DRIVE
WE WERE FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL, BUT WE LOST TRACK OF EACH OTHER
MAYBE SIX YEARS AGO.
“Last night I had a dream about death — not my death, but someone else’s; a person I went to high school with that died a little young. It's a little weird for me. I mean, there have been deaths in the family before, they were mostly older people. This is the first time a younger death affected me the way it did. I'm not sure why it did. We were friends in high school but we lost track of each other maybe six years ago. I hadn't heard from her. Apparently, she had gotten into drugs, but the family never said how she died, so I don't want to speculate.¶I guess the weird thing for me was not that it made feel like I wasn't invincible any more, or something like that, but that something so bad could happen to someone that I remember as a very kind and gentle person. I don't know if it was an outside force or self inflicted but all of a sudden she was gone. And the way I found out was also totally bizarre. I mean thank God for the internet, right, but to find out that a friend of yours from high school died through an instant message was kind of ironic, if not kind of sad.¶ The funeral was weird. I left class early to go. It was almost like a high school reunion but no one was happy. I
sat in the back by myself I didn't feel it was right to sit next to someone. I thought it would be a bit disrespectful, considering that I had lost contact with her. I was afraid that I had lost contact with her emotionally too and that maybe I wouldn't have the same feelings that I would have if someone closer to me passed on. But, I was wrong. It was a pretty emotional experience for me, I didn't breakdown and cry at the funeral but it definitely effected me. I realized that I almost didn't believe that she was gone because she hadn't had that much of a part in my life in the past few years. It was weird.¶ After the funeral took place, a lot of the people I hadn't seen in a while, that I still liked from high school, came up to me and we chatted a little bit, and the air was obviously pretty sad, so we didn't really talk that much. There was a wake planed for a month afterwards. I think people realized that we had lost touch with each other. I had planed to go, but I didn't end up going but in the interim I ended up talking to a lot of people. It made me think that it took something so tragic to rekindle old friendships. It says a lot about how strange we can be. It isn't until we lose someone that we care about making sure we don't lose others. We lost touch soon after. Its as if once we made sure that the other people were staying put that we cared about, that we stopped caring enough to make sure that we would stay friends. I guess the reason we fell out in
I THINK PEOPLE REALIZED THAT WE HAD LOST TOUCH WITH EACH OTHER.
SOME PART OF YOU, EVEN IF ITS A SMALL PART OF YOU, CARES.
the first place is we went our separate ways.¶ When I went to Israel a lot of those people went directly to college, which is a little weird for kids out of a religious Jewish school. Generally, we spend a year in Israel, maybe two; I spent two. I guess they kind of lost the faith. That was actually something a lot of people brought up about my friend. She was the first person who kind of didn't care about the religion, or maybe, didn't respect it? She seemed to care. Its hard to say you don't care when you are going to a Jewish school. Some part of you, even if its a small part of you, cares. I mean, I am positive there are days that I don't care, but there are other days where it is the most important thing in the world to me.¶ She used to do crazy stuff on the sabbath, when your not supposed to do anything work related. I remember this one time she took some hair spray and sprayed it on her sidewalk and lit it on fire. I remember it being the most mind boggling thing ever. One because the sidewalk was on fire and two because it was the Sabbath. Here I was a kid that was unsure of whether or not a light would actually turn on the Sabbath, because its God's day then why, would anything work, that he didn't want to work, on the Sabbath? Its silly, but its cute to think that I thought that. She did that kind of stuff.¶ Apparently, it was a common thing. They would sneak out of their house, my friend who passed away, and a couple other girls, and go to
IF YOU’RE NOT TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE THEN NOTHING YOU DO WILL BE TRUE.
