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Sex, Love, & Beauty 0 1

ISSUE 4 // VOLUME 46

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Alicia Wood James Watson Kienan McKay

Angelina Taylor Anu Francis Alicia Wood Brooke Hines Charlie Booker Courtney Lawrence Debra Knoop Emma Riley Jack Snyder James Watson Kienan McKay Tobias Menzies Madeline Hand Madeline Percey Michelle Wakim Sean Henschke

Empire Times is always looking for contributors.

If you’re a writer, photographer, or illustrator, send us an email or visit our website for details.

SUB-EDITORS

Ethan Brown PRINTERS Newstyle Media SPECIAL THANKS Jess Nicole Nathan Cheetham Tim Coyle

EMPIRE TIMES would like to acknowledge the Kaurna people wo are the traditonal custodians of the land Flinders University is situated on, and that their land was never ceded, but stolen. We would like to pay our respects to the elders of the Kaurna nation and extend that respect to other Aboriginal peoples, past, present, and future.

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MASTHEAD & LOGO

EMPIRE TIMES is a publication of Flinders University Student Association (FUSA). The opinons expressed herein are not necessarily those of the editors, Flinders University or FUSA. Reasonable care is taken to ensure that EMPIRE TIMES articles and other information are up-todate and as accurate as possible, as of the time of publication, but no responsibility can be taken

by EMPIRE TIMES for any errors or omissions contained herein.

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Amy Nguyen // Love on Screen (44) Anthony Robinson // Still Life (24) Kienan McKay // Sketches (18, 26, 39, 40, 41) Lawson Dodd // Only Human (32) Rosanna Lam // Untitled (36) Sheydin Dew // Clutter (6)

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Angelina Taylor Courtney Lawrence Elena Koulianos Evie Cazzolato Georgina Banfield Hannah Stampke Michelle Wakim Peter Moreman Rebekah Manser Shevaun Rutherford

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IDENTITY THROUGH CLOTHING

We are what we wear

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QUEER GLOSSARY

What's a demisexual?

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EX AT UNI

When heartbreak joins the lecture theatre

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WHAT YOU WANT TO ASK Sex, love, and beauty beyond disability

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SPILLING THE TEA

A compilation of embarrassing sex stories

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SEX ED

A guide to your STIs

THE MASC

Masculinity and the gays

SEND NUDES A visual portfolio

QUEER CULTURE One size doesn't fit all

SPORTS

Defining love with something familiar

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LOVE ON SCREEN

How film reflects our ideas on love

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ROMANCE OR RIDICULE

Why do we shit on the romance genre?

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APHRODISIAC

Foods that may help you in the bedroom

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ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS

A short story of the road to self-love

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We hope this issue encourages you to appreciate all the different kinds of love, not just the romantic.

We want you to redefine beauty as not just a look, but as a feeling. When it comes to sex, have a bangin’ good time with it – or not, if sex isn’t your thing – and don’t crumble beneath societal standards to be or do something you’re either not ready for, or have no desire for. When it comes to sexual identity, realise that no one knows you better , than yourself.

Kienanames J Editors Alicia, Empire Times, 2019

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As for beauty? That’s up to you. We hope you continue to find new ways of admiring beauty, and to see it in a less than superficial way. Beauty is on the inside, the outside, and all around us, if only you know where to look for it. There’s beauty in a laugh, a smile, a crooked nose, and ears that stick out a little too much, there’s beauty in kindness to strangers, and in imperfection.

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Sex is something a lot of us enjoy, but there’s also those who either haven’t yet had the experience, or choose not to; wherever you’re up to, there should be no pressure in your life when it comes to this. If you want to wait until marriage, then go for it. If you’d rather have sex with more people than you can count, stay safe and respectful, and do that. And if you’re somewhere in between, you do what feels right.

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he classical Greeks used four different words for love – éros (sexual love), philia (platonic love), storge (familial love), and agápe (worldly love for your neighbour). Love is universal, and it’s a powerful and contagious force. However, we may have lost our ability to appreciate the different types of love, because we obsess so much over the romantic kind. When we think of love, we often don’t first consider the love between family and friends, but the first step in doing so is recognising when we’ve been neglectful towards them. And while you’re spreading the love, spare some for the world you inhabit too. The younger generations seem to be the ones most geared towards reversing the effects of climate change and other environmental issues, but it’s important that these views are expressed so loudly that those in power can’t help but hear it.

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PRESIDENT'S A D DRE SS H

ello friends! Content warning ahead: sexual assault.

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If you've made it this far into the year, well done. It can be really hard, especially when you're starting out at university for the first time, after some time away, and when life gets really crazy. Proud of you, boo.

if you've made it this far into the year, well done...

The theme of this issue made me think about the different relationships I've had in my life, with partners and with friends. People are complicated beings and I feel like I'm always learning new things about the humans in my life.

In particular, I started thinking about what these relationships are built on: Empathy. Consent. Respect.

Many of you would have seen Be a Better Human since it launched in 2018, and the discussions that have happened around it. But I wanted to take a moment to talk about how, practically, those ideas become part of how we interact with each other.

The people I surround myself with would generally consider themselves to be progressive, knowledgeable on respectful relationships, and fierce defenders of women’s rights. And yet

when someone very close to me was sexually assaulted, the reactions I saw shocked and truly saddened me.

'Well you didn’t tell him not to' or 'You could have said something before' or 'I guess it’s kind of both of your faults' were all responses from people they disclosed to. None of that was fair or right to say to someone who had just shared a traumatic experience. That isn’t empathy, that isn’t consent, and that isn’t respect. Being able to apply these in practice is just as important as understanding what the words mean.

As we head into the second half of the year, FUSA is rolling out Be a Better Human again. When you see the videos on screens around campus, decals on walls, or posts on social media, please take a moment to think about whether you're always the best human you can be and how you can encourage those in your circles to be better humans as well.

For more info on the campaign and survivor support, visit fusa.edu.au/babh Stay fab,

Katt Hatzi Student Council President

Thinking Caps Swotvac Study Session 1

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O'Week Semester 2 Monday - Thursday

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AUGUST

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artwork by SHEYDIN DEW

THROUGH CLOTHING

words by KIENAN MCKAY

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To our way of thinking, getting what we want is quantifiable. We’re goal conscious; we’re success orientated. So what does this mean for the way we look?

In the same way that we want to be somebody, we want to look like it too. Ours is a society crawling with online shopping and fashion blogs on Instagram – are they driven by our self-awareness, or we by them? If shopping at Dangerfield means

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We see the result of this thinking come out in many different ways. Some are inspired, others confused. Some get themselves into knots trying to string together their vision with reality. If you’re at university, chances are you went through the best secondary school available and got the highest marks you could, so you could pick the uni course you wanted. Maybe you made it in, maybe you got your second preference. Now you’re on the grind, sacrificing sleep for those assignments, working a part-time job to balance out the debt. And all because there’s something you want to be – maybe that’s successful, maybe that’s simply employed. Other times we’ll take up surfing because Patrick Swayze looked good in Point Break, or we’ll try archery because oh my god, Katniss Everdeen.

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It’s become so easy now to be what you want to be – don’t you hear it everywhere? It’s quite a rousing sentiment really, one we don’t argue with because – given the will power, stamina, social background, economic stability, sex, sexuality, race, and maybe even height – you can be whatever you want to.

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Like everyone else, I grew up on kids entertainment – Percy Jackson and I am Number Four. I used to think ‘Yeah that Alex Pettyfer, that’s me in three years when I’m sixteen.’ Strong jawline, broad shoulders, blonde wispy surfers hair.

Collarbones like bike handles, abs like piano keys – G, E, and F minor. Think about the things you don’t have, then think of what you can get. Guys who wear leather jackets are good looking, guys who wear baggy grey hoodies are good looking.

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i'm out there walking around like my teenage fantasy

Me? I used to think of beauty as a destination. Not as any kind of goal, or place in which I’d one-day settle, but more of the carrot and stick terminus. Like a vacation, you spend your life working up to it and the whole time you’re poor.

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n an essay on beauty, Andy Warhol once said ‘I’ve never met a person I couldn’t call a beauty.’ Which is nice I guess, if you’re the beauty.

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you can look like you’re in a band, then why the heck not?

You’re a rock star baby, you’re a super model.

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I used to do this thing before shopping where I’d go online and find pictures of models wearing the latest trends. Scroll down to a good image – he looks good. What’s he wearing?

Formal wear: grey jacket, cream chinos, and a linen buttonup. You could find me walking round any major department store, phone out, looking for a version of this image I could wear. Everything I bought, I did it so you’d look at me the way I want you to. It’s about expression. I’m this, you’re that.

Identity.

I bought a look. I thought I could. One time I bought a jacket because I saw a guy I wanted wearing one. It felt good wearing that jacket because now I was that guy. I’d see people down the street and I think maybe they’re looking at me the way I was looking at him. Me/him.

I went on a date with someone who’s like ‘man, you’ve got such a great style.’ He said, ‘And I love that jacket.’ Now, I’ve always thought of dating like pulling on a glove with your teeth. You struggle for a while to get the right fit. Maybe you get it on but it doesn’t sit right, maybe you drop it and wonder why you insist on acting out your own metaphors.

But all the same, it can reach a point when it comes obvious the glove isn’t going on. This can be frustrating, and the easiest thing to do is blame the other person – they’re not keen, they’re boring, they’re a Scorpio and I should probably bail.

