16 - 29, 2025
FIDELITY HOTEL CHEF DANIEL YOUNG RETURNS TO CLEVELAND AFTER PROFESSIONAL JOURNEYS AND PERSONAL TRAGEDY
BY DOUGLAS TRATTNER
HOME AGAIN
REWIND: 1971
Last week, Ozzy Osbourne played his final ever concert in his hometown of Birmingham, England. In honor, a throwback to the first time the Prince of Darkness appeared on the cover of Scene way back in 1971 with Black Sabbath.
UPFRONT HIS UBIQUITOUS BILLBOARDS HAVE DRAWN BACKLASH. BUT JOHN WILLIAMS SAYS HE’S NOT A PREDATORY INVESTOR
THE BILLBOARDS MAY give Tim Misny a run for his money. And they’re just as egocentric.
On an indeterminate number of them across Cleveland, there’s a middle-aged, balding man in rose-tinted aviators and a Cheshire grin. “Most Trusted Home Buyer in America,” one says. “Your House is Trash? I’ll Pay Cash” reads another.
John Williams has come to town and wants everyone to know he’s looking to buy up some cheap properties. A thousand of them, to be precise, in the next two years, he told Scene.
While observers say he’s nothing more than a predatory real estate vulture whose billboards might be more official and better designed than the fliers stapled to utility poles by similar outfits like Cash 4 Homes, Williams contends he’s here to whip lackluster housing stock into shape, not just flip them for profit.
“Today, I’m leading a mission to improve the entire housing market,” Williams wrote in a press release in 2020 of the business he relocated from Florida to Cleveland, “and helping thousands of tenants in the process.”
His messaging hasn’t quite hit, however.
Last week, after several complaints were made to Lamar Advertising, the company that Williams uses to lease billboard space, a “I Buy Crack Houses! sign near East 79th and Carnegie Ave. in Ward 6 was taken down.
(That’s just four blocks north of a sign, which still up as of Monday, that reads, “Your House Is Trash? I’ll Pay Cash.”)
Council President Blaine Griffin, who filmed a social media video in front of the now empty billboard space while lodging his complaints, wasn’t having it.
Scene he’s trying to carry out. Even if his other business priorities have taken precedence in previous messaging.
may have just gotten torn down.” Online, others aren’t as willing to give Williams the benefit of the doubt.
That messaging has been consistent from Mayor Justin Bibb’s City Hall and Council Chambers as the city has taken a hard stance against investors, especially those with outof-state zip codes.
Last year, Cleveland passed a suite of “Residents First” laws meant to protect renters from negligent landlords. Laws that included requirements for owners to have local agents-in-charge that can be held accountable in court when violations are found and gave the city more power to fine landlords for ignoring long-overdue repairs.
A mission that, on the basis of housing quality and code alone, lines up with what Williams told
“He just seems like a guy who’s moved here from out of town, and is now trying to do what a lot of people have done in the past—predatory real estate,” Griffin told Scene in a phone call. “I think we have to continue to boycott people like this. Let’s put out-of-state investors out of business by not supporting them.”
“We are on a path to become the number one home buyer in all of Cleveland,” Williams said in an Instagram post in January, a billboard reading “I BUY HOME$ CASH” behind him. His goal, he elaborated in another post, is “to capitalize on what I believe will be the biggest real estate cash flow opportunity of the decade.”
Wiliams is new, unknown commodity around town, despite the billboards. And opinions reflect that at this point.
“I mean, who knows? If he’s got good management, it could be a good thing,” David Sharkey, a realtor with Progressive Urban Real Estate, said. “If he’s bad, it could mean bad neighbors.”
“We just don’t know what kind of player he is,” Sharkey added. “He may be investing in something that
“Just another piece of shit that buys homes for cheap and makes them rentals,” one wrote on Reddit.
“A slum lord in the making,” another commented.
In an interview with Scene, Williams framed his decision to set up shop in Northeast Ohio as one that revolves around acquiring dirtcheap houses, mostly those that are vacant or dilapidated, putting five figures into fixing them up, selling them to investors, then renting those homes out to tenants on Section 8 housing vouchers.
Williams denied he was involved in any type of predatory practice but refused to say how many homes he’s acquired or sold since January.
He painted himself, and his smile-laden billboards advertising his service (the number of which he’s currently leasing, he declined
Photo by Mark Oprea
to say), as more of do-good mission in the realm of “affordable housing.”
“Not flipping,” he said. “We don’t flip.”
And he claims he’s not taking over stock that would otherwise go to regular home buyers.
“I mean, what type of first-time buyer is saying, ‘I want to buy a boarded-up house so I can then spend $60,000 to $70,000” to fix it up, Williams told Scene. “Nobody.”
“What they would then do is just simply say, I’d rather just move into a safer neighborhood and buy a house that’s already done.”
But he’s not just after boarded-up housing, of course. His billboards declare he’s after any house, and fast. “Divorced? I Pay Cash,” reads one in Detroit-Shoreway, for example.
Which is exactly the brand of tactics cash-buying real estate investment companies have drawn backlash for -- the ones that offer below-market value, the ones that strip the most economically distressed of money from their biggest investment, the ones who prioritize speed and cold-hard cash over the traditional selling process.
As for the off-color language and bluntness that has garnered widespread criticism -- crack houses, trash houses -- Williams is not concerned.
“I know it kind of hurts feelings to say, ‘Oh, you shouldn’t call it that because it’s a sensitive topic,’” Williams said. “Let’s call a spade a spade: if a house is burnt down, I would call it a burnt down house, right? If a house is dilapidated, I call it a dilapidated house.”
“There are plenty of homes that are for drug use that have been neglected,” he added, “that need to be restored.” – Mark Oprea
‘It’s Superman Summer’: Cleveland Relishes Opening Weekend of the Blockbuster and the City’s Turn in the Spotlight
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Cleveland finally getting recognition for nearly a century of cultural export!
At least that’s how viewers of Superman, the latest cinematic rendition of the world’s most popular superhero, felt this past weekend, when thousands across Northeast Ohio watched the Man of Steel represent his birthplace and show that he can very well fight aliens in it, too.
Filmmaker James Gunn last summer took over several parts of Cleveland’s city center, from Public Square to the Arcade and Progressive Field, to film the movie amid local landmarks.
Months of post-production and $224 million later, Cleveland looked pretty good. And to the collectors and diehards, Cleveland looked really, really damn good.
“I mean, quite literally, we become Metropolis,” Valentino Zullo, a comic book academic and board member of the Siegel & Shuster Society, told Scene in the lobby of the Capitol Theatre on Friday.
