over 30 years with the Los Angeles Police Department, supervising over 700 critical use-of-force investigations.
Pretel would not say if Sheriff’s Department officials reviewed Vajusi’s personnel files from Mentor or East Cleveland. His Cuyahoga County personnel file contained none of the documents.
“Right now, I don’t have all those details,” Pretel said. “I’m not going to get into that discussion right now.”
The news outlets asked the county for any background investigations conducted on the unit’s deputies, but none has been provided.
Nine pages of Mentor Police Department records outline Vajusi’s poor performance:
He graduated from John Carroll University and said he pursued a police job after not being accepted to medical school. He then took police exams across Northeast Ohio and the Cleveland Division of Police hired him, but he resigned after one week, in December 2020.
Vajusi later graduated from the Cuyahoga Community College police academy in June 2021. While there, he was “horse-playing” and slammed another cadet into a training car, denting the door. Vajusi delayed reporting the incident and apologized, calling it “not a true testament of my character.” Wenninger, the police expert, dis -
agrees, saying Vajusi’s delay depicts a character flaw. The integrity issue should have brought a swift termination, he said.
“We call that lying and denying it,” he said. “What was he contemplating during the time that this occurred? You have to have zero tolerance for anything that would be indicative of being dishonest in any way.”
After graduating, Vajusi began field training in Mentor in July 2021. Problems developed immediately. He flunked the first training phase after the police department found that he created unsafe situations for citizens and fellow officers.
He did not perform “at an acceptable level on a consistent basis, even after being provided with remedial training.”
“Vajusi would have difficulty in stressful situations,” Sgt. Michael Kloski wrote in a memo. He “hesitates because he is afraid of making a mistake.”
After four months, supervisors had seen enough of the rookie cop. A captain wrote: “Patrolman Vajusi is not performing at an acceptable level. Failure to act is not an area where additional training can be provided.”
East Cleveland police personnel records mention Vajusi’s training failures in a five-paragraph memo prepared in early 2022.
Still, “I found nothing that would prohibit him from employment with the East Cleveland Police Department,” Detective Michael Cardilli wrote in a memo.
It is unclear why Vajusi left East Cleveland for the Sheriff’s Department. But controversy followed.
Last month, Cuyahoga deputies initiated a traffic stop. The vehicle fled. After it crashed at East 70th St. and Cedar Ave. in Cleveland, the driver sprinted away with a suspected firearm, a county spokeswoman said.
The 35 minutes of Vajusi’s bodycam video shows that within seconds, he believed the Cleveland teen was armed and ordered the 19-year-old to “drop your gun.” Vajusi then fired four rounds.
After Vajusi fired, the teen laid on the ground with his hands away from his body. He was not injured. Nor was he armed.
“Where’s the fucking gun at?” Vajusi asked.
“No gun,” the teen replied. “I’ve got no gun.”
“Why were you reaching then?” Vajusi said.
Vajusi told investigators and dispatch that the teen had a gun and called for a K-9 unit to search a field for a weapon. The K-9 deputy told Vajusi not to walk through the field. Vajusi did anyway.
It took nearly 12 minutes before a sheriff’s sergeant told a dispatcher to notify Cleveland police about the shooting.
Vajusi searched the field for the driver’s suspected gun with his firearm’s light. He pointed his weapon toward residences and other men detained on a curb. A sergeant ordered Vajusi to sit in his cruiser and pressed him about the gun.
“I thought he had a gun,” Vajusi replied. “It was really dark.”
At times, the body cam audio turned off as Vajusi spoke. Other deputies reassured Vajusi they would find the gun in the field.
After seeing Vajusi in the field again, the sergeant snapped: “I need you to sit in the car…That is my guidance to you.”
Deputies found a gun in the backseat of the teen’s car. Vajusi was placed on administrative leave pending an investigation.
The October shooting unfolded as deputies say they were in pursuit of a stolen Nissan carrying three people, one possibly armed.
A 15-year-old was treated for a single gunshot wound and released to county juvenile court authorities.
Vajusi asked for and received stress leave from the department after the shooting.
A’aishah Rogers, the mother of the injured teen, called it “alarming and disgusting” that Vajusi shot another teenager so soon after shooting her son, who did not have a gun.
“These are people we entrust to police our streets,” she said. “Are they just hiring anybody?”
Kalfani Ture, an assistant professor who studies police practices in Pennsylvania, called Vajusi a liability to taxpayers and a “risk to the public.” He urged the sheriff’s department to remove him from the field or send him for more training.
“This particular officer’s immediate go-to is lethal force within split seconds of exiting his vehicle,” Ture said. “How do you even ascertain the facts if you come out of your patrol vehicle already with your finger on the trigger?”
Vajusi’s police background deserves extra scrutiny from sheriff’s leaders, Ture said.
“The pattern should be concerning to all,” Ture said. “He shop-hopped from agency to agency. Where there’s a pattern, there’s also smoke.” –Mark Puente, The Marshall Project; and Tara Morgan, News 5 Cleveland
Courtesy Photo
FEATURE
DIG INTO CLEVELAND BURGER WEEK
Seven days of $9 specials at some of Cleveland’s
By Scene Staff
IN A WORLD WHERE BURGER prices are edging closer to $20 than $10, there’s no better time to savor the deals of Cleveland Burger Week, which runs June 23rd through the 29th.
Dozens of Cleveland’s best restaurants are offering up $9 specials all week, from traditional offerings to tasty, one-off creations.
We’ve got a handy rundown of most of the action below but check in at burgerweekcleveland. com for the most up-to-date information and be sure to download the Cleveland Burger Week app to guide you through the delicious adventure. (Check in at five locations during the week and you’ll also be entered in a drawing featuring $250 in gift cards.)
best restaurants
Let’s get to eating, Cleveland.
Agave & Rye
Smash Me Baby One More
Time: Potato bun, double smashed burger patties, white cheddar, pork belly, crispy tobacco onions, Agave BBQ and ranch.
