Paw Print Issue 10

THE

PAW PRINT ISSUE #10 | VOL.36 | APRIL 12, 2024

A LOOK INSIDE:

6

LEARN THE BEST WAY TO PREP FOR A CONCERT

8-9

IT’S AP SEASON! HERE’S HOW TO PREP

16

PARKER GOES COUNTRY WITH BEYONCE’S ALBUM

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design by Mckenzie Collinsworth

table of

CONTENTS

03 Oped 03

Monday, April 8, total solar eclipse at Central Park.

PHOTO BY: Julie Mcmahan

Fast Fashion Frenzy

04-05 News

12-13 Sports

04

“Quiet on Set”

05

What to know about debt

06-11 Features

12

Siblings in Sports

13

Foreseeing the Fairway

14-15 Opinion

06

How to Plan for a Concert

07

The Parking Lot Predicament

14

Touch Grass

AP Success

15

Soccer’s Affect on Me

08-09

10

Stick to the Classics

11

The Conspiracy Chronicles

Staff List EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: MCKENZIE COLLINSWORTH

16 Caboose 16

Cowgirl Parker

Editors: NEWS: SELENA SABBAGH

CHIEF POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT: CARTER SHARPNACK

MANAGING EDITOR: NINA SUMMERS

FEATURES: HADLEY BIALEK ELLA MAROCHINO

Staff Writers:

WEBSITE EDITOR: VICTORIA SCHLUE

CENTER SPREAD: MALLORY GEARHART

CHIEF COPY EDITOR: SOPHIA SALEY

SPORTS: AIDEN BRUECK

COPY EDITOR: PARKER GREEN

OPINION: NINA MCANNALLY

MEDIA MANAGER: MADDIE LUCEY

CABOOSE: SOPHIA WELLS

DESIGN EDITOR: CATHERINE SMITH

COURTNEY ADAM ELLIE COLE MORGAN DOAN RAE FEINMAN NOAH FISCHER AMAUNI GARY JASZLYN HAWKINS EMILY HESSE SHANNON HURD MAISY JOHNSON MADY KERLEY

ADVISOR: NATALIE TANNEHILL

NATALIE KETLER CA LEAH MOORER OLIVIA MUZI ADDYSON PADGETT JULIA PARRISH ROWAN PENNINGTON LYDIA ROBERTSON MAX SHEIBELHOFFER JILLIAN TAYLOR LOGAN TOOLEY NOELE ZUBER

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design by Mckenzie Collinsworth

03

FAST FASHION FRENZY

the true cost of trend-chasing

S

ummer is just around the corner, and when is there a better excuse to buy new clothes? Honestly, there isn’t, but you have to make sure it’s done responsibly. Fast fashion is an obstacle plundering the world, with social media influencers corrupting the average person’s thoughts on what they actually need. Purchasing clothes every so often isn’t necessarily wrong, but the compulsion to frequently buy new clothes can be devastating- not only to the buyer but the world as a whole.

Fast Fashion is the process of mass-producing clothing items at a low cost while they are in extremely high demand. Oftentimes, these products are cheap and look worn after just a few wears. This causes buyers to discard the item, and buy newer, trendier clothes, further adding to the overconsumption.

One of the biggest platforms to intensify the detrimental effects of fast fashion is social media. There are thousands of influencers on platforms such as Instagram or TikTok showing off their most recent PR haul, or shopping spree, allowing for new trends to circulate the world instantaneously. Viewers see their posts and think they have to jump on the new trend before it becomes big, whether they’re actually interested in it, or they’re just jealous of the influencer. However, most times, these influencers are spreading micro-trends that don’t make it through one season. With people buying new items left and right it further adds to the problem.

Not only is fast fashion corrupting the minds of many, it’s also destroying the environment. The fashion industry is the second largest producer of carbon dioxide, accounting for about 10% of global pollution. CO2, or carbon dioxide, is a harmful emission that traps heat inside the earth’s surface, intensifying global warming. The fashion industry produces enough CO2 to overshadow both air and sea travel combined. In the past few years, many industries have set goals for themselves to limit their amount of greenhouse gas emissions, but how many of them actually reach their target? According to a study done by Good On You, a sustainable fashion supporter, roughly 81% of large brands have not released statements saying they are on track to meet their goals, which is absurd. If almost the entirety of brands aren’t willing to admit the success of their attempts to limit their use of greenhouse gas emissions, or lack thereof, then one can assume that they are unsuccessful. If a company had lessened their emissions, it could

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increase its popularity amongst a large group of individuals, so why would the brand keep the information from the public, unless it would negatively impact the company?

For every article of clothing made, hundreds of people work to make it, and the majority of those people don’t make enough to sustainably live. Fast fashion retailers employ thousands of workers from countries with cheap rates. As buyers start to purchase mass amounts of clothing, employers need to meet the demands of the public, so they increase the amount of hours their employees work. The employers are exploiting their workers, by not paying them enough to get by, and those who invest in micro-trends only make it worse. It’s not fair that these employees are forced to work long hours, but the best thing you can do to help them is to forgo shopping at companies with cheap prices and thousands of options.

Instead, we should look to more sustainable options, like thrift stores.

There is a lot of controversy over thrift stores. Many people see it as a dirty place to buy cheap-looking clothes, but that is far from the truth.

Thrift stores are a great way to get new clothes, without adding to the detrimental effects that buying clothes from name brands can have. There is no reason for all of your clothes to be new when there are hundreds of thrift stores overflowing with lightly used items. By buying new clothes when there are options that are already available, you’re just adding to the overconsumption. So, one of the best ways to counteract fast fashion is to shop at thrift stores. And don’t forget to donate old clothes in the process.

By donating your old clothes, other people can buy them without further contributing to the detrimental impact.

Fast fashion is destroying the economy and environment as well as corrupting the minds of the many. It’s causing the masses to purchase goods they don’t need, producing endless amounts of CO2, leading to the destruction of the environment, as well as robbing workers of the money they need to get by. Fast fashion needs to stop, and the only way to do this is for everyone to stop purchasing clothes from dishonorable stores, and look towards more sustainable options. It doesn’t matter if you’re just buying one cheap sundress; any purchase contributes to the detrimental effects of fast fashion.

EDITORIAL POLICY The newspaper staff will make every reasonable effort to verify quotations in final approved copy with the individual(s) quoted, in interest of accuracy. Copy in the newspaper will bear bylines when, in the opinion of the adviser with the editor’s approval, the writer has earned recognition and running the byline is acceptable journalistically.

If a newspaper editorial does not bear a byline, it reflects the opinion of the entire staff. A bylined editorial reflects only the opinion of the writer.