“We’re no longer the Mistake on the Lake,” he said. “We’re Metropolis. It’s over now. Truly, we can call ourselves the home of Superman.”
This may be the summer to do that.
Besides an easy-to-miss exhibit on the second floor of the Cleveland Public Library, a commemorative sign at the childhood home of Jerry Siegel on Kimberly Avenue, and a small display at Hopkins Airport, Cleveland has long struggled to design and pay for a fitting homage for the most famous and ubiquitous superhero in the world.
That changed last week, when celebrations of Superman-as-prodigal-son popped up across the city. At Tower City Center, fans posed with red capes in front of green screens and played games at the Super Fun Arcade. At the CPL, they did hero-themed comic workshops or scavenger hunts. They saw Lex Luthor’s Humvee parked at the Cleveland History Center.
And come August 2, they’ll see the long-awaited Superman statue unveiled at the southwest corner of the Huntington Convention Center.
“It’s required quite a bit of money to be raised—we still have money to raise,” Gary Kaplan, president of the Siegel & Shuster Society, the main advocacy backer of the statue, said at a premiere in Gordon Square on Friday.
Kaplan didn’t say how much, as he handed out signed posters or cards advertising the August 2 unveiling and the fundraising left to do. It was, after all, a night for positivity and glass-is-half-full type of thinking.
“Everybody in the world knows who Superman is. It doesn’t matter what country you’re in, what continent you’re in. Everybody knows who Superman is,” Kaplan said. He look around the theater lobby, then said, “And it all started in Cleveland, Ohio, with Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster.”
The movie itself centers on Corenset’s Superman/Clark Kent enmeshed in a world of social media and geopolitical conflict.
Lex Luthor, played by an acerbic Nicholas Hoult, is Metropolis’ Jeff Bezos, if Bezos trafficked in ultra-grade defense tech and portals to other planets. Superman must navigate a war led by the fictional Boravia, while he and his Daily Planet staffers figure what part Luthor plays. Throw in a stolen video message from Superman’s birth parents—either fake news or not— and a social media firestorm ensues. Even Superman, it turns out, isn’t immune to being cancelled.
Especially by right-wing media. As director Gunn pointed out in an interview with The Times, Corenset’s Superman is aware, almost in a metafictional kind of way, of the implication of him falling to earth and, with his base on Antarctica,
being in violation of a plethora of international treaties. Superman’s an immigrant. He’s an immigrant that—gah!—wants to make the world a better place, even if that means roughing up a dictator ready to bomb innocent civilians.
An outsider, as many remind us throughout the movie.
“You are an alien,” Lois Lane tells Superman during a set-up interview in her apartment. “You illegally entered a country and threatened to murder their head of state.”
“Yes, I come from a planet called Krypton,” Superman tells Lane. “They sent me here to serve humanity and help the world become a better place. That message is why I do what I do: I cherish that more than anything.”
At the Capitol Theatre on Friday, where all of its 422 seats were sold out, many in attendance cheered at both Superman’s moral uprightness and Cleveland’s cameos with an equal kind of fervor. It was if, as a monster marched around Public Square or Progressive Field advertised “The Metropolis Meteors,” the city itself took a leading role after decades of being out of commission.
And there the city was. The nighttime skyline from the Flats East Bank. Superman catching a falling building (and saving a woman) on the Veterans Memorial Bridge. Superman and Mister Terrific swapping banter in front of the CPL. Superman and Lane twirling in romantic crescendo in the golden hour light of the Arcade.
“I’m almost teared up when I saw it. It’s beautiful,” a woman in her forties said after the showing, where others lined up to buy Metropolis Iced Teas or nab a poster with the Terminal Tower in the background.
“I mean, they shot scenes where me and my husband go on dates,” she said, “where we watch fireworks, where we’re just walking down the street—I loved it.”
As did Zullo, who seemed after the showing both overjoyed by the film and equally exhausted from the months of preparation.
“It’s the summer of Superman,” Zullo said. “Just a moment for the city to recognize: we bring culture to the world.” – Mark Oprea
Photo by Michael Collier
BUDDING PROBLEMS
High prices and muted marketing stunting Ohio’s cannabis industry, observers say
By Douglas Guth
OHIOANS HAD GREAT expectations for recreational marijuana after voting to legalize personal use of the plant in Nov. 2023. According to data from the Ohio Division of Cannabis Control, total marijuana sales have reached over $2.7 billion as of mid-June. Non-medical cannabis comprises about $587 million of that figure, with Ohio expected to bring on over 114 new dispensaries during 2025.
Meanwhile, a March report from cannabis wholesale platform LeafLink named Ohio as a market poised to contribute more than 75% of cannabis sales growth over the next three years. But observers of Ohio’s fledgling marketplace believe it has a ways to go, especially with Michigan’s well-established scene offering cheaper products and more extensive inventory.
Tim Johnson, a cannabis advocate who advised state legislature on the 2023 marijuana initiative, said Ohio has yet to reach its potential in the adult-use community. Excessive pricing and ineffective marketing have driven customers to buy illegally, cultivate home grows, or head to Michigan, where 45 dispensaries sit right on the border.
“It’s not all the fault of the license holders – it’s got to do with the restrictive rules and regulations of the program,” said Johnson.
One hurdle to Ohio’s expansion appears to have been cleared for the time being. Senate Bill 56, a proposal to significantly alter the Issue 2 adult-use cannabis law, was pulled from the schedule on June 18, just hours before it was set for a vote. House and Senate legislators had been crafting separate versions of the bill before the eleventh-hour decision. A June 24 House judiciary committee hearing concerning an amended version of SB 56 was cancelled as well.
“There’s not enough votes to pass the bill,” said Johnson. “The
will of the people win this one.”
For now, Ohio must find smarter strategies to keep buyers from leav ing the state or turning to the black market, Johnson added. Ohio mar ijuana prices are currently 204% higher than Michigan, which boasts an oversupplied market and no limits on dispensary licenses.
pensaries online, said Zwirner.
Johnson said that Ohio cannabis companies leveraged the excitement of a brand-new industry to get customers to pay higher prices.
“They had the opportunity to escalate prices on all products, and people would pay regardless,” said Johnson. “They didn’t realize that Ohio had cannabis before they came, so people went back to personal cultivation, or went to Michigan or the illegal market.”
Challenges of a new Industry
Ohio’s recreational space has leveled off since those early days. As of June, the price of cannabis flower in Ohio averaged $18.97 for a tenth of an ounce, a 26% drop since adultuse sales kicked off, according to the state’s cannabis control division.