Around the Corner
House Special: Half-pound Black
Angus burger, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, choice of American or Swiss cheese.
The Aviator
Aviator Smash: 4-ounce Angus beef patty smashed to crispy perfection, American cheese, caramelized onion, lettuce, tomato, pickles, smash sauce. Impossible Burger substitute available for $2 more.
Banter
Cowboy Burger: 1/3-pound burger, coffee-braised pork shoulder, onion ring, housemade BBQ sauce. Add fries for $3.
Bearden’s
Gouda Burger: Single steak burger covered with smoked gouda cheese, caramelized onions and mayo.
Betts TBD
Black Forest
Black Forest Burger: ½-pound hand-pattied burger topped with a fried egg, American cheese, bacon, lettuce tomato on a kaiser roll.
Brewdog TBD
Burgers 2 Beer
Simple Susan: ½-pound burger with lettuce, tomato and choice of cheese. Veggie option available.
The Bulldog Pub & Grille
The Caribbean Burger: Beef patty seasoned with Jamaican jerk spices, topped with melty Swiss cheese, bacon, grilled pineapple, mango mayo drizzle and spring greens. Housemade black bean burger available as a substitute.
Burntwood Tavern
Two quarter pound beef patties topped with slivered onions, melty American cheese, pickles, and special sauce with hand cut fries.
The Clevelander TBD
Crowley’s TBD
Dawg House TBD
Front St. Social
The Pierogzilla: Two golden pierogies, tangy Bavarian-style sauerkraut, melty American cheese, and a zesty horseradish mustard, soft, buttery brioche bun.
Great Lakes Brewing Company
GLBC Burger: Leavened brioche bun, Middlefield mild cheddar, 6 oz “classic” patty, carrot gremolata, fried banana peppers, banana pepper and bacon aioli.
Gunselman’s Tavern
The Lil G: Custom blend of short rib, brisket and chuck, topped with Gunny Burger Sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and a touch of fresh onion, all
nestled in a perfectly toasted brioche bun.
The French Onion Burger: Signature patty layered with caramelized onions, melted Swiss cheese, and bun. Veggie options available for both.
Gunselman’s To-Go
The Double Banger: Smash patties, American cheese, Smashy sauce on a potato bun. Served with fries.
Hatfield’s Goode Grub
Pimento Cheese Burger: Angus patty, bacon, tomato slice, homemade pimento cheese, topped with melted American cheese
Immigrant Son
The Smash-Mac: Smash burger patty, American cheese, sauteed onions, dill pickles, shredded lettuce, ISB special sauce, challah bun
The Ivy TBD
Nora’s public House TBD
Orchid House Winery TBD re:bar
Smash Hero: Two beef patties, grilled salami & capicola, Swiss/American cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, house made Italian dressing and mayo on a toasted kaiser roll.
re:bar Smash Burger: Two
and a side of fries.
Sirna’s
Sirna Angus Burger: ½-pound burger, lettuce, tomato, onion, dill pickles and your choice of American, Pepper Jack, Swiss and provolone cheeses. $6.
Stevenson’s
Big Guy: Old-school double cheeseburger. Two 1/3-pound patties, special 1920 sauce, government cheese, lettuce and pickles served on buttered/ toasted brioche bun.
Suds Maguire’s
Big Tex Burger w/Fresh Cut
Fries: 1/3-pound gourmet blend burger patty topped with cheddar, BBQ, pickled jalapeños & a beer battered onion ring, served with fresh cut fries. Veggie option available.
beef patties, grilled onions, sharp cheddar cheese and dill pickles smothered in smash sauce on a bed of crispy lettuce, sandwiched on a grilled brioche bun.
Sweet Southern Smash: Two beef patties smothered in our house smoked honey BBQ, sharp cheddar cheese, grilled red onions, grilled mushrooms, grilled jalapeños and lettuce on a grilled brioche bun.
RollHouse
RollHouse Bacon Cheddar Burger: 7-ounce burger, two slices of applewood bacon, melted cheddar cheese, crisp romaine lettuce, fresh tomato, red onion and tangy pickles. Served on a toasted brioche bun and topped off with thousand island dressing.
Rowley Inn
Italian Burger: ½-pound burger topped with a fried cheese wedge, sautéed onions & peppers, house made tomato sauce. Veggie option available.
Sapphire Creek Winery
TBD
Sauced Taproom and Kitchen
Curd Burger: Ground beef patty topped with bacon, melted cheese curds, hott honey served with garlic aioli and arugula atop a brioche bun.
Saucy Brew Works
Saucy Smash Burger: Single patty with American cheese, Saucy sauce, lettuce, pickles
Swensons
Cordelia Pimento Burger: Two beef patties, Cordelia’s housemade Pimento Cheese, tartar sauce, slice of raw onion, tangysweet Kool-Aid pickles and finished with an Olive + Kool-Aid pick. Veggie option available.
Swinging Door Lounge
The Ronald Burger w/Fries: 1/3-pound burger patty topped with American cheese, shredded lettuce, diced sweet onion, pickles and Thousand Island dressing, served with fries.
Teamz
Teamz PB&J Burger: Burger, bacon, mozzarella cheese, peanut butter and grape jelly on pretzel bun.
Terrestrial Brewing Company
TBD
Tony K’s
The Barnyard Burger: Burger, crispy chicken, bacon and housemade ranch sauce. Topped with lettuce, tomato, sliced onions, pepperjack and American cheese.
The Wild Goose
TBD
For complete list of participants and specials visit burgerweekcleveland.com
GET OUT Everything to do in Cleveland for the next two weeks
WED 06/18
The 10 X 3 Songwriter Band Showcase
Hosted by Brent Kirby
The concept of 10x3 is a pre-arranged line up with 10 songwriters/bands performing three songs each. Two of the them required to be original, and the third can be the artist’s choice. Local singer-songwriter Brent Kirby hosts the event, which runs from 7 to 9 tonight at the Bop Stop. Admission is free.
