The Madison Unitarian | November 2023

THE

NOVEMBER 2023

M A D I S O N U N I TA R I A N

Generosity

IN THIS ISSUE November’s theme is: Generosity Poem: Any Common Desolation 3 From the Editor 4 From the Ministers 5 From the Board 6 Poem: The Birds

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Adult Programs

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Poem: November Night 9 Art in the Wright Place 10-11 A Month of Services

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Community Information 14 Contact Us

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Cover photo by Molly Backes 2

THE MADISON UNITARIAN

Any Common Desolation can be enough to make you look up at the yellowed leaves of the apple tree, the few that survived the rains and frost, shot with late afternoon sun. They glow a deep orange-gold against a blue so sheer, a single bird would rip it like silk. You may have to break your heart, but it isn’t nothing to know even one moment alive. The sound of an oar in an oarlock or a ruminant animal tearing grass. The smell of grated ginger.

The ruby neon of the liquor store sign.

Warm socks. You remember your mother, her precision a ceremony, as she gathered the white cotton, slipped it over your toes, drew up the heel, turned the cuff. A breath can uncoil as you walk across your own muddy yard, the big dipper pouring night down over you, and everything you dread, all you can’t bear, dissolves and, like a needle slipped into your vein— that sudden rush of the world.

Ellen Bass, 2016

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n the picture she sends me, my friend Linda looks relaxed: eyes closed, head slightly tilted, an almost-smile on her lips, a fleecy white blanket around her neck. “My shoulders have been super tight, so I bought an electric heating pad for them,” she texts.

I study the photo, admiring (as I always do) the gorgeous cascade of silver strands highlighting her dark hair and smiling at the little tableau vivant she’s enacted in order to illustrate her bliss. Before I can respond, she reassures me that the heating pad has an automatic shutoff, so it won’t burn the house down.

FROM THE EDITOR Molly Backes, Communications Coordinator

insult or threaten her—but even the seemingly innocuous replies begin to feel like battery over time.

It makes perfect sense that people would attempt to avoid the criticism barrage by frontloading every comment with disclaimers.

Offline, most of us tend to give each other more leeway in conversation, assuming a certain degree of good intent behind another person’s words, even if we don’t fully agree with what they’re saying. With the exception of certain political arenas, we don’t move through the world like prosecuting attorneys, ready to pounce on the slightest gaff.

We’re more charitable with our friends and loved ones, willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

But could we be more generous? I know I could.

I type, “Naturally anxious + extremely online = preemptively reassuring me that your heating pad When I started thinking about generosity of inis safe.” terpretation, I made a mental list of how much true generosity costs: time, attention, presence, “Haaaaa,” she replies. “TRUTH BOMB.” patience, empathy, curiosity, humility... it’s a lot!

This impulse to anticipate and defuse criticism is It takes much less effort to jump to conclusions. something I recognize in many of my friends who And how many times have you found yourself only spend time in the trenches of social media dis- half-listening to someone because you’re busy or course. There’s something about the internet— distracted or in a hurry or frustrated or tired? The maybe it’s the relative anonymity, or that quick hit world demands so much of us that it can be hard of dopamine you get when someone responds to to find the energy and attention we need to fully you, I don’t know—that turns normal people into engage with another person on a soul level. When complete jerks. Post something about enjoying a you’re feeling depleted, it can feel impossible to meal kit, and a stranger pops up out of nowhere to give someone else what you desperately need comment, “That’s just salmonella by mail!” Make a yourself. joke about tourists in New Mexico and someone’s immediately in your mentions going, “Oh, so now But that’s why the word generosity feels so fitting I’m not allowed to wear JEWELRY without getting here. It’s much easier to give when you feel flush; the real challenge is giving when you’re broke. In a CANCELED???” culture that rewards the quickest retort and hottest take, slowing down enough to give someone the It’s exhausting. benefit of the doubt feels like a radical act. And in For women and other people in marginalized an economy that depends on capturing as much of groups, these kinds of interactions can get scary your attention as possible, giving your full considfast—I think every woman I know with even a eration to the person in front of you might just be modicum of public visibility has had some stranger revolutionary. ◊

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THE MADISON UNITARIAN

JULY/AUGUST 2023

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FROM THE MINISTERS Rev. Kelly Crocker, Co-Senior Minister

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t's easy to find stories of generosity. It's the photo on Facebook from the coffee drive-thru window with a "pay it forward" latte. It's a six o'clock news story about a local child who made blankets for the animal shelter. Sometimes, the story is on a grander scale—the funding for cancer research or paying off the mortgage for a family at risk of becoming houseless. Generosity, it seems, is what makes for feel-good stories.

mountains. He was hungry, and she was happy to share her food. But as she opened her bag, the man saw the stone and he knew with this stone he would be able to eat all his favorite foods. His mouth watered imagining all the incredible flavors, all the ways his life would be filled with so much goodness.