High upfront costs for compliance, security and dispensary construction led to steeper prices during the outset of Ohio’s adult-use market, said Lisa Zwirner, director of education at Cleveland School of Cannabis , an accredited career institution for marijuana employees.
“It was a new market with limited product variety,” said Zwirner. “Most of these companies had to bear the costs (of the build-up), so that was going to get passed down to the consumer.”
Justified or not, skewed pricing continues to send some Ohioans to Michigan, even if it’s impossible to pinpoint how much business has been lost to the state up north. Strategies like better inventory forecasting – meaning fewer expired products to toss – can keep prices down as Ohio gradually brings more dis-
In the meantime, Zwirner wants to see cannabis become more mainstream, despite the current tangle of state advertising regulations. Established rules about promoting medical marijuana apply to the rec market as well, including prohibition of any billboards or signage.
Nor can cannabis entrepreneurs place ads on a radio or television broadcast – any image “bearing a resemblance to a cartoon character, fictional character whose target audience is children, youth or pop culture icon” is strictly prohibited, per language from the Ohio Administrative Code.
These limits have created a promotional gap, leaving many Ohioans with only a basic understanding of what the market offers, Zwirner said.
“There are lots of unclear rules about promotion versus education,” she said. “Is there a way for the industry to showcase itself to make sure people feel like the program is not only regulated well, but is there to serve the public?”
Getting creative
Ohio’s tightly controlled advertising laws have netted their share of casualties. Zwirner cited a cannabis business that paid a hefty fine for having food trucks at a dispensary opening. Though Zwirner understands limiting flashy branding that could appeal to kids, a complete promotional blackout makes little sense, she said.
“How about a campaign through the health department, where they’re coordinating with (the divi-
sion of cannabis control) for public awareness?” Zwirner said. “Don’t hinder us, but lift us up.”
Cannabis companies are required to submit every piece of advertising material to the state for approval, a process that can take up to a month. That waiting period forces businesses to plan marketing months in advance, a challenge when trying to nail down product availability, said Johnson, the Columbus-based cannabis advocate.
“A customer may get emails or social media messages (from a dispensary), but what’s wrong with a short radio or TV blast?” said Johnson. “It can just be for awareness on the education side. There’s an entrapment marketing situation in Ohio, because advertising is in the hands of the regulator instead of the company. The division of alcohol is not doing marketing for Budweiser.”
Until lawmakers loosen the reins, it’s on operators to get creative in how they promote their wares, said Zwirner of the Cleveland School of Cannabis. Education-focused webinars or podcasts are one possible avenue, though innovation can take place at the dispensary as well.
“There’s no product sampling besides smell jars, but you can do sampling of a gummy without the THC infusion,” said Zwirner. “At least you’ll know if you enjoy the taste prior to the high cost of purchase. It’s just a nice way to market the product.”
casing innovative performances, and spotlighting artists from Cleveland, across the country, and around the globe. It takes place from today through Saturday across 16 stages in the Playhouse Square neighborhood. 1501 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, borderlightcle.org.
Kimberly Akimbo
This musical about a 16-year-old who is about to move to a new town with her family features a Tony Award-winning book and lyrics by David Lindsay-Abaire (Shrek), a Tony Award-winning score by Jeanine Tesori (Fun Home), choreography by Danny Mefford (Dear Evan Hansen) and direction by Tony-nominated director Jessica Stone. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7:30 at Connor Palace. Performances continue through Aug. 3. 1615 Euclid Ave., 216-241-6000, playhousesquare.org.
Wade Oval Wednesdays
Featuring an eclectic mix of local bands, the popular concert series returns to Wade Oval. It takes
THU 07/17
Beetlejuice Jr.
The musical featuring music and lyrics by Tony Award nominee Eddie Perfect and a book by Tony Award–nominated Anthony King and Scott Brown, the musical comes to Cain Park in Cleveland Heights. A preview performance takes place at 7 tonight, and performances continue through Sunday. 14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark.com.
FRI 07/18
Cleveland Irish Cultural Festival
This year’s festival headliner is the High Kings, one of the world’s leading Irish folk bands. In addition, Ally the Piper will be back after recently dropping her latest album, The Session. Cherish the Ladies, Scythian, Trasna, the Narrowbacks, The New Barleycorn and Brigid’s Cross will also perform. The festival takes place today through Sunday at the Cuyahoga
Middleburg Heights, 440-243-0090,
Oakland Athletics vs. Guardians
The Guardians take on the lowly Oakland Athletics, one of the worst teams in the American League, in this three-game series that begins with tonight’s game at Progressive Field. First pitch is at 7:10. 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb.com/guardians.
Third Friday
From 5 to 9 p.m., many of the 78th Street Studios resident artist studios and galleries will be open as part of this monthly event. There will be live music, and Local West, a Gordon Square sandwich shop, will serve food. BARneo will have a selection of adult beverages as well. Admission is free.
1300 West 78th St., 78thstreetstudios.com.
SAT 07/19
Beethoven’s Violin Concerto Tonight at 7 at Blossom, violinist Veronika Eberle sits in with the Cleveland Orchestra as it plays Beethoven’s Violin Concerto along with
a piece by R. Schumann. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.
Sensory-Friendly Saturday
Sensory-Friendly Saturday events at the Cleveland Museum of Art offer “adaptations” to meet diverse sensory-processing needs every third Saturday of each month from 9 to 10 a.m. Guests on the autism spectrum, people experiencing dementia and those of all ages who have intellectual or developmental disabilities are invited to participate in a calming museum experience with less stimulation in a section of the museum’s galleries before they open to the public. 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.
SUN 07/20
Taste of Tremont
One of Cleveland’s longest standing neighborhood festivals returns today as Tremont welcomes more than welcome more than 20,000 people to Professor Avenue for the annual Taste of Tremont. Food and beverages will be available for purchase from various vendors. There will be live music throughout the festival, which takes place from noon to 8 p.m. Professor Ave., experiencetremont.com.
MON 07/21
Baltimore Orioles vs. Cleveland Guardians
A playoff team last year, the Baltimore Orioles struggled out of the gate this season and don’t appear to be headed for the post-season. They start a four-game series against the Guards tonight at Progressive Field. First pitch is at 6:40 p.m. 2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb.com/guardians.
TUE 07/22
Food Truck Tuesday
This weekly event that takes place from 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. at Public Square (Rockwell and Ontario) will feature live music and some of the city’s best food trucks. It’s free, but the food will cost you. downtowncleveland.com.
