Cleveland Scene - March 13, 2024

CLEVELAND’S BIKE ADVOCATES FORESHADOW INFRASTRUCTURE MAKEOVERS IN CITY CLUB TALK

TO MANY THAT PACKED

the Happy Dog lastWednesday night, a recently released pedestrian crash report felt like a personal document.

At least 550 Clevelanders, from adults scootering downtown to teenagers crossing St. Clair Avenue, were hit by cars in 2023. (Nine were killed.) Although not the central call for the gathering, such statistics were fresh on the minds of presenters and attendees alike at the City Club’s cyclistfocused town hall.

One that gave off a comforting impression.

City Hall, after decades of coldshouldering serious bike lanes or roundabouts, is now very much inline with what a real city, even of Cleveland’s size, needs in 2024.

“This is an urgent issue,” Callie Mersmann, one-fifth of the city’s Mobility Team, told a full house at the Happy Dog. “I know all of us at this table, and almost all of us in this room, walk or bike daily, take transit daily, and are really dedicated to changing the ecosystem.

“All of us believe firmly that people deserve a right to get safely to where they’re going,” she added. “And they shouldn’t need to be in a car to do that.”

Mersmann’s point blank response to that uptick in cyclistcar collisions seemed, to say the least, very much in the wheelhouse of her co-presenters not affiliated with Mayor Justin Bibb—Bike Cleveland’s Jacob VanSickle; transportation activist Angie Schmitt; and Assembly of the Arts community officer and moderator Deidre McPherson.

In a hour-and-a-half forum, which cycled through everything from the upcoming Midway projects to the false benefit of a sharrow (bike + arrow painted on streets), the dais had a clear message for their listeners: We hear you, and we’re doing the best

that we can.

Cleveland has a ways to go.

Hoboken, New Jersey’s Bike & Pedestrian Resource Center announced in January they’ve counted zero deaths in the eight years they’ve spent refashioning their streets for walkers. And Columbus released plans to update three downtown streets with leafy trees and two miles of protected bike lanes, the Dispatch reported this week, for what could be a $100 million project.

There is demand, after all.

VanSickle several times cited a survey of 616 Clevelanders, orchestrated in collaboration with Baldwin Wallace, that showed that, although 70 percent of respondents used a car to get around most of the time, about two-thirds of them, VanSickle reiterated, “would opt to ride a bicycle if it was safe and convenient for them to do it.” (He even recently hired a community organizer, Jerrod Shakir, to better link Bike Cleveland’s philosophy with untapped city blocks.)

A 39-year-old father of two who’s been pressing the city for safer streets to bike on since Mayor Frank Jackson’s second term, VanSickle framed Cleveland’s need to put its six-laners on a “road diet,” or paint others a strip of green, as first and foremost a lifesaving allocation of money.

“I don’t like it when my son gets home from school and he says, ‘Hey, it’s 70 degrees, Dad, I want to go ride my bike,’” he said. “And the whole time I’m just worried about him getting hit by a car from the careless drivers coming home from work at five o’clock.

“That shouldn’t happen in the city,” he added.

Such mental health woes worried Schmitt, a traffic-aware planner and a mother of two, who, like VanSickle, digested the 2023 crash report in a personal way. (Schmitt was hit by a car while crossing West 44th St. in 2022.)

“There’s, like, a record scratch when [drivers] see you biking with your kids. You don’t see kids even playing outdoors anymore,” she said. “Part of that is technology, of course. I just think we’re dealing with a lot of crises in our culture right now that are intersecting in bad ways.”

For Jonathan Steirer, 31, a Cudell resident who often bikes eight miles to his job near Case Western Reserve, the city pushing for better bike lanes comes naturally with a dose of skepticism. Which stems, of course, from the fact he’s been hit three times—twice, he said, near the intersection of Euclid Ave. and East 55th St.

Echoing one of Mersmann’s sentiments—that the upcoming Mobility Master Plan will provide lanes “safe for kids and their grandparents”—Steirer believes cross-city commuters like him may not bat an eye at shiny street overhauls.

“I think shorter distances, it could change behavior,” he told Scene after the talk. “I don’t know if you’d get more like long-distance bike commuters. I think that you have to really enjoy it a little more. A lot of people, it’s dependent on if can they shower when they get there?”

Cleveland’s Mobility Team is planning to release its master plan report sometime this summer, following a couple months of feedback touring. The goal, Mersmann told the crowd, is to actualize a three-year quickimplimentation plan, and build “rapidly” on streets with high crash data.

But, this time around, focus on best practices. God forbid, she said, we go back to the lanes in vogue during Jackson administration.

“More than a decade ago we were begging the city to install

sharrows, and this is how far we’ve come,” Mersmann exclaimed. “And they complained at the time that they didn’t have a stencil. That was their excuse!”

“That’s true,” Matt Zone, a city councilmember at the time, confirmed in the audience. “We actually said that: we don’t have a stencil.”

“Sharrows, they aren’t infrastructure,” VanSickle said. “They’re just signs.” – Mark Oprea

Studio West 117 Defaulted on $9 Million in Loans

The ambitious but embattled Studio West 117 project continues to face hurdles both cultural and financial as founders Daniel Budish and Betsy Figgie last year defaulted on loans totalling more than $9 million from Truist Bank.

A Geauga County judge late in 2023 issued a judgment lien after they missed payments — which they acknowledged in court filings.

“In December we entered into a thoughtful and comprehensive forbearance agreement which is allowing us time to recapitalize the debt,” Figgie told Scene in a statement.

The news was first reported by Signal Cleveland.

Budish told Signal, without going into details, that there are plans, approved by the bank, to refinance Studio West 117 “into a social enterprise structure by the end of the year.”

Studio West opened its first phase of a multi-year plan in October 2022 with a 300,000 square-foot facility that included restaurants, a bar, a gym, and rentable retail spots that would be leased to LGBTQ+ business owners.

A second phase, slated for 2025, would include a complete

Photo by Marc Oprea

Bike Cleveland’s Jacob VanSickle (center) with moderator Deidre McPherson (right).

renovation of the Phantasy Theater along with new entertainment spaces. A third phase, also slated for 2025, would see 100 new apartment units constructed. Initial plans also called for senior living for LGBTQ+ residents and a hotel.

It has faced criticism in the community and from former employees, as detailed by Scene and the Buckeye Flame in 2023, for its culture, business practices, leadership and relationship with the original foundation created in tandem with the project.

“We took a huge risk on our community and embarked on something that has never been done before to help provide an affirming and welcoming space for our LGBTQ+ community,” Budish continued in a statement to Signal. “Since the very beginning we have faced large headwinds, from the legislative attacks on the LGBTQ+ community in Ohio, to Covid and its effect on the bar and restaurant industry, to the macroeconomic construction and real estate environment from rising construction costs, supply chain delays and straight into interest rate increases.”

As Signal also reported, properties tied to the project are also behind on $220,000 in property tax payments. – Vince Grzegorek

mark when it cut the ribbon on 2020 Lakeside Avenue, a brand new building intended as a sibling operation to the next-door men’s shelter at 2100, which Cuyahoga County has been overseeing in partnership with the Lutheran Metropolitan Ministry for almost two decades.

Out of the 5,000 or so the county estimated are homeless inside its boundaries, roughly 350 of those people are unsheltered, single men. (About the number of beds at 2100.) And, for the past few years, local governments and nonprofits have been drumming up solutions on the best way to steer this population—and the growing population of homeless women— into permanent housing.

That is, if those that occupy the numerous tents that dot Superior Avenue choose to check in to 2020, or if they find greater value sleeping out on the sidewalks, without noisy neighbors, potential drug interference, or the nagging intimidation of barriers-to-entry.

“It’s bittersweet, because we need these beds, we need this space,” County Executive Chris Ronayne said from a podium inside 2020 on Tuesday. He recalled a recent tour of the shelter next door: “I was just making the rounds and walking, and realizing that it’s crowded. It’s crowded. And we need to give our residents the dignity of space.”

Lakeside Men’s Homeless Shelter Extension Opens, Putting Dent in County’s Demand for Beds

A year ago, in March 2023, Cuyahoga County released a strategic plan to best combat growing rates of homelessness exacerbated in wake of the global pandemic. Among the call for outreach workers and more affordable homes, the report clocked a goal for 2028: to house 500 more.

Last week, the county seemingly stepped a bit closer to hitting its

at county meetings rallying for action “every week,” told Scene, as she walked through 2020’s pristine shower stalls. In other shelters, “you can’t use the toilets. They run out of drinking water. Run out of bathroom tissue.”

