AWA K E N I N G
GENERASIAN
FALL 2020
LETTER
EXECUTIVE STAFF
Co-Presidents Morgan Kuin Cheryl Man Editors-in-Chief Kathy Park Chanel Pulido Secretary Naomi Chou Treasurer Chelsea Kwak Public Relations Chair Chelsea Li Art Editors Evonne Lao Cindy Qiang Blog Editors Candice Chiang Phoebe Chuang Media Editors Kelly Sheng Joseph Lee Marva Shi Layout Editor Thea Wang Deputy Layout Editor Marva Shi
FROM THE EDITORS Dear Readers, Welcome to the Fall 2020 issue of the Generasian Magazine. The circumstances of this year have undoubtedly impacted each and every one of us in unexpected, and often challenging ways. In the midst of navigating a global pandemic, we have had to adjust to new modes of learning, interacting, and living. The making of this semester’s magazine was not an exception – our writers and artists second digital-only launch. However, the physical distance between us has not diminished our spirit. The unprecedented events of 2020 have prompted us to examine ourselves and the world that surrounds us in newly rigorous and conscious ways. Under the thematic umbrella of “Awakening,” defined as “an act or moment of becoming suddenly aware
cover art
2
letter from the editors
4
Evonne Lao
and staff/credits
recent experiences have facilitated a shift in their perspectives and shaped their engagement with the Asian American discourse. The recent months have been overwhelming to say the least. Yet, we hope that in
6
18 20
seasons Ting Shing Koh
mirrors Claudia Shao
works that embody the crucial role storytelling plays in getting through difficult times. Thank you for your continued readership. We wish you safety and good health. Enjoy!
P E R S O N A L E S SAYS
22
9 10
25
masks off
artwork
28
artwork
the asian american revolution on fashion
30
being a banana: the asian american dilemma
the past and present of “techno-orientalism”
Jikai Zheng
Victoria Maung
13 Kathy Park
artwork Alex Gutierrez
Chanel Pulido
P O LI T I C S A N D C U R R E N T E V E N T S
cover art: awakening (2020) Evonne Lao Graphite and acrylic on paper The flower is an indication of life and growth of human. This year has been an extraordinary and extra-difficult one for many of us for many reasons. I hope this piece conveys a message that encourages people to express oneself, to show oneself’s true color, and to be awakened by the events happening around us. We are in the midst of darkness, but what we brought with us and what we will bring to the world are not buried. They will transform to bright colors that lead the way.
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surviving the south: from pwi to nyu Annie Jewel Kong
Naomi Chou
reading this issue you find moments that spark joy, solace, and even ones that ignite an awakening of some sort in yourself. We are proud to present these honest and heartfelt
presenting culture on a plate during quarantine Nene Hamada
of something,” our contributors have demonstrated through their pieces how these
CONTRIBUTORS
Artists Alex Gutierrez Claudia Shao Sophie Xu Luc Yokoi Jikai Zheng
1
H I S TO RY A N D CO N T E MP O R A RY C U LT U R E
Your Editors
Layout Kunga Divie Alex Gutierrez Victoria Ng Marva Shi Thea Wang Alicia Zhu
P O E T RY
have contributed remotely from different parts of the world, and this issue marks our
Sincerely,
Writers Naomi Chou Amy Dai Nene Hamada Ting Shing Koh Annie Jewel Kong Emily Lin Michael Lo LeAnn Mai Victoria Maung Chris Tenzin
CONTENTS
14
an honest letter
16
the hong kong way of defeating a virus
Emily Lin
Michael Lo
READ THIS ISSUE ONLINE: issuu.com/generasian
Amy Dai
Sophie Xu
Chris Tenzin
32
acts of love
34
artwork
36
blog highlight
39
media highlight
40
meet the eboard
LeAnn Mai
Luc Yokoi
Disclaimer: 2 Letter from the Editors
This publication is published by students at New York University and NYU is not responsible for its contents.
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Table of Contents 3
Image courtesy of SnapDish Recipe and Food.
videos of photogenic food
shaped Totoro using the soba
resembling popular characters
noodles and seaweed pieces,
like Totoro from My Neighbor
while on others, I challenged
Totoro went viral. However,
myself to make a cute soba
Kawaii2 character lunch boxes
seal. The satisfaction of
have long been a part of Japanese
producing these kawaii
culture as a way of turning a
dishes would bring me back
boring old lunch box into a fancy
to the kitchen day after day.
meal that children can have
In fact, I ended up spending
at school. Growing up, I was
most of my quarantine
told that crafting animals and
days learning how to make
characters out of ingredients
traditional Japanese cuisine
like cheese and seaweed is a way
from scratch as well as how
for mothers to communicate
to make the dishes look
their love for their children
artistic and cute.
through food. With the extra
experience to learn about
quarantine, this heartwarming
your culture through
food culture turned out to be the
cooking. Food has played
perfect activity to bring families
a large role in my own
together. The Washoku and cute
quarantine experience; it
food culture trends brought
has prompted me to learn
smiles to people’s faces across
more about my culture and
Japan as the pandemic forced a
has provided me a sense of
new normal upon us.
routine. Faced with the culminating desire
Like many other bored Image courtesy of Moshi Moshi Nippon.
PRESENTING CULTURE ON A PLATE DURING QUARANTINE By: Nene Hamada
A clear light brown broth, a mountain
It is an eye-opening
time people had to spend during
to go out and eat good Japanese food, the
individuals, I decided to follow
pandemic has made me realize how truly
the cooking trend over the
important Japanese cuisine is in my life. Not
summer and teach myself how
only is Washoku my go-to food when I am
to make traditional Japanese cuisine. On a
missing home at college but it is something I
typical day in quarantine, I would start my
Food has played a large role in my own quarantine experience; it has prompted me to learn more about my culture and has provided me a sense of routine.
day before the rest of the city woke up with an early morning shopping spree for my favorite foods. Prior to lunchtime, I would head to the downstairs kitchen – the place
zoom calls, making TikTok videos, salvaging
mirin, miso, wasabi, sushi, and soba just to
that reminds me of my grandmother, whose
of freshly boiled noodles, a few cuts of beef,
and reading a book from the back of a tall
name a few. The increasing awareness of the
cooking had a large impact on my liking of
fresh green onions on top—my summer
shelf, and polishing every corner of the house
relationship between COVID-19 and obesity
Japanese cuisine. I would pull out the pots
2020 was spent perfecting each element of
possible. Busying oneself is the ultimate goal
has resulted in growing acclaim for the well
and dishes I remember seeing millions of
this Instagrammable, beautiful bowl of udon
when one is stuck at home but amidst a global
balanced, healthy, and aesthetic Washoku
times from my childhood when I used to help
grew up with, something that is inseparable
while in quarantine. Around the world, people
pandemic, cooking might be more than your
meals in Japan.
my grandmother cook, and proceed to make
from who I am. Undeniably, the one piece of
found innovative ways to occupy their time
typical activity to kill time.
that perfect plate of soba. First, I would boil
home we take with us wherever we go is the
a pot of bonito flakes and dry seaweed, then
food we grew up eating. Over quarantine,
Bio: Nene Hamada is a sophomore from Tokyo, Japan. She
pop a thermometer into the boiling water to
cooking has become more than just an
majors in Media, Culture, and Communication at NYU
monitor the temperature so that it does not
activity to kill time; it has become a way to
exceed 70 degrees celsius—the temperature
learn more about the culinary cultures that
that brings out the best flavor, umami. After
are unique to the country I was born and
mixing the soy sauce and mirin to finish
raised in. No matter how much I crave the
up the broth, I would quickly boil the soba
occasional pizza, mac and cheese, or fries,
noodles and ready the finishing touches of
at the end of the day, I will always crave a
during quarantine—playing games over
Japanese culinary techniques and cultural foods are regularly praised for their complex flavors, health benefits, aesthetic presentation, and use of seasonal ingredients.
Japanese food, called Washoku in Japanese, has been listed as an Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity by UNESCO since 2013 alongside its spiking global popularity in the last few decades.1 Japanese culinary techniques and cultural foods are
Japanese cute culture in cooking regained popularity as the coronavirus forced people to engage in athome activities.
regularly praised for their complex flavors, health benefits, aesthetic presentation, and
In fact, in the realm of aesthetics,
Image courtesy of Cookpad.