WED 07/23
City Stages: Las Karamba
This group of women musicians from Barcelona mixes rap and urban music with traditional styles. The band performs today at 7:30 at the Transformer Station. The concert is part of the Cleveland Art Museum’s City Stages series. 1460 West 29th St., 216-938-5429, transformerstation.org.
THU 07/24
Annie Jr.
Adapted from the musical about the young orphan who’s had a “hard-knock life,” Annie Jr. comes to Cain Park in Cleveland Heights. Tonight’s performance takes place at 7, and performances continue through Sunday.
14591 Superior Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark.com.
FRI 07/25
Inlet Dance Theatre
The dance troupe founded in 2001 returns to Cain Park in Cleveland Heights to give a special kids matinee performance at 1 p.m. 14591 Superior Rd., Heights, 216-371-3000, cainpark.com.
Rubber City Tattoo Invitational
This family-friendly event at the John S. Knight Center in Akron aims to “celebrate all things tattoos and all things Akron.” Patrons can enter their best tattoo in one of the contests and get new ink too. There will be live music as well. The event runs through Sunday, and this year’s theme is “punk rock.” Check the website for details.
77 E. Mill St., Akron, 330-374-8900, rubbercitytattooinvitational.com.
SAT 07/26
Cleveland Arts Prize Presents: Art on Trial – A CAP Conversation Featuring Dennis Barrie and Barbara Tannenbaum and the Legacy of the Mapplethorpe Trials
The Cleveland Arts Prize (CAP) hosts this CAP Conversation exploring “one of the most pivotal and controversial moments in American art history.” Art on Trial: Dennis Barrie, Barbara Tannenbaum, and the Legacy of the Mapplethorpe Controversy will revisit the 1990 Mapplethorpe obscenity trial. The talk begins at 10 a.m. at the Midtown Collaboration Center. 6539 Euclid Ave., clevelandartsprize.org.
Lords of the Land V: International Hip Hop & Street Dance Festival
This annual event brings together renowned dancers and creators from around the continent with the local Cleveland dance community. It takes place at 3 p.m. in the Grand Foyer at Severance. Euclid Ave., 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.
Peninsula Flea
This upscale flea market features handmade, repurposed and vintage items from dedicated artists, crafts people and collectors. Local musicians are slated to perform and food vendors will be on hand. The event runs from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.
at Hale Farm & Village. Admission is free. 6050 Riverview Rd., Peninsula, explorepeninsula.com.
SUN 07/27
An Evening with Cynthia Erivo
The Oscar-nominated and Grammy, Emmy, and Tony–winning actress and singer who was so terrific in the film adaptation of Wicked joins the Cleveland Orchestra for this special concert featuring hits from some of Erivo’s favorite singers as well as some of her original tunes. The concert begins at 7 at Blossom. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, clevelandorchestra.com.
MON 07/28
Guardians vs. Colorado Rockies
The Guards get a break this week as the Colorado Rockies, the worst team in all of baseball, come to Progressive Field for a three-game series. Tonight’s first pitch is at 6:40.
2401 Ontario St., 216-420-4487, mlb.com/guardians.
TUE 07/29
Piano Cleveland: Kotaro Fukuma
Sound Installation
Today at noon, pianist Kotaro Fukuma creates an immersive sound installation of Japanese piano music in the Cleveland Art Museum’s Ames Family Atrium. The concert celebrates the exhibition Takashi Murakami: Stepping on the Tail of a Rainbow. 11150 East Blvd., 216-421-7350, clevelandart.org.
scene@clevescene.com t @clevelandscene
HOME AGAIN EAT
Fidelity Hotel chef Daniel Young returns to Cleveland after professional journeys and personal tragedy
By Douglas Trattner
LIKE MOST SKILLED
chefs, Daniel Young spent much of his career moving from kitchen to kitchen, city to city, sharpening his skills while gaining exposure to multiple cuisines, systems and mentors. Restaurants provided Young not only with a dependable career path but also a safety net for when things went south – and south they went.
“Every bad thing I’ve been through in my life, the kitchen has been the one thing that I can always rely on – even if it sucks sometimes,” says Young.
Young was called to the kitchen at an early age. As a kid growing up in Kirtland, he took a job as a dishwasher at a tavern within walking distance of home. While still in high school, he landed a job as a line cook at another local tavern, where he quickly outpaced his co-workers and rose to kitchen manager.
Young was taking classes at Lakeland Community College when he had his first existential crisis.
“What am I doing with my life,” he pondered. “I thought, if I’m going to be a chef for the rest of my life, I better start cooking for talented people.”
Young’s first “real” cooking gig was at Flour, where he was exposed to professional chefs who took their jobs seriously. A year or so into that job, the young cook arrived at another crossroads.
“I went on a very Kerouacian road trip around the country for three months trying to decide what I wanted to do,” he explains.
Nearing the end of his northbound trek on the 101 to Seattle, Young started pinging friends and former coworkers back home about possible restaurant positions. By the time he pulled into Cleveland there was a job waiting for him at
Lolita in Tremont.
“At the time, Lolita was the restaurant that, if you wanted to learn how to cook, those were the people you wanted to work for,” he says.
Young was quickly working his way up the ladder until Sunday, January 10, 2016, when a fire decimated the restaurant. The hood-cleaning company failed to replace the spark arrester, a metal screen that prevents burning particles from escaping, and 20 minutes into the chef’s morning prep, fire was licking the ceilings and smoke was pouring out of the vents.
“I don’t throw around the term PTSD too often, but to this day when a fire alarm goes off, I’m shook,” he says.
Young shifted to Lola on East 4th Street before moving down the block to help Michael Symon open Mabel’s BBQ, where the chef discovered a love of live-fire cooking.
“I immediately had an affinity for smoking meats, figuring out how to serve that amount of barbecue to that many people,” he states. “The answer is: the fire never goes out.”
Around that time, Symon and partner Doug Petkovic were preparing to open a second Mabel’s in Las Vegas. As it turns out, Young and his future wife already were getting itchy for their next adventure.
“Emily and I hit a point in our lives where we knew we wanted to get out of Cleveland and do something different, and that’s when Doug asked me to move to Las Ve-
gas,” he says.
