CRACK UP’S How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles _________________________ Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because, then it would be a foot. _________________________ What did the prirate say when he turned 80? Aye Matey. _________________________
What is regularly given to the sea around 8 am, if the digestion is right? The captain’s log. _________________________ A pirate has stopped his pirating and mended his ways, but his parrot was just too bad, constantly swearing and refusing to behave. Finally the ex-pirate had enough of it.
When the parrot started swearing again, he stuck it in I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know the freezer for five minutes. what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. _________________________ When he fished it out again, the bird was very humble and said: “I promise I’ll be good now, John, no What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? swearing! Just a question – what on Earth did the One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. turkey do?” _________________________ _________________________ What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? Candy Corneas. ________________________
Whenever I’m sad I just read my blood donor ID. It always says “B positive”. _________________________
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly Two skyscrapers are sitting in the cellar, knitting one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. gasoline. What should I do?” “Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.” Is there anything odd about this? ________________________ Of course – you can only crochet gasoli What do you give to a pumpkin trying to quit _________________________ smoking? A pumpkin patch. Wife calls her husband and says, “Darling, the car is ________________________ broken, it won’t start.” What is the safest place to be in a zombie apocalypse? The Living Room. ________________________
“What?! It’s in perfect order, what’s wrong with it?”
What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his butt.
“Oh no, where are you right now?”
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“It’s water in the carburetor, love.”
“Um, in the little lake behind the house…”