Friday
Today in your Union
Page 24
March 8-14 2004
TVJohn@longhairedhippy.com
LASHTASTIC With Chris Kaye (vibe 101) Solus 10pm – 2am £3 All bottles £1.50
GAMES ROOM
Third Floor of the Students’ Union Open til 12am Mon-Sat, 10.30pm Sun Fully Licensed until 11pm. Sky Sports, Video Games Pool only 70p per game American Pool £1.70 per half hour and Snooker £1.40 per half hour.
THE TAF
Frantic Friday: Java and Castle £1
Top of the Pops BBC1 7.30pm
FILM: BAPS five 1.35am
The Premierships Greatest... C4 12.05pm
The Grill E4 6pm
06.00 Breakfast 09.30 Trading Treasures 10.00 Garden Invaders 10.30 Cash in the Attic 11.30 House Invaders 12.00 Bargain Hunt 12.30 Through the Keyhole 13.00 BBC News; Weather 13.30 Regional News and Weather 13.40 Neighbours 14.05 Doctors 14.35 The Father Dowling Mysteries 15.20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 15.25 CBeebies: Tweenies 15.45 CBBC: Arthur 16.00 ChuckleVision 16.15 Intergalactic Kitchen 16.40 What's New Scooby Doo? 17.00 Blue Peter 17.25 Newsround 17.35 Neighbours Lou invests everything in’Hello Dolly’, his sexy franchise destined to set the world of the plastic-fantastic obsessed lonely perverts of Ramsay Street on fire. 18.00 BBC News 18.30 Wales Today 19.00 A Question of Sport 19.30 Top of the Pops Anastacia, Janet Jackson and Nelly Furtado. Titless, Tits Out, and a woman who wants to be one, then. 20.00 EastEnders 20.30 My Family Reloaded: Special 21.00 The Worst Week of My Life 21.30 Wild West Wasn’t this shit? What’s worse, the fact the original bag of toss is being repeated, or the fact this could be a brand spanking new bag of toss? 22.00 BBC News 22.30 Regional News and Weather 22.35 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 23.30 Boxing 01.05 FILM: The Young and the Reckless: the Cool and the Crazy ** 02.30 Joins BBC News 24
06.00 CBeebies: Fimbles 06.20 Teletubbies 06.45 Clifford the Big Red Dog 07.00 CBBC: Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles 07.20 All or Nothing 07.50 Flint the Time Detective 08.10 Mona the Vampire 08.25 Newsround 08.30 CBeebies: Tweenies 08.50 Bob the Builder 09.00 The Shiny Show 09.20 Rubbadubbers 09.30 Teletubbies 10.00 Fimbles 10.20 Magic Key 10.35 Watch 10.50 Science Clips 11.00 Let's Write Non-Fiction 11.20 BBC Primary History 11.40 BBC Primary Geography 12.00 The Phil Silvers Show 12.30 Working Lunch 13.30 Rugby Special 14.15 Trade Secrets 14.25 FILM: Sherlock Holmes in Washington Implausiblesounding detective drama. ** 15.30 Animal Park 16.30 Ready Steady Cook 17.15 Weakest Link 18.00 The Simpsons 18.25 Three's a Crowd 18.50 Scrum V Live Celtic Warriors v UIster. 21.00 Gardeners' World 21.30 Nile Documentary about a big river. GCSE Geography oral presentation coursework flashbacks ensue. 22.20 The Flying Gardener 23.00 Newsnight Review 23.35 The X Files 00.15 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 01.00 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 02.00 BBC Learning Zone: Open University and General Interest: The Emperor's Gift 02.30 Understanding Music: A Change of Key? 03.00 The Palazzo Pubblico, Siena 03.30 Mexico City - Whose City? 04.00 Insights into Violence 04.30 Global Firms in the Industrialising East 05.00 Reinventing the City Overuse of the word “city” in tonight’s Open University offerings. 05.50 Ever Wondered?
