Striving Sagittarius

STRIVING SAGITTARIUS a poetry pamphlet

F.R. Wills

THREE

I was not alone and I didn't want to be; I had you with me.

I still see you both but we are further apart, geographically.

I miss seeing you, without making an effort, but we're adults too.

I'm never alone; for, though you are far away, I can count on you.

FLEDGE

We're the manifestation of your love; that's what you say, and you're right.

We're more than just your children, yet we wouldn't exist without you.

There was a time when you let me fly. When I must fledge again, it should not make you cry.

HOUSES

I grieve houses like they're people; it's less painful but I do. I resent impermanence like transience is meaningless.

Large houses are meant for those with children yet to grow; I have flown the nest before and I know I must again. But houses help me feel calm; they give me equilibrium. And there are so many memories that are bound up in them.

I know this sounds like privilege, but these buildings have shaped me; losing somewhere that I loved, recharts my life completely.

NEW JOB

I am still learning. It will become a habit but that might take time.

ADAPT

I have been held back by old unhelpful habits, but I must adapt.

WOODLAND

Branches covered us as I confessed my feelings and you walked away.

IDEA

I liked the idea of you before I knew you, but loved the real you.

The days and hours pass and I am not always glad, but I can’t fight time.

BALM

I trap pain with words. If I don’t, I cannot cope. Poems are my balm.

IMPOSTER

I am a benevolent imposter; I do not think like you do.

The world isn't suited to me but it is my world too.

It is hard to cleave to a focus when your brain tries to resist.

My mind works in binaries but they don't really exist.

I do not fit in comfortably here but it's easier when you're near.

IDENTITY

I was told my true self did not exist and then warned not to repress it.

Could both statements be true –a personality both fated and contingent?

I do not have the answer, but I am sure of one thing.

I'd leak doubt, rather than blood, if you punctured my skin.

DIFFERENT

My brain's not like yours. That is hard to understand but it is still true. There's a name for it: executive dysfunction. That's what I'm fighting. Try to understand: I do the best I can but I can’t always win.

GLUE

We are insignificant, but this does not signify. Our problems matter to us, although they can be trivial.

The words "It could be worse" have never raised my spirits.

I can't comprehend their tragedies and retain my own sanity. The world is overwhelming, but it's achingly beautiful too.

When I have fallen to pieces, please use your love as glue.

SOLO

I relish infatuations, but don’t let people in.

My brain fears and flees from feelings, but my heart disagrees.

I try hard to protect myself, but just end up alone.

I think that I’m unlovable, but hope you’ll prove me wrong.

OFF-BOOK

I am most comfortable at home, but long for fresh air and sun.

I am most comfortable alone, but get so lonely in solitude.

I am most content with simplicity, but seem to seek out stress.

I am most focused when it is quiet, but loathe comfortable silence.

I am most myself when I am writing, but must live my life off-book.

This is a poetry pamphlet, which touches on the themes of family, love, introspection, and growth.