It’s what, one thinks as they tour, $4.4 million in American Rescue Plan Act dollars can build. But that was then, back in 2021, when the county’s budget for solving homeless issues was given more financial grace by the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Which makes one wonder how exactly, as Ronayne and others suggested last Tuesday, the county could wrangle more funds together to fix the shelter next door. “We’re at this cross-current of ARPA winding down,” Ronayne said, “at exactly the moment when, sadly, our rates of unhoused are going off.”

As are hesitation to build facilities. Last February, residents of Ohio City sounded off at a Board of Zoning Appeals meeting, fearing that LMM converting an office building off Franklin Avenue would be hazardous to their neighborhood. BZA approved the construction regardless.

Similar tones of fear were seen at a town hall meeting in Munson Township last month, where hundreds of anxious locals showed up in an attempt to steer the Geauga Faith Rescue Mission away from constructing a 10bed shelter for women in their apparent backyards. (It worked; GFRM is now hunting for another site.)

Michael Sering, LMM’s Vice President of Housing & Shelter, said that he believed 2020’s opening would create an absorbing effect, both deflating some of the overcrowding at 2100 and other shelters, and speeding up renovation of their first space.

For the total solar eclipse on April 8, that would mean clear skies with an unadulterated view of the sun and no pesky clouds to diminish the effect of totality. A perfect view of the corona and big black dot are what we’re after, with the full effect of the transition into totality and out of it. Sure, it’ll get dark and cooler with cloud cover, but, as those who’ve experienced eclipses in both situations will attest, the difference is all the difference in the world.

Unfortunately, we’re in Cleveland, OH, where gray skies basically ride shotgun through most of the early spring.

What are the chances Northeast Ohioans and all the eclipse chasers who will be traveling to the shores of Lake Erie to catch nearly four minutes of darkness will be blessed with ideal meteorological conditions?

Not great.

The experts over at Fox 8 dutifully reminded us that April sees 60-70% cloud cover, meaning just 30% clear, sunny skies during the month.

And the National Weather Service last week put the date’s forecast into historical perspective with details from the last 20 years. (Gird thyself for the number of times “clouds” make an appearance.)

2023- Mostly clear, 53

2022 - Cloudy/rain, 47

2021 - Parly cloudy, 64

2020 - Fair skies, 64

2019 - Cloudy, 66

2018 - Fair skies, 35

2017 - Fair skies, 57

2016 - Mostly cloudy, 40

2015 - Cloudy, 51

2014 - Fair skies, 53

2013 - Mostly cloudy, 70

2012 - Partly cloudy, 59

2011 - Cloudy, 49

2010 - Cloudy, 50

2009 - Fair skies, 48

The county’s newest shelter features 113 beds—the majority of them bunked—in a 14,000 squarefoot room that resembles more of a barracks than a hostel. Each “semi-private” room contains one or two Hallowell lockers, and are separated with nine-foot, powder blue walls. There are lights for reading, outlets for charging phones, among other amenities.

It’s a stark contrast, it seems, from what lingers feet away from the new building.

“They really did a better job,” Loh, an activist who was present

“We will no longer need offsite location and shuttle trips to meet periodic influxes” of people, Stearns told press. As for 2100, “we can now rearrange or deconcentrate one-third of our beds. And that will make for better spaces for everyone.” – Mark Oprea

What the Weather Has Been Like on April 8 in Cleveland the Last 20 Years

When a once-in-a-lifetime celestial show arrives, you want nothing more than the perfect conditions for which to enjoy it.

2008 - Mostly cloudy, 63

2007 - Cloudy, 30

2006 - Partly cloudy, 36

2005 - Fair skies, 69

2004 - Mostly cloudy, 52

2003 - Cloudy, 53

Remember, of course, that partly cloudy could be just fine for the experience, assuming Cleveland sees a clearing just before 3 p.m. Who cares if it’s cloudy at 9 a.m. or 7 p.m., after all. –

Vince Grzegorek

Photo by Marc Oprea

FOUR MINUTES OF HISTORY

What the April 8th total solar eclipse means for Cleveland and how amateur astronomers and scientific pros are getting ready for the big moment

By Mark Oprea

IT NEVER SEEMS TO ESCAPE

Jay Ryan that a good bulk of his work over the past three decades will culminate in just three minutes and fifty seconds.

That roughly four minutes, as foretold for centuries, is the time during the day in which we will be without our sun. We’re told, as Ryan’s been talking about ad nauseam since last March, that on April 8, from 3:13 p.m. to 3:17 p.m., Clevelanders will be privy to a total solar eclipse, in which the moon blocks out sunlight, casting a 124-mile-wide dark shadow that will stretch from Toledo to Canton. Crickets chirp. Chickens roost. Birds stop singing. “The cows get confused, and go home,” Ryan said.

“And people, some people just lose their heads,” Ryan added. “They scream. They laugh. They cry. They

sob uncontrollably. Whatever your personality is, that is how you’re gonna react.”

Ryan, 62, is a self-described amateur astronomer living with his wife and daughter in Old Brooklyn who, for roughly four years, has been talking to a network of institutions that have been preparing the city, and the region, for April 8th’s natural phenomena. And, of course, its unpredictability: from the incoming hordes of eclipse tourists descending on Northeast Ohio—an influx estimated to be anywhere from 200,000 to 500,000—to the exact pockets of the county, or state, they’ll be clustered in to the prevalence of clouds in those four precious minutes.

This fragility gives Ryan, as it gives his milieu of amateur astronomers, a particular kind of

anxiety. For about 5,000 years, human beings have been recording, and predicting, a marvel over the sudden extinguishing of sunlight. By around 2,000 B.C.E., Babylonians parsed this into a type of protoscience called the Saros cycle, finding that lunar and solar eclipses repeat, somewhere on the planet, precisely every 18 years, 11 days and eight hours. (Ryan keeps a laminated printout of this cycle on his dining table.) Herein lies Ryan’s jolt: explaining to those both the brevity of a highly particular phenomenon and convincing skeptics of a total eclipse’s emotional punch.

That is, obviously, if those here in Cleveland on April 8 can actually see it. Regardless of the sky that afternoon, Ryan, along with the rest of the Solar Eclipse Task Force, has had to prepare for favorable weather.

As of early March, every hotel in Downtown Cleveland has been booked, with fees running four to five times the average weekend rates. (One Airbnb, an apartment downtown, went for $3,600 a night.) County and city emergency management teams have requested hundreds of traffic barriers and porta johns. The Ohio Department of Transportation is relocating temporary construction along all highways, and anticipating hours of gridlock. And NASA Glenn, the sole NASA research center in the Path of Totality, from Montreal to Kerrville, Texas, will be hosting about three dozen engineers to, they hope, better study a crystalline view of solar flares. An astronomy meet, a NASA spokesperson said, makes Cleveland “ the prime spot for the eclipse broadcast.”

Photo by Marc Oprea

Amateur astronomer Jay Ryan holds up a laminated copy of the Saros cycle, a chronology of every eclipse in recent millenia.

Along with creating his Eclipse Over Cleveland website, and selling 31,000 branded viewing specs, Ryan has embarked on months of a lecture tour to try and sell the eclipse’s personal worth to a general audience. A similar plunge has been taken by those like Ryan, whether it be pros with academic tenure or armchair aficionados, who have been releasing books, headlining university or library talks, participating in dayslong media tours.

“I’ve been pretty much booked up now for almost a year,” Gary Kader, the director of Baldwin Wallace’s Burrell Observatory, said outside a BW lecture hall in early February. Kader was slated to say a few words to the Cleveland Astronomy Society, after NASA astronomer Kelly Korreck detailed, via Zoom, her own predictions. As Kader made his. “You have to understand that this is a human event,” he said, recalling the three totals he’s witnessed in his 75 years. “If you’ve seen one, you can understand why people thought it was the end of the world. Quite frankly, it’s disorienting.”

After an eclipse-themed book raffle, the CAS started its main event for the thirty or so in attendance, mostly those in rain jackets and white hair. Korreck presented in a twofold manner: On one end, April 8 is a day NASA can better study solar flares. (“The sun is a curious beast,” she said.) On the other, a day ripe with existential wonder.

“There is no other place in the universe with a moon this big, this far away from the earth, and to cover the sun up exactly in this very way,” Korreck said. Kader nodded in the second row. “I want you to let that sink in for a minute. How powerful that is.”