random house parties that they weren't necessarily invited to but kind of knew they could get away with going to them. Here they were, like 15 years old, going to parties for seniors in high school, trying to act cool and bad ass but clearly kind of stood out as quite the opposite. They were doing this on the sabbath, which isn't necessarily wrong but not exactly the best thing ever. It was just funny.¶ The whole friends thing is weird. Its hard to lose a friend. Its hard to lose anybody, even not a friend. I don't know what happened, but I hope she found a happier place or at least a place were she can fit in better. That was the thing she taught me, you don't have to fit in, be yourself. She showed me that I'd never really fit in and really shouldn't bother me. What's the point of fitting in if you cant be yourself. It's important to me to be true to who I am. If you're not true to who you are then nothing you do will be true. Nothing you make will feel true. Things will just fall apart because they are lies. That’s not good, to put it plainly, its a really big problem.¶ At some point I accepted the fact that I wasn't going to be like the other kids. Being a kid that was really into art, at the time, in my high school, was probably the weirdest thing ever. Every kid there wanted to be a doctor, lawyer, accountant, businessman, or investment banker; your typical Jewish nonsense jobs. Here I was some kid who like to hang out in the art classroom. I
tried to take two periods of art and got into a really big argument with all the teachers because of it and ended up taking a free period instead which I spent in the art room. They tried to pull me out, but what could they do? Its my free period, so I had two periods of art whether they wanted it or not. That really ticked them off. I didn't care, because all I wanted to do was paint. That’s all I did. That didn't make sense to any of my teachers, they wanted to know what was wrong with me. Kids thought I was gay because I liked art. It was ridiculous the kind of reaction they had in the school.¶ All of a sudden three years after I leave, this huge sum of money was donated to the school for the purpose of visual art. Suddenly, art became normal. I guess you have to break some ground to show people that you are serious before things like that can come together. She proved to me, through her crazy style of dress and her weird music that it was okay to be different, that being different was important, and that being true to yourself was even more important.¶ Here I am at art school and its the complete opposite, I'm an art kid like everyone else, but I'm Jewish. That separates me from other people. I can't go to parties like everyone else because they conflict with religious things. I can't eat at the restaurants my friends can eat at. These are things I never dealt with growing up as a Jewish kid at a Jewish school. We all went to the same restaurants,
I DIDN’T CARE, BECAUSE ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS PAINT.
HERE IT’S THE TOTAL OPPOSITE, BUT I’M OKAY WITH THAT.
NOT ONLY WOULD THEY PUT US UP, THEY WOULD FEED US.
and we all went to the same parties because they didn't conflict with anything. Here its the total opposite, but I’m okay with that.¶ I spent two years in Israel after high school and built up a reason for my faith and got a chance to understand my faith. Now that I'm in college and its the complete opposite, it hasn't bothered me, it hasn't affected me. I really like that, and I owe part of that to her. It's hard. It's really hard. Any religious person will tell you, there are days it sucks to be whatever you are, because I really wanted to go to that event, eat at that restaurant, or hang out with that person. Suck it up, and move along. If there is a higher power, and this is what he's told me to do then I'm doing the right thing, even if it doesn't always feel like it.¶ Being Jewish has a lot of advantages. I was talking to Cody last night and I told him if we were to go to Switzerland liked we've planned after schools over, all I'd need to do is call up whoever is in charge of the Jewish community there in like Zurich or something and we'd have a place to stay. That kind of blew his mind, that strangers would put up strangers for no other reason then we're Jewish. Not only would they put us up, they would feed us. Its like free hotels where ever there are Jews. That's part of the whole Jewish hospitality thing. Its funny like that but, that’s the way we are. Its important I think; its a foundation of Judaism. It's not like we would abuse that privilege. We prob-
IN SOME WAYS I’M THINKING MORE BECAUSE OF IT.
