U S I N G E M PAT H Y TO H E L P P E O P L E
11
VALIDATE
APPRECIATE
REFER
Let them know that what they’re feeling is OK. Validation sounds like:
Show appreciation for their courage. Speaking up can be challenging. Show that you’re there to support. Affirmation sounds like:
Refer them to further support. Let them know help is available, and refer them to the appropriate resources. Referral sounds like:
“THANK YOU FOR SHARING.”
“I’VE BEEN USING THIS MEDITATION APP. IT’S HELPED ME SLOW DOWN MY THOUGHTS.”
“THAT MAKES SENSE.” “THAT SOUNDS DIFFICULT.” “I’M SORRY YOU’RE STRUGGLING RIGHT NOW.”
“YOU’RE NOT ALONE.” “I’M HERE FOR YOU.”
“I THINK IT MIGHT BE HELPFUL TO TALK TO SOMEONE. I CAN STAY WITH YOU WHILE WE CALL/TEXT A HOTLINE.”
Everyday Guide for Everyday Challenges: Validate-Appreciate-Refer Alison Malmon founded the nonprofit organization Active
“Students have identified mental health as their social jus-
Minds to support mental health awareness among college
tice issue,” Malmon writes. “They are going to be the ones
students after her brother, Brian, died by suicide in 2000.
that change this for future generations.”
She launched the group at her school, the University of
The organization has a tool called V-A-R — which stands
Pennsylvania, when she saw that there were no peer-to-
for Validate-Appreciate-Refer — a three-step guide for lis-
peer mental health student groups on campus. The group’s
tening and responding to a friend in a way that’s easy to un-
number one goal was to spread the word that seeking help is
derstand, do, and remember.
a sign of strength and not something to be ashamed of.
It’s challenging at times to know how to best support
“After my brother’s death, and knowing how preventable
someone who’s struggling. You don’t have to know all the
it was, I resolved — no matter what — to do something to
answers, but using the elements of V-A-R shows someone
change the way we approach mental health in this country,”
that you are actively listening and that you care, which can
Malmon writes on the organization’s website.
be life-changing.
The group now exists on more than 700 college campus-
(This tool is helpful for everyday troubles. Re-
es around the United States and impacts about 600,000
member that in crisis situations, it’s critical to seek
students each year through campus awareness campaigns,
professional help.)
events, advocacy, and outreach.
For more information on V-A-R, visit activeminds.org.