Steinhardt.
use of seasonal ingredients. The arrival of
Japanese cute culture in cooking regained
green onion and seaweed. On some days,
good plate of Japanese noodles, especially if it
Washoku in the international scene is evident
popularity as the coronavirus forced people
I spread the green onions on the plate and
comes in the form of a cute character.
with Japanese culinary terms now making
to engage in at-home activities. On social
the list in English dictionaries: umami, dashi,
media such as YouTube and TikTok, cooking
2 The Japanese word for “cute.”
1 “Washoku, Traditional Dietary Cultures of the Japanese, Notably for the Celebration of New Year.” Intangible Cultural Heritage, UNESCO.
4 History and Contemporary Culture
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Presenting Culture on a Plate During Quarantine 5
THE PAST AND PRESENT OF
“TECHNOORIENTALISM” By: Naomi Chou Cyberpunk is loosely defined as science fiction that juxtaposes “high-tech and low life,” featuring futuristic technology alongside characters who are criminals, vigilantes, or otherwise outsiders to a dystopian society. As a subgenre that was inaugurated, popularized, and legitimized during the 1980s-2000s in response to the Space Race-era’s modernist science fiction, cyberpunk challenged the assumption that technology will usher in a peaceful and enlightened utopia. As “punk” suggests, it has a gritty, subversive feeling, eschewing the sleek, minimalist visual tropes of typical science fiction. Nowadays, cyberpunk appears in a variety of books, films, shows, video games, and art—some current examples include TV series Altered Carbon (2018-2020) and the novel The Windup Girl (2009). In retrospect, though, the use of Asian aesthetics to create a distinctive, recognizable atmosphere can be attributed to early cyberpunk works like William Gibson’s Neuromancer, which was published in 1984.1 By “Asian aesthetics,”
The opening sequence from Blade Runner (1982) in 2019 Los Angeles. The atmosphere strongly references Japanese imagery, although it is not set in Japan. (Image via Wikipedia)
it is meant that there are visual elements of Asian art and cityscapes, Asian figures, and real or fictional Asian locations, but Asian authorship or Asian voices do not necessarily inform the plot. 2 Neuromancer takes place in a fictional version of a Japanese metropolis, a setting that has become instantly recognizable, even cliché, as the dark and crowded city in the rain lit up by neon signs in an Asian language. Blade Runner, a film from 1982 and the most well-known Philip K. Dick adaptation, has in its opening scene protagonist Deckard ordering noodles from a Japanesespeaking vendor while videos of geisha loop on giant LED billboards. Yet it never explicitly relates to or references Japan at all; there are no particular reasons besides the “atmosphere” that a movie with white characters, white actors, white writers and directors, and some rather Christian themes should include this. In her book Cybertypes, Lisa Nakamura also cites The Matrix (1999), which is also Christian-ish yet features “sensei” figure Morpheus,
Nonetheless, the depiction of Asia and Asians in media of all genres is incredibly racialized, and that’s because the “technoorientalism”—this particular high-tech flavor of aesthetic alongside orientalism— in fiction is pretty much identical to the techno-orientalism of real life. Despite the futuristic feel, techno-orientalism does not contradict the premise of regular orientalism, where the “East” is seen as backwards and overly traditional. Rather, the relationship between “Eastern” societies and technology is painted as dysfunctional, and the dystopian elements of the cyberpunk setting serve as criticisms of Asian culture and society—criticisms that are very familiar, and pertinent to the past and present. Fears of the Japanese auto industry, for example, are very old and certainly predate contemporary Western science fiction. So does the very racist movie Fu Manchu (1932), in which a caricatured Chinese villain plots to take over the world through the power of stolen artifacts.6 These are early examples of techno-orientalism, because technoorientalism fundamentally is a derisive view of Asia and Asian people’s relationship to technology, one that centers Western society, technology, and thought. The prominence of Japan in early cyberpunk is particularly significant. Famous cyberpunk works all similarly depict samurai, yakuza, geisha, ninja, and sensei for apparently livttle more than an aesthetic effect. William Gibson, of the genre trope wherein “Japan is the global imagination’s default setting for the future” that he helped establish, says Japan “delights, disturbs and fascinates us today” as “a mirror world, an alien planet we can actually do business with, a future.” 7 “Japanese people “live in the future, but neither yours nor mine, and somehow make it seem either interesting or comical or really interestingly dreadful.” So “why Japan?” can be partially answered with the visually stimulating exoticism of The East, which isn’t realized without a significant dose of othering. (Often, cyberpunk’s 5
How did peripheral Asian-ness come to signify a dystopian tech future as much as robot cops and cyberspace do? and Snow Crash (1992), whose protagonist carries swords and wears a kimono, as examples of seminal cyberpunk where the Japanese-ness is aesthetic and not even particularly futuristic.3 How did peripheral Asian-ness come to signify a dystopian tech future as much as robot cops and cyberspace do? Many cyberpunk technologies like cyborgs, androids, simulations, body modification, and digitized consciousness seemed, by surpassing geographic boundaries and the physical body, like they transcended the concept of “race.” 4 (Nakamura also considers the multiracial protagonists of The Matrix and Snow Crash as subversions of strict racial boundaries).
1 Nakamura, Lisa. (2002) “Race in the Construct and Construction of Race” in “Cybertypes: Race, Ethnicity, and Identity on the Internet.” Taylor & Francis. 62.
Famous cyberpunk works all similarly depict samurai, yakuza, geisha, ninja, and sensei for apparently little more than an aesthetic effect. villains are Japanese-style conglomerates, but this doesn’t necessarily make the genre anti-capitalist. It just posits a lone heroic individual representing Western liberal humanism against a faceless, homogenous Asian organization).8 However, cyberpunk from the 80s and 90s also embodied an anxiety about Japan’s rising prominence in the global economy. The expanding electronics industry meant Japan could lead the world in tech, and the threat of an upended world order inspired authors imagining an intriguingly, terrifyingly Japanese-dominated future. But while Japan competed with the US in innovation, China came to compete with
the US in production, and this maps onto a shift in pop culture techno-orientalism when, in the 90s, American anxiety about China’s manufacturing power gave cyberpunk another country to fixate on.9 As an example, in The Diamond Age (1995), the sequel to Snow Crash, in a rather Fu Manchu-like plot, a future Chinese kingdom with goals of world domination searches for a technological innovation that they themselves cannot invent.10 Science fiction isn’t pure fantasy. In cyberpunk, it’s a reallife belief taken to an extreme. The downfall of the Chinese-inspired society in Diamond Age has to do with how Asia supposedly is backwards and filial instead of striving and independent; is misogynist because of the Confucian preference for sons; has no claim to prior technological innovations; is blinded by feelings of their own superiority; sees its people, who don’t have much openmindedness, ingenuity, or creativity, as numbers instead of individuals … In short, it has to do with historically entrenched stereotypes that date back to even before
The Matrix (1999) has the main character, Neo, training inside a Japanese-style dojo with a “sensei”-like figure in the form of Morpheus.
5 Nakamura, 70.
6 De Kosnik, Abigail. (2015) “The Mask of Fu Manchu,” in “Techno-Orientalism: Imagining Asia in Speculative Fiction, History, and Media,” ed. David S. Roh, Betsy Huang, and Greta A. Niu. Rutgers University Press. 91. 7 Gibson, William. (2001) “Modern boys and mobile girls.” The Guardian.
2 Nakamura, 63.w
8 Roh, David S., Betsy Huang, and Greta A. Niu. (2015) “Technologizing Orientalism,” in “Techno-Orientalism: Imagining Asia in Speculative Fiction, History, and Media.” Rutgers University Press. 14.
3 Nakamura, 70.
9 Roh, 4.
4 Nakamura, 68.
10 Niu, Greta Aiyu. (2008) “Techno-Orientalism, Nanotechnology, Posthumans, and Post-Posthumans in Neal Stephenson’s and Linda Nagata’s Science Fiction.” Melus. 77.