“Instead of the food,” he asked, “can I have that stone?” The woman looked at him: “of course.”

And just like that, it was his. The man was so happy! He ran quickly away, afraid she would change her mind. A few days later, however the man appeared again, carrying the stone in his hands.

“Take it back” he said. “Instead, I hope you can give me something even more precious than this precious stone. I hope you can give me whatever it is within you that made it so easy for you, when I asked, to just give it away.”

We need these stories. In a world where wars rage on, where loneliness is an epidemic, where bitter ideology tears us from each other, where fear makes us hoard resources, we need the simple and grand scale of generosity. But more than stories, we need the spirit of generosity--to give without feeling entitled to a return on our investment. It is no coincidence that nearly every major spiritual tradition promotes a life of generosity because, at a fundamental level, we understand that we need each other.

As Unitarian Universalists, generosity challenges us not only to give from a place of abundance, In an essay on generosity, author Marilynne Rob- but to take a kinder and more compassionate apinson attempted to define the term only to con- proach in a harsh world. We are trying to learn clude that it “must be not to destroy. On a large how it is – when we are asked – to trust, to love, scale, what is not to be destroyed includes the to give of ourselves, to share our blessings, that peace of those who are deprived and exploited. It we can say an easy and great yes, to each other, includes the health of individuals and populations to ourselves, to this life we share. As the spoken whose share of the earth’s good things is wast- word poet Andrea Gibson writes: ed or corrupted because of gross inequalities of “I know most people try hard wealth, and also the health of the earth itself. It to do good and find out too late includes the integrity of any culture, especially our they should have tried softer.” own, which is presently afflicted with a crude and pointless cynicism, to the detriment of the whole May the spirit of generosity soften our hearts and world.” Generosity, it seems, isn’t just found in spread like wildfire in this hardened world.◊ giving but also an act of preserving.

There is a story of a wise woman who travelled all through the mountains. One day, she found a precious stone in a stream. She was so happy, and grateful. It could change her life. The next day she met a man traveling just like her through the SEPTEMBER 2023 NOVEMBER 2023

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FROM THE BOARD

Jennifer Seeker Conroy, Board President

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y cats are not very good at sharing. Iris and Athena are sisters, so you might expect some familial generosity, but you would be wrong. When we distribute an even number of treats, one cat inevitably eats hers as quickly as possible and then starts on the rest.

They always seem to be worried that there is not enough to go around. That food will run out and they will surely starve.

centers in our brains. We humans are complicated creatures however, and we don’t always do what is best for us and for others.

Cats have a reputation for being mostly Iris and Athena self-interested, but other members of the animal kingdom regularly demonstrate generosity. According to the report The Science of Generosity by Greater Good Society at UC Berkeley, species including ants, bees, birds, and monkeys regularly engage in behaviors that benefit others, often at their own expense.

Researchers suggest that generosity has evolutionary and biological advantages. By helping others, animals can support the survival of their species. The same can surely be said of humans.

Generosity goes far beyond financial contributions. The most meaningful generosity is often of other gifts like time, energy, talent, expertise, and attention. Generosity is personal and meaningful.

Writing a check for $100 can be a great sacrifice for some and a mere afterthought for others. But whatever the gifts we are inspired to share, the sum of our generosity is greater than the parts.

When we embrace a mindset of abundance, an attitude of love, and a spirit of responsibility, what we give comes back to us in the world we create. So, whether that’s to FUS, your family, or your community, embrace your innate generosity.

