Rupture And Repair

from May 2021

Life Is Like A Jigsaw Puzzle

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Rupture And Repair

by Heather Medley, LPC

“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18).

Within the constructs of psychotherapy, there is a simple yet profound idea called “rupture and repair.” The term “rupture” describes when a person experiences a loss of trust or connection with another. The term “repair” describes the work two people need to do to regain trust and connection. The dance of rupture and repair is a determining factor in the survival of a relationship.

Most of us experience small ruptures off and on throughout each day. We yell at our child for being too slow putting on their shoes, a friend doesn’t respond well to a text, or our partner sarcastically says something about us with passive aggression. All of these are tiny ruptures, but there are big ruptures as well. A spouse has an affair, friends gossip about you to another friend, or a colleague calls you stupid.

Ruptures are unavoidable and can be harmful if left without care, but the ability to repair is the sign of emotional maturity and the mark of thriving relationships. Repair is the work that the two people involved in the rupture do to reconcile and restore trust and connection. Repairing a relationship usually involves three things: the ability to identify there has been a rupture, the courage to move toward one another, and the humility to offer an apology or forgiveness.

If a person can identify that there has been a break in connection, invite a conversation to reconcile, and offer either a sincere apology or forgiveness, repair is well on its way. Although this concept is popular in modern psychology, it did not begin there. “Rupture and repair” is the underlying theme in all of Scripture. Beginning in Genesis, there was a rupture in the relationship between Adam and Eve and God in the garden of Eden, and Jesus completed the work to restore the connection. Matthew 5:23-24 gives instructions to repair a relationship with your friend before offering anything at the altar, and Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:18 says, “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” I am thankful for a God who gives us a model of repair and the hope that repair gives to all relationships.

About The Author Heather Medley is a licensed professional counselor, speaker, and published author. She loves neuroscience research papers, bargain shopping, and laughter. She resides in Rome with her delightful kiddos and steady husband.