6 History and Contemporary Culture
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The Past and Present of “Techno-Orientalism” 7
Fu Manchu. 11 The assumption is that Asia doesn’t have the capacity to invent new technology, or if it does, then that technology will be misused. As Technologizing Orientalism argues, the “Chinese knockoffs” and “outsourcing to India” tropes in economics, news, and popular discourse that developed post-90s reflect the belief that Asians are like machines and their labor output is like that of machines — efficient and precise, but not original or innovative.12 Meanwhile, groups such as Japanese office workers, South Korean celebrities, and Chinese social media users are casually, regularly called “robotic,” which, of course, criticizes less the structures under which these people live and the mechanisms by which they are repressed and more the people and the cultures themselves. Furthermore, the way Asian Americans have been treated, and their labor exploited, in the US since the days of the transcontinental railroad as well as the nature of anti-Asian racism should clue you in that Asian bodies are seen as—feared as— interchangeable, unfeeling machines.13 Of course, cyberpunk has existed in Asia
[G]roups such as Japanese office workers, South Korean celebrities, and Chinese social media users are casually, regularly called “robotic,” which, of course, criticizes less the structures under which these people live and the mechanisms by which they are repressed and more the people and the cultures themselves. for just as long as it has in the West, from Akira (1982) to Waste Tide (2013). And the pop cultures of the world are all intertwined to the point that they do inform each other. But, because of that, the impact of early cyberpunk on all pop culture is quite indelible. The point is that techno-orientalism is more than just a superficial peculiarity in a niche pulp-fiction genre. The techno-orientalism in pop culture informs and is informed by 11 Niu, 78-81. 12 Roh, 5. 13 Roh, 11. 14 Roh, 7.
8 History and Contemporary Culture
Concept art for the Neuromancer movie, w hic h was never made but was supposed to be based off of the well-known novel by William Gibson. (Image via Heavy Metal)
Western attitudes towards Asia and thus is often essentialist and xenophobic. It exists in conjunction with a conviction of the West’s centrality, if not superiority. 14
Naomi is a senior from California majoring in SCA & minoring in physics. Her articles on related topics can be found in the S19 issue (“A Goldmine to Be Discovered”) and on generasian.blog (“Ken Liu’s The Hidden Girl”).
OLIVIER WITH CAT An intimate moment between Olivier and his family cat, photograph reference taken from overhead. The resemblances in cat, and in person could be close, but there are still some spaces of white left alone, left to be filled by our minds. He doesn’t show a big smile, but something reassures us that he is content, being there in reclined posture, left hand relaxed around the furry pet.
JIKAI ZHENG
Jikai Zheng is a Senior studying Humanities, Creative Writing, and Chinese at NYU Shanghai. She works mostly in watercolor.
OFFERING MOM AND RELUCTANT DAUGHTER A mom offers with outstretched arms, but with a firm, stern stare. She’s encouraging her daughter to learn with her, but also to obey her. Mom wants to bring her daughter to her river bank of opinion, beckoning “come here”. The daughter sits with her arms crisscrossed, her hands, left holding a loose leaf piece of paper, and right holding a pen. She’s been keeping receipts. The abstract background is a display of tangled, glassy watercolor, representing the knots in their relationship. The colors of this watercolor string are all over the place, and its black outline delineates the stark separation from the pure white. The agreement they reach, if they reach, is not soon.
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Artwork by Jikai Zheng 9
THE ASIAN AMERICAN
Although this first wave of New Guard designers do not share much in common aesthetically, they give proof to the idea that there is not one singular mode of Asian expression and not one prerequisite background that grants one entry into the industry. American designers). Although this first wave of New Guard designers do not share much in common aesthetically, they give proof to the idea that there is not one singular mode of Asian expression and not one prerequisite background that grants one entry into the industry. The second wave of the New Guard arrived post-2008 recession and brought about a new burst of creativity that
REVOLUTION
ON FASHION
are the pioneers, such as Peter Do, who followed in the footsteps of Lam and Lim in incorporating their creative genius into the otherwise dulling tailoring industry and redefining the landscape of couture. Others did the same creative handiwork but
from their ethnic and cultural identities.
have long been stereotyped by the West as
various sectors of the industry. There
By: Victoria Maung
Designers (left to right, front row): Vivienne Tam, Derek Lam, Anna Sui, Peter Do, Sandy Liang, Jenny Cheng Designers (left to right, back row): Jason Wu, Alexander Wang, Phillip Lim, Kim Shui, Snow Xue Gao, Thakoon Panichgul, Siying Qu, Haoran Li Asian American fashion designers
catalyzed a stylistic revolution throughout
Identifying as a collective gave power
in the ready-to-wear industry—Thakoon interest in fashion stemming from their
cultural representations in her work and
Panichgul, the Parsons graduated Thai-
mothers, who were both seamstresses they
refined the grunge aesthetic by feminizing it
American fashion designer, for instance,
admired and who inspired their pursuit in
with whimsical Victorian-style silhouettes
reconstructed modern wardrobe essentials
Tam and Anna Sui, who launched their
fashion. They represent two types of the
made of florals and delicate fabrics (an
with deceptively simple basics reminiscent
eponymous labels during the late 80s and
many permutations of Asian American
aesthetic now popularized by the likes of
of Helmut Lang’s artistic ergonomicitry. And then there are the New York cool kids drawing
a stagnant collective body lacking creativity
to Asian Americans and solidified their
early 90s and burst onto the forefront
identity: Sui, born and raised in Detroit,
Marc Jacobs, who is actually Sui’s successor).
and individual agency, but they are in fact like
identity. Immigration laws during the
of the industry when the likes of Calvin
Michigan, eventually studied at Parsons
However, Asian American designers
anyone else: malleable, dynamic and complex
1960s spurred a multiplication of Asians not
Klein, Marc Jacobs, and Ralph Lauren were
School of Design while the Guangzhou-born
(in a modern context, representing
beings. Stereotypes become stereotypes
only in typically concentrated areas, such
simultaneously becoming industry staples.
fashion designer, Tam, grew up in Hong Kong
those born, schooled, and who
because they are ubiquitous and often
as New York and California, but locations
They do not share much besides their rooted
and studied at Hong Kong Polytechnic
express prominent cultural qualities, but are
across the country. Not only were they
University, only moving to America
did not begin to solidify their
detrimental to a culture when they become
geographically diverse, they were also
after graduating college.
status in the ranks of the
warped and displaced from their original
ethnically and socioeconomically diverse;
context. Many artists resultantly struggle
they were no longer solely working class,
opposites. Tam’s work is characteristic
with celebrating their cultural roots while
but were homogeneously distributed across
of incorporating elements of Eastern
graduate, styled Michelle
also separating themselves and their brands
all rungs of the American socioeconomic
culture, namely, Chinese motifs
Obama at Barack Obama’s
ladder. Immigration reform coincided
and themes, while playing on
inauguration in 2009. His
with the professionalization of
Western styles to push towards a
exquisite design work on her
fashion during the 80s through the
feminization of Eastern styles
white silk-chiffon one-shoulder
establishment of fashion schools in
(a notable collection was the
ball gown and the honor’s prestige
New York, specifically Parsons School
satirical Spring/Summer (S/S)
snatched the attention and respect
of Design and the Fashion Institute of
1995 Mao collection, which
of the global industry. Other
Technology.
is considered and shown as
designers who emerged onto
Not only were they geographically diverse, they were also ethnically and socioeconomically diverse; they were no longer solely working class, but were homogeneously distributed across all rungs of the American socioeconomic ladder. 10 History and Contemporary Culture
The earliest Asian American
Aesthetically, too, they are polar
established brands in America)
international landscape until Jason Wu, a Parsons
art in museums today). On
the scene included Derek Lam,
fashion designers, that is to say, the
the other hand,
Phillip Lim, and Alexander Wang
Amy Tans and Maxine Hong Kingstons
Sui shied away
among others (they also happen
of the fashion industry, were Vivienne
from overt
to be a few of the first openly gay Asian
Designers: Vivienne Tam (left), Anna Sui (right)
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Designer: Jason Wu
Designers (left to right): Derek Lam, Phillip Lim, Peter Do, Thakoon Panichgul
The Asian American Revolution on Fashion 11
influence from the 90s grunge style and
They have individually and
the burgeoning reemergence of streetwear
collectively reckoned with
stemming from the African American
the pressure of accurately
hip hop scene, thus adding another
portraying their culture in a
dimensionality to the Asian American
Western hegemonic landscape,
identity. This intersection of influences
while also subverting the
echoes the political collaboration between
conception that the only valid
Asian Americans and African Americans
form of “Asian-American-
in the 60s in the Yellow Peril Supports
ness” exists in those who are
Black Power movement. Alexander Wang
ethnically Asian and born
pioneered the Asian American foray into
in America and proving the
streetwear with his day-to-night cool-kid
dimensionality and flexibility
looks and even paid homage to Chinatown
of Asian American identity.
in his 2018 souvenir capsule. From the
But their work is nowhere
nearby neighborhood of the Lower East Side
near done; the industry
(LES) emerged designers including Sandy
still remains predominantly
Liang, Jenny Chang of Gauntlett Cheng, and
white and perpetuates racism
Siying Qu and Haoran Li of Private Policy.
and type casting, barring
Sandy Liang established her eponymous
many designers of color from
label with shearling fleeces coveted by
entering the industry. These
every downtown fashion aficionado;
generations of Asian American
Gauntlett Cheng, a brand that champions
Designers (left to right): Sandy Liang,
designers have proven that the war on
body positivity, has garnered much attention
Gauntlett Cheng, Private Policy
Eurocentric fashion can be fought with a
for their cheeky draped dresses; Private
And then there are those who toe the
myriad of weapons—ones including, but
Policy is beginning to intersperse the typical
line between innovation and tradition: Kim
not limited to, the employment of cultural
downtown cool kid style with pragmatism
Shui. Her designs are reminiscent of both
motifs without playing into stereotypes,
while also paying homage to the cofounders’
Vivienne Tam’s rebellious spirit and Anna
as well as the establishment of a distinct
shared Chinese heritage.