But what if we’re just not right for everyone? I get thinking because I need someone, that I’ve got to do something about it. So I’m out there walking around like my own teenage fantasy because the movies tell me any moment I’ll fall in love. But by now everyone looks the same. Because instead of being with your fantasy, we all went out and bought it. That way we can all be Alex Pettyfer and get along.

So beauty? Hah, a construct! I don’t believe I ever got far with it. For some this isn’t a problem. But for the rest of us, stuck in this trap of thinking no one will like us for what we are, please know you can choose.

The assumption is because it looks good on the model, it’ll make us look that way. However, trends aren’t made for all body types, and what we’re lured into buying is often not even right for us. I found I was using clothing as a way of distancing myself. That way you see what I’m wearing and not me.

What we wear says a lot about us, and we’re more than capable of changing this to say whatever we like. But if dressing like someone else is what I value, how could someone ever love me? I wouldn’t value them, I don’t even value myself. It becomes easy to get too inside it all, start craving perfection. You try harder and harder to reach some kind of conclusion, thinking this is good looking, and then now this is good looking. How far does that go? I don’t want to know.

How to fix it? Stop caring. The problem is thinking there’s a problem. Once we stop chasing this image of ourselves, we can settle down and just be happy. That which we are, we are. Clothing, and identity. Be what you want – but know it’s far less exhausting just being yourself.

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*Queer: considered to be a reclaimed word that refers to anyone of diverse sexes, sexualities, and gender.

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An ally describes any person that does not identify as part of the queer community, but they are supportive of those that do.

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Pronouns are words that refer to either the people talking (I or you) or someone or something that is being talked about (e.g. she, it, them, and this).

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words by SEAN HENSCHKE (QUEER OFFICER)

When someone is born intersex, they possess different variations of sex characteristics which can include chromosomes, gonads, hormones, or genitalia that do not conform to the typical definition of a male/female body.

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Gender describes how we express ourselves, often in

Folk that don't identify as male or female, but rather neither are described as non-binary. These people live as both or neither gender.

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To understand the makeup of the queer community, you’ll need an understanding in the differences between gender, sex, and sexuality. It is also important to note that all of these can be described as spectrums, with people identifying with certain persuasions to different extents.

Transgender describes folk whose gender identity and/ or expression differs from the gender they were assigned at birth. A transgender woman describes someone assigned male at birth who identifies as a woman, while a transgender man refers to someone that was assigned female at both but identifies as a man. Transition refers to the period when a person begins to live to be consistent with their gender identity. This can involve “coming out”, changing pronouns, using a different name, altering their gender expression and/or accessing medical treatments.

Cisgender folk on the other hand, identify with the gender identity that aligns to the sex they were assigned at birth.

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Someone who is demisexual will only experience sexual attraction if they form a strong, emotional bond with someone. A demiromantic is similar, except that they will only experience a romantic attraction if they form that strong connection with someone first.

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Some people may be monogamous, forming sexual and/or romantic relationships with one person. Or, they may be polyamorous forming sexual and/or romantic relationships with multiple people at the same time.

Sex is assigned as a result of biological expression, namely the X and Y chromosomes and variants of their pairing.

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Homosexuality describes being same-sex attracted.

Heterosexuality describes being attracted to people of the opposite sex. Bisexual folk are attracted to both men and women. Pansexual folk can be attracted to all people.

Asexual folk are not sexually attracted to anyone.

terms of masculine and/or feminine. To this extent, gender is very much a result of social perception through gender expressions. This is often through appearance such as clothing, hairstyles, mannerisms, speech patterns, and social interactions. Someone’s gender identity refers to the deeply held sense of being a specific gender regardless of the sex they were assigned at birth.

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commonly used term is LGBTIQ+ which is an acronym that encompasses some of the “labels” e.g. bisexual, transgender, lesbian, etc. Many folk find themselves identifying with one of these, or other labels. It is important to note that you don’t have to identify as any of these: you can be questioning, can identify with multiple, or change yours as you gain new experiences and develop your understanding of who you are.

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FUSA is much more than just the Student Council. There's a whole team of people who make sure your life here at Flinders is as good as possible. A series of questions were presented to various staff members at FUSA. These are the results.

Jess MEDIA What's something (or someone) you love?

I love the feeling of pulling apart a freshly baked loaf of bread, the smell of a bonfire and the sound of my friends' laughter.

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word 'love'?

Yacking sounds (no, jokes - a storm rolling in) How do you know when you're in love?

When self-interest takes a backseat and you say and do some dumb ass shit!

Do you think a physical or emotional connection is more important?

Both.

What's the most beautiful thing someone can do?

Express themselves - whether through words, actions, a set of values, fashion, art... etc.

Who is the most beautiful person you know?

My bestie, Olivia.

Caleb EVENTS Do you think a physical or emotional connection is more important?

An emotional connection is more important as that will sustain a relationship longer, however, a physical connection is also still important.

What's most important, beauty or brains?

Similar to above, people tend to connect more on an emotional level than through beauty. Finding just beauty as the sole important feature is a bit shallow.

What's the most beautiful thing someone can do?

I think being selfless, doing things out of the kindness of your heart.

What was your worst date?

Not a specific one, but several dates where there is nothing in common and you both have nothing to say and you can feel the cringe!

Collette STUDENT ASSIST

Adam CLUBS What's something (or someone) you love?

My wife, my friends, and doggos.

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word 'love'?

Understanding and accepting someone for who they are.

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word 'love'?

Friendship, without a doubt.

What's the most beautiful thing someone can do?

Being kind to others.

How do you know when you're in love?

When you’re (almost) always happy to be in the company of someone, and you form a strong and mutual trust and respect, you’re probably onto a pretty good thing there.

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What's something (or someone) you love?

My children.

What's the most beautiful thing someone can do?

Laugh. At life, at themselves, at me, I don’t think it matters.

What's the most beautiful thing someone can do?

Love unconditionally, forever and into old age.

Who is the most beautiful person you know?

I’m contractually obligated to say my wife, but I mean it anyway.

What's most important, beauty or brains?

Inner beauty is important and not necessarily reflected in outer beauty. Outer beauty/looks do not necessarily last.

What's most important, beauty or brains?

If I was looking for a relationship, definitely brains. If I couldn’t have an intelligent conversation with my S.O. I think I’d go crazy!

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Would you consider yourself an expert at sex? (sexpert) Not at all; and I should be more expert at my age!

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What was your worst date?

The cricket on a really hot day – not my idea of a nice time.

Would you consider yourself an expert at sex? (sexpert) God no, but I’m always learning. I think to be an expert you would need to know someone and their needs better than they even know about themselves. I doubt I’ll ever be that talented!

What's your most awkward sexual experience?

Ha, like everyone the first time.

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What was your worst date?

The time my date ended up making out with some other guy during our date! I’m not sure that counts as cheating on a first date – but still pretty rude!

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Is there anything about love that scares you?

After being burnt, it is scary to make another connection.

What's your most awkward sexual experience?

For the sake of all parties involved, no comment!

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Do you think a physical or emotional connection is more important?

I believe that an emotional connection is important because it will last.

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What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word 'love'?

Emotional connection to someone.

Is there anything about love that scares you?

Certainly in previous relationships, but not now. I was always worried about making mistakes, until I found someone that didn’t care.

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What's something (or someone) you love?

My human family and my animal companions.

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Stacy ADMIN

Do you think a physical or emotional connection is more important?

I think incompatibility with either is going to cause problems for any long(er)-term relationship. If either partner is unsatisfied emotionally/physically, that’s going to put a strain on the relationship unless it’s addressed.

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What's most important, beauty or brains?

Definitely brains, beauty fades!

HU M ANS beauty edition FL IN DE RS

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What makes a person beautiful is how kind they are.

Genuinely kind people are gentle, selfless, thoughtful, warm, and welcoming; they unwittingly soften a spot in my heart, and find a way to squeeze in. I struggle to look at someone’s physical characteristics when I’m mesmerised by how kind they are, and that’s beautiful.

Anyone taller than me, which isn’t difficult... I’m also really attracted to people who get like, a little bit of squish. That’s really attractive, because they’re huggable, they’re snuggly, you know? Also, someone who’s not transphobic, that’s helpful! Just tell me if you hate trans people real quick...

I think that genuinely it would be easier to list things I find unattractive, which is any kind of ‘phobic attitude, or anyone who tries to make a single item their entire personality, like books or coffee.

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For me it’s not all about who they are and what they are like but how they make me feel and who I am when I’m around them. I suppose I would have to admit that to a degree someone’s physical traits do play a part in whether I find them beautiful or not. I tend to find well defined bone structure, masculinity, kind eyes and a reasonably deepened tone of voice appealing.

To me, beauty defines every relationship I try to make with people. It defines the smile we put on the faces around us, and the radiance of our own empathy and compassion.

This being said, I find it irresistible when a man takes interest into what it is that has made me the person I am today. It’s his ability to understand me that I find most beautiful about my partner. As cliché as it is, he makes me want to be a better person and he motivates me daily to stay true to who I am and to help me to achieve.

Beauty is in interaction, and how we feel after that person has said goodbye. The people that will go above and beyond to make others happy. Empathy and curiosity are what I find truly beautiful about someone. People willing to understand others and do their best to bring positivity are the ones I truly admire and aspire to be like.

Being able to relate to and understand your partner can sometimes be the most attractive quality to have. I guess unfortunately, it can sometimes take damage to see damage.

