What Happens When
You Have Already Died a Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts? by LaShon N. Sawyer, MSSA, PhD, LISW-S
There is a tongue-in-cheek phrase suggesting that one can die from 1000 paper cuts. It implies that one small superficial cut will not likely kill you, but if you endure one thousand of these same small cuts, then this stressful situation feels like a slow death is looming. What do you do when the paper cuts keep coming before you can begin to apply the salve to the most recent paper cut? How do you cope with the pain of 1000 paper cuts simultaneously? Can you continue on when it feels like death by paper cuts changes from a metaphor to a reality? This was my reality starting in 2004. In June of that year, I received news that would give me feelings of exhilaration and devastation within less than a 30-day period. During the first week of the month, my family and I received the sad news that my father’s second battle with cancer was declared terminal. The cancer had
spread from his lungs to his brain. The chemo, radiation, and clinical trials were not working as we had hoped. As a certified-grade-A daddy’s girl, this was a huge blow for me to hear this news. My father was my original superhero, my first love, and the essence of all things a father should be. My 30th birthday was only days away, when I found out that my life with my father was coming to an end. By all outward appearances, society had deemed me an adult based on my age, career success and responsibilities, but I felt like a mere child when I heard this news. I don’t think there is ever an age that is “appropriate” to lose a parent, but I didn’t feel I was adult enough to bare this news. This paper cut was definitely going to leave a mark that I questioned if this wound would ever heal. As I readied myself to enjoy these last days
SPRING | SUMMER 2021 | 9