ably wouldn't ask for any assistance other then maybe on the Sabbath. If we were there for maybe a couple weeks, two days out of the trip we'd impose on someone; that’s not terrible I think.¶ Ha, I'm planning out something and I don’t even know if its going to happen. Its kinda funny how we do that. We get so excited about something and start planing it out in our head and when it falls through, even though it never started, you really feel it. Its like, 'Man I really wanted to do that. I was going to do this and do that and now nothing is going to happen.' It didn’t even get to the point where we were seriously looking. It could be like, 'Oh no, I found a job got to start after school, can't do it.' You know, that kind of crap. Its all funny anyhow.¶ Its weird not listening to music as I'm driving. In some ways I'm thinking more because of it. I don't know.¶ My first CD was Beach Boys Greatest hits, that’s not so bad, there was some other stuff that was even worse. I guess as I got older my musical tastes started to change from trendy rock stuff that you might hear on DC101 or HFS, back in the day, before it turned into El Zol, to more of who I am.¶ I go through musical phases. For half a year I listened to only Underground Hip Hop, so I have like 10 CDs of that. Then I got into Indie Rock, so I have like 10 other CDs of that, and last year I was really into Metal. So I have a bunch of, Sludge Metal, Death Metal and Black Metal CDs. Now, I’m back into like, I don’t
even know what to call it...its kind of Indie but not really. Its Shoe Gazer music? That stuff is awesome.¶ Its just like one giant musical tidal wave of sound to the face, or ears. Yeah ears. Its a good thing to listen to. Its more entertaining then some of the other things. I think I've picked up this music should be like a tidal wave thing from Metal though. I hadn't really thought of that; that my progressions have to do with what I listen to before it. That I take the elements of the music I like, and kind of mature musically. Metal has complex time signatures, and things like that. Maybe its not only Shoe Gazing that I'm listening to but anything with a complex time signature or with an interesting sound value. The Metal music really has that but some of its hard to listen to just because its so grinding. There are still bands I listen to on a regular basis, like Isis or Mare. I can't necessarily listen to Don the Reader everyday or, what's it called, um, The Dillinger Escape Plan, they can be a little harsh on the ears. I mean I could listen to Mastodon everyday. Its pretty epic music. Its like, awesome, there's no other way to describe it. Id be wasting my time trying to, I think. You just have to listen to it to understand.¶ I think music definitely says a lot about a person. I think listening to a lot of different types of music is like learning about different cultures. It says that you are more refined. Where as, I'd say, that if you listen to only
one genre of music, or only listen to what's on the radio is less cultured; less interesting maybe. Not to say that I'm more cultured or more interesting. It's just in general I have found that the people who listen to more music are more interesting, more fun. I feel that someone who just listens to Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, stuff like that, I don’t know — some of it might be musically redeemable; some if it, maybe. If you are force fed music crap, there's nothing special about it maybe. It’s just boring.¶ I don't think I ever wanted to play music. That’s the natural progression, you get into music and you want to play an instrument, Right? I did try classical guitar, of all things, why I chose classical guitar...I was never into classical music. I don't even know why I tried classical guitar of all things. Maybe I just liked the way it sounded or whatever. I gave that up within four weeks. It just was getting in the way of school. I would practice three hours a night when I came home from school. I wouldn't do my homework. I became obsessed you could say. I think that says a lot about my personality in general.¶ I get obsessed with things. I can't stop doing them until the point where I'm good enough that I just don't care about it anymore. I just get burnt out and that’s that. It no longer means anything to me and I'm done. That’s the way it was with stencils. I stenciled for over a year. I can cut a wicked ass stencil any day, but I don't really care
I THINK THAT SAYS A LOT ABOUT MY PERSONALITY IN GENERAL.