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TOBIAS MENZIES

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hen I ran into my ex-girlfriend at O'Week in my first year, I wasn’t surprised. Although, I did dread the future three years we would spend trying to avoid each other. We’d ultimately see one another in an inevitable crossover of interests. After working out that we would share classes together, I started to scan over my classrooms looking for her, trying to determine where to sit, and how to avoid what I assumed would be a judging stare.

My friends say I need to move on, but I insist I have. After all, it was me who did the dumping.

When I’m drunk, I wonder if she still has the same phone number from years ago. Despite deleting her off Facebook, I won’t block her, just so I always know I have the option of crying over her profile picture when I’m drunk.

I feel inadequate when I’m near her. I can’t write. I need to feel in control.

I still do this even now.

In lectures we have together, I always make sure to wear the jumper she gave me years ago as if to say to her, ‘Hey, this jumper doesn’t remind me of painful memories. I’m so over you!’ My friends say I need to move on, but I insist I have. After all, it was me who did the dumping.

My housemate said I should tell her, ‘I’m happy you’re doing well.’ Since then, I recite scripts to myself in case we run into each other. Sometimes I want to talk to her just so I can recount all the clever things I’ve thought to say. There’s a million arguments I’ve won in the shower when there’s no one around.

I overthink what to wear when I’m on campus. I want to impress her and show her that I’m the one who’s happy and successful. Maybe this intense obsession with how we physically look is why I always read into her mood every time she changes her hair colour, like the manic pixie dream girl I unhealthily crave for.

If I look up from my desk and see her in the library, I feel a horrible pang in my stomach and heart. Do I smile or ignore her in the brief microseconds we make eye contact?

Regardless of what I do, I’ll replay that moment over and over again in my head later and regret everything.

I fantasize about her family coming into the restaurant where I work. Maybe I’d apologise to her parents, or to her.

My friends say I need to move on, but I insist I have. After all, it was me who did the dumping.

I always try to find new ways to ignore her, but ultimately am I letting her win? Are her movements dictating my own?

It’s been just over two years, and what has having an exgirlfriend at Uni taught me?

I need to relax. I shouldn’t be so afraid to go to the places I used to go with her. I shouldn’t be afraid to write. Because frankly, who cares? I can’t go through a relationship with her again. I said to my friends, ‘I don’t want to be with her.’

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avigating sex, love, and beauty through disability is a topic that we need to talk about more as a society, with many of the barriers facing people with disabilities being put in place by society itself. I am excited to share my experiences with you and hope to open your eyes to the reality that being able-bodied is not a prerequisite for sex, love, nor beauty.

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Beauty Unfortunately, beauty is something that many people struggle with, and I am no exception. When I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome shortly after my 21st birthday – and Cerebral Palsy just this year – my disability was largely invisible to the untrained eye. However, as my condition is progressive, over the past few years it has become more visible. This is due to gait abnormalities (medical talk for ‘I walk a bit differently to the average human’), the leg braces I wear to help me walk (called ankle foot orthoses or “AFOs” for short), and the fact that I now use a wheelchair part-time. Now that my disability is visible, I get stared at, a LOT. At first this really knocked my confidence and made me feel anything but beautiful – the looks of pity that some people automatically gave me – especially whilst using my wheelchair.

To me this made no sense because, like many people with disabilities, I see my wheelchair as a form of freedom and independence. At the end of the day, both my AFOs and my wheelchair are essential to allowing me to achieve what I want to achieve and whilst on a bad day the stares still knock my confidence, I am gradually learning to embrace them as part of what makes me beautiful. A huge part of this for

me was the realisation that if I am never going to blend in with a crowd, I might as well embrace standing out and have fun! This realisation has come to fruition through a glittery lime green wheelchair and non-matching, patterned AFOs that I sometimes decorate with contact papers; because sometimes you just feel like changing the colour or pattern of your legs, right? Whilst your confidence and selfperception should never be defined by others, it definitely helps me to think that perhaps some of the stares are because people like the pattern of my AFOs or the colour of my wheelchair!

I have found that this also acts as a talking point that encourages people to ask me about my disability, which gives me an incredible opportunity to raise awareness and reduce the taboo surrounding disability.

I largely owe the confidence I have in regards to my disability to parasports and role models including Kurt Fearnley and Madison de Rozario.

Last year I medalled for Australia in para-badminton, and this year in para-rowing for South Australia as the first female para-rower to represent the state. Para-sport has helped me to become proud of my disability, improved my overall confidence, and made me feel beautiful again.

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Concluding Thoughts So often when I mention my disability in conversation, I am met with something along the lines of 'I’m so glad you brought it up I have been wanting to ask you about it for ages but didn’t want to offend you!' I have never been offended by someone asking about my disability. Whilst some people may not be as comfortable as I am talking about their disability, as a general rule if you approach it respectfully Unlike in the movies where "good” and show empathy, I highly doubt you sex seems to always be portrayed are going to cause offense. Whilst my as seamlessly romantic, in reality disability does not define me, it has sex is often awkward, messy, and at significantly influenced who I am today times outright hilarious! These are and is something that I want people to qualities that everyone should learn understand. I challenge you to question to embrace in order to get rid of this your assumptions about disability and unrealistic concept of ”perfect” sex. It what this means in terms of sex, love, is okay to talk and laugh during sex! and beauty. I challenge you to not Communication is so important, both make assumptions about people with a to give and check for consent, as well as disability, and instead to just ask them to establish what is and is not working. about it so it is no longer the elephant For me, embracing the fact that sex in the room! is not always seamlessly romantic has been key to navigating sex with a disability. Part of my condition is that

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Sex Society tends to de-sexualise people with disabilities and the concept that people with disabilities have sex is one of the biggest taboos of them all!

The reality is, everyone is capable of having sex; and sex is not always penetrative, heterosexual, between two able-bodied people, between only two people, etc. At the end of the day, as long as sex is consensual and safe, it is valid.

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needs, wants, and concerns clearly and openly, and work with your partner(s) to experiment with what works for you and for them (this goes for everyone, not just people with disabilities!). But most importantly, remember that it is okay to laugh and have fun – sex is not meant to be romantic one hundred per cent of the time. I know some of my best experiences with sex have been exactly that, so embrace it!

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my joints dislocate relatively easily, so I have dislocated a variety of my joints during sex. Luckily, I am pretty efficient at re-locating them so my general response is to press pause, relocate it, have a good laugh, and then press play again. How often do you see that in romantic movies? The best advice I can give is to communicate your

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Also, have you ever considered some of the many perks that could come with dating someone with a disability?! I mean for starters, thanks to my disability parking permit, your frustrated posts on Overheard about never being able to find a park at uni will be but a distant memory!

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Love My disability does not alter my desire nor ability to love and be loved. While some people with disabilities will fall in love with other people with disabilities, many will enter relationships with people without disabilities, which are called inter-abled relationships.

I have only ever been in inter-abled relationships. The YouTube channel ‘Squirmy and Grubs’ follows the lives of couple Shane Burcaw, who has Spinal Muscular Atrophy, and Hannah Aylward, who does not have a disability. Shane requires assistance with some physical tasks due to his condition and Hannah acts as his primary carer whilst also studying.

However, in many inter-abled relationships external support workers may be employed as primary carers, and many people with disabilities do not require carers at all. People often assume that people with disabilities require more help than they actually do, and I have heard people state that dating someone with a disability would be ‘too much work’ and throw it into the too hard basket (oh how I would love to be able to chuck my own disability into the too hard basket sometimes!). However, one only has to look at the beautiful relationship that Shane and Hannah have to realise that love knows no bounds, nor should it. Some of the most independent and quite frankly incredible people I know have disabilities, so if you throw us all in the too hard basket you could be missing out!

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e all have those stories. Experiences that maybe we'd rather forget, and maybe they're told over and over by our friends. Some are sexy, some heartbreaking, and some are just outright embarrassing. Here is a wonderful selection from some of Flinders most adventurous. Enjoy!

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It was going great! I got naked, he was undoing his pants, a movie was playing and we were getting a bit hot under the blankets. That’s when someone with bright headlights drove past and parked directly next to us. Then another car.

And another, slowly surrounding us. Turns out, it was Pony Club meeting night and we were in their parking spaces.

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LLING G THE TH NAKED AND AFRAID So we went to do the cute thing where you get into the back of a ute tray with blankets, hot food, and a laptop for movies, under the stars. We went to the local polo grounds (used for horse stuff and soccer games) which were deserted at night.

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I was paralysed with fear (and oh so naked) so I did absolutely nothing but stare in horror. My date jumped out of the tray, put on his shirt, and quickly pulled the cover of the ute tray over me so I was now laying in darkness, still doing absolutely nothing. I heard him jump into the drivers seat, switch on the engine, and we were driving off. I’ve never been in such a bizarre situation, lying naked in the back of this ute as he drove us to a place I could safely put my clothes on. As I lay there, rolling around a little with all our snacks, I prayed quietly that no one would pull us over; it was going to be difficult to explain how this wasn’t some kidnapping. Plus, it was cold.

LLING G THE TH He eventually parked and pulled back the cover so I could once again see the night sky. To be honest, it was actually pretty fun.

A CLOSE SHAVE My partner and I were in the shower together.

I was horny and he wasn’t, so to turn him on and get him up on my sexy level, I grabbed the blunt end of my razor and stuck it up my butt hole, sliding it in and out a little, like, ‘Ooh, look at this, you want some?’ And it looked like it was working, he was keen.

