On Sunday, March 20th, 2022 at 5:23 PM, Eric Smith <eric.bonetti@icloud.com> wrote: Dear Bishops, As we move through Lent and towards the resurrection time of Easter, I am writing to ask for your help. My hope is that at least some among you will have the courage to come forward and insist that the church “respect the dignity of every human being.” In short, I have a Title IV case that has gone horribly wrong, and even writing to ++Curry has made no difference. Thus, this email. Background In 2015, I filed a good-faith Title IV complaint against The Rev. Bob Malm, then rector of my parish, Grace Episcopal in Alexandria. Specifically, I asked the diocese to help mediate my concerns about bullying, questionable HR and financial practices, and allegations of harassment among diocesan staff. The diocese denied my request and refused the pastoral response mandated by Title IV. This, despite the fact I specifically requested it. Since then, Malm retaliated by contacting the police, falsely claiming that a blog, written by my late mother, was somehow threatening to him. No rational actor would concur. He’s also repeatedly told others that I am mentally ill, and suggested as a result I am dangerous. This is both a fabrication and profoundly offensive, including to those among us who do suffer from mental illness. So why do people believe Malm? They do so for three reasons: 1)
Malm has repeatedly traded on his role as rector.
2)
Malm has deployed excess charm to convince people otherwise.
3)
Malm is a master at gaslighting and narcissistic games.
Malm’s Perjury Most recently, the matter has lurched into court. There, Malm has repeatedly committed perjury: 1) Stating under oath that my mother or someone purporting to be her contacted him repeatedly to set up appointments, only to cancel. 2) In a later court proceeding, he claimed he “didn’t recall speaking to her,” thus leaving open the possibility that Mom emailed him, etc.
3) In a still later legal proceeding, Malm told a Massachusetts judge under oath that he didn’t commit perjury, that the claim was something his attorney did, and he didn’t even know Mom’s name. The latter is facially perjurious, as Mom filed a Title IV complaint against Malm on or about 2015. A copy of her emailed response, along with Malm’s perjurious statements, is attached in PDF. Moreover, Malm attempted to drag my Mom, dying of COPD, into court, even though she was in the final stages of her illness, incontinent, unable to walk more than a few steps, and suffering from a debilitating anxiety disorder related to her imminent death. A photo of Mom, taken at that time, is attached. TEC Response Through it all, the Episcopal diocese of Virginia has repeatedly refused to follow Title IV, which provides that an intake officer is to do two things: 1)
Assume the matter complained of to be true.
2)
Assess whether, if true, the matter would constitute an offense under Title IV.
Moreover, Title IV requires a pastoral response any time a complaint is made, even if it is dismissed. Recently, an issue arose in Massachusetts, where Alan Gates similarly brushed off the matter. And true to form, he ignored the requirement of a pastoral response. I also have contacted Todd Ousely, who insists that the issue is a diocesan matter. He further instructed me not to contact him again, which is why he is not included in this mailing. To make matters worse, the one effort the diocese of Virginia made to resolve the matter fell flat when some secondary areas of conflict arose. Then canon-to-the-ordinary Pat Wingo, copied here, had assured me that with ++Johnston on sabbatical, +Goff would be available in case we needed assistance. +Goff reneged on this commitment and refused to get involved. The bottom line is this: 1)
Abuse need not only be sexual to be actionable under Title IV.
2)
Malm’s perjury is illegal, full stop.
3)
Malm’s behavior and that of the diocese caused my mother profound distress prior to her death.
4)
Malm and the church refused my offer to mediate our dispute.
5) While DioVA claims it cannot get involved in litigation, that is pretty rich, as it was quick to invoke Title IV in the property recovery litigation. 6)
Malm’s perjury and the diocese’s misconduct have cost me tens of thousands of dollars.
7)
My entire family has left organized religion.
Moreover, hundreds of thousands of people — more than a half million — have seen my petition on change.org. And it’s been covered on a variety of blogs, including the Wartburg Watch. http://thewartburgwatch.com/2020/10/16/when-christians-lie-eric-bonetti-accused-of-embezzlementand-of-being-a-pathological-liar-by-his-former-church-and-pastor/ http://thewartburgwatch.com/2018/11/13/update-grace-episcopal-church-in-alexandria-virginia-calledformer-member-eric-bonetti-a-domestic-terroristand-got-a-protective-order/ It seems fair to add that the ongoing litigation is destroying the church, with Grace Episcopal Alexandria teetering on the brink of implosion. Given the many ins-and-outs of this sordid tale, you can visit my blog if you have questions. It’s located at www.gracealexwatch.org. What I Ask I do not expect people to take my complaint at face value. What I would like instead is for the church to take my complaint seriously, to undertake an independent investigation, and to respond accordingly. In short, I would like to see the church follow Title IV. Obviously, it is too late to do anything about my Mom’s suffering. And I can’t see that the reputational damage to all sides is repairable at this point. But I do think much can be done to improve the situation. Thus, I am asking you, the bishops of The Episcopal Church, to have the integrity to fix this situation. Surely, the church is doomed if it can choose to ignore clergy misconduct at random. And I surely hope that the church’s position, which is that the matter will be resolved in the courts, is not the standard it applies to sexual misconduct. It should not take litigation to obtain Christlike behavior from Episcopal clergy. Regards,
Eric Bonetti Fairfax VA