***

There was pandemonium in Beijing in the middle of October in 2,134 B.C.E. A sudden engulfment of the sun, the Chinese believed, meant it had been “eaten” by a celestial dragon, a sort of godly punishment for bad society mores. People flooded the streets banging pots and pans at the dark circle in the sky. Others hid in their homes. As legend has it, Emperor Shun was so enraged by the sun-devouring that he ordered his staff astronomers, Hsi and Ho, beheaded for failing to do their job. (They, the legend also tells us, were simply too drunk.

Weather, as both NASA engineers and meteorologists know, is a fickle beast to foretell. Besides the half

dozen weather balloons floating around the Midwest, and automatic readings from jets soaring the stratosphere, a lot of what can be assumed about a day’s precipitation or sunlight is often gleaned from historical records. According to the National Weather Service, 13 of the past 23 April 8ths had precipitation of some kind—five days, like 2018 and 2016, carried snow.

“Well, here’s the problem,” Mark Johnson, News 5’s chief meteorologist told Scene, from his newsroom off Euclid Avenue. “If you look back at history for these last twenty years, cloud cover on any April 8th afternoon in Northern Ohio is sixty to eighty percent.”

Johnson put up a weather map on the forecast wall near his desk. A dark gray blob encompassed a large swath of Ohio, Michigan and New York. “Let me put it this way. The odds of it being a cloudless day are slim. Really, really slim.”

A native Clevelander who made his first report for News 5 in November of 1993, Johnson likes to describe his job as one neighboring astronomy, through the umbrella, he says, of “space weather.” “I have a permanent crick in my neck from stargazing,” Johnson said. This reputation divulging the Lake Effect to trusting Northeast Ohioans carries a kind of social contract Johnson has little say in. He must report what little data—from one satellite and four balloons—he receives already.

It’s a fear that makes April 8 Johnson’s Gladiator moment, to put it facetiously. A recent run-in with fans at his daughter’s volleyball game told him so. “I had three or four people come up to me, and say, ‘How’s it feel to get it wrong all the time, and still have a job?’” Johnson said. He adjusted his red tie. “‘You’re wrong all the time!’ Well no, actually I’m not.” (He’s accurate about “85 percent of the time.”)

Forty-eight hours before totality, around the usual time Johnson starts his shift at News 5, meteorologists around the region will be able to predict, with more assurance, what the sky will look like that Monday afternoon. Or what it could look like.

The only problem is, if Johnson’s worst fear is right, and 3:13 p.m. bears cloud coverage, then that report will divert hundreds of thousands southward towards better weather predictions. That is, to Mansfield or Dayton, to Indiana or Texas. (Even Texas is a fifty-fifty gamble, weather wise.) Hundreds if not thousands of hotel rooms booked a year in advance could, in

theory, sit empty as a mad rush of eclipse tourists flee a city that had planned for two years to accommodate them.

Bryan Kloss and Mark Christie at the Cuyahoga County Emergency Management will have to deal with it. Two years of exact plans, of joint collaboration with fifteen agencies and a “100-plus”page preparation report, could go to Plan Bs and contingencies they’ve prepped for. A darkened, cloudy sky could cause accidents. Cell phone towers, as what happened during Nashville’s 2017 total eclipse, could go down for hours.

“Best case scenario: It’s a sunny day, everybody has a wonderful time, and we’re able to move traffic through nicely without having to worry about road closures,” Kloss told Scene, sitting in the GIS section of the command center he helps oversee, rows of computers behind him. “People enjoy the event. It’s sunny. It’s warm. They go to the beach. They go to the fields. They enjoy it, and they all go home. That’s what our job is: to make sure they all go home safe.”

On a recent Thursday afternoon, Johnson walked into his studio in an electric-blue suit to once again detail what he believes might happen that day in April. A father-of-three with the high energy of a Bill Nye, Johnson veered between a Trekkietype anticipation and a jester’s anxiety as his two colleagues, Kate McGraw and Katie Ussin, recorded an April 8 promo nearby.

“I’m manifesting it to be clear,” McGraw told Scene, with a wink, after the broadcast. She smiled. “I’m just going to put out good vibes, that we’re going to have clear skies.”

“Thousands and thousands of people—I’m their guy,” Johnson said, as McGraw and Ussin played back their promo. “The pressure is on.” He took a breath. “I wake up in a cold sweat just about every night going, ‘Oh my gosh, what if? I mean, what if?”

“And if we do fail?” he added. “I may jump on a plane for a week or so.” ***

On a recent Friday in March, Catherine Urban cleaned her twostory house, said goodbye to her husband and two daughters, and took a seat at her dining room table in Edgewater. Her laptop is open in front of her, as is The New American Ephemeris. There are salt crystals nearby. An album called “The Zodiac Cosmic Sound” is framed on the wall.

“Eclipse time is usually not an easy time,” Urban said, calmly. “It’s a time where we often feel like our

walls are getting smaller.”

Farrah, 37, is sitting across from her, in serpent earrings and hands cupped on her waist. “So, my mother-in-law just moved in,” she said. “They’d sold their house. My husband’s parents got divorced, she moved in with us. And her birthday is mid-April, which I find interesting. And she’s trying to move.”

Urban leans in a bit closer to her laptop screen, as if to second guess the astrological chart displayed on it. “So she’ll be impacted by eclipse season, too.” She checked chart notes on her Steno pad, where, earlier that day she made the same for Donald Trump and Joe Biden. (“Don’t forget, Twitter was bought by Elon Musk in eclipse season,” Urban said.)

Farrah giggled anxiously. “Well, I feel now there’s a lot of positives,” she said. “I didn’t know what I was walking into.”

“Solar eclipses tend to bring in more elements that feel faded, they feel out of our control,” Urban said. Her hands grow animated. “People tend to feel like it clears the path for them so they could bring something forward, so that they could actualize something they came here to do. Or sometimes it’s something really disruptive.” Urban smiled, and laughed lightly. “So, this is going to be a big one.”

Growing up in Chagrin Falls intrigued by her grandparents’ New Age library, Urban began pursuing work as a professional astrologer in her mid-twenties. Soon, she studied with famed New York astrologer John Marchesella, and hosted guest lectures in Lilydale, New York, the Spiritualist center of the United States. She’s written an astrologythemed cookbook. She’s since given thousands of readings. “I have clients all over the world,” she said.

The most important reading might have been her own, circa 2017. Her then-boyfriend Eli, who Urban had been with since meeting in cosmetology school, had suggested the two travel to Asheville on August 20, to see their first total eclipse on the Hard Times Trail. To Urban’s surprise, Eli proposed. (“I had no idea,” she said.) Urban said yes. The next day, on a lake in Georgia, they embraced as the moon engulfed the sun.

“It was life-altering,” Urban said. “When I think about some of the most amazing and ecstatic things I’ve experienced, it felt like laying eyes on my newborn children.”

Second to…

That day, after Farrah’s reading, Urban’s kids arrive home with Eli. Urban’s oldest leapt boisterously

into her arms at the kitchen table. “He’s like me,” Urban said. “Total Aquarius.”

***

Thirty-one days before Cleveland hypothetically doubles in size, Jay Ryan sat at his dining room table in Old Brooklyn to once again discuss the implications of those three minutes and fifty seconds. In front of him is an 1806 Almanac, his laminated, eight-foot print out of the Saros cycle. An article in the Old Brooklyn News he’s given to each member of Cleveland City Council. In the basement is Ryan’s Dobsonian telescope he built out of rebar and concrete Sonotube.

“Oh, Dad talks every single day about the eclipse,” Ryan’s teenage daughter Flo said while doing homework in the kitchen. “Every day.”

Which, of course, begs the question: What is Ryan to do on April 9? After the half million or so drive or fly back to their homes—presumably with new takes on their lives. After the Guardians play their home opener to a sold-out crowd in the aftermath. After all the barriers and porta johns are removed, after construction dividers and crews return to daily labor on the highways.

Ryan sort of bucks the question. “It may come as a surprise to some people, but I have other things I’m interested in,” he said, laughing. He recalled the Cleveland he grew up in, the city ununified, that city known for its river fire, that city used as the butt of a Johnny Carson joke. “I’m hoping that this will be a turning point for Cleveland, Ohio,” Ryan said. “And I’m hoping that this eclipse will close the deal once and for all on the Cleveland renaissance. I’m hoping that we’ll turn a corner. I’m hoping that this community will come together.”