Viewpoints expressed in newspaper editorials are not necessarily shared by any members of the faculty (including the adviser), the administration, or the board of education.

All letters to the editor of the newspaper must be signed for verification purposes, but the staff may withhold names upon request. Because of space limitations letters of 300 words or less will receive preference, and longer letters may be subject to condensation with the cooperation of the writer. The final decision of whether to print a letter rests solely with the staff.

news

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design by Mckenzie Collinsworth written by Nina Summers

“QUIET ......ON SET” T

discover the behind the scenes secrets of some of your favorite childhood shows

he Nickelodeon documentary, “Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV” has attracted a large audience of concerned viewers.

On March 18, 2024, the first episode came out, shining light on the abuse some child actors endure. “Quiet on Set” is a five-part documentary series that focuses on the scenes reality of popular children’s shows; specifically, “The Amanda Show,” “Drake & Josh,” and “iCarly.”

“The documentary focuses on Dan Schneider, the ‘golden boy’ creator of many Nickelodeon shows who left the network under a cloud of scandal in 2018.” Joel Mathis, Week Us author, said.

Schnieder has left Nickelodeon covered with scandals, and the series centers around the continuous abuse he caused children.

He had a long history on television, starring in the show “Head of the Class” before producing different series. Schnieder worked with Nickelodeon from 1994 -2019, creating and writing for around 15 popular TV shows. Writers alongside Schnieder felt very uncomfortable with the scripts he chose for young children and often said that they portrayed pornographic resemblance.

“Working for Dan was like being in an abusive relationship,” Christy Stratton, coauthor, said.

Dan Schnieder started his producing career with “All That,” a popular kids TV show that focused on comedy. Schnieder was the head writer for “All That” from 1994-1998 and then left the show to produce “The Amanda Show.” The documentary “Quiet

on Set” shared that Schnieder and Amanda Bynes had a very close relationship while she was growing up, but Bynes did not appear in the docuseries. Their close relationship was reportedly very physical, with Bynes frequently hugging, sitting on, and giving neck massages to Schnieder. Although they had a very close relationship, no one else on set reported seeing anything unusual about their relationship.

Schnieder was also the producer of “iCarly” and “Sam&Cat” in the early 2000s.

Many examples of inappropriate material revolve around short clips of Ariana Grande.

Grande was repeatedly sexualized in public clips, where she was forced into performing uncomfortable scenes. The entire cast of “iCarly” was reported to be uncomfortable anytime Schnieder was present.

The attention of the docuseries applies a heavy focus on “Drake&Josh” star, Drake Bell. In “Quiet on Set,” Bell speaks on the sexual abuse he endured while starring on Nickelodeon. Bell pleaded guilty in 2021 to a felony charge of attempted child endangerment and a misdemeanor of disseminating matter harmful to children.

On the podcast, “Not Skinny but Not Fat,” Bell said, “I’d responded on some DMs and was incredibly irresponsible, and got myself into conversations that I shouldn’t have had, and I ended up finding out that I was talking to someone that I shouldn’t have been talking to, and it snowballed into these allegations that were not true, and it just turned into this big thing.”

In the third episode, Bell talks about the abuse he faced from his actor

a breakd

own

and voice coach, Brian Peck. Peck was convicted of sexually assaulting children on the Nickelodeon set in 2004, and it was revealed that Bell was in the center of that court case. At 14 and 15 years old, Bell was manipulated and assaulted by Peck on numerous occasions.

“I woke up to him. … I woke up, opened my eyes, and he was sexually assaulting me.

I froze and was in complete shock. I had no idea what to do or how to react,” Bell said.

Bell continues to say that his experiences with Peck kept getting worse and that Bell’s mother had been manipulated into allowing him alone time with a minor. In 2003, Bell finally spoke up against Peck and got the authorities involved in his situation. While all of this was happening, Schnieder was reported not to care and often supported toxic environments. Schiender even told Bell, “You don’t need to talk anymore about it,” after Peck’s arrest.

The “Quiet on Set” docuseries showed that many famous childhood TV shows centered around backstage abuse. Dan Schneider was at the face of it all because he allowed children to get abused, forced actors into performing inappropriate actions, and even committed abuse himself.

On March 19, 2024, Schinder released a 20 minute video apologizing for all of the allegations made against him, but many people who worked with him feel like they deserve a direct apology. The series showed millions of people that children need to be provided with a safer environment while working at such a young age.

design by Mckenzie Collinsworth photos by Carter Sharpnack

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news

WHAT TO KNOW Biden announces new student debt plan

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n Monday April 8th, President Biden announced new plans to expand student debt relief, affecting up to 30 million Americans. Up to this point, the administration has approved $146 billion dollars in student debt cancellation, affecting 4 million Americans, through more than 24 executive actions.

Last June, the Supreme Court blocked Biden’s initial plans for student debt relief through executive power. After this, the Department of Education began pursuing student debt relief through cooperative rulemaking under the Higher Education Act. This effort culminated in the newly announced plan.

The plan announced by Biden affects three distinct groups: it cancels the full accrued interest of 23 million borrowers, it provides more than $5,000 of aid to 10 million borrowers, and it fully cancels the student loan debts of 4 million borrowers.

White House spokesperson Karine JeanPierre stated that these plans could take effect as early as this fall, following a public comment period.

Currently, more than 43 million Americans owe more than $1.7 trillion dollars in student loans. According to Biden and his proponents, this places undue financial strain on the economy by inhibiting borrowers from buying homes and providing other economic stimulus.

Earlier borrowers who have now paid off their debt have expressed some concern about the fairness of the plans, due to their lack of relief.

“While a college degree still is a ticket to the middle class, that ticket is becoming much too expensive. Much too expensive,” Biden said at an event in Madison, Wisconsin. “The ability for working and middle-class folks to repay their student

loans has become so burdensome that a lot can’t repay it for even decades after being in school.”

Critics of the plans have stated concerns over the constitutionality of the plans, as well as stating that the plans have, in many cases, no application requirements, instead opting to automatically cancel debt for millions of Americans. Seven states are currently pursuing lawsuits against the administration for their allegedly unconstitutional actions under the SAVE Plan, quoting the Supreme Court’s decision last year that the President cannot “unilaterally alter large sections of the American economy.”

Proponents point out that the President is not acting unilaterally; he is working with the Department of Education to carry out the powers given to them in legislation passed by Congress. In addition, the new plan is based on a different law, one that authorized the Secretary of Education the power to “compromise, waive or release” federal student loans.

Even some supporters of Biden have expressed concern with the timing of the cancellation. Pointing out that the debt cancellation, a major campaign promise, was not being accomplished until Biden’s final year of his first term. Biden has stated that, if reelected, he will pursue free community college in his second term.