I DON’T THINK YOU ARE REALLY GOING TO ENJOY THE ARTS LIFE.
about making them anymore. I wouldn't really bother to do it unless I needed to for a project. That’s what my problem was at Montgomery College.¶ Every single semester I was trying a new thing until I found something that wasn't just a trend for me. I came into the college as an Interior Design and Architecture major at the same time. I dropped that, and became a Jewelry major, and then a Painting major. My advisor Professor Farrell said, 'I don't think you are really going to enjoy the Arts life. You should try Graphic Design.' At the time I wasn't so enthusiastic about it. I thought, 'I don't really know what that is but, I don't really want to do it.' Somehow he convinced me to try it out. He said, 'You're good with computers, its a lot of computer work, and its fun.' Its like, 'art that pays', was the way he described it. I thought that was a great line. I still use when describing Graphic Design to non-art people. That’s kind of how I feel about it. It is like art that pays. Sometimes I get frustrated with it because its not art anymore, its just technical. I mean, technical is okay, you have to learn technique to be able to paint. You know, like, how to mix colors properly, or line up text properly. It’s important to know so you can make an artistic statement with your work. The technical side never really should have bothered me.¶ So I tried it, and one semester went by, and surprisingly at the end I still liked it. As opposed to the class-
es were I virulently hated it afterwards. Except for painting, I didn't really like my teacher for painting, but that’s another story.¶ I had been accepted to the Corcoran out of high school for photojournalism. It was kind of where I always wanted to go. I had asked my art teacher in high school where I should go for school and she said, 'I think you would be good at the Corcoran.' It's the same thing I did for Israel actually. I asked a Rabbi where he thought I should go, he said I should go to HaKotel. I never asked why. I just said, 'Okay.' It was somebody I trusted in both cases. If I trust them, that means they know me, and if they know me, then they know what's best for me. Call it divine intervention or what have you, but both places I went, (HaKotel turned into Netiv Aryeh, but I went for Rav Bina, so it was the same thing) they worked out for me. Or its working out for me in the case of the Corcoran.¶ So, I called up the Corcoran to find out what it would take to transfer in as a Sophomore instead of a Freshman. I was behind by thier standards. I spent the next semester learning Photoshop, and fell in love with it. While I was at MC someone said they might have a job for me in Graphic Design. I thought that would be pretty sweet. I went to the job interview...it was...It was pretty funny. Randy, one of my co-workers, (now, not at the time) opened up the door. He's maybe 6'1", heavy set — he's a funny guy. So he opened up the door, and he's like,
I SPENT THE NEXT SEMESTER LEARNING PHOTOSHOP AND FELL IN LOVE WITH IT.
BY ALL MEANS THERE WAS NO WAY I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT JOB.
'Hello!' I'm like, 'Hi.' I got really distracted because he's wearing a Threadless t-shirt, and I was sure this was the kind of place where I was going to have to wear a suit everyday. Here's a guy wearing a Threadless t-shirt, and a funny one, obviously one that I recognized. So he was like, 'Hello?' and I was like, 'Hi...I'm here to see..' I forgot Jim's name! So I said, '...your Graphic Designer...' He said, 'Oh okay' Jim pops out and he said, 'Hey! I'm Jim.' I knew this place, if I worked there, was going to take a while to get used to.¶ Jim sat down and looked at my art portfolio. I didn't really have a Graphic Design portfolio, just some work on a flash drive which he looked at as well. By all means there was no way I should have gotten that job. I told him that, I said, 'I don't think I'm qualified for this job.' I don't know what it is about me that make me say those kind of things but I don't want to walk into a place where people expect one thing, and don't get what they want and they hold it against me, whereas it isn't necessarily my fault because they're the ones who gave me the job, right? They were the one who felt that I was the right person for the job. He gave me the job and the first day I was doing something in Illustrator which wasn't a program I was that good in, he had asked me if I knew Illustrator and I said, 'Yeah pretty well.' So I was kind of fudging it and learning it at the same time. I guess that’s bad, but I did want the
job, at the same rate I didn't want to mislead him so I only asked the questions I needed to ask. Eventually I got there. I got where I needed to be.¶ I owe him a lot. I owe him an unbelievable amount. I entered the Corcoran with a whole summers worth of Graphic Design experience, whereas most of the other students had little or none. I don't know if it gave me a leg up or anything but it gave me a little ego which I had to put in check. I think I've gotten better in my work, Jim's noticed that too so that’s important. Hopefully, things will work out.”
