Raising
GET IT I LIFESTYLE
good men
Raising children is never easy, but when it comes to raising boys, knowing how to instill the right values can be particularly challenging, especially in a society that often discourages openness and vulnerability in men. Doctor and psychiatry resident, Dr Kieran Kennedy, spoke with Get it Editor, Nicole Madigan, about why boys must be encouraged to live a life of openness and empathy to help them grow into caring, confident and responsible men.
they’re also far less likely to reach out for help or treatment.
Toxic masculinity is an increasingly common, modern day term used to describe the pressures, stereotypes and cultural norms attached to masculinity and manhood that have the potential to negatively impact - even harm - our communities.
“Walking the talk is a good phrase to keep in mind here, and so fathers, brothers and men within the family being able to express emotion, show vulnerability, and not be afraid to show weakness naturally influences the messages about masculinity that young boys end up taking in.
But according to Dr Kennedy, it’s a term we, as a society, need to push back on.
“Mothers too have an important role to play – by letting boys and young men know it’s safe and still masculine to open up, share feelings and be vulnerable means they’re more likely to do so. “
“It brings with it a pejorative and sense of shame when it comes to masculinity,” says Dr Kennedy.
“A big part of this is the stigma that remains around men showing emotion.” While things are starting to change for the better, Dr Kennedy says there’s still a long way to go, and the solution starts with parents.
“And research shows that identifying positive aspects of manhood is a better approach.
Other tips include: •
Being open and honest about feelings, and upfront when you’re struggling so young men learn it’s safe to do the same.
•
Avoiding phrases like ‘boys don’t cry’, which can deliver subtle messages about what a man should be.
•
Encouraging young boys to describe what they’re feeling and why.
•
As boys grow, having direct and open discussions about challenging outdated views of masculinity.
“It takes a community, and society as a whole, to start changing the ingrained messages about what masculinity is or isn’t.” “Being the change we wish to see really does make a huge difference in psychology and mental development.”
Dr Kieran Kennedy
“We definitely shouldn’t risk making boys and men feel that masculinity and manhood are somehow toxic or shameful.” The real issue is the toxic traits themselves, characteristics that are often developed early in life. “While there are some genetic and biological differences that influence how men and women think, feel and act, the bigger factor is when culture and society subtly influence young men to fall within expected and accepted ways of showing and having masculinity. The biggest contributor, says Dr Kennedy, is the way society directly and indirectly dictates what masculinity means. “Research shows that men are less likely to admit to struggling or suffering from a mental illness compared to women, and
15
GET IT May 2021