Sui’s whimsical yet rocker florals through
stylistic aesthetic. Within a system that
her integration of Western seductivity with
weaponizes people of colors’ cultures against
Eastern cultural motifs—two forces that are seemingly dissonant, but successfully inform one another in Shui’s designs. She plays on qipao styles and other Chinese patterns
must continue to rebuke the West while remembering that their ethnicity and culture are not the only defining traits of their creative and personal identities.
and motifs as a nod to Eastern
Victoria is an aspiring fashion journalist but hates being
culture, but her Westernesse
called a “journalist” so any other words, like “writer” or
designs flaunt a more overt
“enthusiast” will do. She has a deep appreciation for a pair
and comfortable sexiness fitting of the contemporary era. Chinese American Parsons alum Snow Xue Gao flirts instead with melding comfort and business as well as deconstruction, especially with her latest S/S 2021 collection, and her pragmatism is reflective of the COVID-19 work-fromhome era; stylistically, her grunge florals nod toward her fellow contemporary Shui and her predecessor Sui. Designers throughout the 20th and 21st centuries have shunted the Western gaze and claimed ownership of the history and future of Asian Americans.
12 History and Contemporary Culture
them, designers of future generations
Designers: Kim Shui (left), Snow Xue Gao (right)
of well-tailored trousers, avant garde art, and stand up comedy. Her aesthetic is perpetually flirting between colorful and achromatic. Talk to her about your favorite designer.
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Alex Gutierrez is a Senior at NYU studying film and animation. She loves working with different textures and color patterns.
G U T I E R R E Z Artwork by Alex Gutierrez 13
To my Dear Asian Americans,
about the conversations felt different this time around—like a feeling of solidarity,
Image courtesy of Tina Gong.
Hate and despair have filled the 2020
as if our collective voices refused to readily
year, so the thought of embarking on a new
escape into the void. Our commitment to
year comes almost as a relief. When the
embracing our voices in these absolutely
pandemic started, I thought that the only
necessary times gave birth to a hope in the
way we could escape all of its resulting pain
most devastating of times possible.
and grief was if everything simply returned
Hate is everywhere, but love is slowly
to the way that things were, that we could
yet surely growing in its place. It’s in
somehow forget as if we never experienced
the form of empathy for the trauma the
any of it at all. I kept urging myself on,
Black community has been experiencing
hoping that sooner rather than later we
repeatedly; it’s in the form of the protest
could embrace the old times again. With
held for the 89-year-old Asian woman
everything back to “normal,” perhaps
who was set on fire in Brooklyn; it’s in
humanity could be restored. When students from universities all over the country were sent home, I returned to my small corner of the world in Maine. I didn’t always feel safe there growing up as an Asian American in a predominantly white community, so I was incredibly
The more our voices occupy the spaces they are meant to occupy, the more imminent real change becomes.
worried that someone might direct hate towards me or my family; I would not let
the form of wearing masks and limiting
my parents go to the grocery store alone out
social interaction to protect others. It’s
What if 2020 isn’t canceled?
of the fear that their lack of English fluency
this shared feeling of togetherness despite
What if 2020 is the year we’ve been
would make them prone to harassment
being physically isolated that made me
from people who had no place in letting us
wonder if I had mistakenly overlooked the
feel less welcomed. Fear consumed me to
value and importance of making ourselves
the point of thinking that the only way to
be heard.
waiting for? A year so uncomfortable, so painful, so scary, so raw — That it finally forces us to grow.
be safe in this world was to go unnoticed;
This year has broken us and it has
A year that screams so loud, finally
I believed being unseen wouldn’t be such
mended us at the same time. It has forced
a bad thing if the xenophobia and racism
us into despair, but it has also given us
could then simply be avoided. However,
immense hope. For the first time, we
I realized as of late that being seen is not
are re-envisioning the future instead of
as much the cause of the problem as being
discounting our experiences and settling
unseen is the root of them.
to move in the same direction. The Asian
AN HONEST LETTER
awakening us from our ignorant slumber
-Leslie Dwight, writer
By: Emily Lin
I believed being unseen wouldn’t be such a bad thing if the xenophobia and racism could then simply be avoided.
American voice is now louder than ever as we battle with a history of being unseen. The more our voices occupy the spaces they are meant to occupy, the more imminent real change becomes. To my fellow Asian Americans, this year has challenged us in unimaginable ways, but with hope, I would
When Black Lives Matter protesters
like to leave you with one last message:
stormed the streets beginning in early June,
be unafraid in the face of discomfort and
I had an awakening of some sort. As I began
unapologetic in making your voice heard.
to challenge the beliefs of close friends, family, and myself in response to the
Yours Truly,
racially-motivated murders of a disturbing
2020
number of Black Americans, something Top: Image courtesy of Make Our Voices Heard. Bottom: Image courtesy of Shirley Chen.
14 Politics and Current Events
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An Honest Letter 15
THE HONG KONG WAY
Photo courtesy of South China Morning Post.
Many businesses continue to operate as normal. While it’s nice to still be able to enjoy the city, I still feel an underlying anxiety when I see the case numbers. Western cultures place a heavy emphasis on individualism and the values of selfreliance and independence. People have the right to make their own decisions, but sometimes this comes at the expense of the community’s well being. I am not advocating for one system over the other. As someone who was born in Hong Kong but went to high school and is now attending college in the United
OF DEFEATING A VIRUS
Navigating a pandemic takes the effort of everyone to make small sacrifices for the benefit of the community. result of many citizens returning from abroad, the government instantly reverted to their earlier shutdown policy. In a city of over seven million people, there were never more than 150 cases per day, and Hong Kong’s total case count stands at just over five thousand as opposed to the United States’ 11 million.
By: Michael Lo
Photo courtesy of Time.
“Come home,” my mother urged, “it’s not safe anymore in New York.” I hastily packed my bags and booked the last seat on a plane to Hong Kong. As I boarded my 16-hour flight wearing a mask, I entered the flood of passengers, many of whom were students returning home like myself. Upon arrival in Hong Kong, I was thoroughly questioned by a customs official and was given a blue bracelet that I had to wear for 14 days, the mandatory quarantine period. The government was able to track my movements through
As I boarded my 16-hour flight wearing a mask, I entered the flood of passengers, many of whom were students returning home like myself. 16 Politics and Current Events
the bracelet. If I ever left my house, they would immediately call my number, and if I didn’t answer, police officers would soon arrive at my doorstep. The tracking technology was so accurate that it measured altitude: when I went downstairs to my kitchen during my first night back in Hong Kong, I had to explain to the officials that I was simply eating dinner at home. Hong Kong is no stranger to pandemics. In March 2003, the SARS pandemic began rapidly spreading through the city. SARS, or severe acute respiratory syndrome, has extreme genetic similarities to COVID-19, but a fatality rate of 11 percent which is eight times higher than the coronavirus. Hong Kong’s government acted immediately; through educating the public about the virus, contact tracing, isolating potential exposures, shutting down schools, and collaborating with China and the World Health Organization
(WHO), the virus was dealt with by June. The government’s decisive measures prevented a catastrophic outbreak in the city and likely prevented the deadly virus from spreading around the world. After the 14 days, I was finally allowed to venture into the outside world to share a few meals with friends and family. However, I was still very cautious, not leaving the house more than two or three times a week and always wearing a mask when I did. From March until June, Hong Kong had set severe restrictions on social activities. Restaurants opened for lunch at half capacity, crowded public areas closed, schools shut down, and businesses transitioned online. Quickly, the number of new cases began to drop. By June, after a week of zero new cases, the government felt comfortable loosening restrictions, and life resumed a sense of normalcy. When another, more severe wave of the virus hit in the middle of July as a
This is the value of the collectivist approach in East Asian societies: people are willing to accept temporary sacrifices for the safety of their family and community.
governments to put tracking devices on its citizens to enforce quarantine, it has proven effective in preventing imported cases, and thus I willingly complied. When called to action, Hong Kong’s residents united under the guidance of their government with the understanding that this was the only way to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. I currently live in New York, where the pandemic has continued to produce hundreds of new cases in the city after more than seven months of the initial wave of cases. In New York and other parts of the United States, mask wearing is encouraged but not strictly enforced.