As for any life change in Jay Ryan, the best the eclipse ambassador can do is relate his own story of 2017, when the Ryans drove down to Hartsville, Tennessee, to catch the total with hundreds of friends and family members. As the sun’s corona began to flicker, a phenomenon called Baily’s Beads, Ryan’s wife and others let out a series of ahs and gasps. Others laughed. Some cried.

“There were no surprises for me,” Ryan recalled. “I was already so old, and so well-versed in the subject, I knew exactly what to expect.”

Ryan cackled, realizing the absurdity. “I guess it was just my personality, something about myself I never truly understood.”

10 TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE EVENTS AND VIEWING PARTIES

It’s just fine to walk into your backyard or down your driveway to enjoy the eclipse. Besides being the most convenient option, it’ll also guarantee you avoid what officials have promised will be a gnarly day of traffic around the region.

(A word to the wise: Car pooling, public transit, bikes and good oldfashioned walking are probably going to be your best bets for getting around.)

But if you want to leave your house and take in the big historical moment with others, here are some fabulous options around town.

Cleveland Museum of Natural History

Geek out with CMNH’s astronomers and other museum experts on a day for the history books. Our hub for all things history will be shining brightly amid this marvel of darkness, planning a weekend full of events ahead of the Monday spectacle. Start things early on Thursday with a late-night tour of the museum’s Visitor Hall and Nathan and Fannye Shafran Planetarium, featuring a cash bar and celestial-themed food offerings. Take a trip to the museum on Saturday or Sunday to chat with eclipse experts and learn all you need to know ahead of the grand event on April 8. Featuring live music, interactive activities and other special programming, Wade Oval will be bursting with total joy for this light show. Tickets $5-$15, 1 Wade Oval Dr., Cleveland, April 4-8, cmnh.org.

Great Lakes Science Center

Who better to spend the total solar eclipse with than the experts of science themselves at the Science Center? Spanning over three days, everyone will have a chance to join in on the festivities at North Coast Harbor. Each day will provide outdoor family fun, including interactive activities and demonstrations, local food, vendors and other entertainment. Special features throughout the weekend include a free, space-themed performance from The Cleveland Orchestra on Sunday, and a lesson in studying the sun, followed by a live broadcast of the eclipse by NASA’s Glenn Research Center on Monday. Free, 601 Erieside Ave., Cleveland, April 6-8, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., greatscience.com.

Music Box

With a stunning view of Downtown Cleveland and the Cuyahoga River, the Music Box will be a hotspot on April 8. The party will feature a show by The Sunrise Jones, and tickets also include an open bar, grand buffet, dancing and pairs of solar eclipse glasses. Tickets $150, 1148 Main Ave., Cleveland, April 8, noon, musicboxcle.com.

Lights Out in the Land

Join the Lake Erie Crushers at their home base for a day full of games, food, music and solar-powered fun. In partnership with Fusion. Marketing Group, the venue will host an interactive “game show” for a chance to win prizes while learning more about the eclipse. Grab a “Planet Passport” and spend the day exploring outer space through various activities and crafts, and you might just win a prize. Then, for the grand event, join your friends and family on the Crushers’ field with your eclipse glasses and take in the views. Tickets $30, 2009 Baseball Blvd., Avon, April 8, 11:30 a.m.-4:30 p.m., lakeeriecrushers.com.

Solar Eclipse Watch Party

Located on the centerline of totality for the upcoming eclipse, Avon Lake is making sure to bring the heat. Starting a day early, they will be hosting the Eclipse Chaser 5k on April 7 to ring in the festivities. Then, April 8’s celebration at Avon Lake High School Memorial Stadium will boast local food trucks and vendors, special eclipse glasses and merchandise, an inflatable play area for kids, and live music from Audiophile and Follow the Sun. Local astronomers and other eclipse experts will also be on-site to make this event equally educational and fun. Coming from out of town? The city has spots for RVs and campers available to reserve, so you can make Avon Lake your home away from home for the day. Watch party tickets $15-$25.,175 Avon Belden Road, Avon Lake, 11 a.m.-5:30 p.m., avonlakesolareclipse.com.

Total Eclipse of the Port

Get your cosmic fix all weekend long at the Fairport Harbor Lakefront Park. The village has planned an exciting weekend, coinciding with the annual spring open house for local businesses on April 6. The festivities continue on April 8 with the Village of Fairport Harbor hosting an Eclipse Viewing Party on Lighthouse Hill from 1 to 5 p.m. Enjoy music and delectable offerings from food trucks in

anticipation of the main event around 3:15 p.m. April 6-8, 301 Huntington Beach Dr., Fairport Harbor, fairportharbortourism.com.

Holden Arboretum’s Total

Eclipse of the Arboretum

Be one with nature while you celebrate one of nature’s coolest sensations. Kick back with your friends, family, and pets and bask in the arboretum’s 3,500 acres of outdoor beauty for this April’s total solar eclipse. Pack your own picnic, or dine with one of the many food trucks slated to be on site. Purchase of admission will get you access to food, music, complimentary viewing glasses, and all the priceless sounds and sights of the grounds. Tickets $25. 9550 Sperry Road, Kirtland, April 8, 10 a.m.-5 p.m., holdenfg.org.

Total Eclipse of the Point

Thrill-seekers take note: Cedar Point will open early for the season, just for the solar eclipse. Guests can visit The Boardwalk and go on select rides while visiting the Grand Pavilion Restaurant & Bar. More details, including ticket prices, will be announced. 1 Cedar Point Dr., Sandusky, April 8, cedarpoint.com.

Total Eclipse of the Park

Witness the breathtaking spectacle of a total solar eclipse at Crocker Park. Complimentary eclipseviewing glasses will be provided. A live musical performance by Apostle Jones will enhance the experience and specialty sales will be taking place at various shops throughout the property. Registration is not required, and the event is free. Viewers coming from out of town will be able to purchase a room at the Hyatt nearby. 117 Market St., Westlake, April 8, 2 p.m. crockerpark.com.

Legacy Village

Join friends, family, shoppers and eclipse-lovers alike at Lyndhurst’s favorite strip mall for an afternoon on the Lawn. Live music, food trucks, vendors, and other activities will be the main attraction, with shops around the village ready for when you need some retail therapy. Free, 25010 Cedar Road, Lyndhurst. April 8, 2-4 p.m., facebook.com/ legacyvillage.

GET OUT Everything to do in Cleveland for the next two weeks

WED 03/13

2024 MAC Tournament

Many teams in college basketball’s biggest conferences will make it to the NCAA basketball tournament whether or not they win their conference tournament. In the Mid-American Conference, teams must win the conference tournament to get selected to play at the Big Dance. At least that’s traditionally been the case. So expect the mid-sized schools from the region (Kent State, Ohio University, Akron University, etc.) who’ll duke it out at this year’s tournament to engage in some real winner-take-all battles. The tournament starts today at Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse, leading up to the championship games on Saturday. 1 Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

THU 03/14

Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School

Founded in 2005 in a dive bar in Brooklyn, Dr. Sketchy’s has now spread to more than 100 cities around the world. Dr. Sketchy Akron, a monthly drink and draw event that takes place on the second Thursday of each month at Jilly’s Music Room in Akron, gives patrons the opportunity to “draw glamorous underground performers in an atmosphere of boozy conviviality.” The fun begins at 7 p.m.; it costs $10 to draw.

111 N Main St., Akron, 330-576-3757, jillysmusicroom.com.

FRI 03/15

Michael Colyar

Comedian Michael Colyar tells the kinds of jokes that aren’t designed to appeal solely to fans of a certain ethnicity, age or background. He aims at making everyone laugh. Colyar, who has a Donald Trump impersonation that finds him spouting things like, “Let’s make America white again,” performs tonight at 7:30 and 10 at the Improv, where he has shows scheduled through Sunday. Check the venue website for more info.

1148 Main Ave., 216-696-4677, cleveland.funnybone.com.

Leanne Morgan

Leanne Morgan’s popular online standup special, So Yummy, has reached over 50 million views on YouTube, making her a household name. She tends to joke

about the trials and tribulations of being a housewife, sharing Jell-O recipes and having a new grandbaby. She performs tonight at 7 at Connor Palace.

1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Third Friday

From 5 to 9 p.m., many of the 78th Street Studios resident artist studios and galleries will be open as part of this monthly event. There will be live music, and Local West, a Gordon Square sandwich shop, will serve food. BARneo will have a selection of adult beverages as well. Admission is free. third Friday of every month.