As glamorous as “living at The Palms” might sound, the pair quickly began looking ahead. Each drafted a short list of dream cities, and the closest match was Portland, ME. In short order, Emily landed a great job at L.L. Bean and Young snagged the chef de cuisine position at Fore Street, where he worked for James Beard Award-winning chef and farm-to-table pioneer Sam Hayward. That restaurant relies exclusively on food provided by local farmers, fishermen and foragers, the menu starts from scratch every single day, and all food is cooked on a wood-fired grill or in a wood-fired oven.
“That job defined my career in a lot of ways, but that being said, it was the hardest job I ever had,” Young recalls. “After three and half years, my body was destroyed, I was drinking too much, working way too much. I wasn’t the best version of myself anymore.”
Once again, change came calling and the couple, now newlyweds, travelled halfway across the country to colorful Colorado.
“We got deep into mountain climbing while we were in Maine and we wanted to chase bigger peaks, more adventure,” Young explains. “Denver has that perfect mix of hospitality, hotels and nature in your backyard.”
Young didn’t simply change cities, he altered his career path, sidestepping fine-dining restaurants for a boutique hotel – a different side of the hospitality industry. Be-
fore long, Young was overseeing three separate dining venues in the property along with banquet and catering.
While in Colorado, the couple spent much of their free time climbing “13ers,” peaks that top out above 13,000 feet. Last August, Emily went on a weekend climb in the remote Holy Cross Wilderness region near Vail. She missed her nightly check-in.
“She missed a lot of check-ins, so I didn’t panic too much until I didn’t hear from her by the middle of the night,” Young shares.
Vail Search and Rescue found Emily’s body two and a half days later.
“If I didn’t decide to get sober last year, knowing now what was going to happen the following summer – and deciding to stay sober – I would not be sitting here right now,” Young says.
After running away to Mexico “to eat tacos for two months,” Young returned home to Cleveland this past fall, where he accepted the executive chef position at the new Fidelity Hotel downtown.
“The kitchen gives me a sense of peace,” he reflects. “There’s a structure to it. You come in every day, you turn the shit on, you do what you gotta do, you’re forced to communicate with people, and then clean it all up and go home. The next day is the next day.”
dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner
Chef Daniel Young | Photo Courtesy Fidelity Hotel
BITES EAT
Krusinski’s Market in Slavic Village
Preserved by New Owner
By Douglas Trattner
NEIGHBORHOODS LIKE
Slavic Village have experienced so much hardship and divestment in recent years that we almost expect the other shoe to drop. That could have been the fate of Krusinski’s Market (6300 Heisley Ave., 216-441-0100), a 75-year-old family-run business, had Dave Bundus not stepped in.
“I’ve been going to the market since I was a kid,” Bundus says. “I grew up right down the street from Morgana Park and I used to ride my bike there to get candy bars and little drinks.”
Bundus says that he made one of his regular visits to the shop this past winter to stock up on smokies, kielbasa and pierogis when he learned that the shop’s owner, John Krusinski, was planning to retire.
“And I was like, John, I need my pierogis, so you gotta find somebody to buy your business and he’s like, well, it’s been for sale for about a year but we haven’t really had any offers on it,” he states.
After conferring with his wife, Bundus decided to purchase the business, which officially took place earlier this month. After a transition period during which the previous owner will show the new owner the ropes, Krusinki will bow out. But the name and so much more will endure -- including the women who craft the pierogis.
Over the years, the Krusinskis have pared down the product line, eliminating items such as sausages, blintzes, potato pancakes and others. Going forward, it’s all about the pierogis, says Bundus.
“Their claim to fame is their pierogis and that’s why I bought the business,” he says, adding that many people know them by their brand name, Janka, named after John Sr., who started the business with his wife in 1951.
“All of us who grew up in Slavic village know Krusinski’s Mar-
ket, but if you didn’t grow up in the neighborhood you don’t know Kru sinski’s Market, but you do know Janka pierogis,” he explains. That’s the name shoppers at places like Gi ant Eagle see on packaging.
Shoppers at the Slavic Village market will find classic variet ies like potato and cheese, sweetcheese, potato and seasonal fla vors like sauerkraut and apple. Those products are available fresh or frozen.
Like the one he is preserving, Bundus’ is a family-run business.
“My wife is doing the payroll; my father-in-law is helping out with de liveries; my mom’s there every day calling up the different places that we service,” he notes.
In addition to keeping himself flush with pierogis, Bundus says that maintaining a neighborhood staple is even more vital.
“Every time you turn around there’s another business closing,” he laments.
Krusinski’s Market is open 10:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Monday through Saturday.
Kyuu-juu Opens This Week in Ohio City
After a year and a half of popups held around town, Kyuu-juu is ready to take flight in its permanent home. The restaurant occupies the main floor and outdoor spaces of a lovely two-story Victorian in Ohio City that neighbors the Tinnerman Lofts. The upper level of the building is home to the high-end, eight-seat omakase restaurant Sushi Kuwahata.
When it opens on July 18, Kyuujuu will build upon the success it established at all those pop-ups while expanding the scope and reach of the food and beverage. Partners Ryan Endrian and Chef Kwan –along with executive chef Dereck White – have crafted a wide-ranging menu of contemporary Japanese dishes starring vegetables, rice, fish, chicken and beef. All of the food is artfully presented on ceramic tableware.
The food is described as “chopstick-friendly” small and shared plates and the idea is to eat, drink and order freely.
“If you liked your first wave of food, your first wave of drinks, just keep them coming,” says White.
One side of the menu is devoted to otsumami (small plates starring fish) and a dozen or so varieties of sashimi. The other side lists a selection of cold vegetable-based plates
yuzu-ginger vinaigrette, shishito peppers with ponzu and katsuobushi and summery dashi tomatoes. Hot plates range from grilled broccolini with onion vinaigrette on up to an imported wagyu steak tasting. Other items include eggplant with miso butter, flash-fried octopus with dill and grilled beef cheek with chili oil. Clay pot rice dishes come with a choice of mushroom, eel or chicken. There are yakitori skewers threaded with breast, tenderloin and thigh meat. And a selection of highly prized Japanese wagyu beef that is grilled, sliced and served on hot clay plates with sides of shoyu butter and chili crisp. Diners can look forward to nightly features as well.
Endrian and Kwan have curated an exceptional selection of sakes from various prefectures that span the flavor and sweetness profiles. Those pours are joined by wines by the glass, cocktails – including batched highballs – and some of the best Asian lager you’ll find in the region. Kyuu-juu’s special dispensing system produces super-chilled, properly carbonated glasses of Kirin and Sapporo that are served with proper heads in frosted mugs.
When it opens later this month, Kyuu-juu will be dinner only Tuesdays through Saturdays.
