Letter From Simmons to Wife

From: To: Subject: Date:

Tom Simmons looking ahead Tuesday, October 26, 2021 6:33:17 PM

I'm really enjoying becoming your friend and discovering so many ways we're on the same wavelength, and well-aligned in our experiences and values, character and personality. The more I learn about you, the broader and deeper our compatibility seems to be. We've got great rapport and easy chemistry and powerful attraction.

Green light all the way.

That makes Mr. Enthusiasm over here very excited, of which the Romance profile for Entrepreneur speaks eloquently. What a thrill to make-out with you in the rain last night! I can't believe I get to kiss a girl again!!!!! Thank you for your caring and energetic embrace. Looking forward to the next time.

But I also see some yellow lights.

And here's where the Entrepreneur profile is a bit off in describing me. As much as I'd love to stay in this moment, my J needs to focus on the future and the steps ahead of us. That's because I think I could fall for you, D. I could see you becoming a best friend and lover which…would mean a marriage.

A lot to learn about each other but seems like we could definitely move in that direction.

And if we are going to consider that a possibility, we need to start figuring some things out.

Though so much aligns between us, our circumstances DON'T! It's a tricky path forward with very high stakes for both of us.

We face some challenges moving forward and I'd love to hear what you see. Here's what I see.

Baggage.

We are both dealing with the baggage of traumatic marriages and need to hold each other's hearts with great caution and care for healing Make space for that. Expect there to be challenges and to not take it personally. …and I feel especially that for you because you are much earlier in the process.

On the rebound, it would be very easy for us to be unhealthy in our embrace.

Kids.

You are caring for young children and it seems like opportunities abound for a romance to disrupt that work. I feel great caution about pulling you away from Mom stuff.

Her yellow light is will I have time for her in my profession.

At the same time, a future together would mean wading into child-rearing again.

I wouldn't have reached out to you on Match if I weren't open to that possibility. It was very clear that it's you+3.

I feel like my role as dad was cut short so I think I've got a bunch more "Dad" in me. And after my agonizing estrangement from my children, I joked with a good friend about the appeal of getting some "replacement children."

But becoming stepdad and helping raise your kids would be a calling from God, that would call for some serious discernment. I'm not sure how to do that!

We are married.

I had "planned" to just develop "flirty fun friendships with great women" while my divorce process plods along. My trial is March 30…5 months away. Hopefully it won't drag on beyond that. By canon, I can't marry until a year after divorce is finalized.

You are living with your husband and are very early in your year-long separation before you become eligible to divorce. I'd like to learn more about where you and Tom are in the "process."

I am a leader in Christian community responsible for modelling what I teach.

In cases where I've had to deal pastorally with spouses contemplating divorce I've advised them that if they are planning to leave their marriage and fall into the arms of a special someone immediately after…that they are in the adultery danger zone.

Never thought I'd be THAT GUY! Not quite sure what to do about it.

"I won't let you feel uncomfortable about that. I feel very strongly about that."

I can't have a secret, illicit life "on the side." I tried that when I went back to smoking pot for a year-ish. I don't want to lead a double life. And after what you've been through, with Tom, I'd like to be a man in whom you can securely entrust your heart, and your daughters and your future.

"How about we have chaperones?" First idea on the white board!

Brainstorm to be continued...