1300 West 78th St., 78thstreetstudios. com.

SAT 03/16

Anthony Jeselnik

The creator, host, and producer of his Comedy Central series, Good Talk and the Jeselnik Offensive, comedian Anthony Jeselnik performs tonight at 7

at the State Theatre.

1519 Euclid Avenue, 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

SUN 03/17

Monsters vs. Wilkes-Barre Scranton Penguins

Getting to the arena for this afternoon’s Monsters’ game against the WilkesBarre Scranton Penguins might be difficult since St. Patrick’s Day festivities will still be going on. That said, you can expect a festive atmosphere for this game. The puck drops at 3 p.m., and the two teams face off again at 7 tomorrow night at the arena. One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com. thirdspaceactionlab.com.

St. Patrick’s Day Parade

The first Cleveland St. Patrick’s Day parade reportedly took place in 1867. In the early years, the parade marched through the near-westside (from the Flats to Detroit-Shoreway),

where the region’s Irish immigrants were concentrated. The songs and dancing were organized by the Order of the Hibernians. Back in 1910, Ohio senator Dan Mooney introduced a bill which recognized St. Patrick’s Day in Ohio, turning the parade into a true tradition. Today’s parade launches at 2:04 p.m. at Superior Ave. at E. 18th St. and will end at the intersection of Rockwell Ave. and Ontario St. Expect downtown bars to be jammed after it’s over. The parade route and more are on the website. stpatricksdaycleveland.com.

TUE 03/19

Annie

The musical Annie, which features the iconic book and score, written by Tony Award-winners Thomas Meehan, Charles Strouse and Martin Charnin, comes to Connor Palace. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30, and performances continue through Sunday.

The annual St. Patrick’s Day parade returns to Downtown Cleveland. See: Saturday, March 17.| Emanuel Wallace

Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

Chamber Music in the Atrium

This monthly concert series at the Cleveland Museum of Art places young musicians from the Cleveland Institute of Music in the CMA atrium. The concert features standards and “unknown gems.” It begins at noon.

11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.

WED 03/20

The 10 X 3 Songwriter Band Showcase

Hosted by Brent Kirby

The concept of 10x3 is a pre-arranged line up with 10 songwriters/bands performing three songs each. Two of the them required to be original, and the third can be the artist’s choice. Local singer-songwriter Brent Kirby hosts the event, which runs from 7 to 9 tonight at the Bop Stop. Admission is free.

2920 Detroit Ave., 216-771-6551, themusicsettlement.org.

Cavaliers vs. Miami Heat

Despite the consistent play of star Jimmy Butler, the Miami Heat have struggled this season. They’ll have a hard time getting back to the NBA Finals if they keep things up. Tonight at 7, they come to Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse to take on the Cavs.

One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

THU 03/21

Baldwin Wallace Musical Theater — KJ Baptiste Benefit

More than 30 performers Baldwin Wallace’s Musical Theatre, including alumni and current students, will be on hand for this tribute to Kyle Jean Baptiste. The event begins at 7:30 p.m. at Market Garden Brewery, and tickets cost $20.

1947 West 25th St., 216-621-4000, marketgardenbrewery.com.

FRI 03/22

Cleveland Home & Remodeling Show

Exhibitors who can help you rebuild your garage or remodel your home will be on hand today for the Cleveland Home & Remodeling Show. The event takes place from 2 to 7 p.m. today at the I-X Center, and it continues through Sunday.

1 I-X Center Dr., 216-676-6000, ixcenter.com.

The Merry Wives of Windsor Mistress Ford and Mistress Page

devise a scheme of their own to teach Sir John Falstaff a well-deserved lesson in this Shakespeare play. Great Lakes Theatre presents the classic comedy tonight at 7:30 at the Hanna Theatre, where performances continue through April 7.

2067 East 14th St., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

SAT 03/23

Black Violin Experience Tour

This group that “reconceptualizes what a violin concert looks and sounds like, building bridges to a place where Mozart, Marvin Gaye and Kendrick Lamar harmoniously coexist. Black Violin invites you to think outside of the box,” as it’s put in a press release, performs tonight at 8 at the State Theatre.

1519 Euclid Avenue, 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

SUN 03/24

Joe Pera

Best known as the creator and star of Adult Swim’s Joe Pera Talks with You, the comedian brings his PERAs tour to the Agora tonight at 6. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.

MON 03/25

Cavaliers vs. Charlotte Hornets

Prior to the NBA trade deadline, the Charlotte Hornets unloaded some of their best players as they will look to rebuild for next season. Expect the Cavs to take advantage of the team when it comes to Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse tonight for a game that begins at 7.

One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketmortgagefieldhouse.com.

TUE 03/26

Lyrical Rhythms Open Mic and Chill

This long-running open mic night at the B Side in Cleveland Heights allows some of the city’s best rappers and poets to strut their stuff. The event begins at 8 with a comedy session dubbed 2 Drinks & a Joke with host Ant Morrow. The open mic performances begin at 10 p.m. Tickets cost $5 in advance, $10 at the door. 2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Heights, 216-932-1966, bsideliquorlounge.com.

EXPLORERS CLUB

Amazonia delights and gives plenty of reasons to return

By Douglas Trattner

LIKE THE PHRASE “HIDDEN gem,” the term “speakeasy” is offered these days with reckless abandon. In truth, there are precious few of either thanks to the ubiquity of social media. But Amazonia in Lakewood deserves the latter label owing to its byzantine method of ingress, which involves walking through a taco restaurant, traversing a small courtyard, and entering a separate structure through a rear door. The true delight of any good speakeasy, as one knows, is the payoff – the scene that awaits guests on the other side of that door, or phone booth, or secret bookshelf. Again, Amazonia more than fits the bill.

It’s extraordinary to see how far the Vergara family has journeyed since 2011, when Juan and his father Carlos introduced many of us to the joys of a freshly made arepa. Well, figuratively distant anyway, not literally; Barroco, that tiny café on Madison that started it all, stands just 500 steps from Amazonia, a full-circle expedition that now encompasses multiple brands, concepts and locations.

Expedition, as it turns out, is the theme of this new speakeasy. Vergara’s meticulously crafted tableau presents the sort of annals, artifacts and spoils with which an adventurer might return home following a trek to the deepest, darkest jungles of South America. It’s all neatly arranged in a dimly lit den-like space that feels like a local chapter of the Explorers Club. After crossing that shadowy threshold, guests are immediately thrust into a tightly packed barroom, where a host outfitted with a radio earpiece plays air traffic controller.

“Every cocktail tells a story,” says our server as he hands over the “Book of Potions,” aka the cocktail menu. Expect to take some time digging into the tome as if it were a dusty grimoire filled with artfully illustrated incantations. Long before that first sip hits your lips, you can

deduce that Amazonia takes its cocktails very seriously.

Order the Smoke Signals ($17) and you’ll wonder if you slipped into an ayahuasca ceremony. A plug of Palo Santo, a holy wood from Ecuador, is lit like incense, filling the immediate area with whiffs of vanilla and spice. The herbaceous beverage is a riff on the Paper Plane, with the subtle addition of coconutwashed bourbon. No shortage of digital ink has been spilled on the Heart of the Rainforest ($18), the cocktail starring edible ants. Rising out of the cup is a gnarled twist of wood covered in black bugs that appear mired in resin. It takes a little finesse to nibble the ants off the stick, but there isn’t much flavor or texture in the end. There might be no prettier cocktail than the Flora & Fauna ($15), an ombrelike elixir that shifts from orange to purple. Credit goes to beverage director Gabrielle Swafford, who puts thought into every detail, from ice to glassware to garnish.

When held up to the theatrical nature of the setting, and the sophistication of the beverage program, the food has trouble

AMAZONIA

competing for attention. It’s snack food, gussied up with polished plating and presentation. That’s perfectly fine, as Amazonia was never billed as a restaurant, but rather a craft cocktail bar. And the food program here is still miles above that found at most bars. Sticking with the globetrotting theme, the items on the menu represent trips taken, miles travelled, experiences lived. Slowcooked beef birria ($16) is tucked into a trio of soft, puffy flour tortillas and topped with bright, crunchy slaw and a zippy pepper sauce. Tidy, compact pulled pork sliders ($16) are easy to handle without even having to put down your drink. They are sweet, savory and faintly spicy. Chicken tinga ($16) is reworked into a chunky dip that is served cold alongside a stack of crunchy tostadas. Vergara recently took a pizza-making junket to Naples to learn how to operate his Italian-made wood-fired pizza oven.