2920 Detroit Ave., 216-771-6551, themusicsettlement.org.
Hamilton
With book, music, and lyrics by Lin-Manuel Miranda, direction by Thomas Kail, choreography by Andy Blankenbuehler, and musical supervision and orchestrations by Alex Lacamoire, the Broadway hit returns to the State Theatre. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30, and the play runs through July 6.
1519 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.
Midnight Rental Presents Secret Movie Night
Hosted by Lenora from the internet hit-series Midnight Rental, this movie night features what it deems to be the best in VHS horror, thriller and campy classics. The event begins tonight at 8 at the Grog Shop in Cleveland Heights, and the club will feature a special movie night menu for the event.
2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-321-5588, grogshop.gs.
Wade Oval Wednesdays
Featuring an eclectic mix of local bands, the popular concert series returns to Wade Oval. It takes place from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. The event continues on Wednesdays through Aug. 20.
10831 Magnolia Dr., 216-791-3900, universitycircle.org.
THU 06/19
Juneteenth Celebration – Genius of Freedom
This event at Hale Farm & Village will feature storytelling, music and “thought-provoking discussions” that honor the ongoing journey toward freedom and equality. There will be a reenactment of Sojourner
Truth’s iconic speech, “Ain’t I a Woman,” in the Meeting House. The event begins at 10 a.m. 2686 Oak Hill Rd., Newton Falls, 330666-3711, halefarm.org.
Sexy Black Genius
Tiffany Norwood, a self-described “global serial tech entrepreneur,” mixes comedy, poetry and storytelling in this special performance that takes place tonight at 6:30 at Globe Iron. 2325 Elm St., globeironcle.com.
FRI 06/20
Moxie Events Presents: Magic of Motown
Expect to hear classic tunes by the likes of the Temptations, the Jackson Five, and Diana Ross & the Supremes at this tribute show that takes place at 7:30 p.m. at Mandel Concert Hall. 11001 Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.
Third Friday
From 5 to 9 p.m., many of the 78th
Street Studios resident artist studios and galleries will be open as part of this monthly event. There will be live music, and Local West, a Gordon Square sandwich shop, will serve food. BARneo will have a selection of adult beverages as well. Admission is free.
1300 West 78th St., 78thstreetstudios. com.
SAT 06/21
Solstice 2025
Da Land Brass Band, Balkan Paradise Orchestra, El Laberinto del Coco and Mexican Institute of Sound will perform as part of this annual world music concert/party that takes place tonight at 7 at the Cleveland Museum of Art.
11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.
SUN 06/22
Reggae Sundays
This special Reggae Sunday Happy Hour Concert series is a sum-
mer highlight. Every Sunday, the indoor/outdoor concert series will take place rain or shine with live music from 4 to 7 p.m. at the Music Box. The venue will also offer food and drink specials exclusive to the series.
1148 Main Ave., 216-242-1250, musicboxcle.com.
MON 06/23
Memorial Monday
Every Monday through Sept. 30, Fort Huntington Park hosts food tracks and live music between 11:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. for this special event. Admission is free, but the food will cost you.
West 3rd St. and West Lakeside Ave., downtowncleveland.com.
TUE 06/24
Guardians vs. Toronto Blue Jays
The Guardians won the series when these two teams played north of the border earlier this year in Toronto. They should be able to
Solstice returns to Cleveland Museum of Art. See: Saturday, June 21. | Courtesy of Cleveland Museum of Art
repeat that series win as the Blue Jays come to town for a threegame series that concludes with a day game on Thursday. Tonight’s first pitch is at 7:10. 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb. com/guardians.
WED 06/25
Shitshow Karaoke
Local rapper/promoter Dirty Jones and Scene’s own Manny Wallace host Shit Show Karaoke, a weekly event at the B-Side Liquor Lounge wherein patrons choose from “an unlimited selection of jams from hip-hop to hard rock,” and are encouraged to “be as bad as you want.” Fueled by drink and shot specials, it all goes down tonight at 10 p.m. Admission is free. B-Side Lounge, 2785 Euclid Hts. Blvd., Heights, 216-932-1966, bsideliquorlounge.com.
THU 06/26
Pete Lee
The first standup comedian to get a standing ovation on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, comedian Pete Lee likes to joke about how he’s such a huge people pleaser, he even hugs Uber drivers goodbye and offers to drive for them. The nerdy comic performs at 7 tonight at Hilarities, where he has shows scheduled through Saturday. 2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.
FRI 06/27
Guardians vs. St. Louis Cardinals
This weekend, one of the better teams in the National League, the St. Louis Cardinals play the Guardians in a series for the only time this regular season. Tonight’s first pitch is at 7:10 p.m., and the series concludes on Sunday. 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb. com/guardians.
Tony Roberts
A writer, director and actor, Tony T. Roberts also has experience in radio and works as the morning man on a Bay Area radio station. He’s also performed as part of the Shaquille O’Neal All Star Comedy Jam Tour. He performs tonight at 7 and 9:30 at the Funny Bone, where he has shows scheduled through Sunday.
1148 Main Ave., 216-696-4677, cleveland.funnybone.com.
SAT 06/28
Columbus Koto Ensemble with Shojiji Japanese Dancers
Shojoji Dancers, local favorites since the 1950, will perform first at this special event at the Cleveland Botanical Garden. After a short intermission, the Columbus Koto Ensemble takes the stage. Their performance will feature folk tunes, classical pieces, and anime favorites. It all begins at 1 p.m.
11030 East Blvd., 216-721-1600, cbgarden.org.
FamJam
The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s free family event features kids activities and live performances by Mr. Jeff, Flower Clown and Bubble Wanda. The Center for Arts Inspired Learning and Hungry for Music will take donations to support local music education programs. It all goes down from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.
