Guide to Modern Pedestrianism

Contortion:

The city is the occupational hazard of living in the city. Necessary skills are the following— masquerade, mutilation, panoptic attention, intimidation, cruelty, speed, decisiveness, indignity, premeditation, contortion.

“Becoming” a pedestrian will be equivalent to “becoming” something you haven’t seen in yourself. It isn’t acting. Your personae are the culmination of your primal urges and responses. Together, I will teach you how to twist them to your will. You will learn to strategically give into the wild. You will be safe and arrive at your destination. Eventually, this process will come naturally, and you will be able to fluidly weaponize your adrenaline. Each woman’s practice differs from the next. However, below are some useful archetypes to draw from.

The Knife & Whetstone:

Consider a whetstone. Thinning your blade is analogous to thinning the murk in your brain. With each step, hone the other side of the knife. Right, left, right, left, right, left, ad nauseum. Become calculation. The average reaction time of a human is around 0.25 seconds, so aim for 0.13. At all times, awake yourself to the certainty that you are being hunted. The flesh that is rushing past you is capable of [everything]. Contact is volatile, unpredictable, and will result in—

Consider a knife. The knife doesn’t lift itself and descend upon its victim. In fact, the knife is the victim, an instrument of severing. People cut what they choose using the body of the knife. Every knife has no qualities besides— sharpness, weight, and serration. However, touching a blade will cause bleeding. Be this. Emanate caution. Be unwise to handle. Sharpen your skin with the whetstone until human contact makes all parties bleed. Keep a running count of the surrounding arms nearby, and which veins to split should they outreach. Observe those around you. Discern their motive. Know that you’re wrong. Know that all things are lethal. Do not be child-proof.

The Man:

You are now a man. You are now a passing caricature of confidence. To the untrained eye, embody carelessness. To the trained eye, embody competence. As if you’ve never been groped. As if you are hungry for lunch. As if the muscle in your back is assurance enough to keep walking. Control your breathing to leisure. Force a yawn even. Load your step to fall heavy. You urinate in the street. You have abrasive stubble. You haven’t considered anything today, except for the gorgeous ass on the crying woman walking ahead of you. You, for fun, provoke her into quickening her pace. Be dirt.

The Coyote:

You are now a coyote. Actually, you may choose any predator you wish. When deciding upon your animal, consider the following criteria— untamed, gnashing, wicked, stalking, carnivorous, crazed, deafening. Examples of successful predators include hyena, cassowary, or cannibal. However, for the purpose of this guide, you are a coyote.

Mania is constructive. Overpower it. Bathe in it. Manipulate it to the point of its orgasm. Your fear will elevate you, but fear isn’t enough. What happens if someone touches/grabs/takes/grips/deforms/gets you? And they’d laugh about it after. Kill or be killed. You haven’t thought that far ahead yet, have you? Ridiculous girl. Stupid. Idiotic. Your stride is so timid. Walk faster. We’re hunting.

In preparation: Walk with premeditation. In your head, rehearse how to snap a neck. Obsess over the details, the feeling in your hands. It should simulate a wrenching motion. Before it happens, you should already anticipate the vibration of bone crumbling through the back of the throat and esophagus. Optionally, carry an unloaded gun. Optionally, load it. Continue walking.

EDITORIAL: ENSOR STULL

PHOTOGRAPHY: SAMANTHA EDELMAN

CREATIVE DIRECTION: ENSOR STULL

MODEL: MARGARET NELSON

In the event of an approaching vehicle: Your animal eyes should be glassy and reflective—anticipatory. The driver should be able to see themselves in the whites as clearly as if they checked their rearview mirror. Remind them that if they hit you, they would be met with your soft carcass. Remind them they would have to dispose of your disgusting body and their disgusting guilt. Continue walking.

In the event of a threat: In your jowls, howl and howl and howl and howl and clamp down and crunch through and swallow and devour and lick your mangled lips. Look down at the concrete. Huh, it’s red. Take a moment to enjoy yourself briefly, but continue walking.