Hereafter Cocktail Bar and Restaurant Coming to Ohio City
Gabriela Holzer, a StarChefs “Rising Star Bartender” and lead bartender at Thyme Table in Bay Village, is striking out on her own. She has signed a deal to take possession of the property at 4732
Photo
will open an intimate cocktail bar and restaurant this coming winter.
“Hereafter has been a yearslong anticipated concept for Gabriela that has finally found a home alongside the wonderful array of independently-owned businesses on Lorain Avenue in Ohio City,” say reps.
Since moving to Cleveland in 2017, Holzer has worked Porco Lounge, Cloak & Dagger and Thyme Table, where she has helped run the cocktail program for more than four years.
“Gaby uses her experiences in art, travel and culture to create and tell stories through food and drink that have weight and intention,” says Thyme Table Partner Eric Scott. “Hereafter will be an experience, a place that requires attention, and focuses on fine details. We’re in for a world class establishment, right here in Cleveland.”
In addition to the cocktails, Hereafter will serve a full food menu that focuses on small plates. An as-yetunnamed chef will be stepping into the role. When complete, the lounge will seat 32 guests in a thoughtfully crafted interior that leans into Holzer’s fine art education.
“We are designing a minimalist space that removes distracting visual noise and allows our guests to feel calmness, and therefore be more present with the cocktails, food, and company they are there to enjoy. Every detail at Hereafter is meant to elevate the guest experience, while still maintaining a feeling of warmth and home.”
dtrattner@clevescene.com t@dougtrattner
Courtesy
MUSIC Glory Days
Local rockers Bittersweet Revenge complete conceptual four-EP series about past lives
By Jeff Niesel
THE LOCAL HARD ROCK
act Bittersweet Revenge began back in 2016 when drummer Dennis Smith and Marc Kourcklas, the group’s original drummer and original frontman, respectively, began working together. The band’s first LP followed in 2017. Local producer and musician Don DeBiase (Mushroomhead and Black Veil Brides) helped the guys record their debut, which bassist Angel Vazquez describes as “thrashy punk.”
After the death of Kourcklas, who died in a motorcycle accident, the band retooled its lineup for its second album, Break ‘Em.
“Our second album was more robust on the rock ‘n’ roll and saturated with guitar solos,” says Vazquez in a recent conference call with guitarist Tommy Farkas. “We found a singer who has a lighter approach with his vocals, but he can also do the screaming and gained [guitarist] Tommy [Farkas] as well, who was Marc’s best friend. Now, we’re ten years older, and we write more complex, more methodical compositions at this point. It’s really cool. We have a different sound, though it’s still rock. It slows down and creates more anticipation.”
The new lineup has been focused on a four EP series. It delivered the first EP, A Love Once Lost, in 2021. Forgotten Tales and Turmoil followed. Heartache, the final EP in the series, comes out next month. Each EP has five tracks.
“We initially thought we would release all four of them within a year,” says Vazquez. “We were writing our butts off. By the time we had five songs well-rehearsed and into the studio and recorded, a year had
passed. It was a year-after-year process. We would write the five best songs and detail them out the best they could and then put them on the record. We wanted more material, but you can’t rush art.”
The group came up with the concept of the framework and sketched out the way that the EPs would follow one another.
“One EP would sound heavier, and one would sound lighter,” says Farkas. “We wanted the music to fit with the artwork. We didn’t know what songs would fill those slots. We knew we wanted four EPs, and we just went to the drawing board.”
The combined title of all the EPs suggest the concept.
“It’s Forgotten Tales of Heartache and Turmoil and Loved Ones Lost,” says Vazquez. “It’s a big umbrella-type of concept. You think about the times of the past and the glory days and the people you used to know and how life has carried you to a new place of nostalgia. You can just look back at the things you’ve learned and the people you connected with it.”
Local tattoo artist Damian James provided the graphics for the releases and for the associated merch.
“He’s a phenomenal artist,” says Farkas. “We sent him a list of words and things that interested us. We put down that [drummer] DJ [Smith]
likes to play chess, so there is a big chess piece in the middle when you put all four of the quadrants together. We like girls, so there are females are on there. He ran with it from there. We didn’t give him too much direction, and he did a phenomenal job.
Drug lord Pablo Escobar’s infamous ultimatum, “plata o’ plomo,” inspired the new EP’s first single, the grunge-y “Silver or Lead.”
“I was watching the Netflix show Narcos and that scene with Pablo Escobar came up where he says ‘silver or lead,’” says Farkas. “[Singer] Mikey [Patton] and Dennis [Smith] were in the control room. They just ran with it. It was a seed that was planted. Mikey wrote some cool lyrics around it.”
One highlight in the band’s career came two summers ago when the group performed at Inkcarceration, the annual metal festival held at the Ohio State Reformatory in Mansfield. The band will perform at the festival again this year when it returns to the historic location.
“The sound on that stage is amazing,” says Farkas when asked about the experience. “They had it set up really well. We were playing in the shadow of Shawshank Prison, and the whole vibe of it was pretty spectacular. We played with [the hard rock act] Highly Suspect,
and Megadeth played that weekend too. To have your name on that bill is pretty damn cool. Each year is stylistically a little different. We fit the bill this year, and we’re super pumped about this.”
In addition, the group won the Cleveland Music Awards a second time this past year, and the band also just finished three songs that didn’t make the EPs. Those will be released before the year’s end.
“Right when we got done with the fourth EP, we just kept writing and recorded three new songs locally at Mercinary Studios with our friend Noah [Buchanon],” says Farkas. “We just laid down the vocals last night, and the songs sound phenomenal.”
Last year, the group played an acoustic show at Brothers Lounge, and it’ll continue the tradition this year and perform on Aug. 29 at the club.
“We play unplugged versions of the songs and give them a different spin,” says Farkas. “It’s a really great show.”
Bittersweet Revenge at Inkcarceration in 2023 Courtesy of Bittersweet Revenge
Real music in the real world
THU 07/17
GHOST: Skeletour World Tour 2025
Last year, the mysterious masked metal band released the feature film Rite Here Rite Now and solidified its position as an arena rock sensation. On tour in support of its latest release, Skeleta, the Swedish group performs tonight at 8 at Rocket Arena. One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketarena.com.
FRI 07/18
Inkcarceration
Inkcarceration, the annual music and tattoo festival that takes place at the Ohio State Reformatory in Mansfield, returns this weekend. The event, which takes place today through Sunday, will feature a slew of hard rock bands and more than 115 tattoo artists and haunted attractions. Acts such as Falling in Reverse, Knocked Loose, Beartooth, Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, Slaughter To Prevail and Five Finger Death Punch are slated to perform. 100 Reformatory Rd., Mansfield, inkcarceration.com.