Don’t be like my cats. ◊

When I reflect on times that I have not been as generous as I could have been, it is when I am operating from a mindset of scarcity. I feel there is not enough to go around, so I need to hang on tightly to what I have. (Maybe not so different from my cats after all!) Or I feel resentful. Others Panic sets in when food and water bowls become aren’t pitching in so why should I? Of course, this empty overnight. They wake us up with urgent attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The tighter I cling to what’s “mine” the less I seem to have. As I meows and lead us opt out, others disengage too. to their overturned dishes. After we fill Conversely, the more I contribute, the more I the dishes, the alpha seem to have, almost like magic. It brings to mind cat of the two, Iris, one interpretation of the miracle of Jesus feedparks herself for a ing the 5,000 with just five loaves and two fishes. leisurely breakfast, Some say that when he and his followers shared hissing periodically what little they had, others were inspired to share to remind her sister what they had brought with them, resulting in Athena to keep her more than enough food to go around. distance.

Unlike cats, humans appear to be hard-wired for generosity. Acts of generosity light up reward

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The Birds are heading south, pulled by a compass in the genes.

They are not fooled by this odd November summer, though we stand in our doorways wearing cotton dresses.

We are watching them as they swoop and gather— the shadow of wings falls over the heart.

When they rustle among the empty branches, the trees must think their lost leaves have come back.

The birds are heading south, instinct is the oldest story.

They fly over their doubles, the mute weathervanes, teaching all of us with their tailfeathers the true north.

Linda Pastan, 1988

ADULT PROGRAMS

Janet Swanson, Director of Membership & Adult Programs

“When we take the time to nourish ourselves, we have more space to turn up for others, including our planet and the natural world.”

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Treesisters.org

uring this month of November, consider nourishing one’s self to grow and expand the generous heart. Opportunities abound at FUS. To learn more about the ways you can get involved with some of our groups and ministry teams, go to the Adult RE page on our website (fusmadison.org/adult-re/).

To learn about our current ministry teams, go to fusmadison.org/social-justice/ministryteams/. Questions? Contact Janet at janets@ fusmadison.org.

Women’s Autumn Retreat: A Life of Enough with Rev. Kelly Crocker & Janet Swanson Friday, November 3 • 6:30 pm - 8:30 pm Saturday, November 4 • 9 am - 2 pm (lunch provided) $40 per person covers food and supplies

The myths and mind-sets of scarcity are hard to release. We often assume that more is better, that there’s not enough, that we don’t have our fair share, and there’s not much we can do about it. The messages in our culture encourage the chase for more. We are not enough as we are. We need (fill in the blank) to be (fill in the blank).

What if we could transform this? What if we could look beyond the material? What if we could find prosperity in the deepening of our relationships to others and self/in finding joy in the every day and in the ordinary? What if we could be nourished into this fullness of prosperity? What if we felt our way into a prosperous and generous life?

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Join us for a time in community with other women as we gather to reflect, create, share ideas and practice nourishment of the spirit.

Questions? Contact Janet at janets@fusmadison.org. Register online at fusmadison.org/ adult-re/ (under “Class Offerings”). Childcare available upon request—please let us know if you will need it by Thursday, Nov. 2, 2023.

Spiritual Practice Groups Spiritual Practice Groups are drop-in groups that meet regularly to practice and explore formal spiritual practices. Learn more about our current group offerings below.

Centering Prayer Tuesdays • 4 pm - 4:45 pm • Gaebler Living Room Centering Prayer is a contemplative practice, “a very simple method for reconnecting us with that natural aptitude for the inner life… which, over time, of its own accord, leads to personal self-emptying and a more unitive outer life.”

(Cynthia Bourgeault) Join us if you are looking for a way to begin your practice or to companion with others in the practice. Newcomers are always welcome!

Contact Ann Gullickson at annpgullickson@ gmail.com or Lois Evenson loisevenson@gmail. com for more information. (con’t on page 9)

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ADULT PROGRAMS scheduled from 6–8 pm throughout the year.

An introductory session is held on the second Sunday of each month. Periods of sitting mediJapanese Crane Meditation Thursdays • 10 am • Atrium Auditorium tation last 45 minutes; walking meditation, and Japanese Crane Meditation is a gentle standing discussion are also included during our evening set of movements performed with a quiet mu- sessions. More extended periods of practice sical background. It is appropriate for a wide are scheduled for occasional Saturday mornings throughout the year. For information, contact range of ages and abilities.