States, I understand the benefits of both systems. Yet, when it comes to dealing with a pandemic, collectivist societies have conclusively shown better results. Because I am young and healthy, I am relatively safe from the dangers of the virus. But I also know that my actions impact my family, my neighbors, my friends, and the businesses in my community. Navigating a pandemic takes the effort of everyone to make small sacrifices for the benefit of the community. Michael is a sophomore at CAS majoring in East Asian Studies. Living in New York with a cuddly but mischievous cat, he has mastered the art of cooking for one. Photo courtesy of New York Times.
Hong Kong is a city of resilience. Its people knew the dangers of the deadly disease and willingly worked with the government in eliminating it. Like other regions in East Asia such as Singapore and Taiwan, this same philosophy of strict governance combined with universal citizen cooperation has produced impressive results in coping with the pandemic. This is the value of the collectivist approach in East Asian societies: people are willing to accept temporary sacrifices for the safety of their family and community. People respect authority, deferring decisions to policymakers and experts who are better suited to address the task at hand. For example, while it may seem shocking for READ OUR BLOG
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The Hong Kong Way of Defeating a Virus 17
A
S
E S
may
O
approaching the end
june
the finish line she looks to the white string
she ventures into the foreign land
keep running
fire, water, earth, metal, wood everything’s there
the clock strikes one
N
but her
she wakes up hair messy, eyes blurry
she picks up a piece of silver
what happened?
shining, gleaming, calling out her name a gust of wind leaks through the chilling door
almost there
no, thank you
if only too delusional
she steps away from the minefield
as if
many days later, she would return only to leave once again
By: Ting Shing Koh march 1…2...3.......19...20.
empty-handed
S
july in the midst of something
turn it off
she can feel it
she stared at her reflection in the mirror
unaware of what’s passing
how did i end up here?
through or under, she’ll choose
steam from the shower fogged up her vision
gazing out at the blazing sun
she looks to the puddle of water by her feet
how can it still shine
the scent of floral shampoo hits her without warning
when everything’s so dark
lost
lend me a light
it’s all a blur
she told herself
taking out, taking off, taking in
soon
the terminal lights flashed in a moment of inhalation
she lied to herself
taxi!
she knew august it’s hot outside
april
september
she slouches it’s spring
on the balcony looking down
back where she started
a season of life and rebirth
she sighs
but not how she started
thirty-one days
skies a little wilder
she had it on countdown
clouds a little further
time / reversed
thirty-one days
eyes a little darker
thoughts / revised
where did summer go?
mind a little clearer
looking out the window
she looks up at the mirror
what for?
nothing much has changed
but this year she’s greeted by withering flowers unsure to bloom or to stay enclosed
things / rediscovered slow-ly glueing them together piece by piece
yet everything has changed
her mind has lost its structure fallen, sunken, shrunken
Ting Shing Koh is a sophomore at New York University studying Media, Culture, and
she’s still trying
18 Poetry
Communication. She hopes to provide inspiration and comfort to those in need.
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Seasons 19
CLAUDIA SHAO
“Mirrors� (gouache on paper) is a series of illustrations that depicts the same space in different dimensions.
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SRORRIM
20 Poetry
Claudia is a Junior at Tandon studying Integrated Digital Media. She loves making artworks that convey stories.
Mirrors by Claudia Shao 21
SURVIVING SOUTH UTH: THE SO By: Annie Jewel Kong Are there alligators? Confederate flags? Rednecks? How’s the iced tea? When I tell people I’m from the South, I usually receive wide-eyed stares and a series of questions about everyday life there. Most people’s perception of the South is all country and little-to-no ethnodiversity, but I didn’t realize how relatively diverse my hometown of Johns Creek, Georgia was until I started attending a Christian (PWI) in Georgia. Suddenly, I was one of maybe 10 or so girls of East Asian descent in my grade
22 Personal Essays
FROM PWI TO NYU
of over 200. Growing up half-Chinese and half-Korean, I already had difficulty trying to feel like I was “enough” of either side. Transferring to and graduating from a school that was 63% white came with additional challenges. Growing up in this environment felt isolating and draining. Although many classmates and teachers tried their best to understand the experiences of students of color, this place where I spent most of my formative years was still teeming
Growing up half-Chinese and half-Korean, I already had difficulty trying to feel like I was “enough” of either side. with microaggressions that made it difficult to gain a sense of belonging and recognition. These occurrences varied in creativity. Teachers would often mistake me for another Asian girl. In junior year,
one teacher felt so guilty that she nearly started crying in front of the whole class while I profusely forgave her. It seemed like the incident felt more embarrassing for me than it did for her. Girls would go to class with chopsticks in their hair and caption Instagram posts about how they wanted to be Korean. Because I was often the only Asian or even person of color in a classroom, I was occasionally asked to speak on issues about being a minority. I was never ashamed of my identity, but it felt alienating to be targeted in these ways. Beyond the students and faculty, there was the institutional racism that manifested in a lack of anti-racism curriculum, diversity and inclusion training, and teachers and advisors of color. Every February, the Black affinity group on campus held a Black History Month assembly. During my senior year, their presentation covered the same issue as the year prior: media representation in Hollywood. They addressed the history of blackface and the need for diverse representation of Black lives. While this presentation was informative, the students felt discouraged that they couldn’t address what were deemed more controversial topics. Despite students’ requests, the administration told them to stick to the topic of representation in the media because it was safer and more palatable than issues such as police brutality or the prison system for the majority white audience. The Black affinity group’s insistence on the necessity of stories told by and for Black people that were not solely centered around their identity resonated with me the most, the implications of which were prevalent in the very school we attended. It oftentimes felt like the students, teachers, and administration couldn’t see people beyond their race or religion. One of my friends, who was the sole member of the Middle Eastern affinity group that she founded for the Upper School, received belligerent emails about participating in photoshoots for school pamphlets and magazines. I was once interviewing a history teacher for a newspaper article on U.S. relations with North Korea when he asked me what my family thought of North Korea, as if our conversation necessitated the input of my family who may or may not be Korean. (They are, but he automatically assumed). READ OUR BLOG
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This constant struggle between people wanting students of color to “assimilate” while still viewing them as tokens forced me to reevaluate the roles I had in what felt like two separate identities. I wasn’t sure how I was expected to act, but my surroundings inevitably influenced me and I adopted the style, mannerisms, and slang of my peers, while wondering if any of it made me less Asian than the people I knew from my hometown in Johns Creek and those that I saw living in cities that were densely populated with Asian Americans. By belonging to a predominantly white environment, I felt like I was missing out on common Asian experiences: I never had DECA or Key Club—clubs that Asian American students typically participate in—and I learned what Asian glow was from a Buzzfeed video.
This constant struggle between people wanting students of color to “assimilate” while still viewing them as tokens forced me to reevaluate the roles I had in what felt like two separate identities. in Hong Kong, eight thousand miles away from Atlanta, but we order the same things at dimsum. Another one of my good friends at NYU was born in Malaysia and grew up in Connecticut, yet is one of the few people I know who’s both Chinese and Korean. I was so excited to finally have a community, especially one composed of other Asian Americans. However, I had failed to realize how being surrounded by
Johns Creek is a peaceful city located just north of Atlanta, Georgia. Ranked third in 2017 for “50 Best Cities to Live In” by USA Today, Johns Creek also boasts a relatively diverse population. (Image via Georgia AsianTimes)
Once it was time to start applying for colleges, I knew diversity was a major factor in my decision. After being surrounded by so many people who took classes with the same people their whole lives and viewed foreign language classes as just another gen ed, I wanted to finally meet people with different backgrounds and interests. Upon hearing stories of how almost every student in any given NYU classroom is from a different part of the world, I knew it was the perfect place for me to meet new people both with whom I shared interests and with whom I had virtually nothing in common— and this did come true. For example, one of my closest friends went to high school
so many Asian people would actually make me feel more alienated and whitewashed. It was so refreshing to find others with this common identity, to have clubs to join, people to chat with about Asian language, food, and holidays. Yet at the same time, I felt like I had to catch up on everything I had missed out on, like the latest Asian music and trends. Being stuck in this state of limbo had me questioning what I knew about my own cultures. Although I’m semi-fluent in Mandarin as a result of my upbringing, I can’t understand any of the jokes my Korean friends make. Although I have listened to 88rising and Red Velvet, I don’t recognize most of the songs people
Surviving the South: From PWI to NYU 23
However, I had failed to realize how being surrounded by so many Asian people would actually make me feel more alienated and whitewashed. share on Spotify. I haven’t visited China since I was four and I’ve never even been to South Korea. Though I know there’s not one way to be Chinese or Korean or American, the abrupt shift in my surroundings has made me reassess the ways I can continue connecting with my culture. The communities at NYU will undoubtedly have an impact as I continue navigating my identity as both an Asian American and a Southerner. Annie Kong is a freshman at CAS studying politics. She’s from Atlanta, Georgia and has a background in journalism.