The Saw Doctors
On tour in support of last year’s Wha’D’Ya Think a That, the Irish rock band performs at 7 tonight at the Agora. The title track that kicks off the EP has a rockabilly vibe with its twangy guitars and heavy drums. Expect the live show to be equally engaging. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.
SAT 07/19
Cimafunk
The Cuban star will perform with La Tribu (The Tribe), his nine-piece band from Havana. He just released hist latest effort, Pa’ Tu Cuerpa, last year, and it features exuberant funk/soul numbers such as “Cuchi Cuchi.” The concert begins at 8 p.m. at the Rock Hall. 1100 Rock and Roll Blvd., 216-515-8444, rockhall.com.
Into the Blue
The Grateful Dead’s tenure spans 30 years, and much of that time is divided into various “eras” (different musicians, different modalities, etc.). This local tribute act can play music from all eras. It performs tonight at 8 at the Beachland Ballroom.
15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.
Todd Rundgren
Just about the only consistency across Todd Rundgren’s 40-year career has been his infamous and infinite level of ambition. In the early ’70s, he followed up the AM-radio charm of “Hello, It’s Me” and “We Gotta Get You a Woman” with the massive production experiment, A Wizard, a True Star. He performs tonight at the Agora Theatre. Doors open at 6:30. 5000 Euclid Ave., 216-881-2221, agoracleveland.com.
MON 07/21
Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox Magic and Moonlight Tour
A self-described “throwback carnival” that has toured the world on the popularity of its music videos that have given the band huge followings on YouTube and Facebook, Postmodern Jukebox demonstrates its appeal on the live album, The New Classics. The set list changes from night to night, but expect the large ensemble to take on a number of its most famous covers for tonight’s show. The show starts at 7:30 p.m. at the Goodyear Theater in Akron. 1201 East Market St., Akron, 330-659-7118, goodyeartheater.com.
TUE 07/22
Michael Franti & Spearhead
The dynamic singer and rapper brings his band Spearhead to Jacobs Pavilion. Franti’s high energy shows thrive on good vibes and draw from hip-hop, rock and soul. Ticket sales automatically support Do It for the Love, a wish-granting nonprofit created by Franti and wife. It sends people with life threatening illness, wounded veterans or individuals with special needs to concerts worldwide. The show starts at 7 p.m. 2014 Sycamore St., 216-861-4080, jacobspavilion.com.
WED 07/23
Pantera
The heavy metal band led by gruffvoiced singer Phil Anselmo returns to Blossom. Ansemlo and Co. will pay tribute to two founding members who’ve died, drummer Vinnie Paul and guitarist Dimebag Darrell, with a set that will showcase its decades-long career. The show
begins at 7 p.m., and the metal act Amon Amarth opens. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.
FRI 07/25
The Decemberists
The indie rock band performs tonight at 8 at TempleLive at the Cleveland Masonic. The band’s ninth studio album, As It Ever Was, So It Will Be Again, again draws inspiration from the Smiths. It features guest appearances from James Mercer and R.E.M.’s Mike Mills.
3615 Euclid Ave., 216-881-6350, masoniccleveland.com.
Gin Blossoms
The ‘90s group performs tonight at 8 at MGM Northfield Park -- Center Stage. Penned by the late Doug Hopkins, “Hey Jealousy,” the big hit from their 1992 album, New Miserable Experience, established them as jangle pop practitioners. 10705 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330-908-7793, mgmnorthfieldpark. mgmresorts.com/en.html.
SAT 07/26
Cash Money Millionaires 30th Anniversary with the LOX & State Property
The hip-hop label celebrates its 30th anniversary with this concert that comes to Rocket Arena tonight at 8. The Cash Money collective still features original members Birdman, Juvenile, Mannie Fresh, B.G. and Turk. The Lox, Beanie Sigel, Freeway and Young Gunz will also perform.
One Center Court, 216-420-2000, rocketarena.com.
New Bomb Turks
The Columbus, OH-based punk band that formed in 1990 returns to Beachland Ballroom. Band leader Eric Davidson is not only a terrific frontman, but he also knows his punk rock history and has written the book We Never Learn: The Gunk Punk Undergut, 1988-2001. The show begins at 8 p.m. 15711 Waterloo Rd., 216-383-1124, beachlandballroom.com.
Rick Wakeman Featuring Hayley Sanderson from the UK’s Strictly Come Dancing
The former Yes keyboardist comes to MGM Northfield Park -- Center Stage with singer Haley Sanderson. The concert begins at 8 p.m. A London session musician in the late 1960s, Wakeman also has had a
successful solo career and will play songs from both his days with Yes and his solo albums. 10705 Northfield Rd., Northfield, 330-908-7793, mgmnorthfieldpark. mgmresorts.com/en.html.
MON 07/28
Kesha and Scissor Sisters: The Tits Out Tour
Kesha and the Scissor Sisters bring their cheekily named summer tour to Blossom. Kesha has just released her latest album, .(PERIOD), another collection of jittery synth-pop tunes. The single “Boy Crazy” finds her proclaiming “I’m so boy crazy” over Pet Shop Boys-like synths. The concert begins at 7 p.m. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.
TUE 07/29
Big Time Rush: In Real Life Worldwide
This group became an overnight sensation in November 2009 when the scripted TV show of the same name launched on Nickelodeon. The show focused on the Hollywood adventures of four hockey players from Minnesota after they were selected to form a boy band. Like the Monkees, Big Time Rush would take the TV band into the studio and onto the road. The pop group performs tonight at 7 at Blossom. 1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216-231-1111, livenation.com.
Kesha comes to Blossom | See: Monday, July 28
Photo by Brendan Walter
SAVAGE LOVE
FEAR OF FAIRING
by Dan Savage
I’M A 44-YEAR-OLD WOMAN with a history of childhood sexual trauma. I enjoy sex if I’m with a partner I feel very connected to emotionally, but I’ve never had an orgasm. Because of this, I tend to rely on pleasing my partner during sex rather than my arousal. It works OK for me at this point while I try to heal, which is taking forever. (I am in therapy.) I’ve been married for about 12 years. My husband has a high sex drive and has had a hard time with the ways trauma can lower my interest in sex. He has worked hard to try and find ways we can be intimate that don’t involve penetrative sex (including his wearing a cage as a turn-on for him, sharing fantasies, etc.), but his needs have not been met recently, as the trauma symptoms have been on top of me. Recently, we had a major misunderstanding. I thought I was giving him the green light to go to strip clubs/burlesque shows to get his sexual needs met. He thought I was giving him the green light to have an open relationship. We had a huge struggle about this. For now, he has decided to accept my decision that I cannot remain in the marriage if he wants to sleep with other people. It does not feel emotionally safe to me to open the marriage to others. However, I can see that he was much happier when he thought he had the option to pursue others.