Lori and Dave Creswell at 608-238-1234. ◊ Beginning in November, Japanese Crane will be held weekly on Thursdays at 10 am in the Atrium Auditorium. Contact Ann Schaffer at schafferann@gmail.com for more information. (con’t from page 8)

Insight Buddhist Meditation Sundays • 6 pm - 8 pm • Landmark Auditorium “Insight” or Vipassana meditation originates in the Theravada tradition of Buddhism and uses techniques accessible to Western practitioners. Sunday evening meditation sessions are

November Night Listen...

With faint dry sound, Like steps of passing ghosts, The leaves, frost-crisp’d, break from the trees And fall.

Adelaide Crapsey, 1915

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ART IN THE WRIGHT PLACE Leslie Ross, Director of Children’s Religious Exploration

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rt in the Wright Place returns for its 19th year! We'll have 42 area artists here, half of whom are new to this event. We're so excited to welcome them and their amazing talent, as well as to welcome back some of our most-loved artists. We hope you'll join us on November 18 and/or 19 to take advantage of this opportunity for holiday shopping or to find something special for you or your home.

And don't miss the raffle, which will be housed in the Landmark Auditorium this year. A $5 raffle ticket may win you a $100 work of art! (Tickets are $5 for one; $20 for 5.)

We are still looking for many volunteers to help make this event run smoothly. There are many options! Find more information on this year’s event—as well as a link to volunteer—on our website: www.fusmadison.org/artfair/. QuesAs you may know, this event serves as an importions? Please contact Leslie Ross at leslier@fustant fundraiser for First Unitarian Society, supmadison.org. ◊ porting us in living out our mission and vision.

Every dollar you spend benefits an area artist and FUS. It’s an excellent way to support local artists and First Unitarian Society in one fell swoop!

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ART IN THE WRIGHT PLACE 2023 ARTISTS STEPHANIE BARENZ JANE FOOS ARI BAULT LINDA FRANZBLAU WENDY BAUMANN SHARON FUJIMOTO KAREN BECK BRUCE FURLIN VICKI BERENSON CHAD GROB RUTHANNE BESSMAN TODD HUBLER HARI CARNES SANDY & GORDON GEKE DEVRIES JAMES KAITLIN ESCHE-LYON SUE JOHNSON KERRY EVANS KIPP INGLIS SUE FALK KATHY KING KAREN FALLER LINDA LINDNER

MAYA MADDEN & WAYNE FARRA NAN MARSHALL ANDREA MASON JOHN MIX DEBBIE OLIN SHAWN OLMSTEAD STEPHANIE OLSON ADAM PANKRATZ LESLIE PHILLIPS TAD PINKERTON JULIE RAASCH

JILL SCHIENLE KERRI SHANNON STEVEN STANDISH ANGELA STEENHAGEN JULIE SUTTER-BLAIR SARAH SWEET JACOB ZELL

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A MONTH OF SERVICES In-person worship services: Saturdays @ 4:30 pm & Sundays @ 9 & 11 am Online worship service: Sundays @ 9 am

NOVEMBER 4 & 5

YOUR DEEP GLADNESS AND THE WORLD’S DEEP HUNGER Rev. Kelly Asprooth-Jackson In searching for satisfaction in life, many of us are drawn in, at one stage or another, by the quest for the right job, the right relationship, the right standard of living. But there are some gifts that we can only experience when we find a meaningful opportunity to serve. As we begin our spiritual theme of Generosity for the month of November, this service will focus on how cultivating an ethic of giving can help us to find our own sense of purpose in life. Harp solos by Renié, Wilder, Previn, and Voltz.

On Sunday, Society Choir will sing two movements from Pinkham’s Wedding Cantata.

NOVEMBER 11 & 12

CROSSING THE FLOOD Rev. Kelly Crocker

In this reflection purchased by Alice Delaquess at last year’s Cabaret, we’ll explore the sense of overwhelm that comes when we look at the world around us. There are many reasons to despair, to be swept away by the waters of cynicism, fear, anguish. Swirling waters of the world and also the hurts and scars of our own lives. Amidst all of that, how do we hold on, cross the raging waters and carry on? Piano solos by Wilder and Buys. Meeting House Chorus sings a setting of Robert Frost and a Hindu hymn.