24 Personal Essays
MASKS OFF
By: Amy Dai
Image Courtesy of NBC News.
I remember the way I used to feel coming
shrunk itself away for school, success had
with a twisted pride: someone who never
home from elementary school: eager and
to lie somewhere not too far down this road.
stepped out of line yet won the love of all.
always searching for the day’s “exciting”
Of course I found it overwhelming at times.
As Asian Americans, we are smart, easy, and
news to report back to my mom. I was told
When my envy for my white peers became all
without complaint. Have us on speed dial
I was gifted, I was the first to finish the
too much, the inner critic would creep in—
for when the computer is running slow, pay
multiplication test, I scored a point higher
back to work, Amy.
us in boba for forgotten physics homework,
than her…I was raised to think that I was lazy
By third grade, my mask had fully stitched itself
system as I knew it was infallible, and one
from seeing what I wasn’t supposed to
that I wielded just as much control over as
see, this mask filtered out any parts of life
anyone else. Unable to fit into this was failure,
that weren’t related to family or school. It
and failure was the stupidity that I swallowed
strained my eyes open in the thick lulls of
alone. There was no better explanation for it.
2 AM geometry and turned up the corners
As America liked to say, my bootstraps were
of my mouth when I was put in a room of
come to deduce the model minority down to
waiting for me to pull.
white gazes. My mask wired my brain to put
a systematic people-pleaser. White America
Life made a rhythm of its own then.
others before myself: prioritizing my parents’
lauds us for our undying persistence in our
It sounded like this: coffee after coffee to
dreams before my own, putting my teachers
careers; medical and computer science fields
compensate for last night’s overthinking and
and friends’ expectations over gut instinct,
are our exclusive spaces. Dragons and exotic
camaraderie with those who foamed at their
and looking at other East Asian girls as mere
spices are always a great conversation starter
mouths for teachers to dole out the A. Between
projections of what I wanted the future Amy
with us. But ask us anything about politics
eyebags that started to make their permanent
to look like.
or what we think of this country and a polite
homes on my face and a personality that READ OUR BLOG
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together. Shielding my eyes
and use our “exotic” cultures as the butt of
unless I excelled academically. The school
I offered myself to the model minority
jokes when it’s just one of those days. I’ve
I’ve come to deduce the model minority down to a systematic people-pleaser.
smile is the most you’ll get. I was told it was
Masks Off 25
Image Courtesy of NBC News.
a coincidence that we are the “Nice Asians”
thought, and Subtle Asian Traits proved it so.
infographics, “not your model minority”
only until we talk back. Using the buzzwords
Originally coined by @diaspora_is_red
t-shirts, and public trophies like Andrew Yang,
“diversity” and “freedom” were fine, but in no
on Twitter, boba liberalism is “a type of
Constance Wu, and Awkwafina. We’re not
shape or form was the truth ever tolerated. It
mainstream liberal Asian-American politics” in
too Asian like our families and not too white
took four years living in repressed denial of the
which Asian Americans consume materialistic
because we consume the material products of
model minority and going through a pandemic
Asian goods to show they are in touch with their
our culture. This mentality points right back to
for me to finally understand that in a country
heritage. The problem of this mindset is how it
the model minority stereotype of Asians being
are our exclusive spaces. Dragons and exotic
fundamentally anchored in the enslavement
conflates materialistic consumption of “Asian
inherently disinterested in matters relating to
spices are always a great conversation starter
and ongoing slaughter of Black and brown
culture” with steps towards real change. Boba
the larger society, only focusing on the tangible
with us. But ask us anything about politics
people to see the truth; no more hope can be
liberalism and obsession with representation
commodities society can offer instead, such as
or what we think of this country and a polite
cast towards surface-level “reform.” And
in white spaces centers this assimilationist
employment and education status.
smile is the most you’ll get. I was told it was
White America gets this, because here’s when
mindset. It has left a residual anger in me that
The onslaught of the COVID-19 pandemic
Gaslighting becomes normalized when education is the label slapped onto it.
I remember the way I used to feel coming
from seeing what I wasn’t supposed to
okay though. I couldn’t explain what my place
the model minority comes in. We play the part
my existence could never amount to anything
should be the last sign we need that when
home from elementary school: eager and
see, this mask filtered out any parts of life
in society was, but America would still love
of the awkward in-between: not white but not
more than dragon and lantern aesthetics to
times are desperate and a scapegoat is
always searching for the day’s “exciting”
that weren’t related to family or school. It
me, right?
like the other POC community. We take shelter
show off to the white gaze. The heritage-as-
needed, us Asians are not exempt from the
The mask started to slide off as I entered
in the comfortable STEM fields, fill the spots
clout strain of boba liberalism reduces the East
white finger. The coronavirus is now forcing
high school’s rank and file of born-and-bred
in top colleges, and can be found in the plush
Asian diaspora to an existence meant to serve
us to take more seriously the issues that our
overachievers. It was in my gut—swallowing
suburbs all across America, seemingly never
white enlightenment. Even more chilling are
immigrant parents and families abroad face.
back the gnawing when white people spoke
giving a second thought about those actually
the methods with which boba liberalism wants
As our homelands halfway across the world
news to report back to my mom. I was told I was gifted, I was the first to finish the multiplication test, I scored a point higher than her…I was raised to think that I was lazy
I gave up everything to stand on society’s 2nd tier.
unless I excelled academically. The school
strained my eyes open in the thick lulls of
freely about my homeland and nodding along
suffering in this country. We’re a convenient
to bring about change. Rather than probing
are dangerously battling it out with the U.S.’s
system as I knew it was infallible, and one
2 AM geometry and turned up the corners
when white teachers taught us about racism in
third party in the political theater around
deeper into history, boba liberals feel the need
arm of imperialism, it’s okay to acknowledge
that I wielded just as much control over as
of my mouth when I was put in a room of
this country but told us to nevertheless have
race, helping guide the attention away from
to create something of their own—awareness
that solidarity is difficult—especially when
anyone else. Unable to fit into this was failure,
white gazes. My mask wired my brain to put
compassion for all. If the model minority was
the original perpetrators of violence while
in the form of cultural show-offs, Instagram
it’s the least convenient. However, taking off
and failure was the stupidity that I swallowed
others before myself: prioritizing my parents’
the systematic people-pleaser, white people
distancing ourselves from the rest of the POC
the masks of boba liberalism and the model
alone. There was no better explanation for it.
dreams before my own, putting my teachers
were systematic narcissists. I’d run out of the
body. But it didn’t take long to realize that this
minority stereotype that white America has
As America liked to say, my bootstraps were
and friends’ expectations over gut instinct,
building bearing the weight of their words
third party role doesn’t exclude us from racism.
tied onto us will bring us one step closer to the
waiting for me to pull.
and looking at other East Asian girls as mere
only to walk back into an echo chamber of (you
When whiteness started to get under our skin,
real change we’ve been looking for.
projections of what I wanted the future Amy
guessed it) whiteness. My parents had a funny
boba liberalism seemed like the solid route to
Bio: Amy Dai is currently a first year student in the Liberal
to look like.
way of repackaging it into something they
go. It makes sense on surface level. Consume
Studies Core Program. Originally from Northern Virginia, she is excited to see what kinds of conversations Generasian is
Life made a rhythm of its own then. It sounded like this: coffee after coffee to compensate for last night’s overthinking and
I offered myself to the model minority
thought would be easier to digest. I had too
and
camaraderie with those who foamed at their
with a twisted pride: someone who never
many complaints and too many expectations
otherwise rejects.
mouths for teachers to dole out the A. Between
stepped out of line yet won the love of all.
for others. I was also in no place to protest
I thought of it as a remedy then as well. I
eyebags that started to make their permanent
As Asian Americans, we are smart, easy, and
because there would always be others below
made dumplings, branded Chinese characters
homes on my face and a personality that
without complaint. Have us on speed dial
me. Condition myself into gratitude, they
as my aesthetic, and tagged all the friends I
shrunk itself away for school, success had
for when the computer is running slow, pay
told me, and I’ll be well on the road to the
could think of in the Facebook group, Subtle
to lie somewhere not too far down this road.
us in boba for forgotten physics homework,
Ivy League Dream. I gave up everything to
Asian Traits, in a last stab at cultural awareness.
