Television
Page 24
December 1 2003
riathsragweek@cf.ac.uk
Monday 1 December BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
06.00 Breakfast 09.00 Kilroy 10.00 Homes under the Hammer 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.30 Eggheads 13.00 BBC News; Weather 13.30 Regional News and Weather 13.40 Neighbours 14.05 Doctors 14.35 Murder, She Wrote 15.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15.25 CBeebies: Boo! 15.35 Bob the Builder 15.45 CBBC: Stuart Little 16.05 Metalheads 16.20 Eureka TV 16.35 Jackie Chan Adventures 17.00 Blue Peter The first advent candle is lit, then forcibly inserted into Richard Bacon, John Leslie and Janet Ellis’ anuses in an attempt to boost Konnie’s morale. “See, it could be worse!” 17.25 Newsround 17.35 Neighbours Nina learns of Jack's betrayal. Jack, you’re just greedy, you voracious pig-bottom. Susan is surprised when Lou judges her harshly, and is left bleeding for days. 18.00 BBC News 18.30 Wales Today; Weather 19.00 Holiday 2004 19.30 X Ray 20.00 EastEnders News of Phil's plight reaches the Square. Expect Dot to spout something from Ecclesiastes. 20.30 Changing Rooms 21.00 Merseybeat 22.00 BBC News 22.30 Regional News and Weather 22.35 Trail of Guilt: Without Words 23.15 FILM: The Last Seduction **** 01.00 Sign Zone: A Life of Grime 01.35 Sign Zone: Celebrity Dog School 02.05 Time Flyers 02.35 Sign Zone: The Blue Planet 03.25 Joins BBC News 24
06.00 CBeebies: Yoho Ahoy 06.10 Fireman Sam 06.20 Fimbles 06.40 Tweenies 07.00 CBBC: ChuckleVision 07.20 Rotten Ralph 07.30 I Love Mummy 08.00 Newsround 08.05 Raven 08.30 CBeebies: Tweenies Count to Christmas; The Story Makers 08.55 Pingu 09.00 Tweenies 09.20 Wide Eye 09.30 Fimbles 09.50 Teletubbies 10.20 Andy Pandy 10.25 Stingray 10.50 English Express 11.10 Megamaths 11.30 Let's Write a Story 11.50 Social Inclusion 12.10 Around Scotland 12.30 Working Lunch 13.00 Numbertime 13.15 Words and Pictures 13.30 Wildlife on Two 14.00 FILM: Bachelor Knight **** 15.30 Escape to the Country 16.30 Ready Steady Cook 17.15 Weakest Link 18.00 The Simpsons 18.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 18.45 Time Commanders 19.30 Landscape Mysteries: The Terraces of Avalon 20.00 Theatre of Dreams 20.30 University Challenge 21.00 Room 101 This week Ross Noble tries to get Craig David and Christian rock banished. Let’s hope he does. 21.30 Absolute Power 22.00 Little Britain 22.30 Newsnight 23.20 BBC Four on BBC Two: Gerald Scarfe: Drawing Blood 00.15 What the Romans Did for Us 00.30 BBC Learning Zone: Open University: Civil War 01.00 Ever Wondered? 01.30 Open Advice: A Different Way of Learning 02.00 Secondary Schools - Geography: Mapping of Crime/Living with Globalisation 04.00 Languages: Working with the Spanish/Working with the Japanese 05.00 Confidence
06.00 GMTV 09.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 13.00 Today with Des and Mel 14.00 Love 2 Shop 14.30 Prized Possessions 15.00 HTV News and Weather 15.15 Meg and Mog 15.20 Boohbah 15.30 All Grown Up! 16.00 All Grown Up! 16.30 My Parents Are Aliens 17.00 The Christmas Show 18.00 HTV News and Weather 18.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 19.00 Emmerdale Marlon faces the prospect of setting up home with his wife and his pregnant lover. Eugh, pregnant women have loose minges. Don’t do it, Marlon! Siobhan is stunned to discover that Ronnie is offering more than just a shoulder to cry on. He’s offering felching sessions too. 19.30 Coronation Street 20.