LLING TH G THE But then something didn’t really feel right. When I pulled the razor out of my butt, I just shot diarrhoea all over the floor of the shower, it was DISGUSTING.

I then laughed so hard that all snot just exploded out of my nose and all over my lips. I went to bed crying that night over how gross it all was, and my partner kept saying ‘Oh it’s fine, you’re not gross’ but he’s a LIAR. I think I’m still actually a little bit traumatised from it.

TAKING THE PISS So I had a boyfriend that I wasn’t that confident with because I was with him more for the social status, and I didn’t feel like I was the good looking one in the relationship. Anyway, we were having sex and I wanted to hurry up and finish but in like a sexy way, because it just wasn’t really enjoyable for me. So I peed a little to pretend like I was squirting.

he’s picking her up. Because I don’t want to catch an Uber, I ask for a lift. ‘Sure,’ she says, ‘just don’t tell my boyfriend about this please.'

But uh, he noticed. He told me, ‘You just peed on me.’

And I was like, ‘Uh, no I didn’t… I just squirted…’

And he did NOT believe me.

SOMEWHAT ADEQUATE ORAL I was with my boyfriend of the time, relaxing in his room watching Robot Chicken. One thing led to another and I was giving him somewhat adequate oral. As things started steaming up, my stomach dropped and I instantly felt clammy and tense. At this exact moment, he reaches out, grasping the back of my head and pushing himself further into my mouth. Instantaneously, I threw up all over his dick!

Safe to say he was not very impressed.

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MR BRIGHTSIDE So there was this girl... In class we had a paired group assignment together and really hit it off. I invited her to join my friends and I on the FUSA pubcrawl. Finally, an arena I could impress her in! Instead of pretending to have done the readings for class, I could down some pints and show off my alcoholic charm.

she tells me she has a boyfriend, then goes back to kissing me

Things started off a little awkward. My attempt to replace conversation with more drinks just made for awkward dizziness. Sitting in a corner of some club, I was head over heels. Somehow we were holding hands. Eye contact. Look at the lips. We kissed.

She pulls back. ‘What’s wrong?’ I ask. She tells me she has a boyfriend, then goes back to kissing me.

We stay there making out for what feels like hours. When the club starts to close she gets a call from her boyfriend,

So there I am. Heartbroken, stuffing my face with nuggets we grabbed from the Maccas drive-thru, sitting in the back middle seat watching her hold hands with her boyfriend.

COMING IN THE CLOSET When I was living with my parents, we had the family over so me and my then-boyfriend were having sex in the closet (we thought it was less suss than closing ourselves in my bedroom? I don’t know).

Of course my mum opens the door with a pile of clothes while I’m butt naked with my back to the door. She was actually pretty chill with it, my family is pretty sexually positive, but she’s like, ‘Yeah maybe not do it in there when the family is around.’

SUCK IT AND SEE I was at a pub with this girl I'd gone on a few dates with already.

‘I want to do something hot,’ she said. ‘I want to get with a girl, in front of you. Would you like that?’

I didn’t care, I just wanted to get drunk and laid.

We trekked over to Mary’s Poppin. It’s probably a bit crass I went there for girl-on-girl action, but I wasn’t really worrying about social implications at the time. However, after about half an hour she decided she didn’t actually want to get with a girl. Despite my disappointment, I wasn’t

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Turns out one of those big ol' veins in his penis had burst.

He had to go to hospital, and was told by doctors to stave off sex for a few weeks. This was on a Contiki tour which is the worst time to not be able to get laid, so he probably didn’t take the doctors advice. But it made for a great story over a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs.

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My friend panicked, apologised, and ran to the bathroom thinking she’d somehow had her period early. She walked back into the room confused, ‘Honey… It’s not me?’

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SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS A mate of mine brought up a funny story as we ate pasta in Italy. The night before, she’d broken a guy’s dick. They were doing the deed when the guy noticed wetness in the sheets, and upon turning on the light, discovered that it was blood and it was EVERYWHERE.

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Yeah, I don’t think we’ll go on another date any time soon.

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When I asked why she said ‘I want to see you suck a cock, I reckon that’d be so hot’.

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i didn't actually care, i just wanted to get drunk... and laid

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After getting into bed, she suddenly paused the action to get out her phone. I asked what she was doing, and she told me she was downloading Grindr. Safe to say, I was a little confused.

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going to make her do it, so we left to go to hers. Then shit got weird.

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THE SOCIALIST ALTERNATIVE 1) The Victorian Socialists (of which Socialist Alternative is a founding organisation and the activist backbone) lays out what the socialist approach would be. The immediate priorities would be banning new coal mines, and nationalising fossil fuel power in order to rapidly destroy and replace it with renewables. The refugees, trapped on Manus, Nauru and in Australia, would be immediately freed and settled in the community, and given all the services necessary to help try and rebuild after the torture our government has done to them. There would be massive cuts to the military budget and private school funding, shovelling those tens of billions of dollars into fully free dental, healthcare, disability services and education for absolutely everyone.

These would be universal, regardless of citizenship status. We would scrap all anti-union laws and give full support to those unions fighting for equal pay for women (including massively boosting low-paid, women-dominated work like early-childhood education) and ending legal lower wage levels for young people. A whole host of laws and policies supported by Labor and Liberal would be scrapped immediately. The legality of “gay conversion therapy”, the war on drugs, mass incarceration, gay panic defence, inaccessibility and barriers to abortion rights, over policing of migrants and Muslims,

FLINDERS UNI LABOR CLUB the totally punitive way welfare payments are dispensed: these could be overturned pretty much overnight.

Also, tax the rich. A lot.

2) There are of course a million things that should happen. There are still horrific cases of teachers and students, notably last year, being denied their right to teach or learn because of their sexuality. Reforms strengthening their rights should be brought in, including an end to religious exemption. Gender transition needs to be fully covered on public healthcare. The far right needs to be constantly fought until they are driven out of politics. Ultimately, though, we always will need to aim for full liberation. The battle will not be won until we end oppressive gender and sexuality norms and we live in total freedom from discrimination.

3) Lenin. Besmirched in the west and turned into a cultish icon in the totalitarian Soviet Union, his life was in fact dedicated to the idea of working class democracy: that the mass of ordinary people could run the world.

These politics, known as Marxism, led Russian workers to a victorious revolution that ended the First World War and gave a glimpse of an alternative to capitalism. What could be more beautiful than that?

1) The Australian Labor Party has such a wide range of fantastic policies and reforms that they’ve announced during the campaign that we couldn’t possibly cover them all here, so we urge you to check out Labor’s website or the Facebook page of our local candidate Nadia Clancy! In late 2017, the Liberals gutted $2.2 billion from universities, which FUSA and the Labor Club campaigned passionately against, so we’re incredibly glad that if elected, the Labor Party will reverse these cuts. Restoring penalty rates is also a big priority, with an elected Labor Government to reverse the Liberals cuts to penalty rates within their first 100 days in office. This means more money in the pockets of working students. Labor has also announced tax incentives for small business who hire employees under the age of 25 or over the age of 55, creating job opportunities who those who need it most, many of whom are students at Flinders. Labor’s other priorities include climate change, and properly funding our schools and hospitals.

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If your party wins the 2019 election, what are your first priorities? What will you do for students and the country in general? (Asked prior to the election)

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2) There would need to be a joint effort, both by Government and our public institutions, to normalise the type of assistance, service, or care needed by LGBTQI+ peoples. The transgender community especially needs a great deal of support from health providers.

For example, changing what is covered, or what degree of cover an item has, by Medicare, would aid in reflecting the needs of that community.

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*Editors Note: These questions were deliberatley asked prior to the 2019 Federal Election. The Liberal-National coalition led by Prime Minister Scott Morrison has since won another term in office.

3) Mikhail Gorbachev (President of the Soviet Union, March 1990- December 1991). His birthmark truly is an aesthetic wellspring from which divine warmth and spirit guided him, and the USSR, through an existentially challenging period of their history.

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3) The Flinders University Labor Club was unable to come to a consensus on who we believe the most beautiful political figure of the 20th Century to be. Young Anthony Albanese was pretty cute though.

1) If the Coalition wins the election, our first priority will be to deliver the $7.1 billion surplus forecast in the 2019-20 federal budget. This will enable the government to start paying down debt and remain in a financially sustainable position to adequately invest in Australia’s future. Further, the Coalition has a comprehensive $503.1 million Youth Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Plan. Our action on mental health will resonate particularly with students as suicide is the leading cause of death for Australian youths.

Specifically, the Plan will focus on strengthening the headspace network, indigenous suicide prevention, as well as early childhood and parenting support.

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2) The Flinders University Labor Club understands that marriage equality was just one of many changes needed to combat discrimination and disadvantages of the LGBTIQ+ community. Queer folk still suffer from significantly higher rates of suicide, violence, and homelessness compared to their non-queer counterparts.

There are also a range of funding and accessibility issues regarding support services, and problems with discrimination and inclusiveness in schools, the workplace and health settings. Shamefully, conversion therapy still occurs in 2019, and we’ll be campaigning alongside Rainbow Labor to see the end of it.

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Who is the most beautiful political figure of the 20th century, and why?

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With same-sex marriage now being legally recognized, and LGBTIQ+ rights coming into the forefront of social reform, what can or should be done to improve things on this front?