1100 Rock and Roll Blvd., 216-5158444, rockhall.com/event/fam-jam/.
SUN 06/29
Jokes on You
Inspired by crowd work clinicians like Dave Attell, Ian Bagg, and Big Jay Oakerson, Jokes On You makes the audience the center of the show by “pushing comics to avoid prepared material or written jokes and instead focus on organic interaction with the audience,” as it’s put in a press release about this event, which takes place tonight at 7 at Hilarities. John Bruton and Jimmie Graham host the event.
2035 East Fourth St., 216-241-7425, pickwickandfrolic.com.
TUE 07/01
Lyrical Rhythms Open Mic and Chill
This long-running open mic night at the B Side allows some of the city’s best rappers and poets to strut their stuff. The event begins at 8 with a comedy session dubbed 2 Drinks & a Joke with host Ant Morrow. The open mic performances begin at 10 p.m. Tickets cost $5 in advance, $10 at the door.
2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-932-1966, bsideliquorlounge.com.
BAR MEETS BISTRO
At Sofia’s Kitchen, subtle nods to world cuisines elevate a menu built to satisfy just about anyone
By Douglas Trattner
DESPITE ALL THE ACCOLADES, awards and glowing reviews, Salt in Lakewood closed its doors last summer after eight years. Speaking with Scene about the closure, chef-owner Jill Vedaa said, “This business is changing a lot; it’s something we’ve noticed the past couple years. The landscape –how people are eating and drinking – has completely changed.”
There are few wiser insiders than Vedaa, who has spent more than 25 years working in many of Cleveland’s top restaurants. But if you’re looking for a second opinion, you could do worse than Andrew Revy, who has been working in and around restaurants for just as long. That’s why, when Revy was handed the keys to the former Salt space, he wisely sidestepped any talk about fine dining, chef-driven, special occasion or multi-course meals that stretch on for hours.
No, for his latest venture, Sofia’s Kitchen + Bar, Revy leaned into the pithy catchphrase, “Corner bar meets American bistro,” a riff that implies that this is a no-pressure, come-asyou-are joint built for today’s low-commitment guests.
Many local diners were first introduced to Revy when he converted his family’s Constantino’s Market into Immigrant Son, Lakewood’s first brewery. Behind that brewery’s name is a story expertly told by Revy, one that weaves his family’s migration tale with those of many other families living – and drinking beer – in the melting pot city of Cleveland.
Sofia’s is named after Revy’s daughter, who appears in a family photo that hangs in the main dining room. It’s part of
the gentle renovation that management undertook when they took possession of the property in January. Most of the work was designed to lighten the interior, tone and posture of the restaurant while placing a little more emphasis on the lounge side of things. Sofia’s is the type of place where neighbors should feel comfortable popping into the bar for a glass of wine and plate of deviled eggs while catching the first couple innings of the Guards game.
We sat in the dining room and enjoyed those creamy, black pepper-spiked eggs ($12) alongside a bottle of Chateau La Freynelle Bordeaux Blanc ($36). The wine list is the first sign that Sofia’s strives to be a cut above most “corner bars.” There are more than two dozen by-the-glass pours and many, many more by the bottle, including gems from less-trod regions around the globe.
Chef Andy Strizak, a name dating back to Parker’s American Bistro, introduces subtle nods to distant cuisines without being cheeky or heavy handed. The chickpea battered
veggies ($13) conjure Indian pakoras, but these lack the characteristic crunch. A fragrant cumin-spiced yogurt dipping sauce is served on the side.
A cross between poutine and Shepherd’s Pie, the Shepard’s Fries ($15) tops tender fingerling potatoes with a rich and meaty lamb stew studded with peas, carrots and a woefully small amount of cheese curds. It’s a hearty, delicious knifeand-fork appetizer more than it is shareable finger food.
Had we looked a little closer before ordering – or, perhaps, been alerted to the fact by our server – we would not have ordered both the Shepard’s Fries and the pappardelle ($24) given that the latter featured a similar lamb-pea-carrot ragu. The al dente Ohio City Pasta noodles were the perfect vehicle for the robust sauce. What’s billed as a “pork prime rib” ($28) is a three-fingerthick, bone-in loin chop that is slow-roasted rather than grilled. The result is a consistent edgeto-center cook and firm, toothsome texture. A flavorsome au jus washes over the pork, mashed potatoes and sauteed spinach.
It’s appalling how few lamb burgers are served at Cleveland restaurants, but we can thank Strizak for fighting the good fight. His is topped with Swiss and tzatziki sauce and served on a brioche bun alongside crispy fingerlings. The kitchen had a gentle touch when preparing a cod special ($27), leaving it lush, sweet and flaky.
Sofia’s manages to offer “something for everyone” while avoiding the pedestrian pitfall. In place of chicken breasts there are spice-rubbed thighs. Instead of a French dip there is a pork dip sandwich with shaved pork, cheddar and sidecar of au jus. For a vegetarian pasta option there’s the sesame noodle salad made with Ohio City Pasta udon. As an early Parker Bosley disciple, Strizak goes the extra mile to use local meats, produce, dairy and pasta.
In addition to the wine and classic and seasonal cocktails, the restaurant stocks one and only brand of beer, Immigrant Son Brewing, which Revy unabashedly calls “the best award-winning local beer around.”
dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner
Photo by Doug Trattner
BITES
CleaveLand Grocers and Grill Team to take over Rumi's Market in MidTown
By Douglas Trattner
WHEN A DEVASTATING FIRE
shuttered CleaveLand Grocers (13425 Snow Rd., 440-306-5374) in Brook Park, it left a hole in the marketplace for members of the Muslim community who relied upon its wide selection of halal offerings. Owners Fasih Syed and Aniq Ahmed quickly opened a new location in Strongsville called CleaveLand Grill (17024 Pearl Rd., 440-210-4886), but the smaller footprint forced the family to focus more on popular made-toorder foods than on groceries.