President Biden has set a large portion of his campaign towards education reform, but it is unsure if the Supreme Court will approve this debt cancellation or other lofty plans, even with the dramatic restructuring from the last student debt cancellation plan.

features

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HOW TO PLAN

design by Mckenzie Collinsworth written by Courtney Adam & Morgan Doan

FOR A CONCERT

...and have time to spare

D

ecades ago, concerts used to be a simple and cheap activity for anyone to enjoy. If someone was bored on a Saturday night, they could drive to their local venue to see who was playing. Now, concerts have turned into a whole production. When planning for a concert, there are always essential things to remember. Nowadays, tickets are bought months in advance to score the cheapest prices. After that, prices will change depending on the day and it can be hard to tell when it is the right time to buy them from a reseller. After tickets are bought, it is important to consider travel time, parking, the time the doors open, the length of merch lines, food and more.

In order to get the most out of a concert experience, consider creating a timeline.

Some concerts can be very far away distance wise, so travel is involved. For example, if the concert is five hours away, it may be best to drive there the night before and stay in a hotel. This way, there is no need to worry about any complications like bad weather or traffic. On the day of the concert, there is more time to get ready in the morning instead of driving for hours and rushing later. If the concert venue is only an hour or so away, it is easy just to drive there the day of the show. Always get ready before leaving because getting ready in a car can be hard. When figuring out what time to go by, take into account what time the doors open and if there are any plans to eat dinner. For example, if the doors open at 6 p.m., eat dinner around 4 p.m. This allows time to enjoy dinner no matter how slow the service is, drive to the venue, and find a place to park. By leaving earlier, the day doesn’t have to be rushed.

Although some people may not want to eat before, concerts are long, so it’s crucial to fuel up while you can.

When arriving at a venue, parking can be unpredictable. Whether it’s a parking garage, the venue owned parking lot, or a grocery store nearby, it can take some time

to find an option. Researching the parking situation beforehand can be helpful to get a general idea of what to expect. Sometimes parking garages can be expensive, but they might be the only option available, especially if it’s a busy area. It is always vital to remember the exact parking spot before leaving for the concert to quickly find the car later.

Once at the venue, immediately find the line to get in the door. After more people arrive, the line can get very long. Getting there earlier allows for more free time later. Once the doors open, it is best to get in the merchandise line immediately. Those lines can also get long over time, so again, the earlier there, the better. By securing merchandise early, one avoids the feeling of disappointment if something were to sell out later.

After buying merch, there should still be plenty of time to do miscellaneous tasks.

This includes standing in lines for snacks or the bathroom, taking plenty of photos to remember the night and exploring the venue for fun stands they may have set up. Having time to do these things makes for a better concert experience. There is even time to sit down and enjoy the opener when they go on. Some people are still waiting outside to get in. The openers enjoy it when they have a packed crowd to perform for. Thankfully, these options are available because the whole day was planned and on schedule.

Planning a day makes or breaks a concert experience. Why rush if there are ways to avoid being late? Enjoying time with friends or family during a concert creates great memories. Planning out the day allows for wiggle room if anything were to happen, still ensuring the best experience.

Concerts have become very expensive, and not taking advantage of everything they have to offer may not make it worth it.

Timelines have changed the concert game, and everyone should adopt the process of making one.

Itinerary Example 1:30 - Leave for ____ - The earlier you leave, the more time you have to do stuff beforehand like eating or exploring the area.

3:30-5 - Dinner at ____ - Leaving an hour and a half for dinner may be excessive, but it allows time if anything were to happen like slow service or a long wait before being seated.

5:30 - Stand in Line - Securing a good spot in the line to enter is essential because it allows time for activities inside the venue.

6:00 - Doors Open - As soon as the doors open, find a merch stand and wait in that line before things start to sell out. The earlier, the shorter the line.

6:30 - Get Merchandise - After buying merchandise, there is plenty of time to take photos, get any snacks, go to the bathroom, explore the venue, and more.

7:30 - Opener Performs - Because everything was done beforehand, there’s plenty of time to sit down and enjoy the opener.

9:00 - Concert Starts - Enjoy the concert!

design by Mckenzie Collinsworth written by Hadley Bialek

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features

THE PARKING LOT PREDICAMENT the GHS parking lot is out of control

T

he dreaded GHS parking lot, every driver’s worst nightmare at the end of the day. This may not be a shock to some people, but no one knows the extent to which this frustration runs. From the lack of driver awareness to the high speeds at which people drive, the parking lot is increasingly becoming an issue during the school day.

Since the creation of FLEX periods in 2021 to limit the number of students in the building, the number of students driving in and out of the parking lot throughout the day has increased. This, coupled with drivers’ high speeds, leaves a steady flow of fast traffic, which can be dangerous, especially for students returning to school from FLEX. “I went home for FLEX during ninth period, but I had to come back to get my brother or something. On my way back, I was driving to go park in my

normal spot, and someone backed into me as I was driving to my spot. It was a really loud noise, and I was really scared.

We got out and looked at the damage and it wasn’t bad at all.

We didn’t get into insurance or anything, and we just kind of fixed our cars and went on with our lives,” Kaelynn Kresowaty ‘25 said.

The lack of awareness drivers have of other cars and students in the parking lot merely provides the elements for more car accidents. Deputy Gruelle is the School Resource Officer and part of his job relates to the parking lot. He directs traffic in the afternoons and deals with reported accidents on school property. Many accidents go unreported to the school, but for the few that do, they tend to have the same storyline.

“Speed, distractions, and generally people just racing to get out of the parking lot first,” Gruelle said.

STORY HOUR:

Accidents aren’t the only problem plaguing the aisles of the parking lot. The speed at which people drive leaves little room for braking whether that be needed when almost hitting another car or avoiding hitting a person. The lack of care drivers tend to have about these issues leaves there to be very few solutions to this problem. So, what is the best solution?

“I think that’s what I would like advice on; do students and staff think it would do more harm than good to put speed bumps out there? How can we draw attention to the fact that you should not be going that fast in a parking lot, paying attention, and having more courtesy to the other people driving through the lot as well.

Does it take an extra deputy out there to monitor the traffic a little bit better? Do I need to be out there more regularly than I am throughout the school day?,” Gruelle said.

Students also hit each other daily, sometimes only resulting in tiny, barely noticeable scratches. However, this isn’t always the case. One car can leave un-scathed while the other is trashed. Shawn Fisk ‘24 was in a parking lot accident August 30th, 2022.

“I’m not really sure how it happened because I was parked and not outside. I was in math class and someone asked me if I drove a Black Honda, I said yes. They then said someone hit it. My left fender was bent in and my front bumper was all scratched and ugly,” Fisk said.