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ith apps like Tinder, Grindr, and OkCupid, it’s never been so easy to find a hook-up. A survey conducted by the Kinsey Institute found that even 60% of undergraduates from a decade ago had “friends with benefits”. Or, perhaps you’re more interested in meeting someone new and forming a loving, long-term relationship.

Whatever your motivations, it’s important that you’re able to spot and treat sexually transmitted infections (STIs). We’ve compiled a handy guide to understanding the different types of infections out there. Welcome to...

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DISCLAIMER: Our writer is not a doctor, but this article has been well researched (referenced version on our website). If you’re concerned about your health, always seek qualified medical advice.

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Condoms reduce infection risk by up to 75%. You can use dental dams that cover sores as an alternative barrier. As for facial herpes? Most of us have it without symptoms.

For safer sex, know proper condom etiquette: use lube, be careful of teeth, and if it’s broken or past the use-by date, throw it away. Otherwise, only having one partner and testing beforehand will ensure you both stay clean. If you’re worried, it’s always best to get tested!

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Chlamydia Chlamydia symptoms include pain when you urinate, bleeding between periods (for women) and unusual discharge from the penis, vagina, or rectum. This one’s tricky though: despite being the most common STI in Australia, most people don’t have symptoms. Why the headlines? Untreated, chlamydia travels to the fallopian tubes (women) or epididymis (men) and potentially causes

Herpes Herpes never goes away. You’re usually not even aware you’re infected— only some experience herpes sores, which turn into 3-week ulcers. These sores can appear around the mouth or groin. Other symptoms are rarer, but these include joint pain, feeling unwell, and groin discomfort.

About 12% of Australians have Herpes Simplex Virus-2 (HSV-2), while 76% have HSV-1.

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The HPV vaccine is the real MVP for wart prevention, cutting cases of new genital warts. If you’re suspicious about your bumps, see a doctor who can freeze/laser them off, or give you a soothing cream; however, the warts can always recur.

How can you prevent gonorrhoea? Clean partners are best, but barrier protection works well. Condoms for guys and dams for girls can prevent infecting your equipment.

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HPV Different from syphilis, these warts are skin-coloured, painless lumps on your penis, scrotum, or labia. They sometimes bleed. While they’re not fatal, warts look nasty and might turn off your new love interest. They’re caused

by HPV which, if it spreads, causes other problems.

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Left untreated, syphilis can cause severe brain and heart complications. However, it can be detected through a blood test, and treated with antibiotics.

Gonorrhoea You really don’t want gonorrhoea (“the clap”). Guys should be particularly worried: they get thick, painful, pus-like fluid oozing from their penis and pain in their testicles and anus. Women experience similar issues, but don’t get symptoms as easily. Neisseria gonorrhoeae, the causative bacteria, can also gain antibiotic resistance. If not treated early, gonorrhoea can cause infertility, and in rare cases the infection can spread and cause permanent damage.

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Syphilis Do you have an ulcer on your genitals? In your mouth?

Reddish spots on your hands or feet? You might have syphilis. Syphilis is caused by bacterial infection that’s usually spread through skin-to-skin contact via vaginal, oral, or anal sex. Syphillis occurs in four stages. and the final stage can take up to 30 years to develop.

Hepatitis B Another pervasive virus, Hepatitis B affects your liver and can cause soreness, yellow eyes, and increases your risk of liver cancer or failure. Symptoms depend on the type of infection, and sometimes there are none. There’s no cure, but since Hep B is spread via bodily fluids, avoiding contact with blood, semen, and vaginal fluids can help. There’s also a vaccine available to help protect you, which many people receive as children – so make sure you have yours.

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The best way to know if you or your new partner have HIV is a blood test—which is a test that everyone should take at least once as part of their health care. Although prevention is best, most people with HIV can get treatment to prevent worsening symptoms.

infertility (though infertility is less common for men). It can be treated with antibiotics. Your partner should also be treated, and you should both get tested again – either via a urine test or swab – to confirm re-infection hasn’t occurred.

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AIDS HIV is a virus which can be transmitted through unprotected anal or vaginal sex, or through sharing injecting equipment such as needles and syringes. This virus destroys your immune system and progresses to Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS), which leaves your body vulnerable to other diseases.

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hen I came out, one thing my mum said really stuck with me. She said, ‘Now you’re not going to go being one of those “typical” boys are you?’

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I was determined being gay wouldn’t change me.

Coming out is an individual thing. Everyone does it differently. Despite the bells and whistles, and the rigmarole and YouTube videos, despite Love, Simon and every movie that never got it right, what is easy to forget is in the end we just do what we do to survive.

By the time you come out, you don’t really know what it is you want anymore. How do I separate the pieces of me I forced into place, with the pieces that grew there naturally?

At some point I realised coming out wasn’t this one, definitive moment. There are small coming out moments all along your journey growing up – time when you realise that something has to change.

Me? I never liked a man that dressed like a woman.

That’s it.

At gay bars I’d see them standing out front smoking, But the thing is, there’s a life sharing stories how they slept after high school and all the with this many people. I know a coming out movies. After a couple as friends, you probably while you stop trying to survive, do too. Wrists and arms pulled and its time to just live and in at odd angles. Fingers flared, move on. lips puckering as they talk.

Most of your life you tried fitting in. You assumed what you actually wanted in life related to being gay. And so you listened to different music, and wore specific clothes – constant, deliberate choices that kept “straight”.

Something about it all seemed wrong to me. It felt like giving the boys in the schoolyard something to poke at.

Often I hear people complain that some gay people are fake and overdone. When I was younger I myself would use

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A gay bar is where you stop being “gay”, and start being just anybody.

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There’s a constant uncertainty of where to fit in. For gay men, a typically malecentric environment is often understanding of their needs and desires, but not supportive of their emotions in the way that women typically are.

I see why people do it, I see why they escape into the culture. After a while you get sick of the heteronormativity.

I started going to gay bars just to stand there knowing I wasn’t a minority. Just so I wasn’t wrapped up inside a place where it’s guys and girls pressing in on each other.

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The way to combat this meant maintaining a strong sense of masculinity. By this measure, it felt good to be mistaken as a straight male, or hear that girls found me attractive. I used to tell people I was “a different kind of gay”. I still wanted all the same things, but clutched desperately at any shred of manhood, until I was at a point of complete fanaticism with masculinity, stuck inside a limbo dichotomy of want/be.

So I guess you fall into an identity. For some people that’s putting on a face. That face is glitter and mascara, and whatever else makes you feel powerful. I never understood it before, but it gives you something to be strong about.

Knowing that, as I do now, it was like waking up – like taking off a mask.

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But, under all this, I guess what I always really hated was the implied weakness. And most of all, that in between them and their stereotypes, was tied me.

And because I couldn’t drink beer, or because I wasn’t good at sports, I was by implication the same as them.

In this way it can be difficult to settle with any non-diverse group without at least adapting. I’ve often found the expectations of others to be a huge influence in the way we act.

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similar words – bitchy, rude, stuck-up, pretentious, materialistic.

(please don’t)

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If you do decide to send someone sneaky photos of yourself, make sure it’s on your own terms. This is your exposed body, and it’s an intimate part of you to share with someone. But beauty is also something you feel, and if you’re not always feeling it, then that’s okay. Because let’s face it, we don’t just send nudes for someone else’s pleasure; we have to make sure we’re getting a kick out of it too.

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Sending nudes isn’t something you typically like to linger on. We all know it’s risky, but we still do it anyway. But I’m not here to make you feel bad. There could be a plethora of reasons as to why we undertake such an unusual and risky action: is it because we seek constant verification that we are physically desirable? Is it the very first kind of foreplay that can possibly be engaged with? Do we crave the excitement of sending something explicit? Or are we just obsessed with nudity, because it’s been so tabooed by our culture? Either way, it’s a dangerous game, and if someone entices you to play, keep in mind that rules have

We preach so much self-love and that we should consider ourselves beautiful, but that’s not entirely realistic. When I get up in the morning and my hair is defying gravity, I don’t think of myself as beautiful or sexy. When I have a shower and I put on a nice outfit, then I feel attractive. If I’ve tanned and I’m in nice lingerie or undies, then I’m ready for a private photoshoot. But if you ask me for a nude at 10pm and I’m in my PJ’s, my makeup is off, and I’m half asleep, then no; I’m not ripping off my warm clothes so you can see my boobs. But lucky for you there are plenty of times when I have felt like a 20/10, so here’s a photo of me not only looking sexy, but feeling sexy too. It’s lovely when a guy tells you that your morning monster is a good and beautiful look, but that doesn’t mean you automatically feel that way. We don’t have to feel beautiful all the time, and I’m happy to feel like a “dag.” And beauty isn’t just something you see, it’s something you feel; you don’t need to look into a mirror to know that you’re beautiful. It’s so attractive when someone is happy and confident in their own skin.

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A recent conversation with a friend of mine brought up his shock at discovering that a woman he’d been flirting with was sending him a nude photo that she’d taken of herself previously, not at the time she sent it. And that the same photo might be sent to another guy either previously, or later down the track. He was taken aback; he saw the nude as something personal and didn’t view it as special if she’d taken it at some other time, or if it wasn’t reserved just for him. I personally have a small collection of nudes that I reserve for a guy – if he’s special enough, and if I feel that I can trust him – because, truth be told, I’m not always in the mood for taking one. I have this gallery of nudes which acts as a resume, selling my potential not as an employee but as a sexual partner, and as a tease for what could come (pun intended).

been broken in the past. So if we see sending nudes as a game, then is having pre-taken photos considered cheating, because this isn’t the way our body looks at the instant in which we send it? I’d argue, no. The truth is, I don’t always feel sexy. And that’s damn fine.