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 20.30 Coronation Street Sarah and Todd resort to drastic action to put an end to Brenda's interference. Get them and their dramatic ways. 21.00 Between the Sheets there are scabies samples, herpes crusts, a bit of jizz and the remains of a brown shower. 22.00 ITV News at Ten 22.30 The Frank Skinner Show 23.20 The Premiership on Monday 00.20 Champions League Weekly 00.50 Football League Extra 01.30 Today with Des and Mel 02.15 Now and Again 03.00 Entertainment Now! 03.25 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 03.50 Get Stuffed! 04.00 ITV Nightscreen
BBC 3
ITV 2
19.00 The 7 O'Clock News on BBC Three 19.15 Jamiroquai Re:covered 19.30 SAS: Are You Tough Enough? 20.00 Liquid News with Vernon Kay. Poor Vernon, he looks a bit ill. Maybe it’s his extremely long cock that snakes down his trousers that is debilitating him of any other power. 20.30 What Not to Wear 21.00 Liquid Assets: Keanu Reeves' Millions 22.00 EastEnders Phil's fears are deepened when he realises the full implications of his loss. “No! My last hair has gone!” 22.30 Little Britain 23.00 Monkey Dust 23.30 Gimme Gimme Gimme 00.00 Liquid News 00.30 Liquid Assets: Keanu Reeves' Millions 01.25 Little Britain 01.55 Monkey Dust 02.25 Dreamspaces 02.55 Art in the City 03.25 Liquid News
09.25 Coronation Street 09.55 Airline 10.30 Trisha Extra 11.00 Sally Jessy Raphael 11.50 Judge Judy 12.40 Coronation Street 13.10 Airline 13.40 Trisha 14.45 Trisha Extra 15.15 The John Walsh Show 16.05 Sally Jessy Raphael 16.55 Judge Judy 17.45 Confessions I fancy TV John. 18.00 Coronation Street 18.30 Airline 19.00 Jerry Springer 19.50 Movies Now 20.00 Planet's Funniest Animals 20.30 Champions League 21.00 Take My Mother-inLaw I prefer necrophilia. 22.00 Million Dollar Babes 22.30 Coronation Street 23.00 Coronation Street 23.30 Harry Hill's TV Burp 00.00 SWAT: The Movie 00.30 Jerry Springer 01.20 Late Show with David
Take My Mother-InLaw ITV2 9pm
G-String Divas five 12.35am
S4C
five
06.05 The Hoobs 06.30 The Hoobs 06.55 RI:SE 09.00 Bewitched 09.30 Ysgolion 12.00 News at Noon 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Ribidires 12.45 Planed Plant Bach: Caleb 12.55 Planed Plant Bach: Mr Men and Little Miss 13.00 Planed Plant Bach: Bibi 13.15 A Place in the Sun 14.15 A Place in the Sun 15.15 Countdown 16.00 Planed Plant: Troeon Tristan 16.15 Planed Plant: Dennis a Dannedd 16.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 17.00 Richard and Judy 18.00 The Salon 18.30 Xtra Siwan tries to ease her conscience. “But it was only me and my cucumber...how bad can that look?” Cheryl and Karl face an important decision, but decide that their original plan of buying a boat and turning into a floating brothel is the best thing they’ve thought up all year. Beats the ‘ribbing on a rollercoaster’ plan they had the year before anyway. 19.00 Wedi 7 19.30 Newyddion 20.00 Cefn Gwlad: Glyn Jones 20.30 Y Ffair Aeaf 21.00 Pobol y Cwm A last chance for Kelly, as she duets with Ozzy in a desperate attempt to swipe the Christmas number 1. 21.30 Sgorio 22.35 No Going Back: Return to the French Alps 23.35 V Graham Norton 00.15 Ancient Egyptians 01.15 Will and Grace 01.40 Will and Grace 02.05 FILM: Orphans *** 04.00 Ysgolion