Of course I found it overwhelming at times.
and use our “exotic” cultures as the butt of
stand on society’s 2nd tier. To my dismay,
I was more than just a spineless overachiever in
When my envy for my white peers became all
jokes when it’s just one of those days. I’ve
white mediocrity always came in 1st place, but
school, and I’d be the one to present my culture
too much, the inner critic would creep in—
come to deduce the model minority down to
complaining also wasn’t in the dictionary of
the right way. In my neverending consumption
back to work, Amy.
a systematic people-pleaser. White America
the model minority. Digress and work harder.
spree, immigrant memes and boba were the
lauds us for our undying persistence in our
Gaslighting becomes normalized when
cures to my inability to fit in at school and
careers; medical and computer science fields
education is the label slapped onto it. It’s not
in society at large. People understood me, I
By third grade, my mask had fully stitched itself
together. Shielding my eyes
26 Personal Essays
advocate
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the
culture
that
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America
able to stir within the greater NYU community.
Illustration by Janet Sung for Eater. Masks Off 27
S O P H I E X U Tea
Sophie Xu is a first-year studying Integrated Digital Media. She enjoys digital art and chalk pastel drawing.
Chocolate
Pining
Dessert
Feelings
28 Personal Essays
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Artwork by Sophie Xu 29
BANANA BEING A BANANA:
THE ASIAN AMERICAN DILEMMA By: Chris Tenzin “You don’t know how to spell Liu? It’s literally one of the most common Chinese names. I swear, sometimes you’re such a banana, Chris.” I sat there, awkwardly smiling and laughing along with my friends, despite the sting I felt from her throwaway comment. I had asked her how to spell her last name because I hadn’t been 100% sure how to. Was it Lu? Or Liu? Or Luu? (Believe it or not, those were all last names of three different people in our friend group at the time). At that moment, I honestly couldn’t remember which one was hers. Rather than try to explain myself, I played along with them, accepting and even encouraging my role as the “banana” of the group. Nevermind that I regularly heard them pronounce my own last name, Tenzin (the most ubiquitous of all Tibetan names), as Tez-een, or they’d asked if the kimbap I’d brought for lunch was “korean sushi.” I hadn’t bothered to point out or explain any of this because I was too
30 Personal Essays
busy trying to fit in with my fellow Asian Americans, hiding how hurt I felt to be specifically pointed out for not being able to do so. Because “Asian American” was supposed to be the label and identity I fell under, I was willing to overlook their comments and laugh off their repeated “banana” comments as mere banter. But why did it hurt so much to be called a “banana”? The term “banana” is a slur used to label an Asian American seen as having given up or betrayed their Asian roots and assimilated into American culture—”yellow” on the outside but “white” on the inside. Used jokingly and almost reprimandingly by the young and old alike, the slur has quickly become a part of the everyday Asian American vocabulary. Daniel doesn’t know how to use chopsticks? Banana. Jessica never learned to speak Mandarin? Banana. Hannah’s never had hotpot or Korean barbecue? Banana. Though used as a joke, it points to a very real phenomenon in the Asian American
community of generalizing the identity down to an oversimplified and limiting mold. Yet the Asian American identity is not a singular, one-size-fits-all image; it’s a melting pot of different ethnicities and subcultures.
Yet the Asian American identity is not a singular, one-size-fits-all image; it’s a melting pot of different ethnicities and subcultures. So, then what does it really mean to be “Asian American?” What behaviors and thoughts must we demonstrate in order to lay claim to this label? The umbrella term “Asian American” came to use in 1968 as the name of a student organization at UC Berkeley, the Asian American Political Alliance. The purpose of the phrase was to unite all students of Asian descent who, at that point, didn’t have a broader overlapping community as we do today. It
The umbrella term “Asian American” came to use in 1968 as the name of a student organization at UC Berkeley, the Asian American Political Alliance. (Image via NPR)
certainly was an ambitious categorization, attempting to capture so much in just two words. I myself had proudly proclaimed the label “Asian American” as a kid. Having grown up in a small town out in the Midwest where diversity was sorely lacking, it had become especially important for me to have that label to hold on to. If I would never be “American” enough, I could at least take refuge in the identity I was stuck with. Constantly being the odd one out as the “token asian,” was tolerable only because I had many Asian American idols on YouTube—like Nigahiga, Kevjumba, and Lily Singh—to look up to, to claim as hilarious and universally loved figures of my own community. I may not have been “American” enough for the general populace, but I thought I could always count on my Asian American friends to understand what others judged me for, because they were judged for the very same things. This made it all the more painful to grow up and have the phrase “banana” thrown at me from those very same friends. I realized fitting in wasn’t just about being “American” enough, it was about being “Asian” enough too. And not just that, it was about fitting into a specific image of “Asian American” as dictated by the community you happen to find yourself in. READ OUR BLOG
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As a Tibetan-Korean American with few Tibetan or Korean friends, I’ve gotten a firsthand experience of what it’s like to deviate from that image and to be called out for doing so. I was ostracized at times for the languages I couldn’t speak, the holidays I didn’t celebrate, and the foods I didn’t know about. The fact that I had my own Asian languages spoken at home, my own calendar of holidays, and my own table spread of cultural staples didn’t seem to matter. It felt as though the things that made up my claim to “Asian-ness” were the very reasons I was now viewed as a “Banana.” The label “Asian American”
cultures and create a collective voice that is more powerful than any individual voice. The idea was not to homogenize cultures or create division, but to embrace individuals with their own unique experiences and backgrounds. If I could see my old friends now, I know exactly what I’d tell them: No, I am not a banana. I’m Asian American. I don’t have to choose between being “yellow” and being “white” and, besides, there is no single standard for how to be “Asian enough.” You and me, we’re exactly the same and completely different—we’re Asian American.
The label “Asian American” that had once been my safe place and source of pride amidst judgemental stares and questionable comments no longer felt like mine to claim.
Chris Tenzin is a sophomore in the College of Arts and Science majoring in English in the Creative Writing track and minoring in Asian Film and Media.
that had once been my safe place and source of pride amidst judgemental stares and questionable comments no longer felt like mine to claim. When I think about the origins of the term “Asian American,” I like to think about the main purpose of its coining: to unite people of vastly different histories and
Being a Banana: the Asian American Dilemma 31
ACTS OF
discouraging
and overwhelming. My
mother always
told me that by
ranking top 10 in would get my foot
my class, I through
the door for
colleges.
More than my
mental
health, my
mother was
preoccupied
with
whether or
not I would
get into a acclaimed
highly university.