The parking lot issues have been prominent for many years.

However, the time to take action is fast approaching. With the lack of a clear solution, the steps to getting there are a mystery.

But to all drivers, slow down, pay attention, and be patient.

“I think the students collectively do a “On my way out of the parking lot good job with the flow of traffic but it’s I sneezed and pressed on the gas. the parents who don’t understand the I bumper carred into Aidan Twigg.” every other system.”

- Alaina Rollyson ‘25 - Mr. Wells “After a football game, this girl was trying to get out faster than the other people. She was going the opposite way of the flow of traffic and she hit my car.”

- Lydia Smith ‘24

center spread 08

THE PAW PRINT

APSUCCESS design by Catherine Smith written by Ella Marochino & Catherine Smith

THE ULTIMATE STUDY HELP

T

is the dreaded season of Final Exams and AP Testing here at GHS. We are wrapping up lessons and new material to make time for review of everything students may have learned this year. If you’re not lucky enough to have been exempt from at least a few of your exams, it is time to focus up and study to ensure a positive end to the year. Senior and ACT exemptions do not apply to CCP or AP finals exams.

Exam season is commonly feared by students, but there are countless ways to effectively prepare. The hardest part is finding what technique works best for each individual.

Different classes require different approaches Many classes are more memory based such as history, science or foreign language. For a class that requires remembering material, it may be helpful to make flashcards or grab a friend to help quiz you on the subject. On the other hand, classes like math or language arts require more application. When preparing for these exams practice problems and quizzes are generally more helpful. Point in hand being that different classes may require different preparation.

“For math, you need to actually be doing problems on top of reviewing your materials.”

Math teacher Mr Vincent Petrecca said.

There are plenty of resources out there

that can be extremely beneficial. Most teachers will give out study guides for their specific exam, review in class and offer extra help when needed. It is also important to try and understand the material in each class as it’s presented. It will be much easier to review for a final than it would be to try and learn a year’s worth of work in a week. The beauty of the study guide is that the teacher that made the review also made the final exam.

Though the study guide probably won’t cover everything, it helps lay the framework for the studying process. Getting extra help from the teacher who, once again, made the exam, can be very helpful as well. There is no shame in going to the math lab or staying after school.

All these opportunities should be taken advantage of when aiming for good scores, especially in hard classes.

AP classes are rapidly approaching their final exams and AP tests dates. The classes will take final exams first, set up as mock AP tests, and then they will take the true AP exam.

“Slow and steady wins the race. No cramming. You also need to take care of yourself physically and mentally while you are preparing for your AP test. The test is one day, one score, it does not define you,” Spanish teacher Mrs Angela Garritano said.

Most teachers generally agree studying is

very important, but craming is not worth it.

If you try to retain all the information you learned in the course the night before the test, you will ultimately forget it and lose sleep. Studying in short, spread out periods is much more beneficial than trying to learn it all in one night. Managing your time when preparing will result in better scores overall.

It’s very important to practice self-care during these last few rigorous months of school. This includes getting good sleep, eating three good meals a day, drinking water and more. Self care is another aspect that may look different for everyone, but it is important to take care of yourself.

“Start early, come up with a really good schedule. You need to take breaks and get really good sleep, cramming will not end well.

Just make sure to take care of yourself.” Math teacher Mrs Heather Stoll said.

It’s important for students to remember that these exams are made up of material they’ve seen before. As long as they prepare appropriately, there shouldn’t be any surprises on the test. And while we’re pointing out the positives, after these exams are over it’ll be summer break. Grades do not define you, and life will go on regardless of the outcomes of exam season.

AP EXAM DATES (AM) 5/6 Government Chemistry (PM) 5/7 Statistics (PM)

5/8

Literature (AM) CSA (PM)

(AM) 5/9 Environmental Pychology (PM)

& 5/14 Language Composition (AM)

History (AM) 5/10 US European History (PM) 5/13 Calculus (AM)

(AM) 5/15 French CSP (PM) (AM) 5/16 Spanish Biology (PM)

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09 center spread

THE GREAT DEBATE: is GHS’s AP testing process an effective system?

It’s finally that time of the school year where the AP that normally stands for advanced placement takes on the new meaning of advanced pain. Towards the end of the school year, students all across the nation start preparing for the grueling College Board tests for a variety of subjects. While students at GHS do the same, there is one key difference: the AP Mock Exams that our students take as their final. While there are many positives to taking these tests prior to the actual College Board test, there are also some negatives, so let’s get to the heart of the discussion in light of AP season.

PROS

Just in case you’ve been living under a rock for your entire high school career, here’s a brief explanation of what an AP mock exam is.

If a student is in AP Calculus, for example, the College Board test is on May 13th, but they will take their GHS final exam on May 2nd, a little under two weeks beforehand. This protocol isn’t standard for every AP student across the US, in fact, many surrounding schools don’t take the same approach. Now that we know what an AP mock exam looks like and how unique they are to GHS, we’ll get onto the pros in taking them.

The biggest positive behind taking an AP mock exam before the actual College Board test, and the reason GHS chooses to do them, is that they teach you what the real experience will look like. Prior to the AP mock exam, most students have no idea how to pace themselves between three essays or 40 plus multiple choice questions and this mock exam gives them the opportunity to learn.

“On the final, I didn’t pay attention to my time and by the time I had ten minutes left, I had only answered three of them [SAQ’s ]. However, when I took the real exam, I was hyper aware of how much time I had

left and was able to pace myself,” said Adrianna Barnes ‘24 on the AP World History.

After students learn effective pacing for the real exam within the next two weeks, they can begin to look at their mistakes on the practice test. Teachers work quickly to grade these exams over the few days after the mock exam to pass back to their students so they can see both their predicted score and what topics they succeed and struggle in.

Obtaining this knowledge prior to the eventual College Board test shows students what units to prioritize while studying, which is an advantage that would have remained unknown without the mock exam.

Now that the students have learned how to both pace themselves in both the multiple choice and writing sections and indepthly studied their weakest units, the resultant is an immediate confidence boost.

Regardless of whether or not the student knows all of the content and material, they are likely to feel better prepared for the exam than they would have been without the initial practice run through.

Despite the many positives to taking the AP mock exams as listed above, there’s always someone who can poke holes in the given circumstances and exploit the flaws. So, in order to truly grasp both sides of the situation at hand, let’s play devil’s advocate for just a few points.

The most obvious downside of the AP mock exam is the fact that it’s taken under two weeks prior to the actual test. While two labor grueling tests are somewhat manageable in such a short span of time, this starts to get outrageous when students are taking multiple AP courses. The three AP classes that the student enrolled in at the beginning of the school year with the thought of taking only three College Board tests in May just turned into a month of unexplainable pain as the number of strenuous tests turned into six.