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THE MADISON UNITARIAN

NOVEMBER 18 & 19

GLAD TO JUST BE ME

Rev. Kelly Asprooth-Jackson In our tradition, we celebrate the preciousness of life, and the unique qualities of each human personality. This rightly calls on us to protect such life—those of others, and our own—and to cherish it. But there is at least one further step beyond this: for a precious thing is meant to be shared. In this service, we will explore what it means to share ourselves with the world. The Three Sopranos sings Takach, Stroope, and Gilpin, as well as Mark Burrows’s “We Will Sing the World Whole Again.”

NOVEMBER 26 @ 10 AM*

THE GAY GREAT HAPPENING ILLIMITABLY EARTH Rev. Kelly Asprooth-Jackson As leaves change color and fall, and the air grows colder and the days shorter, we may already be starting to mentally prepare ourselves for semi-hibernation. But just because the world around us is chillier and quieter, does not mean that it is any less our home, any less strangely and apparently uniquely suited to our living upon it. On this Sunday following Thanksgiving, join us for a service celebrating the generosity of the planet we share. Carol Wessler and Linda Warren play solos for cello and piano. *There will only be one service this weekend, Sunday at 10 am

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COMMUNITY INFORMATION WHEEL OF LIFE We send our love to Mary Kessler and her family as they grieve the death of her brother-in-law, Andy Combs. Andy passed away peacefully with his wife, Mary’s sister, Cindy Seedorff, at his side. We send our prayers to Cindy and their family as they all deal with the many changes of these days.

If you have a life transition you’d like to share with the readers of this newsletter, please send it to mollyb@fusmadison.org.

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CONTACT US STAFF LEADERSHIP TEAM

BOARD OF TRUSTEES

Rev. Kelly J. Crocker, Co-Senior Minister kellyc@fusmadison.org x.112 Rev. Kelly Asprooth-Jackson, Co-Senior Minister kellyaj@fusmadison.org x.113 Monica Nolan, Executive Director monican@fusmadison.org x.115

Jenny Seeker Conroy, President

PROGRAM STAFF

Ed Zapala

Janet Swanson, Director Membership & Adult Programs janets@fusmadison.org x.124 Leslie Ross, Director Children’s Religious Exploration leslier@fusmadison.org x.119 Kristi Sprague, Social Justice Coordinator kristis@fusmadison.org x.125 Xan Hendrick, Program Assistant alexandrah@fusmadison.org x.116

MUSIC STAFF

Dr. Drew Collins, Music Director drewc@fusmadison.org x.121 Heather Thorpe, Children & Youth Choir Director thorpeh2@gmail.com Linda Warren, Assistant Music Director linda.warren@tds.net

OPERATIONAL STAFF

Molly Backes, Communications Coordinator mollyb@fusmadison.org x. 117 Cheryll Mellenthin, Project Coordinator cheryllm@fusmadison.org x. 130 Tom Miskelly, Facilities Manager tomm@fusmadison.org x. 120 Dan Carnes, A/V & Event Specialist danc@fusmadison.org Steven Gregorius, Event Specialist

Chuck Evenson Joy Stieglitz Gottschalk Emily Cusic Putnam, Secretary Emily Smith Ann Schaffer Zizi Brandt, Youth Liaison Mira Roffers, Youth Advisor Mason Shadle, Youth Advisor

LAY MINISTERS

Our lay ministers provide a confidential, caring presence to congregants undergoing stressful life challenges or joyous occasions.

Under the guidance of our called ministers, they promote the spirit of community through direct service in visiting the ill and healing, facilitating support groups, and more.

Contact a lay minister at 608.233.9774 x. 126

SOCIAL MEDIA

Get information about upcoming services and events, see photos and videos, and connect with other FUS folks on our social media platforms!

FUS Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/fusmadison FUS Community Virtual Gathering Space (FB Group) https://www.facebook.com/ groups/fusmadison Instagram https://www.instagram.com/fusmadison/ YouTube https://www.youtube.com/fusmadison

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The vision of First Unitarian Society is to be a spiritual community of belonging. We will transform ourselves and society through the practices of radical welcome, deep listening, and compassionate, authentic connection.

We envision a world fueled by love and justice.

At First Unitarian Society, we question boldly, listen humbly, grow spiritually, act courageously, and love unapologetically.

FIRST UNITARIAN SO CIET Y OF MADISON 900 University Bay Drive • Madison, WI 53705 608.233.9774 www.fusmadison.org

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