What does any of this mean? Is monogamy ethically wrong if one partner would prefer a different arrangement? He is right that I am setting the terms of the relationship, and he has to comply to stay with me, which feels unilateral to him. How do we navigate this in a way that is fair to both partners?
Very Confused Recluse
If your husband walked away from that conversation thinking he had permission to fuck other people — and you walked away thinking you’d only given him the green light to go to strip clubs or burlesque shows — then that conversation wasn’t explicit enough. I suspect you both had your reasons for keeping things vague: your husband may have avoided pushing for clar-
ity because he didn’t want to hear “no,” and you may have hesitated to be clear because you’re not comfortable unilaterally setting the terms… even though that’s what you’re doing, VCR, and need to do for your mental health.
Ultimately, your question — whether monogamy is ethically wrong if one partner wants something else — isn’t one many people even bother to ask. Monogamy is presumed to be the morally superior choice, even in cases where one person is imposing it on the other. We talk a lot about “ethical non-monogamy,” but monogamy is presumed to be ethical. But there are lots of people who are monogamous not because it’s what they want, VCR, but because their partner requires or demands it. If monogamy is the price of admission your husband is willing to pay to be with you — if being MUD (monogamous under duress) is worth it — you should take his “yes” for an answer and let him pay that price. But you can’t ask him to pretend it doesn’t cost him anything.
If the three of us were, say, having drinks in a strip club, I’d want to ask your husband whether his sexual needs can be met with lap dances. And I would ask if you weren’t also a little happier during that brief window when he was a little happier… back when believed he believed he had permission to fuck other people. I understand why the idea of your husband having sex with other women makes you feel threatened (what if he caught feelings for someone else?) and insecure (am I broken?), but knowing your husband is feeling resentful and sexually unfulfilled creates its own kind of emotional pressure. You’re doing the work, you’re in therapy, you’re working toward healing — to your credit — and you’re entitled to your boundaries. But the longer your current sexual drought lasts, the more pressure you’re both going to find yourselves under.
Again, for now, I think you should take your husband’s “yes” for an answer. But you have to own that this is something he’s doing— or not doing—for you, VCR, because he wants to prioritize your mental health and your marriage. The least you can do is not ask him to pretend it’s fair. It’s not, and it doesn’t have to be, and very few things in life are.
P.S. You wrote, “I can’t remain in the marriage if he wants to sleep with other people.” People in monogamous relationships are attracted to other people all the time — they still wanna, but they’ve promised their partners that they won’t.
I’M A 26-YEAR-OLD straight man. I’ve been in a relationship for about four months with a 27-year-old non-binary bisexual who was assigned female at birth and whose pronouns are she/they. We knew each other for a while before dating, but I wasn’t entirely aware of her gender identity until we got together. As I have gotten to know her better, I find myself uncomfortable every time she brings up her non-binary identity and how she doesn’t identify with femaleness/womanhood. This is obviously a deeply rooted queerphobic and bigoted reaction on my part. I am absolutely infatuated with her in every way, both physically and personally, but I can’t seem to get over this, and I find myself pulling back both emotionally and sexually in these moments.
With every other issue we’ve had (not many), we’ve been more than comfortable talking it out with each other and coming to a mutual understanding. We generally have a wonderfully open and communicative relationship. The only reason I haven’t brought this up with her is because this is entirely my problem, and I don’t think it would be fair for me to say, “I want you to avoid discussing a central part of your identity around me for the sake of my own comfort and attraction to you,” nor would that statement lead to a productive conversation. Any advice on how I can talk to her about this? Or whether I should?
Cissexism Is Seriously Bumming Out Boyfriend
One secret to long-term relationship success: When your partner starts talking about something that’s meaningful to them but incomprehensible to you — or something you find deeply silly or mildly annoying — you let ’em talk. You nod. You make listening faces. You say, “Huh,” “Interesting,” “Didn’t know that,” etc., but you never say, “Tell me more.” Then you seize the second or third opportunity to change the subject — never the first (don’t want to give away the game) — in the hopes of moving on to a different topic. Letting your partner’s (tolerable) bullshit go in one ear and out the other is an act of love. It’s also how couples survive astrology. And crypto. And Burning Man.
As for your particular situation: We’re talking about her/their gender identity, CISBOB, which is obviously more important than her/their star sign. (This response is about to get mildly annoying. Readers who
aren’t CISBOB are invited to let the rest of this response flow in one eye and out the other.) So, your partner doesn’t identify with femaleness or womanhood. That’s great! But you can’t control how your dick identifies her/them, CISBOB, and your dick identifies her/them as a female and a woman. The disconnect between how she/they sees herself/ themself and how you instinctively perceive her/them most likely makes you — her earnest, conscientious wannabe ally boyfriend — feel like you’re betraying her/them somehow. But you’re not. You couldn’t be with her/them if your reptile brain didn’t read her/them as a woman, CISBOB, and that’s not a betrayal.
Basically, CISBOB, while you can wrap your head around your partner’s gender identity, you’re never gonna be able to fully wrap your dick around it. That’s not queerphobic, that’s not cissexist, that’s just how you’re wired. And your partner needs to own some of the tension, too. If she/they finds it intolerable to be with someone who perceives her/ them as a woman and a female — and she/they might not find it intolerable (she/they might be fine with it) — then she/they shouldn’t be dating straight cis guys. Or lesbian cis women. Or bisexuals. Or anyone, really. Because pretty much everyone who wants to fuck her/them is going to be drawn to her/them — in hole or in part — because she/they was assigned female at birth, not despite it. And if she/they can’t tolerate being desired for everything she/they is in addition to being non-binary… then she/they should be dating a toaster with a dildo duct-taped to it, CISBOYB, not a real human boy.
P.S. Again, there’s no evidence in your letter that you’re queerphobic or bigoted. You’re just a little confused by your partner. Literally everyone who has or has ever had a partner can relate to that.
Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage.love! Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage. love/askdan!
Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love
mail@savagelove.net t@fakedansavage www.savagelovecast.com
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