The resulting pies, while not quite at virtuoso level, are easy to enjoy. Ours, a special ($18), was topped with fresh sauce, spicy thick-sliced salami and a honey drizzle.

Perhaps it was another odyssey –the one from the downstairs kitchen to the upstairs dining room – that resulted in some temperature issues. An otherwise flavor-packed bowl of cream of mushroom soup ($9) arrived tepid at best, and the meat in the tacos and sliders could have been hotter as well. To warrant a return, a great speakeasy must offer its guests more than that initial joy and jolt, for those sensations diminish with each passing visit. Even without all the pageantry, Amazonia deserves attention and praise for its atmosphere, cocktails, small plates and next-level service.

Doug Trattner

BITES

Coming Soon: Rooftop restaurant and wine bar at RH Gallery at Pinecrest

By Douglas Trattner

RH, THE LUXURY

HOME furnishings company formerly known as Restoration Hardware, is preparing to open the Gallery at Pinecrest, a three-story, 55,000-square-foot showroom that promises to blur “the lines between residential and retail, indoors and outdoors, home and hospitality.” Like those located in Chicago, New York, San Francisco, and Banbury, England, the one in Orange Village will have a robust food and beverage component.

The massive mansion-like structure was constructed on the site of the former Slyman’s Tavern, which was razed to clear the way for the project. Initially, the Slyman’s restaurant group announced plans to relocate to a smaller property at Pinecrest, but later scuttled those plans.

When it opens to the public on March 23, the Gallery (4009 Orange Pl., 216-691-3121) will welcome guests through an “expanse of glass-and-steel French doors that open onto lush garden courtyards and terraces.” The first two levels will be dedicated to RH Interiors, RH Contemporary, RH Modern and RH Interior Design Studio. To reach the rooftop restaurant and wine bar, guests will climb a “grand double floating staircase” in a space bathed in natural light from a soaring skylight. Once there, diners will enjoy a dramatic atrium setting that opens onto a meticulously landscaped park offering panoramic views.

Chef Kyle Anderson will oversee lunch and dinner menus populated by “enduring classics” such as burrata with grilled ciabatta, grilled avocado with crème fraiche and caviar, shrimp cocktails and Caesar salads. Lobster rolls and a grilled steak sandwich join larger plates like pesto pasta, roast chicken and broiled salmon. To start the day and at lunch, the menu offers wholesome items like avocado toast, French omelets, Swedish pancakes and a bagel, lox and schmear platter. Salads, burgers, chicken sandwiches and BLTs join larger plates with pasta, chops and fish.

A wine bar situated by a pair of wall fountains will serve wines from around the globe in a stunning rooftop setting.

The restaurant will be open daily from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. OpenTable began accepting reservations on March 11.

Larder Owners to Open a Culinary Retail Store in Hingetown

After news broke last week about Beet Jar’s move to the Quarter after 10 years in Hingetown, the question of the day was: Who will be taking over the space? The answer is Jeremy and Allie La Valle Umansky. The pair, who will be celebrating six years of Larder (1455 W. 29th St., 216-912-8203) next month, have signed a lease to take over the retail storefront across the street.

At just 500 square feet, the property has its limitations – but also unlimited potential, says Jeremy. The plan is to turn the store into a hub of culinary products, wisdom and guidance.

“We examined our brand, what it is and what we feel brings people in and yes, it’s good food, but also the how and why of good food,” says Jeremy. “A lot of people come to us for knowledge. We noticed a vacuum of culinary knowledge and access to tools. So we decided that a culinary store would be the next part of the Larder family.”

Guests can expect to find heaps of culinary books – both new and old – plus kitchen knives, baking equipment, spices, fermentation supplies and koji-making ingredients. Umansky has amassed a horde of vintage kitchen equipment, which will be restored and sold here. Unlike at posh kitchen stores, the goal here is to offer quality products at user-friendly prices.

“There’s no place right now for a young line cook or prep cook that’s just starting out who wants to spend some money on professional tools,” he adds. “I can import an old knife from Japan, rehab it and sell it at roughly a $50 price point.”

The as-yet-unnamed shop will have an online presence as well.

“Yes, the store is only 500 square feet, but the inventory can surpass that through online offerings,” notes Umansky. “If you’re interested in cooking at any level, we will have things for you.”

Despite the challenges that retail currently is experiencing, Umansky feels that he and Allie can carve out a niche owing to their expertise and hands-on approach.

“Retail is dead, but customer service isn’t dead. People still want a real-world setting where they can get that customer service.”

Other components might include knife sharpening, cooking workshops, book signings and retail beer and wine sales.

When the shop opens this summer, it might be the beginning of a growing Larder family of shops, adds Jeremy.

“We feel that this is the first phase in us creating a Larder campus in this part of the city,” he adds.

Johnny’s Little Bar in the Warehouse District Launches Saturday Brunch

Apart from the occasional Browns Sunday service, everybody’s favorite downtown watering hole has steered clear of the brunch biz. That all changed last weekend, when Johnny’s Little Bar (614 Frankfort Ave.) opened the doors bright and early on a Saturday morning and welcomed a steady stream of bleary-eyed guests.

Why now?

“We realized there aren’t many Saturday brunch options downtown — especially one that’s reasonably priced, in a cool environment, and with exceptional food,” says management.

On the pub’s brunch bill of fare are hearty platters like the Little Bar Breakfast ($12), which includes two eggs, sausage or bacon, hash browns and toast. Biscuits and sausage gravy ($14) comes with two eggs and potatoes. Of course, the kitchen had to squeeze “Cleveland’s best burger” into a brunch dish. The patty is grilled and paired with a fried egg, bacon, cheese and hash browns.

To drink, there are $10 mimosas and bloodies. Brunch runs from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.

dtrattner@clevescene.com

t

Courtesy of RH Gallery

15711

3.30

3.30

4.2

4.3

4.4

3.16 MIHALI•CAT’S MEOW @ GROG SHOP

CHERRY

4.5 STEVE FORBERT•DAVE RICH

4.5 COASTAL CLUB•JORDAN DEAN

4.6 ADAM PADDOCK•THE MEATBALL MOB

4.7 NEW! SONGSTRESS JO & THE FAMILIAR

4.10 THE THING•THE YELLOW ELEVATORS

4.11 DC THE DON 4.12 IN THE PINES

4.13 NEW! BURNING RIVER + LOCONTI

4.14 THE LOCAL HONEYS 4.16 QWANQWA

4.17 RUEN BROTHERS 4.18 RICH AUCOIN

4.19 NIGHT CLUB•JPEG

4.22 BODEGA

4.23 NEW! THE TILLERS

4.24 DELTA BOMBERS + IV & THE STRANGE BAND

4.25 DANIELLE NICOLE

4.25 ANGELA PERLEY + HANDSOME JACK

4.27 NEW! ERIN VIANCOURT

4.28 MIDNIGHT NORTH 4.30 VISION VIDEO

4.30 RICKSHAW BILLIE’S BURGER PATROL

5.1 THE ARCADIAN WILD

5.2 THE GARCIA PROJECT GARCIA BAND TRIBUTE

5.2 NEW! WALLACE COLEMAN BAND

5.5 TY SEGALL•SHARPIE SMILE

5.6 VARIETOPIA W/ PAUL F. TOMPKINS LATE SHOW

5.7 NEW! BAD BAD HATS 5.8 TWRP

5.9 ILLITERATE LIGHT•SLAG GENIE

5.9 LOS STRAITJACKETS 5.10 EGGY

5.10 R.A.P. FERREIRA•CAVALIER

5.11 NEW! OUR DAY WILL COME 5.12 SATSANG

5.14 THE FURIOUS BONGOS ZAPPA TRIBUTE

5.17 PSYCHEDELIC PORN CRUMPETS LOW TICKETS

MUSIC

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM HER FRIENDS

Some of Cleveland’s best musicians guest on local singersongwriter Rachel Brown’s new album

By Jeff Niesel

LOCAL SINGER-SONGWRITER

Rachel Brown has regularly drawn from the vast pool of musical talent in Northeast Ohio for her previous albums. But on her latest effort, Full Moon Rendezvous, she ups the ante.

In addition to her Beatnik Playboy bandmates (Dave Huddleston, Bill Watson and Roy King), locals Austin Walkin’ Cane, Robert and Jack Kidney (the Numbers Band), Brian Davidson, Emma Shook (Cleveland Orchestra), David J. Young (keyboardist for Michael Stanley and Alex Bevan), Mark Freeman, Al Moss, Caroline King and Paul Kovac all participated in the recording.