“It makes me feel like I have a lot on the line because I don’t want to fail the class and waste my parents money on a lot of exams. Not to mention that I spend a lot of my time playing soccer and lacrosse which makes it stressful and hard to balance,” said Sofia Durfee ‘24.

Stress is a completely valid reason for students to oppose the AP mock exams, but the AP teachers are also met with their own version of stress at this time of the school year. For one, the quick turnaround grading time of these practice exams is very short, and many of the teachers have to grade several multiple choice questions for a large

group of students along with any form of short or long written responses that come with the given exam. Another aspect of these exams that affects the teachers is the times that they occur. Considering the length of these tests, four hour time periods are blocked off each day for the course being tested. This is detrimental to the students that take multiple AP classes as they are in and out of the classroom at the end of May, not only providing a greater distraction to the teacher’s classes, but missing valuable information pertaining to their other AP courses.

After taking into consideration the mixed emotions of both students and teachers in the months of April and May, it’s time to talk about the actual grading process behind the exams. AP tests created by the College Board are supposed to be extremely challenging and test the student’s knowledge on every aspect of the course. Given this characteristic of the actual AP exams, the mock exams given at GHS are authentic to this style and test the students in an extremely similar manner. While this is seen to be helpful for the students, the downside comes from the fact that they appear as the student’s final grade in the course. While sometimes the mock exam gets a curve to counteract the low pass rate of the AP US History exam for example, this is not always the case and some students get a poor final grade to be factored into their final class grade.

CONS

AP exams will always have their positives and negatives as they are a true testament to a college education. Despite this, the College Board and their opinions on your writing in the AP English Language and Composition synthesis essay does not define you. This is your healthy reminder to take your AP tests seriously and try your best, but in the end, whatever score you get doesn’t define you and success looms in all areas of your life, just keep looking.

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design by Mckenzie Collinsworth written by Rae Fienman

stick to the

CLASSICS Rae Fienman weighs in on the importance of classic novels

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efore we begin the recommendations, I know what you’re thinking -- and I earnestly agree. Classics are antiquated. Classic literature has long been understood to reflect a panoptic image of society and the catalog is still highly regarded in literary circles despite it no longer speaking for the standard breadth of experience.

Instead, it represents the perspectives of its time - much like how contemporary literature needs to represent the progressive values of the modern world for it to have any hope of withstanding the test of time and being considered “classic” itself.

Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis: Would Franz Kafka still love you if you were a bug? No. He’d throw apples at you as you skittered under the couch. Nobody loves a bug. Entomological terror aside, Kafka’s themes can be, at times, relatable (unlike the grandpa story to come). If nothing else, you will get to add “kafkaesque” to your lexicon. Time not spent exhaustively listening to Beyonce’s new album? Kafkaesque. School lunch? Kafkaesque. It’s the adjective that keeps on giving.

Richard Henry Dana Jr.’s Two Years Before the Mast: I succumb to honesty: I read nautical literature to scratch the “gossip” itch. Of course, talking about my classmate’s indiscretions is morally reprehensive, but if the fictitious quartermaster has a problem with the equally fictitious boatswain, I want to know all the details. I can rejoice in their abject pettiness without suffering the guilty conscience of (genuine) betrayal. If curiosity about sailing square rigged ships (or miscellaneous gossip) ever got the best of you as well, I can attest that this novel is a treatise on the subjects.

Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea: It’s Moby Dick (Hemingway’s Version). Swap Captain Ahab for grandpa and the white whale for a giant marlin, and you have The Old Man and the Sea. Unlike Moby Dick, grandpa wins. Have you ever wondered what goes through an older man’s head in the middle of the ocean surrounded by sharks? Probably not…but it’s in there, as well as several life lessons that are arguably irrelevant if you’re not a senior citizen. Also: more boats. Never enough boats.

Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness: Clunky prose with an all-too-familiar, well-worn theme? Even more boats? A scathing critique of imperialism? Heart of Darkness delivers on all of these (and more). If it’s any confirmation, modern authors have picked the pocket of this story absolutely bare. You’re sure to recognize it in your favorite thrillers. Float up a river, make a crazy friend…wonder about your own humanity. Typical high school things. Narrowly escaping the jungle with your friend who is narrowly escaping insanity? How kafkaesque.

design by Mckenzie Collinsworth written by Mckenzie Collinsworth

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11 features

THE CONSPIRACY

CHRONICALS E

veryone loves a good conspiracy here and there. Besides, what’s the difference between a conspiracy and gossip?

Actually, quite a lot. A conspiracy theory is an attempt to explain harmful or tragic events as the results of the actions of a small powerful group. Such explanations reject the accepted narrative surrounding those events; indeed the official version may be seen as further proof of the conspiracy.

It’s common to see the adaptation of conspiracy theories in periods of widespread anxiety, uncertainty, and hardship, as during wars and economic depression and in the aftermath of natural disasters like tsunamis, earthquakes, and pandemics. Conspiratorial thinking is driven by a strong human desire to make sense of social forces that are self-relevant, important, and threatening. The content of conspiracy theories is emotionally laden and its alleged discovery can be gratifying. The survivability of conspiracy theories may be aided by psychological biases and by distrust of official resources.

It’s no secret conspiracy theories are generated from a multitude of reasons and for numerous situations. Some are more popular than others and have even formed into larger movements. Here are some of the most common (or possibly not to you) conspiracy theories: There’s a low chance you will never not meet someone who believes the earth is flat. Aside from all the science suggesting otherwise, flat earthers (more commonly known as) hold a theory that the earth is a disk shape. Other flat earthers, however, believe the earth is actually an infinite plane in all directions. There’s the Arctic circle in the middle and there’s the land masses around it.

Then on Antarctica, there is ice around the edge, but instead of it being a discrete disc, some people believe Antarctica goes on forever in all directions. This conspiracy theory is in no way new, but it fosters thinking as a large number of people find the idea to be true. The defiance of proven science is plausibly to have come from the Bible where it describes the four corners of the earth. Naturally, spheres don’t have corners.

“How do we just not fall off the earth if it’s constantly spinning?

Obviously I understand gravity to a certain extent, but something just doesn’t seem right,” Matthew Galemmo ‘24 said.

Continuing with the space theme: another wide held conspiracy is the moon landing was staged and didn’t actually happen. Although NASA has produced an absorbent amount of proof, people still aren’t convinced. Taking a look at some of the photos taken, conspiracists detect the shadows of the landing to prove the images are fake. The shadows appear not parallel to one another even though the only light source is coming from the sun. Apparently not, they believe the photos were produced in a studio with multiple light sources creating different shadow patterns. Others who believe in this conspiracy theory look towards the flag planted on the moon. It’s waving in the wind, but last anyone checked there was no wind on the moon.