“After the fire, there was a void left in the community – people did not have a place to go,” Syed says. “We tried to fill that void by opening the spot in Strongsville but clearly it wasn’t big enough for us.”
Soon, partners Syed and Ahmed will have more space for groceries than they ever did in Brook Park. Later this month, the brothers will be taking over Rumi’s Market (8225 Carnegie Ave.) in MidTown, which is roughly three times the size of the original CleaveLand Grocers. It’s a fitting transition for the east-side market and café as it too has been serving the Muslim community thanks to its wide selection of halal foods and imported groceries.
“There are definitely similarities, but when we go in there it will be completely our concept, the way we do things – and did things – at our original location,” says Syed.
That includes selling only premium certified halal meats like beef, goat, lamb and chicken.
But CleaveLand Grill in Strongsville, like the original CleaveLand Grocers in Brook Park, attracts a much wider audience than grocery shoppers. The trend-setting fast-casual menu impressed diners thanks to tantalizing smash burgers, tacos, cheesesteaks, chopped cheese sandwiches and more. Those items, along with the re -
turn of grilled items like wings and kebabs, will be making the transition to the east side. And unlike either CleaveLand location, the new spot offers comfortable indoor and outdoor seating for guests.
Syed says that the conversion should be seamless, with steady changes and additions rather than a closure and reopening. On June 22, Rumi’s Grill will transition to CleaveLand Grill, utilizing meats from its own onsite butcher shop. The full grocery market makeover will be revealed later this summer. The plan, he adds, is to build upon the selection so that is serves many communities, not just the Pakistani community.
“Groceries were a big part of when we started,” he explains. “Being the only Pakistani grocery in Cleveland, that kind of meant something to us because we brought in the products that no one else carried. We’re excited to bring those products back again so people don’t have to travel to Chicago or Michigan to get them.”
Syed says that he aims to be the destination for all things Arabic, Turkish, Indian, Bangladeshi, Afghani and more.
The owners have no intention of shuttering CleaveLand Grill in Strongsville after taking over Rumi’s Market, they add.
to create a more equitable, sustainable and economically viable restaurant industry and food system for producers, workers and consumers.
“This year’s Impact Award honorees demonstrate the visionary leadership and creativity required to tackle our industry and broader food system’s most urgent challenges,” Mary Sue Milliken, Impact Awards Chair and Board of Trustees Vice Chair, explained. “We are deeply grateful for their commitment and proud to honor and elevate their vital work.”
Just five people were honored with Impact Awards – including Cleveland’s own Brandon Chrostowski, founder and CEO of EDWINS Leadership & Restaurant Institute. The visionary chef and restaurateur was selected thanks to his tireless efforts at EDWINS, which offers culinary, hospitality, and life skills training to formerly incarcerated individuals in an effort to provide sustainable futures. Since its founding in 2013, EDWINS has grown into a national model for second-chance employment.
On Sunday, June 15, the James Beard Foundation honored its first batch of Impact Award winners at the Dalcy in Chicago as part of its annual James Beard Awards Ceremony. The new category of winners recognizes changemakers from across the country who are actively working
“This award is a recognition not only of the work we do at EDWINS but also of the power of belief—that everyone, no matter their past, deserves dignity, opportunity, and a seat at the table,” said Brandon Chrostowski. “In my opinion, one of the key benefits of receiving the award is the very large key it presents to open more doors for advancement in the industry. I’m happy to bring this home to Cleveland and will be rooting for all of the chefs who are nominated for an award this year.”
Now Open: Sushi Kuwahata in Ohio City
by
restaurant from Chef Kwan, is now open in Ohio City. After a few private events this past weekend, Kwan is moving onto the public phase of his exclusive omakase sushi experience.
Sushi Kuwahata builds off the success of the special 20-course, $200 dinners that Kwan hosted in Willoughby. Kwan, who is an owner in Kogane restaurant in L.A., announced last year that he was opening Kuwahata in the Ohio City building that was briefly home to Cha Pizza. The main floor will be dedicated to a separate casual izakaya concept called Kyuu Juu, which is run by chef Ryan Endrian, while the second floor is home to Sushi Kuwahata.
For now, Sushi Kuwahata is open only Sunday and Monday nights, with just one seating for eight guests on those nights.
The 15- to 20-course meals cost $350 per person and are sold out through June. The reservations for July will open at 3 p.m. on June 20 on the restaurant’s Tock page. Sometime in July, additional nights of service will be added.
Diners can expect to find a world-class omakase experience that features rare, exotic and seasonal fish flown in directly from Japan and Los Angeles. Unlike the contemporary style that was presented in Willoughby, Sushi Kuwahata is more along the lines of a Tokyo-style “edomae” style, which leans on tradition and technique over creativity.
“Each piece is a testament to the beauty of the season, showcasing the finest flavors and textures of Japan’s culinary heritage,” says Kwan.
The main floor izakaya is expected to open in early July.
Brandon Chrostowski of EDWINS Honored with a James Beard Impact Award
Sushi Kuwahata, the new sushi
Photo
Doug Trattner
Rocky River Solon Brecksville North Olmsted
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE
The
local hard rock act TRUSS draws from a variety of genres on new album
By Jeff Niesel
THE LOCAL HARD ROCK GROUP
TRUSS has recently picked up some steam and hired a respected national PR firm led by veteran publicist Mike Cubillos to promote its forthcoming album, Fluorescence
“[Cubillos] was recommended to me by a friend who had a good experience,” says TRUSS singer Hannah Crandall via phone. TRUSS plays a release party at 8 p.m. on Saturday, June 21, at the Grog Shop in Cleveland Heights. The Rosies and CHERRY! open. “With our first record, we were still a bit newer to the scene and weren’t as established locally as we are now. We released Reset My Head and didn’t seek out much press, other than talking to a few local outlets. We didn’t know any better. With this album, we’re a totally different band and we have learned so much since our first record. About two weeks ago, we called [Cubillos] up, and we formed a plan. He listened and really liked our material. He gave us some great feedback and ultimately picked it up.”