“I’ve always had guests on the records, but the songs on this one hit differently in my mind,” says Brown in a recent phone interview. “I would think, ‘This song needs a fiddle and this one needs pedal steel and this one needs a slide guitar. It was so much fun. I got to hang and make music with people I normally don’t get to do that with.”

Two of the album’s songs, “Honky Tonk Moon” and “Favorite Pastime,” date back to 2020. At that time, Brown took a trip to Bristol, VA to record with former Clevelanders Dave Polster and Clint Holley at the Earnest Tube studio. Polster and Holley also did the mastering of the album.

“Down in Bristol, they do the old time-y recording, and I wrote

songs for that type of recording,” Brown says. “I wanted them to sound like country music of the 1960s. The one is very Patsy Clineish and the other one is plain old honky-tonk. That’s why we wanted to record them down there.”

She recorded the rest of the album at SUMA Recording in Painesville, where she has recorded in the past.

“We recorded our other three records there with [the late engineer and producer] Paul Hamann,” Brown says. “When Michael Seifert bought SUMA, I went out there to sing on a track on the last Alex Bevan record. It’s awesome. [Seifert] has done so much work out there. He’s remodeled and updated the studio and kept the historic charm of the place. They did some repairs, and after I did that track, recording there was a nobrainer.”

One album standout, “It’s Been a While,” a track Brown wrote with her husband Mark Freeman,” features the gruff vocals of Robert Kidney, the local singer and poet who’s fronted the Kent-based Kidney Brothers for the past 50 years.

“It wasn’t supposed to be a duet,” Brown says of the song. “But I thought that would be really wild if Bob would be interested. In my mind, I was thinking that I would sing a verse, and he would sing a verse — typical duet situation. But it’s Bob Kidney. He doesn’t do anything normal. He came out and had some ideas. He said, ‘I’m like the ghost.’ That’s how he sang it. He’s this inner voice. That was his whole philosophy behind it. He’s such a cool guy.”

Brown says she wasn’t planning to include a cover song on the album, but at a friend’s suggestion, she started to listen to songs she might add her own spin to. She settled upon “Louisiana Woman Mississippi Man” by Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn. She and local slide guitar player and singer Roger Hoover harmonize well together as they trade verses on the boisterous tune.

“I’m a big fan of traditional old country,” she says. “I thought of duets with Conway [Twitty] and Loretta [Lynn] and George [Jones] and Tammy [Wynette]. I was

listening to a whole bunch of songs before I settled upon ‘Louisiana Woman Mississippi Man.’”

Throughout the album, local hero Al Moss provides some terrific lap steel licks.

“Al is fabulous,” says Brown. “I’ve known him since the early ’90s. He was a guitar player back then. I played with him in Hillbilly Idol. To me, if it’s a country song, it needs pedal steel. When it comes to pedal steel in Northeast Ohio, it’s Al Moss. I was honored to have him on the album.”

Brown says that recreating the songs live is “tricky” since so many musical guests contributed to them. But she says that she and her versatile backing band have found a way to pull it off.

“I wanted a more produced album with all the instruments,” she says. “The songs work well either way, thankfully. They’re different [live], but they still work.”

RACHEL BROWN AND THE BEATNIK PLAYBOYS. | Courtesy of Rachel Brown

LIVEWIRE Real music in the real world

THU 03/14

KMFDM

Touring in support of the new album, Let Go, this veteran industrial rock act performs at 7 tonight at the Agora. The album’s title track features a compelling mix of chugging guitars, gruff vocals and orchestral synths, all the while embracing pop sensibilities. Expect to hear it alongside classic tracks such as “A Drug Against War,” “Godlike,” “Light,” “D.I.Y.” and “Megalomaniac.” Cyanotic opens. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.

FRI 03/15

Lea Marra & the River Boys

The local singer-songwriter celebrates the release of her new album with tonight’s show that takes place at 8 at the Beachland Tavern. Marra, who previously released records with a different backing band dubbed the Dream Catchers, embraces bluegrass and folk music on the new album. Chloe & the Steel Strings and Dave Ziggy open. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

Sleepytime Gorilla Museum

This experimental indie band just returned with Last Human Being, its first new album in 13 years. The songs feature off-kilter time signatures and verge on embracing noise rock while maintaining a slightly more accessible sound. A song like “S.P.Q.R.” careens like Adrian Belew-era King Crimson. The madcap group performs tonight at

8 at the Beachland Ballroom. Lung and Isolation Tank Ensemble open. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

SAT 03/16

Tesla

Named in honor of eccentric inventor Nikola Tesla who pioneered all things electrical, this hard rock group started with a bang. Its 1986 platinum debut album, Mechanical Resonance, included Top 40 hits “Modern Day Cowboy” and “Little Suzi.” The follow-up, The Great Radio Controversy, kept the hits coming with tracks such as “Heaven’s Trail (No Way Out)” and “Love Song.” These tracks will likely make it into the setlist when the ‘80s hard rock group plays MGM Northfield Park — Center Stage tonight at 8.

10705 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330-908-7793, mgmnorthfieldpark. mgmresorts.com/en.html.

The Dollyrots

On Night Owls, the latest effort from snotty punk rockers Dollyrots, retains the brash attitude for which the band is known., Album opener “5+5” provides a perfect distillation of pop-punk and holds up nicely to anything by more popular pop-punk purveyors such as Blink-182. The group plays tonight at 8 at the Beachland Tavern.

15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

TUE 03/19

An Evening with Mike Doughty and Ghost of Vroom

Lea Marra & the River Boys celebrate the release of their new album at the Beachland Tavern. See: Friday, March 15. | Courtesy of Lea Marra & the River Boys

This special shows will feature songs from singer-songwriter Mike Doughty’s entire catalog, including his work with Soul Coughing, the ‘90s group that featured his tongue twisting lyrics set to groovy jazz/funk/rock rhythms. The set will also feature selections from all three Ghost of Vroom albums as well as his solo material. The show begins at 8 p.m. at the Beachland Ballroom.

15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

WED 03/20

Wayne Hancock

Echoing the past while confronting the present, Wayne “The Train” Hancock embodies the classic style of straightshooting songwriting. He plucks out jangling melodies on the guitar while his lyrics cut right to the chase. On tracks like “Lone Road Home,” Hancock ponders existentialism and eternity in the simplest of ways. Cory Grinder and the Playboy Scouts, a local honky-tonk group, opens the show. The concert begins at 8 p.m. at the Beachland Tavern.

15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

THU 03/21

Here Come the Mummies

This mysterious funk group has opened for the likes of P-Funk, Al Green, Mavis Staples, KC and the Sunshine Band,and Cheap Trick. It’s also a festival favorite. The anonymous band members have reportedly won several Grammies with other artists.

The group performs tonight at 6:30 at the Kent Stage.

175 E. Main St., Kent, 330-677-5005, kentstage.org.

SAT 02/23

Black Violin Experience Tour

This group that “reconceptualizes what a violin concert looks and sounds like, building bridges to a place where Mozart, Marvin Gaye and Kendrick Lamar harmoniously coexist. Black Violin invites you to think outside of the box,” as it’s put in a press release, performs tonight at 8 at the State Theatre.

1519 Euclid Avenue, 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.

SUN 03/24

An Evening with Karla Bonoff and Livingston Taylor

The two singer-songwriters whose careers date back to the 1970s come to Kent Stage tonight at 6:30. Bonhoff’s

songs have become hits for Bonnie Raitt, Wynonna Judd and Linda Ronstadt. James Taylor’s brother, Taylor has had Top 40 hits such as “I Will Be in Love with You” and “I’ll Come Running.” For tonight’s show, they’ll perform both solo and together.

175 E. Main St., Kent, 330-677-5005, kentstage.org.

Felicity

After releasing a series of successful singles in 2023, indie rockers Felicity returned earlier this year with the new track “Charlie Sheen.” The quirky emo track features Point North’s Jon Lundin. Expect to hear it tonight when the band plays Mahall’s 20 Lanes in Lakewood.

13200 Madison Ave., Lakewood, 216521-3280, mahalls20lanes.com.

Shovels & Rope

This country duo — Cary Ann Hearst and Michael Trent — delivers what a press release describes as “characterdriven narratives about around imperfect protagonists and their shortcomings.” Released in 2022, Manticore, finds the group in good form as synths and manic vocals drive songs such as “Domino” and softer vocals resonate on the ballad “Crown Victoria.” The group performs tonight at 8 at the Beachland Ballroom. Al Olendar opens.