“If we landed on the moon, how come we’ve never gone back and

a snapshot of modern myths

explored more? With today’s technology we should be able to have a party up there. Oh wait, we can’t because we’ve never been in the first place,” Tess Peel ‘24 said.

A recently surged conspiracy is the vaccination conspiracy.

Some people believe that vaccines are harmful and there is a hidden agenda behind their promotion. In the 19th century, the smallpox vaccination was met with claims that it was a government measure to curb personal freedoms, would cause further illness, and that it was introduced to increase profits for those in the medical profession. The same has been said for the Covid-19 vaccine and others mandated by the government through school medical requirements and even through jobs. Some also propose it as the government’s way of tracking you or gaining further information about your life.

“I feel like I’m always in need of a vaccine of some kind. I think weird. There’s no way it’s medicine; it has to be ‘energy’ for the tracker placed in my body,” Ginger Galemmo ‘26 said.

Here’s a hot button issue: global warming. The global warming hoax theory suggests that climate change is a made-up concept to control people or benefit certain industries. Attacks on global warming are mainly aimed for climate solutions. Ideas like wind turbines cause cancer or cause birth defects in animals. On the business perspective, global warming, as theories see it, is made to boom business and expand certain industries around the globe all curated by the government.

A very recent conspiracy theory stems from the actions of the royal family. Kate Middleton has been diagnosed with cancer recently after a large spread panic of her whereabouts to the public.

The timeline is extensive with many plot twists that lead many to think the princess does in fact not have cancer. A majority of this theory stems back to the whole Princess Diana controversy and the royal family’s role in her death (a whole other conspiracy). Middleton is seemingly “missing” for months in which the public receives no information until she posts an AI generated photo where she later apologizes for because everyone figured it out. Many people are convinced she does not have cancer but rather has an eating disorder of some kind or Prince William of Wales, her husband, is having an affair. Considering there have been few sightings of the kids, people tend to lean towards the idea she left William with her kids and now lives somewhere else.

“It’s all so strange. One day she’s missing and the public becomes worried and then she’s back with cancer. There’s no way. I see it has an easy cover-up to protect William,” Adrianna Barnes ‘24 said.

Most people who believe in conspiracy theories are dedicated to what they believe. The need to look for something beyond the plausible and to cope with the event or situation are common causes to the development of conspiracy theories. There’s no way to be certain if any of these theories are true, but the people are going to believe what they want to believe.

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SIBLINGS SPORTS design by Catherine Smith written by Jillian Taylor

IN

Green High School offers a variety of different sports, clubs, and other activities. Though even with all of these options there are many siblings you’ll find participating in the same sports.

THE

LIPSCOMBS

The first set of siblings is a senior-freshman duo who both play soccer, Reese and Bradey Lipscomb. Both sisters have been playing soccer since they were little up to high school. Reese first started off playing soccer because her parents put her in youth soccer. While they’ve never been able to play on the same team due to their three year age gap, the sisters have gotten to go through summer conditioning and season practices together due to high school, where they were able to make many memories.

“One time during a summer practice all the upperclassmen brought squirt guns and got to go crazy at the end of soccer” Reese Lipscomb 24’ said The sisters were only able to complete one season together, but playing on a team is an opportunity many siblings don’t get to experience. While it may have been short, the sisters were able to pick up good memories through the season.

THE

CAMINOAS

A second pair of same sport siblings are the Caminoas, Sami and Marcio, who both play soccer. Marcio has played soccer for about 11 years while Sami just recently joined the sport almost two years ago at the beginning of her freshman year. Marcio first started playing due to the popularity of the sport where he is from, Argentina, and the enjoyment his dad expressed for it. Seeing Marcio and her dad playing is also what pushed Sami to give it a try. While Marcio’s favorite part of the sport is the actual playing aspect, Sami enjoys the personal connection she’s made.

“My favorite memory from soccer is freshman year when I was on a team with all my friends.” Sami Caminoa ‘24 said.

The siblings have never gotten to play on the same team but are still able to enjoy the sport together and make new memories as a family.

THE

MORGANS

Lindsay Morgan, ‘24, and Alyssa Morgan, ‘27, not only play one sport together but two, Gymnastic and Track. Amidst the two year age gap between the sisters, they have been in gymnastics together for about ten years.” While gymnastics runs in the family it was the girl’s mother who really got them into the sport after signing them up for kinder classes when they were young. During track, both girls pole vault and are paving their way being the first ones in their family to compete in the event.

Lindsay has done pole vault for 3 years while Alyssa just joined this year. Despite their two year age gap, Lindsay and Alyssa have still been able to compete on the same team in track, club gymnastics, school gymnastics, and have their share of memorable experiences together “The positives is getting to experience these high school memories with my sister and there are no negatives.” Lindsay Morgan ‘25 said.

While the girls do sometimes get annoyed with each other, they appreciate getting to compete on the same team together and their competitive nature allows them to push each other everyday and get through the tough mental and physical practices together.

design by Mckenzie Collinsworth written by Aiden Brueck & Victoria Schlue

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13 sports

FORESEEING

THE FAIRWAY Schlue and Brew’s Predictions for The Masters 2024

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very April, golf fanatics alike center their attention on (subjectively) the biggest golf tournament of the year. Held at Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta, Georgia, ‘The Masters’ is a yearly showcase of the best in the golf business. Here are our (Aiden and Victoria’s) very own predictions for possible outcomes at the tournament this year; though, you probably shouldn’t bet on them. While informed in our predictions, the tournament has proven time and again that anything is possible.

Schlue’s Predictions Favorites Scottie Scheffler and Rory Mcllroy are speculated to have a close battle this year at the masters; and while I’m wishing Scheffler will take home another green jacket, I ultimately see Mclroy winning his fifth major this year at the 88th Masters.

Scheffler having an impressive season (finishing top five in nearly every tournament) gives me hope for him, but last year at Augusta he finished tenth, which waivers my faith. Though the 35 yard increase on the par 5 can be blamed for unexpected course change, I still dont think Scheffler will be able to pull out another win. Considering Mcllroy’s blow up at the Masters last year and not making the cut, I was initially unsure when

I put my faith in him; however, upon careful consideration, I don’t think McIlroy will make the same mistake he did last year, especially considering his track record this season.

Mcllroy, for the past decade has been gunning for a career Grand Slam, and while he dropped the ball last year I think his mistakes are only going to further his motivation. Not only does he want it, but I believe he wants it more than anyone in the game currently.

A close second could be Brooks Koepka.