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e’ve been obsessed with nudity for a really, really long time. The earliest known man-made sculpture, the Venus of Hohle Fels, depicts a naked woman carved from mammoth ivory. Much more recently the rise of the internet has made it easier to send and receive information; and it wasn’t long before this included images of the nudity we have both loved and made taboo. We love them because they’re sneaky and exciting and private… But are they?

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In many people’s memories, being gay was illegal and a little further back than that, it would get you killed, either by the law or with "mob justice". To remind you just how recent this kind of history is, and how recently accepted homophobia was, think about that older person you know who’s just a little bit homophobic.

We all know one. For me, that’s my Nonna; just like I’m somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of sexuality, she’s somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of homophobia. My Nonna is 84 and has held these beliefs for her entire life. In her lifetime, it was perfectly acceptable to jail someone for the act of sodomy (making love). In fact, sexual acts between two males in Tasmania was only decriminalised in 1997. Now, for some of you youngsters, that may seem like a long time ago, but for some of us, 1997 JUST HAPPENED. The effects of these kinds of laws still being in effect at such a time, along with public attitudes towards homosexuality meant that public attacks, humiliation, shame and being shunned from family and social circles was a reality. In fact, for some people, these things are still a reality. Here in South Australia, the gay panic defense is still part of the law.

This is the legitimate excuse for killing a homosexual if you believe them to have been making unwanted sexual advances towards you. The defense states that

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Thanks to our ancestors’ passionate refusal to remain in the shadows, society has begun to become more receptive and open to people on the spectrum of sexuality that don’t identify as 100% heterosexual. Shows such as Modern Family, Will & Grace and RuPaul’s Drag Race have pushed gay culture (and I use that term because it is almost exclusively gay male culture) into the mainstream while other shows like Transparent, Orange is the New Black, Doctor Who, and The L Word have introduced us to other parts of LGBTQIAP+ culture. But it was only in the recent past that gay culture was looked down upon and all other aspects of LGBTQIAP+ culture were almost completely invisible.

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GBTQIAP+. That’s the new version of “LGBTQIA”, which is what we used to call “LGBT”, which was updated from the old umbrella term of “gay”. And no, I don’t know what it all stands for, neither do most. But these changes to the acronym are to make sure no one in the community is left out. Each adaptation has made sure to encompass more of the gender and sexuality spectrum as the research into these areas catch up with the reality of the human experience of sexuality and gender identity. So how did we get from “gay” to “LGBTQIAP+”? and what happens when someone feels like they don’t belong in this community? And if someone doesn’t belong, are they missing out?

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this causes a temporary state of insanity where you can justifiably assault or murder a homosexual human being.

The state government say this law will be repealed in 2020, but shouldn’t it have been repealed decades ago? So how far have we really come when same-sex couples can get married but can also be killed under the gay panic defense?

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From events like these rose the necessity for LGBTQIAP+ culture, which will, from now, be referred to as “queer culture” in an attempt to encompass all those who fall under the LGBTQIAP+ umbrella. Queer people had to evade not only the law, but anyone who didn’t identify as part of their community in order to protect themselves.

Queer culture was born out of a necessity to survive in a heteronormative-dominated world. In 19th century UK, gay men invented their own language called Polari.

Versions of this language were used by sailors, thieves, and prostitutes, so they could talk about sex and their lives in public without being caught.

In the 70s, they created the handkerchief code, also known as the hanky code, flagging, or the bandana code. This code saw coloured bandanas placed into the back pocket, partly showing. Each colour, and depending in which pocket it was placed, signaled a particular sexual action that man was looking for and what role within that act he wanted to take. This language created a community who understood each other, while excluding those who threatened that community. While it may not have a fully-fledged language any longer, there are certain terms and places that still rely on queer culture.

Queer culture has come so far and for many, it’s still a necessity. Everyone grows up inducted into heterosexual culture but very few grow up understanding queer culture.

Finally, when they reach eighteen years old (in Australia at least), they’re able to set out on their own to find people like themselves. For most, this takes place within a gay club. It is a rite of passage, a safe space for all sorts of queer people to express themselves, to drink, dance, socialise, and

hook up, without fear of prejudice or violence. Sometimes it’s difficult when you’re death-dropping at exactly the right moment in a song to remember that this freedom came out of so much sacrifice. But we have to remember that sacrifice and solidarity and community in order to accept one another. The community is important for so many people who feel they don’t fit into the dominant heterosexual culture, but what happens to those who don’t fit in? The women who don’t want to move in to your house a week after dating and purchase a Subaru. The men who don’t think drag queens are legitimate celebrities and that Beyonce’s face should be printed on our money and our currency converted from “dollars” to “Knowles”?

Queer culture is just a starting point; a ready-made community you may wish to try to fit into. Some people, after experiencing queer culture, don’t identify with it. They see it as an illusion of an accepting community; of people who think a shared sexual orientation or gender identity outside the heteronormative acceptability to be enough for the basis of a friendship. For those people, it’s often a sign to move on and find people they really connect with on other levels.

Therefore, it’s important to be accepting within the community because of the history and those who’ve come before us, but it’s also important to find people you have more substantial things in common with. After all, our ancestors didn’t fight just so we could segregate ourselves within our own community. They fought for acceptance and integration into mainstream society.

So whether you’re involved in queer culture or you don’t see a place for you there, that’s okay. It’s important to remember that your sexual identity and/or gender identity does not define you, nor does it limit you. We must accept each other and understand how important community is — but remember, it doesn’t have to be this community where you find your place.

From high impact activities and over load without rest comes the aches in our muscles and pain in our joints, treated with stretching and a dose of Nurofen. The disintegration of hope we had for a relationship that never eventuated can be treated much the same, with a dose of dancing to good tunes, washed down with a few beverages Then there are the knee injuries and heartbreaks. They can occur in an unexpected instant, leaving permanent scars and having sustained impacts on our narratives. They force us to stop and remind ourselves to breathe. With discipline – in rehab or in taking space away from an ex – we may come back stronger. Time is our greatest friend.

We like to think we are immune to vulnerability and wrong doings in sport and in love. We find security in the idea that our support networks protect us: teammates are there to offer the ‘here if you need’ or stand at the opposite end of the pitch to build a partnership. But mistakes and wounds are unavoidable as sometimes we simply hold onto the ball – our metaphorical relationship troubles – for too long, or drop catches that people rely on us to take.

We often walk away from encounters of love with broken hearts, sore spots and damaged egos. To pick yourself up after a loss while carrying the burden of injury is an exhausting feat. In the unsettling silence in the eye of the hurricane, it is hard to see a way to fix the brokenness.

Personally, I do what I have done here: I channel my experiences of relationships into something greater, something concrete, something I can comprehend. Relating my experiences to sport allows me to control my feelings and find answers. I encourage you to do the same: to find your own way to spark post-love recovery.

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Pain and its demand for recovery comes in different forms and at different intensities – bruises, scratches, and grazes from trips and tackles may sting, but they are short lived points of tenderness. These blemishes are equivalent to what we feel when a “fling” fizzles out: a shot to your confidence, but a discomfort that dissolves during a distracted moment, barely leaving a scar.

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We willingly thrust ourselves into these situations because both sport and love engage our passions and encourage expressions of everything human. The risk of pain sits in the back of our minds, hidden behind the euphoria of a win or the beginnings of something great with someone special.

On the field or court there is an umpire to determine when we overstep the mark. It may feel like we need an umpire assigned to every relationship as an objective third party to mediate arguments, and enforce rules that reduce the risk of injury to those playing the precarious game of intimacy.

To issue fines, suspensions, and longstanding sanctions to those who cheat. To ensure we let things go and play on when appropriate. Someone to keep us within the boundaries. An umpire would also remind us of the power of our bodies. They can be dangerous things. Our bodies can function outside the control of our heads and hearts.

We teach them habits that allow us to comply to rules on the sporting field and in relationships – we learn to tackle, to control our throws, and time our shots the same way we learn to show affection and be monogamous. When we break these rules and are reckless with our bodies, we – or others around us – get hurt. Through our sexual acts we can cause injury, especially when allowing our bodies to dictate our actions without the sensitivity of thought and feeling.

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hen we play sport, we risk physical injury. When we play with love, we risk emotional damage.

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t's a warm summer night and you’re watching the sunset glow orange. The waves crash against the rocky cliffs and you dig your toes into the gritty sand. The crisp wind pricks at your skin but you rest your head on his shoulder, content.

He gazes upon you, his heart full, and places a strong arm around your shoulders. You lean in, happy, comfortable, safe, loved.

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Does this sound familiar? Romance has had a long reign of featuring in our films. It’s at the heart of poetry, art, and theatre. From Shakespearean comedies, to whimsical courting, to the dramatic love triangle, love on screen romanticises the most mundane activities and leaves us longing for more of this movie magic.

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I’m a big watcher of romance, romantic comedies (rom-coms) in particular. I love the fluffiness, the anticipated kiss, the longing looks, the banter, flirting and teasing, the rough bumpy beginnings and accidental meetings.