15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

WED 03/27

Samantha Fish

An internationally acclaimed blues singer, songwriter and lead guitarist who regularly makes Northeast Ohio one of the stops on her many tours, Samantha Fish has released six albums and appeared on many a magazine cover throughout her acclaimed career. A fierce guitarist and singer, Fish comes to the Kent Stage tonight at 6:30. 175 E. Main St., Kent, 330-677-5005, kentstage.org.

Robert Lockwood Jr Blues Birthday Celebration

A fixture on the local blues scene for many years, the late Robert Lockwood Jr was a blues icon with both a local and national following. Tonight at 7:30 at the Beachland Ballroom, local singersongwriter Austin Walkin Cane teams up with Colin Dussault to celebrate what would’ve been Lockwood Jr’s birthday. The concert begins at 7:30. DC Carnes and the DC3 host. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.

SAVAGE LOVE

POWER MOVES

By Dan Savage

I have a history of dating men I’m not attracted to physically or emotionally. I always found it weirdly comforting to know my boyfriend was obsessed with me while I had minimal feelings for him. I have explored this in therapy and chalk it up to lack of self-confidence. But a month ago I started hanging out with this guy and it’s the first relationship I’ve been that isn’t one sided. It’s also the first relationship I’ve been in where the guy wasn’t pushing me to “define the relationship” after a month. This has led to me feeling quite vulnerable and afraid. For the first time in a long time, I’m dating a guy that I not only like but find very attractive and now I’m terrified it will end. This fear has led me to keep my feelings to myself. In previous relationships where I was the one with the upper hand, I found it easier to speak up because I felt in control and didn’t really care if it ended. I am now in a place where I’m afraid to speak for fear of saying the wrong thing. I want to know what his intentions are, but I don’t want to place undue pressure him either. I’m craving more validation than I’m getting from him because I got used to being smothered with validation in all my previous relationships, but I don’t know how to bring this up without making it seem like I am trying to DTR. Any advice?

Naked And Afraid

I wouldn’t chalk up the choices you’ve made in the past — only dating men you weren’t attracted to, only dating men you could take or leave, only dating men you held in what sounds like contempt — to a lack of self-confidence. Frankly, I’m a little mystified that your therapist endorsed that interpretation. You either had one of those therapists who thinks it’s their job to help clients construct self-serving rationalizations for their shitty behavior — explanations that center their client as victims — or you came up with that rationalization on your own and your therapist never got around to challenging you on it.

So, I’m going to challenge you.

I don’t think you have self-confidence issues, NAA, I think you have control issues. You only dated men you didn’t care about you only dated men you weren’t attracted to physically or emotionally — because you wanted to have “the upper hand.” You wanted all the power, all the leverage, and all the control. You not only dated only men you could take or leave, NAA, you seemed to go out of your way to find men who couldn’t leave you. That is not the weak-ass move of a person who lacks self-confidence, NAA, that’s a cold-hearted power play executed by a control freak. I’m glad you got into therapy and it seems to have done you some good you’re currently dating someone you’re

attracted to and for the first time experiencing feelings most human experience when we meet someone we like — and if that shallow pseudo-epiphany you had in therapy (“I lack self-confidence!”) helped you make different and better choices, NAA, then it did you some good. But I think you have more to unpack, perhaps with a different therapist.

Zooming out for a second: Lots of us have been there. We were dating someone we could take or leave and realized that person was falling in love with us. When that happens — when someone we could take or leave is a lot more invested in the relationship and wants to have those DTR convos — we need ends things as quickly and considerately as possible. But if we only date people we could take or leave, one after another, then we’re leading people on and, even worse, we’re stealing from them. We’re stealing time and energy they could’ve invested in finding a person who cared about them and wanted to take them. A good person doesn’t do that sort of shit — not to people they care about, not to people they don’t care about, not to anyone.

Alright, NAA, what’s going to happen this new guy? It’s only been a month, so you don’t know him that well, and most new relationships peter out after a month or two. So, there actually isn’t that much at stake here, at least not yet. Most of what you have is hope: you like this guy and you’re hoping you continue to like him as you get to know him better and you’re hoping he likes you too. But if it doesn’t go anywhere — if you have that DTR convo a month or two from now and you learn he’s not as into you as you are him — you may wind up with a broken heart. But getting your heart broken is proof you have one.

Whatever happens, NAA, don’t return to your old, shitty, and heartless modus operandi. It wasn’t good for the men you dated, and it wasn’t good for you either. Being open to love means being open to pain. You’re open now. Stay open. It’s better this way. You’re better this way.

My boyfriend, who is a 72-year-old man, wants to gift our personal trainer, who is younger and hotter than me, an expensive piece of jewelry. I felt jealous and insecure when he brought this up and I voiced my concerns to her. She told me that she sees the gift as a token of friendship and nothing more and then added that, as her friend, I should want what’s best for her. My boyfriend is a multimillionaire many times over and maybe I don’t understand how rich people give gifts, as I’m not “from” money, but it seems strange. My boyfriend told me to think of it as a bequest — he’s making bequests in his will to fifty or so people after he dies but the thought of him asking for her permission to give this gift to her without first asking me makes me uncomfortable. It makes me wonder how long he was fantasizing about giving her this gift and why exactly he wants to give it to her so badly. I need a second opinion here.

Girlfriendly Instinct Flagging This

This man is not your husband, he’s your boyfriend; his millions are not your millions, they’re his millions. I can certainly

see why thinking about this gift makes you uncomfortable, GIFT, but I don’t see an upside for you in trying to talk your boyfriend out of giving his personal trainer a gift he’s already promised her. The only leverage you have over him is the threat of a breakup, GIFT, but where will issuing that threat get you? Bestcase scenario, your boyfriend rescinds the offer but resents you and your personal trainer, who you consider a friend, feels jerked around by both of you and distances herself; worst-case scenario, you wind up single and written out of the will — assuming you’re among the fortunate fifty or so — and your personal trainer gets that expensive piece of jewelry and possibly more.

If I may, GIFT, I’d like to address the elephant in the room/question/gym: you’re worried your boyfriend is only making this gesture — he’s only giving this woman this extravagant gift — because he wants to fuck her. I can confidently assure you that your boyfriend absolutely, positively, without a doubt wants to fuck his personal trainer. Because no one in the long, sordid history of personal trainers has ever hired a personal trainer they didn’t wanna fuck. But just because someone wants to fuck their personal trainer doesn’t mean they would fuck their personal trainer. Your boyfriend can wanna fuck his personal trainer and give her a gift that essentially says, “I would if I could,” and still wanna honor the monogamous commitment he’s (presumably) made to you. While legitimately concerning, these two things — your boyfriend signaling to someone else that he would fuck them if he could and your boyfriend remaining faithful to you — are not mutually exclusive.

While personal trainers sometimes ingratiate themselves to clients by engaging in a little harmless flirtation, very few personal trainers actually wanna fuck their clients — especially their elderly and/ or monogamously partnered clients — and vastly fewer actually do fuck their clients.

And based on what you shared about that gift-block convo you had with your personal trainer, GIFT, it doesn’t sound she’s interested in your boyfriend sexually, gift or no gift. So, while your boyfriend may get a little thrill out of giving this woman a piece of jewelry, she almost certainly regards this gift a gift that, again, was already promised to her — as a very generous tip from a very welloff client that she doesn’t wanna see naked.

My GF and I are great in the sack together — and the floor, and the stairs, and the lawn, and the tent, and the fireside — and it feels like we’ve been doing this all our lives, since the moment we took our first breath, and by the time we finally drift off we’re tranced out in a post orgasmic love bubble of such cosmic-eternal elasticity it feels as though our connection has no beginning and no end. The other night in the shower she said I have a “Rolls Royce cock.” Can I put that on my anonymous Feeld profile with her permission? I mean, she’s right. It works a treat. But I bit weird bragging about my own dick like this. Partly because for many years I had what we might kindly refer to as a rapid climax problem. Now that I’ve gotten a little older, those days are behind me, and everything is coming together. So, can I put “Rolls Royce Cock” in my Feeld profile? I got as far as typing it in but then I thought, ugh, seems a bit self-involved. What do you think?

Rapturously Received Compliment

There are places a man shouldn’t brag about his cock — on Zoom calls, on international flights, on main — but a man can brag about his cock on his anonymous Feeld profile. Go for it.

Got problems? Yes, you do. Send your question to mailbox@savage.love! Podcasts, columns and more at Savage. Love

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