features Why I Don’t Label my Sexuality by Indi Scott Whitehouse
When I was 14, I sat my parents down on the sofa and burst into tears as I told them that I was experiencing an attraction to women. As they asked why I was crying my only answer was “I think maybe I’m bisexual? But I don’t know what I am”. In hindsight, I was crying at the pressure of labelling my attraction. In a friendship group of people who all labelled their sexuality in different ways but were all individually empowered and confident with them, I felt that I needed to do the same. It was my Dad who helped me realise “you don’t have to define your sexuality at all if you don’t want to”. For a very long time (and still fairly often), I find myself feeling unable to confidently express my sexuality. As a straight-passing cis girl who has had far more experience with men in heteronormative uni hook up culture, I often convinced myself that my lack of a label meant that I wasn’t a valid part of the LGBTQ+ community so often found myself labelled an ally, or on occasion the “straight best friend” by someone who assumed my sexuality. I am very aware of my straight-passing privilege, and that I have not experienced the worst extents of homophobic bullying and abuse that my peers have; for a time, this made me feel selfish to even attempt to identify with the community. Of course, it was mostly my own insecurities that led to this, and, after discussions with friends, I have been made to feel comfortable and supported by the community as I come to terms with my sexuality.
I feel that I have so much more of my life to go through and so many more experiences to have. I enjoy the fact that I can be whoever I want to be, and the fluidity of my sexuality leaves me feeling free to enter different situations in my life without feeling categorised by anyone else against my will. I feel privileged to be in a situation where I longer feel expected to exclusively label my sexuality and I am part of an incredible support network of people who both label and don’t label their sexualities, and who all appreciate each other’s variety of decisions when it comes to defining our sexual attraction. Labels or no labels, we are all empowered and reassured by one another. design by: Maja Metera
A combination of elderly relatives and family friends labelling bisexual and pansexual relatives “greedy”, an ex-boyfriend challenging my attendance to a gay club on a night club with “well you’re not gay, are you? So, what are you doing going there?” and the consistency of sleazy male attention on nights out left me feeling caught up and pressured into ignoring the fluidity of my sexuality. I have experienced attraction to various genders and am slowly becoming more and more comfortable with that fact and trying not to be intimidated by the knowledge that I maybe don’t always conform to the expectations people may have of me. Coming out of my last heterosexual relationship, downloading Tinder for the first time and selecting “show me everyone” was an empowering relief. It felt so freeing to know that I could meet and talk to anyone and that people didn’t expect me to exclusively talk to or flirt with one gender anymore. My decision not to label myself is becoming increasingly acknowledged and supported by my friends. I feel empowered by my choice to not label myself, and I support my family and friends’ decisions to label themselves because I understand that different things empower different people.
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