Throughout
LOVE
By: LeAnn Mai
To
American friends
In their eyes, I didn’t have the right to feel mentally exhausted because I didn’t go through the same struggles as them.
happiness or financial success,
“allowance” (aka Lunar
these acts of love only further
New Years money) and time
family were the main factors my
pieces of cut fruits placed by my desk at
snacks, such as lychee jelly, and surprised me
family were concerned about.
night. Affection wasn’t shown through hugs
with my go-to frosted coffee from Chick-
The lack of communication
but through the turning off of lights when
fil-A. But even with them, the topic of mental
coupled with differing cultural
I fell asleep midway through studying.
health was never openly discussed.
values made it even more difficult
Though these small gestures showed
The avoidance of the discussion of
to call my home or friends a safe haven.
high school, I took
me that they were doing what
mental health despite the
My parents’ unwillingness to be more open-
the “typical” route an Asian
they could to make sure I was
implicit concerns for my
minded about mental health and my
student would take in my
okay, not once did the topic
mental well-being in these
friends’ lack of sympathy for personal
school: APs to the max, stacked
of mental health come up
acts of love made me realize
mental health problems made it
extracurriculars, and a (somewhat)
in our conversations. I
how taboo the topic really is for
even more difficult to approach them
good relationship with the teachers. I was
knew better than to try
Asian-American families, especially for
about the topic. Expressing care
labeled an “overachiever” for taking AP
and push the topic
immigrant families like mine. Whenever
and thoughtfulness through actions
Physics 1 as a sophomore—which is usually a
after the first
anything related to mental health came
junior course—and for filling my resume with
time I tried
up in conversation, the topic was quickly
various school clubs and activities such as
mentioning
switched around to discuss the latest
FBLA), JCL, and many others. I had a packed
it to my
family drama. When someone in my family
schedule, and in turn, my availability to take
family:
started experiencing the same form of mental
LeAnn Mai is a freshman in LS Core from Atlanta, Georgia. After LS Core, she plans to transfer into CAS to pursue a double major in Asian Studies and English. In her free time, LeAnn enjoys spontaneous boba/ coffee runs, Zoom movie nights, and late night trips to the pier with her friends.
is important, but without verbal communication these acts of love won’t render effective.
care of myself, both mentally and physically,
my mental health declined to the point where
You didn’t have to work double shifts. You
for me. I am one of the firstborns of my
put together portfolios
didn’t have to face discrimination in school
generation and being an only child added
were enough to put me on
or the workplace. You’re living the perfect
to the pressure. My parents are not
edge. Adderall and caffeine
life.” Perfect. This word resonated with me—in
became my best
their eyes, I didn’t have the right to feel mentally
friends, and
exhausted because I
there was never
the same struggles as
didn’t go through them.
In a culture where mental health was never a main factor for happiness or financial success, these acts of love only further proved this case. health issues I faced, they were quickly shot down and labeled as “causing a scene” and “craving attention.” For my friends, mental health was
a moment when
something that “everyone
I wouldn’t be doing
went through,” meaning it didn’t have to
xG
le
be openly
yA
me as “above average.”
tb
work that would label
Ar
It was when my family and
ie
ut
friends noticed this shift in my mood
ez rr
was still
never a main factor for
the limited amount of
pay, and marrying into a good
“You didn’t have to travel across the ocean.
of 700
mental health was
looking my way. They bought me my favorite
manual presentations, and
in my class
In a culture where
My friends did the best with
in class, poking me awake if the teacher was
staying up late to study for exams, prepare for
“standing out”
were done as a “last resort.”
family, affection was instead shown through
This is what my Vietnamese parents wanted
reprimanded for not
thought. For me, they
foreign to me. In a Vietnamese-American
I couldn’t hide it at home. Endless nights of
But being constantly
not valid.
proved this case. Grades, salary
connections, and earn a well-paying job.
to hang out with my friends.
were out of care and
they had. They would let me sleep
daughter. Get good grades, make good
and understand that I need time
view, these acts of love
struggles were
can do it!” remained
During the middle of sophomore year,
tiger parents—they let me go out
someone else’s point of
“perfect” life, my
love you” and “You
became close to nonexistent. I was raised to become the “perfect”
acknowledged. From
them, in this
received, such as “I
that I first experienced their acts of love. As I was going through a tough time, it was through actions, not words, that the people around me showed support. The words of affirmation and praise that my non-Asian-
32 Personal Essays
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Acts of Love 33
Children walking to school: (January, 2020)
Children walking to school: (January, 2020)
Manhattan (misc.)
L U C YO KO I Luc Yokoi is a freshman studying Film. He is most interested in Writing and Photography.
34 Personal Essays
Somewhere in the Night: (September, 2019)
Somewhere in the Night: (September, 2019)
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Manhattan generasian.blog
(misc.)
Artwork by Luc Yokoi 35
BLOG HIGHLIGHT:
generasian.blog SHARING ASIAN AMERICAN VOICES AT NYU
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DECEMBER 7, 2020 Looking back, my tedious daily routine in the South Korean military was only bearable because I could look forward to watching the latest episode of Demon Slayer in my barracks. Without a doubt one of the best anime series of 2019, Demon Slayer is a riveting story that follows the journey of a young boy, Tanjiro Kamado, after a demon slaughters his entire family and transforms his sister, Nezuko, into a demon. Bent on finding a way to cure his sister, Tanjiro joins the Demon Slayer Corps. The best aspects of Demon Slayer are certainly the gorgeously animated action scenes (I don’t think anyone can truly forget that Tanjiro vs Rui scene), the exhilarating background music, and the lovable characters of the series.
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Going Back to “Where I’m From” BY CHRIS TENZIN
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NOVEMBER 27, 2020 “Why don’t you go back to where you came from?”
STORIES
A Guide: Explaining BLM to my Asian Immigrant Parents BY MINHEE HAN
What an interesting request. Where I’m from? Where I’m really from? Are we talking about Madison, the capital city of Wisconsin? Or perhaps you just mean Wisconsin, in the more general sense? Or, even broader, the United States? No? No, I didn’t think so.
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OCTOBER 18, 2020 Like many other Asian American teens living through this pivotal time in the Black Lives Matter movement, I found myself struggling to talk to my Asian immigrant parents about certain issues. It wasn’t the fear that they would angrily disagree with me, but rather the uncertainty of where to even start such a conversation. There is no question about the deep, personal struggles both my parents faced from the moment they entered this country. They came in hopes of providing a better future for their children, but moving to a foreign country presents its obvious difficulties. There was this fine line between educating them on a topic they didn’t know much about, and carefully doing so in a way that would also acknowledge their past experiences with racism. But I also understood from the very beginning of these humanitarian issues coming to light, that this was a distinctly pressing situation that needed to be heard and addressed.
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ART
Artist Spotlight: Hana Pak BY EVONNE LAO AND CINDY QIANG NOVEMBER 21, 2020
“The things that give me the most inspiration are the things that have the most feelings or emotions, like sadness” If I were to be an inanimate object, my friends would describe me as a black marker because i feel like I have a lot of projects going on that I’ll start, and I am a person that doesn’t follow along like I have my day planned and I know what I will do at each hour. I sometimes regret what I do, but I can’t really erase it, so I am trying to live my life without regrets. You have to learn to like whatever you have done.
read more 36 Blog Highlight
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Blog Highlight 37
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FOOD
The Six Bowls of Chinese Noodles That I Crave All Year Long BY TIFFANY WEI
NOVEMBER 16, 2020 Whenever people talk about staples in Chinese food culture, they always think of rice, while noodles are often left in the shadow. However, the traditional saying “North Noodles, South Rice” demonstrates the equal significance of noodles in Chinese cuisine. Growing up in Shanghai, China, I was fortunate to have experienced the extensiveness and profoundness of Chinese food culture, either through traveling or exploring regional restaurants within the city.
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A “Sweet” Trip Down Memory Lane BY CAROL WU
OCTOBER 23, 2020 When we’re living away from home, those moments of longing and nostalgia are unavoidable, but we can bring back those feelings of home and familiarity through the comfort of foods. As a child, I often took comfort in the soy bean pudding we bought from the street vendor in Flushing and the fried golden buns. As a college student, I don’t have much cooking experiences, but I did my best to recreate my childhood favorites and would like to share some of the recipes for those with minimal experiences, just like myself.
read more
The Team Blog Editor: Candice Chiang Senior - Media, Culture and Communication Blog Deputy Editor: Phoebe Chuang Senior - Media, Culture and Communication
38 Blog Highlight
Bloggers: Carol Wu Amy Chiang Jack Li Victoria Maung Emily Lin Tiffany Wei LeAnn Mai Khanh Ho Minhee Han
Michael Lo Jaehyoung Ju Alicia Zhu Christina Tenzin Luc Yokoi Kelly Mao Jaime Cao Lauren Cheung Jihoon Yang
MEDIA HIGHLIGHT
check out our videos at youtube.com/nyugenerasian
Level Chef: Making a simple steamed egg dish may be harder than you think! Two pairs of siblings face off in a challenge that tests their Cantonese and culinary expertise.
Fall 2020 media team Media Editors: Joseph Lee Kelly Sheng Marva Shi Media Team Members: Caitlin Chien Kunga Divie Alex Gutierrez Victoria Ng Priscilla Song Annie Williams
Everyday Asian Superstitions: We explored different well-known Asian superstitions through mixed media storytelling the origins of some of these tales may be surprising!
Special Thanks: Carina Chien Anna Ng
BEHIND THE SCENES:
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Media Highlight 39
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40 Meet the Eboard
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