I love to watch characters fall instantly in love, head over heels, and gradually loving each other more and more every day. I like the happy ending and the journey in between. I like the desperate declarations of love and the numerous ways in which characters say ‘I love you’ without using those words. words by MADELINE HAND artwork by ROSANNA LAM

Love takes many different forms, and romantic love dominates in films, regardless of genre. Relationships nowadays can be so diverse, and the film industry follows social changes, though at a slower pace. Love stories are conveyed and presented in many formats, from dialogue-based to comedic, and even the paranormal.

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While earlier romances teach us that every woman needs a man, such as in Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman, later films have very strong female protagonists. Disney’s films have changed with social trends, from Cinderella living happily ever after with a prince, to Moana who needs no love interest. Throughout TV history, media has taught us that we need to be in a relationship to be happy. There’s this promise that when we find it, it will be perfect and everlasting, but sometimes that’s not just possible. And they seem to encourage the idea of a one true love. But most people date and have multiple relationships before they settle, and sometimes life just happens and that person you chose to love for life can’t be there anymore. Love on screen can be scary, emotional, easy, or complicated, and the genre has come a long way. But throughout romance’s history, I know they’ve always gotten one thing right: it’s worth fighting for.

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Coming of age films for a young adult audience explore concepts of identity. Love triangles are often a selling point for these movies, such as for Twilight and The Hunger Games, with teenage characters trying to find themselves and where they belong in the world. The way in which love is represented suggests to viewers that they need romance or a partner in their life to give it meaning, and to make them happy. It creates the idea that individuals can’t exist without someone in their life, which isn’t true. But this is reflected in the real world where being single is viewed

Modern films usually have a strong social message or key theme, hence the importance of representation. Love, Simon is an LGBTQIA+ movie, based on a book, about a boy who falls for someone anonymous online who faces struggles regarding his identity. It isn’t the first movie ever to feature a non-heterosexual relationship, but it is rare to have a young adult coming of age story in which the gay character is the protagonist. Simon and Blue are given developed personalities that allow them to be more than their sexual orientation. LGBTQIA+ films portray new forms of love and relationships, which are often underplayed in other films. These movies can also be a bridge to understanding and empathising with the LGBTQIA+ community and changing the audience’s perspective on love. On the other hand, recent TV shows about love such as Married at First Sight have been critiqued as corrupting the concept of marriage as a special bond between two people. Bachelor in Paradise has also been viewed as a joke, with the bikini-bodies that inhabit it refusing to acknowledge the different kinds of beauty, and revealing the corrupt ways in which people can manipulate each other in the name of love. Films such as Love, Simon show us that while romance on the big screen has come a long way, our popular “reality” TV shows are still lacking in integrity to real love and romance.

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When Harry Met Sally is a dialogue-filled 80s film which follows the friendship of the two protagonists over a long period of time. This film portrays a romance in which friendship is a key part. This teaches audiences that love deepens with time, and to take your time to fall in love.

Harry is stubborn, having a firm mindset that men can’t be friends with women they are attracted to, which causes Sally to dislike him. The romance features a best friend as the love interest and a relationship that has grown so much from where it began. The movie makes you long for their intimate connection, and for that moment when someone realises that they want to spend the rest of their life with you.

as odd due to traditional ideas of needing a relationship which leads to marriage. These films suggest that we can chase love and that we can find it in the most unexpected of places. But this also leads to us waiting and hoping for something that might never happen, and gives us unrealistic expectations.

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Women in early romances such as those by Shakespeare and in black and white films are often constricted by gender roles and expectations. The female characters often exist only as love interests for males with underdeveloped personalities. In Much Ado About Nothing, Shakespeare contrasts the two main relationships and finally identifies what we now see as a toxic relationship, and a healthy one.

The young female character Hero acts the obedient and quiet fiancé, a demonstration of how women were expected to be obedient and submissive in the relationship. When Claudio believes that she has had relations with another man, he calls her a ‘rotten orange’. In this, he means that she is no longer pure and no longer a worthy bride. Claudio is quick to believe that Hero is unfaithful and rash to act, with little proof, at their wedding rather than by confronting Hero alone. The relationship between Hero and Claudio is contrasted by that of Benedict and Beatrice. Beatrice is a strong female character who voices her opinions, as seen in her banter with Benedict. Beatrice defends Hero when she is wrongly accused, and Benedict as a test of his commitment of love and trust for and of Beatrice, he agrees to fight Claudio on her behalf. In this play, when each man is tested, Benedict respects Beatrice’s wishes whereas Claudio’s love is much weaker.

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words by DEBRA KNOOP

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romance is best poised to represent the diversity of women who wanted to be heard

espite being a genre that is widely ridiculed by professional literary critics and English Literature aficionados alike, romance is one of the most popular genres commercially.

This formulaic and “trashy” genre rakes in millions for publishers like Mills and Boon every year. So, how can something so “bad”, be so popular commercially?

At the heart of the romance genre, are women. It is a genre written for women, by women, about women, so theoretically its commercial popularity and its reputation as “trash” reading must coincide with our societal ideas about women and power. I spoke to Amy Matthews who is a Senior Lecturer in Creative Writing here at Flinders. She is also a romance author. Matthews believes that the genres female-centric nature and its representation of our relationships with men (and power) is what attracts its strong female readership.

Furthermore, Matthews states that ‘Romance novels feature women as the central heroic protagonist and foreground women’s domestic

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Coincidentally, just as the romance genre is a popular money maker because of women, it’s also regarded as “cheap” and disregarded because of the role of women who both produce and consume the romance genre.

The women protagonists play a key part in this genre and are given a voice. A voice that is often not heard in other areas of literature. In some of the greatest pieces of literature, women don’t even speak or have a significant part to play. Women are portrayed only as damsels, mothers, love interests, or just bodies to the central male characters. Whereas romance provides an opportunity to be strong, empowered, and sexually active. 'Romance has often been ahead of the curve in terms of content -

featuring career women before it was acceptable in the mainstream, as well as having heroines who were single mothers, abuse survivors, and sexually active and empowered before we saw it accepted in the mainstream culture,’ says Matthews. Romance is best poised to represent the diversity of women who want to be heard. It fills a void for women that other literature largely ignores.

society, romance focusses on the happy moments of our lives. We all experience love and desire and have to negotiate how to have functional relationships. Romance novels do cultural work by modelling how to work towards emotionally healthy relationships. They also model things like consent, female pleasure in sexual relationships, and respect. And they show us the joy of being alive.’

Despite this, romance is still greatly formulaic and predictable, so why do women love it? In real life we are very rarely granted a happy ending, so it can be rather comforting to read a romance novel and know that no matter what, the female protagonist will get the ending she deserves and what we as consumers all want.

Personally, I enjoy a light romance novel when things in my life aren’t going great, and I’m looking for something that will give me joy, even if it’s only for a few hours. Matthews sums up our love for romance novels beautifully: ‘While literary fiction often focusses on tragedy, or disappointment and disillusion, or the problems of

So ladies, don’t hide your Mills and Boon stash in shame! We all need escapism and sometimes we just need to know there will be a happy ending.

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experiences as heroic journeys. We recognise ourselves in romance novels, in ways we don’t always recognise ourselves in other forms of literature.’

Love, loss, pain, betrayal, rejection… these are all key features of romance novels that women can relate to and are much easier to consume than some other areas of literature.

APHRODISIAC APHRODISIAC APHRODISIAC S T UD E N T D I E T I TIA N

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weight, reducing cardiovascular conditions, and assisting immune function. Fruit should be incorporated as a part of a healthy balanced diet, so I encourage you to consume all types of fruit. However, see where this lovely sexy, pink fruit can take you!

Pomegranates Pomegranates are pink in colour, and shaped like a heart, so straight away this fruit calls love. The fruit also contains many seeds, which in past historical times has been associated with fertility. The improved sexual drive which pomegranates are likely to cause may be due to their ability to affect the cardiovascular system and improve blood flow to the sexual organs. Eating fruit also has many other health benefits, from decreasing risk to some cancers, controlling

Omega-3 fatty acids Foods that are high in omega-3 fatty acids are also thought to promote sexual health through their antiinflammatory effect, which helps improve cardiovascular health. Omega-3 fatty acids are a special type of fat called polyunsaturated fats. Examples include oily fish such as salmon, canned sardines, canola oil, soybean oil, flaxseeds, chia seeds and walnuts. To meet the recommended weekly amounts of omega-3 fatty acids, the heart foundation

A D V I C E

phrodisiac is a word used to describe foods which have the potential to trigger a reaction in the brain, leading to increase in sexual desire and function. Recently I re-discovered this word from a conversation with a few friends. More research and studies are needed to confirm the effect of these specific foods as it is not only the composition of foods which makes them more attractive, it is also their taste, shape, smell, and the way in which they are consumed which may influence people’s sexual side.

However, the following foods may be worthy adding to your diet to improve your sex life!

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Antioxidants Antioxidants are found in foods that contain vitamin A, C and E, and the minerals copper, zinc and selenium.

It is thought that antioxidant-containing foods such avocadoes, various nuts, olive oil, figs, arugula, and cherries enhance sexual function and desire. Red wine has also been associated with enhancing sexual desire due to being rich in the antioxidant resveratrol, which is known for its promoted cardiovascular health. This, in conjunction with being under the influence of alcohol, is likely to contribute to the erotic reputation of red wine.

Antioxidants are also important to include in the diet due to their ability to prevent damage caused by free radicals (unstable molecules created through oxygen metabolism).