The group originally formed in 2018 while members were students at the Ohio State University. The group played various college clubs, events and parties in the region. In 2019, it took a leap forward and released the single “Mayhem,” which it recorded with friend Cooper Towns who was taking a music production class at Ohio State and needed a final project. To date, “Mayhem” has amassed nearly 700,000 streams across various platforms. After members graduated from
college, the band relocated to Cleveland. It performed its first major show after returning to town in June of 2021, opening for the ’90s alternative rock band Sponge. Later that same year, TRUSS supported national acts Puddle of Mudd, Alice Cooper guitarist Nita Strauss and all-female Led Zeppelin tribute band Lez Zeppelin. In 2023, the group released its self-produced debut album, Reset My Head
In the last year, however, the band experienced a significant change and has trimmed down to a three-piece.
“We function now as a threepiece, but we have a fourth member join on bass for live performances,” says Crandall. “They’re basically a hired gun. We have a couple of guys who play with us here and there. In terms of writing, [guitarist] Eric [Kennedy] is primarily a bassist, that was the role he was initially in when we all started playing together. He writes our bass parts and records them too. With the three of us, there are less cooks in the kitchen, and it has been a really good experience operating like this.”
As a result of the new configuration, the band’s sound has shifted too.
“We put a lot of production sprinkles into this record, so to
speak, and there are cool nuances and effects throughout the record,” Crandall says. “The songwriting is very different from our first record, and we are all very proud of this. We are so excited for it to get into the world. Genre-wise, there is something for everyone, and we’re excited to see which songs people flock to most.”
Crandall says the songs on the band’s previous full-length had a similar feel to them, but the tunes on Fluorescence have branched out into different musical directions. The group released the single “Selfish” at the back end of last year.
“It’s like 2005 or 2007 Paramore,” says Crandall when asked about “Selfish.” “We love rock music from the ’90s and 2000s that have that nostalgia element to us now. That’s the music we grew up with. We wanted our songs to elicit a similar feeling. There are songs that have that pop-punk sound and other ones inspired by ’90s grunge and nu-metal. Regarding our writing process, sometimes Eric [Kennedy] will have a riff and we build off that, or I hum a melody and take it to the boys. Holden is usually heavily involved in producing the songs and challenging us to add elements we might not
have otherwise tried. It’s pieced together like a puzzle. With the songwriting on this record, we intentionally tried to cover a lot of ground. There is something for everyone.”
A rough 2024 also played a role in the themes that emerge on the album.
“Personally, 2024 was a really tough year,” says Crandall. “Because we put this record together throughout the year, it thematically follows a lot of the things I was going through. There is a different topic for every song. We have ‘Soiled,’ which is your classic relationship gone wrong song, and we have songs like ‘Heavy (Said I Needed Time)’ about grief, or ‘Tell me Something,’ which discusses feeling directionless as an adult in the world and so forth.”
The group didn’t have to go far to cut the album. The second floor of Crandall’s house is a music studio, and the group self-produces everything. Kennedy actually left the corporate world about a year ago and is pursuing music and sound engineering.
“He spent countless hours on this record and put so much love into the songs, and I got to watch him do it first hand,” says Crandall. “I could see the magic. From start to finish, it is amazing. We are DIY to the fullest extent.”
TRUSS hopes its new album received national attention.|Geno Oradini
LIVEWIRE Real music in the real world
Tyler, the Creator brings his latest tour to Rocket Arena. See: Saturday, June 28. | Luis “Panch” Perez
THU 06/19
Goose
The jam band’s popularity has steadily increased since it released 2016’s Moon Cabin, an album it recorded in a barn in northern New Hampshire. The summer tour that brings it to town tonight supports the new album, Everything Must Go, a collection of jazzy tunes that rely on both organic and electronic instruments. The group performs at 6 tonight and tomorrow night at Jacobs Pavilion. 2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.
FRI 06/20
Birdtalker
The indie/folk group performs tonight at 7 at House of Blues as it brings its tour in support of its third album, All Means, No End, to town. The album features harmony vocals and twangy guitars on Wilco-like tunes such as “Falling Forward” and “Creatures.” 308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.
Modest Mouse
The veteran indie rock act from the Pacific Northwest performs tonight
at 8 at TempleLive at the Cleveland Masonic. The group is famous for its 2004 hit “Float On,” a careening anthem that became a hit on commercial radio despite its indie rock sensibilities. Singer-guitarist Doug Martsch of Built to Spill opens the show. 3615 Euclid Ave., 216-881-6350, masoniccleveland.com.
The Thing with Feathers
The Nashville-based indie rock band brings its headlining tour to the Beachland Tavern. The grunge-y new single, “Catching Your Eye,” features driving guitars and Eddie Vedder-like vocals. The band promises to play
previously unreleased tunes on this stretch of dates.
15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.
SAT 06/21
The Early November
The indie band plays a special acoustic show that will also feature storytelling. Singer-guitarist Ace Enders launched the group some 20 years and continues to be at the helm. Last year, the group returned with a self-titled album of carefully crafted emo-ish tunes. The show begins at 6 p.m. at Mahall’s
20 Lanes in Lakewood. Window Dogs open the show.
13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216521-3280, mahalls20lanes.com.
Outlaw Music Festival
The traveling music festival featuring Willie Nelson, Bob Dylan and Nathaniel Rateliff returns to Blossom. Nelson, now 92, somehow continues to tour and record and the same goes for Dylan, who is now 84. Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats and Bruce Hornsby round out the lineup. The show begins at 5 p.m. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.
