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early years Introvert vs. Extrovert: When You and Your Child Are Opposites
AGE S 3- 7
BY KELLY GOEDE
Although extroversion and introversion seem like opposites, “the authors of Myers-Briggs provide a different
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perspective and suggest that everyone has both an extroverted side and an introverted side, with one being more dominant than the other,” according to Wikipedia. With that in mind, it’s easy to understand how a child who can seem exuberant during certain situations can also hide behind her mother’s back when in a new environment. Even though our children’s temperaments may not be the exact opposite of our own, the difference may be enough to tax our emotional reserves. Mother of three girls, Jill Burgett knows firsthand the joys and challenges of parenting her extroverted daughter, as she (and her two other daughters) are more introverted. “Emma exhausts me,” says Jill, adding, “She has such energy, which tends to peak at times of the day when I think we need more peace.”
also edge our kids out of their comfort zone to grow as well. Jill shares that Emma challenges her, yet she adds, “Being around others brings her such joy that it excites me to see that in her.”
WHAT KIND OF
PARENT ARE YOU?
Extroverted parents need to give their introverted child downtime, allowing him to draw energy from his own thought-life. Schedule one-onone time with your child as he will savor being able to have an in-depth conversation with just you. Allow your child ample time to process questions before expecting an answer. Set up playdates with just one or two friends for a less overwhelming playtime.
I contend that the same is true for my daughter, who seems exhausted by the pace of life I set for her, as she would prefer a few quiet hours to unwind and process her day.
Introverted parents need to embrace their extroverted child’s need for time with other people, spending time with them or placing them in group settings where they can interact and socialize. Allow your child to talk freely, letting her choose the topic. Find an outlet for your child, encouraging her to express herself artistically or physically through sports or performing arts.
Parenting your “opposite” doesn’t necessarily always mean tension, as our children stretch us and force us to grow and adapt. And as we are growing, we
Bottom-line for all parents, help your children understand their own temperaments and be open about what makes you tick.
2013
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I have four children. Each one is obviously different, in gender and personality and in temperament. Three of the four are fairly extroverted (as am I), meaning they are gregarious and are energized from being around other people. And one, even though she loves people and being social, draws her energy from time alone, reading, drawing and thinking. The world might label her an introvert, even though she’s not always shy and quiet. This difference in our temperaments has led to some tense moments in our relationship, but it has also led to growth for us both. Other parents I know have experienced similar tension with their children, as they attempt to parent their “opposite.”