06.00 Sunrise 06.30 A House That's Just like Yours 06.55 Hi-5 07.30 Make Way for Noddy 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 08.30 Rolie Polie Olie 08.55 MechaNick 09.05 Franny's Feet 09.20 Softies 09.25 Life Blood 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 The Terry and Gaby Show 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs 13.30 BrainTeaser 14.35 The Streets of San Francisco 15.40 FILM: The World's Oldest Living Bridesmaid All about me. I never want to get married. What’s the point when there is knob rot on tap in the union? ** 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away Kirsty goes to extreme lengths to secure her future, and sells pictures of her minge covered in marmalade to Enrique Iglesias. Maybe. 18.30 Family Affairs Pete is questioned by the police about Roy's death. It’s always the quiet ones. 19.00 five news 19.30 19 Keys 20.00 Building the Ultimate 20.30 Fifth Gear 21.00 FILM: Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms ** 22.45 FILM: Twist of Fate ** 00.35 G-string Divas It’s back! I make a guest appearance. 01.10 NFL Update 02.00 Now Is the Time: Night of Combat - Kick Boxing 02.50 2003 Winter X Games 03.30 Argentinian Football Highlights 04.20 Argentinian Football
E4
SKY 1
C4
10.00 The Salon Live 17.00 Friends Rachel and Phoebe compete to be Monica's maid of honour, and tussle in egg white to vie for her attention. This series will do anything to be watched. 17.30 Friends 18.00 Good Morning Miami 18.30 The Salon Live 19.00 Dawson's Creek 20.00 Friends 20.30 Friends 21.00 Dawson's Creek 22.00 Sex and the City 22.30 Little Friends 23.05 The Bronx Bunny Show 23.35 Porn: A Family Business: Las VegASS A tenpart documentary chronicling the life of porn producer and director Adam Glasser. Adam takes on the role of presenter at the Adult Video Awards in Las Vegas. Starring TV Andy as Butt Beauty 2003. 00.15 V Graham Norton 00.50 The Salon 01.20 Hollyoaks 01.50 Dawson's Creek 02.40 Sex and the City 03.10 The Bronx Bunny Show
06.00 Dr Phil 07.00 Malo Korrigan 07.30 Yu-Gi-Oh! 08.00 Gamezville 09.00 Stargate SG-1 10.00 The X Files 11.00 Angel 12.00 Dharma and Greg 12.25 Jenny Jones 13.20 Dr Phil 14.15 FILM: Earth Angel ** 16.00 Relic Hunter I search in vain for a neanderthal cock. 17.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 18.00 Stargate SG-1 19.00 The Simpsons 19.30 The Simpsons 20.00 Stargate SG-1 21.00 Stephen King's Carrie 22.20 Uncut! Kirsty's Home Videos 22.50 South Park Mr Hankey turns up to celebrate Christmas in South Park. But Kyle's mother objects to his participation because he is Jewish. “Classic.” 23.20 Star Trek: The Next Generation 00.20 The X Files 01.20 Angel 02.15 JAG 03.05 South Park 03.30 Cops 03.55 British Tribes 04.45 Dirty Money 05.10 Guilty!
As S4C, except: 06.00 The Trap Door 09.30 4Learning: You Looking at Me? 10.45 Animated Tales of the World. 11.00 The Hoobs. 11.25 Marchen und Geschichten. 11.40 Think Business. 12.30 Cheers 13.00 FILM: The Pure Hell of St Trinian's ** 14.45 Fifteen to One 15.15 Countdown 16.00 A Place in the Sun 18.30 Hollyoaks 19.00 Channel 4 News 19.55 Turner Prize 20.00 Salvage Squad: Gyroplane 21.00 Brinks-Mat: The Greatest Heist Conclusion to a two-part documentary on the infamous heist of November 1983. Watch in the hope that you may work out where the gold is... 22.00 V Graham Norton 22.40 FILM: Gattaca *** 00.40 FILM: Get Real ** 02.40 Do I Love You? Er, no. You smell like come and you read TV listings. Bad idea... 03.55 Hair: It's All Good 04.00 4Learning: Number Crew 2. 5.40 Making It.
Monday 1 December