Considering his transfer to LIV Golf not too long ago, Koepka has been anxious to get back on the leaderboard. From his runner up performance in last year’s Masters, Koepka faced a lot of backlash considering his split

from the PGA tour. Not only would this be a chance to earn another major under his belt but would also give LIV golfers a more respectable name.

While yes, the merger between LIV Golf and the PGA Tour is still new, I think it’s going to be incredibly difficult to get rid of the ‘phony’ name LIV Golfers have been given since 2021. I think Koepka will be able to not only put the stigma to rest while also addressing McIlroy’s publicly stated hatred for the league; considering their popularity in this year’s tournament I feel this year’s tournament will ultimately reside in Mcllroy’s favor.

Brew’s Predictions The Masters is more akin to a limited Netflix series rather than the most prestigious golf tournament of the year.

It’s something I can mindlessly turn on in the background, follow loosely, and yet still understand fully what’s going on without hovering over it like I would during March Madness.

The tournament is more than just ‘the Masters’, it’s Augusta National Golf Club’s premiere invitation for the world’s best to tackle their course. That being said, it’s important to look at how the golfers participating this year have performed at Augusta instead of their overall performance in the PGA or LIV tours respectively.

Rory McIlroy heads into the 2024 Masters with an interesting mix of promise and uncertainty. One of the most talented golfers of his generation, Rory has a wide range of skills, from powerful drives to

precise short game shots. However, despite his abilities, he has faced challenges in winning major tournaments recently.

McIlroy’s past experiences and desire to achieve the career Grand Slam should fuel his determination; with his focus and guidance from seasoned coaches like Butch Harmon, McIlroy could harness his talent and overcome the challenges of Augusta, even if he comes up short. If he can perform at his best when it counts, McIlroy most definitely can contend for the title.

Despite his incredible record in major championships, including three PGA Championships and two US Opens, Koepka’s history at Augusta National has been inconsistent. While he’s secured top-ten finishes, he’s also encountered challenges leading to missed cuts in previous years.

Koepka’s mindset suggests that if he can find his stride on Augusta’s demanding course, he

could emerge as a serious contender for the green jacket.

Victor Hovland enters the 2024 Masters with a huge question mark. Hovland has steadily climbed the ranks in professional golf since turning pro; with several PGA Tour victories under his belt and consistency on the international stage, including representing Europe in the Ryder Cup, Hovland has proven himself as a fair draw.

While he’s yet to secure a major, his steady progress and confidence suggest that he is well-positioned to contend at Augusta this year. With his strong tee-to-green game, Hovland has the necessary skills to navigate the challenges of Augusta. As he continues to refine his game and gain valuable experience on golf’s grandest stages, Hovland is my dark horse for this year’s tournament.

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design by Catherine Smith written by Ellie Cole

SPEND TIME OUTDOORS

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rowing up, my siblings and I were always outside. We’d always play outside with our neighbors, swing on our swingset, or run around our yard. On weekends, my dad would always drag my sister and me to scouting events since both he and my brother were involved. We would always go out on long hikes and bike rides or go to random summer camps. Sevenyear-old Ellie would dread these moments, but now I tend to catch myself wishing I’d cherished them more.

After I got a phone, I spent way less time outside than I used to. I think that is something that kids, or people as a whole, should work on. When I look back at my younger self and compare her to myself now, I can see how staying inside and scrolling on my phone has affected me. As everyone knows, social media contains a bunch of fake news, toxicity, and is a core reason why teenagers have such low self confidence. Growing up and getting outside is such a great way to clear your mind and get away from all of these things. As kids, we just didn’t care so deeply about things.

Looking back, what I wore, how messy my hair was, and what people thought about me never crossed my mind. As I grew up and got social media, I started to care- and care too much! I genuinely think that the innocence we had as kids should be something we carry along with us no matter how old we get.

As cliche as it sounds, getting outside and, quite literally, touching grass is such an excellent way to get back even a little bit of your childhood innocence. My point here is that I think that it is so important for young kids to spend the majority of their childhood outdoors. Social media and technology is addicting, and trust me, I can say confidently that I’ve experienced that firsthand. Your childhood should have memories that you can laugh at when you think back at them. When I look back at mine, I immediately think of memories I had outside. Not only is it fun to play outside as a kid, it actually has a lot of health benefits. By playing outside as a kid, you get a bunch of exercise without even trying.

Something I used to do with my neighbors was makeup dances and gymnastics routines. I know a lot of kids spend a lot of time on video games, which is fine, but as a kid I think it’s important to get exercise.

Getting able to experience different people and make new friends is also a huge benefit of getting outside. I remember that when I went to the park with my siblings, I always made new friends. I’ve heard a lot about kids having a hard time making friends and socializing, and I honestly think that it all circles back to technology. Listen, I’m not a technology hater. I use my phone just as much as any teenage girl, but I think for kids and everyone in the long run, it’s healthy to get

outside. You’re exposed to different kinds of people and people who have interests similar to yours. That’s why I think getting kids involved in sports is a great thing. It’s a great way to get outside while meeting people who have interests similar to yours.

Exposure to the world and nature around you is, of course, one of the most important reasons to get outdoors. Nature is refreshing and improves mental health. I think seeing different places and getting out of Green is so important. It’s essential for the children of Green to know that there is more out there to this world. Some of my fond memories are playing outside with my friends in the summer and going to the beach for a family vacation.

Not only will kids have fun in the moment, but they’ll remember those moments for years to come.

As much as you and I love hanging out inside and being on our phones, there is so much more to this world than TikTok and video games; kids need to go out and see it! Social media and technology can be used in remarkable ways, but it is a massive distraction from more important things in life, like memories that kids will treasure for the rest of their lives. I’m grateful that I was able to make so many great memories without a phone, and I think that all kids deserve to make them, too.

design by Mckenzie Collinsworth written by Mady Kerley

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SOCCER CHANGED MY LIFE

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here are many things that have affected me throughout my life over the past 15 years, such as family, friends, and TV shows. Yet the one thing that has affected my life the most has been the past 12 years of playing soccer.

One time when I was around three years old my mom took me to the park. It was then that I saw people playing soccer and it was then, at age 3, I told her I wanted to play. My mom bought me my first soccer ball shortly after that trip to the park. She then signed me up for my first soccer team experience at age 4. No one knew at that time that the next 12 years of my life would fully revolve around my love for soccer.

The past 12 years of playing soccer has definitely changed my life. My weekends, and most days of the week, have been devoted to practicing and/or playing soccer. The sport has taught me many things but three things especially stand out: sportsmanship, teamwork and hard work.