The War and Treaty
The terrific country/soul duo comes to Globe Iron. The two met about ten years ago when singer Michael Trotter Jr. moved from Cleveland to Maryland after he came out of the military. He and singer Tanya Trotter make a dynamic force stage. The show starts at 7 p.m. 2325 Elm St., globeironcle.com.
MON 06/23
Brand New
The pop-punk band that formed on Long Island some 25 years ago helped pave the way for the emo bands of the 2000s. Since reuniting last year to play a private charity event, the band has returned to road. It plays tonight at 7 at Jacobs Pavilion. 2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.
Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs Pigs: Death Hilarious Tour
The British psychedelic rock band brings its summer tour to the Grog Shop in Cleveland Heights. The band’s new single, “Glib Tongued,” sounds particularly menacing and comes across as a cross between Fugazi and IDLES. Doors open at 7 p.m. 2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-321-5588, grogshop.gs.
TUE 06/24
James Taylor
Blossom is the perfect venue for this pop singer who will undoubtedly draw from decades-worth of material for tonight’s concert. A Rock Hall Inductee, Taylor had hits in the ‘70s when songs such as “Carolina in My Mind,” “You’ve Got a Friend” and “How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You)” topped the pop charts. The show begins at 7:30 p.m. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.
WED 06/25
Return to Zero Tour
The Smashing Pumpkins singer-guitarist will commemorate the anniversaries of the Pumpkins’ albums Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness, Machina/The Machines of God and Machina II/The Friends & Enemies of Modern Music with this special tour. You can expect to hear songs from the recent Pumpkins release, Aghori Mhori Mei, as well. The show begins at 6:30 p.m. at House of Blues.
308 Euclid Ave., 216-523-2583, houseofblues.com.
FRI 06/27
Dispatch and John Butler
The two jam acts have teamed up for this special tour that rolls into Cain Park in Cleveland Heights. G. Love & Special Sauce and Donovan Frankenreiter open the show. It begins at 6 p.m. 14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark.com.
Keith Urban: High and Alive World Tour
The veteran country singer-guitarist returns to Blossom as part of a tour supporting his new album, High. The show begins at 7 p.m. Alana Springsteen, who shared the stage with Urban during his NYE performance and has delivered a hit with her Tiesto collaboration, “Hot Honey,” and Chase Matthew, who just released his highly personal third album, open the show. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.
SAT 06/28
Tyler, the Creator
The innovative rapper brings his Chromakoi World Tour to Rocket Arena. Chromakoi follows up his critically acclaimed 2021 album, Call Me If You Get Lost. The single “Noid” benefits from heavy guitars and a sample of Paul Ngozi singing in his native Nyanja. The concert begins at 7:30 p.m. One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketarena.com.
TUE 07/01
Murder by Death
The indie rock band out of Indiana brings its farewell tour to the Grog Shop in Cleveland Heights. The group performs at 7 tonight and tomorrow night. Singer-songwriter Laura Jane Grace opens. 2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-321-5588, grogshop.gs.
scene@clevescene.com
Billy Corgan and the Machines of God: A
SAVAGE LOVE
THE BOYFRIEND EXPERIENCE
By Dan Savage
My boyfriend went on a trip abroad with his friend (also a guy). After he came back, he showed me that he made a Bumble profile while he was there. I didn’t feel like anything was off or ask him to show me; he volunteered. He said that he was just curious to see how popular he would be in the motherland and that he had no intention of meeting any of the women he matched with. He showed me the chats, and the exchanges were short. None of the messages were sexual, flirtatious, or talked about meeting up. I still felt upset about it though, and he apologized profusely. For context, we have been together since college — almost ten years — and I’ve never once suspected him of cheating. I have also made it clear to him many times that if he’s interested in other people or no longer wants to date me, he should tell me rather than lying. At the time he told me about getting on Bumble, I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was transparent. I felt like if he did cheat on me, he could have just not told me. It’s been a few months since it happened, but I was reminded of it recently when I found out that you can delete Bumble chats by unmatching. That made me rethink what he told me. What if he just unmatched with people that he was flirting with or exchanged contact info with?
I’m not sure what to think. If I posted about this on TikTok, I’m pretty sure everyone would say I’m being naive and that he was cheating and that I should dump him. Would you take what he said at face value? His Upsetting Revelation That Stung
Just wanna make sure I’m following you: You’re struggling to take your boyfriend’s word at face value — the boyfriend who’s been with you for nearly a decade, has never given you reason to suspect he’s been unfaithful, and made a full and free confession about getting on Bumble while visiting the motherland — but you would be willing to take the word of strangers on TikTok at face value ? People who don’t know you, know nothing about your relationship, and have never met your boyfriend — the guy who made the mistake of telling you he got on Bumble, explained why, and showed you the chats? That guy?
Getting on Bumble while he was abroad — even if it was just to see how he’d do with “the locals” — was dumb, telling you about it was even dumber, and I’m sure he regrets both actions now. But if he’d walked into a bar with his friend and chatted up the locals… would that have been worse? Whatever he did on his trip, he did what you’d always asked him to do — he told you no lies, not even one
of omission — and you’re thinking about dumping him. Could he have unmatched with women he flirted with more seriously? Sure. That’s possible, HURTS, but your boyfriend still deserves the benefit of the doubt here. And doesn’t his confession — his stupid, guileless, unnecessary confession — make it seem less likely something happened?
And you had to know — you had to expect that he might flirt with other women on this trip. Even if the app was a surprise, wasn’t it a given that he and his friend might chat up the locals or run into (but not through) other tourists? If you can trust your boyfriend when he’s out of your sight at home, and if you can trust him to travel on his own, then it seems to me you can trust that you can take your boyfriend at his word when he tells you he didn’t touch someone else with his penis while he was away.
