carpet,” Row says. Porn also doesn’t show the safety measures and the preparation that goes into sex, in all the different forms, Row says. “Condoms are often not used in porn and teenagers need to know that they have to roll one on every time,” she says. Row also says they need to know that just because they see it online or read it in books, like 50 Shades of Grey, doesn’t mean that’s expected of them. “All the erotica, movies and online porn is dressed up as a bit of a smorgasbord and implies this is to be expected,” Row says. “If they are taught to have the confidence to respect themselves and then understand the consent and the boundaries of other people around them from a young age, they’re going to be a lot better off.”
Doesn't matter, let's do this!
conversations, they really should be happening from 10, 11 and 12. “Kids are watching porn from a young age so if parents are waiting until 14 or 15 to start talking to them, they’ve missed the boat by years,” Row says. PORNOGRAPHY While it most likely wasn’t part of the discussion your parents had with you, pornography is definitely something that needs to be talked about. “There are a lot of people in denial that their children look at this material and there’s a lot of unwillingness to accept it,” Row says. “A lot of parents have put structures in place, they might have rules that mobile phones are switched off at 9pm or that they don’t go in the bedrooms, but the majority of online sex material is actually viewed outside of the family home and it’s on mobile devices.” Row says it’s also important to explain the difference between online porn and actual sex. “Make it clear that it’s highly stylised and it’s often very polished body types. Explain to them that it’s the same difference as slopping around the house in your tracksuit pants versus walking down the red
SEXTING Sexting, for those who don’t know, is sending sexy pictures and sexual messages. This can be via text messaging, Facebook messaging or the ever popular Snapchat. Row says this is a vital topic as many young girls are pressured into swapping ‘nudes’ (naked images of themselves), and many young boys are very willing to send unsolicited genital pictures. “Legislation is changing but there are still a mountain of kids out there that could go up on child porn offences and end up on the sex offenders register for life if they’re swapping nudes around whether they’re creating it or obtaining it,” Row says. “Parents need to actively discourage sexting between teenagers as much as they possibly can and be really clear that it’s completely illegal.” CONTRACEPTION AND STIs While these two factors have always been important in the birds and the bee’s discussion, they are just as relevant as ever. Dr Burgess says the most popular contraception young women are using these days is the combined pill. There’s a lot of misinformation out there online so it’s important to give your children informed advice and also take them to see a doctor should they be considering contraception. A recent concerning addition to the contraceptive landscape is an app that measures your temperature and tells you where in your natural cycle you can have sex without getting pregnant. And the kit that is being marketed to young women on social media can be ordered online with no consultation needed. So what does a doctor think of it? “I would definitely advise against that method as it has a high failure rate,” Dr Burgess says. “It’s very irresponsible. Just because you can buy it, sell it or make an app out of it doesn’t mean it’s a legitimately sound piece of advice.” Dr Burgess also says there’s many 13
younger women asking for non-hormonal and more natural contraceptives these days and there are many scientifically backed contraceptives that meet these needs, like a one size fits all diaphragm and copper IUCDs. “The other important thing too is the continued use of condoms to prevent against STIs (sexually transmitted infections). The contraceptive will help against unwanted pregnancies and the condoms help protect against STIs, and there’s certainly a lot of STIs on the coast.” Common ones Dr Burgess sees are chlamydia and herpes and then after that some less contagious things like atypical bacteria. She recommends STI testing with any new partners. HAVING THE TALK Row says it’s important to not have one talk but lots of conversations frequently. “Don’t sit down and have one great big talk at a set magical age. It’s actually more about having heaps and heaps of regular conversations,” Row says. Another important thing is to put aside all judgement. “Parents need to not judge them for the questions they are asking. Keep the communication open and don’t make them feel like they have to start hiding things,” she says. “No matter how scary the conversations might be, parents need to be the adults, suck it up and deal with their own personal yucky feelings. They also needs to listen. Really, really listen to what their kids are saying.” One last thing Row encourages is to open up relationships with their teenagers and other people like a god parent, an aunt or slightly older cousin, someone that they know and trust. “It takes a village to raise a child and that’s never been truer. Let the person know that they have your blessing to talk to your teenager about anything, go nuts!” July 2017