Playing soccer has made both positive and negative impacts in my life. The positives outweigh the negatives. I have made so many great friends and have met so many wonderful coaches and other adults. The time and effort that I have put into the sport has made me realize the importance of hardwork and dedication. If it wasn’t for soccer my work

ethic would probably be less than stellar. Also, all of my coaches I have played under have always required the best of me, no matter what the circumstances, whether it was at practice, games, or in the classroom.

I think that every athlete probably comes across at least one coach in their life that ruins the game for them. I had that coach like that in my pre-teen years. Physically he was a great coach who taught me better foot skills, how to get a better shot and how to make better passes. He could also be very funny when he was in a good mood. However, mentally, he was the worst coach I have ever had. He would sub me and my teammates out if we made one tiny mistake and scream at us about the error. Instead of using the mistake as a teaching moment, me and my teammates felt belittled and ashamed. I felt like quitting many times as I began to feel bad about myself and dislike the game. However, I stayed because I had made so many friends that I did not want to lose. My teammates kept me going and inspired me to keep playing and to find the desire to continue to play the game. I am so glad I did not quit because I would not be the person I am today.

Through soccer I have been able to travel to many different states and areas. I have been to New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Kentucky, and Colorado. In 2021 and 2022, my

club team competed in the top bracket of a regional league and qualified for Nationals in Denver, Colorado. We were the first girls team at my club to qualify for Nationals. It was such a wonderful and unique experience that I am truly grateful for.

I think that the biggest impact soccer has had on me was moving to Green. I have been playing Green soccer since I was 4 but I never went to green schools until my freshman year.

It was a huge decision for me to move schools after all those years but I’m glad I did because playing highschool soccer for the Bulldogs has resulted in me meeting some of my best friends and making the best memories.

This past fall was my sophomore season and I think that it will be my favorite season of high school soccer because we broke two records, we won the federal league for the first time and set the record for the best record of the season. The seniors this year were great team leaders and the memories made this year, I definitely will not forget.

Although soccer takes up a lot of my free time, I am so thankful to have started this sport so many years ago. I will continue to work hard and dedicate myself to the sport for years to come. I will continue to play for that little three year old who asked her mom for a soccer ball 12 years ago.

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design by Mckenzie Collinsworth written by Parker Green

COWGIRL PARKER

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Parker Green reviews Beyonce’s latest hit album, “Cowboy Carter”

f there’s one woman who could kill me and then raise me back to life, it’s Taylor Swift. But Beyonce is a close second. When Queen B announced she was releasing a country inspired album, I was admittedly a little skeptical. Still, I sacrifice my time for your enjoyment, so here’s a review of this spring’s hottest album. Spoiler alert: I would die for Cowboy Carter.

AMERIICAN REQUIEM Now this is BEYONCE! It has country influence, deep messages, calls out her haters and so much more. Plus, the backing music is just so cinematic. What a way to start. 5/5 cowboy hats.

16 CARRIAGES I could write a full essay on the cultural reset that was this song, but I’ll spare you the dramatics. It’s so eldest daughter core that whenever the song comes on, I black out and wake up a few hours later foaming at the mouth and dancing in a desert. While not having a lot of traditional lyricism or flow, Beyonce’s iconic voice sends me to a different plane of existence. 6/5 cowboy hats.

*For clarity’s sake, I will only be reviewing the full length songs, so the interludes SMOKE HOUR I, DOLLY P, SMOKE HOUR II, THE LINDA MARTELL SHOW, MY ROSE, and OH LOUISIANA will not be featured here

BLACKBIIRD Nothing could have prepared me for this song to be a cover of the Beatles “Blackbird”. In context, it makes sense- this album is heavily influenced by the 60’s, and the plight of Black American women admittedly inspired the original song -but still. Beyonce features other incredible black women here, and when their voices all layer it literally gives me the chills. Somehow simple yet complex, this song gets 4/5 cowboy hats.

PROTECTOR BEYONCE NEEDS TO STOP GIVING HER KIDS FEATURES IN SONGS WHEN THEY DON”T DO ANY ACTUAL SINGING!!! And yet, the song is good, with the mother/daughter dynamics that put me in my feels now that I am leaving for college. 4/5 cowboy hats.

TEXAS HOLD ‘EM

BODYGUARD

A classic earworm that lives in my head rent free. You know it, you love it. 5/5 cowboy hats

The vibes are funky and the beats are fresh! What a great reminder that this is a Beyonce Album, not a country one (her words not mine). At first I was like hmmm?, but now I’m like HMMMMMM. While I can’t relate, I think it’s a good song. If I were a jealous person, or had a boyfriend, I would blast it. 3.5/5 cowboy hats.

JOLENE OK DON”T HATE ME FOR THIS ONE! I love Jolene, I love Dolly Parton, and I love Beyonce. However, this song was weird for me.

She slayed the last part, where she talked about the valleys and mountains, but as for her actual message to Jolene, it seemed super… not very girls supporting girls? While often holding Jay-Z accountable for his infidelity, Beyonce seemed to forget in this song that it takes two to tango. Good song, weird message. 2/5 cowboy hats.

SPAGHETTII

DAUGHTER We love any country song that’s actually about women murdering people. It’s got tension, heavy religious overtures, and Beyonce performing Caro Mio Ben in an alto register. This song also makes me realize how much beef Beyonce has with her father (why is she constantly dragging him throughout the whole album?). Anyways! It’s a cute song with a good twist, 4/5 cowboy hats.

ALLIIGATOR TEARS

This one was so fun. It’s definitely less country than some of her others, but it has a heavy rap influence that fits the Western theme/dynamic so well. I feel like this would go hard on an edit by one of those Instagrammers with too much time on their hands. 3.5/5 cowboy hats.

It’s a much needed change up after the murder vibes of “DAUGHTER” and the less-country vibes of “SPAGHETII”. Still, this middle section is probably the roughest part of her album, with a lot of songs that I would skip if I was on aux. 3/5 cowboy hats.

II MOST WANTED

LEVII’S JEANS

This is a lot of people’s favorite, but I just don’t like Miley Cyrus’s music. She’s a doll in real life, but her singing makes me want to never hear again. Sorry. This is the worst collaboration on the album, and I’m not ashamed to say it. 2/5 cowboy hats.

Ok, Post Malone! He is killing this country thing. This song is definitely a bit “bro country” if bro country was actually good and yassified. I love how Beyonce really runs the gambit with resistance songs, love, murder, and sex: you are definitely never bored. I might actually give Mr. Malone’s country album a listen after this. 4/5 cowboy hats.

AMEN

I love albums that have a larger story to tell, and Cowboy Carter is just that. The connections between “AMEN” and “AMERIICAN REQUIEM” really pack that final punch, and seal the deal. Is it the best song on the album? Not even close. But it is the perfect way to end the album. 4/5 cowboy hats.