As for TikTok… yeah, the TikTok mob would urge you to dump your boyfriend. Not because they care about you — they don’t know you — but because people love drama. People love telling other people to break the fuck up. And when it comes to other people’s relationships, the TikTok mob demands a level of perfection they’ve never achieved in their own relationships. (Assuming they’ve ever been in relationships; when it comes to love, the loudest, most judgmental voices online are inexperienced tweens and bitter incels.)
Instead of breaking up with your boyfriend, tell him you heard about this feature on Bumble and ask him for a little more reassurance. But don’t punish him for his honesty — reward it by deleting TikTok.
I’m going through a divorce and connected with a long-ago boyfriend in a similar boat. We started a long-distance relationship and were fairly serious. We were seeing each other every second or third weekend. His particular kink is he wants his partner to have other lovers. And as long as everyone involved is consenting, I’m fine with that. And since we’re long distance, I figured how convenient for me and found myself a local “friend with benefits.” He is aware of my long-distance relationship and accepts it but wants nothing to do with my other guy.
Here’s the problem. My long-distance partner longs for a throuple type of relationship. He decided, without my consent, to create a profile on a popular mainstream dating app with photos of me seeking a playmate for us. When I found out, I broke up with him immediately and deleted the account from his phone. I see many problems with this lack of communication, lack of consent, coerciveness, not to mention that many people I know personally and professionally don’t even know that I’m divorcing much less that I have another partner — but he sees no harm in what he’s done and is trying to get me back.
To reassure me (or not!) and to educate him and anyone else who might ever consider creating a “couples” profile without the consent of half of the couple: Is this as bad as I think it is? Is there any way of seeing this as
not obviously out of bounds? Can you imagine it being repairable?
Oafish Violation Ends Relationship
This is just as bad as you think it is. What your long-ago/far-away boyfriend did was out of bounds, and the damage is — in my opinion — irreparable. You can’t trust a guy who would pimp you out on a dating app without your consent. Red flags don’t come any redder.
In his rush to realize his fantasy — being in a throuple with a woman and another man — he revealed what really mattered to him: his dick, not you. While I think kinks are great and people should strive to be GGG for their partners and sexual adventures can bring couples, throuples, quads, and squads closer together, consent — mutual, affirmative, enthusiastic consent —is key and his willingness to violate your consent is disqualifying. And you were already on board in a way that felt safe for you! You had your long-distance boyfriend and your local friendwith-benefits. And who knows? Maybe in a year or two, your current FWB might’ve come around — he may have been open to being in a more formal throuple down the line — or you would’ve moved on to someone who was. But your long-ago/far-away boyfriend couldn’t give things a chance — he couldn’t give you a chance — to evolve. And in his rush to have everything his way, he demonstrated that you weren’t a person in his eyes, but a means to an end.
So: accept his apology (if you feel like it), tell him to delete your photos, and make it clear that if you see them online again, you’ll go to the police and file a revenge porn complaint. Then block his number to avoid getting sucked into conversations about his regrets and/or manipulated into giving him another chance. Finalize your divorce, focus on your FWB, and forget about this asshole.
P.S. To the long-ago/far-away boyfriend: Hotwifing and cuckolding forums are filled with guys whining about how hard it is to find a woman willing to explore these dynamics with them… and you found one, dude, and you blew it. So dumb.
I need advice. I met a guy on Facebook dating, and we texted nearly every day for a year before meeting this past Christmas. We live three and a half hours away and have been rotating nearly every two weeks since then. It’s been great, we’re both happy and in love. We’ve even had a weekend getaway together in early April. We traveled well together. I see him in my life forever. He is still close with his ex and considers him his best friend. I’m actually fine with this. The one thing that bothers me though is he’ll compare us to when he dated him or will say things like, “My dog hasn’t seen me having sex with a guy other than Alex,” or, “Alex said if I didn’t fool around with him the first time, he wouldn’t have started a relationship.” It bothers me he says these things, I don’t want visions of him being with other people. I’m not sure he realizes he does this, but it gets annoying and I’m not sure how to bring it up
to him. I know one day he’ll want me to meet Alex cause he’s his best friend but how do I tell him I don’t want to hear about the things he used to do with him? Any help would be great!
Not Enthralled With Boyfriend’s Important Ex
Your insecurity is understandable — and asking a new boyfriend to be considerate of an understandable insecurity is a good way to figure out whether he’s a “keeper,” as the kids say.
Zooming out for a second: it sounds like your new boyfriend is trying to be matter of fact about Alex — his ex and best friend — because Alex is still an important part of his life. If you’re going to be an important part of your boyfriend’s life going forward (potentially the most important part), that means Alex is gonna be part of your life, too. So, your boyfriend may be mentioning Alex in an effort to normalize Alex’s presence — and your new boyfriend could be testing you. Because if you’re not the kind of guy who’s comfortable with his boyfriend being close with his ex, NEWBIE, you’re not the right guy for him.
But you’re feeling what you’re feeling, NEWBIE, your feelings are valid, and it’s possible your boyfriend has been hitting Alex a little too hard. So, here’s what you can say to your new boyfriend that should cut down on the Alex talk without scaring him off: “Hey, I really like you and I’m excited about where this is going. I know it’s common for gay men to be friends with their exes and it’s a good sign about a guy — your friendship with Alex is totally a green flag — but I’m still new around here [point at boyfriend’s crotch] and hearing so much about Alex is making me feel insecure. I’m not asking you to pretend Alex doesn’t exist — not at all — all I’m asking is to ease up on the details about your history with Alex for a bit. I promise I’ll feel more comfortable hearing about Alex once the two of us have built up some history of our own.”
Whatever you do, NEWBIE, don’t make the mistake of ordering your new boyfriend to choose between you and his best friend. And who knows? You might like Alex once you meet him in person. And when you and your boyfriend are ready to start having threesomes — also common among gay men — hot exes make great thirds.
P.S. Hot exes make great thirds because your boyfriend is less likely to leave you for someone he’s already left.
Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage. love!
Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/askdan! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage. Love