06.00 GMTV 09.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 This Morning: Battle of the Brides 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 13.00 Today with Des and Mel 14.00 Everything Must Go! 14.30 24 Hour Quiz 15.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 15.15 Hilltop Hospital 15.25 Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends 15.35 What about Mimi? 16.00 As Told by Ginger 16.30 Teen Angel 17.00 You've Been Framed! With Johnny Wanker. 17.15 24 Hour Quiz 18.00 ITV1 Wales 18.30 ITV Evening News; 19.00 Emmerdale Val continues to hang around the antiques barn. The Emmerdale bike sheds/red light district. 19.30 Coronation Street Mike is in turmoil over his future at Underworld. Shouting ‘lager lager...’ Did anyone ever wonder what the ‘mega mega white thing’ mentioned in that song was supposed to be? 20.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 20.30 Inspector Morse Hoitytoity guff with overintelligent philosophising about degree students and opera singers. Fuck you, Morse. If you weren’t already pushing up the daisies, I’d be getting you a one way ticket to Midsomer, pronto. 22.30 ITV News 23.00 Change for the Better? 23.30 Harry Hill's TV Burp 00.00 24 Hour Quiz 01.00 2DTV 01.30 Undeclared 02.00 Entertainment Now! 02.25 CD:UK Hotshots 02.50 Today with Des and Mel 03.40 Tonight with Trevor McDonald 04.55 ITV Nightscreen
06.10 The Hoobs 06.35 The Hoobs 07.00 The Fit Farm 07.30 Friends 08.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 08.30 The Bernie Mac Show 09.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 News at Noon 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Mymryn Bach 12.35 Planed Plant Bach: Twm 12.45 Planed Plant Bach: Pot Mel 13.15 A Place in the Sun 13.45 Perfect Getaway 14.15 Making Space 14.45 Beat the Nation 15.15 Countdown 16.00 Planed Plant: Uned 5 16.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 17.00 Richard and Judy 18.00 The Fit Farm 18.30 Rownd a Rownd: 19.30 Newyddion 20.00 Pobol y Cwm Has Steffan forced Beryl to change her will? Will Darren tell the truth about the E tablets? 20.25 Cariad at Iaith 21.30 Friends 22.00 Sex and the City 22.40 NY Graham Norton 23.40 Black Books Brilliant, brilliant television. Long overdue too. I know Andy will have gone on about it, so I won’t. But watch it for the good of everyone. 00.10 Banzai 00.40 The Comedy Lab 01.10 South Park 01.40 King of the Hill 02.05 Futurama 02.30 Tour of Langkawi 02.55 Skiing on 4 Actually, Black Books is so good that just after series two came out, I watched the first series on DVD all in one afternoon, and I decided I had enough similarities to Bernard that I started drinking wine all the time and generally being rude to people more than usual. This culminated in me being sick all over the stairs at ‘All Tomorrow’s Parties’ and not having very many friends. There is NO higher recommendation.
06.00 Sunrise 06.30 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 06.55 Hi-5 07.30 Franny's Feet 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 08.30 Rolie Polie Olie 08.55 MechaNick 09.05 Softies 09.10 Monkey Makes 09.20 Why? 09.25 Memory Bank 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 The Terry and Gaby Show 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs 13.30 BrainTeaser 14.35 The Streets of San Francisco 15.35 FILM: McLeod's Daughters ** 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.30 Donald Judd At Tate 20.00 House Doctor 20.30 Dream Holiday Home 21.00 FILM: The Patriot ** 22.45 FILM: Red Scorpion * 00.45 The Shield 01.35 FILM: BAPS With Halle Berry, who isn’t attractive or talented. Surely the first person to ever say that. * 03.05 Short Story Cinema 03.40 Beverly Hills, 90210 04.25 Beverly Hills, 90210 05.10 Sons and Daughters 05.35 Sons and Daughters Blah blah blah this week’s TV Desk has been soundtracked everywhere except in here by the music of Labradford, The Constantines, Usher, Thrice, Coheed and Cambria, Yo La Tengo, The Wild, The Innocent And The E Street Shuffle by Bruce Springsteen, and the absolutely beautiful The Dead Crow by Songs: Ohia. All available from your local record store. Or from me, if you want to come round my house and borrow them. Not. Oh no! I just re-edited the grey box because I hadn’t done it properly, and I’m left with a gaping hole the size of Arkansas to try and fill. Oh...
19.00 The 7 O'Clock News 19.15 Three's a Crowd 19.45 3 Non-Blondes 20.00 Live at Johnny's 20.30 EastEnders 21.00 Pulling Moves 21.30 Pulling Moves 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 EastEnders Revealed 23.00 Little Britain 23.30 The Practice 00.10 Live at Johnny's 00.40 Sex, Warts and All Down Under 01.10 Three's a Crowd 01.40 Hercules 02.10 SAS Survival Secrets 02.40 Live at Johnny's 03.10 Westminster Wannabes A distinct example of dumbing down here, as it sounds suspiciously like a Pop Idol/General Election crossover. Urgh. In case you’ve ever wondered, we get our pictures for our pages using image search on Google. This is a never ending source of amusement, as pretty much anything you type in, such as “chair” or “bottle”, results in cheap pornography with chairs and bottles in. You’d never guess what happened when we typed in “hermaphrodite.” Yes! That’s right - a picture of Morrissey.