An overload of free radicals may lead to the development of many irreversible and deadly diseases including heart disease, liver disease, and some cancers. Including antioxidants into your diet is not only important for overall health but it could potentially lead to a better time in bed.

Celery Celery is also another traditional aphrodisiac, which is thought to promote sexual desire between two people through the pheromone called androsterone. It is likely to play a role in the human olfactory communication system in regard to sexual attraction. Eating a wide variety of vegetables is also important for many reasons. Firstly they provide vitamin C, which plays a role in immune function and reducing people’s risk of certain cancers, and the fibre

For more information regarding what a balanced diet should include please refer to the Australian Guide to Healthy Eating.

A D V I C E

Oysters Oysters are also thought to help improve sexual arousal, due to containing a high level of zinc, which in males is thought to raise testosterone levels. However it has been documented that it is unlikely to effect the body straight away. Oysters are also known to contain varying levels of dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter that stimulates the arousal centre of the brain. Despite more research being required, keep enjoying oysters and see what they can do for you.

There are a variety of foods available, which may improve sexual desire and function in people. Food is supposed to be enjoyed, so if you can have fun with food in another way, I say give some of these a go next time!

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Watermelon Eating watermelon has been reported to potentially enhance sexual function due to it containing a natural source of the amino acid called citrulline, which is thought to help support better erections through increasing blood flow. Including a serve of watermelon per day is also a great way to help meet the Australian Guide to Healthy Eating recommendation of 2 serves of fruit per day. Along with the many health benefits of eating fruit, eating watermelon may have extra sexual benefits, so enjoy!

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Chocolate Chocolate is thought to exert several effects on overall sexual desire through a positive effect on mood. This is likely due to the fat and sugar content, along with its aroma.

Chocolate also contains phenlethylaimine, which has been detected in the brains of people who fall in love. Tryptophan is another chemical, which is found in chocolate and the human body. It is a building block of serotonin, which is a chemical in the brain involved in sexual arousal. So, in moderation enjoy that piece of chocolate, and I hope it can bring you a funky time!

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in vegetables is thought to help reduce cases of colorectal cancer. So no more excuses, get to it and start adding more vegetables into your diet.

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recommends to eat 2-3 serves of oily fish per week and 1 gram per day of plant-sourced omega 3. So adding more fish into your diet may lead to that catch of the day‌

PU ZZ LE S

1) What year was the first rubber condom made?

2) Which ancient civilisation first started wearing makeup?

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4) What is the title of the 1940 film in which Charlie Chaplin parodies Hitler?

5) If someone had a Melissaphilia fetish, what would they be aroused by?

6) What was the most searched category on Pornhub in 2018 by Australian users?

8) Which AFL team has white and red as their only colours?

9) How much money did the Whitlam government pay in 1973 for the Jackson Pollock painting Blue Poles?

10) Who wrote the Australian novel What is Love?

(2000) 11) What is the shared title of both a 1957 Harold Pinter play and a 2003 Tommy Wiseau film?

12) What animal does Thor think Rocket is in Avengers Infinity War?

ANSWERS 1.) 1855 // 2.) The Egyptians // 3.) Four (see editorial)// 4.) The Great Dictator // 5.) Bees and wasps // 6.) Lesbian // 7.) 1917 // 8.)

The Sydney Swans // 9.) $1.3 Million // 10.) Ita Buttrose // 11.) The Room // 12.) A Rabbit

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3) How many words does the classical Greek language have for ‘Love’?

7) What year was Marcel Duchamp's Dada sculpture Fountain created?

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ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS

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words by COURTNEY LAWRENCE artwork by AMY NGUYEN

Now my mind rolls back to our conversation, when he couldn’t visit. He had told me to message him whenever I’m in this state of mind. I could call him once I’m out of the shower, maybe even organise to see him. He’d love that.

I remember how he looked at me when he saw me for the first time. And every word of praise I drank up like he held the only water source in our desert.

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FRI A FRIE ALL MY OF ALLAL FRIENDS A FRIEN ALL MY ALL OT FR AL F FRIENDS FRIE FRI AL ALL ALL ALL MY O ALL MY ALL OT FR FRIE FRIE ALL FRIENDS ALL FRIENDS FRIE A FRIEN FRI ALLF ALL ALL MY OT FRIE FRIE AL I punched him in the arm.

I should organise a session with my psych.

Sunday I appreciate so much that some people will bear with you through stuff like this and never throw in the towel, telling you to get over yourself. Others will tell you that you clearly “know” you’re not fat or ugly and just want attention. But he would never say that. I know what he’d say, and yet sometimes I really don’t want to hear it.

He tries so hard to convince me. But his futile words are like a dramatic movie scene on an endless repeat. In the foreshadowing of a tragedy just as the lovers promise ‘if you jump, I jump’, the world turns and I could describe it to you in detail the way it bends in the moments before it’s about to fall.

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‘Elizabeth, you’re beautiful.’

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Saturday ho the hell designs bathrooms like this? It’s like I’m trapped in a haunted house, but it’s just a room of mirrors and that is the scariest part. There are no lurking shadows of the undead, just a sad girl who can’t escape herself. I sigh and quickly step into the shower. It never helps to dwell. I turn on my shower speaker and blast The Kooks, singing with all my lungs about the girl who’s Got You High as I scrub sand off my legs and out of my hair.

Today Caleb and I went to the beach right behind my house. I briefly panicked, then took a deep breath. I made sure he was looking at the jetty before I slipped off my dress and put on a baggy shirt in a speed that made the swimmers’ laps look second place.

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DIARY OF A YOUNG WOMAN DIARY OF A YOUNG WOMAN

I once read somewhere that if your only source of validation is external, you will thirst forever. And man, I feel a deep inadequacy between my ribs like a prisoner shaking the bars and begging for release. It’s a war and it feels like it will always be a war. When will encouraging words be enough to change my perception?

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What’s funny is I’m such an advocate for others realising the beauty within themselves. I get so angry when they cannot see that the kindness and compassion within their hearts radiates through a face just as beautiful. It’s like sunlight and I swear it has the same properties to the people around them.

Monday I rinse my beauty blender, I dab ferociously at the concealer that swamps my undereyes and the acne on my jaw, red like my favourite lipstick. Although I’d be most comfy in jeans and a hoodie, I put on a dress, sandals and accessorise; not too much that I look more like I’m headed for a date than a class, but just enough that I pray the sparkles could blind the more susceptible onlookers.

All of nature seems beautiful to me, I think as I walk through campus. It’s the breath I can’t take as I gaze out over a lake so still you couldn’t write a poem good enough about it as a metaphor for peace; the syrup of a peachy sunset that makes you stare in wonder while you drown in it; yet to be shipwrecked is sweet to me in this sea.

At my last session I read out a poem I wrote and my psych told me to consider the relationship between myself and the beautiful nature around me. Am I an alien to my own home planet? Shouldn’t I have the same signature of beauty that all of life around me does?

Tuesday My housemates are all away, and I’ve spent the day mucking around on my guitar, learning every Fog Lake song I’ve heard. I see the usual Facebook memes, and the usual passive aggressive and sometimes just aggressive statuses

and comments. Well, I reassure myself, one thing I know is that I am not a bully. I’ve never deliberately said something cruel.

Excuse me?

I hear a cacophony of sound that rattles my honest thoughts and instinctively runs away from the truth that has just hit me like this brick roof I so often wish would.

Suddenly I’m in the bathroom standing in front of myself and she’s crying: but she’s no longer what I hated to see in the mirror. She’s really there, broken and looking at me and shaking hands and all I feel is a burning compassion. She looks at me with fear and I wonder: how I could ever let myself become the torturer of this poor creature’s mind?

And I see that the beauty within me was clouded by the darkness of a bully. I was blind to it. But when Elizabeth is before me like a victim, I understand how I must be gentle with her and accept her for who she is. Because I can do that for others: I want to hug her, tell her I’m so sorry for holding her captive in our abusive relationship where she can’t escape her mind. All the while feeding her lies about how her skin and bones are the problem. And I understand why this war is able to end; I’m putting down my weapons and choosing to treat her like I do all my other friends.

FEAR OF THE RAIN / / ( S E C T I O N )

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I long for the good and the bad.

I long for the icy shock of a sudden raindrop on the nape of my neck, for the heartbreak of an unending storm pounding relentlessly on my heart, for the rivers that course down my cheeks like cold, saltless tears.

I long for the need to seek shelter; to hide from the downpour and allow myself time to dry.

I long for the rainbow that gives me the courage to step out into the shower once more.

But I am an on-looker watching the storm pass, wondering what it would be like to stand in the rain.

Trapped inside, nose pressed against cold, foggy glass, longing to be brave.

T Y P E )

I long to laugh as I am drenched with chill; liberated by my soaked clothes sticking to my skin, exposing every part of me.

( O R

I long to feel love like the rain on my skin.

I long to squeal in delight as the first droplets fall, opening the skies above.

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Amy Nguyen // Angelina Taylor // Alicia Wood Anthony Robinson // Anu Francis // Brooke Hines Charlie Booker // Courtney Lawrence Debra Knoop Emma Riley // Jack Snyder // James Watson Katara Wolfe // Kienan McKay // Lawson Dodd Madeline Hand // Madeline Percey // Michelle Wakim Rosanna Lam // Sean Henschke // Sheydin Dew Tobias Menzies

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ISSUE 5 : “HISTORY” // 23rd June ISSUE 6 : “NO THEME” // 20th July

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Empire Times // 46.4

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