09.25 Coronation Street 09.55 Emmerdale 10.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11.15 Judge Judy 12.30 Coronation Street 13.00 Emmerdale 13.30 Airline 14.00 Trisha 15.00 24 Hour Quiz Live 17.15 Judge Judy 18.00 24 Hour Quiz Live 19.00 Jerry Springer 19.50 Movies Now Films on view tonight include Starsky & Hutch and Honey, which sounds utterly horrendous and stars a load of supposedly cool rappers losing all their hip value in a matter of seconds. Although the Gap advert with Missy didn’t exactly increase her credibility. 20.00 Planet's Funniest Animals 20.30 American Idol 3 21.50 American Idol 3 22.40 Coronation Street 23.10 Club Reps Uncut 00.10 The Frank Skinner Show 00.45 Jerry Springer 01.35 Late Show with David Letterman 02.25 Teleshopping 03.25 ITV2 Nightscreen 04.20 Trisha 05.10 Late Show with David Letterman You can’t put a mobile phone in a photo album, you can’t put a text message in a lover’s box under your bed.
06.00 Dr Phil 07.00 Zoids 07.30 Batman 08.00 Gamezville 09.00 Stargate SG1 10.00 Alias 11.00 ER 11.55 Dharma and Greg 12.20 The Sharon Osbourne Show 13.00 The Russell Grant Show 14.15 FILM: Heart of Fire ** 16.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 17.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 18.00 Stargate SG-1 19.00 Max Magic 20.00 The Simpsons 20.30 The Simpsons 21.00 EuroMillions Live Draw 21.05 FILM: Hot Shots! Part Deux Assorted comments from Andy: “...not as good as the first. Good bits with chickens, duracell bunnies, kickboxing. Rowan Atkinson’s in it” ** 22.45 There's Something about Miriam 23.45 The Premiership's Greatest... Matches 00.05 The Premiership's Greatest... Players With Jason Lee. 01.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 01.50 Star Trek: The Next Generation 02.40 ER 03.30 JAG 04.20 The X Files 05.10 The Sharon Osbourne Show
14.00 The Fit Farm 14.30 Less Than Perfect 14.50 Perfect Match USA 15.40 ER 16.35 Hollyoaks 17.00 Friends 17.30 Less Than Perfect 18.00 The Grill With Vernon Kay interviewing heavy metal band Gwar, which is a preposterous idea. Gwar, if you’re interested, have been around donkey’s years and wear masks à la Slipknot but are even more ridiculous and sound like a thrashing eel being poked with a cocktail stick.18.30 Five Go Dating 19.00 Perfect Match USA 20.00 The Fit Farm 20.30 Friends 21.00 No Angels 22.00 Without a Trace 23.00 The Secret Life of Us Gabrielle has a crisis as she defends a male flasher. 00.00 Oz ^ Look... do you think E4 chose to put Oz on at midnight so that it would spell out “0000Oz”? 01.05 Hollyoaks 01.35 No Angels 02.30 Without a Trace 03.10 The Secret Life of Us Time is ticking away. The boys are back in town spdpdfog, we.
08.30 Cheers 09.00 Beat the Nation 09.30 4Learning 9.30 Hot Wired. 9.55 All Together Now. 10.15 The Hoobs. 10.40 The Number Crew 2. 10.50 Okey Cokey Karaoke. 11.05 Physical Processes 3. 11.25 Jacqueline Wilson. 11.40 On the Map. 12.30 Icons: Marlene Dietrich 12.45 FILM: The Quiller Memorandum *** 15.15 Countdown 16.00 Perfect Getaway 16.30 Making Space 18.30 Hollyoaks 19.00 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather. 19.30 Without Prejudice? 20.30 Friends 21.00 Friends 21.30 Will and Grace 23.40 Banzai 00.15 South Park 00.45 The Grill Just incase you haven’t got E4, you can see old Vern’ interviewing Gwar on terrestrial. 01.15 King of the Hill. 01.40 Futurama 02.05 20 Things to Do before You're 30 02.30 Skiing on 4: Alpine World Cup 04.15 Fire Mummies of the Philippines Programmes with titles like this really shouldn’t be left to waste in the early hours of Saturday morning. The Egyptians? Pah.